MT. CARMEL MINISTRIES AND BIBLICAL COUNSELING EDUCATION
When to Let a Counselee
Go
Graduation or Termination?
Dr. Rick Thomas
When does a nouthetic counselor conclude counseling? How does a nouthetic counselor process a stubborn,
antagonist counselee? This brief paper will provide reasons for graduating a counselee, terminating a counselee,
and recommend a procedure for both.
When to Let a Counselee Go:
Graduate or Terminate?
Question twenty-three of the National Association of Nouthetic Counselors (NANC) Counselor’s
Exam states, “List several reasons for terminating a counseling case. Answer this for cases
terminated because of spiritual change (growth) and spiritual hardening (failure to comply)”.
How does a nouthetic counselor known when to end a counseling relationship? What are some
justifiable reasons? How should a counselee be graduated? How should a counselee be
terminated or dismissed? Is there a right or wrong way to graduate or terminate a counselee?
Just because a counselee has resolved the performance problems, should the counselee be
graduated? Just because you have met with a counselee for eight or ten sessions does that
mean the counseling time should be concluded?
In this brief paper, I will propose the obvious reasons for graduating and/or terminating a
counselee. I will also recommend some methodology in how to graduate or terminate a
counseling relationship.
First, let us clarify the concepts of “graduate” and “terminate.” When a nouthetic counselor
uses the word “graduate,” we are referring to a time whereby the counselee has satisfactorily,
diligently, and obediently honor the Lord God by removing the performance and
preconditioning levels of the originating problem and replaced those sinful attitudes and
behavior with God-honoring, dying to self, discipleship commitment to holy living.
When a nouthetic counselor uses the word “terminate,” we are referring to a series of fruitless
counseling sessions whereby the counselee opposes biblical instruction and refuses to yield to
the convicting work of the Holy Spirit Who is using the Bible to convict the counselee of sin,
righteousness, and judgment to come.
Reasons to graduate a counselee:1
 The attainment of biblical change and an understanding of how this change was
effected.
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Some of the reasons provided are a collection taken from the numerous NANC exams I grade.
1
Dr. Rick Thomas
Mt. Carmel Ministries (There is no hopeless situation or helpless person)
Biblical Counseling Education (Reaching Rural America One Church At A Time)
E-mail: mcmbclsor@yahoo.com
Web: www.mtcarmelmin.org
Twitter: www.twitter.com/MtCarmelMin
Facebook: www.facebook.com/richardkthomas
Skype: www.skype.com/rick.thomas1951
 How they will avoid falling into similar sinful patterns and what is their plan for training
in righteousness.
 When the counselee has been restored to activity and usefulness in the church.
 When the counselee is actively searching for biblical truth to apply to his life in order to
maintain future progress.
 Their prominent debilitating problems (or those that turn out to be so during
counseling) have been solved Biblically.
 When the counselee on his own has begun to use the principles learned in solving those
problems to solve others.
 When he has learned what to do to avoid future failure and how to get out of it.
 When he has learned to use the Bible to solve problems that arise.
 The problem has been sufficiently dealt with.
 The counselee testifies Christ and no longer walks as the world.
 The counselee has put off the old man of sin and replaced the sin with the righteousness
of Christ.
 The counselee’s no longer walks in darkness pertaining to their sin.
 The counselee is no longer ignorant of the Word.
Reasons to terminate a counselee:2
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If a counselee refuses to repent from sinfulness.
If a counselee continually rejects wisdom and refuses to listen to instruction.
If a counselee fails to use the counseling time wisely to complete homework
If a counselee inappropriately invests his time unwisely on futile, earthly, and natural
fulfillments.
If a counselee is seeing or seeking secular help for these issues.
Poor attendance that demonstrates a lack of spiritual growth.
Violence, fighting, or an excessive amount of arguing during the counseling sessions.
Refusal to attend church.
They refuse to trust in and rely on God, and instead turn away and stand aloof (Hebrews
3:12).
They are settled into rebellion (Hebrews 3:13).
They have an attitude of self-will or disobedience.
Some of the reasons provided are a collection taken from the numerous NANC exams I grade.
2
Dr. Rick Thomas
Mt. Carmel Ministries (There is no hopeless situation or helpless person)
Biblical Counseling Education (Reaching Rural America One Church At A Time)
E-mail: mcmbclsor@yahoo.com
Web: www.mtcarmelmin.org
Twitter: www.twitter.com/MtCarmelMin
Facebook: www.facebook.com/richardkthomas
Skype: www.skype.com/rick.thomas1951
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They neglect to do homework.
They complete their homework carelessly, haphazardly, mindlessly.
They come in late or miss scheduled appointments.
Counseling can be terminated when the counselee fails to repent of the sin.
Counseling can be terminated when the counselee fails to forgive others.
Counseling can be terminated when the counselee doesn’t see their sin as an
abomination against God.
Counseling can be terminated when the counselee fails to obey God.
Counselee refuses to repent of identified sins.
Counselee continues to make the same sinful errors week after week, with little or no
regret or sorrow.
Counselee shows apathy toward sin, maybe even denying it is a problem.
Counselee continues to blame others for sins and refuses to accept personal
responsibility for change.
Repeated failure to complete assigned homework.
Missing scheduled counseling sessions (simply doesn’t show up).
Counselee dominates the counseling session and refuses to allow counselor to counsel
effectively.
Treats counsel and homework with flippancy and humor (lack of seriousness).
Repeatedly fails to practice spiritual disciplines of prayer, Bible reading, and church
attendance.
Refuses to answer direct, pertinent questions related to his counseling situation.
Lying to the counselor.
Belittling, threatening, or yelling at the counselor.
Refusal to submit to biblical (church) discipline.
How to graduate a counselee
I wish to conclude this brief article with a recommended procedure for graduating a counselee.
The counselee has biblically deal with the performance problems and the preconditioning level.
You have followed nouthetic3 counseling principles. You taught God’s word systematically,
prayerfully, carefully, and lovingly to the counselee. Your heart is rejoicing to see this
3
[1] To lay the mind of Christ before the mind of the counselee, [2] to confront privately and individually, and [3]
to seek to restore the counselee to the image of Christ.
3
Dr. Rick Thomas
Mt. Carmel Ministries (There is no hopeless situation or helpless person)
Biblical Counseling Education (Reaching Rural America One Church At A Time)
E-mail: mcmbclsor@yahoo.com
Web: www.mtcarmelmin.org
Twitter: www.twitter.com/MtCarmelMin
Facebook: www.facebook.com/richardkthomas
Skype: www.skype.com/rick.thomas1951
counselee walking in God’s light and truth (2 John 4; 3rd John 4). It is time to graduate the
counselee.
Is there a recommended way? In supervising candidates into NANC, I have asked the candidate
this very question and received a variety of responses. Some graduate the counselee the
following session. Stated differently, the counselee is restored to the image of Christ. The
counselee is informed that the next session will be the last because of the great progress made.
Some inform the counselee that things are progressing well and if they need further assistance
the counselor is available. This often occurs during the present session which becomes the last
session. Still others have no real plan. The counselor is at a loss how to graduate the
counselee.
When considering graduating a counselee, the number of sessions should not be part of the
decision-making process. I have been told by NANC candidates that in their training it was
suggested that if you have more than eight sessions, biblical counseling is not taking place. This
suggestion flirts with secular counseling because as a rule, secular counseling determines the
number of sessions the counselor will allow. This often is fostered more by insurance
reimbursements than measureable success. This concept is dangerous and lacks biblical
support4.
Why? First, not everyone absorbs and learns at the same pace. Some may grasp biblical truth
more quickly than another. The slower counselee should not be viewed as a stubborn or
resistant counselee. Second, those counselees who come with mood disorders will naturally
take longer to process the claims of Christ as they wrestle with what the “experts5” have told
them and what you are telling them. Third, as long as spiritual progress is occurring (the put-off
and put-on) work towards graduation, not a set number of sessions.
As a nouthetic counselor, you should regularly review your case reports. This review should
focus on the originating problems (NANC Question 2), the effect of the homework on the
originating problems (NANC Question 3), changes in the counselee’s unbiblical thinking (NANC
Question 5), the replacement of idolatry (NANC Question 6), and future goals (NANC Question
12). This will give you solid data to review and to assess how the counselee is spiritually
progressing.
4
Jesus counseled His disciples for three years!
The counselee often has years of psychotherapy ingrained into their thinking which affects their feelings. Paul
reminds the nouthetic counselor to be patient with all men teaching them…
5
4
Dr. Rick Thomas
Mt. Carmel Ministries (There is no hopeless situation or helpless person)
Biblical Counseling Education (Reaching Rural America One Church At A Time)
E-mail: mcmbclsor@yahoo.com
Web: www.mtcarmelmin.org
Twitter: www.twitter.com/MtCarmelMin
Facebook: www.facebook.com/richardkthomas
Skype: www.skype.com/rick.thomas1951
Next, you should share your assessment with the counselee6. The purpose is to be open to any
blind sides. The counselee can provide affirmation that progress is indeed being made. Or the
counselee may present concerns over unclear instruction or lack of confidence in areas of their
life they might feel they are still uncertain what the Bible requires of them. This review is
important.
As you determine that the counselee is indeed making spiritual progress, based on some
criteria indicated in this and other papers, then move the counselee from a weekly
appointment to every other week. This methodology is important. By moving the counselee to
every two weeks, you will be able to discern that the counselee can maintain those spiritual
disciplines during a longer period of time. Increasing the time span between visits often reveals
how dependent the counselee is upon God or you. It is the former that the nouthetic
counselor’s strive for. Insure you provide [1] reinforcing homework on covered issues, or [2]
building homework of refinement on covered issue. Insure that the homework continues to
drive them into the Bible and is meaty enough to sustain them for two weeks. The type
homework should revolve around inductive Bible study.7 I advocate meeting with the
counselee every two weeks for two or three months.
As the counselee continues to display the biblical character and conduct of a changed and
changing life, I will discuss with them about meeting once a month for two or three months.
Deductive Bible study assignments are made. If after two or three months, the counselee
remains walking in truth, then graduate them.
The final assignment before the last monthly meeting might look like this: “John, we have
covered so much biblical truth and I am so pleased with all the changes you are making. The
first assignment is that I want you to go back through all your previous assignments. I want you
to categorize the Scriptures as to what biblical put-off or put-on principle it is associated with.
The second assignment is I want you to take a piece of paper and divide into two sections. In
the left section, record what you were like, what you were thinking, what you were feeling,
what you wanted before you came to counseling. On the right side of the paper, record the
biblical principles you were taught to each of those sinful areas. The third assignment is I want
6
It is my recommendation that such reviews are systematically scheduled for every 6-7 weeks as long as you are
counseling this person.
7
Often during counseling homework assignments are deductive in nature, meaning a topic is given and verses
assigned to reinforce the central truth. Inductive Bible Study method is assigning a passage from which the
counselee will develop a biblical matrix, draw conclusions, and formulate application.
5
Dr. Rick Thomas
Mt. Carmel Ministries (There is no hopeless situation or helpless person)
Biblical Counseling Education (Reaching Rural America One Church At A Time)
E-mail: mcmbclsor@yahoo.com
Web: www.mtcarmelmin.org
Twitter: www.twitter.com/MtCarmelMin
Facebook: www.facebook.com/richardkthomas
Skype: www.skype.com/rick.thomas1951
you to write out several goals you want to accomplish for the glory of God. List the goal. List
what steps you need to take in order to accomplish that goal. Establish the time frame when
you want to see the goal completed (i.e.: 3 months, 6 months,, 9 months, 12 months). List the
potential roadblocks and the alternative plans to overcome those roadblocks.
Graduating them is more than, “Remember, you have all the tools you need. I am available if
you need to call. Good luck.” What I will suggest is a practice of mine. I let them know that the
last session will be such n’ such date. During that time we will conduct an overall review and
then graduate them. I try to pick up something under $10.00 that would be spiritually
meaningful to remind them of their progress and the upward calling in Christ Jesus. It could be
a small plaque, book, bookmark, or something you make. We review one final time all that
they were taught, hurdles they overcame, and the goals they have ahead of them to glorify
God.
I liken this procedure to someone having major surgery. After major surgery, the doctor will
come by your hospital room each day to see how the patient is doing. After the patient is
release, the nurse at the doctor’s office will call the patient and schedule the first postoperative follow-up. He may want to the patient weekly to monitor the progress. If the patient
is progressing well, he will tell the patient to make an appointment in thirty days. Then three
months. Then six months, etc.
See the visual below as it relates to graduating a counselee.
Monthly
Weekly
Every
two
weeks
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Dr. Rick Thomas
Mt. Carmel Ministries (There is no hopeless situation or helpless person)
Biblical Counseling Education (Reaching Rural America One Church At A Time)
E-mail: mcmbclsor@yahoo.com
Web: www.mtcarmelmin.org
Twitter: www.twitter.com/MtCarmelMin
Facebook: www.facebook.com/richardkthomas
Skype: www.skype.com/rick.thomas1951
How to terminate a counselee
This is not a pleasant situation. It oftentimes is more difficult for the nouthetic counselor 8 than
the counselee. It is agonizing, painful, heart-breaking, excruciating, and exhausting.
Recognizing the reasons for terminating a counselee listed on pages 2-3, you need to move
toward termination. A struggle for a nouthetic counselor is
the internal feelings of failure in trying to help the
counselee change. A nouthetic counselor is not
responsible to bring about change in the counselee. The
nouthetic counselor is responsible to create an
environment for change using the Bible to the counselee.
A nouthetic counselor might delay in what is best for the
counselee, namely termination, because the counselor has
a Saint Bernard mentality. Jesus did not heal everybody He
came in contact with! The nouthetic counselor can only
help those who sincerely desire to receive the hope and
help from God’s Word. I have not failed if the counselee
rebuffs the life-giving source of change.
When you begin to see the signs listed on pages 2-3, it is time to present a compassionate
reality check to the counselee. Remind the counselee the goals of biblical counseling. Remind
the counselee about the requirements of homework, punctuality, and keeping appointments.
Review “motivational factors” from Introduction to Biblical Counseling by MacArthur and Mack
discerning which motivation(s) would prove more fruitful. Work with the counselee to
determine the causes of resistance. Is it something about you? Are you overwhelming them
with homework? Do you lack compassion? Are you coming across as a legalist?
Warn the counselee about being stick-necked and stubborn. Exhort the counselee that such
attitudes and/or conduct is displeasing to the Lord and must be changed. Tell the counselee
that if such resistance continues you will respond to this behavior by terminating the counseling
until such time they confess, repent, and return in submission to the authority of God’s Word.
Always leave the door open for their return with the aforementioned condition.
8
This may depend on your personality and make-up
7
Dr. Rick Thomas
Mt. Carmel Ministries (There is no hopeless situation or helpless person)
Biblical Counseling Education (Reaching Rural America One Church At A Time)
E-mail: mcmbclsor@yahoo.com
Web: www.mtcarmelmin.org
Twitter: www.twitter.com/MtCarmelMin
Facebook: www.facebook.com/richardkthomas
Skype: www.skype.com/rick.thomas1951