Letter to my Father.
1980.
Ingrid M. Hindell.
Sharing what we all need to know!
8/04/2015
C.: Growthability Consultants
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Dear Dad,
This is the second letter I am writing to
you in three months and again it's
because I want to tell you something I
find hard to put into words. You may
find it strange that this letter is
addressed to you personally. The fact
is that Mum already knows what this
letter contains and she and I have
discussed this matter pretty fully.
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C.: Growthability Consultants
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Oh God, if you only knew how
hard this letter is to write.
There are some things that are
extremely difficult for parents
to accept, however gently
children try to phrase them.
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You may also wonder why I am
giving this to you personally. It' s
so you can discuss what I am
going to say here after you have
read it through. Then you can
discuss it with Mum.
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C.: Growthability Consultants
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I was waiting for you to ask me what I
am going to do this week-end when
you go to - that's why I was lotus
gathering in your kitchen yesterday.
The thing is, and now the truth cannot
be put off any longer, ... is taking me
out on the ferry boat on the Yarra on
Saturday, and to the Dandenongs on
Sunday, and I will very likely be
spending Friday and Saturday nights
with him.
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Please, please Dad, don't ask me
what Mum asked, whether I have
considered this fully. This is not
something I would undertake
without giving it some agonising
consideration, and it is something I
feel I have to do.
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I should tell you, I think, because
you will understand, that for a long
time I will never get married.
Maybe this will sound corny,
because many disabled people do
get married, but most of them are
less disabled than I am, and the
ones who aren't are mostly men.
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This is because women are
expected and expect to be the
nurturers and carers in modern
society, and are able to envisage
caring for a disabled partner. I,
therefore (maybe wrongly) feel
that I would like to take care of a
house, sew, cook, and clean,
before I get married.
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C.: Growthability Consultants
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I accept the way society is and the
sexes work. but Dad, I don't
believe in celibacy any more . If I
did, for whatever reason, it would
be O.K. Anyway, I don't believe
in it for me.
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C.: Growthability Consultants
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I know I am a daughter, and I
know I am disabled, but I hope you
will understand. I don't expect you
to approve of what I am doing in
fact, maybe you will find it
devastatingly hard to comprehend
that I am contemplating such an
action, but somehow I don't think
you will!
8/04/2015
C.: Growthability Consultants
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I'm sure I have never spoken to
you this intimately before, but I
would rather tell you where I am
than not.
This way if I am out at night, all
night even, you won't wonder what
has happened to me.
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C.: Growthability Consultants
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… is a good man Dad. He is
gentle and kind, but I am not in
love with him. Maybe that shocks
you but I think that is one question
you would like to ask me, but may
be too embarrassed to do so.
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As I said, I found this difficult to
bring this up last night. Mum is
sure that telling you something like
this would give you heart failure
on the spot. That's why I decided
to write this – I am always better at
explaining things on paper.
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And I think you deserved this long
letter, instead of just "Dad, I'm
going to spend the week-end
with… Just a bald statement. I did
not know how to do it any other
way, at first, but this letter might,
indeed will, give you a clearer
insight into me at this time.
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Once you absorb this letter, you
might be awfully worried that I
am going to be hurt. I have not
even started two or three
relationships because of that fear,
but this time I decided not to
hang back any more.
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C.: Growthability Consultants
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Well, I can't say any more,
except to affirm that I love you
and to sincerely hope that you
will not be too distraught at
what I have said in this letter.
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C.: Growthability Consultants
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By the way, Peter and Maree (my
brother and sister-in-law) know
about this, if you ever want to
discuss it with them.
Your Daughter, grid.
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C.: Growthability Consultants
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