“Dog Days of Summer” Proposal
To Radio and TV Networks.




I offer a humorous program for your listeners and viewers
this summer as therapy during the 20-40 days of extreme
high temperatures and humidity they will endure.
My Sam McGee persona knows Bitter Cold and offers a
refreshing psychological break and subliminal reminder of
the freezing cold we all experienced just 6 months ago.
My program contains 3 short stories and 150 jokes about
Bitter Cold and can be tailored to any country, state, region
or province. I work directly with your production engineer.
The material can be edited into 1-2 minute bites over a 3
hour talk show slot; or played in 4-5 minute segments over
daytime news or music slots; or played in succession for
late night audiences.
1
All the material is in my Trilogy book
available online at www.SamMcGee2010.com
April 13, 2015
2
The Trilogy contacts:
Sam McGee / Hong Bai Lan / Abdul Abulbul Amir
Author:
Internet
Contact
Phone
China:
Kuala Lumpur:
Denis Braun of Zug Switzerland
www.SamMcGee2010.com
denisbraun@hotmail.com
Skype: Megazebo.
158-00100253
603 2144-7628
Author / Concept: Denis Braun of Zug Switzerland
A Swiss-Canadian businessman
living in Asia
Sam Character:
Costume: Fur coat, hat, & boots.
Theme: Bitter Cold + 100 jokes
Published by:
Purgatory Press. KL Malaysia
3
Excerpts: Tale #1 Sam McGee is Bitter Cold


Sam McGee knows Biter Cold is a 1905 tale of friendship
between 2 trappers while dog sledding on the Dawson Trail in
Yukon Canada. It is Christmas week during the record cold
December of 1905 remembered across the North as the Year of
the Deep Freeze. Sam McGee falls ill and makes a last request to
his best friend Cap. Sam is always cold and always complains of
the cold penetrating his whole body. The poem can give you
goose pimples in the middle of summer!! Hence I believe I can
bring relief and a smile to your listeners suffering through the
Dog Days. The Complete poem is in the Appendix
2. Now, Sam McGee was from Tennessee
Where the cotton blooms and blows.
Why he left his home in the south to roam
Around the world, God only knows.
He was always cold, but the land of gold
Seemed to hold him like a spell,
Though he'd often say, in his homely way,
4
That he'd rather live in hell.
12. Then I took a hike, for I didn't like
To hear him sizzle so.
And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled,
And the winds began to blow.
It was Bitter Cold, but the hot sweat rolled
Down my cheeks, and I don't know why,
And Sam’s greasy smoke in an inky cloak
Went streaking down the sky.
13. I do not know how long in the snow
I wrestled with grisly fear.
But the stars came out, and they danced about
Until again I ventured near.
I was sick with dread, but I bravely said,
"I'll just take a peek inside.
I guess he's cooked, and it's time I looked",
And the door I opened wide.
14. And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm
In the heart of the furnace roar.
And he wore a smile you could see a mile,
But he said, "Please close the door.
You see it's fine in here, but I greatly fear
You'll let in the cold and the storm.
Since I left Peachtree down in Tennessee
It's the first time I've been warm."
April 13, 2015
5
Sam McGee, Cap, & Robert Service
Whitehorse Hotel Lobby 1903
Writer Robert Service
Cap the Trapper
Sam and his
trophy black bear
skin
April 13, 2015
6
Origin of the word “Cool”





We applaud Robert Service as the first writer in history to coin term “Cool”
in it’s modern context. (Appendix Stanza 14 line #1): “And there sat Sam
looking cool and calm in the heart of the furnace roar.” for the reader, it is
the perfect mental image of Sam looking composed, detached,
indestructible, philosophical, assured, coolheaded, placid, impassive,
quiet, low key, and nonchalant. Robert Service is the original and sole
inventor of “COOL”
In 1907, who could have known Cool would become an icon in global
verbal communication. To verify this discovery, I invite you to listen to
Robert Service himself reciting his own poem in a 75 year old CBC audio
tape at www.YouTube.com. Search Sam McGee
It’s my honor to expose this literary milestone and now I challenge literary
historians to prove otherwise.
As for Friendship? Well it appears to be the simple key cornerstone of
human society. It results from a majority of people adopting stern codes in
their behavior, performance, and expectations. Cool.
April 13, 2015
7
Inside the Cabin was Sam’s “Man Room”
Leather furniture, plank floors, saddle seat bar, moose head, log fireplace,
barber chair, bunk bed, poker table, antler coat rack, and his lead Husky.
April 13, 2015
8
Last photos of Sam taken by Cap
December 1905 on the Dawson Trail before he stuffed him into the boiler
fire of the wrecked fishing boat the “Alice May”. He preserved Sam’s coat.
April 13, 2015
9
Northerners see climate change as an
irreversible reality
The band between 20 and 50 degrees North latitude is home to 95%
of the 4,500,000,000 new people added to the Earth’s population
since 1800. Each needs an average of 400 tons of “support stuff” .
10
April
2015
No13,wonder
we drifting off our axis around the sun. Appendix.
Life is not all work in the North
Seal on the BBQ (Barbie in Australian) Sorry Pamela
April 13, 2015
11
The Culture of the North

Cultural Hook. Northerners (people living above or
below 40 degrees latitude) have many things in
common and some differences. But they ALL know
the feeling and sensation of Bitter Cold.

Moral Hook. There are 2 moral messages in the
Trilogy.


1. A friend’s last need is a thing to heed.
and
2. A promise made is a debt unpaid.
12
Cool Sunglasses
They are expensive fashion
items for trendy Southern
people.
Sunglasses are critical protection
for people above the Arctic Circles
to defend against intense ice glare
in summer.
April 13, 2015
13
Northern Art and Sculpture
April 13, 2015
14
Excerpts: Tale #2.

Hong Bai Lan from Chang Bai Shan
Hong Bai Lan from Chang Bai Shan is a 1910 parallel tale of
friendship between 2 adventuresome Chinese from the North who
escape the bitter cold of Winter for the sand beaches, palm trees,
warm winds, evening breezes, and miniskirts in the South of China.
It is a tale of endurance and ingenuity in a quest to fulfill Lan’s dying
request.
4. In Canton, the Western name for Guangzhou, they both quickly made
small fortunes; Dong as an export trader in Kangxi porcelain; and Lan
designing and building small house boats that plied the Pearl River. Both had
a common friend and client …. a medical doctor and political activist who
had just returned from Japan. His name? Sun Yat Sen. Lan built him a
custom river craft, and Dong catered to his hobby of collecting Qing dynasty
porcelain. Every month or two, Dr. Sun would cruise up to Guangzhou from
his home in Xiangshan (later Zhongshan 80km south of Guangzhou) and
happy times would prevail.
 11. Upon arrival in Harbin, Dong buys a horse cart; finds an ice factory; and
buys 2 huge rectangular blocks of clear ice (clear ice is made from distilled
water just as it is today to carve magnificent ice statues during the annual
Harbin Ice Festival). Then he chisels out the core; sandwiches Lan between
the two blocks; and wraps the entire ice coffin with layers of straw mats
from
15
April 13,
2015 the local wheat fields.

Lan and Dong with Sun Yat Sen
The exquisite vase on
the table stayed in
Yang Dong’s family
for years until his
great grandson had it
sold at auction in
England in 2010.
The winning bid was
$83,000,000 US
Dollars
April 13, 2015
16
Polar Swim: A New Years Day Tradition
Northerners are tough.
From Solo divers in Siberia Russia, to
massive revelers on Coney Island
New York, Harbin China, and
Vancouver Canada.
April 13, 2015
17
Cultural Hooks in the Tales






All Northerners know bitter cold no matter what their race,
culture, language, diet, skin color, or ethnic group.
Each Fall and Winter, we all spend countless hours
dreaming about how to escape the cold and go “South”
Combating cold is an integral part of Northern culture.
Nature can be life-threatening.
Hope and expectation surround each of the 4 seasons.
Temperature extremes mean a daily consciousness of
clothing options; and the weather is the opening topic in
most casual conversations.
For 4 winter months a year, white and grey are the
predominant outdoor colors. That’s why the Northern
Lights are so revered. Its like going to a drive-in movie
theatre every night without the hassle of a car !!!
April 13, 2015
18
Excerpt from Tale #3: Abdul Abulbul Amir
Abdul Abulbul Amir is a tale of a very awkward
friendship between 2 veteran legendary warriors of the
1854 Russian-Turk Crimean War.
25. "Well, you think I'm a coward?" said Ivan Skavar
"Step forth and I'll slice off your ear"
"Oh, son of a cat, you'll never do that"
Scowled Abdul Abulbul Amir.
26. So once more they battled and fought as before
As the multitudes returned from afar
And lauded with cheers these bold buccaneers
This Turk, and this Russian Hussar
15. And still today a Muscovite maiden her lone vigil keeps,
Beneath the light of the cold Northern star,
And the name that she murmurs in vain as she weeps,
Is Ivan Slavinsky Skavar.
19
Russia
Russia – Turkey
War in 1854. The
Black Sea divided
their land mass.
Turkey
April 13, 2015
20
Russian Hussars
April 13, 2015
21
Last photos of Abdul Abulbul Amir
and Ivan Slavinsky Skavar
April 13, 2015
22
Excerpts from track #4. Sam
telling 150 jokes about Bitter Cold
Sam McGee, How cold does it get in Edmonton ? It is so cold that when
you turn on the taps for your morning shower; it starts to hail !!!
Sam McGee, How cold does it get in New York ? It is so cold that the Port
Authority reconfigures the Statue of Liberty so that she is holding the torch
under her robes.
Sam McGee, How cold does it get in Toronto ? It is so cold that pet stores
only sell penguins and baby seals. !!!
Sam McGee, How cold does it get in Berlin ? It is so cold that the Four
Seasons hotel is just known as “Winter”.
Sam McGee, How cold does it get in Sapporo ? It is so cold that sushi is
placed into round dough, folded, crimped, and boiled as dumplings !!
April 13, 2015
23
Sam’s Dog Days Promotion
Personal visits by Sam McGee in full costume to client networks
and stations during the Dog Days.
A Tale of 3 Friendships: The Trilogy
Event
Date
Time
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
Interview or appearnce
minutes
10-40
Sam McGee Bitter Cold. Recite and Discuss
Jokes and Northern culture. Recite
Hong Bai Lan. Recite and Discuss
Abdul Abulbul Amir. Recite and Discuss
April 13, 2015
24
Appendix:
Complete track texts.
6-10 minutes each
April 13, 2015
25
Track #1 “Sam McGee knows Bitter Cold”
© Braun CH 2009 edited version from the Robert Service original.

1. There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who toil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lac Labarge
I cremated Sam McGee.

April 13, 2015
2. Now, Sam McGee was from Tennessee
Where the cotton blooms and blows.
Why he left his home in the south to roam
Around the world, God only knows.
He was always cold, but the land of gold
Seemed to hold him like a spell,
Though he'd often say, in his homely way,
That he'd rather live in hell.
26
3. On a Christmas day we were mushing our way
Over the Dawson Trail.
Talk of your cold --- through the parka's fold
It stabbed like a driven nail.
If our eyes we'd close, then the lashes froze
Until sometimes we couldn't see.
It wasn't much fun, but the only one
To whimper was Sam McGee.
4. And that very night as we lay packed tight
Against the dogs beneath the snow,
We all were fed, and the stars overhead
Were dancing heel and toe,
Sam turned to me, and "Cap", says he,
"I'll cash in this trip, I guess,
And if I do, I'm asking that you
Won't refuse my last request."
5. Well, Sam seemed so low that I couldn't say no,
And he says with a sort of moan,
"It's that cursed cold, and it's got right hold
Until I'm chilled clean through to the bone.
Yet not being dead, it's my awful dread
Of the ice cold grave that pains,
So I want you to swear that, foul or fair,
You'll cremate my last remains."
April 13, 2015
27
6. Well a pal's last need is a thing to heed,
And I swore that I would not fail.
So we started on at the streak of dawn,
But, God, he looked ghastly pale.
He crouched on his sleigh, and he raved all day
Of his home in Tennessee,
And before nightfall, a corpse was all
That remained of Sam McGee.
7. There wasn't a breath in that land of death
As I hurried, horror driven,
With a corpse half hid that I couldn't get rid
Because of a promise given.
It was lashed to the sleigh, and it seemed to say,
"You may tax your braun and your brains,
But you promised true, and it's up to you
To cremate these last remains."
8. Now, a promise made is a debt unpaid,
And the trail has its own stern code.
In the days to come, though my lips were dumb,
In my heart, how I cursed that load.
In the long, long night by the lone firelight
While the huskies around in a ring
Howled out their woes to the homeless snows
Oh, God, how I loathed that thing.
April 13, 2015
28
9. And every day that silent clay
Seemed to heavier and heavier grow.
And on I went, though the dogs were spent
And the grub was running low.
The trail was bad, and I felt half mad,
But I swore I would not give in,
And often I'd sing to that frozen thing,
And it hearkened with a grin.
10. Until I came to the marge of Lac LaBarge,
And a derelict there lay.
It was jammed in the ice, and I saw in a trice
It was called the "Alice May".
And I looked at it, and I thought a bit,
And I looked at my frozen chum,
Then, "Here", said I, with a sudden cry,
"Here Is my crem-a-tor-ium."
11. Some planks I tore from the cabin floor
And lit the boiler fire.
Some coal I found that was lying around
And heaped the fuel higher.
The flames just soared, and the furnace roared,
Such a blaze you seldom see.
Then I burrowed a hole in the glowing coal
And I stuffed in Sam McGee.
April 13, 2015
29
12. Then I took a hike, for I didn't like
To hear him sizzle so.
And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled,
And the winds began to blow.
It was Bitter Cold, but the hot sweat rolled
Down my cheeks, and I don't know why,
And Sam’s greasy smoke in an inky cloak
Went streaking down the sky.
13. I do not know how long in the snow
I wrestled with grisly fear.
But the stars came out, and they danced about
Until again I ventured near.
I was sick with dread, but I bravely said,
"I'll just take a peek inside.
I guess he's cooked, and it's time I looked",
And the door I opened wide.
14. And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm
In the heart of the furnace roar.
And he wore a smile you could see a mile,
But he said, "Please close the door.
You see it's fine in here, but I greatly fear
You'll let in the cold and the storm.
Since I left Peachtree down in Tennessee
It's the first time I've been warm."
April 13, 2015
30
15. There are strange things done under the midnight sun
By the men who toil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lac Lebarge
I cremated Sam McGee.
16. And even stranger things are done under the morning sun
By the men who Hunt for Seal;
The Newfoundland trails have their secret tales
That would make your gonads squeal;
The California Lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night in the Spa up in Snowbird Utah
I exfoliated Miss Pamela Lee.
Edited Version © Denis Braun CH 2009
Note: Exfoliate means sharing a hot steam bath and giving her a complete skin
message with glycerin soap and a slightly abrasive cloth to clean the pores
31
and remove all dead skin. This is the first step in the Sam McGee Total
Solution to keeping northerners warm all winter.
Epilogue to Sam McGee knows Bitter Cold


Cap raced back to Whitehorse and told his bank manager Robert
Service the whole story. He continued trapping for a few more years
Then assumed Sam’s identity and headed for California where he set
up a road construction company. He later retired to Canada and in
1940 he died and was buried in Beiseker Alberta just north of
Calgary.
Sam McGee never made it past Saint Peters Gates of Heaven. There
was a rumor circulating around Whitehorse during the Klondike gold
rush that Christmas week was the best time to “cash-in”. God would
be attending birthday parties all week and security would be slack.
No such luck for Sam. At the Gate, God personally denounced Sam
for using his last request so foolishly. Perhaps a plea for the
forgiveness of his sins was more appropriate. He received a light
sentence of 200 years in Purgatory and is currently on day parole
back on Earth entertaining people and teaching them how to stay
warm.
April 13, 2015
32
Cool





We applaud Robert Service as the first writer in history to coin term “Cool”
in it’s modern context. (Stanza 14 line #1): “And there sat Sam looking
cool and calm in the heart of the furnace roar.” for the reader, it is the
perfect mental image of Sam looking composed, detached, indestructible,
philosophical, assured, coolheaded, placid, impassive, quiet, low key, and
nonchalant. Robert Service is the original and sole inventor of “COOL”
In 1907, who could have known Cool would become an icon in global
verbal communication. To verify this discovery, I invite you to listen to
Robert Service himself reciting his own poem in a 75 year old CBC audio
tape at www.YouTube.com. Search Sam McGee
It’s my honor to expose this literary milestone and now I challenge literary
historians to prove otherwise.
As for Friendship? Well it appears to be the simple key cornerstone of
human society. It results from a majority of people adopting stern codes in
their behavior, performance, and expectations. Cool.
April 13, 2015
33
Track #2 Hong Bai Lan Prologue



Hong Bai Lan from Chang Bai Shan is a parallel tale of
friendship between 2 adventuresome Chinese from the
North who escape the bitter cold of Winter for the sand
beaches, palm trees, warm winds, evening breezes, and
miniskirts in the South of China.
Fortune is followed by bankruptcy; and they end up toiling
in the hot steel mills in Wuhan where Lan falls ill and
makes a last request to his best friend Yang Dong. It is a
tale of endurance and ingenuity in a quest to fulfill Lan’s
dying request. Like Sam’ McGee, the tale is not about the
main character or about death. It is a story of the
endurance and perseverance of a best friend to comply
with a last request. Two tales of two true friendships.
The moral: A promise made is a debt unpaid.
The Tale of Hong Bai Lan from Chang Bai Shan
Sole Author Denis Braun aka Sam McGee. © CH 2010
1. In the early 1900’s within the beautiful Chang Bai Shan forest in Jilin
Province China, roamed an adventuresome logger, ginseng farmer,
hunter, and outdoor enthusiast named Hong Bai Lan. He cut the tall
Korean pine, gathered ginseng, hunted wild boar, and photographed
Siberian tigers.
2. Although rugged in character, Lan always complained of being too hot
in Summer and too cold in Winter and dreamed of perpetual warmth and
a deep desire to live to the South of China …. the land of palm trees,
ocean breezes, loose cloths, sand beaches, endless summers, good jobs,
and of course miniskirts. The seaside held Lan in a spell.
3. Lan shared a passion for snow skiing with his best friend Yang Dong; a
cook and local restaurant owner. One bitter cold winter day, after hours
on the rope tow on the western slopes of Heaven Lake; they conspired to
finally embrace the Sun and leave the miserable cold North. That very
night they stowed away on the “Iron Dragon” steaming south to Beijing,
Tianjin, Jinan, Xuzhou, Nanjing, and Shanghai. There they got temporary
jobs in the kitchen of the Astor House hotel until they had money to
continue to Hangzhou and points south to Guangzhou in the Pearl River
Delta.
4. In Canton, the Western name for Guangzhou, they both quickly made
small fortunes; Dong as an export trader in Kangxi porcelain; and Lan
designing and building small house boats that plied the Pearl River. Both
had a common client …. a medical doctor and political activist who had
just returned from Japan. His name was Sun Yat Sen Lan built him a
custom river craft, and Dong catered to his hobby of collecting dynasty
porcelain. Every month or two, Dr. Sun would cruise up to Guangzhou
from his home in Xiangshan (later Zhongshan 80km south of
Guangzhou) and happy times would prevail.
5. Dong was so skilled with the abacus and so knowledgeable about
porcelain that within minutes into price negotiations with his European
buyers they were so confused they didn't know if they should scratch
their watch or wind (adjust) their ass !!! But in time, all their money was
stolen or evaporated as a result of gambling, drinking, playing Shweng
Bao Tai, and carousing with loose women. Eventually, bankrupt and
jobless, they wandered up to Wuhan …… the hottest City in central
China …. where they got factory jobs in the local steel mill.

6. Everyone knows that it is extremely hot in Wuhan, widely referred to
in Asia as the “furnace of China”. And Lan and Dong had the hottest job
stoking 1400 degree billets as they emerged from the foundry furnaces.
Lan hated extreme heat and constantly longed to return to his cool
homeland in the North of China.

7. One stifling hot day during the afternoon shift, Lan informs Dong
that he was feeling very sick and may soon die. If so, he asks Dong to
promise just two things: First, that each year on his birthday Dong is
to send sweets, scented tea, or flowers to Lan’s mother to express
gratitude for his birth; and second, promise to never let his body go
into the fire. In other words, make sure he is never cremated.!

8. Instead he asks Dong to take his hot body up to Heilongjiang
Province in the far north of China; encase him in a huge block of clear
ice; and sink him into the frigid cold waters of the Heilongjiang (Amur)
River ….. The same waters that flow north –west into Lake Baikal on
the Trans Siberian Railroad …. Baikal being the oldest, coldest,
largest, and deepest fresh water lake in the World. This way, Lan
could be cool in Paradise and comfortable for all of eternity!

9. Now a friend’s last request in life must be taken seriously, so Dong
agrees. But to his horror, the very next day Lan dies !!!! Suddenly,
Dong has no idea what to do. You see, in all Northern countries, a
promise made is like a debt unpaid. And each profession and each
culture has it’s own stern code. In sparsely populated areas of the
North, this unwritten code can save your life.



10. Suddenly Dong realizes that he made a big promise to his best
friend Lan ….. a promise that he must now keep. So he buys a large
steamer trunk; stuffs Lan inside; and sprinkles perfume and cinnamon
spice over his body. He then treks to the Wuhan train station and
buys a hard seat on the steam train bound for Harbin. For 6 days and
nights the train chugs through Zhengzhou, Beijing, Shenyang,
Changchun, and finally Harbin. And at every water stop Dong buys
fresh flowers and tosses them into the trunk to keep Lan smelling
fresh !!!
11. Upon arrival in Harbin, Dong buys a horse cart; finds an ice
factory; and buys 2 huge rectangular blocks of clear ice (clear ice is
made from distilled water just as it is today to carve magnificent ice
statues during the annual Harbin Ice Festival). Then he chisels out the
core; sandwiches Lan between the two blocks; and wraps the entire
ice coffin with layers of straw mats from the local wheat fields.
12. He proceeds to steer his horse cart north for 5 more days to the
Russian boarder and the coldest part of the Heilongjiang River. He
scouts the river bank and finds a shallow inlet and gently sinks Hong
Bai Lan into the ice cold water. Dong, now in tears, quickly returns to
the nearest village and gets enormously drunk on MaoTai (Baijiu) and
Harbin beer.

13. He awakes at noon the next day trembling with fear and decides to
return to the inlet to see if Lan has moved. To his surprise, he finds Lan
floating in the middle of the river on a raft he has assembled from the
straw mats. Incredible. There lays Lan merrily basking in the
afternoon sunshine and drinking cold beer from an open 10 pack.

14. Dong is horrified but Lan shouts to his pal that he is fine. : “My
friend Dong, you see, it’s fine out here but I greatly fear you’ll bring
heat and dust to my pool. Since I left Wuhan via Chang Bai Shan; it’s
the first time l have been cool. Thank you for honoring my last request
Dong; and I hope I have the opportunity to return the favor in another
life”. Dong smiles and thanks Lan for his trust. True friendship blooms.
15. Lan’s raft then drifts slowly away into the twilight around a bend in
the river and we see it approaching a derelict fishing boat in flames on
the shoreline. On board, is a robust and enthusiastic Sam McGee
waving to Lan. A friendship is about to begin in Paradise between two
spirits. One spirit from China and the other from North America. We
are witness to both a Beginning and an End as Dong returns to the
village, in silence, to search for a small shop that sells scented tea; and
to look for a new job. To Be Continued.
Epilogue

Yang Dong went on to a very successful business career in China
and became a legend in his time. His legacy continues and to this
day for if you visit the departure lounge in any airport in China you will
find groups of foreigners standing around chatting and scratching
their watches. Dong retired to a villa on a small tea plantation in the
green hills overlooking Xiamen.

As for Hong Bai Lan, every year around the middle of December his
frozen straw raft surfaces on the Heilongjiang River with Lan still
smiling and basking in his hard hat and jeans; and still drinking cold
beer from a 10 pack. The entire ice coffin is taken to Harbin and lies
in State in the main square for the annual Ice Festival. Tens of
thousands of people walk by and rub the clear ice for good luck,
bountiful fortune, and to renew their commitment to enjoy all 4
seasons in the North.
April 13, 2015
40
Abdul Abulbul Amir Prologue
Abdul Abulbul Amir is a tale of a very awkward and
latent friendship between 2 veteran legendary warriors of
the 1854 Russian-Turkish War. After reincarnation, they
meet on the street and one accidently steps on the toe of
his foe. Each processes a latent desire for friendship but
each is so ingrained with anger, hate, and revenge that
true friendship simply never has a chance to surface.
They cannot even agree on how to apologize to one
another. Their immortality is wound up in a vortex of
calm. confrontation, battle, death, reconciliation, (and a
repeat of the same) calm, confrontation, battle, death,
reconciliation, and calm again as the cycle becomes
perpetual. Sound familiar to anyone ??
April 13, 2015
41
Track #3: Abdul Abulbul Amir


1.The sons of the Prophet are brave men and bold
And quite unaccustomed to fear,
But the bravest by far; a Son of Abubakar,
Was Abdul Abulbul Amir.
2. If you wanted a man to encourage the van,
Or harass the foe from the rear,
There was never a doubt, you had only to shout
For Abdul Abulbul Amir.
3. Now the heroes were plenty and well known to fame
In the troops that were led by the Czar,
And the bravest of these was a man by the name
Of Ivan Slavinsky Skavar.

4. One day this bold Russian, he shouldered his gun
And donned his most truculent sneer,
Downtown he did go where he trod (stepped) on the toe
Of Abdul Abulbul Amir.
April 13, 2015
5. Young man, said Abdul, has life grown so dull
That you wish to end your career?
Vile infidel, know, you have trod on the toe
Of Abdul Abulbul Amir.
42
6. So take your last look at the sunshine and brook
And send your regrets to the Czar
For by this I imply, you are going to die,
Count Ivan Slavinsky Skavar,
7. Then the bold Mameluke drew his trusty skibouk,
Chanting, "Allah Allahu Akbar"
And with murderous intent he ferociously went
For Ivan Slavinsky Skavar.
8. They parried and thrust, they side-stepped and cussed,
And their blood was spilled quite a lot
The spectator blokes, who seldom crack jokes,
Say that hash was first made on that spot.
9. They fought all that night beneath the pale yellow moon;
The din, it was heard from afar,
And huge multitudes came, so great was the fame,
Of Abdul and Ivan Skavar.
April 13, 2015
10. As Abdul's long knife was extracting the life,
In fact he was shouting, "Hussar!"
He felt himself struck by that wily Calmuck,
Count Ivan Slavinsky Skavar.
43
11.The Sultan drove by in his red-breasted fly,
Expecting the victor to cheer,
But he only drew nigh to hear the last sigh,
Of Abdul Abulbul Amir.
12. Czar Petrovich too, in his spectacles blue,
Rode up in his new crested car.
He arrived just in time to exchange a last line,
With Ivan Slavinsky Skavar.
13.There's a tomb rises up where the Blue Danube flows,
And engraved there in characters clear,
Reads, "Stranger, when passing, please pray for the soul
Of Abdul Abulbul Amir."
14. A splash in the Black Sea one dark moonless night
Caused ripples to spread wide and far,
It was made by a sack fitting close to the back,
Of Ivan Slavinsky Skavar.
April 13, 2015
15. And today a Muscovite maiden her lone vigil keeps,
Beneath the light of the cold Northern star,
And the name that she murmurs in vain as she weeps,
Is Ivan Slavinsky Skavar.
44
And so ends this chapter in the aftermath of battle …. but wait
16. There is more is to be read of this battle we dread
Much more to explain near and far
It is long overdue; as this battle we renew
Between Abdul and Ivan Skavar.
And it all happened
17 By the shores of the Black Sea; where I wandered one night
The moon it was shining quite clear
For no reason at all I heard someone call
For Abdul Abulbul Amir
18. Now Abdul Abulbul I knew to be dead
The story had spread near and far
How he lost his own life while plunging his knife
Into Ivan Slavinsky Skavar
19. While I pondered …. the moonbeams descended quite low
Casting shadows profusely, and then
I discovered that I was standing right next to
The tombs of both of these two famous men
April 13, 2015
20. In the shadows of one tomb there rose from a grave
the form of a Russian Hussar
And my skin nearly peeled, as he stood there revealed
It was Ivan Slavinsky Skavar
45
21. It was he who was calling; I hardly dared breathe
As my heart stopped beating from fear
When out of the next grave, in need of a shave
Arose Abdul Abulbul Amir
22. "Would you speak with me Ivan?" said Abdul quite low
"I would" replied Ivan quite clear
"That quarrel we had, it was all to the bad
Friend Abdul Abulbul Amir“
23. “ I've lain here for ages with that on my mind
And that's why I called you tonight"
"Well, I'm in the same state", said Abdul the great
“It was foolish for the two of us to fight“
24. "Oh friend, thou art blameless", cried Ivan in haste
"The fault lies in my hands alone"
But Abdul said "No, it was never that way
The fault, it was clearly mine own“
April 13, 2015
25. "Well, you think I'm a coward?" said Ivan Skavar
"Step forth and I'll slice off your ear"
"Oh, son of a cat, you'll never do that"
Warned Abdul Abulbul Amir
46
26. So once more they battled and fought as before
The multitudes returned from afar
And lauded with cheers these bold buccaneers
This Turk, and this Russian Hussar
27. The ghost of the Czar on a fiery black steed
Came rushing to witness the fray
While the Sultan sat there in his royal golden chair
It was just like a scene from a play.
28. They dodged and they weaved without a reprieve
Save to piss and take high tea at 2:00.
Then return to the scrum with a swig of black rum
Pick a winner? It was all up to you.
29. When just at that moment each sword found its mark
And I heard a blood-curdling scream
I opened my eyes and to my great surprise
I discovered ……. it was only a dream.
To be continued
April 13, 2015
47
Epilogue to Abdul and Ivan

30. Epilogue: To this day, Abdul and Ivan continue to
reincarnate every 10 to 15 years. Just imagine; these two
fundamental orifices who can not even agree on a protocol to
apologize to one another !!!! For these characters, latent
friendship never will have a chance to surface. Around 1945,
both finally said “enough was enough” and each independently
decided to immigrate to Palestine !!!. However, the latest rumor
is that both are moving on to battle on the Korean peninsula.
April 13, 2015
48