Hoofbeats & The Feminine Flow
Sara B. Willerson, LCSW
This morning I was chatting with my "special friend" about the difference between
men and women's processing styles. His view is that a man's process resembles a
waffle - they go from box to box in a linear fashion. He sees men as going in to one
box at a time, focusing on that one task first before moving in to the next box. These
boxes can be "work" box, "to do" box, "home" box, and "relationship" box - to name a
few. He said he can see outside of the box he is in to the other waffle boxes around,
but keeps his focus right in the box where he is. He then totally cracked me up when
he said there really is such a thing as a "nothing" box. This is the box that men hang
out in between the other boxes and they are just doing nothing. So when a woman
asks a man what he is doing and he replies, "Nothing" my friend reported that is the
absolute truth. Nothing! I asked him how he saw women and their processing style
and he described it as a "mound of spaghetti." "Women have all these lines that are
crossing over each other and are all connected. They are all talking to each other
and reaching out to many other places and directions. Men, for the most part, cannot
do that."He did say that some men can more easily connect to the feminine side of
themselves but that is typically not the norm for men as a general population. He
sees women as connected to everything.
I thought a lot about his comments and decided I would take this view to the main
ladies in my life: Moonbeam, Asante, and Thera. These ladies are horses and always
have very powerful words of wisdom to share. They are each very different in their
styles of being, sharing and communicating - not only with humans but with each
other as well.
Moonbeam is the leader in this herd of 6 horses at WolfTree Ranch. I have known
her for about 8 years. She is a smaller bay colored horse and is half Arabian. She has
a long flowing mane and very thick forelock and beautiful, to the ground, wavy tail. I
observe her often, especially in how she manages this herd family. Her style as a
leader is pretty laid back in that she truly allows each member of her family to be
themselves. She never tries to change them or their behavior, but sees and
encourages each of them and the special gifts they bring to her herd. She holds the
space for each one of them. She is very loving and nurturing and cares for each one
of them. When I asked about her style of feminine flow she responded that, "It is
about speaking your Truth." She said, "I have a proud voice and I speak IT when
Spirit speaks through me." In reading this, some may interpret her words as she
speaks loudly or forcefully...well she does have a very powerful whinny but that is
usually saved for reminding me she is hungry and I am late feeding her breakfast or
calling to another horse to find out where they are. In fact though, the picture she
shows of herself is radiating waves of beautiful white light that extend unendingly
from her body. She notes the "spaghetti" metaphor, but instead shows waves of
flowing light which extend to All and Everything. Her body is standing very firmly
and proudly and she can see, hear and know ALL that is occurring around and
beyond. This flow is the way she connects with everything and everyone.
As I pass the microphone to Asante she shows a different picture. Before I share her
wisdom, it is important for readers to know her story. Asante joined our herd this
past summer. She is a large French Warmblood and is ebony black with a white
blaze on her face and two white socks on her hind legs. Asante was a show jumper
and her previous owner shared her history as one who always said "Yes" to
anything that was asked of her. No matter how high the jump was or the difficulty of
the course, Asante performed and performed well. You may well wonder, "So what's
wrong with that?" Well, due to her work ethic she ignored a serious leg injury and
kept pushing through it. She never showed the trainer how badly she was hurting.
She just kept pushing through the pain to please everyone around her. When she
finally showed some of the pain she was given a simple anti-inflammatory drug to
keep her comfortable. And she kept on performing. One day however, her physical
body gave way and it was discovered that one of her hind ligaments was totally
destroyed. Thus the end to her show career and the end of her current identity.
When Asante joined us, I saw her immediately looking to please and doing whatever
was asked of her. I reminded her that she can say "No" if she wants to. I swear that
horse looked at me like, "Really?! I am allowed to do that???" From then on, she took
that to heart and has constantly taught our clients who come out to the ranch for
equine facilitated psychotherapy sessions, about the ability to say "No" when
necessary. When I ask Asante about The Feminine Flow she focuses on this lesson of
"Saying Yes when you mean No." She then shows a picture of when she is in that old
pattern, she finds herself pulling inside or constricting who she is so that she
completely disappears. In that place, her needs do not count and do not matter. She
is holding her breath. This visual is wonderful to me because the other thing she
does so often with clients is take huge sighing breaths in their presence. I have
learned that when she does this, she is trying to get the client's attention about
something and usually that is reminding them to breathe and expand.
Thera is a Mustang mare who also came to live with us this summer. She is a
member of the Pryor Mountain Mustang herd in Montana. This is a very special herd
of Mustangs who are genetic descendants of the Spanish Conquistadors horses that
came to America in the late 1400's. This herd has maintained all the characteristics
of their Ancestors - size, gate and markings. So Thera is a very small horse and she is
dun in color with a dark line down her back that extends from the base of her mane
to her tail. Thera is still learning to trust humans and is only now beginning to reach
out and touch. Her presence is very different from the other horses in that the space
around her always feels like it is on fire. It took me awhile to get used to this as it
always felt like she was about to lift off. When I invite Thera to share her perspective
on The Feminine Flow, I hear the words "Holding Your Ground." She shows a before
and after picture of herself. The before picture is her standing in a very rooted
position with her body totally at alert attention. It is very rigid in appearance and
reminds me of a fight/flight stance. The second view is Thera standing very
grounded but with a flowing energetic boundary. The strength is there. The
powerful presence is there and yet it is also softened by the flowing waves of her
boundary versus the rigid, bunker style from before. Currently she is very much in
this transition from defensive mode into a way of being aware with engaged,
curious, flowing boundaries.
All three of these equine sages refer to an "Internal Tempo" or "Internal Truth" that
they are aware of and exist within. They describe it as "...reset[ing] to balance in the
speaking of the word(s). The Word(s) are Spirit as me and me as Spirit. I am proud
and strong and still in this space. This is the Feminine Power." Each of these
Feminine Spirits share their story, their learning and their growth in ways that we,
as women, can relate to. How many of us have just said "Yes" because it was easier
or didn't want to cause waves or ruffle feathers? How many of us have pulled all
those special parts of ourselves that make us the unique beings we were intended to
be, deep inside because of fear or uncertainty? How many of us have experienced
trauma or upsetting events that resulted in maintaining a war like state we present
to the outside world just to protect ourselves? Can we allow our spaghetti to shift
into the soft, sure flow of energetic waves to expand throughout and beyond? These
wise women do it. Let's follow their Hoofbeats in this Feminine Flow.