“I
can’t”, “I won’t”, “You can’t make me!”:
Meltdowns, Shutdown, and Regulation
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Presentation - Objectives
• The Collaborative Problem Solving model:
guiding principles
• The link between problem behaviors and
missing skills
• Effective interventions vs. unproductive
explanations
TM
2
Choosing the
Collaborative Problem Solving
Model
TM
Children do well if they
can….TM
4
Children Do Well If They Can
TM
…if they can’t, we adults
need to figure out
what’s getting in the
way, so we can help
5
Skills that support the 3 Rs :
self-Regulation, Relationship and
Resilience
TM
•
•
•
•
•
•
Thinking skills
Executive skills
Emotion regulation skills
Communication skills
Social skills
Sensory-motor skills
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When skills are missing
• Troubling behaviors may occur in the face
of a problem
• Behaviors can be extreme and cause for
alarm:
– Kicking, hitting, spitting, screaming, profanity,
throwing, breaking, etc.
• Behaviors can be milder and cause for
concern:
– Hiding, refusal, withdrawn, crying, etc.
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Behavior is the clue,
not the problem
TM
• Meltdowns, tantrums, explosions and
shutdowns: consider this is code language
• “Something critical is missing for me in this
moment”
and
• “I don’t know how to get what’s missing”
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A different view:
Problem Behavior =
A Missing Skill or
an Unsolved Problem
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A different view:
• A problem behavior often is an attempt to
solve a problem in the face of lagging
skills
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Skills That May Be Lagging
•
•
•
•
•
Regulating emotion
Expressing concerns and needs
Handling transitions
Thinking flexibly without getting “stuck”
Taking into account the point of view
of another person
• Generating multiple solutions
• Having a sense of time; being able
to wait
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Assessment of Lagging Skills
and Unsolved Problems
• Parent input: listen for the missing skills in the
stories of behaviors and problem situations
• Teacher input: what are the likely, predictable
problems that occur
• The stories will point you to the lagging skills
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Prioritize and Plan
• What are the top 3 lagging skills?
• What will you address first:
– The easiest?
– The most problematic?
• Get agreement from the team
– These are the lagging skills we are going to address for now
– Not those others at this time
• How will we teach new skills?
13
Opportunities Abound to
Address a Lagging Skill
• Before a predictable problem situation occurs
• Situations in which unmet expectations occur
AND not yet in a meltdown
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Our Response to Unmet
Expectations
Plan A: Impose adult will
Plan B*: Collaborative Problem
Solving
Plan C: Drop it for now
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Our Response to Unmet
Expectations
Plan A: Impose adult will
Plan B:
Plan C:
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Plan A: Impose Adult Will
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
“No”
“You must”
“You can’t”
“1-2-3”
“I’m the decider”
“You’re grounded”
No more computer time!
“You better stop or else”
If you want your allowance,
you’ll do it
Plan A is one way to
pursue adult
expectations.
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Plan A: Imposing Will
•
•
•
•
Pursues adult expectations
Does not teach missing skills
Does not result in a durable solution
Does not create affinity in the relationship
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Our Response to Unmet
Expectations
Plan A: Impose adult will
Plan B:
Plan C: Drop it (for now, at least)
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Plan C: Drop it
(for now, at least)
• “Okay”
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Plan C: Drop it (for now, at
least)
•Reduces meltdowns or challenging behaviors
•Builds relationship - child feels you understand
•Does not pursue adult expectations
•Does not teach skills
•Does not result in a durable solution
(Plan C may be used as part of overall strategy for a highly explosive child)
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Our Response to Unmet
Expectations
Plan A: Impose adult will
Plan B: Collaborative Problem Solving
Plan C: Drop it (for now, at least)
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Plan B
Collaborative Problem Solving
• 1. Empathy & Reassurance
• 2. Define the Problem
• 3. Invitation
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Plan B
Collaborative Problem Solving
• 1. Empathy & Reassurance
• 2.
• 3.
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1. Empathy and Reassurance
• Get the child’s
concern on the
table
Reassure the child that his/her concern will
not be “blown off the table”
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Plan B
Collaborative Problem Solving
• 1. Empathy & Reassurance
• 2. Define the Problem
• 3.
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2. Define the Problem
• Identify and
summarize both the
adult’s and the child’s
specific concerns
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Plan B
Collaborative Problem Solving
• 1. Empathy & Reassurance
• 2. Define the Problem
• 3. Invitation
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3. Invitation
• Let’s figure this
out together
• How can we make it
work for you and for
me?
Note: Don’t be a genius!
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Review:
Our Response to Unmet Expectations
Plan A: Impose adult will
Plan B: Collaborative Problem
Solving
Plan C: Drop it for now
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A B C Chart
PLAN
Pursue
Expectations
Reduce
Meltdowns
Teach Lagging
Skills
A
Adult imposes will
on child
B
Both collaborate on
finding a solution
C
Child’s perspective:
Expectations are
reduced or
removed
31
A B C Chart
PLAN
Pursue
Expectations
Reduce
Meltdowns
Teach Lagging
Skills
A
Adult imposes will
on child
B
Both collaborate on
finding a solution
C
Child’s perspective:
Expectations are
reduced or
removed
32
A B C Chart
PLAN
Pursue
Expectations
Reduce
Meltdowns
Teach Lagging
Skills
A
Adult imposes will
on child
B
Both collaborate on
finding a solution
C
Child’s perspective:
Expectations are
reduced or
removed
33
A B C Chart
PLAN
Pursue
Expectations
Reduce
Meltdowns
Teach Lagging
Skills
A
Adult imposes will
on child
B
Both collaborate on
finding a solution
C
Child’s perspective:
Expectations are
reduced or
removed
34
A B C Chart
PLAN
Pursue
Expectations
Reduce
Meltdowns
Teach Lagging
Skills
A
Adult imposes will
on child
B
Both collaborate on
finding a solution
C
Child’s perspective:
Expectations are
reduced or
removed
35
A B C Chart
PLAN
Pursue
Expectations
Reduce
Meltdowns
Teach Lagging
Skills
A
Adult imposes will
on child
B
Both collaborate on
finding a solution
C
Child’s perspective:
Expectations are
reduced or
removed
36
A B C Chart
PLAN
Pursue
Expectations
Reduce
Meltdowns
Teach Lagging
Skills
A
Adult imposes will
on child
B
Both collaborate on
finding a solution
C
Child’s perspective:
Expectations are
reduced or
removed
37
A B C Chart
PLAN
Pursue
Expectations
Reduce
Meltdowns
Teach Lagging
Skills
A
Adult imposes will
on child
B
Both collaborate on
finding a solution
C
Child’s perspective:
Expectations are
reduced or
removed
38
A B C Chart
PLAN
Pursue
Expectations
Reduce
Meltdowns
Teach Lagging
Skills
A
Adult imposes will
on child
B
Both collaborate on
finding a solution
C
Child’s perspective:
Expectations are
reduced or
removed
39
A B C Chart
PLAN
Pursue
Expectations
Reduce
Meltdowns
Teach Lagging
Skills
A
Adult imposes will
on child
B
Both collaborate on
finding a solution
C
Child’s perspective:
Expectations are
reduced or
removed
40
Your explanation
guides
your intervention
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“Dead End” Explanations
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
He just wants attention
She is stubborn
He never listens
She just wants control
Teenagers are disrespectful
He is autistic
She has attachment disorder
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Explanations Guide Actions
DEAD END EXPLANATION:
He just wants attention
ACTION: Ignore him
PLAN B EXPLANATION:
He doesn’t know how to
control his impulses
ACTION: Build this skill
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Explanations Guide Actions
DEAD END EXPLANATION:
She just wants control
ACTION: Don’t give her
what she wants or she
will take over.
PLAN B EXPLANATION:
She doesn’t know how
to take the perspective of
the other person.
ACTION: Build this skill
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Explanations Guide Actions
DEAD END EXPLANATION:
He has autism
ACTION: Lower your
expectations
PLAN B EXPLANATION:
He doesn’t know how to
ask for what he wants
ACTION: Build this skill
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“Dead End” Explanations
Lead to These Likely Actions
•
•
•
•
She is stubborn: insist louder
He never listens: use rewards and consequences
Teenagers are disrespectful: ground them
She has attachment disorder: show her who is the
boss
46
An Empowering Explanation
• There is a lagging
or missing skill
• There is an
unsolved problem
47
Unsolved Problem =
• Two concerns
that have yet to
be reconciled
48
Video Presentation
“Conversation in the Sun Room”
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A B C Chart
PLAN
Pursue
Expectations
Reduce
Meltdowns
Teach
Skills
A
Adult imposes will
on child
B
Both collaborate on
finding a solution
C
Child’s perspective:
Expectations are
reduced or
removed
50
A B C Chart
PLAN
Pursue
Expectations
Reduce
Meltdowns
Teach
Skills
A
Adult imposes will
on child
B
Both collaborate on
finding a solution
C
Child’s perspective:
Expectations are
reduced or
removed
51
A B C Chart
PLAN
Pursue
Expectations
Reduce
Meltdowns
Teach
Skills
A
Adult imposes will
on child
B
Both collaborate on
finding a solution
C
Child’s perspective:
Expectations are
reduced or
removed
52
A B C Chart
PLAN
Pursue
Expectations
Reduce
Meltdowns
Teach
Skills
A
Adult imposes will
on child
B
Both collaborate on
finding a solution
C
Child’s perspective:
Expectations are
reduced or
removed
53
Plan B Teaches Skills
•
•
•
•
Staying calm enough to think
Expressing own point of view
Taking into account other’s point of view
Finding a realistic and mutually
satisfactory solution
54
Behavior is the clue,
not the problem
TM
• Meltdowns, tantrums, explosions and
shutdowns: consider this is code language
• “Something critical is missing for me in this
moment” (Lagging or missing skills)
and
• “I don’t know how to get what’s missing”
(Teach new skills)
55
Your explanation
guides
your intervention
56
A Better Intervention
• Collaborative Problem Solving
– Teaches skills:
•
•
•
•
•
Thinking skills
Executive skills
Emotion regulation skills
Communication skills
Social skills
– Solves problems
– Empowers adults and children
57
Conclusion
• Describe three guiding principles of the
“Collaborative Problem Solving” model
• Identify problem behaviors that indicate
missing skills
• Distinguish the difference between
effective interventions and unproductive
explanations
Resources
• www.ccps.info
– For more information about Collaborative Problem
Solving
• The Explosive Child
by Ross Greene, Ph.D. and Stuart Ablon, Ph.D.
• Treating Explosive Kids
by Ross Greene, Ph.D. and Stuart Ablon, Ph.D.
• Lost at School by Ross Greene
• www.childrensinstitute.com
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