Sentence Structure and
Punctuation
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp1
SENTENCE FRAGMENTS
• Is there a verb? If no, there is a sentence
fragment. NOTE: “Jumping,” “jumped,” “to jump”
cannot function as the verb in a sentence.
• Is there a subject? If no, there is a sentence
fragment.
• If the text begins with a subordinating word (e.g.
“although,” “when,” “while,” “before,” etc.)
without an independent clause, there is a
sentence fragment.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp2
TESTING FOR SENTENCE COMPLETENESS
Test the following sample sentences (1
– 5) for completeness and rewrite
any sentence fragments.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp3
SAMPLE SENTENCE #1
ORIGINAL: Friends taking turns at the rock
climb, helping and joking with each other.
PROBLEM: No verb; “taking” is a present
participle and cannot function as a main verb in
a sentence.
REVISED: Friends took turns at the rock climb,
helping and joking with each other.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp4
SAMPLE SENTENCE #2
ORIGINAL: She retold the story. A story recently
learned.
PROBLEM: No verb; “learned” is a past
participle.
REVISED: She retold the story, one she had
recently learned.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp5
SAMPLE SENTENCE #3
ORIGINAL: The deer stopped momentarily,
confused. Ran down the hall.
PROBLEM: No subject in second sentence.
REVISED: The deer stopped momentarily
confused, then ran down the hall.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp6
SAMPLE SENTENCE #4
ORIGINAL: The roster is studded with names that
will be feared by college wrestlers for years to
come. Names like Broderic Lee, two-time state
high school champion. Hiag Brown, returning
letterman.
PROBLEM: Last two sentences lack verbs.
REVISED: The roster is studded with names that
will be feared by college wrestlers for years to
come, like Broderic Lee, two-time state high
school champion, and Hiag Brown, returning
letterman.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp7
SAMPLE SENTENCE #5
ORIGINAL: Mom was sitting in her chair, in the
same posture as Casey. The only difference
being her gaze was fixed at a point about ten
feet in front of her face.
PROBLEM: No verb; “being” is substituted for a
verb in the second sentence.
REVISED: …The only difference was that her
gaze….
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp8
RUN-ON SENTENCES
• Run-on sentences occur when two
sentences are incorrectly joined.
• Examples:
– SENTENCE, SENTENCE (comma splice)
– SENTENCE SENTENCE (fused sentence)
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp9
ACCEPTABLE SENTENCE JOINS
•
•
•
•
•
SENTENCE, AND SENTENCE. (comma
+ coordinating conjunction (“and,” “or,”
“but”))
SENTENCE; SENTENCE. (semicolon)
IF-CLAUSE, SENTENCE. (turn one
sentence into a subordinate clause)
SENTENCE IF-CLAUSE. (“ “)
SENTENCE. SENTENCE. (leave as two
sentences)
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp10
REVISING TO AVOID COMMA SPLICES AND
FUSED SENTENCES
Review the following sample sentences
(6 – 10) and rewrite any comma
splices or fused sentences.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp11
SAMPLE SENTENCE #6
ORIGINAL: At first my Japanese was very poor
and communication was slow but with practice
my Japanese improved rapidly.
PROBLEM: Fused sentence. Correct by using
“but” to subordinate
REVISED: At first my Japanese was very poor
and communication was slow, but with practice
my Japanese improved rapidly.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp12
SAMPLE SENTENCE #7
ORIGINAL: The program uses no tax dollars, it
is a private program which follows the new
direction for space development set by the
president.
PROBLEM: Comma splice.
REVISED: The program uses no tax dollars. It is
a private program which follows the new
direction for space development set by the
president.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp13
SAMPLE SENTENCE #8
ORIGINAL: She was not able to admit she was
an alcoholic in fact she did not even think she
had a problem.
PROBLEM: Fused sentence.
REVISED: She was not able to admit she was
an alcoholic; in fact, she did not even think she
had a problem.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp14
SAMPLE SENTENCE #9
ORIGINAL: It was time-consuming but that
didn’t seem to matter we started to enjoy the
rides, and it brought us closer.
PROBLEM: Comma splice and fused sentence.
REVISED: It was time-consuming, but that didn’t
seem to matter. We started to enjoy the rides,
and it brought us closer.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp15
SAMPLE SENTENCE #10
ORIGINAL: I hit him and he bled.
PROBLEM: Fused sentence. NOTE: Many
writers would not add a comma to this sentence
because the two independent clauses are very
short.
REVISED: I hit him, and he bled.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp16
FAULTY PREDICATION
• Occasionally, by the time you get to the end of a
sentence, you have forgotten how it started. The
result can be faulty predication, which occurs
when the subject and the predicate of the
sentence do not make sense together.
• The most common causes of these errors are:
– Using the linking verb “to be.”
– Using “is when” or “is where” when not speaking of a
time or place.
– Redundancy: “the reason is…because.”
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp17
REVISING FOR FAULTY PREDICATION
Review the following sample sentences
(11- 16) and revise for faulty
predication.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp18
SAMPLE SENTENCE #11
ORIGINAL: Voters, divided over income tax
cuts, represented considerable savings for the
wealthy.
PROBLEM: “Voters” don’t “represent” savings;
tax cuts do.
REVISED: Voters were divided over income tax
cuts, which represented considerable savings
for the wealthy.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp19
SAMPLE SENTENCE #12
ORIGINAL: “Burnout” is when employees have
so much work that they have no time to relax.
PROBLEM: “Burnout” is a psychological state,
not a time “when…”
REVISED: “Burnout” is a psychological state
that occurs when employees have so much
work that they have no time to relax.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp20
SAMPLE SENTENCE #13
ORIGINAL: The reason he failed the exam was
because he didn’t study.
PROBLEM: Redundant: used “reason” and
“because.”
REVISED: The reason he failed the exam was
that he didn’t study.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp21
SAMPLE SENTENCE #14
ORIGINAL: Dramatic irony is where the
audience knows something more than, or other
than, the character.
PROBLEM: “Dramatic irony” is not a place.
REVISED: Dramatic irony occurs when the
audience knows something more than, or other
than, the character.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp22
SAMPLE SENTENCE #15
ORIGINAL: By analyzing his business records
carefully suggests he is guilty of fraud and
income tax evasion.
PROBLEM: “By analyzing” cannot function as
the subject.
REVISED: Analyzing his business records
carefully suggests he is guilty of fraud and
income tax evasion.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp23
SAMPLE SENTENCE #16
ORIGINAL: This new information asks some
important questions about the reliability of the
research team’s original findings.
PROBLEM: Information doesn’t ask - people do.
REVISED: This new information suggests some
important questions about the reliability of the
research team’s original findings.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp24
REVISING FOR SHIFTS OF VERB TENSE
Review the following sample sentences
(17- 22) and eliminate inappropriate or
illogical verb tenses.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp25
SAMPLE SENTENCE #17
ORIGINAL: Many times I became so frustrated
with the workload that I just want to give up,
especially during midterms or finals when the
tension is at its peak.
PROBLEM: “Became” is past tense; “want” and
“is” are present tense.
REVISED: Many times I became so frustrated
with the workload that I just wanted to give up,
especially during midterms or finals when the
tension was at its peak.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp26
SAMPLE SENTENCE #18
ORIGINAL: The survey indicated that both men
and women liked the ads more when the models
are attractive.
PROBLEM: “Indicated” and “liked” are past
tense; “are” is present tense.
REVISED: The survey indicated that both men
and women liked the ads more when the models
were attractive.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp27
SAMPLE SENTENCE #19
ORIGINAL: My Psychology professor, Dr.
Hayes, wanted his students to establish realistic
goals that are not too hard.
PROBLEM: “Wanted” is past tense; “are” is
present tense.
REVISED: My Psychology professor, Dr. Hayes,
wants his students to establish realistic goals
that are not too hard.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp28
SAMPLE SENTENCE #20
ORIGINAL: Kael feels that Kovac’s shots were a
little too harsh for a comedy, and she had mixed
feelings about the characters.
PROBLEM: “Feels” is present tense; “were” and
“had” are past tense.
REVISED: Kael feels that Kovac’s shots are a
little too harsh for a comedy, and she has mixed
feelings about the characters.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp29
SAMPLE SENTENCE #21
ORIGINAL: I found myself slipping into a fantasy
world, where there are two minutes left in the
championship game.
PROBLEM: “Found” is past tense; “are” is
present tense.
REVISED: I found myself slipping into a fantasy
world, where there were two minutes left in the
championship game.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp30
SAMPLE SENTENCE #22
ORIGINAL: What should she have done when
she finds herself wealthy, having inherited her
grandfather’s fortune?
PROBLEM: “have done” and “having inherited”
are past tense; “finds” is present tense.
REVISED: What should she have done when
she found herself wealthy, having inherited her
grandfather’s fortune?
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp31
ELIMINATING SHIFTS IN PERSON OR NUMBER
Review the following sample sentences
(23 - 28) and eliminate shifts in person
or number.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp32
SAMPLE SENTENCE #23
ORIGINAL: For a person to find adequate day
care, they may have to pay $500 or more per
month.
PROBLEM: “Person” is singular; “they” is plural.
REVISED: For a couple to find adequate day
care, they may have to pay $500 or more per
month.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp33
SAMPLE SENTENCE #24
ORIGINAL: I’d like to work outside the home,
but you wonder if you will be able to handle the
additional stress.
PROBLEM: “I” and “you” are not the same
person.
REVISED: I’d like to work outside the home, but
I wonder if I would be able to handle the
additional stress.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp34
SAMPLE SENTENCE #25
ORIGINAL: When one makes a few phone calls
to day-care operations, you find they have long
waiting lists.
PROBLEM: “One” and “you” are not the same
person.
REVISED: When one makes a few phone calls
to day-care operations, one finds they have long
waiting lists.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp35
SAMPLE SENTENCE #26
ORIGINAL: People who have to deal with a bad
child-care situation make a preoccupied and
unproductive worker.
PROBLEM: “People” is plural; “a… worker” is
singular.
REVISED: People who have to deal with a bad
child-care situation make preoccupied and
unproductive workers.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp36
SAMPLE SENTENCE #27
ORIGINAL: Industry has been slow to learn that
they benefit from subsidizing child care.
PROBLEM: “Industry has” is singular; “they” is
plural.
REVISED: Industries have been slow to learn
that they benefit from subsidizing child care.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp37
SAMPLE SENTENCE #28
ORIGINAL: Most parents would breathe easier if
child care attracted more qualified employees,
but if you work in a day-care center now you
probably make close to minimum wage.
PROBLEM: “Employees” is plural; “you” is
singular.
REVISED: Most parents would breathe easier if
child care attracted more qualified employees,
but those who work in day-care centers now
make close to minimum wage.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp38
REVISING FOR AGREEMENT WITH INDEFINITE
PRONOUNS
Review the following sample sentences
(29 - 33), revising for agreement with
indefinite pronouns.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp39
SAMPLE SENTENCE #29
ORIGINAL: Some of the marbles is lost.
PROBLEM: “Some” is plural; “is” is singular.
NOTE: “Some,” “none,” “most,” “any” and “all”
can be singular or plural, depending on the
context. Since the “marbles” to which “some”
refers can be counted, the pronoun is regarded
as plural in this sample.
REVISED: Some of the marbles are lost.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp40
SAMPLE SENTENCE #30
ORIGINAL: Some of the soup is gone.
PROBLEM: None. “Some” and “is” are both
appropriately singular.
NOTE: Soup cannot be counted, so here the
pronoun “some” is treated as singular.
REVISED: Some of the soup is gone.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp41
SAMPLE SENTENCE #31
ORIGINAL: Everybody in the whole stadium was
confident that they had the winning ticket.
PROBLEM: “Everybody” and “was” are singular;
“they” is plural.
NOTE: “Everybody” is always singular. Think
“every single body.”
REVISED: Everybody in the whole stadium was
confident that he or she had the winning ticket.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp42
SAMPLE SENTENCE #32
ORIGINAL: Each of the local runners were
proud of their times.
PROBLEM: “Each” is singular; “were” and “their”
are plural.
NOTE: “Each” is always singular. Think “each
one.”
REVISED: Each of the local runners was proud
of his or her time.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp43
SAMPLE SENTENCE #33
ORIGINAL: I don’t know any who were
disappointed.
PROBLEM: None. “Any” and “were” are plural.
NOTE: “Any” refers to individuals - who can be
counted - so it is plural.
REVISED: I don’t know any who were
disappointed.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp44
COLLECTIVE NOUNS
• A collective noun names a group of people
or things.
• When the group acts as a single unit, use
a singular verb or pronoun.
• When the group members can function
separately, use a plural verb or pronoun.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp45
REVISING FOR AGREEMENT WITH
COLLECTIVE NOUNS
Review the following sample sentences
(34 - 39), revising for agreement with
collective nouns.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp46
SAMPLE SENTENCE #34
ORIGINAL: During the summer, the faculty is
engaged in various forms of recreation and
research.
PROBLEM: “Faculty” is plural (faculty members
are acting as individuals); “is” is singular.
REVISED: During the summer, the faculty are
engaged in various forms of recreation and
research.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp47
SAMPLE SENTENCE #35
ORIGINAL: At halftime the band march onto the
field.
PROBLEM: “Band” is singular (band acts as one
entity); “march” is plural.
REVISED: At halftime the band marches onto
the field.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp48
SAMPLE SENTENCE #36
ORIGINAL: At commencement each year, the
faculty awards at least one honorary doctorate to
distinguished alumni.
PROBLEM: None. “Faculty” and “awards” are both
singular. Faculty is singular here because it is
acting as a group.
REVISED: At commencement each year, the
faculty awards at least one honorary doctorate to
distinguished alumni.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp49
SAMPLE SENTENCE #37
ORIGINAL: At the first hint of rain, the band
donned their slickers.
PROBLEM: None. “Band” and “their” are both
plural. The band is plural here because members
are acting as individuals.
REVISED: At the first hint of rain, the band
donned their slickers.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp50
SAMPLE SENTENCE #38
ORIGINAL: The Committee takes pride in their
insistence that graduates attain a high level of skill
in writing.
PROBLEM: “Committee” is singular; “their” is
plural.
REVISED: The Committee takes pride in its
insistence that graduates attain a high level of skill
in writing.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp51
SAMPLE SENTENCE #39
ORIGINAL: The team wants to express its
appreciation to the league for the excellent job of
scheduling this year.
PROBLEM: None. “Team wants” and “its” are
singular. Team is acting as one.
REVISED: The team wants to express its
appreciation to the league for the excellent job of
scheduling this year.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp52
REVISING FOR VAGUE PRONOUN
REFERENCE
Review the following sample sentences
(40 - 44), revising for vague pronoun
reference. Make sure each pronoun
refers to a single, definite antecedent.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp53
SAMPLE SENTENCE #40
ORIGINAL: Randy told Dan that a soccer player
really should practice more than he did.
PROBLEM: Pronoun should refer to a single
antecedent. This problem often occurs when
using “said” or “told.”
REVISED: Randy told Dan, “A soccer player
really should practice more than I do.”
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp54
SAMPLE SENTENCE #41
ORIGINAL: Coach Corum carefully demonstrated
the proper kick: with the side of the foot - inside or
outside - rather than the toes. This improved the
quality of play almost immediately.
PROBLEM: Vague use of “this.” Problem also
often occurs when using “that.”
REVISED: Coach Corum carefully demonstrated
the proper kick: with the side of the foot - inside or
outside - rather than the toes. This demonstration
improved the quality of play almost immediately.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp55
SAMPLE SENTENCE #42
ORIGINAL: It is true that when it rains, soccer
players ignore it.
PROBLEM: There are three acceptable uses of
“it,” but they should not be mixed within a single
sentence.
REVISED: True soccer players generally ignore
rain.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp56
SAMPLE SENTENCE #43
ORIGINAL: When one makes contact with the
ball, you should keep after it.
PROBLEM: Use of “you.” Avoid “you” in formal
writing.
REVISED: When one makes contact with the ball,
one should keep after it.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp57
SAMPLE SENTENCE #44
ORIGINAL: Younger children, that do not
understand the concept of “playing a position,”
play what might more accurately be called “bunch
ball.”
PROBLEM: “That” is generally used only in
restrictive clauses.
REVISED: Younger children, who do not
understand the concept of “playing a position,”
play what might more accurately be called “bunch
ball.”
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp58
REVISING FOR MISPLACED MODIFIERS
Review the following sample sentences
(45 - 50), revising for misplaced
modifiers.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp59
SAMPLE SENTENCE #45
ORIGINAL: Chris bought a sailboat from a friend
with three sets of sails.
PROBLEM: Statement seems to assert that the
friend (not the boat) had three sets of sails.
REVISED: Chris bought a sailboat with three sets
of sails from a friend.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp60
SAMPLE SENTENCE #46
ORIGINAL: When buying a boat, a number of
factors must be considered: moorage,
maintenance and storage costs.
PROBLEM: Dangling modifier - often seen with an
abstract subject and a passive verb.
REVISED: When buying a boat, one must
consider a number of factors: moorage,
maintenance and storage costs.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp61
SAMPLE SENTENCE #47
ORIGINAL: Having read about sailing extensively,
Lynn had some idea of what to expect.
PROBLEM: Misplaced “extensively” modifier.
REVISED: Having read extensively about sailing,
Lynn had some idea of what to expect.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp62
SAMPLE SENTENCE #48
ORIGINAL: She nearly knew everything she
needed to know to become a boat owner.
PROBLEM: Limiting words do not come right after
the words they modify.
REVISED: She knew nearly everything she
needed to know to become a boat owner.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp63
SAMPLE SENTENCE #49
ORIGINAL: There is a difference, however,
between being a boat owner and being a sailor
that is critical.
PROBLEM: Clause that modifies “difference” does
not come right after it.
REVISED: There is a difference that is critical,
however, between being a boat owner and being a
sailor.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp64
SAMPLE SENTENCE #50
ORIGINAL: The first time she went sailing, shifting
winds caused the boom to suddenly and without
any advance warning whatever swing across the
deck, hitting her head.
PROBLEM: Awkward split infinitive; also “advance
warning” is redundant.
REVISED: The first time she went sailing, shifting
winds caused the boom to swing suddenly and
without any warning whatever, across the deck,
hitting her head.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp65
REVISING FOR COMMA PROBLEMS
Review the following sample sentences
(51 - 55), revising for common comma
problems.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp66
SAMPLE SENTENCE #51
ORIGINAL: There are two items no self-respecting
gentleman farmer can be without: a tractor, and a
pickup truck.
PROBLEM: Used comma with a coordinating
conjunction linking two words, phrases or clauses.
REVISED: There are two items no self-respecting
gentleman farmer can be without: a tractor and a
pickup truck.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp67
SAMPLE SENTENCE #52
ORIGINAL: He may have some reason for
spending more than $10,000 to buy a new truck,
but, chances are he will find one that is used.
PROBLEM: Inserted comma after the coordinating
conjunction, “but,” that links two independent
clauses.
REVISED: He may have some reason for
spending more than $10,000 to buy a new truck,
but chances are he will find one that is used.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp68
SAMPLE SENTENCE #53
ORIGINAL: Finding a truck, that costs less than
$1500 but doesn’t burn oil, is a challenge.
PROBLEM: Used comma to set off nonrestrictive
modifier. Didn’t use a comma in a number larger
than 999.
REVISED: Finding a truck that costs less than
$1,500 but doesn’t burn oil is a challenge.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp69
SAMPLE SENTENCE #54
ORIGINAL: The battered, farm pickup is as allAmerican as Mom’s, apple pie.
PROBLEM: Used comma between adjectives that
are not coordinate adjectives.
REVISED: The battered farm pickup is as allAmerican as Mom’s apple pie.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp70
SAMPLE SENTENCE #55
ORIGINAL: Being more than a decade old, having more
than 100 thousand miles on the odometer, and boasting at
least a dozen dents, are predictable attributes of a truck in
this category but the gun rack is optional.
PROBLEM: Comma used after the last item in a series;
comma is needed before the coordinating conjunction
linking two independent clauses.
REVISED: Being more than a decade old, having more
than 100 thousand miles on the odometer, and boasting at
least a dozen dents are predictable attributes of a truck in
this category, but the gun rack is optional.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp71
REVISING FOR CORRECT USE OF THE
SEMICOLON
Review the following sample sentences
(56 - 60), revising for correct use of the
semicolon.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp72
SAMPLE SENTENCE #56
ORIGINAL: One unusual development in the U.S. Senate is that three
senators in mid-career have simply thrown in the towel, deciding not to
run again; Senators Paul Tribe, Republican from Virginia, Lawton
Chiles, Jr., Democrat from Florida, and Daniel J. Evans, Republican
from Washington.
PROBLEM: Used a semicolon (rather than a colon) to introduce a list
and a comma (rather than a semicolon) to separate items in a series
when those items contain a comma.
REVISED: One unusual development in the U.S. Senate is that three
senators in mid-career have simply thrown in the towel, deciding not to
run again: Senators Paul Tribe, Republican from Virginia; Lawton
Chiles, Jr., Democrat from Florida, and Daniel J. Evans, Republican
from Washington.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp73
SAMPLE SENTENCE #57
ORIGINAL: Evans has argued that the reason for this
unprecedented desertion of public life is that being a
senator is not as gratifying as one might expect, instead it
is “six years of frustrating gridlock.”
PROBLEM: Did not use a semicolon to separate
independent clauses joined by a conjunctive adverb.
REVISED: Evans has argued that the reason for this
unprecedented desertion of public life is that being a
senator is not as gratifying as one might expect; instead it
is “six years of frustrating gridlock.”
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp74
SAMPLE SENTENCE #58
ORIGINAL: Senators resorted to filibustering, a stalling
tactic, only nineteen times in the twenty-five-year period
ending in 1965; but since then there have been 115
filibusters.
PROBLEM: None. Appropriately used a semicolon
between two independent clauses joined by a conjunction
when the clauses are long and contain commas.
REVISED: Senators resorted to filibustering, a stalling
tactic, only nineteen times in the twenty-five-year period
ending in 1965; but since then there have been 115
filibusters.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp75
SAMPLE SENTENCE #59
ORIGINAL: Because of frequent roll-call votes; it
is difficult for a senator to plan his or her day.
PROBLEM: Used a semicolon between a
dependent clause and an independent clause.
REVISED: Because of frequent roll-call votes, it is
difficult for a senator to plan his or her day.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp76
SAMPLE SENTENCE #60
ORIGINAL: Senators once spent a good deal of
time with their constituents, now they rarely get
out of Washington.
PROBLEM: Used a comma to join two closely
related independent clauses.
REVISED: Senators once spent a good deal of
time with their constituents; now they rarely get
out of Washington.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp77
GUSTAVE CAILLEBOTE’S PARIS, A RAINY
DAY
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp78
SPRINGBOARD FOR EDITING
• Attention to detail is an important part of the
creative process. No detail is too small for artists
who want their work taken seriously.
• Here the French impressionist painter Gustave
Caillebotte (1848-1894) pays attention to detail.
As in good descriptive writing, the kind of detail
that gets attention is sensory detail.
• To which of the five senses does the painter
appeal in his attempt to evoke the feel of a rainy
day in Paris?
• Which details of the painting seem to you to
contribute to this overall effect?
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp79
EDITING
• An important kind of attention to detail
comes into play when we edit.
• We are trying to eliminate any glitch in
sentence structure, grammar, spelling or
punctuation that will jar or distract our
readers by diverting their attention to
unorthodox or incorrect features of our
language.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp80
EDITING PRACTICE
• The following paragraph was written in
response to the question:
– “To which senses does Caillebotte appeal in
order to convey the feel of a rainy day in
Paris?”
• First read the entire paragraph.
• Then edit the passage, fixing anything that
needs fixing.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp81
SAMPLE PARAGRAPH #1
In his painting of a rainy day in Paris at least three
senses are addressed. There are obvious visual
cues. Everyone carries shiny umbrellas. On a rainy
day, when their’s barely enough sun to cast
shadows. One might expect to be gray. This is
what you get here. Grey predominates. Buildings,
streets, umbrellas, even the people’s dress is grey
shading into black. The only exceptions are the
flesh tones of the hands and faces and the reds
and greens of the building on the right, and even
these are muted, less brilliant than it would appear
on a rainy day. People must be a little chilly, they
are bundled up in coats. The man in left center…
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp82
SAMPLE PARAGRAPH #1 (con’t)
… is walking briskly and hunkering down under his
umbrella. As if he wants to get there rather than
look around. The couple in the foreground are the
only people comfortable enough to take in their
surroundings. Everything about the painting is
rough. To be sure, the weather is rough. But so is
the setting. From the jagged building in the back
ground to the paving stones of the foreground.
Umbrellas, cobblestones and sidewalks are all
slick with rain and water puddles up between the
cobbles. With a little imagination, we can hear the
splash of feet on wet pavement and the rattle of
carriages over stones.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp83
EDIT AGAIN
• One good general editing principle is that when the piece
you are editing contains a number of errors, you
probably aren’t going to catch them all in a single pass.
• Edit the passage again with the help of the following
checklist. Check for:
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
Sentence fragments, comma splices or fused sentences.
Awkward shifts in person, number, tense.
Misplaced or dangling modifiers.
Incorrect verb forms; subject-verb agreement.
Clear and correct pronoun-antecedent references.
Correct possessive forms.
Spelling, punctuation, capitalization, etc.
© 2003 Prentice Hall
ssp84