Crucial Conversations Principles
for Coaches
MarVele Tycksen
Handouts:
Worksheet
Language of a Mentor
A Protocol to get “Unstuck”
(Communicating in Crucial Conversations)
Procedure for collaboration:
Assignment
Return prompt - 5 seconds
Session Objectives
• Explore elements of a crucial
conversation
• Learn about your own style
under stress
• Learn strategies to use in
coaching interactions
Crucial Conversation Principles
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Get Unstuck - CPR
Start with Heart
Learn to Look
Make it Safe
Master My Stories
STATE My Path
Explore Others’ Paths
Move to Action
Work on Me First
Focus with Others
A true coach helps those they mentor, to do
more, see more, and become more than they
could become on their own.
So what do you do when your mentee….
…..resists your help?
When they:
• …think they know it all…..
• …rationalize their poor performance….
• or……..
…tell you what you want to hear, and then do their
own thing….
Would you like some help?
Think of a teacher that you will consider through the
training.
Find a table partner and share it with them.
What is a crucial
conversation?
Ron McMillan
Crucial Conversations have:
Opposing
Opinions
Strong
Emotions
High Stakes
When it Matters Most, We Do the Worst
…. sugarcoat the conversation
…or run from them
…ramrod them
The best, resolve conversations through dialogue
What conversations are
you not holding, or not
holding well?
Style Under Stress Survey
Review your survey, what is your style of response?
Silence or Violence ?
silence
violence
During Crucial
Conversations parts of
the brain shut down
so, we are left to deal with
complex social problems
with the same set of skills
we would use to deal with a
ferocious animal. It is our…
Reptilian Brain
Think of your teacher ……
How does your style impact your coaching?
Values that Kill Dialogue
 Save Face
 Keep the peace
 Win
 Be Right
 Look Good
 Avoid Conflict
When the conversation becomes crucial,
slow down.
Stop. Look. Listen.
Lets explore strategies that will
help with crucial conversations
while we are coaching…
Crucial Conversation Principles
• Get Unstuck - CPR
• Start with Heart
• Learn to Look
• Make it Safe
• Master My Stories
• STATE My Path
• Explore Others’ Paths
• Move to Action
Work on Me First
Focus with Others
CPR
Joseph Grenny, Author
True Story of resistant teacher, part I
Observation 1 data: 37 disruptions
Post Conference
• Content
multiple disruptions
Observation 2, data: high rates of off task behavior
Post Conference
What is the problem?
Does the conversation need to change from
Content to Pattern?
• Pattern
poor classroom management
not accepting results
Observation 3 students out of seats, etc.
Post Conference
Does the conversation need to change again?
• Relationship
lack the ability?
not value the results of the observations?
do not respect your expertise?
Review of CPR:
• Content
• Pattern or Process
• Relationship
If the content level conversation is not getting
results move to pattern and then relationship.
Think of your teacher ……
Are you holding the right conversation?
How do you know?
Crucial Conversation Principles
• Get Unstuck - CPR
• Start with Heart
• Learn to Look
• Make it Safe
• Master My Stories
• STATE My Path
• Explore Others’ Paths
• Move to Action
Work on Me First
Focus with Others
Start with Heart
“Work on
Me First,
Us Second”
Ask:
What do you want?
True Story of resistant teacher, part II
What do you really want?
Start With heart:
Learn
Find the Truth
Produce Results
Strengthen Relationships
Review Start with
Heart
Focus on
what you
really want?
Think of the teacher that you are considering……
What do you really want ?
Crucial Conversation Principles
• Get Unstuck - CPR
• Start with Heart
• Learn to Look
• Make it Safe
• Master My Stories
• STATE My Path
• Explore Others’ Paths
• Move to Action
Work on Me First
Focus with Others
Learn to Look
During normal
conversations we use a
third eye
–Two eyes and ears
attend to the content of
the conversation (the
what).
–Another eye watches
the conditions of the
conversation (the how).
What do you notice about yourself
when you are nervous or on the spot?
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Tense shoulders
Heat turned up (flushing, sweating)
Stomach ache
Go Silent
Roll Eyes
Look Down
Look for these behaviors in the teacher.
Remember! When you see these signs,
slow down.
Stop. Look. Listen.
Crucial Conversation Principles
• Get Unstuck - CPR
• Start with Heart
• Learn to Look
• Make it Safe
• Master My Stories
• STATE My Path
• Explore Others’ Paths
• Move to Action
Work on Me First
Focus with Others
Make it Safe
Learn to Look for safety problems
body language
looking away
silence
sarcastic remarks
walks away
intonation in voice
Make it Safe
People who look at safety
and content during crucial
conversations can get to
dialogue about almost
anything.
Those who don’t, try to fix
what goes wrong in exactly
the wrong way.
Story Part III SUU Observation
Went to silence…. Eyes down
"My lesson is completely different."
Start with heart
Learn to Look
Make it Safe
Step out of the conversation
Apologize and Contrasting Statement:
Review Make it Safe
What do you do if it becomes unsafe?
• Step out of the conversation
• Apologize
• Use a Contrasting statement
–Contrasting is a “Don’t/Do” Statement
Think of the teacher that you are considering……
What will you do if you suspect safety is problem?
Story Part IV
Copy of email
On Mon, 04 Oct 2010 10:08:13 -0600
__(teacher )wrote:
"MarVele,
I got all 3s on my evaluation with the student
principal and the (principal's name) even came
in for a few minutes to observe. Thanks for
your note and all your help. They said I did a
great job and to keep doing what I am doing."
A true coach helps those they mentor,
to do more, see more, and become
more than they could become on
their own.
Review the principles of Crucial Conversations:
•
•
•
CPR (content, pattern, relationship)
Start With Heart
Learn to Look
Make It Safe
Our Session Objectives were:
Explore elements of a crucial conversation
Learn about your own style
under stress
Learn strategies to use in
coaching interactions
• NOW…
• Assignment :
At our next UCN meeting be prepared to
return & report on how you used these
principles in your coaching interactions?
Use the notes, protocol, and mentor language,
pages and practice using the principles.