Unit 5
Improving Your Writing
Chapter 21
Revising for Consistency
and Parallelism
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Consistent Tense
Consistency of tense means using the same verb tense
throughout a sentence or an entire paragraph.
Do not shift from one verb tense to another— e.g., from
present to past or from past to present—unless you really
mean to indicate different times.
Inconsistent tense: We stroll down Bourbon Street
the jazz bands began to play.
as
Consistent tense: We strolled down Bourbon Street as the jazz
bands began to play.
Consistent tense: We stroll down Bourbon Street as the jazz
bands begin to play.
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Consistency of Number
Consistency of number means avoiding confusing shifts from
singular to plural or from plural to singular within a sentence or
paragraph.
Choose either singular or plural; then be consistent.
Inconsistent number: The wise jogger chooses their running
shoes with care.
Consistent number: The wise jogger chooses his or her
running shoes with care.
Consistent number: Wise joggers choose their running shoes
with care.
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Consistency of Person
Consistency of person means using the same person, or
indefinite pronoun form, throughout a sentence or paragraph.
First person: The most personal and informal in written
work: (singular) I, (plural) we
Second person: Speaks directly to the reader: (singular and
plural) you
Third person: The most formal and most frequently used in
college writing: (singular) he, she, it, one, a person, an
individual, a student, and so on; (plural) they, people,
individuals, students, and so on
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Consistency of Person
Avoid confusing shifts from one person to another.
Choose one, and then
be consistent.
Inconsistent person: A player collects $200 when
you pass “Go.”
Consistent person: A player collects $200 when he
or she passes “Go.”
Consistent person: You collect $200 when you pass
“Go.”
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Inconsistencies of Person and Number
Inconsistencies of person and number can occur together:
Inconsistent person and number:
Whether one enjoys or resents commercials, we are
bombarded with them every hour of the day.
Consistent person and number: Whether we enjoy or resent
commercials, we are bombarded with them every hour of the
day.
Consistent person and number: Whether one enjoys or
resents commercials, he or she (or one) is bombarded with
them every hour of the day.
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Parallelism
Parallelism, or parallel structure, is an
effective way to add smoothness and
power to your writing.
Parallelism is a balance of two or more
similar words, phrases, or clauses.
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Sentences 2, 4, and 6 below use parallelism to express
parallel ideas. Explain why this is so.
1. She likes dancing, swimming, and to box.
2. She likes dancing, swimming, and boxing.
3. The cable runs across the roof; the north wall is where it
runs down.
4. The cable runs across the roof and down the north wall.
5. He admires people with strong convictions and who think
for themselves.
6. He admires people who have strong convictions and who
think for themselves.
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EXPLORING ONLINE
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/
consistency.htm
Review consistency with examples,“repairs,” and
self tests
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Chapter 22
Revising for Sentence Variety
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Good writers pay attention to sentence variety.
They notice how sentences work together within
a paragraph.
They seek a mix of different sentence lengths and
types.
Experienced writers have a variety of sentence
patterns from which to choose.
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Mix Long and Short Sentences
Note the powerful effect of short sentences used between longer ones:
(1) Biting into a tabasco pepper is like aiming a flame-thrower at your
parted lips. (2) There might be little reaction at first, but then the burn
starts to grow. (3) A few seconds later the chili mush in your mouth
reaches critical mass and your palate prepares for liftoff. (4) The message
spreads. (5) The sweat glands open, your eyes stream, your nose runs,
your stomach warms up, your heart accelerates, and your lungs breathe
faster. (6) All this is normal. (7) But bite off more than your body can take,
and you will be left coughing, sneezing, and spitting. (8) Tears stripe your
cheeks, and your mouth belches like a dragon celebrating its return to life.
(9) Eater beware!
—Jeremy MacClancy, Consuming Culture: Why You Eat What You Eat
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Use a Question, a Command, or an Exclamation
The most commonly used sentence is the
declarative sentence, which is a statement.
An occasional carefully placed question,
command, or exclamation is an
effective way to achieve sentence variety.
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The Question
A rhetorical question used as a topic sentence can
provide a colorful change from the usual
declarative sentences:
 Is America really the best-fed nation in the
world?
 What is courage?
 Why do more young people take drugs today
than ever before?
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The Command and the Exclamation
This paragraph begins and ends with commands, or imperative sentences,
and includes exclamation paragraphs.
(1) Try to imagine using failure as a description of an animal’s behavior. (2)
Consider a dog barking for fifteen minutes, and someone saying, “He
really isn’t very good at barking, I’d give him a C.” (3) How absurd! (4) It is
impossible for an animal to fail because there is no provision for
evaluating natural behavior. (5) Spiders construct webs, not successful or
unsuccessful webs. (6) Cats hunt mice; if they aren’t successful in one
attempt, they simply go after another. (7) They don’t lie there and whine,
complaining about the one that got away, or have a nervous breakdown
because they failed. (8) Natural behavior simply is! (9) So apply the same
logic to your own behavior and rid yourself of the fear of failure.
—Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, Your Erroneous Zones
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Vary the Beginnings of Sentences
Begin with an Adverb
A comma usually follows an adverb that introduces a
sentence; however, adverbs of time—often, now, always—
do not always require a comma. As a general rule, use a
comma if you want the reader to pause briefly.
Begin with a Prepositional Phrase
A prepositional phrase is a group of words containing a
preposition and its object (a noun or pronoun). To you, in
the evening, and under the old bridge are prepositional
phrases.
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Join Ideas with a Compound Predicate
A sentence with a compound predicate contains more than
one verb, but the subject is not repeated before the second
verb. Such a sentence is really composed
of two simple sentences with the same subject:
The nurse entered.
The nurse quickly closed the door.
The nurse entered and quickly closed the door.
(When sentences 1 and 2 are combined with a compound
predicate in sentence 3, the nurse is the subject of both
entered and closed but is not repeated before the second
verb.)
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Join Ideas with an -ing Modifier
An excellent way to achieve sentence variety is by occasionally
combining two sentences with an -ing modifier.
He peered through the microscope.
He discovered a squiggly creature.
Peering through the microscope, he discovered a squiggly
creature.
(An -ing modifier indicates that two actions are occurring at
the same time. The main idea of the sentence should be
contained in the main clause, not in the –ing modifier: the
discovery of the creature is the main idea, not the fact that
someone peered through a microscope.)
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Join Ideas with a Past Participial Modifier
Some sentences can be joined with a past participial modifier.
A sentence that contains a to be verb and a past participle can
be changed into a past participial modifier:
Judith is trapped in a dead-end job.
Judith decided to enroll at the local community college.
Trapped in a dead-end job, Judith decided to enroll at the local
community college.
(In sentence 3, sentence 1 has been made into a past
participial modifier by dropping the helping verb is and the
subject Judith. The past participle trapped
now introduces the new sentence.)
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Join Ideas with an Appositive
Another way to add variety to your writing is to combine two
choppy sentences with an appositive. An appositive is a word
or group of words that renames or describes a noun or
pronoun:
Carlos is the new wrestling champion.
He is a native of Argentina.
Carlos, a native of Argentina, is the new wrestling champion.
A native of Argentina, Carlos is the new wrestling champion.
(A native of Argentina in sentences 3 and 4 is an appositive. It
renames the noun Carlos. An appositive must be placed
either directly after the word it refers to, as shown in 3, or
directly before it, as shown in 4.)
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Join Ideas with a Relative Clause
A relative clause begins with who, which, or that and describes
a noun or pronoun. It can join two simple sentences in a
longer, more complex sentence:
Jack just won a scholarship from the Arts Council.
He makes wire sculpture.
Jack, who makes wire sculpture, just won a scholarship from
the Arts Council.
(In sentence 3, who makes wire sculpture is a relative clause,
created by replacing the subject he of sentence 2 with the
relative pronoun who. Who now introduces the subordinate
relative clause and connects it to the rest
of the sentence. Note that who directly follows the word it
refers to, Jack.)
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Avoid Misplaced and Confusing Modifiers
Revise your work to avoid misplaced, confusing, or dangling
modifiers.
Perching on a scarecrow in the cornfield, the farmer saw a
large crow.
(Probably the writer did not mean that the farmer was
perching on a scarecrow. Who or what, then, was perching
on a scarecrow in the cornfield? Perching refers to the crow,
but the order of the sentence does not show this. This
misplaced modifier can be corrected by turning the ideas
around, as shown below.)
The farmer saw a large crow perching on a scarecrow in the
cornfield.
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EXPLORING ONLINE
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/
combining_skills.htm
Add sophistication to your writing. Review and
scroll down for interactive, sentence-combining
quizzes.
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Chapter 23
Revising for Language Awareness
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Exact Language: Avoiding Vagueness
Good writers express their ideas as exactly as
possible, choosing specific, concrete, and vivid
words and phrases.
They do not settle for vague terms and confusing
generalities.
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Concise Language: Avoiding Wordiness
Concise writing comes quickly to the point. It
avoids wordiness—unnecessary and repetitious
words that add nothing to the meaning.
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Fresh Language: Avoiding Triteness
Fresh writing uses original and lively words. It
avoids clichés, those tired and trite expressions
that have lost their power from overuse.
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Figurative Language: Similes and Metaphors
One way to add sparkle and exactness to your writing is to use a
simile or metaphor.
A simile is a comparison of two things using the word like or as.
“He was as ugly as a wart.” —Anne Sexton
“The frozen twigs of the huge tulip poplar next to the hill clack in the
cold like tinsnips.” —Annie Dillard
A metaphor is a similar comparison without the word like or as.
“My soul is a dark forest.” —D. H. Lawrence
Love is a virus.
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EXPLORING ONLINE
http://www.ccc.commnet.edu/sensen/part3/six
teen/techniques_using.html
Practice choosing exact language.
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Chapter 24
Putting Your Revision Skills to Work
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Revising
Revising requires that you rethink and rewrite with such
questions as these in mind:
 Can a reader understand and follow my ideas?
 Is my topic sentence or thesis statement clear?
 Does the body of my paragraph or essay fully support the
topic or thesis statement?
 Does my paragraph or essay have unity?
 Does my paragraph or essay have coherence?
 Does my writing conclude, not just leave off?
 Are my verb tenses and pronouns consistent?
 Have I used parallel structure?
 Have I varied the length and type of my sentences?
 Is my language exact, concise, and fresh?
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Revising
Many writers first revise and rewrite with
questions these in mind.
They do not worry about grammar and minor
errors at this stage.
In a separate, final process, they proofread for
spelling and grammatical errors.
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EXPLORING ONLINE
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/
561/01
Guidance for the writer about to revise and
proofread.
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