Bell Work
Read textbook pages 320-323
“Conflict Resolution Skills”
Check out the “Did you know?”
on pages 321 & 322
Conflict
Resolution
Definition:
The process of ending a conflict by
cooperating and problem solving
Objectives
1. Define tolerance.
2. Define negotiation.
3. Name & describe the 3 ways to handle a
conflict.
– Passive, aggressive & assertive
4. Explain why “I” statements are an effective
way to communicate.
Preventing Conflict
• Tolerance
– Accepting others’ differences & allowing them
to be who they are without expressing
disapproval
TB 321
Solving a Conflict
• Negotiation
– Process in which compromising is used to
reach agreement
• Talking, listening, considering other person’s point of
view, compromising
• No blaming
TB 322
Responding to Conflicts
1. Aggressive
–
Bully
2. Assertive
–
Leader
•
•
High self esteem
Admits mistakes
3. Passive
–
Follower
•
Low self esteem
• “You” statements
– Nothing solved
– Have to get THEIR way
• “I” statements
– Best chance of resolution
– Willing to compromise &
say sorry
• Little/nothing said
– Nothing solved, give in
– Never stick up for yourself
TB 306-307
You idiot!
Communication Skills
I Statements
How to use an I statement
It is a verbal message!
Identify
feelings
and
situation
Give an
example
solution
(compromise)
I feel ______________________
when ______________________
because ___________________.
I’d like/I want _______________.
Would you consider _________
___________________________?
Think about what the other person would
want… put yourself in their shoes.
EXAMPLE
Parents won’t let you out past 10
I feel untrusted
when I can’t go out after 10
because I’ve been well behaved.
I’d like/I want to try and compromise.
Would you consider letting me stay out until 11?
How to avoid “you”…
• When you keep bothering me
Turn it into…
• When I am distracted
• Because you always make me
Turn it into…
• Because I’m made to
Example Conflicts
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Getting picked on by classmates or friends
Seeing someone else get picked on
Chores
Computer usage
Girl/boyfriend wants to spend every day
with you
Not allowed to go somewhere
Clothes/hair
Curfew
Cell phone (bill…)
Example Conflicts
• A person is saying “you’re stupid.”
• You witness a person telling someone they’re
stupid
• Your brother does not have to do as many chores
as you do.
• Your sister won’t let you on the computer.
• Your girlfriend wants to spend every day with you.
• You’re being picked on for being small.
• Your parents will not let you go to a school dance.
• You don’t like that a friend of yours keeps poking
fun at you.
• Your parents won’t let you wear certain clothes on
the weekend or do your hair a certain way.
Now you try…
Your parents will not let go somewhere.
Concert, dance, mall, friend’s house…
I feel ______________
when ____________________________________
because _________________________________.
I’d like/I want _____________________________.
Would you consider ________________________
_______________________________________?
What is the importance of each line in an I Statement?
I feel
Use a feeling word (upset, let down,
sad, disappointed)
when
Explain the situation in detail & avoid
“you”
because
Explain feelings and how it affects you
(sympathy line)
“it is important to me.”
“it hurts my feelings.”
I’d like/I want
“to compromise.”
“to fix our misunderstanding.”
“talk about this tonight.”
“be friends again.”
Would you consider
Ideas/solutions to fix the conflict. Be
specific!! Both people must be okay
with the suggestion.
What is the importance of each line in an I Statement?
I feel
when
because
Use a feeling word (upset, let down, sad,
disappointed)
Explain the situation in detail & avoid “you”
Explain feelings and how it affects you
(sympathy line)
“it is important to me.”
“it hurts my feelings.”
What is the importance of each line in an I Statement?
I’d like/I want
Would you consider
“to compromise.”
“to fix our misunderstanding.”
“talk about this tonight.”
“be friends again.”
Ideas/solutions to fix the conflict. Be
specific!! Both people must be
okay with the suggestion.
Important Elements
Of An I Statement
I feel identify a feeling (upset, sad, disappointed)
when describe the situation in detail & avoid you
because explain feelings to get their sympathy
I’d like/I want ideas of what to say here: fix our
misunderstanding, talk about this tonight, compromise, to be
friends again…
Would you consider an idea/solution/compromise to
fix/improve the conflict. It must be specific &
something both people would agree to.
How to use an I statement
It is a verbal message!
Identify
feelings
and
situation
Give an
example
solution
(compromise)
I feel ______________________
when ______________________
because ___________________.
I’d like/I want _______________.
Would you consider _________
___________________________?
EXAMPLE
Your friend is dating your Xgirl/boyfriend
I feel angry
when I see you with so-and-so
because we spent lots of time together.
I’d like/I want some time to heal.
Would you consider waiting a few weeks to see
each other?
Why use I statements?
hate
violence
you statements
anger
True/False
1. True
False
I statements prevent people from trying
to guess why you are mad.
2. True
False
Tolerance is accepting others differences
without expressing disapproval.
3. True
False
I statements should involve a
compromise.
4. True
False
Passive people always have to get
their way.
5. True
False
Negotiation is a method to prevent
conflicts.
6. True
False
I Statements are always effective in solving
conflicts.
7. True
False
Assertive people use a sincere tone of voice
when discussion a conflict.
8. True
False
I statements are only shared with the friends
of the person you are upset with.
9. True
False
You have no control over how the other
person responds in a conflict situation.
10. True
False
A compromise is when both people are
comfortable with a solution to a problem.
11. True
False
The word “you” is considered to be an
assertive term.
Your parents will not let you take the train to a mid-day concert in
Chicago this weekend with your friends and two adults. You want
to go and are going to try an “I statement” to resolve the conflict.
1.
I feel angry
When you won’t let me go to the concert
Because I never get to go anywhere.
I’d like/I want you to reconsider.
Would you consider letting me go?
2. I feel disappointed
When I couldn’t go to the concert in Chicago
Because I’m responsible.
I’d like/I want to compromise.
Would you consider letting me go if I call you twice?
3.
I feel left out
When I am not able to go to the concert with my friends
Because I know they’re going to have a good time.
I’d like/I want to compromise.
Would you consider letting me go if I am home by 10 pm?
4. I feel not trusted
When I can’t go to the concert with 2 adults
Because I can take care of myself.
I’d like/I want to go to the concert.
Would you consider letting me go to the concert?
1. In you’re opinion, which I statement is the best?
Why?
2. Which statement is the most aggressive? Why?
3. Which statement(s) do not provide a solution or
compromise?
4. In which statement does the person just keep
repeating themselves?
Will they always work?
• No
– You can’t control other people
• But…
– You’ve tried your best to resolve conflict in an
assertive way
– Helps your self-esteem
• Feel good
– Might make the person think more about
situation
– Didn’t escalate problem
• Add to the fire