What Should Have Happened…
• The Cycle (over and over and over again)
• “All those Yeses”
• Giving Voice
• Felt Safety
• Needs Met
• Preciousness!
What Our Kids Got….
• Neglect
• Abuse
• Stressful Pregnancy
• Difficult Birth
• Early Hospitalization
Fight
 Flight
 Freeze
 Note: obvious and not so obvious
behavioral fight, flight or freeze
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Earned Secure Attachment
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Sensory Integration
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Felt Safety

Addresses readiness
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Primes child for connection
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Proactive principles
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Physical Needs
› Physical Activity
› Nuerotransmitters
› Sensory Input

Physiological Needs
› Hydration
› Nutrition
› Deep Breathing

Ecological Needs
› Predictability
› Transitions
› Rituals/Artifacts
The Goal: CONNECTION
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Disarm your child’s fear response
Establish clear and sensitive parental authority
Provide a sensory-rich environment
Teach appropriate social skills
Support healthy brain chemistry
Help your child connect with his or her own
feelings
Forge a strong emotional bond between you
and your child

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Valuing Eye Contact
Authoritative Voice
(tone, volume,
cadence)
Healthy Touch
Behavioral Matching
Playful Interaction

Mindfulness
› Attunement/Aware
ness
› Calm Presence
› Creative Problem
Solving
› Flexible Responding

Life Value Terms

Behavioral Scripts
› Using Words
› Choices
› With Respect
› Compromise
› Accepting NO
› Redos
› Listen and Obey (1st
time)
 Prime
the Pump for Success
 Shared
 Time-In
 IDEAL
›
›
›
›
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Power: Wardens vs. Coaches
vs. Time-Out
Approach
Immediate (initiated within 3
seconds)
Direct (eye contact, proximity)
Efficient (least amount of force
necessary)
Action-based (physically led
through a “do-over”)
Leveled at behavior (NOT at the
child)
 Total
Voice Control
 Natural
& Logical Consequences
 Expectations
 Levels
of Response
›
Level 1 – mild challenge = use
playful engagement
›
Level 2 – moderate challenge =
firmly provide choices
(structured engagement)
›
Level 3 – strong challenge =
calming engagement/time-in
›
Level 4 – physical aggression =
protective engagement, ending
with positive reconnection
Alert
children to upcoming
activities; make their day as
predictable as possible
Give
appropriate choices for
shared control
Speak
Be
simply
an effective leader
Prevent
Don’t
Help
sensory overload
corner the child
identify safe people
Handle
Help
food issues gently
the child meet new
challenges
Be
approachable
Introduce
the child to new
environments
Don’t
catastrophize
Honor
emotions
Respect
your child’s story