Effective Listening
Judging
1. _______________________________________
When you tell people that their ideas or feelings are
wrong
____________,
you are saying in effect that you know
more than they do. If your ideas are drastically different
from theirs, they’ll either
argue
defend
________________
themselves (_____________)or
give up
on the conversation. Even positive judgments like, “You’re
the smartest student in class,” don’t work if the person
feel
you’re talking to doesn’t ______________
very smart.
Interrupting and interruptions
2. _____________________________________
are the most common cause of stalled
communication. It’s frustrating to be
interrupted in the middle of a sentence, and
when interruptions happen over and over
again, talking begins to feel like a
waste
time
___________
of __________.
Advising 3. _______________________________________
Few people enjoy getting unasked-for advice.
Statements that begin with, “Well, if I were you..,” or
red
“If you ask me..,” are like _________________
__________.
Advice-giving says, “I’m superior. I know
flags
better than you do.” Advice can also cause a person to
Powerless
feel ___________________
-- as though one can’t make
a good decision on one’s own.
Interpreting 4. _______________________________________
analyzing
Some people develop a habit of _______________
everything (including statements) to reveal “deeper
meanings.” When you interpret or analyze, you imply
an _______________________________
to accept the
unwillingness
speaker’s statements just as they are.
Dominating 5. _______________________________________
We all know how frustrating and annoying it is to be in a
conversation with someone who always has something
better
______________
and more interesting to say than we
dominate
do. In addition, when you ____________________
a
conversation, others are forced to use another
interrupting
communication stopper, _______________________,
just to get a word in.
Probing 6. _______________________________________
Asking a lot of questions (“Why did you go there?” or
“Who did you see?” or “What did he do?”) tends to put
defensive by requiring one to
the speaker on the ___________
explain every statement. More importantly, your
Away
from
questions may lead the speaker _________
_________
what one originally wanted to say. If you ask too many
controlling
questions, you are ____________________,
not
sharing
_________________
the conversation.
Challenging/Accusing/Contradicting
7. _______________________________________
There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to talk with
someone who _________________________
everything
challenges
you say, insists that your ideas are wrong, or states that
what happened was your fault.
Contradictions
________________________________
and
Accusations
____________________________
put the speaker on
defensive
the spot, and make the speaker _____________.
. _______________________________________
Criticizing/Name Calling/Put Downs
Don’t make sarcastic or negative remarks in response
criticism
to the things someone says. __________
Self-esteem
whittles away at ____________________.
Hardly
anyone wants to continue a conversation that’s
making them feel bad or small. Even name-calling
funny
and put-downs that sound _____________
can still
hurtful
be ____________________.
In the long run, they
damage
______________________
friendships.
 Listening is a very important part of
Good communication
_____________________.
Listed are characteristics of
a good listener. Check ones that describe you most of
the time.
 Good listeners try to understand the
meaning
_______________________
of the speaker’s words.
They also know that the speaker’s message is not just
spoken
in the __________________
words. They know that
other parts of the message are things like the
__________________
of voice, the expression on the
tone
face
speaker’s __________________,
and the speaker’s
body
posture
____________________and
______________________.
patient
 Good listeners are __________________________
listeners.
They don’t jump ahead and they give the speaker
time
listening
______________.
They concentrate on _____________________,
not on thinking about what the speaker is going to say next or
what they are going to say when the speaker is through. Good
Listeners look at the person who is talking.
 Good listeners know that the speaker’s
Feelings
_______________________
matter.
 They show an interest in what the speaker is saying. They put
opinions
aside their own ________________________________
for the
time being. They realize that they can’t pay attention to
someone else when they are thinking about themselves.
 When they respond, good listeners look for areas of
___________________________
and not weak spots (the
agreement
opposite of a debater).

 When they respond, good listeners do not
interrupt
________________________.
When they ask questions,
their purpose is to get more
information
__________________________________,
not set a trap for
the speaker.

 When they respond, good listeners clear up
misunderstandings
______________________before
beginning their own talk.
what
How something is said is often more important than _______ is
 _______
said.
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Communication specialists tell us that when we send a message:
55
_______% of the message is communicated through body language;
38 of the message is communicated through tone of voice; and
_______%
7
_______% of the message is communicated through words.
 Say it like it is. Remember that the same words don’t
bring the same picture to everyone’s mind. So to send
a clear message, be as
specific
_________________________and
descriptive
________________________________
as possible with
choose
the words you ____________________.
 Try to be sure inside yourself about the message
you want to send. Ask yourself, “What am I trying to
accomplish?” When you are sure about your message,
everything about your (your voice, tone, behavior, etc.)
Consistent
will be ___________________________________.
This
real
is sometimes called being “____________.”
feedback
 Ask for ______________________________________.
Suppose you’ve given a message to someone and you
want to be sure the person got it. You can check with
the person in lots of different ways. For example, you
can ask, “How do you feel about what I just said?”
 When you want to be understood, send a clear message by

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following these simple steps:
1. Ask to be listened to: “I’d like to talk to you.” Or “There’s something I
want to say.”
listener
2. Look directly at the ____________________.
3. Speak in a clear voice.
4. Be as specific as you can with your words. (It helps to think of what
you’ll say before you say it.)
5. Give clear Messages:
- Describe the situation
- State how you feel
- Describe what you want from the other person
6. Ask the listener if he or she understood what you said.
Thank the listener.
7. __________