X1:231 X2:485 Y1:061 Y2:082 Tale of Two Santas X1:141 X2:573 Y1:061
Y2:121 In true winter tradition, members of the Zarlon 7 Polar Bear Club.
X1:162 X2:551 Y1:061 Y2:126 . today took the plunge into a river of
liquid ammonia. X1:191 X2:523 Y1:061 Y2:121 - There were no survivors. It takes all kinds. X1:108 X2:607 Y1:061 Y2:126 Now, with his annual
message, here's the head of the Xmas Safety Council: X1:164 X2:549 Y1:451
Y2:516 - The head of Walter Cronkite. - Season 's warnings. X1:180 X2:535
Y1:061 Y2:127 This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle? X1:192 X2:527
Y1:061 Y2:126 In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season.
X1:125 X2:592 Y1:061 Y2:121 . we underestimate that murderous brute
known as Santa Claus. X1:108 X2:615 Y1:061 Y2:121 With images of last
year's Gingerbread Massacre baked into our memories. X1:135 X2:580 Y1:061
Y2:126 . I remind you to bolt your doors, say goodbye to your pets.
X1:199 X2:518 Y1:061 Y2:121 . and lock your children in the closet.
X1:161 X2:557 Y1:451 Y2:516 This is Walter Cronkite saying, "I told you
so." X1:127 X2:588 Y1:456 Y2:516 Sacred boar of Western Samoa! We must
secure for Santa's arrival! X1:218 X2:498 Y1:061 Y2:122 Fine. I'm getting
tired of this wood show. X1:226 X2:489 Y1:490 Y2:516 Cover that
fireplace! X1:140 X2:576 Y1:450 Y2:516 I've only a few years to live.
I don't want to spend them dead.X1:131 X2:585 Y1:450 Y2:516 - We're
pushing as hard as we can. - Oh! Pushing. X1:189 X2:527 Y1:450 Y2:516
We're doomed. Every year we're doomed. X1:169 X2:547 Y1:451 Y2:516 Thanks
be I had these bulletproof shutters installed. X1:150 X2:564 Y1:451
Y2:516 Bring it on, Santa. That vicious cadaver-junkie can't touch us.
X1:114 X2:604 Y1:450 Y2:516 as long as we're not stupid enough to leave
this building. X1:134 X2:581 Y1:061 Y2:126 In a related matter, you'll
deliver this sack of letters. X1:142 X2:572 Y1:061 Y2:126 directly to
Santa at his death fortress on Neptune. X1:134 X2:580 Y1:061 Y2:121 These
letters are real butt-nutters. Listen to this. "Dear Santa " X1:165
X2:552 Y1:451 Y2:516 Please, please don 't bring me any gifts.
X1:105 X2:609 Y1:451 Y2:516 The bicycle you fired at me last year from
your bike gun tore up my insides. X1:164 X2:550 Y1:455 Y2:516 Awful!
Let's read some more. "Dear Santa " X1:113 X2:599 Y1:490 Y2:516 Please
bring me a coffin for Grandpa. X1:122 X2:600 Y1:451 Y2:516 You choked him
with a chestnut last year, and he's beginning to smell. X1:097 X2:620
Y1:451 Y2:516 In my day, Xmas was supposed to bring people together, not
blow them apart. X1:127 X2:588 Y1:453 Y2:516 Sure, but who's gonna do
anything about it? Not us. No, sir. X1:142 X2:575 Y1:455 Y2:516 Yes, us.
We've got to bring back the kind of Xmas I remember. X1:154 X2:561 Y1:450
Y2:516 Fry's right.
It's time to sit on Santa's lap, and hard!X1:128 X2:588 Y1:490 Y2:516
Look, a cute little welcoming party. X1:144 X2:572 Y1:451 Y2:516 - Want
to buy a tiny kidney? - I'll let you punch me for a buck. X1:152 X2:563
Y1:450 Y2:516 Look, we've got mail for Santa. Are you his elves? X1:108
X2:608 Y1:450 Y2:516 - No, we're Neptunians. - We're tiny because he
won't feed us. X1:139 X2:576 Y1:495 Y2:516 You hit me. You owe me a
dollar. X1:174 X2:541 Y1:451 Y2:516 Got any food? Old tea bags, chewed
gum, apple cores? X1:144 X2:572 Y1:450 Y2:516 - We're starving here! You live in a gingerbread house. X1:119 X2:598 Y1:450 Y2:516 - It's food
or shelter, not both. - Don't you get paid for making toys? X1:254 X2:463
Y1:451 Y2:516 - Who said toys? - Toys? X1:240 X2:475 Y1:493 Y2:516 False
alarm, folks.
X1:146 X2:568 Y1:450 Y2:516 There's no toys made. Santa says everyone is
naughty. X1:148 X2:569 Y1:450 Y2:516 That's it! I'm delivering my boot up
Santa's chimney. X1:190 X2:526 Y1:454 Y2:516 - Where is he? - There, in
his ice fortress. X1:186 X2:529 Y1:450 Y2:516 We'll need help getting in.
Any volunteers? X1:273 X2:443 Y1:450 Y2:516 - I'll help you. - Oh,
phooey! X1:289 X2:428 Y1:456 Y2:516 - An omen? - Dinner. X1:163 X2:556
Y1:450 Y2:516 Let's see who's been naughty and who's been naughty. X1:135
X2:584 Y1:451 Y2:516 Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection
money. X1:267 X2:448 Y1:490 Y2:516 Very naughty. X1:131 X2:585 Y1:451
Y2:516 Shopkeepers not paying protection money. Exactly as naughty.
X1:289 X2:427 Y1:495 Y2:516 I saw that! X1:213 X2:502 Y1:490 Y2:516 We
brought your mail.
X1:212 X2:505 Y1:489 Y2:516 Don't you ever knock? X1:143 X2:573 Y1:451
Y2:516 Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? X1:146 X2:570
Y1:456 Y2:516 - I get New Orleans on this thing. - Don't kill us! X1:111
X2:604 Y1:450 Y2:516 Santa's a robot. We should be able to destroy him
with a logical paradox. X1:127 X2:588 Y1:490 Y2:516 Bender, you better
cover your ears. X1:221 X2:495 Y1:490 Y2:516 Holy night! Intruders!
X1:265 X2:451 Y1:059 Y2:082 Hold it, Santa. X1:129 X2:587 Y1:451 Y2:516
Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. X1:158 X2:560
Y1:456 Y2:516 But many of those you destroy are in fact nice. X1:121
X2:593 Y1:451 Y2:516 I submit that you are naughty.
So, logically, you must destroy yourself.X1:121 X2:597 Y1:451 Y2:516
Nice try, but my head was built with paradox-absorbing crumple zones.
X1:105 X2:610 Y1:489 Y2:516 Wait! This is what we're running from. X1:265
X2:450 Y1:495 Y2:516 Faster! Faster! X1:200 X2:518 Y1:455 Y2:516 - Why
aren't we moving? - I don't know. X1:152 X2:565 Y1:451 Y2:516 Usually
when I do stuff like this the ship moves. X1:268 X2:449 Y1:493 Y2:516 Ho,
ho. Huh? X1:266 X2:449 Y1:450 Y2:516 - He's trapped. - Hooray! X1:157
X2:558 Y1:451 Y2:516 - Now we can make toys again! - Toys! Toys! Toys!
X1:148 X2:568 Y1:451 Y2:516 And I can deliver them. Billions and billions
in one night. X1:173 X2:543 Y1:456 Y2:516 - No human could do all that. Evel Knievel could. X1:170 X2:544 Y1:455 Y2:516 Santa's right.
We need some sort of robot.X1:168 X2:548 Y1:489 Y2:516 Crap! I'm some
sort of robot. X1:309 X2:407 Y1:490 Y2:516 Hooray! X1:309 X2:407 Y1:490
Y2:516 Hooray! X1:309 X2:407 Y1:490 Y2:516 Hooray! X1:138 X2:580 Y1:450
Y2:516 Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications.
X1:129 X2:589 Y1:450 Y2:516 I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either,
but that didn't stop me. X1:168 X2:548 Y1:451 Y2:516 - Bender! - Bow
before your new Santa. X1:298 X2:418 Y1:495 Y2:516 Our hero! X1:179
X2:543 Y1:451 Y2:516 We are free and fairly sober With so many toys to
build X1:153 X2:566 Y1:451 Y2:516 The machines are kind of tricky
Probably someone will be killed X1:155 X2:561 Y1:490 Y2:516 But we gladly
work for nothing X1:150 X2:568 Y1:451 Y2:516 Which is good Because we don
't intend to pay X1:143 X2:579 Y1:451 Y2:516 The elves are back to work
today Hooray X1:175 X2:544 Y1:451 Y2:516 We have just a couple hours To
make several billion gifts X1:146 X2:570 Y1:451 Y2:516 - And the labor
isn 't easy - Then you'll all work triple shifts X1:105 X2:614 Y1:451
Y2:516 You can make the job go quicker If you turn the controls to super
speed X1:152 X2:565 Y1:451 Y2:516 - It's back to work on Xmas Eve Hooray X1:104 X2:612 Y1:451 Y2:516 And though you're cold, sore and ugly
Your pride will mask the pain X1:108 X2:608 Y1:451 Y2:516 - Let my happy
smile warm your hearts - There's a toy lodged in my brain X1:161 X2:556
Y1:451 Y2:516 We are getting awfully tired And we can 't work any faster
X1:215 X2:506 Y1:061 Y2:087 We're very, very sorry X1:144 X2:577 Y1:061
Y2:126 You selfish little bastards The kids will think Santa is a jerk
X1:109 X2:612 Y1:490 Y2:516 Then shut your yaps and back to work X1:128
X2:590 Y1:456 Y2:516 Now it's very nearly Xmas And we've done the best we
could X1:162 X2:557 Y1:456 Y2:516 - These are poorly painted - And made
from inferior wood X1:161 X2:555 Y1:451 Y2:516 I should give you all a
beating But I have to fly X1:185 X2:532 Y1:451 Y2:516 If I weren 't stuck
here I'd harpoon you in the eye X1:151 X2:564 Y1:451 Y2:516 Now it's back
to our tenements To drown ourselves in rye X1:153 X2:566 Y1:451 Y2:516
You did the best you could Some of these gorillas are okay X1:247 X2:469
Y1:451 Y2:516 - Hooray! - We're adequate! X1:138 X2:583 Y1:451 Y2:516 The
elves have rescued Xmas Day Hooray X1:117 X2:599 Y1:456 Y2:516 Gee, how
are you gonna get through these bars? X1:213 X2:503 Y1:450 Y2:516 I don't
know, moron.
Suppose I bend them?X1:322 X2:394 Y1:490 Y2:516 Okay. X1:099 X2:617
Y1:489 Y2:516 Mommy! Santa's through the perimeter! X1:180 X2:537 Y1:451
Y2:516 Kids, take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! X1:136 X2:579
Y1:450 Y2:516 No, wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys at reasonable
prices. X1:187 X2:528 Y1:455 Y2:516 He's the father of all lies and the
uncle of all tricks! X1:158 X2:557 Y1:455 Y2:516 - I've come bearing TriOminos. - Go for the shins! X1:273 X2:442 Y1:061 Y2:082 One down. X1:171
X2:543 Y1:451 Y2:516 Well, hello there, handsome. Won't you have a
cookie? X1:239 X2:476 Y1:494 Y2:516 Don't mind if I do. X1:204 X2:512
Y1:489 Y2:516 What's in these things? X1:134 X2:582 Y1:450 Y2:516 Why
don't you slip into something more fiery? X1:171 X2:545 Y1:451 Y2:516 Yo,
Kringle, what happened to you, dog? X1:206 X2:509 Y1:450 Y2:516 It's
awful, Kwanza-Bot.
Everyone hates me.X1:115 X2:601 Y1:451 Y2:516 At least they understand
you. Nobody's down with this Kwanza tip. X1:111 X2:604 Y1:456 Y2:516 Hey, maybe you can lend me a hand. - No time. X1:132 X2:583 Y1:490 Y2:516
I gotta hand out the Kwanza book. X1:190 X2:529 Y1:450 Y2:516 I've been
giving these out for 647 years. X1:118 X2:595 Y1:451 Y2:516 Bathtub
eggnog, just the way Grandma used to drink. X1:107 X2:611 Y1:451 Y2:516 It went sour! - Can't I have a scented bath in peace? X1:104 X2:611
Y1:451 Y2:516 Remember, professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to
hurt him, right? X1:162 X2:552 Y1:456 Y2:516 Yes, yes, yes. You sound
like a broken MP3. X1:306 X2:412 Y1:493 Y2:516 Ho, ho. X1:158 X2:561
Y1:450 Y2:516 Professor, don't you remember what I told you? X1:337
X2:379 Y1:495 Y2:516 No! X1:159 X2:556 Y1:489 Y2:516 There's gotta be a
better way.
X1:199
Y2:516
Y1:450
X2:518
Y1:061
X2:516 Y1:489 Y2:516 Bender, you're a genius. X1:188 X2:529 Y1:451
This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty. X1:184 X2:531
Y2:516 Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present. X1:197
Y1:061 Y2:127 It's Santa! We've got him cornered. X1:143 X2:573
Y2:126 - I smell a juicy promotion for me. - And a juicy rehiring
for me. X1:152 X2:566 Y1:456 Y2:516 This Xmas Day session of court will
come to order. X1:132 X2:584 Y1:490 Y2:516 Honorable Judge Whitey
presiding. X1:113 X2:604 Y1:451 Y2:516 Santa, you stand accused of crimes
against humanity. How do you plead? X1:237 X2:478 Y1:451 Y2:516 - Not
Santa. - There he is again! X1:151 X2:568 Y1:455 Y2:516 Now, Pramala, I
know it's scary in the witness box.
X1:132 X2:584 Y1:494 Y2:516 But there ain't no need to fear me. X1:134
X2:581 Y1:489 Y2:516 I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. X1:169 X2:549
Y1:456 Y2:516 Now, would you please point at that robot over there?
X1:221 X2:494 Y1:490 Y2:516 No further questions. X1:204 X2:513 Y1:490
Y2:516 Daddy done good, huh? X1:101 X2:615 Y1:450 Y2:516 - Haven't you
been paid to testify? - You gave me a dollar and some candy. X1:120
X2:597 Y1:450 Y2:516 Yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can
we trust you? X1:174 X2:542 Y1:451 Y2:516 - Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where? X1:149 X2:565 Y1:451 Y2:516 Whereas I have a ham dinner
waiting for me at my mansion. X1:171 X2:545 Y1:490 Y2:516 I find the
defendant guilty. X1:127 X2:590 Y1:456 Y2:516 Santa Claus, I hereby
sentence you to be executed at sundown.
X1:110 X2:607 Y1:455 Y2:516 It's not fair. I hope that dumb chicken is
ashamed of himself. X1:152 X2:564 Y1:451 Y2:516 Deactivated robot
walking! Deactivated robot walking here! X1:116 X2:599 Y1:451 Y2:516
Santa, when you see the robot devil, tell him I'm coming. X1:185 X2:533
Y1:456 Y2:516 - That guy said to tell you. - I heard him. X1:104 X2:612
Y1:451 Y2:516 Greetings, masters. My companion and I made lots of toys.
X1:128 X2:590 Y1:450 Y2:516 Out of my way. We're taking Santa to prove
Bender's innocence. X1:155 X2:562 Y1:455 Y2:516 Do what you will, but
we'll see who has the last ho. X1:180 X2:535 Y1:451 Y2:516 - There. - Oh,
no! The ice is melting! X1:173 X2:541 Y1:450 Y2:516 The factory's
pollution caused a greenhouse effect.
X1:164 X2:551 Y1:451 Y2:516 - That would explain this heat. - And your
shorts. X1:178 X2:537 Y1:490 Y2:516 Yeah, that would explain it. X1:122
X2:595 Y1:453 Y2:516 We've got to think of a way to save Bender, or Xmas
will be ruined! X1:218 X2:497 Y1:490 Y2:516 Especially for Bender. X1:173
X2:542 Y1:451 Y2:516 Look out, Earth. I'm dreaming of a red Xmas. X1:243
X2:471 Y1:490 Y2:516 Good old Maggie. X1:131 X2:583 Y1:451 Y2:516 When I
pull the switch, these electromagnets will tear you apart. X1:144 X2:571
Y1:456 Y2:516 - A most humane death. - But that doesn't sound humane!
X1:204 X2:511 Y1:451 Y2:516 It is for the witnesses because it's not
boring. X1:120 X2:597 Y1:451 Y2:516 When this random-number generator
reaches zero, you'll be executed.
X1:129 X2:588 Y1:489 Y2:516 "Ten. Three. Twelve. Three" again. X1:226
X2:489 Y1:456 Y2:516 - Stop the execution! - Leela! X1:194 X2:522 Y1:489
Y2:516 "Fifteen. Negative eight." X1:105 X2:611 Y1:455 Y2:516 - I'll
prove you've got the wrong Santa. - I'm Santa Claus! X1:199 X2:517 Y1:453
Y2:516 - What? "Twenty-seven." - No, I'm Santa Claus. X1:197 X2:518
Y1:455 Y2:516 - "Six"! - We're also Santa Claus. X1:189 X2:525 Y1:492
Y2:516 And I'm his friend, Jesus. X1:163 X2:551 Y1:451 Y2:516 If you
execute him, you have to execute all of us. X1:110 X2:605 Y1:450 Y2:516
You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. "Ninety-one." X1:132
X2:584 Y1:451 Y2:516 How dare you lie in front of Jesus! Hey, "zero"!
X1:226 X2:489 Y1:490 Y2:516 No! Not the magnet! X1:231 X2:485 Y1:451
Y2:516 - This is horrible.
- But it's not boring.X1:285 X2:431 Y1:493 Y2:516 Ho, ho, ho. X1:199
X2:516 Y1:454 Y2:516 My God! The real Santa! Get him, Jesus! X1:136
X2:579 Y1:490 Y2:516 I help those who help themselves. X1:192 X2:523
Y1:456 Y2:516 Santa, you saved my life. Please don't kill me! X1:137
X2:579 Y1:450 Y2:516 I'm not here to kill you, Bender. I need you to help
me save Xmas. X1:188 X2:528 Y1:451 Y2:516 Gee whiz, Santa, you want me to
help you? X1:126 X2:590 Y1:453 Y2:516 - Don't do it! He's evil! - I know
he is, but I have no choice. X1:114 X2:603 Y1:450 Y2:516 I'm late. If I
don't complete my brutal rampage, it just wouldn't be Xmas. X1:183 X2:532
Y1:489 Y2:516 I guess what I'm asking is: X1:211 X2:507 Y1:450 Y2:516
Bender, won't you join my slaying tonight? X1:219 X2:495 Y1:492 Y2:516
Well, 'tis the season.
X1:235 X2:480 Y1:451 Y2:516 - My hair! - My wedding cake! X1:281 X2:434
Y1:495 Y2:516 Let it snow! X1:241 X2:475 Y1:490 Y2:516 Merry Xmas, kids.
X1:235 X2:480 Y1:490 Y2:516 This wangs chung. X1:142 X2:574 Y1:456 Y2:516
After all the good we tried to do, Xmas turned out rotten. X1:287 X2:429
Y1:451 Y2:516 - No heat. - No power. X1:194 X2:521 Y1:451 Y2:516 Huddled
together in fear like lice in a burning wig. X1:180 X2:537 Y1:456 Y2:516
Maybe your futuristic Xmas isn't so rotten after all. X1:174 X2:542
Y1:451 Y2:516 What are you talking about? You said it yourself: X1:126
X2:589 Y1:451 Y2:516 Xmas should bring people together, not blow them
apart. X1:121 X2:593 Y1:450 Y2:516 Don't you see? Fear has brought us
together.
That's the magic of Xmas.X1:212 X2:505 Y1:489 Y2:516 That's a big crock
of. X1:301 X2:414 Y1:495 Y2:516 Hold me! X1:184 X2:531 Y1:493 Y2:516 On,
Trasher! On, Smasher! X1:152 X2:566 Y1:451 Y2:516 - Kwanza-Bot, where you
off to? - Didn't you hear? X1:131 X2:585 Y1:451 Y2:516 Chanukah Zombie is
having a luau. You coming? X1:319 X2:396 Y1:495 Y2:516 Word! X1:100
X2:617 Y1:450 Y2:516 Here's a small token of my appreciation for being
Santa while I was trapped. X1:207 X2:508 Y1:451 Y2:516 Chief, you screwed
up. There's nothing here. X1:189 X2:530 Y1:451 Y2:516 Oh, it might appear
empty but the message is clear: X1:192 X2:523 Y1:451 Y2:516 Play Santa
again, and I'll kill you next year! X1:285 X2:431 Y1:493 Y2:516 Ho, ho,
ho!