Feedback “Common experience” essay 2013

spelling, punctuation, does it makes sense?)
• Bonfire Night. NOT bonfire night or Bonfire’s Night.
• “creates an intense atmosphere”. Intense means something is strengthened/made stronger. You need to what kind of atmosphere is made stronger. Is it an intensely happy atmosphere or an intensely sinister atmosphere. Be specific.
• The word “get” or “getting” is banned. There is always a better word.
• You always need to be careful with pronouns (he, she etc). In this essay you need to make sure you make clear the differnce between the poet and the narrator.
They are not the same person and it becomes confusing.

• Must be as it was originally printed.
• A line or more should be displayed
• A word or short phrase can be incorporated into main body of text.
• Scannell opens the poem with a description of the fireworks we would expect to see on Bonfire Night:
“For days these curious cardboard buds have lain
In brightly coloured boxes.”
Here, Scannell uses a metaphor to describe the fireworks as
“curious cardboard buds”. Like flower buds, the fireworks have yet to open but they are full of potential for life and when they are lit, the fireworks will “bloom “ beautifully and colourfully in the sky.
Scannell extends this metaphor when he describes the lit fireworks as ”magic orchids.” Orchids are thought of as rare, exotic flowers and this description of the fireworks emphasises their beauty and the excitement people feel in seeing them.

Comma Splice
(STOP IT, YOU LITTLE WRETCHES!!!!!)
• Comma splice is when you use a comma instead of a full stop. It is bad and wicked and wrong. It will also lower your mark on the grounds of expression if you make this mistake repeatedly throughout an essay.

• The descriptions of how the fireworks are changing is described when the poet refers to the firework as making a “cat-like hiss” the use of onomatopoeia to describe the “hissing” sound the firework is making suggests an angry sound, it is like a warning and the narrator is feeling frightened and intimidated by the fireworks.

• The descriptions of how the fireworks are changing is described when the poet refers to the firework as making a “cat-like hiss” . T he use of onomatopoeia to describe the “hissing” sound the firework is making suggests an angry sound . I t is like a warning and the narrator is feeling frightened and intimidated by the fireworks.

• Detailed analysis
• Response to both parts of question.
• Effective conclusions.

• Moreover, the idea of the fireworks bringing up memories of the war is introduced in stanzas fives and six. Scannell goes from writing descriptions of the firework display to actually describing the display as if it is war.
Scannell describes the memories it brings back to the narrator:
“A bitter scent that brings the lurking past
Lurching to my side. The present shifts,
Allows a ten year memory to walk.”
Scannell personifies of the war using the words “lurking” and “lurching” making the memories appear as monsters or devilish beings. The sounds are reminding him so much of war that he can vividly remember it and can’t stop thinking about it. Scannell, again, uses enjambment to bring attention to the first line of the sixth stanza. Scannell has now fully introduced the idea of how war has affected the way common events are portrayed to him and how they have a deeper meaning.

As the poem progresses, the references to war become more evident in the fifth and sixth stanzas. The end of the fifth stanza describes how the smell of a firework take him back to the days of the war:
“A bitter scent that brings the lurking past
Lurching to my side.”
The word “bitter” suggests a very strong, acrid smell as well as giving the impression of an angry and resentful feeling. The words “lurking” and
“lurching” also have negative connotations. The word “lurking” suggests that the past is waiting in the shadows of the narrator’s mind and is ready to ambush him at a moment’s notice. “lurching” is an off- balance, sudden movement. This suggest that his past memories of war have been suddenly released and are very powerful. The poet has been successful in using words which deliberately remind the reader of war, making it clear that the poem has deeper significance than just a description of Bonfire Night; the poem is Scannell reminding us that those who survive war still continue to suffer once the fighting has stopped.

Response to the Question.
Choose a poem which seems to be about a common event or experience but which actually makes a deeper comment about life. ( THEME)
Explain what the poem is about and go on to show how the techniques used by the poet help you to understand the deeper significance of the poem’s message
.
(THEME)
Furthermore in stanza six, we continue to realise that the poem is not just about the common experience of a firework display. At the beginning of the stanza we are told about the veteran's memories and how they are coming back to him…. (Good topic sentence.
Refers to both parts of the question)
{rest pf paragraph - analysis}
… In this way Scannell has helped me to understand the deeper meaning about life. (WHAT
IS IT? THIS IS TOO VAGUE!)

Response to the Question.
Choose a poem which seems to be about a common event or experience but which actually makes a deeper comment about life. ( THEME)
Explain what the poem is about and go on to show how the techniques used by the poet help you to understand the deeper significance of the poem’s message
.
(THEME)
• In addition, stanza five repeats the idea of how terrifying and distressing the returned soldier finds the common and happy experience of Bonfire Night. When Scannell describes a firework being lit, he effectively shows the emotion the veteran is feeling as the poet exaggerates the intensity of the firework setting off:
“then the air is shocked with blast”
Here, we can understand how hard the man is finding it to cope with the fireworks as they are described as bombs. This further shows he is having flashbacks from the time spent serving his country. Scannell describes the man’s past as “lurking”. This makes us think that his memories are like monsters waiting in the shadows to get him. This word also strongly suggests that the memories are unwanted and are waiting to torture the former soldier. The poet has successfully shown the narrator’s reaction to the enjoyable, innocent fireworks. In describing his fear and distress, Scannell has furthered out understanding that an apparently enjoyable and common experience can have a deeper significance for some people; in this case Scannell reminds us how those who survive the battle of war can still be haunted by appalling memories.

• Make sure you refer back to both aspects of the question you have been asked:
• Common experience.
• Deeper meaning (what is the deeper meaning?)

Response to the Question.
Choose a poem which seems to be about a common event or experience but which actually makes a deeper comment about life. ( THEME)
Explain what the poem is about and go on to show how the techniques used by the poet help you to understand the deeper significance of the poem’s message
.
(THEME)
I n conclusion, in his poem “Gunpowder Plot”, Vernon
Scannell effectively demonstrates that a poem which seems to be about the common, shared experience of Bonfire
Night, in fact develops to reveal a deeper meaning about the effects of war. Overall, the poet makes effective use of a variety of different poetic techniques to help the reader understand how war affects people psychologically and how it affects the lives of those who had lost family members as a result of it.