The Darwin Awards
Lessons From the Shallow
End of the Gene Pool
Oregon H.F.M.A.
Conference
Matthew M Eschelbach, M.S., D.O., F.A.C.E.P.
Medical Director, Emergency Department
St. Charles Medical Center, Redmond, OR
Matthew M. Eschelbach, D.O.
meschelb@scmc.org
meschelb@stcharleshealthsystem.org
mesch @bendbroadband.com
Thanks to our sponsor !!
Acknowledgement
Trauma Surgeons
Genius
“Education is that which
remains, if one has
forgotten everything one
learned in school.”
Albert Einstein (1879 1955)
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Stupidity
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"Only two things are
infinite, the universe and
human stupidity, and I'm
not sure about the
former."
-Albert Einstein
Warning
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These are true case histories with graphic
pictures intended for a medical audience if
you are squeamish or unaccustomed to
seeing trauma pictures ask your neighbor to
tell you if it is safe to look.
HIPPA will not be violated, many of these
patients self reported their own injuries to
the media and are part of the public domain.
Disclaimer
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These case histories are truly intended to
teach paramedics, EMTs , nurses,
physicians and all those involved in the
Medicine community.
Sometimes true tragedies befall our patients
and we never question, in real time, what we
need to do to save their lives.
Treat all patients with the respect they
deserve.
Disclaimer
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However, sometimes our patients are truly
knuckleheads and put themselves or others
in harms way and at the end of the day we
must sit back and review our treatment
plan, protocols and interventions.
This talk is intended to examine the lighter
side of what we handle on a regular basis.
Through their own fate and luck, or lack
thereof, our patients can teach us, as well
as make us laugh.
Geniuses Among Us
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In 1953 James Watson,
left, and Francis Crick,
right, described the
structure of the DNA
molecule.
"If you really are stupid, I would
call that a disease. The
lower 10 percent who really
have difficulty, even in
elementary school, what's
the cause of it? "A lot of
people would like to say,
'Well, poverty, things like
that.' It probably isn't. So I'd
like to get rid of that, to help
the lower 10 percent."
James Watson, Ph.D
Co-Discoverer of the
DNA Molecule
On the concept of stupidity.
The Darwin Awards honor
those who improve our gene
pool... by removing
themselves from it. These men
and women gave their "all" in an effort
to improve the human species. Of
necessity, the honor is generally
bestowed posthumously.
Famous Last Words I:
“I bet no one's ever done this
before...”
Famous Last Words II
“It seemed like a good
idea at the time.”
Famous Last Words III
“Watch this!”
Darwinism’s Rebirth
Charles Darwin

Darwin, Charles Robert
(1809-1882), British
scientist, who laid the
foundation of modern
evolutionary theory with
his concept of the
development of all forms
of life through the slowworking process of
natural selection.
Charles Darwin
Many people of
his day
misunderstood
Darwin’s theories
Many people
continue to
not understand
In 1831 the HMS
Beagle set forth for
the coast of South
America , on board
was a young
naturalist, Charles
Darwin. Darwin
observed and
collected thousands
of wildlife
specimens Darwin
noted the different
adaptations that
enabled animals to
live in environments
.
HMS Beagle
Darwin’s Observations
Rhea
Darwin’s Observations
Ostrich
Darwin’s Observations
Emu
What Darwin didn’t Know and
Why was it important ?
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Darwin was a true scientist, he spent most of his
life experimenting and trying to prove his
theories.
Much of what he proposed was based on
observation and theory only later did other
scientist’s observations help to fortify his work.
He only published his work when the threat of
others beating him to the punch became
eminent.
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Continental
drift, proposed
in 1912 and
confirmed in
the 1960s,
shows how
descendants of
a common
ancestor were
separated when
landmasses
moved.
What Darwin Didn't
Know
Pangea
What Darwin Didn’t Know
Gregor Mendel 1822-1884
What Darwin
Didn’t Know
Natural
Selection
Natural Selection
A species must show variation.
 Variations must be inheritable.
 Not all individuals survive to
reproduce.
( Nor do we want them to)
 Some individuals cope with selective
pressures better than others.

Natural Selection
Peppered Moth in Natural Setting
What’s in Your Genes?
Mr. Xishun, 56, an astonishing 7ft 11 inches
Mr Pingping, 19 is a mere 2.ft , 3 inches high.
Natural Selection is not
Evolution
Axiom
noun,
Generally accepted truth :
a statement or idea that
people accept as selfevidently true.
Axiom Number 1
Bad luck is not
Darwinism!!
You can be stupid but
unlucky!!
Axiom Number 2
Long life does not
guarantee wisdom.
You can be old and
stupid!
Driving While Intoxicated
knows no age limit.
Do not disrespect the
elderly, they may be
smarter than you !!
Axiom Number 3
Hair color does effect
your I.Q.
Axiom Number 4
Women are smarter than
men!
Axiom Number 5
Stupidity knows no
nationality, it is the
same in any language.
(gene pool)
Lifeguard Is
Now
Off Duty
 All
people
improve the
gene pool,
some by birth,
some by their
demise.A. Chamberlain
Rules and Eligibility
(True Darwin Awards )
www.darwinawards.com
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The candidate must be eliminated from the
gene pool.
The candidate must show an outstanding
misapplication of common sense.
The event must be verified.
The candidate must be capable of sound
judgment.
The candidate must be the cause of his own
demise.
Rules and Eligibility
Dr. Eschelbach’s Awards
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The candidate does not have to be
eliminated from the gene pool but must
make the medical system strain their minds
to prevent them from doing so.
We in the E.D.must learn from their
stupidity.
Sound Emergency Medicine response must
help them prevent their own demise.
When will people Stop being so
stupid ??
Dr Eschelbach’s List of
Common Denominators for Darwinism
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AlcoholDrugsSnakesFirearms-or Fire
Exploding things/ Fire
Cars, trucks, motorcycles or any
moving thing with wheels
Males
History of Incarceration
Case Presentations
Darwin Awards
and the Winner is…
Darwinism
Is it in Your Genes???
The End