Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode
To equip and assist
Christians and their
churches to respond to
conflict biblically
peacemaker.net
Pamphlet:
http://bookstore.peacemaker.net/html/Peacemaking_Pri
nciples_Pamphlet.pdf
Fighting Fair – Conflict Resolution
1. Stuff Happens!
Conflict is part of living in a fallen world
1. A Commitment to live at peace with everyone
1. How to say “I’m sorry”
1. Don’t find fault, Find a remedy;
Anybody can complain
1. When everything else fails
The Slippery Slope of Conflict
Fighting Fair – Conflict Resolution
1. Stuff Happens!
Conflict is part of living in a fallen world
1. A Commitment to live at peace with everyone
1. How to say “I’m sorry”
1. Don’t find fault, Find a remedy;
Anybody can complain
1. When everything else fails
Four
G’s
A commitment to
Biblical Conflict Resolution
1st “G”: Glorify God
1 Corinthians 10:31
2nd “G”: Get the log out of your eye
Matthew 7:1-5
3rd “G”: Gently restore
Galatians 6:1
4th “G”: Go and be reconciled
Matthew 5:23-24
Fighting Fair – Conflict Resolution
1. Stuff Happens!
Conflict is part of living in a fallen world
1. A Commitment to live at peace with everyone
1. How to say “I’m sorry”
1. Don’t find fault, Find a remedy;
Anybody can complain
1. When everything else fails
Fighting Fair – Conflict Resolution
How to say “I’m sorry”:
Asking for and granting forgiveness
SEVEN A’s OF CONFESSION
1. Address everyone involved
(All those whom you affected)
1. Address everyone involved
(All those whom you affected)
2. Avoid if, but, and maybe
(Do not try to excuse your wrongs)
1. Address everyone involved
(All those whom you affected)
2. Avoid if, but, and maybe
(Do not try to excuse your wrongs)
3. Admit specifically
(Both attitudes and actions)
1. Address everyone involved
(All those whom you affected)
2. Avoid if, but, and maybe
(Do not try to excuse your wrongs)
3. Admit specifically
(Both attitudes and actions)
4. Acknowledge the hurt
(Express sorrow for hurting someone)
1. Address everyone involved
(All those whom you affected)
2. Avoid if, but, and maybe
(Do not try to excuse your wrongs)
3. Admit specifically
(Both attitudes and actions)
4. Acknowledge the hurt
(Express sorrow for hurting someone)
5. Accept the consequences
(Such as making restitution)
1. Address everyone involved
(All those whom you affected)
2. Avoid if, but, and maybe
(Do not try to excuse your wrongs)
3. Admit specifically
(Both attitudes and actions)
4. Acknowledge the hurt
(Express sorrow for hurting someone)
5. Accept the consequences
(Such as making restitution)
6. Alter your behavior
(Change your attitudes and actions)
1. Address everyone involved
(All those whom you affected)
2. Avoid if, but, and maybe
(Do not try to excuse your wrongs)
3. Admit specifically
(Both attitudes and actions)
4. Acknowledge the hurt
(Express sorrow for hurting someone)
5. Accept the consequences
(Such as making restitution)
6. Alter your behavior
(Change your attitudes and actions)
7. Ask for forgiveness
Four Promises of Forgiveness
Four Promises of Forgiveness
“I will not dwell on this incident.”
Four Promises of Forgiveness
“I will not dwell on this incident.”
“I will not bring up this incident again
and use it against you.”
Four Promises of Forgiveness
“I will not dwell on this incident.”
“I will not bring up this incident again
and use it against you.”
“I will not talk to others about this incident.”
Four Promises of Forgiveness
“I will not dwell on this incident.”
“I will not bring up this incident again
and use it against you.”
“I will not talk to others about this incident.”
“I will not let this incident stand between us or
hinder our personal relationship.”
GO AND BE RECONCILED
In order for true reconciliation to happen:
GO AND BE RECONCILED
In order for true reconciliation to happen:
Personal Offenses must be addressed and laid to rest
through confession and forgiveness (OWNERSHIP)
GO AND BE RECONCILED
In order for true reconciliation to happen:
Personal Offenses must be addressed and laid to rest
through confession and forgiveness (OWNERSHIP)
The material issues of the conflict must be resolved
by negotiating a mutually satisfactory agreement
(WHERE DO WE GO NOW?)
This week’s message:
Five Stones
on the
Pathway of
Finding
Solutions
1. Don’t be surprised by conflict
John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may
have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But
take heart! I have overcome the world.”
2. Humble yourself before God
and others
Philippians 2:1-4
1If you have any encouragement from being united with
Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship
with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then
make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the
same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing
out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility
consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you
should look not only to your own interests, but also to
the interests of others.
3. Be Bible, Gospel and
Spirit-filled
Colossians 3:12-17
12Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly
loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness,
humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each
other and forgive one another if any of you has a
grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave
you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which
binds them all together in perfect unity. 15Let the peace
of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one
body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
Colossians 3:12-17
16Let the word of Christ dwell among you richly as you
teach and admonish one another with all wisdom
through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit,
singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17And
whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in
the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the
Father through him.
4. Love your “opponent”
Romans 12:9-16
9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is
good. 10Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one
another above yourselves. 11Never be lacking in zeal, but
keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12Be joyful
in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13Share
with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice
hospitality. 14Bless those who persecute you; bless and
do not curse. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn
with those who mourn. 16Live in harmony with one
another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate
with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
5. Do the hard work of
solution seeking
Romans 12:17-21
17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do
what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18If it is possible,
as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Romans 12:17-21
19Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for
God’s wrath, for it is written:
“It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” [Deuteronomy. 32:35]
says the Lord.
20On
the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this,
you will heap burning coals on his head.”
[Prov. 25:21,22]
21Do
not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
PAUSE Principle
for seeking solutions
PAUSE Principle
for seeking solutions
P. repare
A. ffirm Relationships
U. nderstand interests
S. eek creative solutions
E. valuate options objectively
PAUSE Principle
for seeking solutions
P. repare
A. ffirm Relationships
U. nderstand interests
S. eek creative solutions
E. valuate options objectively
PAUSE Principle
for seeking solutions
P. repare
A. ffirm Relationships
U. nderstand interests
S. eek creative solutions
E. valuate options objectively
PAUSE Principle
for seeking solutions
P. repare
A. ffirm Relationships
U. nderstand interests
S. eek creative solutions
E. valuate options objectively
PAUSE Principle
for seeking solutions
P. repare
A. ffirm Relationships
U. nderstand interests
S. eek creative solutions
E. valuate options objectively
PAUSE Principle
for seeking solutions
P. repare
A. ffirm Relationships
U. nderstand interests
S. eek creative solutions
E. valuate options objectively
Gospel Application:
Gospel Application:
Do you need to PAUSE with anyone?