Communication:
Principles for a Lifetime
Portable Edition
Steven A. Beebe, Susan J. Beebe,
and Diana K. Ivy
Prepared by:
James R. Smith
State University of New York—
New Paltz
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CHAPTER 2.2
ENHANCING
RELATIONSHIPS
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FIVE PRINCIPLES
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OTHER KEY RELATIONSHIPS
The previous chapter had a romantic
relationship slant. There are three other
important types of relationships.
• Friendships
• Family
• Colleagues
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IMPORTANCE OF FRIENDSHIP
There are differences among friendships at
four life stages.
• Childhood—first friendships typically selfcentered and fleeting
• Adolescent—movement away from parents to
peers and membership in peer groups
• Adult—most valued but often few in number
• Elder—increasingly important, enduring, small
network of highly valued friends
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ENHANCING FAMILY
RELATIONSHIPS
• Satir’s research notes following
attributes of healthy families
– Members have high sense of self-worth
– Communication is direct, clear, honest
– Rules are flexible and humane
– Family’s links to society are open & hopeful
• Good family relationships involve
adaptation
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ENHANCING WORKPLACE
RELATIONSHIPS
Communication skills are highly valued in
the workplace.
• Enhancing workplace relationships
– Uncertainty reduction causes information seeking
– Verbal and nonverbal communication skills
– Listening and responding, best managers often the
best listeners
– Adaptation is critical to successful coworker
relationships
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RELATIONSHIP STAGES
INSERT FIGURE 8.1
P. 197 Bottom Top
HERE/ Relationship
Stages
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ESCALATION &
DE-ESCALATION
• Relationships have predictable stages of
escalation and de-escalation.
• Interpersonal communication is critically
important in all stages.
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ESCALATION STAGES
INTIMACY
INTENSIFICATION
EXPLORATION
See text for details
of each stage.
INITIATION
PRE-INTERACTION AWARENESS
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DE-ESCALATION STAGES
TURMOIL OR STAGNATION
DE-INTENSIFICATION
INDIVIDUALIZATION
See text for details
of each stage.
SEPARATION
POST-INTERACTION
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MANAGING INTERPERSONAL
CONFLICT
• Interpersonal conflict is a struggle that
occurs when two people cannot agree on
a way to meet their needs.
• The intensity of conflict relates to the
intensity of the unmet needs.
• Humans are generally need driven and
goal-oriented, so it’s not surprising that
conflict is goal driven.
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CONFLICT IN RELATIONSHIPS
• Conflict is normal in relationships…it can
be constructive or destructive.
CONSTRUCTIVE
DESTRUCTIVE
Cooperation in dealing
with differences; builds
new insights & patterns
Lack of cooperation; it
dismantles without
restoring
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HALLMARKS OF
CONSTRUCTIVE CONFLICT
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
People change
People interact with intent to learn
People do not stay stuck in conflict
Constructive conflict enhances self-esteem
Constructive conflicts have relationship
focus
6. Constructive conflict is primarily cooperative
Wilmont & Hocker
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CONFLICT INVOLVES POWER
Interpersonal power, or control, means the ability
to influence another in the direction we desire.
Three types of “power” relationships:
• Complimentary—one partner willingly cedes
power to another
• Symmetrical—similar control behavior in each
party, partners compete to dominate or both
relinquish control to avoid decision
• Parallel—power continually shifts among
partners depending upon the situation
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ASSERTIVE OR AGGRESSIVE
COMMUNICATION
• Assertive communication takes a
listener’s feelings and rights into account.
• Aggressive communication is selfserving and does not take listener’s
feelings and rights into account.
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CONFRONTATIONAL STYLES
NONCONFRONTATIONAL
Giving in to other
person
CONFRONTATIONAL
Win-lose, one person
wants control
COOPERATIVE
Focus on problems to
be solved rather than
win-lose
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CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
SKILLS
MANAGE EMOTIONS
MANAGE INFORMATION
MANAGE GOALS
MANAGE THE PROBLEM
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EMOTION MANAGEMENT SKILLS
•
•
•
•
•
Select mutually agreed upon time/place
Plan your message
Monitor nonverbal messages
Avoid personal attacks, profanity
Use self-talk
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INFORMATION MANAGEMENT
SKILLS
• Clearly describe conflict-producing events
• “Own” statements via descriptive “I”
language
• Use effective listening skills
• Check understanding of what others do
and say
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GOAL MANAGEMENT SKILLS
• Identify your goal and partner’s goal
• Identify where goals overlap
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PROBLEM MANAGEMENT
SKILLS
• Resist developing solutions until nature of
problem and each other’s goals
understood
• More possible solutions, greater likelihood
of successful goal management
• Discuss pros and cons of solutions
together
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STUDY HINTS
• Read Chapter Summary and Recaps
• Know terms in boldface and definitions
• Review types of relationships, stages of
relationship development, conflict and
power, styles and skills of/for managing
conflict
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