Chapter 6
Writing Process Phase 3:
Revise, Proofread, Evaluate
Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Mary Ellen Guffey
Copyright © 2008
The Business Writing Process: Phase 3
Revising Tips
Proofreading
Evaluating
Proofreading
Marks
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 2
Revise for Clarity, Conciseness, and Readability
Keep it simple.
Keep it conversational.
Remove opening fillers.
Eliminate redundancies.
Reduce compound
prepositions.
 Purge empty words.
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
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Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 3
Revise for Clarity, Conciseness, and Readability
 Kick the noun habit.
 Dump trite “business” phrases.
 Develop parallelism (balanced
construction).
 Apply graphic highlighting.
 Measure readability.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 4
Keep it Simple
Avoid indirect, pompous language.
Foggy:
It would not be inadvisable for
you to affix your signature at this
point in time.
Clear:
You may sign now.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 5
Keep it Conversational
Use natural, familiar language.
Formal:
Our accounting department takes
pleasure in informing you that we
have credited your account for
the aforementioned sum of $100.
Conversational: We’re happy to credit your
account for $100.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 6
Remove Opening Fillers
Avoid wordiness.
Wordy:
There are four menu
items we must promote.
Concise: We must promote four
new menu items.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 7
Eliminate Redundancies
Say it only once!
collect together
contributing factor
past history
basic fundamentals
personal opinion
perfectly clear
unexpected surprise
few in number
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 8
Reduce Compound Prepositions
Say it more concisely.
at such time, at which time
at this point in time
due to the fact that, inasmuch as
at a later date
despite the fact that
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
when
now
because
later
although
Ch. 6, Slide 9
Purge Empty Words
Unclutter your sentences.
As for the field of athletic shoes, the degree
of profits sagged.
This is to inform you that we have a tollfree service line.
Not all members who are registered will
attend the conference.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 10
Purge Empty Words
Unclutter your sentences.
As for the field of athletic shoes, the degree
of profits sagged.
This is to inform you that we have a tollfree service line.
Not all members who are registered will
attend the conference.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 11
Purge Empty Words
Unclutter your sentences.
As for athletic shoes, profits sagged.
This is to inform you that we have a tollfree service line.
Not all members who are registered will
attend the conference.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 12
Purge Empty Words
Unclutter your sentences.
As for athletic shoes, profits sagged.
This is to inform you that we have a tollfree service line.
Not all members who are registered will
attend the conference.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 13
Purge Empty Words
Unclutter your sentences.
As for athletic shoes, profits sagged.
We have a toll-free service line.
Not all members who are registered will
attend the conference.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 14
Purge Empty Words
Unclutter your sentences.
As for athletic shoes, profits sagged.
We have a toll-free service line.
Not all members who are registered will
attend the conference.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 15
Purge Empty Words
Unclutter your sentences.
As for athletic shoes, profits sagged.
We have a toll-free service line.
Not all registered members will attend the
conference.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 16
Kick the Noun Habit
Use simple, dynamic verbs.
conduct an investigation of
give consideration to
make a decision about
perform an analysis of
take action
investigate
consider
decide
analyze
act
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 17
Dump Trite “Business” Phrases
Eliminate stale, puffed-up expressions.
as per your suggestion
pursuant to your request
enclosed please find
please feel free to call
thank you in advance
as you suggested
as you requested
enclosed is
please call
thank you
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 18
Dump Trite “Business” Phrases
Eliminate stale, puffed-up expressions.
Trite:
Pursuant to your request, enclosed
please find a job application.
Improved: As requested, we have
enclosed a job
application.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 19
Develop Parallel Expression
Express similar ideas in balanced,
matching constructions.
Not parallel: We can collect information, store it,
and it can also be updated.
Parallel:
We can collect, store, and update
information.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 20
Develop Parallel Expression
Express similar ideas in balanced,
matching constructions.
Not parallel: She is conscientious, a hard worker,
and pays attention to detail.
Parallel:
She is conscientious, hard-working,
and detail-oriented.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 21
Apply Graphic Highlighting

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Letters, such as (a) and (b) within the text.
Numerals, such as 1, 2, and 3, listed vertically.
Headings and bullets.
Font type and size
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CAPITAL LETTERS
Underscores
Boldface
Italics
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 22
Use Numbered Lists for High “Skim Value”
Follow these steps to archive a document:
1. Select the document.
2. Select a folder.
3. Provide a file name.
4. Click “Save.”
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 23
Use Bulleted Lists for High “Skim Value”
Consumers expect the following
information at product Web sites:
 Price
 Quality
 Performance
 Availability
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 24
Add Headings for Visual Impact and Readability
We need to discuss a number of topics at
our next meeting:
Budget. Come prepared to discuss our
expense requests.
Schedule. Who will be taking vacations or
leaves?
Hiring. Soon we must begin the hiring
process to replace Matt.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 25
A Word of Caution
Don’t overdo graphic highlighting!
Too much emphasis leads to busy-looking
documents, clutter, and confusion.
To be safe, use no more than
three highlighting elements
on a single page.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 26
Consider Measuring Readability
Robert Gunning’s
Fog Index
Flesch-Kincaid
Index
Measure word and
sentence length to
determine readability
in MS Word.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 27
Proofreading: What to Watch for
Spelling
Grammar
Format
Proofreading
Names and
Numbers
Punctuation
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 28
How to Proofread Routine Documents
 For computer messages, print a rough copy
to read.
 Look for typos, misspellings, and easily
confused words.
 Watch for
inconsistencies and
ambiguous expressions.
 Check for factual
errors.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 29
How to Proofread Complex Documents
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Print a copy, preferably double-spaced.
Set it aside and take a breather.
Allow adequate time for careful proofing.
Expect errors. Congratulate, not criticize,
yourself each time you find a mistake!
 Read the message at least twice—for
meaning and for grammar/mechanics.
 Reduce your reading speed. Focus on
individual words.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 30
Evaluating
Did you encourage
feedback so that
you will know
it is a success?
How successful
will this
communication
be?
Does the message
say what you
want it to say?
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 31
Basic Proofreading Marks
Delete
Capitalize
Lowercase (don’t capitalize)
Transpose
Close up
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 32
Basic Proofreading Marks
Insert
Insert space
Insert punctuation
Insert period
Start paragraph
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 33
Unmarked Copy
This is to inform you that beginning
september 1 the doors leading to the
Westside of the building will have alarms.
Because of the fact that these exits also
function as fire exits they can not actually
be locked consequently we are instaling
alrams. Please utilize the east side exists to
avoid setting off the ear piercing alarms.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 34
Marked Copy
This is to inform you that beginning
september 1 the doors leading to the
Westside of the building will have alarms.
doors
Because of the fact that these exits also
function as fire exits they can not actually
l
be locked consequently we are instaling
use
alrams. Please utilize the east side exists
to avoid setting off the ear piercing
alarms.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 35
Revised Copy
Beginning September 1 the doors leading to
the west side of the building will have
alarms. Because these doors also function
as fire exits, they cannot be locked;
consequently, we are installing alarms.
Please use the east side exits to avoid
setting off the ear-piercing alarms.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 36
End
Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 6e
Ch. 6, Slide 37