Impact of Family Abduction
National Organization of Forensic
Social Workers
4/16/12
Geoffrey L. Greif, DSW, LCSW-C
School of Social Work
University of Maryland
ggreif@ssw.umaryland.edu
Overview of This Morning’s Talk
Familiarize you with family abduction, the
reasons for it, and its short and long-term
impact on left-behind parent and child
Offer a lens for considering this traumatic
event & other separations & reunifications
Explore clinical issues
Show videos covering family abductions,
one covering 17 years in a family’s life
Purpose of Abduction Work
Social workers are driven by belief in
importance of human connection
Social workers hold belief that family
members need each other and want to be
together when possible
With abduction, something “wrong” has
happened (often includes violence) and
with social justice, we try to “right” wrongs
A Lens: Ambiguous Reunification
Based on Pauline Boss’s work on
ambiguous loss – see her Loss, Trauma,
and Resilience (2006)
Ambiguous Loss – most stressful loss,
defies resolution & creates confusion
about who is in and out of family. With
death there is certainty, not with AL; based
on MIA families, earthquake survivors,
9/11 families
Ambiguous Reunification
With reunification, assumption is that all is
well and people can return to the family –
but much has changed as we will see.
Is this similar to adoption issues of
meeting biological parents, to immigrants
who “bring over” left-behind family
members, custody disputes, and to
OEF/OIF?
Ambiguous Reunification
When parent and child expectations about
recovery do not align
Child goes from being missing physically
and being present psychologically to being
present physically and absent
psychologically. Parent may be missing
psychologically if not ready to deal with
child and changes in child
More likely with long-term abductions
Ambiguous Reunification
Others (family members/media) in social
context may be pressuring to either
confront or avoid issues
(see Greif (In Press). Ambiguous
reunification: A way for social workers to
conceptualize the return of children after
abduction and other separations. Families
in Society.
Family Abduction
Defined as one parent or family member
takes a child in violation of the other
parent’s rights to custody or access (Greif
& Hegar, 1993). Also, defined as a parent
intentionally concealing the whereabouts
of the child to prevent contact with the
other parent. States and countries vary in
their definitions; see Hague Convention.
Recent High Profile Abductions
Jaycee Dugard (stranger aka non-family)
In 2009, Jaycee, abducted when 11, found 18 years later, gave birth to
two daughters by abductor; daughters now lose contact with father
Goldman case in Brazil (family)
In 2009/2010, David Goldman won custody of his son, Sean, who had lived in
Brazil for five years with his mother who died in 2008.
Shawn Hornbeck (stranger)
In 2007, Shawn was found after Bill Ownby was snatched. Scott had been
missing since 2002 when he was 11.
Elizabeth Smart (stranger)
In 2002, was 14; found 9 months later after being taken by a couple.
…and Elizabeth Morgan
Family abduction in the 1980s where Dr.
Morgan sent her daughter to New Zealand
with her parents after fearing her exhusband, Eric Foretich, was sexually
abusing her. She went to prison rather
than reveal whereabouts.
The Context of Divorce in U.S.
About 43% of marriages end in divorce
Of 72 million children in U.S., 49 million
live with both parents
16 m live with single mo., 3.2 m with single
fa. (from married and non-married)
grandparents/others raise the rest
Estimated 61% of divorces from first
marriages have kids under 18
With divorce/separation, there may be:
On-going tension - animosity preseparation can be worse than post
Property disputes
Custody disputes
Money disputes and Legal wrangling
Inability to share parenting
Domestic violence and child abuse
Children’s needs misread or ignored
Context for Abduction: Why Abduct?
Anger from the breakup and inability to agree on
custody set stage
Domestic and international reasons can vary
There are personal and relational issues:
On personal level (within abductor) - unemployed
/under-employed; little to lose; psychological
problems; desire for revenge; does not fit in with
society; and significant support elsewhere
(international cases); personal issues may drive
abduction
The Context for Abduction
On relationship level –belief child is not
happy or is unsafe with other parent (or
step-pt.); domestic violence; attempts to
get help through legal/social service
channels fail; custody attempts fail. Child
“asks” to live with the abducting parent –
interactions with others drive the abduction
(along, perhaps, with previous issues)
Info from Greif & Hegar (1993).
Cultural Differences
Parents return to their home country
Religious differences within U.S.
Parenting belief differences
Differences about how to raise special
needs children
Political/philosophical/lifestyle differences
Abductor
Feels justified in abducting; some remorse
Child gives meaning to life
Changes name, loses everything, builds
life around child, tipping parental-child
boundaries; some establish stable lives
Aftermath, with recovery, may lose contact
but many, after years, keep child
REMEMBER – this is a crime
Video Clip of Abductor
Took child for 11 years
Felt fooled by husband who promised to
reconcile if she signed papers
Saw child going into foster care
Believed system was against her
Worked through Child Find to reconcile
Impact on Left-Behind Parent
Depression, anxiety, loss, mourning, and
resulting feelings of lack of sleep, appetite,
etc. – all varies by length of time missing
Some fear child killed
Fear child will be turned against them
Impact on work/career
Impact on relationships
Can’t go on w/ life but must: double-sword
What are the U.S. numbers?
Finkelhor et al (2002) NISMART II (phone
survey of 16,111 homes):
800,000 kids reported missing each year
12,100 non-family abductions with 115
stereotypical long-term (40% of 115 killed)
56,500 family abductions
Majority of 800,000 are runaway,
thrownaways, missing for other reasons
Finkelhor et al NISMART II
Almost half of family abductions last less
than one week, often only for weekend
21% of family abductions missing more
than one month
44% of children taken are under 6
53% were taken by dads/25% by moms
Boys and girls equally apt to be taken
Family Advocacy Outreach Enews
Fourth Quarter 2011 for U.S.
Missing Children
Sexually Exploited Children
Fam. Abduction 93
Nonfamily Abd
3
Online Enticement 10
Endangered
Victims of pornography 11
runaways
105
Victims of prostitution 11
Lost/injured/othe 3
Other sexual assaults 7
Cases intaked within the Family Advocacy Network of
NCMEC; not all cases are reported to NCMEC
What is the Harm?
(Finkelhor et al NISMART I)
16% of children experience mental harm
4% of children experience physical harm
4% of children experience physical abuse
1% of children experience sex abuse
What Happens to Child
Huge variations but…
1. Child may be wrenched from loving
parent, familiar surroundings, supportive
family members such as grandparents
and siblings, as well as from friends,
school, home, toys, and routines.
2. Child may be told other parent is dead,
unloving, impaired – see videotape
Short-term Consequences
vary by situation and include*:
Nightmares
Fears of doors and windows
Bedwetting (depending on age)
Fears of authority and/or strangers
Anger at abductor and left behind parent
Depression and anxiety
Regression
School difficulties
*general literature (see Greif & Hegar, 1993. Am Jo of Orthopsychiatry) –
refers to both short-term and long-term abductions
Long-term Consequences
vary by situation and include:
Depression and anxiety
Emotional cut-offs from parents
Fantasies about one or both parents’ behaviors
and motives
Guilt for causing the abduction
Fear of marriage and child rearing
Sibling issues
Name issues
(see Greif, 2003 NCMEC sponsored study)
What is related to coping?
abducted for shorter periods of time
with “favored” parent
in stable hiding places
well-treated
naturally resilient
with siblings and other family members
non-traumatic return
leaving a traumatic pre-abduction situation
National Center for Missing and
Exploited Children
NCMEC was established by U.S. Congress
in 1984 after a high profile child
abduction/murder. Funded through
Department of Justice and private
contributions. (www.missingkids.com)
My work with NCMEC
1. National survey of 14 missing children’s
organizations (n=371;Greif & Hegar, 1993)
2. Meeting at NCMEC with adults who were
taken when young by parent (Greif, 2003).
3. Group meeting with siblings of missing
children (Greif & Bowers, 2007)
4. 2008 In-depth interviews with adults taken
when young (Greif, 2010)
A Brief Look at Findings
2003 – Adults who were taken as kids
2007 - Adults whose siblings were taken
2010 – Adults who did not self-identify
were interviewed about their abduction
when young
Dr. Greif
I would like the opportunity to respond to the interview. It
has left me with so much mixed emotion. I feel that my
world got bigger in a way because of my participation in
the study, but I am also at odds with the idea of my
return home being referred to as a reunification. When I
first heard about the study the term reunification meant
nothing to me - it still holds no special meaning. If one
reunites with loved ones, shouldn't that event have some
special meaning, some familiarity? If reunification
means anything, to me it meant being abducted all over
again, only without the hope that things would get
better. At least with the initial abduction I always thought
things would be normal, better again if I could only get
home, there was always at least that hope. Returning
held only mass confusion, but I was the only one
confused, everyone around me just went along with their
lives as if nothing had happened.
Also, the thought of my return being referred to as a
reunification also brings anger and
sadness. The interview has forced me to change how I
perceived things to be when I finally came home. I
should have been met with and felt much happiness, but
that just isn't what really occurred. It's been a lifetime of
minimizing and denial. Home and family were forever
gone, replaced by a mother I no longer knew or
recognized and who didn't know me, a new stepfather,
and a sister who didn't want me around. Once again
living with strangers. I left without any of my
personal possessions and returned without any
possessions. I have never been able to find that sense
of being connected to people or to a home. I've always
felt that I was on the outside looking in, never a part of
any family, never a part of any groups of people of any
sort, left always with the feeling of being different from
everyone else and not being able to fit in.
I guess I felt the need to tell you these things because I
don't know if I was able to answer your questions at the
interview, I was too uncertain of myself, and had no
clear thoughts of my own reunification. But also I had
the sense that I was betraying my family, knowing that
most would see me as a liar or instigator. I really don't
feel that I was able to contribute much to your study and
wish I could feel differently because participating in it
has meant a lot to me. It was a validation that something
bad did happen. When you've had a lifetime of being
told that nothing happened or it's in the past get on with
your life, it becomes very important that someone
understands.
Thank you for the experience.
(signed)
Clinical Issues from NCMEC 2003
Clinical issues should be addressed openly
as deception has characterized their lives.
Normalize their experiences by telling
them they reacted normally to
extraordinary events. Takeroot.org is one
source to read about other people’s
experiences which can help in this process
Clinical Implications
Think about family therapy and broader
family context that spawned abduction
Look for PTSD/Abuse symptoms
Help resolve paradox as to whether they
were victim or victimizer who caused
abduction or hurt abductor after recovery
Speak to identity confusion and fear of
relationships
Issues from NCMEC 2007
Meeting in 2005 as part of service to adults whose
siblings were/are missing [non-family] (Greif &
Bowers, 2007) – similar in some ways to family
Common themes related to impact:
a. Siblings’ loss of trust in parents, police, and
physical environment (home)
b. Change in perception of law enforcement –
many felt ignored and are doing own search
Common Themes Continued
c. Siblings watch how parents responded
and grow up to respond in similar ways
d. Communication in family then and now
e. Media’s role – often characterized the
situation incorrectly though also helped in
search – led to ambivalence
f. Anger/compassion at current cases –
retraumatized by news reports
Common Themes Continued
g. Dysfunctional coping – drugs/alcohol,
sexual acting out, school underachieving
h. Struggle with whether sibling is dead or
alive
i. Spirituality/need to find meaning as
coping mechanism
j. Impact on next generation with separation
anxiety from own children/hypervigilance
Clinical Implications for Siblings
Establish Trust by being knowledgeable
and understanding – give feeling client is
being taken care of
Help them understand parents’ reactions
and give them permission to be angry at
parents; most understand cognitively why
parents weren’t emotionally available
Encourage discussion about the missing
sibling and allow disagreement about it
Clinical Implications for Sibs Cont.
Help with raising next generation by
discussing boundaries, disciplining, and
autonomy
Help them find meaning
Give permission to move on with new life
Discuss healthy coping
2010 NCMEC Funded Study
Nine people missing for 18 months to 15
years and are now over 21 were
interviewed – eight were family abductions
and one was non-family abduction (by
baby-sitter) (Greif, 2010).
2010 Study
Confirms earlier findings about long-term
impact
Reunification is ambiguous – people
believe all is well with return but it is not
(one example of polka dot dress)
Seeking therapy important
Social support system important
2010 Study
Parents need to: listen, be open to what is
heard, stay positive, help children
relinquish protective role of siblings, do not
force connection with the past, be open to
therapy, understand legal issues with
reunification
Children need to: prepare for long
process, form a support system, seek
help, especially if victimized
2010 Study
Social workers need to: learn what the
experiences were of the client, maintain
transparency/openness/honesty, listen,
understand that healing takes time,
convey to children that no subject is taboo,
consider group and family therapy, help
child avoid triangulation with abductor/leftbehind parent, help understand desire to
see abductor…
2010 Study
Help keep media away….
Why spend resources on this?
Existential question
It is linked to other issues cited earlier
It has international implications for
cooperation between countries (Hague
Convention governs this)
Study of ambiguous reunification
connected to immigration, adoption,
incarceration, custody
One Family’s Story: Video
Filmed over 17 years
Children abducted by father after mother
“took” children due to domestic violence
Mother remarried during their absence
Mother recovered children from foster
homes – daughter first (8) and then son
(5)– after three years apart from them
Initially, daughter has easier adjustment;
this changes in adolescence
Common Themes
Fear of father – they are in hiding in early
years
Fear is replaced by desire to see him
Protection/support mother gives
Protection sister gave brother while hiding
Sister now wants to make up for lost time
with mother and brother
Ambiguous Reunification
Mourning loss and accepting new reality
Are roles clear? How have children and
mother adapted, even years later?
Do expectations meet reality
How does this apply theoretically to
adoption, immigration, separation,
returning home, and other
reunifications…?
What are social work implications?
Video
2000 – mother & son (16) talk about dau.
1989 – mother, son (age 5), & dau. (age 8)
1990 – mother, son, daughter
1991 – mother, son, and daughter
1992 – mother son, and daughter
2000 – mother and son again
2006/2007 – Siblings (22 and 25)
References
Boss, P. 2006. Loss, Trauma, and Resilience. New York: Norton.
Finkelhor et al., 2002. The Nat’l Incidence Studies of Missing, Abd’d,
Runaway, & Thrownaway Children (II). Wash., DC: DOJ, OJJDP.
Greif, G. L. 2003. Treatment implications for adults who were
parentally abducted when young. FamilyTherapy, 30, 151-165.
Greif, G. L. & Bowers, D. 2007. Unresolved loss: Issues in working
with adults whose sibling was kidnapped years ago. American Jo.
of FamilyTherapy. 35, 203-19.
Greif, G. L. 2009. The long-term aftermath of child abduction: Two
case studies. Am Journal of FamilyTherapy, 37, 273-286.
Greif, G. L. 2010. Family Reunification after a lengthy abduction.
Nat’l Center for Missing and Exploited Children, Wash., DC: DOJ.
Greif, G. L. In Press. Ambiguous reunification. Families in Society.
Greif, G. L. & Hegar, R. L. 1993 When Parents Kidnap: The Stories
Behind the Headlines. New York: The Free Press.