Intimacy
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Chapter 10
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What do we mean by intimacy?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgxxA
wue7Fs
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Intimacy as an Adolescent Issue
 Not until adolescence do truly intimate relationships
first emerge
 Characteristics of true intimacy
openness, honesty, self-disclosure, and trust
 Intimacy becomes an important concern due to
changes of
 puberty
 cognitive changes
 social changes
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Theoretical Perspectives
Sullivan’s Developmental progression of needs:
 need for contact and for tenderness
 need for adult participation
 need for peers and peer acceptance
 Preadolescence
 Need for intimacy
 Adolescence
 Need for sexual contact and intimacy with opposite-sex peer
 Need for integration into adult society
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Theoretical Perspectives
Erikson’s View of Intimacy
 Crisis: Intimacy vs. Isolation
 In a truly intimate relationship, two
individuals’ identities fuse
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Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Changes in the Nature of Friendship
 As we get older, friendship type
changes
 Companionship appears before
adolescence
 Intimacy emerges later
 Early adolescence

Self-disclosure and trust
emerge as dimensions of
friendship
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Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Changes in the Nature of Friendship
 Conflicts that adolescents have with friends
 Older adolescents typically have conflicts over private
matters
 Younger adolescents typically have conflicts over public
disrespect
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Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Changes in the Display of Intimacy
(1) Adolescents become more knowledgeable about their
friends
(2) Adolescents become more responsive to close friends
and less controlling
(3) Friends become more interpersonally sensitive and show
more empathy
(4) Friends resolve conflicts more frequently by negotiation
or disengagement, not coercion
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Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Sex Differences in Intimacy
 Girls’ relationships are
more intimate than
boys’ across many
different indicators
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Girls disclose more to
their friends
Girls are more sensitive
and empathic to friends
Girls are more concerned
about trust and loyalty
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Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Changes in the “Targets” of
Intimacy
 Sullivan hypothesized that
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intimacy with peers replaces
intimacy with parents
Intimacy with peers of the
opposite sex replaces intimacy
with same-sex friends
 Actually new targets of
intimacy are added to old ones
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Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Changes in the “Targets” of Intimacy
 Different types of intimate relationships with parents and
peers
 Parent-adolescent relationships
 Imbalance of power, teens receive advice
 Adolescent peer relationships
 Mutual, balanced, equal exchanges
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Development of Intimacy in Adolescence
Friendships with the Other Sex
 Little is known about the nature or
significance or nonromantic
relationships with opposite-sex
peers
 Boys may profit more from these
relationships than do girls
Dating and Romantic Relationships
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Class Activity
 Recall your first date…
 How old were you?
 How did you approach the
boy/girl you liked?
 Where did you go?
 Alone or in a group?
 How did it go?
 Letting your child date…
 At what age would you allow?
 Any rules or limitations?
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Dating and Romantic Relationships
 High school dating no longer has the function of mate
selection
 Romantic relationships are very common, in the past 18
months
 25% of 12-years-olds reported having one
 50% of 15-year-olds reported having one
 70% of 18-year-olds reported having one
 But! Good news…
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Dating and Romantic Relationships
The Development of Dating Relationships
 Dating serves many purposes, besides developing intimacy
 Establishing emotional and behavioral autonomy from
parents
 Furthering development of gender identity
 Learning about oneself as a romantic partner
 Establishing/maintaining status and popularity in peer
group
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Dating and Romantic Relationships
The Development of Dating Relationships
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Four Phases of Adolescent
Romance
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
Infatuation
Status
Intimate
Bonding
May not apply to sexualminority youth, those who are
not exclusively heterosexual
"If you're a bird I'm a bird"
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Dating and Romantic Relationships
Impact of Dating on Adolescent Development
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Early and intensive dating before age 15
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Adolescent girls who do not date at all
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Stunting effect on psychosocial development
Retarded social development, excessive dependency on
parents, feelings of insecurity
Moderate degree of dating
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Potentially most valuable pattern
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Intimacy and Adolescent
Psychosocial Development
 Individuals with satisfying close friendships
 do better than those without them, in adolescence and
in adulthood
 Psychologically healthy adolescents are better able
 to make and maintain close relationships with others
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Intimacy and Adolescent
Psychosocial Development
 Negative effects can occur as well
 Frequent conversations about personal problems
 can lead to too much introspection
and self-consciousness
 “Corumination” between friends
 can make each of the friends
depressed