Organization
for Short Correspondence
Organization for
Short Correspondence
Make several decisions  revisit PAGOS
Specific purpose may determine organization
adjustment, claim, request, complaint, inquiry,
response, “to-file”, etc. (check the book)
Good News/Neutral Pattern of Organization
• Main idea, purpose
• Details
• Goodwill closing
Bad News Pattern of Organization
• Opening with context (buffer)
• Explanation
• Bad news (alternative?)
• Goodwill closing (alternative?)
Or, buffer, explanation, bad news, exit
(BEBE)
Types of Buffers
• Start with any good news or positive
elements the letter contains.
• State a fact or provide a chronology of
events.
• Refer to enclosures in the letter.
• Thank the reader for something he or she
has done.
• State a general principle.
Alternatives
• Offer the reader another way to get
what’s wanted.
• Suggest the writer really cares about
the reader.
• Enable the reader to reestablish
psychological freedom.
• Allow you to end on a positive note.
Persuasive/Request Pattern of Organization
(Purpose, Audience  Context?)
• Opening: Problem statement? Hook? Detail?
Situation/Context? Request?
– LINK TO READER BENEFIT
• Body: details, reasons, etc.
• Close: restate request, idea
Back to Basics
Good Professional Writing is:
– clear
– complete
– correct
– concise
– builds goodwill
Building Goodwill
• You-Attitude or You Viewpoint
• Positive Emphasis
• Reader Benefits
You Attitude (You Viewpoint)
A style of writing which looks at things from
the reader’s point of view.
What is their point of view?
PAGOS  Audience
Ways to demonstrate you attitude
I/we  you
Focus on what the reader receives or can do, not on
what you’ve done.
Not YA: We have invested a lot of money to
build the biggest inventory in town.
YA:
You can choose from the largest
selection of gifts in town, thanks to
Robinson’s large inventory.
Ways to demonstrate you attitude
can’t  can
Focus on what the reader receives or can do,
not on what the reader cannot do.
Not YA:
Non-standard merchandise may not be
purchased without the prior approval of
the Plant Manager.
YA:
To purchase non-standard
merchandise, you must first get the
Plant Manager’s approval.
can’t  can
Not YA:
YA:
You may not be excused from class for
religious observance without sending
written notice to your professor.
Ways to demonstrate you attitude
Provide details
Emphasize what the reader wants to know.
Not YA: We shipped your order today.
Your order has been shipped. (not YA enough)
YA:
You should receive your order early next
week.
Provide details
Not YA: I have graded your project.
YA:
Ways to demonstrate you attitude
Be Cautious of Feelings
Not YA:
YA:
Not YA:
YA:
We are happy to give you a credit line
of $2000.
You now have a credit line of $2000 with
American Express.
You will be overjoyed to learn that your
vacation request has been approved.
Your vacation request has been approved.
or
Yes, you may take October 15-22 as
vacation days.
Be Cautious of Feelings
Not YA:
I’m happy to assign extra reading because
I know it will help you understand the
material.
YA:
Not YA:
YA:
You will be glad to know that you earned a
C+ on the project.
Exception – Talk about your feelings
Exception: You may talk about feelings in a
condolence or congratulatory message.
YA:
I am sorry to hear that your father died.
YA:
I’m delighted that you’ll be our new sales
manager.
Ways to demonstrate you attitude
Avoid “You” in Negative Situations
Avoid “you” when it singles out the individual
reader. Instead, talk about the group to which
the reader belongs.
Not YA: You must get approval from the instructor
before you turn in your proposal.
YA:
Students must get the instructor’s approval
before turning in their proposals.
Avoid “You” in Negative Situations
Not YA: You may not be excused from class for
your sister’s wedding.
YA:
Ways to use you attitude
Avoid “You” in Negative Situations
Avoid “you” when it criticizes the reader. Instead, use a
passive verb construction or an impersonal
construction to avoid assigning blame.
Not YA: You failed to sign your check.
YA:
Your check was not signed.
PV (actor implied, not in sentence) by
who?
YA:
Your check arrived without a signature.
IC (object performs action, no actor)
Passive Construction to
deemphasize responsibility
Passive Verb/Construction: the actor is
implied, but not in the sentence.
Sentence: You did not fill out the job
application completely.
Passive Verb Revision: The application
was not filled out completely. (by who?)
Impersonal Construction to
deemphasize responsibility
Impersonal Construction: The object
performs the action.
Sentence: You did not fill out the job
application completely.
Impersonal Construction Revision: The
application is incomplete.
Sentence: Cindy failed to turn in her project
on time.
Passive Verb Revision: The project was
not turned in on time. (by who?)
Impersonal Construction Revision: The
project is late.
Sentence: You will receive a $100 fine.
Passive Verb Revision: A $100 fine will be
received. (by who?)
Impersonal Construction Revision: A
$100 fine is assessed.
Sentence: You did not include your error
log.
Passive Verb Revision: The error log was
not included. (by who?)
Impersonal Construction Revision: The
error log is missing.
Sentence: The file you gave me won’t open.
Passive Verb Revision: The file submitted
will not open. (by who?)
Impersonal Construction Revision: The
file is corrupted. The file will not open.
Create Positive Emphasis
1. Eliminate negative words and words with
negative connotations.
2. Focus on what the reader can do rather
than on limitations.
3. Justify negative information by giving a
reason or a reader benefit.
4. If the negative is truly unimportant, omit it.
5. Bury the negative information and present it
compactly.
Ways to create positive emphasis
Eliminate Negative Words
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
afraid
anxious
delay
delinquent
dissatisfied
error
fail
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
loss
misfortune
missing
not
problem
reject
weakness
• I’m afraid that you were assigned a broken
chair.
• One weakness in your project is your budget.
• You are not able to file for an exemption until a
• Noah failed to turn in his library books on time.
Include Reader Benefits
• Benefits and advantages the reader gets
from
– using your services
– buying your products
– following your policies
– adopting your ideas
• Demonstrate your concern for quality and
meeting customers’ needs
Good Reader Benefits are
• Adapted to the audience
– Saving money vs. saving time
• Developed using logic and details
– Accurate
– Detailed
• Phrased in You-Attitude
• Benefits are often “frontloaded”