Viola Grasso, B.A., M.A.
Lecturer, Continuing Education
Université Laval
Manager, Ambulatory Clinics, Neurosciences & Mental Health
McGill University Health Centre
viola.grasso@muhc.mcgill.ca
Objectives
 Understanding Conflict
 Definition and Principles
 Why it Exists
 Knowledge on Styles and Tendencies
 Communicating with Different people
 Appreciation of Tools helpful in Managing Conflict
 Strategies for Conflict Resolution
 Develop Greater Capacity in Intervening and Dealing:
 With “Difficult” People
 Principles of Negotiation
What is Conflict... For you!
Talking about conflict....
 Draw conflict!
 Write one word that
summarizes conflict!
FIGHT
Definition
Latin : « conflictus »
 Primary Sense : combat, fight, a clash, to come into
opposition;
 Secondary: a state of opposition between ideas,
interests, needs, etc.;

A struggle or contest between people with opposing
needs, ideas, beliefs, values, or goals

A malaise or disagreement (expressed or not)
Components
Actors
Protagonists, antagonists, opponents;
Relationship
Interdependence: Need of the other or its resources. (the
greater the interdependence , the greater the risk of
conflict)
Proximity: The greater the interactions, the greater the risk
of conflict
Issue (X Factor)
Dispute, problem(s), target around which we confront.
Some Principles to Consider

Negative Image!

Perception is Key

Conflict is inevitable therefore Difficult
Conversations are inevitable

Managing Self:

Emotional ! Diplomatic grenades do not exist!

Emotions are Signals

Their intensity is a measure of the importance of the situation
or issue

They allow us to identify our triggers
The importance of the relationship


Intuition versus Strategy…
Why Do Conflicts Exist?
 Lack of meaning and reference;
 Confusion, ambiguity, lack of information and
communication, absence of meetings and exchanges;
 Roles and responsibilities are not clearly defined
(boundaries between positions, tasks, people);
 Organizational changes (culture, values, processes, work
methods, habits) thus:
 Change in comfort level, relationships between people, sense
of belonging, loss of power);
 Unrealistic expectations
Dionne et Miljours, 2001
Why Do Conflicts Exist?
 Favouritism, perceived preferential treatment;
 Disagreements over objectives to be achieved, conflicting
interests for future direction, on the definition of a
problem (s);
 Mergers of institutions, services (differences in values,
cultures, management styles, ways of doing things,
processes, relationships between people, level of influence,
flexibility);
 Evaluation meeting, performance.
Dionne et Miljours, 2001
Most Common
Fundamental conflict:
is a fundamental disagreement on the objectives to be
pursued and the means to achieve it.

Emotional conflict:
is due to relationship problems that arise in particular by feelings of
anger, mistrust, animosity, fear and resentment.
Advantages and Disadvantages
 Constructive:
 Clarification of issues that would otherwise remain latent;
 Stimulates creativity conducive to performance improvement;
 Carrier of change and progress;
 Release for emotions and stress;
 A choice?
 Allows us to understand others’ needs
 Destructive:
 Diverts energy and may promote hostility;
 Polarizes groups and deepens differences;
 Effectiveness and efficiency of work may be affected;
 Relationships are broken;
 Unhealthy work environment (employees unmotivated, disengaged and ill).
Observed Behaviours in Conflict
0%
10%
20%
30%
40%
50%
60%
70%
74%
Passive Resistance
Retention of Infos
69%
68%
Creation of Clans
63%
Systematic Critics
61%
Withdrawal
55%
Demeaning
53%
Critical of Initiatives
48%
Disinformation
Neglect of Info’ Transmission
47%
40%
Obstruction
Verbal Aggression
80%
30%
Three Underlying Themes - (messages)
One cannot not communicate: ! Paul Watzlawick
 Circumstantial:
 Dialogue about a disagreement on what happened, or what should
happen;

Good or bad intention; who is right, who is wrong?

The Story
 Emotional:
 Deliberation on emotions;

Are my emotions acceptable, adequate?

Should I recognize or deny? How do I react?
 Identity:
•
The internal debate to decide what the issues are;
•
Am I competent, responsible; worthy to talk about?
•
What does this say about me, about us?
Marc Cardinal
http://www.cba.org/abc/practicelinkfr/nationalarticles
Who are we Communicating with?
 The Intuitive :




Moves a lot;
Roughly speaking ...;
Outlines generally;
Needs to: understand the why!
 The Pragmatic :
• Precisely, exactly, etc..;
• Feels lost in uncertainty;
• Facts and details;
• Needs to know: what and at what time and, then...etc..
Marc Cardinal
http://www.cba.org/abc/practicelinkfr/nationalarticles
Who are we Communicating with?
 The Introvert :
 He does not like long conversations;
 Go straight to the point;;
 Need to control: get him to decide, let him feel that he is the one who will
make the decision.
 The Extravert:
 He needs you to be energized, likes to be with others;
 He thinks aloud;
 Need to talk: multiply the opportunities for him.
Marc Cardinal
http://www.cba.org/abc/practicelinkfr/nationalarticles
Who are we Communicating with?
 The Rational :
 Look right into the eyes;
 Be consistent in your explanations;
 Go point by point.
Need for logic: set specific deadlines and stick to them!
Marc Cardinal
http://www.cba.org/abc/practicelinkfr/nationalarticles
Listening Profiles
FACTS (THINKERS)
EMOTIONS
(FEELERS)
RELATIONSHIPS
(FEELERS)
RULES (THINKERS)
Facts
Descriptions
Statistics
Data
Proof
Rational
Arguments
Where, when, how
Emotions
Sentiments
Climate
Reactions
Emotional charge
Sensitive to effects
of arguments...
What happens
between people
Harmony
Work Climate
Network
Who is talking with
whom (gossip
Rules
Procedures
Standards
Principles
Ways of doing
doing things...
Laws
Habits
Custom
‘This is the way it
happened..’
Studies show
that...
‘That does not
make sense
‘When?’
‘When do you want
that for?’
‘There were
people everywhere
watching...’
‘I knew this guy..’
‘We had a meeting
and we think...’
‘There was a stop
and he missed it!
‘We must, we
have to..’
‘Usually’
‘We have always
done that19 this
way...
It Starts with You!
 Attitudes and Tendencies:
 authoritative, magical thinking, finding solutions, avoidance
 Manage yourself before managing others;
 Emotions;
 Uncertainty, Ambiguity and Paradoxes:
 Values, Interests, Needs;
 Your culture and that of your organization;
 Informal structures in place.
 Abilities and Competencies;
 Role et Responsibilities:
 What is your level of informal and formal power?
Guérard G. 2008
Conflict Styles
Who are You in Conflict?
Thomas and Kilmann (1974)
The Different Profiles
Competing
(Using Power to resolve a conflict:
Want to win!)
Collaborating
(Understanding other and Using
Communication)
•The strong leader
•The autocrat
•The activist
•The bully
•The democrat
•The relationship builder
•The subversive
•The procrastinator
Avoiding
(Withdrawing from the relationship,
pretending there is no conflict)
Accommodating
(Giving in to avoid conflict)
•The strategist
•The avoider, the shadow
•The good natured
•The doormat
Guérard G. 2008
What is your style?
Competing
 Taking a firm position
 In position of power (role,
rank, expertise, and
capacity of persuasion)
 Useful:
 When the Issue is
Important
 In emergency situations;
 When making unpopular
decisions;
 A method in dealing
with irony and sarcasm
Collaboration
 Meets the needs of all
persons involved
 There is time
 Good faith and trust
 Useful:
 When both the issue and
the relationship are
important
 Gather a range of views to
obtain the best solution
 When the situation is too
important for a simple
compromise
Thomas and Kilmann (1974)
What is your style?





Avoiding
Delegation of controversial
decisions
When accepting default
decisions
Not wanting to hurt anyone
May be appropriate when
victory is impossible
Useful:
 Controversy is trivial
 Someone else is in a
better position to solve
the problem
 Allow others to find a
solution





Accommodating
Compromise is possible
Creates a spirit of
conciliation
Favour the other to the
detriment of your own
benefits
Useful:
When the relationship is
important
Preserve harmony
Thomas and Kilmann (1974)
What is your style?
Compromising: (concession)
 Everyone is willing to
compromise;
 Creates a spirit of
conciliation
 Useful:
 When the cost of conflict
is higher than the cost of
losing ground;
 Opponents are evenly
matched;
 When there is an
imminent deadline.
Thomas and Kilmann (1974)
Some Thoughts...
 Is the style you use appropriate in this situation?
 Are there styles that I use little?
 How important is the issue? (for me and team and for the
other and his team)?
 How important is the relationship? (for me or other)
 How much time and energy do I want (or can I) put into
this situation?
 What do I have to lose if I do not act in this situation?
Guérard (2008)
How do we manage our own emotions?
 Step 1:
Observe your emotions (how you feel, internal
discourse) and how they reveal themselves
(manifestations and signs);
 Step 2:
Identify the triggers of your emotions; (events and
people; historical context, facts and assumptions)
 Step 3:
Identify the causes (issues) of these emotions. (values,
competency, relationship, survival)
Guérard (2008)
An example!
How to say no, without saying no....
You are faced with a loud, extraverted, unhappy parent,
who is complaining about how we have treated her son;
 his marks are below average;
 he has not respected the registration deadline for
admission into the program;
 the emotional charge is high;
 mom accuses you of ‘not doing your job’, for her son is
‘bright and deserves to be in college’;
 she says that your decision ‘does not make sense’ and
you will be ‘responsible for her son’s future’
A Few Strategies!
 Let mom vent;
 Do not interrupt.. Get your emotions under control;
 Do not say no, yes sort of.....restate the other’s comments,
present your point of view and ask for her version or a
reaction to your view;
 Focus on the issue not the person;
 Mimic her style;
 Express how you feel; be specific and stop.
 Explain the reasons by describing the situation again;
 Give mom choices; Specify what you can do and what her
options are
IFUW (2001)
Communication Tips and Strategies
(Active Listening)
 Encourage:
 Tell me more?
 I want to know what you think?
 Clarify:
 When did that happen?
 How did you feel? What did you do?
 Paraphrase:
 So I understand that you wish your opinion to be
heard.
 Repeat what you heard
Shepell-fgi, 2010
Communication Tips and Strategies
(Active Listening)
 Reflect:
 You seem to be upset by the situation.
 You seem to feel strongly about that.
 Summarize:
 It seems that these are important issues.
 What I heard was…
 Validate:
 I am sensitive to your wish to resolve this matter.
 I respect your view, your feelings…
Shepell-fgi, 2010
Nature of Conflicts
Types
Possible Intervention
Perception:
Different representation of the same reality
Needs:
• Dialogue, cropping (rephrase)
• Suggest new reality
• Open Questions
• Facts
Interests
•
•
Share conventions, rules;
Adhesion: a common and shared needs
Beliefs, Priniciples
•
•
•
‘I’
Create Code of Conduct;
Share organizational values
Information
•
•
Manage expectations;
Provide a sense of why and vision
Structural
•
Clarify the interpretation of roles,
responsibilities and tasks;
Coaching
Values
Operating Mode (Ways of working)
•
What Happened?
What are you Feeling?
When
faced
with
an
Emotional
Charge
What is most Difficult for you (right now)?
What can Help you face this?
Empathy
Schreiber (2007)
OBEFA Model (stating your issue)
 Open Statement: I have a problem (issue)
 Behaviour: When you do ‘x’
 Effect: The consequences are ‘y’
 Feelings: This makes me feel ‘z’
 Action: I would like us to resolve this problem
together
(U of T - Dealing with Conflict; 2011)
Strategies when faced with « Attitudes »
 Off topic Conversations:
 Request relevance;
 Stop the conversation and mention that it is irrelevant at this time
 The Negative person, antagonistic, hostile:
 I heard,,, paraphrase
 Ask for their opinion, what would you do?
 Attacks, criticises and argumentative:
 Describe without judgment what the person is doing
 The Absent: Disciplinary
 The Hidden agenda
 Question the relevance of the topic provided;
 Ask what he wants to do with his point;
 Limit airtime
 Thank the person and move on to the next topic
Phases of Conflict :
When do we intervene?
 BEFORE (LATENCY)
Resides in people's perceptions ; potentially frustrating for their
interests;
Tension, dissatisfaction, frustration, problems, disagreements,
mistrust, rumours
 DURING (CRISIS)
Affects emotions ; conflict is deeply felt by individuals;
Attributed malicious intent
Intentions become convictions
Positions crystallize
Hate speech, harassment
 AFTER (OUTBURST)
The conflict occurs and is observed in increased tension, anxiety,
mistrust, aggressive remarks;
Why there is conflict, is not important; What is important is who
will win!
Priniciples of Negotiation
Make an objective assessment of the situation
Stick to objective elements, the FACTS
Limit use of personal examples
One thing at a time (issue not the person)
Move from uncertainty to curiosity
Do what you say you are the example!
Evacuate the emotional aspects
Let the storm pass
Look to the future
Listen to your internal discourse
Priniciples of Negotiation
Be Open to the arguments and visions of the other:
Do not enter into the content and emotions!
Do not interpret as personal attacks (recognize signs of
fear, anger, lack of confidence, inability or feelings of...)
You are in your role, your status
Take the lead, but share information judiciously!
Concentrate on what is happening in your head and in
your heart(what are you thinking , what emotions are you
experiencing?)
Do not dramatize
Slow down, know when to stop!
Control your reactions, put your subjectivity behind you
Take a step back
Traps to avoid!
 Just go with it!!
 Guessing the other, think the other is in bad faith;
 Feel guilty but bet on shared responsibilities;
 Ignoring your Emotions;
 Judgments
 Interpretations
 Generalizations
 Peremptory solutions
Ingredients for a Healthy Environment?
 Policies and procedures of professional conduct (attendance, code of
ethics);
 Establish Strategies, Clarify rules.
 Philosophy:
 Conflict is normal and even useful;
 No judgments;
 Conflicts should be addressed;
 Involvement and collaboration with levels of the organization;
 Teams or people identified crisis management (avoid isolation):
 Crisis or Tactical Team
 Mediation
Thank you