CRD 2011
Assumptions
Presentation Outline
1.
Time
5 min
Topic/ Activities
Welcome/Intro/Purpose
Who
Tasks
Post on Flipchart
2.
5-7 min
What are YOU Thinking?
Show Pictures & Ask
“What are you Thinking”
Discuss
3.
5-7 min
Perspectives and Perceptions
Finger Drawing Exercise
Share Information
4.
5-7 min
Iceberg
Share Information
5.
15 min
Exercise: Checking out
Assumptions
Hand out exercise
Have participants answer
the questions (7 min)
Have participants pair up
and debrief (8 min)
6.
5 min
Wrap-Up
Share Information
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1. Welcome to the 2011 Conflict Resolution Day celebrations.
Conflict Resolution Day is an international celebration held annually on the third
Thursday in October.
The materials presented today were gathered and organized by The Alberta Conflict
Resolution Day Committee. This committee, formed 5 years ago, is comprised of
representatives from various departments of the Government of Alberta and your local
not for profit community and is being presented in approximately 40 different
communities in Alberta today.
My name is …
I am a volunteer with …
We hope you find this presentation helpful and informative!
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ASSUMPTIONS:
2. What are YOU Thinking?
To start, we’re going to do an activity called “What are YOU Thinking?”
Look at this and tell us what you are thinking about it.
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We’ve just had our first quick look at Assumptions! We all make them!
At Wikipedia it says: “In logic an assumption is a proposition that is taken for granted,
as if it were true based upon presupposition without preponderance of the facts.”
Simply put, assumptions are our perception of a situation – it’s what we think based on
what we see or hear not based on facts. But as you’ve just seen, what we think may
not be what’s really happening.
The best advice is to “Be Curious”. Don’t assume what you are thinking is always right.
When you’re not sure what’s happening…ASK!
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3. Perspectives and Perceptions
What role do you think perspectives and perceptions play in communication and
understanding?
Try this…Take your pointer finger and with their hand over their head, start drawing
circles on the ceiling. Go clockwise, 12-3-6-9…12-3-6-9. Are you sure you are going
clockwise? I think you are going the wrong way, counter clockwise. Are your sure you
are going clockwise. Well, if you are sure you are then keep drawing those circles and
begin to move your hand slowly down, in front of your face, keep drawing circles, now
move it down to chest level, keep drawing those circles. Look down at your finger again
– are you still going clockwise? If you’re not, do it again, correctly this time. See, I was
right when I said you were going the wrong way…or was I?
This is what happens in communication and conflict. We all think we are being perfectly
clear and that when others see the situation, they see it exactly as we do. Because of
this, we don’t explain things in detail, we make assumptions that can be misunderstood
and cause problems, and we tend to look at others as incompetent when they can’t
seem to understand what is obviously right there in front of their eyes.
What they may be seeing, however, is something totally different because each of us is
unique. What each of us sees and understands is “filtered” through our past
experiences. So what each of us thinks is important in a conversation is different. So,
in a conversation, you may ignore or block out conversation that’s not important to you.
This can cause misunderstandings.
Remember the finger twirling exercise and point out how each of them thought they
were doing it right. When we told you that you were doing it wrong you didn’t believe
me. You thought I was wrong. And this is what can cause conflict – you think you’re
right and the other person is wrong. That exercise proves that often both people can be
right, depending on how they are looking at the situation. So before believing the other
person is wrong, you can try to understand it from their perspective.
Part of that is using listening skills and the other part is to be curious.
Again…ask questions to gain a better understanding of their view.
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4. Assumption Iceberg
The Assumption
Iceberg
Figure 1
EVENTS
(visible)
MOTIVE
Known to me
Unknown to
them
IMPACT
Known to
them
Unknown to
ASSUME-JUDGE me
The Assumption
Iceberg
Figure 2-surface –
clarify assumptions
EVENTS
Shared
story
MOTIVE
Known to
both
IMPACT
Known to
both
The diagram explains how two people can view the same situation very differently.
Figure 1:
Each
Stories have similar events – but motive and impact are unclear – underwater.
knows their own side – neither understands the FULL story
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Figure 2:
an
“surfaces”
When people shift from JUDGEMENT to Curiosity – the situation can change –
opportunity to share perspectives – so they understand motive and impact
the conflict
Walk through an example. (Facilitators can also share one of their own.)
My teenage daughter has a curfew. Lately she has been late – she has a new boyfriend and I
think that is likely the problem. He lives on an acreage and I know there have been a lot of
parties in that area. The police have been out there. I don’t know his family. I am worried that
she is going to get hurt by a drunk driver or get herself into an unsafe situation. Her curfew is
midnight and it is now 1:00AM and she hasn’t called. Why did I get her that cell phone
anyway?! Has she been drinking? Why hasn’t she called? I am going out of my mind!!!!
Daughter walks in looking haggard.
Take one:
I blast her for being late and tell her she is grounded for a month and she has to
stop seeing her boyfriend. Doesn’t she get it?
She walks stone faced up to her room.
Take two:
(Open Question) I say, “Hi. I am glad you are home safe. It has been an hour
after curfew – I hadn’t heard from you and I was worried, and I am wondering
what happened.”
Daughter: “I’m sorry Mom. I was on my way home when Annie called me. She
was talking crazy. She said she was going to take some pills. She just broke up
with her boyfriend, so I went over to her place and talked with her and made sure
she wasn’t going to do anything stupid. Her parents are away this week. I called
her older brother and he came over and is staying with her. I am really worried
about her. . . “
Gary Harper, The Joy of Conflict Resolution: Transforming Victims, Villains, and Heroes in the Workplace and at
Home (Gabriola Island, BC; New Society Publishers, 2004) at p 48 and 49.
We all make assumptions. We assume we know what others are thinking and feeling
and weave that into our own stories.
We often treat OUR Assumptions as the “TRUTH” even though we only see part of the
picture.
Key Message here : We judge someone else’s actions based on the IMPACT on us –
how their actions effected us BUT we judge our own actions based upon our INTENT
– what we meant, our intentions!
What do you think? Do you see the difference? Can you imagine using the second
approach in any conflicts you may have?
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5. Checking out Assumptions
(Hand out worksheet)
Here is an exercise that will give you one idea of how you could check out your own
assumptions.
So take about 5-7 minutes to think about a conflict situation you have been in and
answer the questions on this worksheet.
After you’ve completed the questions, we will ask you to pair up with someone you don’t
know all that well and briefly share with one another how, if at all, going through this
exercise has affected your perspective.
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Checking out Assumptions
1. First take a moment and think about a conflict situation you have been in – it
could be at home or work, anywhere. Describe it briefly below:
2. Now consider your conflict situation and write down your answers to the
following questions about this situation:
a) What might be their reasons for doing what they are doing?
b) What don’t I know about the situation or person?
c) What do I think I know about myself, the other person, and the situation?
d) What can I do to get more clarification?
e) What questions can I ask them to better understand their perspective?
3. Find a partner - each of you briefly share with one another how going through
this exercise may have impacted your perspective
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So, how was this exercise? Is there anything you would like to share with the larger
group?
6. Summary/Wrap-Up
As mentioned earlier, assumptions are our perception of a situation. Therefore, while it
may be challenging to avoid making assumptions, it is possible to notice when we are
making assumptions and learn how to clarify them.
A few questions you may want to ask yourself when you find yourself making
assumptions are:
- What might be their reasons for doing what they are doing?
- What questions can I ask them to better understand their perspective?
- Do they know how their words and/or actions are affecting me?
- Do I think they will be open to talking with me?
- How best should I handle this?
As mentioned when we began…The best advice is to “Be Curious”. Don’t assume what
you are thinking is always right. When you’re not sure what’s happening…ASK!
Does anyone have any questions or comments before we wrap up our session?
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Sources & Resources:
Google Images
Gary Harper, The Joy of Conflict Resolution: Transforming Victims, Villains, and Heroes
in the Workplace and at Home (Gabriola Island, BC; New Society Publishers, 2004) at p
48 and 49.
Perspectives and Perceptions exercise taken from Catholic Social Services ParentTeen Mediation Program, You Just Don’t Get It Workshop
Checking out Assumptions exercise taken from Strathcona County Community
Mediation Society, Communicating Through Conflict Workshop
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