PERSUASIVE ESSAY
Adding Evidence and Commentary
TABLE OF CONTENTS IN YOUR WRITING
JOURNAL
Persuasive Writing
 Persuasive Thesis
 Persuasive Evidence
 Persuasive Commentary

1
2
3
4
PERSUASIVE EVIDENCE



If your thesis is what will be discussed during your whole
argument- Mom, I need to tell you that even though you want
me to finish all of my homework before going to the dance, I
think I should be able to go no matter what because I helped
clean the house and I am getting A’s in all of my classes.
And your topic sentences represent your reasons why (you
should be allowed to go to the dance)- I understand why you
want me to finish all of my homework before going to the
dance; I helped clean the house; I am doing excellent in all of
my classes.
Your evidence provides proof to back up your argument- I will
only have two hours on Sunday to finish all of my homework
and I will not get home from the dance until 10:30 tonight OR
I spent four hours on Wednesday evening cleaning the house
up for you, OR on PowerSchool all of my grades show up as
90% or above.
PERSUASIVE EVIDENCE

Evidence must…

directly support your topic sentence and thesis statement

prove your argument

Example:







Thesis
Even though Curley’s wife was just lonely and did not understand Lennie’s potential
danger, Curley’s wife is to blame for her own death because she tried flirting as a
way to conquer her loneliness, and continued to scream even after Lennie told her
to stop.
TS: #1 (Opposing argument)
T.S. #1: Some may believe that Curley’s wife died by Lennie’s hands alone because it
was her loneliness that drove her to find companionship with Lennie and she did
not fully understand his potential danger.
Evidence:
“I get lonely […] you can talk to people , but I can’t talk to nobody but Curley”
(Steinbeck 87).
Note: If you cannot find evidence that supports your T.S. and thesis, you
may have to change them. Do not try to make them work!
INTEGRATING YOU EVIDENCE INTO YOUR
PAPER


Your evidence must be imbedded (a part of your
sentence)
Example:


As Curley’s wife entered into the barn she became angry at
Lennie for not speaking to her and exclaimed, “I get lonely
[…] you can talk to people, but I can’t talk to nobody but
Curley” (Steinbeck 87).
NO “SAID”!!!! Try and find other words to go in place
of the dreaded “said”.

stated, exclaimed, demanded, roared, claimed,
questioned… (this word should depict the tone of the
character)
PERSUASIVE COMMENTARY



The goal of commentary is to explain the
significance of your evidence and persuade your
audience to side with you.
Cannot be a summary of the novel or a recap of
your evidence.
What about for your opposing argument?

Commentary should explain the significance of the
opposing side (as much as you do not agree with that
side, I am sure there is some strength to their
argument)
EXAMPLE

Thesis


TS: #1 (Opposing argument)


T.S. #1: Some may believe that Curley’s wife died by Lennie’s hands alone
because it was her loneliness that drove her to find companionship with
Lennie and she did not fully understand his potential danger.
Evidence:


Even though Curley’s wife was just lonely and did not understand Lennie’s
potential danger, Curley’s wife is to blame for her own death because she
tried flirting as a way to conquer her loneliness, and continued to scream
even after Lennie told her to stop.
“I get lonely […] you can talk to people , but I can’t talk to nobody but
Curley” (Steinbeck 87).
Commentary:

Because all of the men at the ranch are afraid of getting “canned” by Curley,
all of them shun Curley’s wife when she comes to visit with them. She feels
alone on a farm with all men and nobody to talk to. She is merely trying to
find solace as she comes into the barn with Lennie because she knows he is
an outcast much like herself. She feels he is harmless and even resorts to
calling him a “big baby”. She foresees no danger when interacting with
Lennie and only hopes that he may actually listen to her dreams.
PUTTING YOUR BODY PARAGRAPHS
TOGETHER
I. Topic sentence


Must also be stated in your thesis
Must connect to your evidence
II. Second sentence: provides context for your evidence

Sets up the when, where, and who of the quote you will use
III. Third sentence: is a strong piece of evidence that
supports your refutation(and thesis)

Directly taken from the text with correct parenthetical citation
IV. Next two-five sentences: analyze, comment, and
reflect on the significance of your evidence in order to
persuade your point. These sentences are not to simply
summarize your evidence.
IIV. Last sentence: wraps up the refutation and provides
a transition into the next paragraph.
EXAMPLE
Some may believe that Curley’s wife died by Lennie’s hands
alone because it was her loneliness that drove her to find
companionship with Lennie and she did not fully understand his
potential danger. While Lennie was in the barn dealing with his
dead puppy and reflecting on the trouble he will be in once
George finds out he had killed yet another creature, Curley’s wife
pokes her head in the barn in hopes of finding some company to
talk to. As Curley’s wife entered into the barn she became angry at
Lennie for not speaking to her and exclaimed, ““I get lonely […]
you can talk to people , but I can’t talk to nobody but Curley”
(Steinbeck 87). Because all of the men at the ranch are afraid of
getting “canned” by Curley, all of them shun Curley’s wife when
she comes to visit with them. She feels alone on a farm with all
men and nobody to talk to. She is merely trying to find solace as
she comes into the barn with Lennie because she knows he is an
outcast much like herself. She feels he is harmless and even
resorts to calling him a “big baby”. She foresees no danger when
interacting with Lennie and only hopes that he may actually listen
to her dreams. Although loneliness overcame her at that moment,
it was her subtle flirting that led to her demise.
CHALLENGE


Search for strong evidence to support your thesis
and each of your three topic sentences. While
you do this, I will be available to help anyone still
struggling with their thesis and/or T.S.
When you finish, write out the commentary to
support your evidence.
HOMEWORK



Fill in the remainder of the three body
paragraphs in your outline.
Type them into the format I provided on my
website.
Bring 2 copies of your outline to class!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!