From Empathy to Engagement
USING COUNSELING SKILLS TO BECOME A
MORE EFFECTIVE CORNELL REPRESENTATIVE
PENELOPE CHICK AND JAY CARTER ’71 MEN ’72
Our Goal
 To engage more alumni, parents and friends
 To do this, we need to overcome any objections to
becoming more engaged
Engagement Opportunities
 Mentoring of students
 Mentoring of other alumni
 Speaking to alumni groups on areas of expertise/passion
 Speaking in Cornell classes
 Participating in panel discussions at events
 Participating in networking events for a specific topic
(e.g. music, arts, technology)
 CAAAN
 Greek life or other advisor (to student run organizations)
 Parents opportunities – career services, Parents Fund
Committee, Family Fellows
Some examples of objections/challenges:
 Difficult experiences while at Cornell
 Concerns or complaints about AA&D or other
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aspects of the university
Negative admissions experiences with
children/relatives
Disagreements amongst volunteer leaders or with
staff
Finding the right engagement opportunity
Managing expectations
Too busy
Basic Counseling Skills
 A volunteer interaction can be a lot like a therapy
session - it has a predictable rhythm with an
introduction, information gathering, discussion and
a conclusion.
Skill #1 - Active Listening
 Listen for meaning
 The listener says very little but conveys much
interest
 The listener only speaks to find out if a statement (or
two or twenty) has been correctly heard and
understood
How do you convey active listening?
 Body language
 Facial expressions, body angle, proximity, placement
of arms and legs, etc.
 Use minimal encouragers: “yes”, “tell me more”,
“hmm”
Skill #2 – Open-Ended Questions
 Used to gather lots of information – you ask it with the intent
of getting a long answer.
 Cannot be answered with a yes or no
 Examples:
What stands out about your Cornell experience?
Would you tell me more about that?
What inspired you to give your time/talent to
Cornell?
What role does volunteerism play in your household?
What do you hope to gain from this experience?
What outcome are you hoping for?
How does your family make philanthropic decisions?
Skill #3 – Closed Question
 Also used to gather specific information and can normally be
answered with either a single word or a short phrase
 Examples:
Would you like to be more involved as a Cornell
volunteer?
Can you see yourself in this volunteer role?
Has this role been fulfilling for you?
Have you ever attended reunion?
Is your daughter enjoying her Cornell experience?
With questioning
Remember to monitor the tone of your voice in the same way that you monitor your body language.
The person may not remember what was said, but they
will remember how you made them feel!
Skill #4 - Paraphrasing
 Paraphrasing is restating what the speaker said. May be used to
draw attention to a particular concern or to clarify. It is important to
keep the original meaning but to present it in a new form.
 Examples:
It sounds like you are concerned about some of the
decisions that have been made by the Office of Alumni
Affairs/College.
You really hope that the university will continue to sponsor
this type of event.
Your experience as a class/club/college association
volunteer has been very rewarding.
It’s not clear to you how the College is using their annual
fund dollars.
Skill #5 - Summarizing
 Summarizing is focusing on the main points of a
conversation in order to highlight them. At the same time
you are giving the “gist”, you are checking to see if you
are accurate. Used less often than paraphrasing.
 Examples:
Overall you seem very enthusiastic about your
Cornell experience.
Philanthropy/Participation/Volunteerism is very
important to your family.
You’d like me to follow up on these three
things…
Skill #6 – Note-taking
 Note-taking is the practice of writing down pieces of
information, often in a shorthand or messy manner.
 Ask permission and be discreet; maintain active
listening.
Example:
Would you mind if I take some notes? I want to
make sure I get all the details correct.
Role Play
 Choose one of these situations to role play with your
partners (5 minute role play and then switch roles):
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
During the FHTR Awards dinner, an alumna tells you she is unhappy
with the service she is receiving as a class/club/college/association
volunteer
An alumna calls you to complain that her co-president is being
uncooperative in planning an upcoming event
A volunteer considering joining a college advisory board questions the
role of its board members.
You call an alumnus to ask if he would be able to speak at an upcoming
event. You think from his tone of voice that something is wrong.
You call an alumnus to discuss a possible reunion gift and you discover he
is still upset about a past negative admissions decision.
A volunteer tells you she is no longer interested in serving because there
is no substance to her particular volunteer role.
Thank you!
PENELOPE CHICK
DIRECTOR OF PARENTS PROGRAMS
CORNELL UNIVERSITY
607-254-6334
PCHICK@CORNELL.EDU
JAY CARTER
JAYWC88@AOL.COM