Chapter 5:
Intimacy: Developing and
Experiencing Affectionate
Bonds
Intimacy Needs
• Intimacy refers to
– The reciprocity of trust between partners
– Emotional closeness
– Levels of self-disclosure between partners
• Both partners are comfortable
• Can openly share their thoughts and
feelings
Intimacy Needs
• Need for affiliation
– Need to have relationships
• Need fulfillment
– Drive for interpersonal relations
– Fulfilling psychological needs
Figure 5.1: The
Many
Contexts of
Intimacy
Psychological Needs
• Intimacy
– Drives us to share our innermost feelings with others
• Social Integration
– Needs that make us want to be part of a group
• Nurture
– Need to care and be cared for
• Assistance
– The need for assistance from others
• Reassurance
– Need to know we are wanted, needed and loved
Intimacy is Multi-contextual
• Immediate Context
– The physical setting in which couples interact
• Personal Context
– Personality traits, attitudes and belief about the
relationship
• Relational Context
– Companionship, trust, level of commitment, needs for
intimacy
• Group Context
– Social network of family, friends, peers, neighbors
• Sociocultural Context
– Norms, beliefs and ideals of the culture and subculture
Emotional Attachment
• Emotional attachment is characterized by feelings
that promote a sense of closeness, bonding, and
connection
• Three parts of Intimacy
– Disclosing things that are personal and private
– Experiencing positive feelings about each other
– Having interpersonal interactions that improve
understandings of each other
Components of Intimacy
1. Conflict Resolution: resolution of
differences of opinion
2. Affection: showing feelings of emotional
closeness
3. Cohesion: commitment to the relationship
4. Sexuality: communicating and fulfilling
sexual needs
Components of Intimacy
1. Identity: not losing individual identity to couple
identity
2. Compatibility: how partners relate to one another
at work and play
3. Expressiveness: sharing personal thoughts,
beliefs, feelings
4. Autonomy: independence and personal space
Types of Intimates
• Intimate
– Capable of experiencing closeness, forming
an emotional attachment to another,
committed to depth in a relationship
• Pseudo-intimate
– Appears to be intimate but lacks depth, never
progress beyond friendship, relationships are
doomed from the outset
Types of Intimates
• Pre-intimates
– Capable of intimacy, but lack the ability to
sustain long-term relationships
• Stereotyped relationships
– Has many casual relationships but these lack
depth and commitment
• Isolates
– Socially withdrawn with no need for close
interpersonal relationships
Figure 5.1:
Erikson’s
Developmental
Stages
Formation of Peer Groups
• Stage One: Pre-Crowd Stage
– Kindergarten through fifth grade
– Same-sex peer groups: cliques
• Stage Two: The Beginning of the Crowd
– Sixth grade beginning of seventh grade
– Shift to crowds of 10 or more members
– Practice interacting with opposite sex
• Stage Three: The Crowd in Transition
– End of 8th grade - beginning of 9th grade
– Smaller cliques are formed
– Pairing off into boy/girl couples
Formation of Peer Groups
• Stage Four: The Fully Developed Crowd
– Made up of opposite-sex cliques
– Socialization into gender role characteristics
• Stage Five: Crowd Disintegration
– Adolescents mature into adulthood
– Become involved in serious intimate
relationships
– Friendships become loosely associated
Adolescent/Young Adult
Psychosocial Development
• Establishing an Identity
– Beginning of individuation
– Development of understanding of themselves
– Clearer sense of values, beliefs, and their
relationship expectations
• Establishing Autonomy
– Establishing a sense of independence
– Taking responsibility for their own actions
Adolescent/Young Adult
Psychosocial Development
• Establishing Intimacy
– Friendships become more significant
– Intimacy experiences differ for males and females
• Females attach more emotional importance
• Females emphasize mutual understanding
• Females discuss problems and activities
• Males emphasize activity and achievement
• Males discuss hobbies and sports more
Adolescent/Young Adult
Psychosocial Development
• Establishing Comfort with Sexuality
– Capacity to have intimate relationships
changes
– Sexual intimacy is now possible
• Early Adulthood
– Referred to as the bridge years
– Deeper intimacy in interpersonal relationships
Figure 5.2: Percentage of
College Students who
have same-group
Friendships
Figure 5.3: Positive
Feelings toward
different Races:
First Year in
College Compared
to Fourth Year in
College
Obstacles to Intimacy
• Barriers to Developing Intimacy
– Family Environment
• Key to individuals capacity to experience intimacy
– Family can be too emotionally close
– Family environment may not encourage intimacy
or emotions
– Past Families and Past Experiences
• Patterns of relational functioning are passed
down from generation to generation
• Intimacy patterns are replicated with spouses,
friends, and significant others
Obstacles to Intimacy
• Barriers to Establishing and Maintaining
Intimacy
• Fear of Intimacy is manifested in many ways
– Fear of failure
– Fear of being vulnerable
– Fear of rejection
– Fear of being smothered in relationship
– Fear of sex
Obstacles to Intimacy
• Fear of Intimacy
– Fear of losing someone we love
– Fear to take a risk
– Fear of accepting responsibility
– Fear of anger or hostility
– Fear of abandonment
– Fear of being found out
Obstacles to Intimacy
• Barriers to Establishing and Maintaining
Intimacy
– Communication
• Crucial to the process of personal sharing
• Familial intimacy is not possible without
effective communication
• Requires personal self disclosure to
promote reciprocal sharing
Table 5.2:
Miller Social
Intimacy Scale
(MSIS)
Table 5.2:
Miller Social
Intimacy Scale
(MSIS)