The Silent Victims:
Understanding the Effects of
Violence on Children for
Child Custody Mediators and
Guardians ad Litem
Diane Zosky, Ph.D., ACSW, LCSW
Illinois State University
What is Domestic Violence
What is Domestic Violence?
Context of domestic violence
 Issue of power and control
 Role of beliefs
 Forms of domestic violence
 Definition used in many PAIPS

Context of Domestic Violence
Must understand the intensity of
emotional relationship
 Context of dependency relationships
 Contexts of investment
 Violence has incredible power for intrapsychic internalization

Issue of Power and Control

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Violence is not about anger
Violence is about power and control
Men who abuse do not lose control when
violent, rather they are very much in control
Violence is not just the ultimate expression of
anger, rather anger is used as mechanism for
power and control
Anger is the means, not an end
The Power of Violence
First act of Violence is pivotal event in
experience of victim
 From that moment forward, this event
remains like an “invisible tatoo” on the
relationship
 Perpetrator may never need to resort to
violence again to maintain control
 Potency of all non-physical forms

Role of Beliefs


Violence is
mechanism to
maintain power and
control and
The foundation of all
is BELIEFS
Violence
Power and Control
Beliefs
Significance of Beliefs
Men who batter are more likely to
subscribe to the belief that violence is
acceptable to “keep your woman in
line”
 25% of variance in violence was
contributed by beliefs that were
approving of violence (Eisikovits,
Edelson, Guttman, & Sela-Amit, 1991)

Forms of Domestic Violence
Physical
 Verbal
 Sexual
 Emotional
 Isolation
 Economic
 Intimidation

Definition used in PAIPS

Gandhi:
– “Any
attempt to impose your will
on another against their wishes”
Power and Control Wheel
Context and Statistics of Child
Witnessing
Prevalence
How Many Children Witness
Parental Domestic Violence?
30% of kids
3.3 Million
Children’s Awareness

One study found that children provide very detailed descriptions
of the violence when parents reported that the children were
unaware of the violence (Jaffe, Wolfe, and Wilson, 1990)

One study reported that 78% of children reported seeing
violence when their parents reported that their children did not
observe the domestic violence event (O’Brien, John, Margolin,
and Erel, 1994)

One study reported that 21% of children called someone for
help during the abuse, 23% of children became physically
involved in the violence trying to stop it, and 52% yelled from
another room for the violence to end (Edleson, Mbilinyi,
Beeman, Hagemeister, 2003)
Comparative Damage
Several studies have compared abused
children and children who have only
witnessed parental violence with
children from healthy environments
 Children who have only witnessed
parental domestic violence appear to
suffer similar negative effects as
children who have been physically
abused

Danger to Children
 Obvious risks for children
– Risk for child abuse
40%-60% of homes with DV
– Risk for unintentional harm
children who witness may try to mediate
Danger to Children

Less obvious risks
– Direct Path
trauma of witnessing violence
Danger to Children

Less Obvious Risks
– Indirect Path - preoccupation of primary
caretakers render them unavailable as
auxiliary ego for developmental tasks
– abused women more likely to be depressed
– 45%-85% of abused women/mothers
diagnosed with PTSD
– In regression analysis of severity of
violence and maternal stress as predictors
of behavioral disorders and social
competence of kids, only maternal stress
remained as predictor
– violence = maternal stress= kids’ problems
Related Issues
Home-life characterized by instability
 Poor problem solving modeling
 Models for aggression
 Gender role modeling

– male = aggressive
– female = passive
What do these kids look like???

Impact on Social/Emotional
Development
Negative Effects
Externalizing Effects
 Internalizing Effects
 Social Competence Effects
 Somatic Symptoms
 Family-Interpersonal Relationship
Effects

Externalizing Effects
Aggression
 Acting out
 Delinquency
 Hyperactivity
 Post-Traumatic Play

Internalizing Effects
Low Self-Esteem
 Depression
 Isolation and Withdrawal
 Guilt
 Sense of Helplessness
 Lack of efficacy
 Lower frustration tolerance

Internalizing Effects
Emotional Constriction
 Anxiety - generalized and specific fears
 Regression in developmental
achievements

Social Competence Effects
Impaired school performance
 Inappropriate social interaction
 Less sensitive with interpersonal
interactions
 Poor social problem solving skills
 Fewer interests, activities

Somatic Symptoms
Nightmares and sleep disturbances
 Bed wetting
 Somatic complaints
 Regression in developmental
achievements

Family, Interpersonal
Relationships
Separation anxiety with Mom
 Mistrust/Anger towards Mom
 Splitting with Dad
 Role reversal, parentification of child
 Inappropriate attempts to mediate
conflict
 Enforced family secrets

So What causes these kids to
react this way????
Developmental (Attachment)
Needs of Children
What Do Kids Need?
 Affirmed as loved, valued individual

Security, stability, consistency
Why do they need this?
Formation of self-identity
 Formation of expectations of other

Neuro-physiological
development

* Bruce Perry’s work on trauma and the
neurobiology of brain development
3 important concepts of neurophysiological development
Development is sequential
 Development is characterized by
“sensitivity” or peak periods of
receptivity for optimal development
 Use-dependent nature of development

Overview of Brain Development
As infants, born with only primitive brain
function from ANS
Followed by rapid brain development from less
to more complex
Brain development is sequential and dependent
on periods of “sensitivity”
Major working unit of brain is neurons, neurons
form into networks, then into systems which
mediate various functions
Levels of Brain Development
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Brain develops from
most primitive areas
to more complex
From autonomic
functions to
purposeful thought
From brainstem, to
midbrain, to limbic,
to cortical
Brainstem Functions:
most primitive functions
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Regulates autonomic
functions for life
sustaining activity
Body temperature
Heart rate
Blood pressure
brainstem
respiration
Midbrain
continues from the brainstem
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Arousal
Sleep
Appetite
Motor regulation
midbrain
Limbic system:
much that makes us human

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Emotional reactivity
Sexual behavior
Attachment
Affiliation
Limbic system
Cortex:
“Our Computer”
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Higher level thought
Concrete thinking
Abstract thinking
cortex
Sequential development
Brainstem, midbrain, limbic system
more primitive areas develop first
 Higher functioning of cortical areas
develop later
 As the higher functions of brain
develop, they modulate, mediate, or
control lower more primitive, reactive
functions of the brain

Higher level cortical functioning
mediates impulsivity of lower areas
 A 2 year old will tantrum and act out
impulses from more primitive brain
 A 12 year old will FEEL like throwing a
tantrum but will over-ride this impulse
with higher level cortical reasoning.

Impulse-mediating capacity
Ratio between excitatory activity of
lower brain and modulating activity of
higher brain
 Increase activity or reactivity of
brainstem, or decrease in moderating
capacity of higher brain =
 Increase impulsivity, aggression,
violence

“So What” of all this
Since brain development is sequential,
 Higher level development will be
impaired if lower level development is
impaired.
 Earliest experiences have
disproportionate importance in
developing mature brain

“How” The brain developments
Undeveloped brain comprised of
undifferentiated neural systems
(translation: It’s a blob)
 Dependent on neurochemical and
neurtrophic factors (cues, chemicals) to
develop

cues are dependent on input from the
senses from child’s total experiences
 Lack of or disruption in cues contribute
to disrupted brain development
2nd principle of brain
development: Sensitivity
Critical periods for specific development
 Brain is sensitive to “organizing
experiences” because it is “primed” for
the neurochemical signals triggered by
the sensory input from the “organizing
experiences”

Child has experience
 Leads to input information through the
senses
 Leads to triggers for neurochemical
activity
 Leads to neuronal development, “brain
development”

Use-dependent neuronal
development

Exposure to repeated experiences are
used to create “shortcuts” for increased
efficiency of brain response
The Miracle of Our Brain
Brain system is designed to sense,
perceive, process, store, and act on
information received from the External
and Internal environments
Survival of the Species
 As
evolved animals, we still are
instinctual
 Humans, due to instinct, are preadapted for :
Survival
Adaptive Nature of Brain
In order to survive:
 brain designed to change in response to
signals
 change permits storage of information
so it can respond to environmental
demand = SURVIVAL

Use-Dependent Neuronal
Change
All experiences are filtered by the
senses
 Sensory signals stimulates processes in
brain that alters brain chemistry and
structure

“State” vs “Trait”
The more “use” of a response, the more
it becomes an indelible template for
automatic response
 What would be a “state” response
memory in adults becomes a “trait” for
children since it becomes incorporated
into brain structuralization

2 ANS Paths for Child
response to Threat

The Hyper-arousal Continuum
– Defensive or Fight/Flight Response

The Dissociative Continuum
– Freeze or Surrender Response
Hyper-arousal Response
Threat perceived, SNS activated
 Instinctual fight or flight response
 Release of stress hormones from the
endocrine system, neurotransmitters
(brain chemicals) in the brain system
 System flooded with cortisol,
norepinephrin
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Increase in heart rate
Increase in BP
Increase respirations
Increase in pupil dilation
Decrease in digestion, release of stored sugar
Increase in muscle tone
Increase in perspiration
Increase in hyper-vigilance
 Increase in “tunnel focus” or tune out
non-critical information

Dissociative Continuum
First response is vocalization, cry
 As threat escalates, freeze response
 Advance to dissociation, or disengage
from external world to internal world

Neuro-chemistry
Still regulated from the PNS and
primitive areas of the brain
 Stimulate activity from dopaminergic
systems and endogenous opioids
 Decrease in heart rate
 Decrease in BP
 Insensitivity to pain

The “So What” of these 2
threat response paths
“The Resilience Myth”
 Children are NOT resilient, they are
ADAPTIVE!!!!
 However, in adapting to threatening
environment for survival, they adopt
maladaptive methods for engaging the
rest of their experiences

Intergenerational Transmission
“God don’t make junk”
 If we don’t invest in our children, the
problem doesn’t go away, it just gets
bigger and continues for the next
generation

Intergenerational
Transmission
What We Know About Batterers
 82% of men convicted of DV were
either abused as children or witnessed
their parents domestic violence
 Low self-esteem
 Inability to regulate affect, self-soothe
 Intense abandonment anxiety
 Boundary diffusion
High correlation with personality
disorders of borderline, narcissistic,
antisocial
 Ambivalence over dependency needs
 Rigid gender roles
 Need for control
 Defenses of minimization and denial

Implications for the Legal and
Judicial System
Types of Cases
Criminal court with domestic battery
charge
 Divorce cases
 Child custody
 Juvenile court

How Parties might present in
Court-Understanding the Context
of Terror
Characteristics to Remember
about Victim/Survivor
High rates of PTSD
 High rates of depression (typically
agitated depression mixed with anxiety)
 Low self-esteem beaten down by
psychological abuse, may have
internalized batterers projections
(process of projective identification)

Presentation of Victim in
Court Room
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Have difficulty presenting evidence for any
number of reasons: cognitive impairments
resulting from abuse, fear, or a conviction
that she will not be believed.
Demonstrate inappropriate affect resulting
from fear, depression, post-traumatic stress
disorder, or other response to abuse.
Be extremely anxious and unfocused in
the presence of the abusive parent.
 Be aggressive or angry when testifying.
 Show signs of distress when listening to
the other parent’s testimony.
 Appear numb, unaffected, or
disinterested.

For any victim, adult or child
 It is important to not “decontexualize”
behavior.
 Behavior that might appear
maladaptive, may indeed be adaptive
when seen from the context

Characteristic to remember about
Perpetrator
Always remember power and control is
the game
 Many behaviors of power and control
difficult to quantify for evidentiary
purposes (economic abuse, verbal,etc)
 Narcissistic, anti-social, qualities
 Beliefs contribute to self-righteousness

Presentation of Perpetrator in
Court room
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Believe or claim that the other parent is
stupid, unsophisticated, or inflexible.
Anger easily.
Behave in an arrogant or superior manner.
Attempt to present as the true victim in the
relationship.
Appear vulnerable or otherwise engender
empathy with the court or with third parties,
masterful manipulators
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Be unwilling to understand another’s
perspective.
Expect the child to meet the parent’s needs.
Advocate or adhere to strict gender roles.
Patronize the other party, counsel, and even
the court.
Attempt to create an alliance with you, be
careful of collusion (don’t drink the Koolaid)
Minimize, deny, blame others for, or excuse
inappropriate behavior.
Use of the Court to continue to
exert Power and Control
The perpetrator may use litigation
abuse to continue contact with his
victim
 To wear her down
 To continue to harass through court
filings

What the Court can do

Excessive filings:
– Order the parent bringing excessive motions to pay
appearances the attorneys fees and costs of the other
parent
– Order the parent who files frivolous motions to
reimburse lost wages and other expenses of the other
parent
– Excuse the at-risk parent from appearing at
hearings or permit the at-risk parent to appear by
telephone
– Order that no court appearances may be scheduled
without your prior approval

Excessive requests for discovery:
– Prohibit any discovery or court appearances that
directly involve the children, like depositions
– Ensure that the at-risk parent has adequate
resources to comply with appropriate discovery
– Control the discovery process by requiring that the
abusive parent show the relevancy of requested
deposition testimony and other potentially
harassing discovery
– Ensure that the abusive parent has no physical
access to the at-risk parent during the discovery
process
– Ensure that the at-risk family members are
adequately protected during the pretrial process
(e.g., private security, to be paid for by the
controlling party, or orders that the abusive parent
not be present during depositions)

Filing motions to change unfavorable orders
– Keep in place any orders you have made that
– unfavorable orders enhance the safety of the at-risk parent
or child
– • Require compliance with your orders unless there
– has been a significant change in circumstances
– • Prohibit contact between the parents, including
– during visitation exchanges
– • Keep all protections in place, including no contact
– with the child, if that term was part of your original
– order, absent strong evidence of change and
– compliance

Multiple requests for continuance:
– Deny requests for excessive or
unnecessary delay

Abuse of the Ex parte process:
– Determine whether the at-risk parent is available
for the hearing and whether adequate notice was
given
– Determine whether a true emergency exists
– Use collateral information to assist you in making
a decision; for example, determine whether any
protection orders have been entered against either
parent
– In post-divorce proceedings, attempt to determine
whether the claims asserted in the ex parte
motion were raised in prior litigation
– Consider the length of time since any prior
custody litigation
– Consider whether prior allegations of abuse have
been raised in prior court proceedings or with
children’s protective services
Court can set tone for
proceedings

Insist that the attorneys treat all parties with
respect. If the abusive parent’s attorney is
allowed to be disrespectful toward the
opposing counsel, the opposing party, or any
witnesses, that behavior serves to empower
the abusive parent and can thereby increase
the safety threat to the at-risk parent.
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Because the at-risk parent may need
additional time to answer questions, insist
that the attorneys give each party adequate
time to respond.
Insist that counsel maintain a respectful
distance from the witness.
Warn the parties and counsel against the use
of sarcastic or other disrespectful remarks or
tone.
Impose sanctions for the continued use of
disrespectful tone, remarks, or tactics.


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Watch out for and intervene to stop any
controlling non-verbal behavior by one parent
toward the other.
If one or both parents are pro se, require all
questions and answers in court to be
funneled through the bench
Inform security that the suspected abusive
parent must be kept a safe distance from the
at-risk parent. This may include escorting the
at-risk parent into and out of the court

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If the parties are pro se, require a bailiff or other
person to be placed between them when they stand
before the bench.
Order the controlling parent to remain in the
courtroom for 15 minutes following a hearing so that
the other party has an opportunity to leave safely.
Design the terms of your order with an eye toward
requiring the parties to have as little contact with
each other as possible.
Order professionally supervised visitation or no
visitation if safe visitation cannot be arranged.
Assessment of Violence
Assessment
Assessment of occurrence of DV
 Assessment of safety/risk
 Assessment of impact on victims

Assessment of Occurrence of
Domestic Violence-Adult
Conflict Tactics Scale-Revised
 Abuse Observation Checklist
 Abuse Observation Checklist-revised
 Clinical interviews:

– First, worst, most recent
– Chronology
– Relational context

Realize whenever taking history or data
from perpetrator of role of
minimization, rationalization, denial,
and blame
Assessment of Occurrence of
Domestic Violence: Children
Children’s Perception of Interparental
Conflict Scale (Grych, Seid, Fincham)
 Exposure to Violence Scale (Singer &
Song)
 Family Worries Scale (GrahamBermann)

Assessment of Safety/Risk
SARA: Spousal Assault Risk Assessment
(Kropp, Hart, Webster, Eaves)
 ODARA: Ontario Domestic Assault Risk
Assessment (Hilton, Harris, Rice)
 Danger Assessment (J. Campbell)

Assessment of Impact on
Children
CBCL Child Behavior Checklist
 Trauma Symptom Checklist for Children
 PTSD scale for the CBCL
 Children’s Impact of Traumatic Events
Scale (used for sexual abuse)

Custody Issues in Cases of
Domestic Violence
U.S. Congress has spoken
Although family law cases are excluded
from federal courts, the US Congress
advised with U.S. Congressional
Resolution No. 172 (passed
unanimously):
 “It is the sense of Congress that, for

purposes of determining child custody,
credible evidence of physical abuse of a

spouse should create a statutory
presumption that it is detrimental to the
child to be placed in the custody of the
abusive spouse.”
National Council of Juvenile and
Family Court Judges
Model Code on Domestic and Family
Violence (1994)
 “In every proceeding where there is at

issue a dispute as to the custody of a
child, a determination by the court that
domestic or family violence has
occurred raises a rebuttable
presumption that it is detrimental to the

Child and not in the best interest of the
child to be placed in sole custody, joint
legal custody, or joint physical custody
with the perpetrator of family violence.”
Yet….???

In 70% of contested custody cases
that involve a history of domestic
violence, the court awarded sole or joint
custody to the abuser (Aiken and
Murphy, 2000)
Court’s Options on Custody

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Do not encourage or require contact between
parties
Supervised visitation/exchange centers
If no center, require exchange in Neutral site
by neutral third party
Start with short daytime visits in public place,
increase with positive evidence
Include provision of no consumption of
substances
Place limits on overnight and only when
evidence of sustained safety
 Require perpetrator to complete PAIP
and substance abuse or parenting
programs as indicated
 Build in review dates for ongoing
monitoring

NEVER, NEVER, EVER, NEVER in a
million years order perpetrator and
victim to joint therapy
 NEVER, NEVER, EVER, NEVER in a
million years be seduced, duped, played
a fool for Parental Alienation Syndrome
especially with DV situations

Parental Alienation Syndrome
Authored by Dr. Richard Gardner
 One parent willfully alienates the
children from the other parent
 Parental alienation OR a parent trying
to protect children
 Not recognized as syndrome by ANY
medical, mental health, or legal
organization.

Court rulings that PAS is invalid
In the Interest of TMW (Florida 1989)
 Wiederholt v. Fischer (Wisconsin 1992)

People v. Loomis (N.T. App. 1997)
 Kumho Tire v. Carmichael, 526 U.S. 137
(1999), Supreme Court ruled must
meet standard from Daubert and Frye

Daubert and Frye Standard
peer review
 publication (self published by Gardner)
 Testability
 rate of error
 general acceptance
 PAS does not pass this test.

Other Related “deflections”
“lip stick on a pig is still a pig”
 Factitious Disorder by Proxy
 Munchausen by Proxy
 Malicious Mother Syndrome

Avoid re-victimization of
Survivors of Domestic Violence

Juvenile Court-Failure to protect
– Ignores the agent of the action
– Ignores the compelling external and internal
reasons why leaving is difficult
– Leaving is a PROCESS, not an event
– Gender bias, men are rarely charged with this
– “iatrogenic” effect, makes matters worse by
disrupting one primary attachment when child
needs this the most

Mutual Violence????
– yes maybe, ….BUT
– 9% of cases were mutual violence (Jaffe &
Austin, 1995)
– “mutual” violence may be acts of self
defense
– Who is primary aggressor?
– Who feels in danger?
Court intervention with
Perpetrators
Enforce accountability by requiring
treatment
 Know the difference between “anger
management” programs and
perpetrator intervention programs
 Violence is not a matter of anger other
than anger is the means to much
deeper, more pernicious means

Perpetrator Abuse Intervention
Program
Theoretical Approach
 Psycho-educational in method, use of
curriculum
 Intentionally NOT therapy
 Largely based on feminist theoretical
approach
 Use methods of cognitive-behavioral
and social learning theory

Priorities/Goals
Victim is considered primary client,
safety of victim is primary
 Cessation of violence is primary goal
 Cessation of patriarchal attitudes/beliefs
is secondary goal
 Adoption of becoming “agents of social
change” is long term goal.

Lead by M/F co-leaders
Male can challenge sexism and
patriarchy and model egalitarian
masculinity
 Female facilitator requires men to relate
in non-violent ways to female who
models independence and assertion
 F/M team models cross-gender
communication of respect, egalitarian

Curriculum

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Strong emphasis on challenging BELIEFS of
patriarchy, power, and control
8 themes with 3 weeks devoted to each theme
Each 3 week approach to theme is designed to move
from awareness, to understanding to action
Use of control logs and other written assignments
with each theme
Designed to have participants engage in selfreflection, self-challenge, and accountability
Control Logs

Each control log takes the format of
identifying:
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
Action
Intent
Belief
Minimization, denial, and blame
Feelings
Impact of Past violence
Commitment to non-controlling alternatives
Themes
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Non-violence
Non-threatening behavior
Respect
Support and trust
Honesty and accountability
Sexual respect
Partnership
Negotiation and fairness
Use of Mediation
Should always be an assessment for
domestic violence
 If present, may consider alternatives to
mediation
 Lack balance of power and capacity for
mutual respect for mediated result
 Potential to re-victimize victim and give
perpetrator access

Approximation: “shuttle
diplomacy and negotiation”
Separate sessions with each party on
separate days
 A security protocol to ensure the safe
arrival and departure of the victim
 A support person to accompany the
abused party to mediation
 Provisions in the mediated agreement
to ensure safety for victim & children

Independent review of any agreement
by legal counsel prior to signing
 If mediation fails, provide an alternative
dispute resolution such as child custody
assessment

Interviewing children
Children May have ambivalent
feelings about abuser/victim
Children may blame self for issue
 Children may still have attachment with
abuser, have ambivalent feelings
 Children, especially male children, may
subscribe to identification with the
aggressor
 Children may be influenced by father’s
devaluation of mother

Abusers may manipulate the children as
means of power and control of partner
 May manipulate children to undermine
her parental authority

Initiating interview

May want to initially approach in less
direct, non-threatening manner due to
family secrets or child’s need to protect
family members
“What is it like in your family/home?”
 “How are disagreements handled in
your home?”

Language Development
Prior to adolescent age, children’s
cognitive development and language is
at a concrete level and lacks abstraction
 Young children have difficulty with time
sequences
 Young children are confused by
negatives
 Say “yes” due to social desirability
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Children understand more words than
they are able to use correctly
 Recall and ability to understand exceeds
ability to communicate
 Children may mix up their pronouns
 Use idiosyncratic words
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Strategies for Interviewing
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Assess child’s language complexity and match
your own
Do not use baby talk
Use simple and short sentences, no
compound sentences
Ask child to define words
Encourage child to tell you if they do not
understand question or don’t know answer
Use active rather than passive voice
 Repeat names rather than pronouns
 Avoid vague, leading, and hypothetical
questions
 Use neutral follow up questions:
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– Tell me more
– What happened next?
– Tell me everything you can remember
Memory and children
Children may have accurate memories
but difficulty in communicating them
 Children memory may lack detail
 Lack memories prior to age 3
 Trauma Memory very different than
routine memory
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How Non-Trauma Memory is
Made
 Information
comes in through senses to
amygdala
 If no threat is read, goes to
hippocampus
 Work of the hippocampus begins
process of “storying memory
 Information goes up to corpus callosum,
ping pongs between right and left
hemisphere
Memory formation with trauma
 Information
comes in through senses
 Amygdala recognizes threat, kicks off
threat response
 Release of cortisol puts hippocampus “to
sleep”
 Memory doesn’t get “storied coherently”
 Is stored in brain, but not knitted
together as coherent whole and in file
for retrieval
Distinguishing between truth and
lie
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Young children have limited capacity to
understand truth and falsehood
By age 3 understand what it means to lie
By age 4 know lie is wrong
Under age 7 can’t define but can answer
hypothetical questions about truth and lie
Between ages of 3-6 can be accurate
reporters if questioning not too complex
Children are highly suggestible
Questioning needs to be neutral
 Non leading
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