Jessica Stockler
Professor Alaei
English 100
11/26/2012
Punishment After Technology
After watching Facebook Parenting posted by Tommy Jordan, I started
thinking about what this video means to Hannah, his 15-year-old daughter.
Hannah is a young teenager that, according to her father, is lazy, complains,
does not have many responsibilities, and is out of line with her complaints. Was
posting a video of himself ranting about his daughters ungratefulness and then
shooting her laptop eight times and then posting that video to her Facebook wall
the correct thing to do? This question required a lot of research about the
different forms of punishment used and the different parenting styles that go
along with that. It is one thing to take a child’s laptop, cell phone, camera, or
video game away. It is another issue to use physical punishment as the chosen
form of discipline. In my opinion, taking away a child’s beloved computer or cell
phone will be more upsetting in the long run and therefore is the more effective
form of punishment. There are many different studies done that look at different
parenting styles and specifically different forms of punishment that can be used
in the new age of technology.
In an online essay entitled “ Effective Discipline Ideas for Teenagers:
Grounding,” Wayne Parker discusses one possible form of punishment that
seems to be the simpler option for some parents. It is easy for a parent to ground
their child after that child does something wrong but how effective is this form of
punishment? Sometimes for a child, a week or two long of not being able to go
out with friends and have their freedom is enough punishment to not break their
parents’ rules again. However, for some children, the fear of being grounded will
make that child better at lying and sneaking around to avoid that unwanted
punishment. That is why using grounding, as your primary form of punishment,
may not always be effective. In this online essay it states that, “…If the
consequence of grounding is used inappropriately, it will usually backfire”(4). This
site gives many examples of possible issues that a parent may run into while
using grounding and parents must realize that there are a few inappropriate ways
that grounding can be used. If a parent uses this punishment incorrectly or they
do not understand the ways their child may react, they would be using this form
of punishment incorrectly which would make their punishment ineffective and
they may not get the desired response from their child.
Grounding has had to change with the times because now if you ground
your child and confine them to their home, all they have to do is go into their
room and have access to their Facebook, their television, their cell phone, and
that connects them to the outside world. If that is what your child will be doing
while they are grounded than that punishment is obviously not an effective one.
That is why “digitally grounding”(1) your child is the newer and more effective
form of punishment. As long as parents follow through with the punishment they
gave out and make the punishment a manageable and reasonable one, than
digitally grounding your child can be extremely effective. Parents must be careful
not to be unreasonable in their punishment because it may lead to undesired
consequences such as the child rebelling or sneaking around the rules that have
been laid out for them. Punishments nowadays have gone from grounding to
digitally grounding but what was used before grounding? Back in the older days
parents would use physical punishment on their children and that was all that
was needed to get your child to obey. In my opinion however, kids have gotten
smarter as time goes on and learn ways to get out of their punishment. It is said
that physical punishment can lead to children learning to lie and sneak around so
they do not get caught and do not get punished as well. Physical punishment is
not as effective because although obviously this form of punishment is not
enjoyable, it is not as serious as having your privileges taken away for a longer
period of time. While physical punishment lasts only a short period of time, taking
away a child’s cell phone for a week or so will have the child constantly thinking
about their punishment and asking themselves whether or not their actions are
worth the punishment. Whether or not parents like what technology has done to
the next generation, parents should agree that with the new technology comes
new forms of punishment and the older forms may not be effective anymore.
There was a large study done in Minnesota by the sociologist Reuben Hill
that produced the axis chart to compare the level of love and the level of
discipline shown with different parenting styles and the reactions of the children.
This type of information is important to review in order to determine which form of
punishment is more effective. It is important because there are many factors to
look at and once I go into detail about the four main styles of parenting, you must
also consider what kind of parent is using what form of discipline. The four main
parenting styles are permissive, neglectful, authoritarian, and authoritative. To be
a permissive parent means to be very loving but not so good at discipline. This
type of parent may find grounding hard to stick to which will show the child
receiving the punishment inconsistence and this is definitely something to watch
out for. If the child knows that they can easily get out of their punishment
because their parent is not capable of sticking to it, that child may never learn
discipline and obedience. Another style of parenting is the neglectful parent. To
be a neglectful parent is to not show your child very much affection at all and also
not care enough to enforce any punishment. This parenting style is the most
undesirable because no matter what, the parent is mostly uninvolved and
punishment is hardly even a question because the parent does not care enough
to enforce anything or hold their child to any set of standards. The third major
parenting style is the authoritarian parent. This type of parent may not show their
child enough affection and love but will be very tough on discipline. This specific
parenting style is undesired because children will not learn love and affection but
they will learn to fear their parents and look at them only as authority figures. This
type of parent should not have trouble disciplining their child and in this situation
physical punishment may be enough for the child to learn obedience. However, if
you physically punish your child too much, it can be called abusive, especially if
the parent is known to not show very much love and affection to their child in the
first place. The fourth parenting style is called authoritative parenting. This
parenting style is the most desired because the parent does an adequate amount
of disciplining but also shows their child love and compassion. In these cases,
the parent and child have a mutual respect for each other and the child is more
likely to listen to their parents and obey the rules set out for them because they
understand and respect their parents and their rules. The child may not break the
rules given to them because they do not want to disappoint their parent and this
is what parents should strive for. Most likely in these types of situations the
parent is using grounding or digital grounding and not too much physical
punishment so that the child does not fear the parent. The authoritative parent
will stand by any punishment they give out so that the child learns consistency,
which is what makes these types of parents the ideal ones.
Nowadays parents are seen as permissive parents because they show
their children love and affection and some discipline but sometimes they don’t
stand by their punishment after it is given out. If you keep these different
parenting styles in mind while you review Tommy Jordan’s video you may look at
the situation a little differently than you did the first time you saw it. In the end it is
not only the form of punishment favored by the parent and it is not only the
parenting style used. The end result depends on a combination of the two
factors. Parents must learn to balance love and discipline in order to reach the
right relationship with their child.