English 12 / Ms. Sutton
Inquiring and Exploring Through Writing
What Women Really Do in the Bathroom
Throughout the ages, mankind has been troubled by a multitude of questions. Through
perseverance and great intellectual curiosity, many of these questions have answers. Long
have they pondered questions such as “Why is the sky blue?” “Why is grass green?” “Is the sky
falling?” “What is the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything?” and “What is the average
velocity of an unladen swallow?” Thus far, we have been successful in compiling answers.
However, there are other questions such as “Where do all the socks in laundry go?” “Why are
gooses geese but mooses not meese?” and “What would we do without any hypothetical
questions?” that have yet to be answered. However, through meditation, self-inquiry and
theoretical logic, one of the unanswered questions has been answered. “What do women really
do in the bathroom?”
Now, there are many theories that pertain to this. Among these is the Girl Scout theory
which claims that through years of intensive Girl Scout training that the buddy system has
become part of the female psyche and that when around pools of water, it has become habitual
to bring a friend. Also, there is the evolutionary theory. Women have had to bring each other for
protection from snakes and falling in. Over the years, it has become instinctual that they must
ask or naturally follow other women to the place of restroom activities. Else, it may be a type of
system to provide boredom relief therapy for the long lines to get into the bathroom where other
girls are doing whatever it is that they do which causes a sort of perpetuating cycle. It is also
widely accepted that women bring in other women as fashion/style consultants in order to
attempt to alter their image to defer their inferiority complexes.
Logic would dictate that they would inevitably talk about the guys. However, after much
debate, it has been decided that not only do they talk about the guy that they are there with but
the other guys that they are not there with. Upon being charged with this crime, nearly all
women will undoubtedly deny it. This does not mean it is not the truth. Jessica Pham, freshman,
upon questioning of the truth of the theories stated, “No, no, yes and no, no. Sometimes… no.”
After much analysis by brilliant minds, it has been inferred that part of the motivation is merely to
aggravate guys. This has been widely agreed upon by the majority of males; however, three out
of three females surveyed consistently defer any of our theories and insist that they merely like
talking. It is on consensus that they could not come up with a better excuse and are merely
attempting to hide their true motives.
Work Cited
"What Women Really Do in the Bathroom." 123HelpMe.com. Web. 18 May 2013.
http://www.123helpme.com/view.asp?id=126745.
Analysis of what the writer does in the essay:
Part 1: The writer (1) introduces the idea that humans have always been faced with big
questions; (2) adds some humorous questions; and (3) introduces the central (humorous
question this essay will explore.
Part 2: The writer shares four different theories that might answer the central question.
Part 3: The writer adds one more “logical” theory.
Part 4: The writer comes to a conclusion: Women spend a lot of time in the bathroom simply to
aggravate guys.
Here’s a list of other questions you might humorously explore:
Why do boys wear baggy (or saggy) pants?
Why do my coaches/parents yell so much?
Why do teachers assign so much homework?
Why is the food at this school so bad?
Why do people listen to Justin Bieber?
Why do people love vampires so much?
Why is Facebook so popular?
Why does my brother/sister ______?
Why do people listen to Dr. Phil?
Why are commercials louder than regular programming?
Now you make a list of questions you might humorously explore:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
A parody (also called spoof, send-up or lampoon), in current use, is an imitative work created to mock,
comment on or trivialize an original work, its subject, author, style, or some other target, by means of
satiric or ironic imitation.
The writer and critic John Gross observes in his Oxford Book of Parodies, that parody seems to flourish
on territory somewhere between pastiche ("a composition in another artist's manner, without satirical
intent") and burlesque (which "fools around with the material of high literature and adapts it to low ends").
In his 1960 anthology of parody from the 14th through 20th centuries, critic Dwight Macdonald offered the
general definition, "Parody is making a new wine that tastes like the old but has a slightly lethal effect."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parody
Imitate the introduction by borrowing the format and changing key phrases. (Normally, copying
so closely from a text would be considered plagiarism, but in a humorous piece or a parody, it is
sanctioned. A writer or performer cannot be sued for a legitimate parody.)
Here’s a sample of a parodied introduction for baggy pants (the changed words are bolded):
Throughout human existence, mankind has been troubled by a number of deep questions. Through
perseverance and great intellectual curiosity, many of these questions can be answered. Long have they
pondered questions such as “What happens after we die?” “How did the earth originate?” “Is global
warming going to be the end of the human race?” and “Is there other intelligent life in the
universe?” While other great minds debate these questions, there are other questions such as “Why
isn’t the number eleven pronounced onety one?” “How do they get that deer to cross at that
yellow sign?” “Why does Mike Scioscia, manager of the Angels, continue to use Brian Fuentes as
his closer?” that have yet to be answered. However, through meditation, self-inquiry and theoretical
logic, one of the unanswered questions has been answered. “Why do teenage boys wear baggy
pants?”
Write your parodied introduction:
Follow the four-part analysis of the original essay to complete your essay.
Modified from Kelly Gallaghter’s Write Like This.