Perspective
The human and the spiritual together
Spirituality is an inherent part of our
human journey—not to see spirituality as
“other worldly” or as “escaping” our
humanness
The self and God together, interrelated
My human being with God as a spirituality
for the second half of life
Five Parts
I.
Adulthood and Spirituality
II. Midlife Challenges
III. Ways of Being
IV. Adult Imaging of God
V. The Imago Dei
I. Adulthood and
Spirituality
What does it mean to be an adult?
Two essential hallmarks:
integrity and mutuality
A mature adult is integral
(its own whole).
This whole relates in considered
mutuality to the other.
Integrity and Mutuality
Integrity and considered mutuality always
go together. (If I can be fully me, then the
other can be fully other.)
Integrity and considered mutuality define
what it means to be fully human.
Caution: we all have unfinished pieces and
shortcomings. Integrity and relating in
considered mutuality need not be perfect,
only “good enough.”
A self that is integral
Has grown up, can stand on its own, is selfpossessed.
Can own all of its “pieces,” the good and the
bad, the welcome and the unwelcome.
Has its locus of valuing inside and not with
significant others outside.
Is its own cohesive, felt-from-within, selfauthoring whole.
What is considered mutuality?
Relating to whomever or whatever is
other in a way that respects that other’s
difference, individuality, and boundaries
Genuine concern for the unique
character, particular history, and special
needs of the other.
So, considered mutuality…
1. finds the unique wholeness of the
other
relates to an unique actual other, “this”
other person, institution, or aspect of the
environment.
two distinctive features of relating:
- includes the culture, context, and
circumstances of the other;
- senses the nature or purpose or spirit of the
other
So, considered mutuality…
2. is love and care for the other
“Becoming accomplished in the mutuality of
love is the indispensable key to becoming
human.”
And what is love? “Love is the thoughtful
and deliberate practice of attending to the
needs, concerns, and well-being of others.”
All of us need this kind of love that flows
from integrity and considered mutuality.
So, considered mutuality…
3. is justice for the other.
Impels us to respond to the other in ways that
are just. Often, this justice is framed in terms
of the rights of the other or of equality under
the law.
But if we are all equal, we are also all quite
unique. Paying attention to the “inner” of the
other is also part of justice. “A great deal of
our integrity relies on how well we can listen
to others.” Empathy and justice go together.
Why talk about being an adult?
If we are mature adults, the human and the
spiritual actually do go together. To be an adult
is to be a spiritual person.
A spirituality grounded in the fullness of the
human is about wholeness and considered
mutuality.
A fully human and fully embodied spirituality is
always about integrity and respect, loving care,
and justice for the other.
Important Characteristics of
Being an Adult
As part of integrity and considered
mutuality, adults have:
1) their own voice
2) empathy for self and other
2) intimacy with the other
4) dialogue with the other
Voice
From our integrity, from the wholeness of our
embodied, experienced selves.
– There are times we need to say (verbally or
symbolically) who we are and what we
attest to.
To have a voice is to have a self, and not to
have a voice is not to be in adult relationship
with the other.
Not to listen to the other’s voice is to withhold
respect, loving care, and justice.
Empathy
Self-empathy is felt integrity, owning all the
“pieces” of the self. To know and feel what we
are feeling lets us be whole.
Empathy for the other—being “in the inner
world of the other as if it were my own”
At the heart of integrity and of considered
mutuality
Makes intimacy possible
Intimacy
Welcoming the feeling and depth of the other
into the feeling and depth of the self
Without it, and the empathy that goes with it,
we cannot know the “inner” of the other.
“Crucial to a mature sense of mutuality is an
appreciation of the wholeness of the other
person, with a special awareness of the
other’s subjective experience.”
(Judith Jordan)
Dialogue
Happens when voice, empathy, and intimacy
come together
Wholeness of the self engaging the
wholeness of the other, in respect, loving
care, and justice.
Without knowing the “inner” of the other:
– change and transformation do not occur, and
– integrity and considered mutuality of both parties
is compromised.
Adults dialogue (voice, empathy, intimacy).
Examples in Adult Religion
Adult prayer
– Is there a way of praying that is adult?
Adult church
– Is there a way of being church that
honors and fosters a community of
adults?
Adult Prayer?
Allowing my whole embodied voice, coming
from my feeling and the “inner” of myself, to
be in conversation with the living God.
Listening for God’s voice to touch me in my
feeling and depth, my “inner.”
Allowing the empathy of the living God to
dwell within the “inner” of my self.
Prayer as a dialogue of voice, of mutual
empathy, and of intimacy.
Adult Church?
A “place” where one can have a voice that is
able to speak and be listened to
A “place” of mutual empathy and shared
pastoral care
A “place” of intimacy, where the feeling and
depth of the self and of the other are able to be
honored
A “place” where dialogue is an official language,
allowing religious experience to be shared and
God’s voice of challenge and transformation to
emerge and be heard
Interlude
Can you talk very briefly (2-3 minutes) with
one or two people around you?
Do the human and the spiritual go together?
Does any part of this understanding of integrity
and considered mutuality make sense for
being an adult and a fully spiritual person?
Do you think voice, empathy, intimacy, and
dialogue go together in adulthood and in an
adult spirituality, religious or not?
II. Midlife Challenges
Midlife
Age thirty-five or forty, and beyond:
A transition (easy or hard), a crisis for some
and a liberation for others.
The major life transition between the first and
second half of life; the midpoint between birth
and death.
Often there is liminality, a “state of
disorientation” as goals, identifications, values,
and sense of self are in flux.
Midlife and Spirituality
“But we cannot live the afternoon of life
according to the programme of life’s morning—
for what was great in the morning will be little in
the evening…” (Jung)
The prizes for the first half of life are for
“achievement,” not for “personality.” (Jung)
“Among all my patients in the second half of
life—that is to say, over thirty five—there has
not been one whose problem in the last resort
was not that of finding a religious outlook on
life.” (Jung)
Four Challenges at Midlife
(and a call to deeper spirituality?)
1. The Body
2. The Dream
3. Evil
4. Death
The Body At Midlife
May not be the “obedient servant” as before
Perhaps less stamina, the eyes less sharp,
libido less strong, bones less dense, fat cells
more autonomous, etc.
Perhaps feeling less attractive
Perhaps we have a major illness or loss or
disability, or perhaps those we are close to
experience these.
The Body At Midlife
Midlife Question:
Can I accept my body as it is now?
Can I be my aging body?
Am I more comfortable in my body now?
Spirituality Question:
How do I embody my spirituality now?
Is there something God is calling me to embody
in my life now?
The Dream At Midlife
As a young adult: what I will be as I become
my own person
Usually about “love and work”
Where is the dream now? Did it bring what I
hoped it would? Could I even live it out?
Am I disillusioned or depressed?
Is family life or marriage changing?
Is work and its meaning changing
The Dream At Midlife
Midlife Question:
Do I have a dream at this point in my life?
If not, is there someone who can help me find it?
Can the dream give me new life and draw me
forward?
Spirituality Question:
Is there something calling me now, perhaps
something important in a way that is new or
different? Is my faith part of the dream?
Evil At Midlife
Evil in the world and the evil in the self are
not so easily ignored now.
In what ways do I need to stand against
violence, hatred, and injustice?
If I made a list of things I can’t stand in
other people, could it be that the list is also
in me?
Can I say: “There but for the grace of God
go I”?
Evil At Midlife
Midlife Question:
Can I accept the reality of evil in the world
(violence and injustice) and in myself
(injustices, vices, or addictions)?
Spirituality Question:
Is there a way for “natural evil to be swallowed
up in supernatural good?”
Death At Midlife
Easily becomes a personal reality:
“I am going to die.”
Death as culmination raises the question:
“What is the meaning of my life?”
If it is my death, if no one can die for me, does
that mean it is my life, no one can live for me?
What goes into my understanding of death
now? Is it loss, transition, annihilation,
culmination, transformation, celebration, or
what?
Death At Midlife
Midlife Question:
Can I accept the reality of death?
What does it mean if I do that?
What does it mean if I don’t?
Spirituality Question:
What meaning can I now make of death and of
the Paschal Mystery (the suffering, death, and
resurrection of Jesus)?
Interlude
Can you talk very briefly (2-3 minutes) with
one or two people around you?
Is (or was) your experience of midlife more
like a transition, more like a crisis, more like
a liberation, or what?
Could coming to terms with the body, the
dream, evil, and death open me to a
spirituality of compassion?
III. Ways of Being
in the
Second Half of Life
Second Half of Life Choices
Many dialectical choices: ways of being
that are very human and very religious
Jesus talked about some of these
choices as ways of being
Three (of a number) of ways of being
Being Fearful vs.
Having Trust and Courage
Being fearful: issues of health, physical harm,
safety, financial concerns, concerns for
family, wars, political unrest, etc.
Jesus talked about fear, and he kept talking
about having trust and courage.
“Trust in God.” “Do not be afraid.”
Being Judgmental vs.
Being Forgiving
Being judgmental: all the things that are not
the way they should be, the ways I have been
violated, disrespected, etc.
Jesus talked about being judgmental and
being forgiving.
“Judge not that you be not judged.”
“Forgive your neighbor, not seven times but
seventy times seven.”
Being Entitled vs.
Being of Service
Being entitled: all the things that should be
mine, all the things I have worked so hard for,
all that I deserve for what I have done, etc.
Jesus talked about being entitled and about
being of service.
“Do not take the first place.”
“I came not to be served but to serve.”
“The last shall be first.”
The washing of the feet at the Last Supper.
Interlude
Can you talk very briefly (2-3 minutes) with one
or two people around you?
Why are being fearful, being judgmental, and
being entitled so seductive in the second half of
life? Is one of these or some other my favorite?
What helps me to go forward with trust,
courage, forgiveness, and in service to others?
IV. Adult Imaging of God
in the
Second Half of Life
Imaging God
Develops as we ourselves develop and
mature
In childhood and adolescence, while our
imaging of reality is still developing, our
imaging of God is usually childlike and
adolescent.
In adulthood, as reasonably whole selves
relating in considered mutuality, our imaging
of God is at least able to be adult as well.
A “Superego God”
The God of childhood and adolescence.
It has parent-like authority and a parentlike voice, and it is very interested in
controlling how we should be and how
we should act.
From the perspective of adulthood—it is
an incomplete God, a God still forming, a
God is which all the “pieces” have not
quite come together.
A “Living God”
The God of adulthood is a God of mutuality.
We we can relate to this integral God out of
our own integrity. A God of transforming
mutuality in an adult relationship with us.
A complete God, a God of adult imaging, a
God fully formed.
Imaging this “Living God” is best described by
the saints and the mystics.
Imaging the “Superego God”
Supreme Being—all-powerful, at a great distance
from us, and yet all-seeing.
God of Law—to obey the law is to be OK with God;
we are guilty when we fail. God loves us when we
are good and punishes us when we are bad.
God of Belief—to have the right belief is to be right
with God.
God of Control—most of the things I really want to
do are not allowed.
God of the Group—church is the “place” where we
worship the Supreme Being, the God of Law, the
God of Belief, and the God of Control.
Imaging the “Living God”
A transformation of the ways we image the
Superego God of childhood and adolescence.
We personally experience rather than know
about this God.
– An experience of salvation rather than its
promise.
– Close and intimate rather than distant.
– Not interested in control but in our growth
and flourishing as whole adults who relate to
creation in considered mutuality.
A “Living God” is…
1. a God as Thou
Transformation of the Supreme Being
An intimate, personal relationship:
“What God asks is a living relationship, an ‛I
am,’ an ‛I am who is,’ an ‛I am with you.’ What
God wants is an answering ‛I am’ too, one
that says, ‛Here I am too. I am with you.’”
(Ann Ulanov)
“You are closer to me than I am to myself.”
(Saint Augustine)
A “Living God” is…
2. a God of Love
Transformation of the God of Law
God of Unconditional Acceptance. Is there
anything that can make God not love us?
God of Conscience and Personal
Responsibility—respecting the “inner.”
In mutual indwelling with us, and we
experience a synergy (or shared energy), an
empowerment in God which makes us even
more our own integral process.
A “Living God” is…
3. a God of Mystery
Transformation of the God of Belief
We dwell in the God of Mystery and the God
of Mystery dwells in us.
“In my childhood, your love was there waiting
for me;
As I grew up, it grew with me;
And now it is like a great chasm whose
depths are past sounding.”
(St. Thérèse of Lisieux)
A “Living God” is…
4. a God of Freedom
Transformation of the God of Control
Struggle for freedom from God is transformed
into a freedom in God.
We surrender to a God who lets us be free,
and our realization of the freedom comes from
the surrendering.
“Love God and do what you will.”
(St. Augustine)
A “Living God” is…
5. a God of Community
Transformation of the God of the Group
Church is the “place” where we celebrate
God as Thou, the God of Love, the God of
Mystery, and the God of Freedom
Deeply enlivening experience; we want to
give back what we receive
Deepens integrity, mutual love, mutual caring,
mutual respect, and justice—all reaching
across boundaries.
Interlude
Can you talk very briefly (2-3 minutes) with
one or two people around you?
Does how we image the “Superego God” as
we are growing up and how we are at least
able to image the “Living God” as adults
make any sense?
Can our experience of the “Living God”
deepen our integrity and considered
mutuality in the second half of life?
V. The Imago Dei
The Imago Dei
How the human and the spiritual
come together
To see the fullness of adulthood and
adult spirituality in the image and
likeness of God
Imago Dei
God is Integrity and
Considered Mutuality
(The Trinity)
God is Love
God is Justice
Imago Dei
God is Empathy
(The Incarnation)
God is Care
God is Forgiveness
Imago Dei
God is Freedom
God is Mystery
God is the Witnessing Community
Imago Dei
God is the Servant
God is a Resurrected Body
God is the Dream
The journey into self is a
journey into God, and the
journey into God is a
journey into self.