Apology, Forgiveness &
Reconciliation
Susan Daicoff, Professor of Law
Phoenix School of Law
2013
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
apology
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Apology Elements
• Understand & acknowledge impact of my actions on
you
• Say I’m sorry; express remorse & regret for my actions
• Sincere, non-self-focused attitude w/ visible shame
• Without anger or blaming
• Accept responsibility for what happened
• Express that my actions were “wrong”
• Express willingness to change in future & plan for
changing and not repeating
• Express willingness to make restitution
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
forgiveness
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Definitions of Forgiveness
Cohen - “cessation of resentment against
the offender”
Fincham - “a defining feature is the
foreswearing of resentment”
Li-ann - Ex. where victims issued a joint
public statement accepting the offender’s
apology & promising to work together in
the future to “promote mutual
understanding”
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Forgiveness Elements
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Precursors: Express impact of your actions on me
Believe you are sorry
Have you accept all blame for what happened
Ask why you did it & get answers from you
Have faith that something good will come of this
Hear plan to receive material restitution from you
Hear plan for how this won’t happen again
•
•
•
•
•
•
Accept your apology
Express forgiveness & mercy to you
Stop being angry with you
Not lecture you from a moral “hilltop”
See you as a fellow human being
Do more than just listen or hear
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
“encounter”
exchange
core
sequence
process
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Shifts
• Wronged-- shifts from anger to acceptance to
openness. Understands why act was done and has
empathy for wrongdoer
• Wrongdoer -- shifts from defensiveness and shame to
openness, humility, and acceptance of responsibility.
Has empathy for impact of act on wronged
• Mutual underlying, explicit or implicit, recognition:
“We are both human, no one is perfect, we are both
co-members of the human race, we are both human
beings worthy of value and there is some commonality
between us.”
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
reconciliation
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Link to the Comprehensive Law
Movement: Law as a Healing
Profession
Apology-forgivenessreconciliation
sequence
is a route
to healing
In legal disputes &
matters
The movement
offers structures
for the A-F-R
sequence to
occur
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
A vibrant movement in the law
towards law as a healing, positive
force
Therapeutic
jurisprudence
Creative problem
solving
Preventive
law
Holistic justice
Transformative
mediation
Collaborative
law
Mindfulness
Procedural
justice
Restorative
justice
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Problem
solving
courts
Law as a Healing Profession
Lenses:
Holistic
Justice
Therapeutic
Jurisprudence
Traditional/
Religious/Spiritual
Adversarial
Preventive Law
(win/lose – binary) Creative Problem Solving
Procedural Justice
Processes:
mindfulness
Negotiation/Settlement
Problem
Evaluative Mediation
Solving Courts
Arbitration
Collaborative Law
Restorative Justice
Facilitative Mediation
Transformative Mediation
Litigation & other
judicial processes
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Preventive Law
Forgiveness is important at least in:
sanative
Therapeutic
jurisprudence
“recognition”
Transformative
mediation
Restoration of offender
to society
Restorative
justice
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Therapeutic Jurisprudence
• Law, like it or not, has therapeutic &
antitherapeutic consequences on parties,
groups, and systems
• Legal personnel can intentionally seek to
enhance the therapeutic results and minimize
antitherapeutic results of legal rules,
processes, and actors, without trumping legal
rights
• “well being;” mental health
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Transformative Mediation
 Explicit
transformative goal:
to engender “moral
growth” through
increasing parties’:
 “Empowerment”
&
 “Recognition”
 Focus
on improving
parties (not
situation)
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Collaborative Law








Nonlitigative
Independent legal
counsel
Interdisciplinary teams
“Four” way
conferences
Contractual
commitment to w/draw
if go to court
Binding commitments
Neutral experts
Interest-based
bargaining (vs.
position-based)
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RESTORATIVE JUSTICE
CRIMINAL LAW TRANSFORMED:
Victim, Wrongdoer, & Community
Encounter
Conferencing
Apology-forgiveness-reconciliation
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
core
sequence
What is reconciliation?
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Reconciliation literature
No universally agreed-on definition
Agreement between adversaries
Restoring right relations among enemies
Fundamental shift in relations
Desired goal on its own
Possible (but not always) result of apologyforgiveness sequence
Peace
Closure
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A wrong: a rip in the fabric
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features of reconciliation
Interpersonal?
Rebuilding of trust?
Long process?
Voluntary?
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Reconciliation Definitions & Ideas
After apology & forgiveness, reconciliation may or may not
occur.
Reconciliation is present when the apologizer and the
person(s) harmed move away from an adversarial stance of
anger, blame, shame, and resentment towards a mutual
appreciation of each other and perhaps a sort of peace, or
harmony, between them.
In one Singaporean example, Li-ann references reconciliation
as a possible outcome of the apology-forgiveness exchange in
claiming that the “reconciliatory posture” adopted by the
Buddhist and Taoist leaders may promote “empathy and
reconciliation” and is “essential to long-term or durable
peace.”
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Law as a Healing Profession
• Vertical & Horizontal Justice (Yazzie)
• Vertical & Horizontal Harmony (Link)
• Vertical & Horizontal Reconciliation
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Vert & Horiz Harmony
• Notre Dame Law School Dean Emeritus David T.
Link described “vertical harmony” & “horizontal
harmony” as possible outcomes of dispute
resolution processes.
• Horizontal harmony refers to harmony between
disputing parties, between people in a
community, or between a criminal offender and
the relevant community;
• Vertical harmony refers to the offender or
apologizer being reconciled with and to his or her
Creator or God.
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Vertical &
Horizontal
Reconciliation
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The State of the Legal Profession
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(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Solutions & Responses
06
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the future of the legal
profession will likely
include …
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
the
comprehensive law
movement
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
[Shameless book plug]
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Traditional Justice
Competitive
Aggressive
Ambitious
Emphasis on winning (dominance)
Rights-oriented
Logical, analytical
Materialistic, law-as-a-business
Expert, zealous advocate for one client
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Comprehensive Justice
Collaborative
Interdisciplinary
Win/win
Interest-oriented
Focused on emotions,
values, needs, &
relationships
Holistic, right-brained
Sustainable outcomes
Conflict resolver & problem
solver
Adversarial conflict is often
destructive
Equal partner with client
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
A vibrant movement in the law
towards law as a healing, positive
force
Therapeutic
jurisprudence
Creative problem
solving
“TJ/PL”
Holistic justice
Transformative
mediation
Collaborative
law
Preventive
law
Mindfulness
Procedural
justice
Restorative
justice
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Problem
solving
courts
Important Websites
• www.cuttingedgelaw.com
• http://www.courtinnovation.org/
• http://www.law.arizona.edu/dep
ts/upr-intj/
• http://www.collaborativepractice
.com/default.asp
• http://www.transformativemedia
tion.org/
• http://www.restorativejustice.org
/
• http://www.cehd.umn.edu/ssw/r
jp/
• J. Kim Wright’s site
• ProblemSolving Courts
• Therapeutic
Jurisprudence
• Collaborative Law
• Transformative
Mediation
• Restorative Justice (2)
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
common ground of these approaches
or “vectors”
optimize human
wellbeing
”rights plus”
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What does this new way of
resolving legal matters look like?
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lawyers with excellent
empathy and insight
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a collaborative, egalitarian
lawyer-client relationship
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multidisciplinary, collaborative
problem solving
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innovative conflict
resolution models
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no more “one-sizefits-all”
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differentiated legal services
Lawyers
who solve
problems
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Excellent interpersonal awareness
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active listening & empathy
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procedural justice
respect
satisfaction
participa
tion
fairness
voice
compliance
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
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apology
forgiveness
reconciliation
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Concept
consequences
Victim’s Need
Offender’s Apology
To express the impact the O’s actions had on the V’s
life, including expressing the painful emotions caused
in V by the event
To understand and acknowledge the impact the O’s
actions had on the V’s life
apology/remorse
To believe, have faith that the O really is sorry for what To apologize, say I’m sorry, express remorse, regret
he or she did, is remorseful, regrets what happened
that the event happened to the V, in a sincere, nonnot solely for selfish reasons
selfish, non-self-focused manner, with O being visibly
ashamed of what he or she did and not being angry,
which allows V to see O as human – forges bond
between V & O
responsibility
To have all blame shifted entirely off the V and entirely To accept responsibility for what happened, to express
onto the O for the event
awareness that the event was “wrong” and that O did
wrong
forgiveness
To forgive the O, stop being angry with O, stop
To receive V’s forgiveness
lecturing O from hilltop, see the O as a fellow human
being – forges bond between V & O
NOTE: relentless anger at O may be moral indignation,
which may be unacknowledged (projected) shame
understanding
To ask why, to understand more about why this
happened to me
May also include understanding the O as a fellow
human being
positive outcome/
rehabilitation
restitution to v
plan for the future
Explains why the offense was done
May also include understanding the V as a fellow
human being
To have faith that something good can come out of
this event, that the O will improve as a result
To admit that O has a problem and express O’s
willingness to change
To receive material restitution from the O to “make
whole” the loss that arose from the event
To express willingness to make material restitution to
V, outline a plan for it
To know that this will not happen again
To describe his or her plan for changing and not
recidivating
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
How does the “lawyer personality” fit in?
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
THE “LAWYER PERSONALITY”
[Shameless book plug II]
pessimism?
need for achievement;
ambitious under stress
materialism; value
economic bottom-line
competitiveness
drive to achieve
aggressive
under stress
interpersonal
relating style
“Thinking” MBTI
preference over
“Feeling”
“rights” orientation over
ethic of care
dominance
interpersonal insensitivity
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.
Thank you for viewing; read more
at www.susandaicoff.com or reach
me at sdaicoff@phoenixlaw.edu.
Feel free to reuse with attribution
and citation; citations to proper
authority available upon request.
(c) Susan Daicoff, 2013.