Diffusing Aggression
Charlotte Kauffman, M.A., L.C.P.C.
Service Systems Coordinator
Department of Human Services –
Division of Mental Health
Charlotte.kauffman@illinois.gov
217-524-8383
AGGRESSION – BEHAVIORS INTENDED
TO INFLICT HARM
What exactly is aggression?
It’s any behavior that is intended to cause harm.
These behaviors can include physical, mental or
verbal behaviors
Most experts agree that aggression is either hostile
(anger-based) or instrumental (intended to achieve
a goal).
Many people know that if they’re confronted by an aggressive
dog, the best things to do is stand still (as running sparks the
dog’s chase instinct.)
Don’t mess with real or threatening aggression –
GET YOUSELF OUT OF THE SITUATION!
Root Causes:
Issues:
Religious Fervor
Political Extremism
Mental Illness
Criminal Intent
Workplace Issues
Domestic Concerns
Traumatic Experiences
Violence,
Bullying,
Discrimination,
Verbal Abuse,
Harassment,
Militancy
Terrorism
People who create these problems exhibit recognizable
behavior, communication, and other patterns that reveal
They are progressing along an observable aggression
continuum – well before the crisis stage is reached.
COGNITIVE: Intent driven, calm, often missed random shooter
or terrorist
PRIMAL: Red faced, ready to explode
ACT IN CONTROL –
Even if you feel anxious or scared when
faced with the aggressive person, give him/her the
impression that you are controlled yourself.
ADOPT A CALM APPROACH –
The Crisis Prevention Institute recommends approaching the
aggressive person in a calm manner and speaking to him even
if you don’t know him, introduce yourself. Ask them what you
can do to help. maintain a non-judgmental attitude. Let them
talk without interrupting and only speak when he has finished.
Acknowledge how he is feeling.
Use Body Language –
Body language can help to defuse aggressive behavior,
says the National Association of Social Workers. Maintain
eye contact. Let your gaze drop every now and then. Keep
your face relaxed, but don’t smile at the situation. Use
Open body language: don’t cross your arms or gesture as if
you have a weapon. Stand a safe distance from her and
be aware of the nearest possible exit, should you need to
leave quickly.
Work Toward a Solution –
Wait for the aggressive person to calm down. Explain the
Consequences of the aggressive behavior respectfully.
Suggest ways in which the situation may be resolved
without conflict. Give the person more than one option, so
For example, you might say, “Would you like to go for a
walk with me for some fresh air? Or “Would you like me to
contact a friend for you?”
If you see someone becoming angry or frustrated, leave the area
Immediately. One of the best ways to diffuse anger is to simply
back off and give the person some space.
1. Avoid trying to reason with the person if they appear hostile
and upset. Wait until they have cooled down before you expect
any rationale thinking to occur.
2. DO NOT confront them aggressively in return. This will likely
increase their aggression. A calm passive response is best and
will help to diffuse anger.
3. When speaking with an aggressive person, do not be
argumentative. If necessary, agree with them, say you understand
why they’re upset and even apologize for the way they’re
feeling (“I’m so sorry you feel you’ve been treated unfairly”)
This helps to calm the situation because it’s nearly impossible
to continue arguing with someone that’s agreeing with you.
4. Use a low, soft tone of voice when speaking to someone
aggressive.
5. Listen to the person . Many people use aggression as a coping
mechanism , when what they really need to do is talk their
feelings out. Just lending an ear may help them calm down.
6. Be aware of the signs that someone is about to be aggressive.
According to the Center for Aggression Management.
“Aggression behavior can be something as subtle as
scattered and disjointed thinking by an individual who is
normally methodical and pragmatic. This change in behavior
should cause us to engage the person.” Often, by giving the
person attention (saying something like “You seem frazzled, is
is everything ok?) and allowing them to vent, you can diffuse
the tension.
7. Aggressive behavior often starts with what the Center for
Aggression Management calls “hardening” When an individual
moves away from a win/win situation and begins to harden his
position versus your issues, that individual is beginning on a
path of aggression that ultimately could result in violence to you
and those in your care.
8. If aggressive behavior turns threatening (the person has a
weapon, has made threats against your physical safety or seems
Imminently dangerous) call 911 for help.
9. If the situation escalates and you must defend yourself, the best
Thing to do is run away, if you can’t get away and you are being
Attacked, use these 15 tips to defend yourself.
There is a distinct difference between self-defense and fighting.
self-defense is done purely out of necessity, to protect yourself
and because there is no other choice. Fighting, on the other
hand, is a mutual decision by two people to physically fight,
when other avenues to remedy the situation existed, Whereas
self-defense is legal, it is illegal to fight with someone physically
for another purpose.
These tips are to be used purely for defensive reasons only,
However they are not your best option in an attack.
If you find yourself being attacked by a thief, throw the
Object they are after (your purse, wallet, watch, etc.)
This way they’re likely to leave you alone and go after the
material goods.
IF YOU CAN’T GET AWAY:
1. Yell for help. Many attackers will leave if you attract attention, so
Yell “Fire,” “Call 911,” or “Help.” Knock over a trash can or do
anything else you can to make some noise.
2. Don’t punch, as this can break your fingers. Instead use your fist
like a hammer and come down on the attacker’s head or
collarbone. Or, hit with your palm open, using the heel of your
hand.
3. Use anything you can as a weapon. This could be your purse,
pepper spray if you have it, an ashtray, keys (keep one in between
your fingers when you strike), belt buckle, brief case, hairspray,
book, or bottle.
4. Keep your hands in front of your face to protect it.
5. Kick with your shin, or with your foot flat, not with your toes.
6. Use your knee or foot (the botton of your flat foot) to kick the
attacker in the groin.
7. Poke your thumbs into the attacker’s eyes.
8. Use your elbow to hit your attacker in the face, chin, or throat,
which can damage his airway.
9. Strike at the most vulnerable body parts, which are the:
Eyes, nose, knees, groin, ears, throat/neck (front or back)
10. Stomp down on the attacker’s foot with your heel.
11.Keep your mouth close with your teeth clenched to protect your
jaw (as opposed to leaving your mouth open)
12. If you are small make yourself smaller by crouching. Avoid facing
a larger opponent head – on, instead use your size to dodge
punches and use your strongest body parts (your elbows, your legs,
your knees) against the attacker’s weakest areas (face, groin, knees
and throat).
13. Push your thumbs into the hollow of the attacker’s neck (below
the Adam’s apple on men).
14. Use your head as a weapon. To do so, quickly bang your head
against their chin or face (this works well if you’re grabbed from
behind).
15. If necessary, use your teeth and bite your attacker (this could
potentially transmit a disease to you, if the attacker has one, but it’s
worth the risk if it saves your life).
DOCUMENTATION OF AGGRESSION
What to document? Date, day, time, threat made, location, conditions,
injuries or property damage. Collect any evidence.
Interview all witnesses
Avoid delay
Be objective
Organize chronologically
Tell the truth
AGGRESSION AS A PROGRESSIVE CONTIUUM
1.
TRIGGER PHASE – Stress and Anxiety
2.
ESCALATION PHASE – Stress and Anxiety create changes
1. Behavior
2. Body Language
3. Interpersonal Communication
1.
2.
Primal Aggression Continuum – We feel endangered or threatened
either physically or emotionally. An individual is losing control
Cognitive Aggression Continuum – Predator, Victimizer or a Terrorist
Deliberate and conscious
Usually manipulative in nature, to enable the aggressor to achieve and
maintain an advantage over “victims”
Well planned and always insiduious
THE STAGES OF AGGRESSION
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
HARDENING – The Aggressor becomes more distant, argumentative, lacking
understanding and empathy
DEBATE – The Aggressor becomes fixated on his view, competitve and
distrustful
COMMUNICATE WITH ACTIONS VS. WORDS – The Aggressor takes action
without consulting others - the Aggressor appears detached and self
absorbed.
IMAGE DESTRUCTION – TRIANGULATION – The Aggressor demonstrates
deniable punishment behavior, issues become bipolar, he attacks the victim’s
core identities
FORCED LOSS OF FACE – The Aggressor unmasks his victim as an enemy
THREAT STRATEGIES – The Aggressor presents the ultimatum – he aggressively
responds to perceived threats, possibly, on the verge of panic
LIMITED DESTRUCTIVE BLOWS – The Aggressor make declarations and threats,
which are followed by interrupted communication – complete detachment
occurs
WIN/LOSE ATTACK – The Aggressor makes vicious attacks to the enemy’s vital
areas
PLUNGING TOGETHER INTO THE ABYSS – The Aggressor takes self-destructive
action in an attempt to destroy the enemy.
PACING THE AGGRESSOR - “Coming along side “ an aggressor, and
then using the many persuasive Pacing the Aggressor skills
to induce that individual to think your way – while he is
buying into the notion that it was his own idea.
AUTOCRATIC VS. DEMOCRATIC:
DEMOCRATIC: If you are an Aggression Manager and your challenge is to persuade
An aggressor away from an act of aggression, you do not have the luxury of
allowing that aggressor to make up his own mind. He may chose an act of
aggression. You must convince him that your suggestions are in his best interest.
Identify those things that move him and push those buttons to motivate him in your
direction.
1. The art of convincing someone to agree with you, because it is good for them
2. The strategies of Pacing the Aggressor with verbal and nonverbal techniques
3. The effective use of reading body language
BE PREVENTATIVE
- To successfully deploy any strategy or tactic of persuasion
in an aggressive situation, you
Must build TRUST. It is the big umbrella under which you must perform your repertoire
of persuasive skills and talents.
First task – Build a bridge of trust with an individual with whom it would appear, at first
glance you have nothing in common
The more trust you develop, the less of a threat you are.
Things we have in common:
We seek connection with others.
We’re saddened by loss and try to avoid it.
We don’t like rejection.
We like recognition and attention.
We will do more to avoid pain than we will to seek pleasure.
We dislike ridicule and embarrassment.
We care what others think of us.
We seek a degree of control over our lives.
We need a degree of dignity.
BE NEUTRAL MAINTAIN NEUTRALITY –
NON-PLUS: Do not add to the emotionality of the situation
LEAST POSSIBLE APPLAUSE – Like Training Dolphins
BE AN AGGRESSION MANAGER:
Need Clarity – Write it down
5 Types of Questions: Open, Closed, Probing, Leading, Loaded, Silence
Manage by asking the right KIND of question
Tactics for managing aggression verbally:
Reduced concession - whittle down to a smaller request
Limited offer – Now or never
Reciprocity – I believe your issue is important
Creating Expectation – stick with me
Contrast – good or bad outcome
Continuity – Begin with what they believe
Reducing Isolation
AGGRESSION MANAGEMENT TACTICS CONTINUED:
Move from fear to solutions
Appear to be a friend
Expand on Perspective – Convince him he’s not an aggressor rather than
convince him not to act aggressively
Use words with power: Please, thank you, might and maybe
Assumption of the obvious – “You probably already know”
DO NOT SAY:
“Come Here!”
“You wouldn’t understand”
“Because these are the rules”
“It’s none of your business:
“What do you want me to do about it?”
“Would you calm down!”
“What’s your problem?”
You never
“You always”
“I’m not going to say this again”
“Why won’t you be reasonable”
“Me”
“My”
“I”
“Mine”
Instead –
Respect
Acknowledgement of the aggressor’s feelings
Validate
DO SAY –
“Let me understand”
“Allow me to help”
“Please tell me more”
“Why”
“What”
“When” “Here’s What I Can Do”
COMMUNICATE OPENNESS AND NOT RETALIATION WITH YOUR BODY
7% - WORDS
38% - COMMUNICATION
55% - BODY LANGUAGE
THE ART OF SAFE ESCAPE
POSITIONING
MAKING PARTNERS
CYCLE BREATHING
SPLIT-SECOND PAUSE
ACCELERATED AGGRESSION MANAGEMENT
REMOVING MYSELF AS A TARGET
IDENTIFYING AND MANAGEING THE SEVEN AGGRESSIVE PERSONSONALITIES
SHERMAN TANK
SNIPER
EXPLODER
COMPLAINER
NEGATIVST
CLAM
BULLDOZER
Some materials taken from the book:
“Before Conflict – Preventing Aggressive Behavior”
By John D. Byrnes