Mean Girls
Relational Aggression and our Residential Communities
Learning Objectives
Gain an overview
of female bullying
and relational
aggression
Learn about
popularity and
social capital
Understand how
female bullying
affects young
women
Discuss how female
bullying impacts our
residential
communities
Learn ways to
combat female
bullying
Relational Aggression
“Type of bullying primarily used by pre-adolescent and
adolescent girls to victimize other girls. [It is] a covert
use of relationships as weapons to inflict emotional pain”
(www.teachersandfamilies.com/open/parent/ra1.cfm).
“Relational aggression implies a certain amount of skill
and is more effectively applied as a means to obtain
standing when the relational aggressor is more socially
skilled” (Puckett, Aikens, and Cillessen, 2008).
“…relational aggressors need social understanding, and
that the ability to decode social situations contributes to
an aggressor’s social prowess and power” (Puckett,
Aikens, and Cillessen, 2008).
Understanding Mean Girls
Aggression
Physical
Appearance
Prosocial
Behavior
Sexuality
Perceived
Wealth
Social
Capital
Social SelfEfficacy
Kinds of Popularity
“Good”
“Evil”
Liked, low
aggression
Not necessarily
well-liked, high
aggression
Well-known,
emulated
Well-known,
emulated
Sociometric
popularity, high
prosocial behavior
Perceived
popularity, high
prosocial behavior
“Regina George is an evil
dictator. How do you
overthrow an evil dictator? You
take away her resources. She
would be nothing without her
high-status man-candy,
technically good physique, and
evil band of loyal followers.”
~Janis Ian, Mean Girls
Girls vs. Boys
Socialized Gender Norms
• Girls: taught to be kind, gentle, emotional
• Boys: taught to be physically aggressive,
strong, stoic
Value of Relationships
• Women’s self-esteem is maintained in part by the ability to
sustain intimate relationships with others
• Girls need to feel liked and socially important
• Girls may be willing to maintain a friendship at all costs
Girls vs. Boys
Impact of Biology
• Testosterone vs. Estrogen
• Heightened hormone levels during menstruation
Women’s Inclination to “Tend and Befriend”
• Tending: nurturing activities for the benefit of self and
offspring
• Befriending: creation and maintenance of social
networks
The Queen Bee and Her Court
“We have rules about what we wear.
You can only wear your hair up (like in
a ponytail) once a week. You can’t
wear a tank top two days in a row. You
can only wear jeans on Friday and
that’s also the only time you can wear
sneakers. If you break any of these
rules, you can’t sit with us at lunch.”
Gabrielle, 15
Queen Bee
Sidekick
Banker
Floater
Torn Bystander
Pleaser/Wannabee
Target
The Ways Girls Bully
Verbal Insults
Social
Exclusion
Hostile Body
Language
Cyberbullying
Secret
Divulging
Rumor
Spreading
Using Boys &
Other
Relationships
Alliance
Building
Backstabbing
Using Parents
Ignoring
Physical
Aggression
Why Girls Bully
There are two main underlying causes of
relational aggression:
Increase one’s social
standing
Socially isolate the
victim
Bullying begins early and changes form throughout childhood and
adolescence: girls tend to become increasingly manipulative and
damaging as they age
What is Cyberbullying?
Use of electronic communication to bully others
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•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Instant Messages
Blogs
E-mail
Facebook
Myspace
Text Messages
JuicyCampus.com
Twitter
Almost 60% of cyber victims are female
1/3 of undergraduate students report being
stalked over the internet
How Bullying Affects Our Residential Communities
Friendship/Alliance
Forming
Roommate Conflicts
Inclusion/Exclusion
Culturally Oppressed
Groups
Clique Behavior
Community Climate
Student
Involvement/Leadership
Resident Assistant Job
Performance
Mental Health
Professional Staff
What have you seen in your communities?
What to Look For
Bullies
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•
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Popular or Well-Known
Charismatic
Perceived Wealth
Exclusionary Activities
Superficial Kindness
Jekyll/Hyde Behavior
Moody
What to Look For
Targets
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Secretive
Moody
Missed Classes
Anxiety
Depression
Seclusion and/or Withdraw
Long-term Mental Health Concerns
How to Combat Mean Girls
Understand the
causes of their
bullying
Use their powers
for good
Watch Mean Girls
or Heathers and
have a discussion
Kill ‘em with
kindness
Call them out on
their actions
Refer them to
campus/community
counseling services
Use your student
staff as allies
Create relational
community
standards
Situating their
behavior in a “real
world” or
workplace setting
What have you found to be successful?
Controlling Your Inner Bitch
Five Tips from Rosalind Wiseman:
• Pledge not to gossip
• Change the subject or try to find something positive to say
• Tell your bitchy friend how much you value her but that
she’s “better than this.”
• If someone is bitching about someone else, say “I don’t
know if it’s true, but even if it is true, so what?”
• Ask: What sort of a woman do you want to be? It’s your
choice.
Calling somebody else fat won’t make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn’t make
you any smarter. And ruining Regina George’s life definitely didn’t make me any happier. All
you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.
Cady, Mean Girls
How to Support Targets
Help them
understand their
own behavior
Give them a place
to talk
Help them
understand
aggressors actions
and motivations
Encourage them to
get involved
Talk about what
true friendship
means
Empower them to
confront the
aggressor/situation
Use parents as
partners
Refer to
campus/community
counseling services
It is important to empower the victim to confront their aggressor. If you
confront their aggressor, this may lead to intensified aggression.
Resources
Books
Brizendine, L. (2006).The Female Brain. New York: Broadway.
Evans, N., Forney, D., & Guido-DiBrito, F. (1998). Student Development in College: Theory, Research, and Practice. San
Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
Figes, K. (2007). The Big Fat Bitch Book. London:Virago.
Wiseman, R. (2002). Queen Bees & Wannabes. New York: Three Rivers Press
Articles and Websites
Li, Q. (2007). New bottle but old wine: A research of cyberbullying in schools. Computers in Human Behavior, 23,
1777-1791.
Mayeux, L., & Cillessen, A.H.N. (2008). It’s not just being popular, it’s knowing it too: The role of self perceptions of status
in the associations between peer status and aggression. Social Development, 17, 4, 871-888.
Puckett, M., Aikins, J.W., Cillessen, A.H.N. (2008). Moderators of the association between relational aggression and
perceived popularity. Aggressive Behavior, 34, 563-576.
http://www.treachersandfamilies.com/open/parent/ra1.cfm
Resources
Other recommended resources:
Film
Mean Girls
The Breakfast Club
Heathers
Drop Dead Gorgeous
Websites
Bullying.org -- www.bullying.org
American Association of University Women – www.aauw.org
Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network – www.glsen.org
Riotgrrl.com – www.riotgrrl.com
Stalkingvictims.com – www.stalkingvictims.com