A Workshop for PhilHealth Region VIII
22 September 2011
Mark Fullmer
writing.markfullmer.com
NOT for grammar
NOT for vocabulary
NOT for pronunciation
NOT for the structure of project proposals
NOT for the format of project proposals
NOT for the content of project proposals
NOT for the titles of project proposals
• The logic of project proposals
• The logic of written communication
(Abstract)
I. Rationale
II. Objectives
III. Methodology
(Impact)
IV. Budget
(Conclusion)
What logical purpose
does the “Rationale”
serve?
A
B
UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE FOR ALL
FILIPINOS – The Aquino Health
Agenda. One problem espoused in
this encompassing health program is
the neglect suffered by Public
Hospitals and health facilities due to
the inadequacy of health budgets.
Specifically the neglect lies in the
lack of support for the needed
upgrades to expand capacity and
improve service quality.
Presently, according to
Administrative Order No. 20100036 from the Office of the
Secretary of Health, a total of
892 rural health units (RHUs)
and 99 government hospitals
have yet to qualify for
PhilHealth accreditation as of
October 2010.
A
B
Since the time that the Health
Sector Reform Agenda was
espoused up to present, it has
always been advocated that one of
the strategy to reform the health
care system of the country is to
expand and sustain the membership
base of PhilHealth. The framers
argued that in doing so would
improve the efficiency with which
health services are financed and
reduce the financial burden…
Current statistics show that
PhilHealth now covers 76% of
the 2010 projected population of
Region 8. Notwithstanding this,
the average NHIP Occupancy
Rate of government hospitals in
Region 8 is only 25%. It is
reasonable to expect that
Philhealth patients should be
near 76% of the total
confinements, not a dismal 25%.
The first paragraph should:
 Immediately identify a problem or lack
 Cite statistics or other authority
The last paragraph should:
 Clearly state a need
 Predict outcome if this need is not met
Cites an authority
Greek word “ethos”, one of
the fundamental
ways to
Universal Health
Care for all Filipinos
Presently, according to
– the Aquino
agenda. One problem
Administrative Order No. 2010persuade
A
espoused in this encompassing
health program is the neglect
sufferedIdentifies
by Public Hospitals
and
a specific
health facilities due to the
problem or lack
inadequacy of health budgets.
Specifically the neglect lies in the
lack of support for the needed
upgrades to expand capacity and
improve service quality.
B
0036 from the Office of the
Secretary of Health, a total of
892 rural health units (RHUs)
and 99 government hospitals
have yet to qualify for
PhilHealth accreditation as of
October 2010.
A
B
Since the time that the Health
Sector Reform Agenda was
espoused up to present, it has
always been advocated that one of
the strategy to reform the health
care system of the country is to
expand and sustain the membership
base of PhilHealth. The framers
argued that in doing so would
improve the efficiency with which
health services are financed and
reduce the financial burden…
Current statistics show that
PhilHealth now covers 76% of
the 2010 projected population of
Region 8. Notwithstanding this,
the average NHIP Occupancy
Rate of government hospitals in
Region 8 is only 25%. It is
reasonable to expect that
PhilHealth patients should be
near 76% of the total
confinements, not a dismal 25%.
“PhilHealth acknowledges the need to
recognize workers who have delivered
excellent performance and exemplary deed
thus, it has come up with PhilHealth’s Program
on Awards and Incentives for Service Excellence
(PRAISE). Such strategy increases motivation
among workers to excel in their job.”
Specific Objectives:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Motivate workers to excel, innovate, and display
exemplary performance
Recognize the superior accomplishments of PhilHealth
employees
Sustain the level of excellence represented by the
PhilHealth Star award
Inspire co-workers to emulate the Stars as role models
Provide a legacy to the existing and future PhilHealth
workers and kin
The specific objectives are:
1. To further motivate workers to excel in their work, conceptualize
innovations as well as exercise good virtues/exemplary behavior in
the performance of their duties, be bestowed due recognition, and
emerge as PhilHealth Star.
2. For the Stars to sustain/be consistent in living up to the
recognition they received and continue to serve as an inspiration
to others
3. For co-workers to feel inspired and emulate the example set by
the Stars as role models
4. To provide a legacy to the existing and future workers of
PhilHealth as well as to the kins of the awardees and serve as an
inspiration even up to the future generation through the
installation of PhilHealth Gallery Stars.
Lacks parallel structure & hides meaning
Specific Objectives:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Motivate workers to excel, innovate, and display
exemplary performance
Recognize the superior accomplishments of PhilHealth
employees
Sustain the level of excellence represented by the
PhilHealth Star award
Inspire co-workers to emulate the Stars as role models
Provide a legacy to the existing and future PhilHealth
workers and kin
The specific objectives are:
1. To further motivate workers to excel in their work, conceptualize
innovations as well as exercise good virtues/exemplary behavior in
the performance of their duties, be bestowed due recognition, and
emerge as PhilHealth Star.
2. For the Stars to sustain/be consistent in living up to the
recognition they received and continue to serve as an inspiration
to others
3. For co-workers to feel inspired and emulate the example set by
the Stars as role models
4. To provide a legacy to the existing and future workers of
PhilHealth as well as to the kins of the awardees and serve as an
inspiration even up to the future generation through the
installation of PhilHealth Gallery Stars.
Objectives overlap and are repetitive
Specific Objectives:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Motivate workers to excel, innovate, and display
exemplary performance
Recognize the superior accomplishments of PhilHealth
employees
Sustain the level of excellence represented by the
PhilHealth Star award
Inspire co-workers to emulate the Stars as role models
Provide a legacy to the existing and future PhilHealth
workers and kin
The specific objectives are:
1. To further motivate workers to excel in their work, conceptualize
innovations as well as exercise good virtues/exemplary behavior in
the performance of their duties, be bestowed due recognition, and
emerge as PhilHealth Star.
2. For the Stars to sustain/be consistent in living up to the
recognition they received and continue to serve as an inspiration
to others
3. For co-workers to feel inspired and emulate the example set by
the Stars as role models
4. To provide a legacy to the existing and future workers of
PhilHealth as well as to the kins of the awardees and serve as an
inspiration even up to the future generation through the
installation of PhilHealth Gallery Stars.
Many phrases are redundant and implied
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Motivate workers to excel, innovate, and display
exemplary performance
Recognize the superior accomplishments of PhilHealth
employees
Sustain the level of excellence represented by the
PhilHealth Star award
Inspire co-workers to emulate the Stars as role models
Provide a legacy to the existing and future PhilHealth
workers and kin
Clarity does not equal vagueness
(Don’t go too far in streamlining information)


NOT that project proposals should be shorter
NOT that project proposals should be less
detailed



Every word in a project proposal should be
meaningful
Remove all empty words
Statistics, data, examples and explanations
should replace those empty words
Which is easier
to understand:
A or B?
A
B
“In the same order, it is also stated
that the General Objective of the
Universal Health Care approach is
to strengthen the National Health
Insurance Program (NHIP) as the
prime mover in improving financial
risk protection, generating
resources to modernize and
sustain health facilities, and
improve the provision of public
health services to achieve the
Millenium Development Goals.”
“The same order aims to
strengthen the National Health
Insurance Program (NHIP) in three
ways: protect consumers from
financial risk, modernize health
facilities, and provide better public
health services. This is part of the
General Objective of Universal
Health Care to achieve the
Millennium Development Goals
(MGDs).”
A
Since the time that the Health
Sector Reform Agenda was
espoused up to present, it has
always been advocated that one of
the strategies to reform the health
care system of the country is to
expand and sustain the
membership base of PhilHealth
since the framers argued that in
doing so would improve the
efficiency with which health
services are financed and reduce
the financial burden of poor
families in getting sick.
B
Since the Health Sector Reform
Agenda’s inception, one strategy
to reform the country’s health
system has been expanding and
sustaining PhilHealth
membership. The framers argued
this would improve health care
financing, especially for poor
families.
Readability
Flesch-Kincaid Reading Ease
Clear  Unclear = 100.0  0.0
Flesch Grade Level
Clear Unclear = 1.0  30.0
A
B
“In the same order, it is also stated that the
General Objective of the Universal Health Care
approach is to strengthen the National Health
Insurance Program (NHIP) as the prime mover
in improving financial risk protection,
generating resources to modernize and
sustain health facilities, and improve the
provision of public health services to achieve
the Millenium Development Goals.”
“The same order aims to strengthen the
National Health Insurance Program (NHIP) in
three ways: protect consumers from financial
risk, modernize health facilities, and provide
better public health services. This is part of the
General Objective of Universal Health Care to
achieve the Millennium Development Goals
(MGDs).”
Total words: 57
Sentences: 1
Passive voice: 100%
Flesch Reading Ease: 0.0
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 27.9
Total Words 48
Sentences: 3
Passive voice: 0%
Flesch Reading Ease: 44.3
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 11.0
A
B
Since the time that the Health Sector Reform Agenda was
espoused up to present, it has always been advocated that
one of the strategies to reform the health care system of
the country is to expand and sustain the membership base
of PhilHealth since the framers argued that in doing so
would improve the efficiency with which health services are
financed and reduce the financial burden of poor families in
getting sick.
Since the Health Sector Reform Agenda’s inception, one
strategy to reform the country’s health system has been
expanding and sustaining PhilHealth membership. The
framers argued this would improve health care financing,
especially for poor families.
Total words: 71
Sentences: 1
Passive voice: 100%
Flesch Reading Ease: 9.2
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 29.8
Total Words 35
Sentences: 2
Passive voice: 0%
Flesch Reading Ease: 39.2
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 12.1
1. One sentence, one idea.
A
B
Since the time that the Health Sector
Reform Agenda was espoused up to
present, it has always been advocated
that one of the strategies to reform the
health care system of the country is to
expand and sustain the membership base
of PhilHealth since the framers argued
that in doing so would improve the
efficiency with which health services are
financed and reduce the financial burden
of poor families in getting sick.
Since the time that the Health Sector
Reform Agenda was espoused up to
present, it has always been advocated that
one of the strategies to reform the health
care system of the country is to expand and
sustain the membership base of
PhilHealth. The framers argued that in
doing so would improve the efficiency with
which health services are financed.
Furthermore, it would reduce the financial
burden of poor families in getting sick.
Total words: 71
Sentences: 1
Passive voice: 100%
Flesch Reading Ease: 9.2
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 29.8
Total Words 35
Sentences: 2
Passive voice: 0%
Flesch Reading Ease: 39.2
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 12.1
2. Avoid passive voice.
The apples were bought by me.
I bought the apples.
The program is overseen by PhilHealth.
PhilHealth oversees the program.
…the way in which costs are financed…
…the cost financing…
Point: avoid empty verbs:
is, was, were, are, have been, etc.
A
Since the time that the Health Sector
Reform Agenda was espoused up to
present, it has always been advocated
that one of the strategies to reform the
health care system of the country is to
expand and sustain the membership base
of PhilHealth since the framers argued
that in doing so would improve the
efficiency with which health services are
financed and reduce the financial burden
of poor families in getting sick.
Total words: 71
Sentences: 1
Passive voice: 100%
Flesch Reading Ease: 9.2
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 29.8
B
Since the framers espoused the Health
Sector Reform agenda….
…they always advocated that…
…would improve financing efficiency…
Total Words 35
Sentences: 2
Passive voice: 0%
Flesch Reading Ease: 39.2
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 12.1
3. Reduce prepositions
To, from, with, by, in, on, at, into, of
11 prepositions!
A
Since the time that the Health Sector
Reform Agenda was espoused up to
present, it has always been advocated
that one of the strategies to reform the
health care system of the country is to
expand and sustain the membership
base of PhilHealth since the framers
argued that in doing so would improve
the efficiency with which health
services are financed and reduce the
financial burden of poor families in
getting sick.
Total words: 71
Sentences: 1
Passive voice: 100%
Flesch Reading Ease: 9.2
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 29.8
B
Since the Health Sector Reform agenda’s
inception….
…one health care reform strategy…
…expanding and sustaining…
…the PhilHealth membership base…
…this would improve…
…the financing efficiency…
…poor families’ financial burden…
Total Words 35
Sentences: 2
Passive voice: 0%
Flesch Reading Ease: 39.2
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 12.1
11 prepositions!
A
Since the time that the Health Sector
Reform Agenda was espoused up to
present, it has always been advocated
that one of the strategies to reform the
health care system of the country is to
expand and sustain the membership
base of PhilHealth since the framers
argued that in doing so would improve
the efficiency with which health
services are financed and reduce the
financial burden of poor families in
getting sick.
Total words: 71
Sentences: 1
Passive voice: 100%
Flesch Reading Ease: 9.2
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 29.8
1 preposition!
B
Since the Health Reform Agenda’s
inception, framers always advocated that
one health care system reform strategy is
to expand and sustain PhilHealth’s
membership base. Doing so would
improve health financing efficiency and
reduce poor families’ financial burden.
Total Words 35
Sentences: 2
Passive voice: 0%
Flesch Reading Ease: 39.2
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 12.1
4. Use root-form verbs
Improvement
Improving
Improve
A
B
“In the same order is also aiming that
the General Objective of the
Universal Health Care approach is for
strengthening the National Health
Insurance Program (NHIP) as the
prime mover in improvement of
financial risk protection, generation
of resources for modernization and
sustainment of health facilities, and
provision of public health services for
achieving the Millenium
Development Goals.”
The same order aims to strengthen
the National Health Insurance
Program (NHIP) in three ways:
protect consumers from financial
risk, modernize health facilities,
and provide better public health
services. This is part of the General
Objective of Universal Health Care
to achieve the Millennium
Development Goals (MGDs).
Task
Topic
Proposal for PAMO
Incentive Scheme
Documentation of
Best Practices
Compose the 1st
paragraph of a
great “Rationale”
Create 4 clear and
convincing
“Objectives”
Group 1
Group 2
Group 3
Group 4
Rationale should…
1. Identify a clear problem or lack
2. Cite statistics or other authority
Objectives should….
1. Be parallel
2. Not be repetitive
3. Not include implied or obvious phrases
4 Steps to Make Proposal Writing Clearer
1. One sentence, one idea
2. Avoid passive voice
3. Reduce prepositions
4. Use root-form verb