Question 2
Aiming for Top Band
Step 1: READ THE QUESTION!
• 2 Re-read the descriptions of:
• (a) the appearance of the cloud and the atmosphere before the
storm, in paragraph 4, beginning ‘This afternoon . . .’
• (b) the rain and the wind in paragraph 7, beginning ‘I predicted . . .’
• Select words and phrases from these descriptions, and explain how
the writer has created effects by using this language.
Find Your Paragraphs
• Identify the two paragraphs you need.
• Draw a box around them so that you know exactly which
paragraphs you are analysing.
• Put key words near or next to them to remind you what you
need to write about.
• (a) the appearance of the cloud and the atmosphere before
the storm, in paragraph 4, beginning ‘This afternoon . . .’
• (b) the rain and the wind in paragraph 7, beginning ‘I
predicted . . .’
Focus!
Number your
paragraphs and
double check that
you have selected
the correct
paragraph to
analyse. Check the
first lines.
(a) the appearance of the cloud
and the atmosphere before the
storm, in paragraph 4, beginning
‘This afternoon . . .’
Make sure
you are only
writing
about what
they want
you to
discuss.
• This afternoon, a heavy bank of cloud hangs out to
sea. It has no anger yet, but is full of menace as if it is
waiting to roll steadily ashore. I have seen such a sight
only once before. I feel an atmosphere of tense
stillness. No breeze, no sound. But my eye is fixed on
that terrible bowl of blackness, as the light around me
begins to fail. In a way, I love to watch this. It awakens
my imagination as I experience the power of the
elements and realise how small I am on the great
canvas of nature.
None of this is relevant as it is
not about the clouds or the
atmosphere. You need to select
your phrases carefully.
The Mark Scheme – Aiming for Top Band
• Wide ranging discussion of language with some high quality
comments that add meaning and associations to words in both
parts of the question, and demonstrate the writer's reasons for
using them.
• Make sure that you are discussing a range of ideas (at least three) –
try not to be too repetitive.
• Consider the connotations of key words and link to their impact on
the reader.
• You need to discuss why the writer chose those words.
How to hit “wide ranging”
• In order to cover a wide range of language, try to
select:
• individual words to analyse, specifically looking
at connotations of particular words
• examples of figurative language e.g. metaphors
and explain the impact they have on the reader
The Mark Scheme – Aiming for Top Band
• May give an overview of the paragraph’s combined
effect.
• Consider giving a summarising statement after you
have analysed specific words.
• For example: Overall, the effect this paragraph has
on the reader is…
The Mark Scheme – Aiming for Top Band
• Comment on language features additional to
vocabulary.
• As well as analysing specific words, try to select an
example of metaphor, simile, personification etc.
The Mark Scheme – Aiming for Top Band
• Tackles imagery with some precision and
imagination.
• Make sure you select an example of imagery to
analyse.
Selecting Details
Paragraph 4: Clouds and Atmosphere
• This afternoon, a heavy bank of cloud hangs out to sea. It has no
anger yet, but is full of menace as if it is waiting to roll steadily
ashore. I have seen such a sight only once before. I feel an
atmosphere of tense stillness. No breeze, no sound. But my eye is
fixed on that terrible bowl of blackness, as the light around me
begins to fail. In a way, I love to watch this. It awakens my imagination
as I experience the power of the elements and realise how small I am
on the great canvas of nature.
Example
Select
specific
words and
discuss their
connotations
Make sure
cover every
part of the
question.
Use
terminology
and discuss
the image
they create.
The writer has used a number of effective words and images to describe
the clouds and the atmosphere.
The writer describes the appearance of the clouds as “heavy” and “full”
making it seem very large and threatening. By doing this, the writer is
trying to emphasise the power and strength of the clouds to the reader
to make the narrator seem more vulnerable.
Also, the writer builds up a sense of fear and anticipation for the reader
by describing the atmosphere as a “tense stillness.” The word “tense”
highlights to the reader that the atmosphere is something to be
frightened of as “tense” has connotations of fear and nervousness.
Furthermore, the appearance of the clouds as “waiting to roll steadily
in” personifies them and adds to the tension created by the description
of the atmosphere. This image makes the clouds appear to be
calculating their attack on the shore, reinforcing the idea that the clouds
and the storm are incredibly dangerous.
Overall, the main effect the writer has achieved with this description is
one of fear and threat.
Your Turn: (b) the rain and the wind in paragraph 7,
beginning ‘I predicted . . .’
• Make sure you are only selecting words and phrases that are about
the rain and the wind.
• I predicted this storm and it is the most magnificent I have ever known.
It has unleashed a swirling mass of water that no person could
withstand. I have attempted to confront this tempest, but it beats me
into a crouching apology of a man. The rain smashes itself against my
little house like a demented hail of shrapnel. I shout at the top of my
voice in defiance, but the elements drown me out. Behind the sheets of
rain, I see the frenzied waves rearing their heads against me. Although I
am afraid, the sight of such a monstrous sea always excites my very
being.
Spotting Devices
• Look at Paragraph 7 which begins “I predicted…”
• Can you find an example of:
• Metaphor
• Personification
• Simile
• They MUST be about the rain or the wind!
The Task: Explain how the writer has created
effects by using this language.
What effect do the devices you have identified
have on the reader?