这篇已经很好了 我感觉你的模版也固定了 可以练习Report 啦 2013.01.19 Caring for children is important in any society. All parents should be required to take Childcare courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Structure: Body 1 It has certain the drawbacks it may impose financial burden on the impoverished families 1: some families have a very tight budget 2: it may incur expenses for tuition fess, transportation 3: some of them cannot pay it it may cost money 1: many poor parents may consume lots of amount of money on transportation and courses. 2: this make them poorer Body2: Taking childcare courses can bring benefits for many parents. 1: acquire knowledge about how to look after and educate their children 2: it could help parents foster children’s development 3: children could achieve the better education and have good relation with their family RF 1: learn from other sources 2: some sources may provide courses efficiently and effectively Caring courses is vital for children’s development. It is common for many parents to take childcare courses in our society. I disagree with the opinion that all parents should be required to go to learn children courses. There are several reasons why I disagree with the idea. For one thing, some parents are unnecessary to take these courses since they are kindergarten teachers. Being kindergarten teachers, they are equipped with professional knowledge on children development and spend most of their time with children so that they should not receive formal training. For another, taking childcare courses may impose a financial burden on some impoverished families. For example, some parents have to pay bus tickets and tuition fee in order to take childcare courses, which make them poorer. Without paying these fees, they would live better. Nevertheless, learning childcare courses also could bring some benefits for people. To begin with, the relationship between parents and children could be enhanced. As childcare courses could provide knowledge about teaching children, taking childcare courses could help parents foster children’s development and build bonded relationship with children. However, parents can acquire childcare knowledge from other sources instead of taking the courses. For instance, young parents could watch online videos on websites or learn some practical skills about childcare from books, which may be efficient and effective ways for some parents who are busy with their works. In conclusion, although taking childcare courses is beneficial for parents and children, I still think that some parents should take childcare courses rather than all parents. Words: 257 In conclusion, although taking childcare courses is beneficial for parents and children, I still think that some parents should take childcare courses rather than all parents. It can be stated as… “In conclusion, although taking childcare courses is beneficial for parents and children, I still think that it is not imperative for all parents to attend such courses.” Evaluation Report Estimated score: 7.5 Overall suggestion: Overall a good task 2 response. Task Achievement Coherence and Cohesion Score Examples in your writing Band 8 Increase to 8 7.5 clearly presents and highlights key features/bul let points but could be more fully extended 7.5 You have responded well to the task. 8 Good work. Good use of paragraphing and cohesive devices. 8 You have done well in this area but the language used is quite simple. 8 logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout Lexical Resource 7uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision Grammatical range and accuracy 7 a) Caring courses is produces frequent error-free sentences vital for children’s development b) For one thing, some parents are unnecessary to take these courses presents, highlights and illustrates key features/bulle t points clearly and appropriately manages all aspects of cohesion well skilfully uses uncommon lexical items but there may be occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation 8 makes only very occasional errors or inappropriaci es Check out the revision I have made in the conclusion paragraph. Try to incorporate some less commonly used words/phrases in your essay. a) Caring courses are vital for children’s development b) For one thing, for some parents it is unnecessary to take these courses