S.O.S.! Rescue Guide for Writing
It is your responsibility to SAVE this conveniently hole-punched packet of Writing
Tips. If you want to make another copy to keep at home, that’s a good idea, but I will
try to post some of these documents online as well. We may be adding to it throughout
the year. The packet addresses the writing areas that my students need help with most
frequently.
Contents:
 Thesis
 Topic Sentences
 Trimming Weak Words
 Transitions
 How to correctly insert and cite a quotation
 Active vs. Passive Voice and Trimming Sentences
 Introductions and Conclusions
 What to write instead of “This quote shows…”
Writing a Thesis
Thesis:
A thesis is a debatable point or claim.
It is an unproved statement put forward as a premise in an argument.
thesis = singular
theses = plural
S.N.A.P. your thesis:
S = Specific
N = New and Not a fact
A = Arguable
P = Provable
For the sake of simplicity, let’s look at an example of a thesis and topic sentences about “Snow White
and the Seven Dwarves,” a story with which you are all somewhat familiar. No one is saying these
examples are perfect. They are examples. Just like there is not just one way to write a song or create a
painting, there is not just one acceptable way to write a thesis and topic sentences. This guide shows
you a way. The sentences could always be revised further.
Thesis Attempt #1:
 “Snow White” is a story about a damsel in distress.
True, but this is a fact. It is plot summary. My statement needs to be arguable.
Thesis Attempt #2:
 “Snow White” shows many things about gender roles.
Hmm. This is a little more specific (oooh, gender roles!), but “many things” is vague. I need to
be even more specific. I need to answer the question “So what ABOUT gender roles?”
Thesis Attempt #3:
 “Snow White” is a sexist story.
Ooh. This certainly takes a firm stance and gets people to argue for or against the idea, but it is
quite brief. It is a little boring and does not claim WHY the story is sexist. I need to briefly
answer “WHY is the story sexist?”
Thesis Attempt #4:
 Despite the fact that young girls are enthralled with the tale popularized by Disney, “Snow
White” undermines the feminist movement by perpetuating the myth that women are naïve,
helpless, and require rescue by men.
Okay. I think this is the best that I can do. This thesis is arguable and specific. The first half
claims that the story is sexist, and the second half says why. It already stirred up debate when I
presented it to my class. That alone shows that it is arguable. Also, I tried to use active verbs
and interesting vocabulary.
Thesis Attempt #5:
 Despite the fact that young girls are enthralled with the tale popularized by Disney, “Snow
White” undermines social progress and dignity of contemporary women by perpetuating the
myth that women are naïve, helpless, and require rescue by men.
There is nothing “wrong” with thesis #4 per se, but I decided to change “feminist movement”
to “feminist progress and dignity of contemporary women” because I am not really discussing
the feminist movement per se in my essay.
Sophisticated Student Alert: Now that I think about it, I would like to add that the story
undermines women also by implying that there are only two types of women, both equally
extreme and unrealistic in their physical and personality traits: the dim-witted yet perfect
beauty who is worthy of compassion, and the clever yet hideous hag who deserves punishment.
If I were a more advanced student I might try to weave this into my essay as well. For now I
will not worry about it. I can always go back and revise my essay to include it later because it
does relate to my initial thesis.
Thesis Revision #6: FINAL THESIS!
 Despite the fact that young girls are enthralled with the tale popularized by
Disney, “Snow White” undermines feminist progress and dignity of
contemporary women by perpetuating the myth that not only are women naïve,
helpless, and require rescue by men—but that rescue often has a price.
Again, there was nothing “wrong” with #4 or #5, but after writing my topic
sentences I decided to go back and enrich my thesis with “—but that rescue often
has a price.”
Topic Sentences
A topic sentence is (99% of the time) the first sentence of your body paragraph. It focuses your
paragraph and makes it more coherent. All topic sentences should help move your argument forward,
so they should usually be persuasive or compelling. The number one question I hear about topic
sentences is “How do I link my topic sentences back to my thesis? To me, they already sound like they
are linked, but my teacher says they are not.” Good question! Hopefully these examples will help ease
your frustration. The short answer is that you can take a word or two from your thesis and actually
insert those words in your topic sentence. You could also use a synonym to avoid sounding redundant.
Just like there is not just one way to write a song or create a painting, there is not just one acceptable
way to write topic sentences. This guide shows you a way. The sentences could always be revised
further. In some cases, your paragraph may use a transition sentence first, then the topic sentence.
Step 1: Let’s keep the thesis in mind and look for key words that may bear repeating:
Thesis: Despite the fact that young girls are enthralled with the tale popularized by Disney, “Snow
White” undermines social progress and dignity of contemporary women by perpetuating the myth
that not only are women naïve, helpless, and require rescue by men—but that rescue often has a price.
Step 2: Find synonyms or related phrases, although you might not always need to use them.
rescue = save, help, aid, spare
myth = lie, falsehood, stereotype, a fairy tale within a fairy tale, macho propaganda, distorted truth,
fraud
naïve/naiveté = immature, inexperienced, inept, incompetent, bungling, victimhood
price = cost, owing, consequence
Step 3: THINK of examples to support your point, and keep them in mind when you write your topic
sentences for your body paragraphs.
 Huntsman spares Snow White’s life for free
 Dwarves allow Snow White to stay in their cottage. The price? Do my chores!
 Like a gullible dummy, Snow White takes food from a stranger, which ends up being poisoned.
 Snow White would still be asleep (or dead) if not for Prince Charming and his magical manly
kiss. The price? Well, now she’s obligated to marry him.
 Overall, the story teaches that a scatterbrained woman will still end up okay, as long as she is
pretty, and as long as men conveniently come along to rescue her.
Notice how I will have about five body paragraphs, not the three that the formulaic five-paragraph
essay employs. The training wheels of middle school are ready to come off.
Step 4: THINK. Use the ideas above to make your arguments and include some of the key words from
your thesis (or the synonyms).
TS #1: The story introduces the myth of victimhood early on when the huntsman decides to spare the
beautiful Snow White’s life (notice she is not ugly); she is at the huntsman’s mercy, and even though
the wicked queen demands that he cut out her lungs and liver, he opts to trick the queen with a deer’s
organs instead.
TS #2: Once set free by the huntsman, the lost Snow White, inept to the ways of girl scouting,
displays no savvy; her secondary wave of survival depends on her fortunate meeting with the seven
dwarves who agree to let this radiant refugee stay in their cottage if she performs their chores—not out
of the goodness of their hearts.
TS#3: It is an insult for modern, capable women to be referenced in the same category with Snow
White; the bungling beauty makes a near-fatal mistake when she opens the door for the disguised
wicked stepmother, and never having been taught to refuse candy from creepy strangers, Snow White
eats a poisoned apple.
TS#4: Although the author would have readers believe that all is well at the end of the story,
portraying Prince Charming’s manly kiss as the antidote that wakes and rescues the utterly passive
Snow White from a death-like sleep merely reinforces the stereotype that not only does a woman need
a man for her very survival, but for such a favor she owes him her hand in marriage.
TS #5: Fraudulently, “Snow White” teaches that a beautiful woman can breeze through life as
incompetently as she likes, and the details will all work out in her favor in the end—with a man’s
help.
TS #6 (for the conclusion): Although some may dismiss the story’s portrayals as harmless fantasy, in
actuality, this macho propaganda promotes the distorted truth that women are helpless victims
requiring male saviors, wrapping a dangerous fairy tale within a fairy tale; whether intentionally or
not, this seemingly innocuous (innocent) piece of children’s literature implants this prejudice within
the impressionable young minds of boys as well as girls, even if only on a subconscious level.
See how this does not just repeat the thesis? It also gives the ‘So what?’”
Step 5: Re-read your topic sentences to make sure the content makes sense. If they do not, revise them
until they do. I see that mine are a little too long. I will most likely break them down into transition
sentences, then topic sentences. Here, for the sake of example, I made them longer just so you could
see where I was headed with each paragraph. Now we can revise them further together!
See how the topic sentences above are organized in chronological order? See how they link back to the
thesis? Ta-da!