Opening Monologue:
I wish I could tell you that this was still Wonderland. But I've come to realize that you can't have
Wonderland without…. Well… people?
And there are no people here. Or creatures for that matter. No... This is now Zombieland.
It's amazing how quickly thing can go from 'falling down a rabbit hole' to 'being six feet under'.
And why am I alive, when most around me had turned to meat?
It's because of my list of rules.
Rule#1 for survival in Zombieland... is "Cardio".
When the virus struck, for obvious reasons, the first one to go were the slow pokes.
As the infection spread and chaos grew...
It wasn't enough just being fast on your feet
You'd have to get a weapon and learn how to use it.
Which leads me to my second rule. Well it didn’t start out as my rule… but it applies. "Off with their
heads."
In those moments when you're not sure that the 'undead' are really dead
Don't just run off. Take the time to tend to the bugger. I mean one more lob at the neck and this lady
could have avoided being a human happy meal.
It wasn't long before the zombies began to get clever.
When you are at your most vulnerable, somehow they could just smell it.
Don't let them catch you in the middle of a shrinking potion.
Rule #3 "Careful what you Eat"
As zombies began to outnumber humans that's when you have to cut all emotional ties
You can’t get too attached to those around you. It’s a good thing I’m surrounded by lunatics.
(Curtains open on tea party scene)
(Everyone is chattering and arguing, queen is screaming at people and hatter keeps breaking into song)
Queen: Quiet!
(Silence, Alice not sure how to take queen, Cheshire cat distracting people silently)
Queen: I’m tired of being here, this is no place for a queen to stay. I want my castle back!
White Rabbit: But your majesty, its overrun.
Queen: Then why don’t you go clear it out!
White rabbit: But… But….
Alice: That would be a suicide mission.
Queen: I don’t care. I need some place other than this weed infested rabbit hole.
Alice: What if I told you there was another place, fit for a queen, and safe.
Hatter: What a splendid unbirthday present. (Bursts into song with March Hare)
All: SHUT UP! (Hatter stops, March hare keeps going for another beat.)
White rabbit: Alice tell us more.
Alice: Oh it’s a wonderful place. Lots of castles…
Queen: Castles?
Alice: And gardens…
Hatter: It doesn’t sound very mad there!
Alice: It’s the maddest place of all. There are carnivals and dances and parties celebrating absolutely
nothing with cakes and cookies and even twinkies.
Hatter: What’s a twinkie?
Alice: it’s a little sponge cake filled with cream.
Hatter: (excitedly) can you put it on your head?
Alice: Sure?
Hatter: Well that doesn’t sound very fun. Does it have coconut?
Alice: I don’t think so?
Hatter: That’s Brilliant!
(People start getting excited)
Cheshire: Hold on a moment. I don’t like this idea. This place isn’t all it seems to be. (Crowd reacts to
each point more dramatically) Birthdays come once a year, animals do not speak, and a waistcoat is out
of the question. You have to be born into royalty or be willing to overthrow the government in place.
(emotions are low except queen who is contemplating a government takeover)
Alice: Guys I just want to go home
(CUE SONG ONE)
(Cheshire cat trying to distract people from song then resolves to feeding flowers cake)
(Flowers awakes and grow. Causing terror and panic.)
Alice: Bretheren, lead me your ear (Hatter pulls out scissors and tries to cut March Hare’s ear off) I know
things look bad here, but it will only get worse. Soon we will be out of cake and tea. Then what will we
do? We can’t go back to the castle. The only way out is through the rabbit hole and the only way to the
rabbit hole is through these flowers.
So one last time, let us raise our weapons (Characters raise various things they are using as weapons)
and fight to get home, fight for a new kingdom, and fight for twinkies.
We do impossible things all the time. This is wonderland for crying out loud!
(Blocking: people in order Hatter runs to new spot to continue his second line)
Hatter: For Narnia!
March Hare: Remember the Alamo!
Queen: May the odds be ever in your favor!
Hatter: This is Sparta!
White Rabbit: Follow your spirit and upon this charge cry God for Harry, England, and Saint George!
(Everyone stares concerned)
White Rabbit: What… Come on its Shakespeare!
Hatter: (exasperated) Everyone is mad here!
Alice: Come on everyone, lets paint the roses red!
(CUE SONG TWO)
(The wonderland creatures seem exhausted after the big fight, except for the Hatter who continues to
sing mildly in the background while dancing. Alice steps forward to the front and addresses the
wonderland creatures once more.)
Alice: That was fantastic everyone! We have done it, I can see the rabbithole up ahead! Oh thank you
Hatter, Thank Rabbit and Hare, and thank you, your magesty!
Queen: My new kingdom awaits? No time to waste! I can imagine the looks on my new subjects faces
when they see their Queen has arrived!
White Rabbit: Yes Lets go before its too late! I’m setting an important date!
Alice: Come on everyone, let us explore this new world together!
Hatter: FOR THE TWINKIES!
(CUE SONG THREE)
Everyone: GABBY IS THE BEST WE ALL LOVE HER
Gabby: Yaaaay everyone doesnt hate me
Isaac: I hate you
Gabby: Awwww (Punches Isaac in the face for real, no acting)
SONG ONE
"Home"
I give some good advice
A game of croquet, a garden
of red
I will get to eat you twinkie
just because I can.
If anyone protests, they will
lose their head
If the zombies come, ah I’ll
see it through,
But very seldom I
Choose the right road
I wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
And I’ve changed so very
much since this day began
But now a brand new land
awaits me
I’m gonna come and rule you
baby
I hope you know I’m gonna
be your queen!
I don’t know who I am
And I don’t understand
And I know some day that
it’ll all turn out
Another cup of tea
I’m gonna take over without
a doubt
Darling what’s wrong with
me?
I’m stuck here, I know
But I wanna go home
And I promise you kid that
wonderlands what you will
get
You just haven’t met me yet
Let me go home
Music changes to
"Everything"
I’m just too far from where
you are
You are oh so sweet, you're
a tasty treat,
I wanna come home
And you light me up, when
you are what I eat.
Music changes to
You're a mystery, you are
filled with cream,
"Haven't Met You Yet"
When I’m in charge,
everything’s gonna change
This new land I will rule in a
manner so strange
You are everything I know
need.
And I can't believe, in this
foreign land,
And you know that it is
cause of you.
[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and
through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make
me sing.
You're every bite, you're
every taste, you're
everything.
SONG TWO
And...
Painting the roses red
We're painting the roses red
*singing*
We dare not stop
Or waste a drop
The Queen she likes 'em red
So let the paint be spread
If she saw white instead
We're painting the roses red
She'd raise a fuss
We're painting the roses red
And each of us
Would quickly lose his head
Oh, painting the roses red
[Alice:Goodness!]
And many a tear we shed
Since this is the part we
dread
Because we know
They'll cease to grow
We're painting the roses red
In fact, they'll soon be dead
And yet we go ahead
Painting the roses red
[Alice:Oh, Dear! Then let me
help you]
Painting the roses red
We're painting the roses red
Painting the roses red
We're painting the roses red
Don't tell the Queen what
you have seen
Oh, pardon me
Or say that's what we said
But Mister Three
But we're painting the roses
red
Why must you paint them
red?
Yes, painting the roses red
Not pink
*talking*
Not green
Not aquamarine
Huh? Oh! Well, the fact is,
Miss
We planted the white roses
by mistake
We're painting the roses
red!
SONG THREE
White rabbit
All:
Look at this beasts
Up where they walk, up
where they run
What do you think?
Wouldn't you think we will
soon be beat?
Wouldn't you think we’re the
thing
The thing that they prey
upon?
Up where they stay all day in
the sun
Wanderin' free – we should
go be
Part of that world
Ask 'em my questions and
get some answers
What's an airplane and
where and why?
Does it fly?
When’s it my turn?
Wouldn't I love, love to
explore that world up above?
Out of these trees
Look at this grove
White Rabbit:
Wish I could be
Zombies untold
What would we give if we
could live out of these
Zombies?
Part of that world
How many monsters can
wonderland hold?
Looking around here you
think
Sure, a new worlds the thing
There are teacups and
teapots a plenty
And I might get away from
this queen
(Queen slaps his head)
OW!
Alice:
What would we do if it were
true just what she says?
Queen:
Bet'cha on land they
understand
That I was meant to rule
them
All:
We’re gonna do it
Head on to it!
You want Zombies there?
Cause I don’t want any
March Hare:
(Screams)
White Rabbit:
Come on lets go
Way up there?
Not down here
What are we waiting for?
Cheshire Cat:
And ready to know what the
people know