Relational Aggression
What Parents Need to Know
Objectives
What is relational aggression?
What are the effects/warning
signs of relational aggression?
How can parents respond to
relational aggression?
Relational Aggression Example
VIDEO
What is Relational Aggression?
“Emotional violence and bullying
behaviors focused on damaging an
individual’s social connections within
the peer group.” – Dr. Nicki R. Crick
What is Relational Aggression?
Two primary components:
1. Imbalance of power
2. Intent to harm
What is Relational Aggression?
Two primary components:
1. Imbalance of power
2. Intent to harm
 Also, it can be a one time event or occur
repeatedly.
What is Relational Aggression?
“It’s A Girl Thing”
Girls often grow up being taught it is
much prettier to “be nice.”
As a result, when girls are angry they
often resort to covert or more indirect acts
of aggression. Boys tend to express anger
more overtly or in physical ways.
Types of Relational Aggression
Covert – Indirect, hidden acts of
aggression, social isolation, excluding.
Physical / Overt – Direct, blatant acts of
aggression, can be physical or verbal.
Harm through damage or threat of
damage to another’s physical well being.
Types of Relational Aggression
Verbal – Obvious and hidden verbal acts
such as threats, putdowns, and name
calling.
Reactive Relational – Defensive response
to provocation with intent to retaliate
Proactive Relational – Goal-directed
social “games” such as encouraging the
exclusion of someone else to elevate one’s
own social status
Methods of Relational Aggression
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Exclusion
Ignoring
Spreading rumors
Verbal Insults
Teasing
Intimidation
Eye rolling
Taunting
Manipulative Affection
Three-way calling
Cell phones/texting
Cyberbullying
Roles Played in Relational Aggression
The Queen
The Sidekick
The Gossip
The Floater
The Bully
The Bystanders
The Wannabee
The Target
Possible Effects of Relational Aggression
 Interrupted identity
formation
 Poor self esteem
 Feelings of powerlessness
 Hopelessness
 Inability to trust
 Poor relational skills
 Loneliness/Isolation
 Anger
 Frustration
 Feelings of rejection
 Helplessness
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Depression
Teen Pregnancy
Substance abuse
Self-injury
Eating disorders
Suicidal Ideation
Delinquent behavior
Homicidal ideation
Poor academic performance
Stress/anxiety
Separation Anxiety
( Youthlight, Inc., 2010)
Warning Signs of Relational Aggression
Unexplained bruises, scratches and cuts
Damage to clothes and belongings
Fear of going to school
Crying before, during, and/or after school
Difficulty sleeping
Frequent upset stomach
Lack of appetite and weight loss
Depression and anxiety
School grades dropping and incomplete
school work
 Feeling isolated/alone
 Refusal to say what is wrong
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(from: Ken Rigby’s Bullying in Schools and What to Do about It, 1996.)
Suggestions for Parents
 Spend time with your child. Be available to
listen and talk to your child about what is going
on in their life.
 Explore your child’s value systems/beliefs
about relationships:
 Is it okay to talk bad about someone and spread
rumors?
 Is it okay to do nothing/watch when someone is
being made fun of?
 Is it okay to boss somebody around?
 Is it okay to ignore a friend to be in the “popular
group?”
Suggestions for Parents
 Hold your child responsible for negative or
hurtful behavior, and help her understand
consequences of her actions.
 Help your child develop a strong sense of
identity through involvement in extra-curricular
activities.
Suggestions for Parents
Know your child’s friends.
Teach your child about communication,
such as the impact of body language or
tone of voice when in conversation.
Suggestions for Parents
Help your child see other points of view
and develop empathy for others.
Take time to ask, “Who did you help today?”
When watching a TV show or movie
involving bullying and relationships,
explore different roles and
perspectives.
Suggestions for Parents
Closely monitor TV, computer activities,
and music.
Teach kindness and model this behavior.
Be aware of your own aggressive
behaviors in relationships.
Suggestions for Parents
Be a positive role model. Actions speak
louder than words. Try positive “gossips”
at the dinner table by looking for the good
in people.
If you become aware of relational aggression
with your child (or another student):
 Validate the child’s feelings and concerns.
 Let the child know she made the right choice
by letting you know.
 Ask the child how she tried to stop the
behavior.
 Ask the child what she wants to do about the
situation.
 Empower your child to be assertive.
 If your child is “in the middle,” encourage her
to support the victim or at least not take part
in the aggression.
Seeking Additional Help
Inform the child that you plan to seek assistance.
Include her in the meeting/conversation if possible.
Report off-campus harassment/threats to the police if
needed.
Contact the child’s school counselor or school
administrator to see how they can help.
Do not advise the child to “fight back.” This could
result in serious consequences, and does not typically
solve the problem.
Save texts or other
messages that are harassing
to show school staff/police.
Questions?
Thank You for Attending!