Stylistic Improvements
From: A.P. Martinich, Philosophical Writing: An Introduction 3rd Ed., 2005.
Although there is nothing wrong with making obvious improvements in style as your
composition progresses, you should go through your penultimate draft with just stylistic
modifications in mind. There are all sorts of simple adjustments that can be made to improve
your essay.
1. Try to find an active, vigorous verb to replace a phrase consisting of some form of “to
be” and a noun phrase, especially an abstract noun: “My argument will be”  “I will
argue that.”
2. Change passive constructions into active ones: “The existence of universals was proven
by Plato”  “Plato proved the existence of universals.”
3. Transform prepositional phrases with abstract nouns into clauses: “The reconstruction of
Kant’s argument is difficult”  “Reconstructing Kant’s argument is difficult.”
4. Use participial phrases to subordinate a thought expressed in a main clause: “Aristotle
tried to devise a more naturalistic theory of universals. He came up with his theory of
immanent universals.”  “In trying to devise a more naturalistic theory of universals,
Aristotle came up with his theory of immanent universals.”
5. Avoid needless or uninformative qualification: “Plato’s position is not really
contradictory”  “Plato’s position is not contradictory.”
6. Reduce complex phrases: “Russell makes use of this construction”  “Russell uses this
construction.”
7. Make the antecedents of pronouns clear: Consider this fragment: “Aristotle struggled
long and hard to devise a more naturalistic view of Plato’s theory of universals. This is
the topic of this essay.” What is the topic? Is it Plato’s theory, Aristotle’s view, or
Aristotle’s struggle to devise a view? If we assume that it is the latter, then a suggested
revision is: “Aristotle struggled long and hard to devise a more naturalistic view of
Plato’s theory of universals. This struggle is the topic of this essay.”
8. Replace a phrase with one word that means the same thing: “The word substance has two
meanings.”  “The word substance is ambiguous.”
These are only some examples of the kind of stylistic improvements you might make in a
penultimate draft.