Helping Gifted Children Soar
A Practical Guide for Parents and Teachers
By Carol A Strip, PhD with
Gretchen Hirsch
“Parenting a gifted child is like living in a theme park full of thrill rides.”
 One part of the child is “older” (cognitive or thinking ability) than the
other parts-- emotional, social and sometimes, physical-- of the
personality. It is called “asynchronous development.”
Highly gifted children are as different from “moderately” gifted children as “moderately”
gifted children are from average students.
If a teacher or a parent notices a wide difference between the child’s performance in
school subjects it may be a clue that the child has a learning disability in the area that is
low.
 Gifted children may also unachieved because they don’t like the teacher,
are in a power struggle with their parents over schoolwork, or because of
emotional problems.
Gifted children are children first.
unusual thinkers.
Academically gifted children are out-of-the-box,
As long as gifted children receive reasonable opportunities to explore, think, and create,
their intellectual gifts can thrive, sometimes with relatively little stimulation.
Introducing children to a wide variety of learning opportunities actually helps identify
those who are gifted.
The gifted child is able to see relationships and make connections that aren’t immediately
apparent to other children.
 Gifted children soak up information rapidly and are on an intense quest to
learn more.
 If they don’t receive the stimulation they need for intellectual and social
growth, some gifted students will “camouflage” and hide their abilities or
let their talents wither and die.
High potential in many areas is what gifted children have in common.
 Many learning styles (visual, kinesthetic, auditory) are present.
Ways to tell the difference between gifted and smart:
 Learning speed and application of concepts
 Questioning style
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Emotional outlook
Level of interest
Language ability
Concern with fairness
Self-image
Gifted children need adults to support them when they feel confused, friendless, and
frightened.
You are on a journey fraught with thrills, chills, spills and wills.
Many things factor into a screening for gifted diagnosis:
 Test scores; checklists; interviews; portfolios; independent study projects
 Nominations by teachers, parents, peers, etc
 Student’s motivation and learning styles
 Parent’s interest and support for their child’s participation
 Student’s self-inventory of values, interests, and attitude toward school
and extracurricular activities
Ten core attributes of giftedness:
 Communication skills
 Creativity/imagination
 Inquiry
 Insight
 Interest
 Memory
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Motivation
Problem solving
Reasoning
Before testing, to provide optimal conditions, give your child a good breakfast, a big
smile and tell him/her to have fun. Trust that they’ll do the best possible job they can.
Best situation for a child is a classroom where he feels safe and valued where
achievement is expected and encouraged.
When adults listen to them, allow them to explore, give them a voice in planning
classroom activities, reward them when they try things that stretch their intellectual
limits, and respect their dignity and individuality children feel safe and supported.
As the primary advocates for their child, parents must familiarize themselves with the
kinds of teaching and learning activities used and supported in the child’s school.
Parents and teachers are the strongest resources for one another. Share information, not
prejudices.
Joyce Van Tassel-Baska’s characteristics necessary for teachers if they are to be effective
with gifted learners:
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Eager backing of acceleration options for able learners,
The capability to modify a curriculum,
Adequate training and competence in the content area, and
Preparation in organizing and managing classroom activities.
Barbara Clark feels that teachers of the gifted should have an “uncommon ability” to
empathize with and inspire students; share enthusiasm, a love of learning, a joy of living;
be authentic and humane; be alert, knowledgeable, and informed; tolerate ambiguity; and
value intelligence, intuition, diversity, uniqueness, change, growth, and self-actualization.
Gifted students want their teachers to understand them, exhibit a sense of humor, make
learning fun, and be cheerful. What’s not important is age, race, ethnicity or gender.
Useful traits in working with gifted children:
 Facilitating attitude and
behavior
 Self-confidence
 Resourcefulness and
flexibility
 Creativity and openmindedness
 Technical knowledge
 Stamina
 Subject matter competence and skill
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Trusting attitude
Cultural knowledge
Sense of humor
Real interest in and love
for these unusual students
The ideal classroom is a place of learning and discovery, connected to the environment,
where children are invited to participate with spirit and imagination, geared to the various
ways children learn. Classroom is filled with student work, and children are continually
involved and able to tell you what they are doing and why. Classroom is always
changing, and is student-friendly where the needs of the child drive the instruction.
Teacher is a learning coach using various methods of instruction. Teachers and students
will mutually arrive at decisions and plans. One to one communication between teachers
and students is in process, and students who have completed required work are working
on independent projects of their choice. Teaching will match the student’s ability level.
The ideal classroom will balance open-ended, stimulating and creative opportunities for
divergent thinking and analysis with meaningful, practical activities that involve day-today living.
An expanded curriculum is NOT one where the gifted students get more of the same
work (MOTS). Busy work almost guarantees passive withdrawal or disruptive, perhaps
aggressive, behavior brought on by boredom and frustration.
A program for gifted children must provide pathways by which these students may
venture away from the basic curriculum in areas in which they excel. It may take place in
their own classroom with guidance from teacher; on field trips to museums, science
centers, or cultural performances; or with a specialist in a field. The students come back
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to work with their classmates when it is appropriate. The goal of the expanded
curriculum is to equip exceptional children for life. They go through life meeting
obstacles, encountering challenges, solving problems, and dealing with other people. The
teacher’s job is to find out where the child’s gifts lie and then provide a relevant,
authentic experiences that will use them in a wider context, such as an office, a
laboratory, classroom or studio.
“Education is what survives after what has been learned has been forgotten.” B.F.
Skinner
Differentiation means providing learning options that meet the students’ special needs for
acceleration of content and greater depth, breadth, and complexity of instruction, as well
as novelty.
When a teacher provides ways for the gifted child to excel through small group
investigation, independent study, or other options, he gains a valuable ally—the child.
When gifted children are fully engrossed, teachers find that they actually have more time
to give other students who need attention. When children are engaged in appropriate
learning, they channel energy that might otherwise be used in creating havoc in the
classroom.
It’s much harder to keep gifted children “under control” than it is to allow them to use
their brains and energy to pursue subjects that arouse their interest and curiosity.
Getting into power struggles with gifted children is useless. It’s better to negotiate and
allow some mutual decision-making so that children become your allies as well as your
students.
A gifted program should not be a reward for good academics and high achievement.
Gifted students aren’t always classroom stars.
Options for instruction:
 Curriculum compacting
 Concurrent enrollment
 Single subject acceleration
 Whole grade acceleration
 Independent study
 Cluster grouping
 Gifted resource or all-day classes
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Mentorships
Learning contracts
Honors classes
Advanced placement classes
Curriculum compacting allows students who have already mastered the skills and
concepts of the regular curriculum to “test out” of that curriculum. Compacting is
important for the child who resists repetition and has proven he can work ahead
without it. It’s not beneficial for those who simply are impatient with drill.
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Cluster grouping can cross the grade levels and be formed to meet the academic needs
of students from many classrooms. Cluster groups can be based on interest or
capability in particular subject areas and housed within the regular classroom.
Cluster groups must offer more and/or different opportunities; students must be
challenged with activities and concepts that stretch their abilities. They should offer a
variety of enrichment and/or acceleration options. You can tell if it’s working if the
group is purposeful and task-oriented; it self-corrects those who veer off-task.
Independent study gives students an opportunity to study a special-interest topic and
focuses on the child’s specific needs and learning styles. The teacher provides the
instruction in data gathering, analysis and presentation, outlines the steps of the study,
and sets deadlines for various stages of completion. It works if the student stays on
task, maintains focus, and initiates ideas and projects. It doesn’t work if the teacher
needs to provide continual support.
No one method is right for every child; part of the art of teaching is to match the child
to the combination of strategies that will be most productive at the time, taking into
account the student’s need and readiness.
For gifted students, contracts are often used as a management tool for teacher and
student; they state what must be accomplished and assessed before a child is
permitted to participate in expansion activities. They may also list curriculum
expansion options.
Contracts are valuable because they give gifted children some areas of independent
work, yet provide a path to follow. The contract helps them to take the responsibility
for the learning activities they want to do. A contract helps them to focus on one area
at a time, a skill that will be essential when they progress through school and into
career paths.
Optional learning is the norm for gifted children. They often come to class already
knowing what other students are often struggling to learn, and they need to exercise
their knowledge and skills in meaningful ways.
The contract becomes the child’s own individualized lesson plan. Students
themselves should handle the check-off process and schedule their own conferences
to share their work products. Break it into parts to be completed at a certain time so
it’s not quite so overwhelming. Students become responsible for some of their own
learning, giving students a sense of control and empowerment that reduces the stress
they might feel when forced into a step-to-step curriculum. They are much more
likely to become lifelong learners.
Many gifted children have said people who have had the greatest impact on their lives
are those who:
 Accept their feelings
 Love them, not just their
gifts and talents
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Spend time with them
Support their attempts as well as their achievement
Believe that learning is important
Help them believe in themselves
Encourage them to follow their dreams
Give them focused attention
Teachers fear that:
 Gifted students may know more than they do and will make them look
ignorant in front of the rest of the class
 Gifted children will take all their time and create hours of additional work
 The children’s parents will expect too much
 They will not be able to challenge gifted children adequately.
Gifted children are sometimes terrified because they believe that:
 They are weird and no one will ever like them
 They must always have the right answer to every question
 They may not be as smart as everyone thinks they are.
The most important thing parents and teachers can do, long before they worry about
cluster groups or mentoring, is to establish a trusting relationship with these gifted
students. This gives the children safe havens, people to go to for help, and places where
they can anchor themselves and rest. It’s critical that they are able to trust and rely on a
minimum of two or three significant adults.
The Ten Commandments of Trust:
1) Give the child focused attention.
2) Provide ways for the child to communicate when you can’t be there.
3) Make sure your body language matches your words.
4) Respect the child’s privacy.
5) Insist that the child respect your limits as well.
6) Br prepared to explain rules and limits.
7) Respect the child’s feelings, even if you must restrict behavior.
8) Respect the child’s confidences
9) Include the child in decisions that affect her life.
10) Tell the truth.
Adults must always be in charge of the home and the classroom, because no matter how
bright and capable they may appear, they don’t really want to run the show. Because
gifted children have the ability to think analytically, they respond well to choices and
options. They are able to understand reasons when adults take the time to explain.
The gifted child can’t help being gifted any more than the hearing impaired child can
help needing hearing aides. The gifted child’s mind works differently just as the hearing
impaired ears hear differently. Their mind is often out of synch with their bodies.
Accept the gifted child as they are, nurturing their uniqueness, yet at the same time
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modifying their behaviors that sometimes result in their being ostracized or criticized by
their peers and by adults.
Parents are their child’s first mirrors. If what they see there is not unconditional love,
joy, and acceptance, but instead disappointment, frustration and anger, it can lead them to
believe that they are not important or worthwhile.
Are you an accepting parent? How well do you:
 Listen to your child
 Support the child’s interests
 Praise your child appropriately.
 Avoid “put-downs.”
 Respect the child’s intelligence without being in awe of it.
 Help the child develop social skills.laugh with your child.
Are you an accepting teacher? How well do you:
 Treat your gifted students with the same respect you give other learners.
 Substitute meaningful lessons for rote learning.
 Understand that you may have to use different criteria to grade a gifted
child’s work.
 Understand that a gifted child probably will not excel in every subject.
 Make time for discussions.
 Remain patient when gifted children ask questions, challenge your
answers, talk too much.
Gifted students’ favorite teachers:
 Empower them.
 Encourage them to take risks.
 Allow them to fail without calling them failures.
 Respect them, both as unique individuals and as members of the class.
Many gifted children are perfectionists with little tolerance for their own human errors.
Common emotional issues gifted children face are:
 perfectionism
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 depression
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 stress
friendships
self-esteem
Limits imposed in consistent discipline create the boundaries that give children a sense of
predictability, a feeling that the world is a comprehensible place, and the opportunity to
experience freedom within these limits.
We are familiar with the saying, “Do as I say, not as I do,” but this does not work when
teaching our children. Whether or not they obey our orders, deep down they are
responding less to our commands than to their perception of our character and conduct.
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If you don’t model it, don’t expect to se it. Consistent modeling helps bring about
consistent behavior.
Rearing or teaching a gifted child, the goal should be to encourage, not deflate, the
child’s enthusiasm, curiosity and originality. Positive words encourage positive thoughts
in both the speaker and the listener.
Reasons for stress:
 Expectations that are too
high
 A concern for the world
 Overly intense parents
 “Lack of fit”
 Boredom
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Needless rigidity at home
or in the classroom
Loneliness
Disconnected parents
Too many activities
What can you do to help?
 Encourage the child to relax.
 Give the child outlets for his feelings of altruism.
 Do not over-emphasize conversations about scholastic achievement.
 Monitor the child’s activities.
 Help your child overcome lack of fit.
Some myths about gifted children include:
 Gifted children must be kept with their age mates.
 Gifted education is elitist.
 Gifted classes put too much pressure on children.
 Emphasize what the child does well.
Depression in gifted children often arises out of perfectionism. Depression is anger
turned inward. Depression is not for people who are weak not do they choose to be
depressed. Don’t try to reason a depressed child out of her depression. It is not
reasonable, and reminding a child of why they should be happy will only make it worse.
Perfectionism goes beyond excellence; it leaves no room for error. The outcome must be
the best. Perfectionism is one of the most pervasive traits of gifted children. If he
repeatedly fails to measure up to his self-imposed standards, he may simply stop trying.
To help these children some suggestions that might increase their odds of performing
successfully are:
 Maintaining good health habits.
 Practicing time management.
 Setting goals and priorities.
Finding friends is a big issue for gifted students. When they learn that they must be
respectful of everyone, not just persons with high ability, it helps transform their
bossiness into leadership.
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Authentic self-esteem results from being accepted for who you are. It comes from being
valued, cared for, and understood. It comes with mastering challenges and using one’s
talents to the fullest. Parents are the primary source of unconditional love, acceptance,
and appropriate discipline—all of which feed and nourish the child’s self-esteem.
“Bibliotherapy”—the use of books—to help children understand and solve problems
helps children recognize their emotions and deal with them. It allows children to feel
safe while they explore the emotions that trouble them. When they identify with the
characters in a book, they can examine and recognize their own concerns and
puzzlements. It is a two-person activity. The child needs to discuss the book with an
accepting adult who knows how to ask open-ended questions, listen carefully to the
answers, and keep the conversation moving.
Parents and teachers should try to put up a united front for the child. If either parent or
teacher requests a conference, here are some suggestions to make it more effective:
 Listen first.
 Make eye contact.
 Wait before you respond.
 Paraphrase.
 Stress “we” not “you”
 Be sure to thank one another for taking the time to meet.
 Keep an open mind.
 Write a note of thanks to the teacher that summarizes the key points of
your discussion and the decisions or agreements that were made.
 Understand that you will probably need more conferences.
Ten things parents wish teachers knew:
 I appreciate that you recognize that my child doesn’t need more of the
same.
 I like it when you recognize that being gifted is only part of what (and
who) my child is.
 I’m glad when you understand that my child will not excel in every area
and you don’t put pressure on her to measure up to unrealistic
expectations.
 It makes me happy when you trust my child.
 It’s satisfying when you communicate with me.
 I feel important when you treat me like a partner.
 I appreciate that you don’t discuss my child with other parents.
 I’m not happy when you make assumptions about my parenting style.
 I’m frustrated when you automatically resist curriculum acceleration for
my child based on her physical size, age, or other considerations that have
nothing to do with her scholastic ability.
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Ten things teachers wish parents knew:
1. I appreciate it when you don’t try to schedule a conference during
the first two weeks of the school year.
2. I like it when you show respect for me in front of your child.
3. I’m grateful when you get your information first hand, not from
other parents.
4. I can feel more confident in my ability to work together when I
know you will keep our conversations private.
5. I appreciate that you understand that I have many children in my
classroom.
6. I’m happy when I see you participating in school life.
7. I’m pleased when you respect my private property.
8. It’s wonderful when you provide enrichment for your child at
home.
9. I’m delighted when you treat me as a partner.
10. I’m frustrated and annoyed when you try to dictate how I should
do my job.
Teamwork means listening, seeing the other’s point of view, being respectful and
sensitive toward one another, and expressing appreciation.
Gifted children are deep, emotionally challenging, totally
exhausting, and just wonderful. Enjoy them!
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