Thomas Gordon
Austin Bellino
Background
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Born 1918
Received his Ph.D at University of Chicago
Created 50 articles and 9 books
Consultant for the 1970 White House
Conference for Children
• Created training workshops including:
– Parent Effectiveness Training
– Teachers Effectiveness Training
– Leader Effectiveness Training
P.E.T. and L.E.T.
Parent Effectiveness Training
• 1962
• Provides various
communication skills
• Will learn:
– How to talk to your children
so that they listen to you.
– How to listen to your children
so they feel genuinely
understood.
– How to resolve conflicts and
problems in your family so no
one loses.
Leader Effectiveness Training
• 1977
• Is geared towards
Companies
• Teaches a concrete set of
tools and skills that reduce
conflict in the workplace.
• With Role play, one-on-one
coaching, and small group
discussions.
Teachers Effectiveness Training
• 1974
• Recognizing the similarities found in
relationships between teacher/student and
parent/child.
• Essential communication and conflict
resolution skills.
• Will learn
– How the teacher can talk so that students will
listen.
– How to set classroom rules so that far less
enforcement is necessary.
Gordon Model
• Rejects the idea of punishment and rewards and also
that assertion of power has no intrinsic motivation.
• 1st called “Group Centered Leadership”
– Participative group problem solving.
– No true leader multiple leaders.
– Acceptance of the members.
• Later Gordon added 4 steps to the model
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Recognizing/ defining the problem
Diagnosing the problem
Making the decision
Accepting/carrying out the decision
Active Listening
• Skill of reflecting back the
meanings and feelings of
other people.
• Be sure that the individual is
being clearly understood.
• 2 way
• Empathic listening to
respond to their
children/student’s feelings
and problems.
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Thomas Gordon’s 12 Roadblocks
Ordering
Warning
Giving Advice
Persuading with logic
Preaching
Judging
Agreeing
Shaming
Interpreting
Reassuring
Questioning
Withdrawing
I-Message
• “What do we do when a child’s behavior
causes us a problem?”
• Basically means conflicting needs of the
individual.
– Ex: If a child decided to break all the chalk in the
classroom what would be your first act?
• Yell at the student?
• Punish the student?
• Shift Gears would now be the next step.
Behavior Window
• A graphic tool to help
people recognize how
to define problems
accurately, who "owns"
them, and how to solve
them.
• There will be times
when these needs come
into conflict
Implementing
1. Student A uses I-messages to
explain how he/she feels
about the present situation.
2. Student B practices active
listening while Student A
shares his/her feelings.
3. Student B uses I-messages to
explain how he/she feels
about the present situation.
4. Student A practices active
listening while Student B
shares his/her feelings.
5. Students A and B agree on a
common solution after their
discourse is complete.
Step 1: RED: use an I-message
to tell how you feel.
BLUE: Listen and retell what
you hear.
Step 2: RED: Suggest a solution.
BLUE: Listen and retell what
you hear.
Step 3: BLUE: Suggest a
solution.
RED: Listen and retell what you
hear.
Step 4: RED: Agree on a
solution.
BLUE: Agree on a solution.
Article
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Resisting, defying, being negative
Rebelling, disobeying, being insubordinate,
sassing
Retaliating, striking back, counterattacking,
vandalizing
Hitting, being belligerent, combative
Breaking rules and laws
Throwing temper tantrums, getting angry
Lying, deceiving, hiding the truth
Blaming others, tattling, telling on others
Bossing or bullying others
Banding together, forming alliances, organizing
against the adult
Apple-polishing, buttering up, soft-soaping,
bootlicking, currying favor with adults
Withdrawing, fantasizing, daydreaming
Competing, needing to win, hating to lose,
needing to look good, making others look bad
Giving up, feeling defeated, loafing, goofing off
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Leaving, escaping, staying away from home,
running away, quitting school, cutting classes
Not talking, ignoring, using the silent treatment,
writing the adult off, keeping one's distance
Crying, weeping; feeling depressed or hopeless
Becoming fearful, shy, timid, afraid to speak up,
hesitant to try anything new
Needing reassurance, seeking constant
approval, feeling insecure
Getting sick, developing psychosomatic ailments
Overeating, excessive dieting
Being submissive, conforming, complying; being
dutiful, docile, apple-polishing, being a goodygoody, teacher's pet
Drinking heavily, using drugs
Cheating in school, plagiarizing
References
• Gordon, Thomas, and Ph.D.. "How Children Really
React to Control - The Natural Child Project." The
Natural Child Project - Celebrating attachment
parenting and unschooling since 1996. N.p., n.d.
Web. 11 Oct. 2011.
<http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/thomas
• Gordon, Thomas, and Ph.D.. "Origins of the
Gordon Model." Home | Gordon Training
International. N.p., n.d. Web. 11 Oct. 2011.
<http://www.gordontraining.com/thomasgordon/origins-of-the-gordon-model/>.
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