Mean Girls
Kathryn M. Teston
EDUC 746
Liberty University
October 2011
Who was your Mean Girl?
Looking back…
was it in elementary, middle, or
high school?
was she your BFF?
what did her actions cost you?
Lots of Labels – Same Issue
Queen
the one with the power; not above any actions to
maintain power and control
Snob
Brat
Teaser
Alpha Girls
Name-Dropper
Clique Chick
Backstabber
Cyber Frenemy
Cyber Pit Bully
Bully
Gossip
Traitor
Aggressor
A Lesser Role to Play
Middle Bee
afraid to fall out-of-favor with the Queen;
loyal to a fault
Wannabee
Bystander
Sidekick
The Queen’s Focus
Afraid-to-Bee
the brunt of all the Queen’s tactics
Victim
Target
Female Relational Aggression
The bully wears a skirt
and
she is not sweet
Her power
resides in her words,
not her fists
Girl Bullies?
But that’s not lady-like!
That’s the core issue:
from a young age, girls are taught
that it is unacceptable to express anger, to be
loud and boisterous, or to be overly competitive
So
they express their feelings and emotions
more covertly – by exhibiting bullying behaviors
towards other girls – their perceived “competition”
Why does she act so mean?
her actions are rooted in her own fear,
anger, and lack of self-confidence
Profile of an aggressor
Slim and pretty
Right clothes, shoes, and makeup
Cheerleader or prom queen
Invited to all the important parties
Stressed
Unsure of her moral identity
Other girls want to be her; boys want to
date her
Profile of a victim:
Girls do not want their parents to know
about the bullying they are experiencing
because they are ashamed that they have
been singled out and isolated. Girls often
blame themselves for their victimization and
feel helpless with no resources to turn to
because it was a close friend who turned
away.
Historical Context
Throughout time, girls have been taught to be nice
and sweet and to avoid being too assertive.
The Bible records several situations of conflict
between women (Sarah and Hagar;
Euodia and Syntyche)
In the 19h century, it was considered appropriate
and healthy for two girls or women to use terms of
endearment with one another in speaking and
writing.
Demographic Context
Relational aggression is not unique to the United
States. Girls and adults in other countries are
impacted by this phenomenon:
United Kingdom
Australia
India
Canada
Greece
New Zealand
Media Context
How are girls (and women) and their
relationships with each other portrayed in:
Song lyrics and music videos
Children’s and adolescents TV shows
Prime Time TV programs
Reality shows
Technology Context
Anonymity
Cyber Bullying
Three-Way Calling
Social Networking Sites
At what age does a mean girl
become mean?
As early as 3, peaking in the
middle school years, yet
continuing through high
school and into adult years
Short and Long-Term Impact
Both victims and initiators of relational
aggression have a higher incidence of
serious mental health problems such as
depression, loneliness, alienation, emotional
distress, and isolation.
Is it a tension to be managed?
Is an Extreme Makeover,
Mean Girl Edition feasible?
Consider the possibilities:
what if…
Girls were given
A biblical worldview of God
A biblical worldview of others
A biblical worldview of themselves
What if girls were taught
the principles of
metacognition
and its connection to their
actions?
This is not just a Mean Girl
problem, this is
society’s problem
mothers’ and fathers’ problem
the Church’s problem
the schools’ problem
A Paradigm Shift’s
Top Ten
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Teach girls a biblical worldview of God, others,
and themselves
Teach girls how to exercise metacognition by
applying 2 Corinthians 10:3-5; Philippians 4:8
Teach girls the principle in Colossians 3 of putting
off/putting on
Teach girls appropriate and productive
strategies for confrontation and conflict
resolution
Teach girls how to be appropriately assertive and
to take a stand for themselves and what is right
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Become computer savvy with your daughter
and keep communication lines open for
discussion and accountability
Gather a group of girls together and go
through one of the many resources
suggested
Plan inclusive activities for girls to enjoy
being girls – building on the relational bonds
they are made to have
Teach girls how to laugh together and have
fun, enjoying each other’s friendship
Pray for and with the girls – for themselves,
their friends, their realms of influence and
their future relationships.
So where will you become
a change agent for God’s
glory and the benefit of our
emerging generation of
young women?