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What is the ‘cougar’ phenomenon?
Cultural representations of older
women’s sexuality
Women, aging, and sexuality
Women dating younger men

Term coined in early 1990s
› Used by Vancouver hockey players

Early 2000s- became popularized
› Publication of the self-help book “Cougar: A
Guide for Older Women Dating Younger
Men” (2001)
› Creation of cougardate.com (2001)
Books
 Dating websites
 Boat cruises
 Cougar conventions


TV shows
› Cougar Town
› Extreme Cougar Wives

Movies
› Something’s gotta give (2003)
› Adore (2013)

Newspaper articles

No official definition
› Women in their 30s and above
› Also used to describe any woman who is
dating a younger man
› Age gap varies from minimum of 3 to 10
years
› In MY research, I focus on
 Women 35 or older
 Age gap of minimum 5 years

Changes in the norms
› Sexual ‘Repression’ 1940s-1950s
 Post-WWII: Ideology of the housewife
› Sexual Revolution 1960s
 Quebec– ‘Révolution Tranquille’
› Backlash late 1970s-early1980s in the US
› Sexual Evolution 1990s - today

Influenced by:
› Changes in gender roles
› The birth control movement:
 started in the 1st decade of the 20th century;
› Family planning
 By 1960s, it was already an acceptable practice
› Quebecer’s rejection of the Church
› Socio-economic context of the 1960s:
 Economy booming
 Early 1960s: anything seemed possible

Influenced by:
› Increasing availability of erotic material

Early scholars working on sexuality
› Kinsey (1948; 1953)
› Masters & Johnson (1966)

Gay bars and bathhouses
› existed long before they became visible to
the public

“Sexual Evolution” of the 1990s
› ≠ sexual revolution of the 1960s

Women of generation X
› Born between early 1960s to the early 1980s
› Women of generation X are taking charge
of their sex lives

2 major shifts since the 1970s :
1) Women of generation X’s sexual profiles
are becoming remarkably similar to men’s
1) age of first intercourse
2) number of sexual partners
2) Male-defined scripts/norms are being
challenged

Men and women: different norms and
expectations
› Sexual double standard
› Gendered double standard of aging
› Importance of physical appearance
› Cultural opposition between motherhood
and sexuality

Very old norm
› Middle-ages: chastity belts for women;
› 16th-17th century women were burned at
the stake as witches;
› 19th century and the Victorian Era
 Requiring women to profess a total lack of
sexual feeling
 Sex = only for reproduction

Gendered norm
› Fatherhood ≠ asexuality

Motherhood= women should focus on
their role as a mother
› Sexuality as secondary or no longer
important
› Sexual expression = must now be reserved for
private sphere

2/3 of women think that when a woman
becomes a mother, she should change
her sexual expression(Montemurro & Siefken, 2012)
› E.g. the way she dresses; flirting; etc.

The more sexual a woman
is perceived to be,
the worse she is seen
as a mother (Friedman et al. 1998)

Definition:
› in terms of perceived attractiveness and of
normative sexual behavior, as they age,
women are judge more harshly than men.
 Aging women: thought of as unattractive and
(preferably) asexual
 Aging men: attractiveness in both the
romance and job markets holds steady or
even increases with age

Media’s depiction of older men/ women
› Fewer older women than men
› Older women’s sexuality=
 Often muted (e.g. older women as asexual
mothers)
 Destabilising the nuclear family
 Funny
 Dangerous

BUT– increasing number of middle-aged
women on TV
› Which women are presented on TV?

Men’s value=
› Associated with their occupational status and
their wealth
 Men are valued for their intelligence, their sports
abilities, their leadership
 Men gain value as they age

Women’s value=
› Primarily determined by their physical
appearance and their ability to attract the
attention of men
› Beauty= youth
 Women loose value as they age

Some feminists argue that beauty standards=
› a tool to prevent women from getting power, from
destabilizing the patriarchal system where men are
at the top

The argument:
› Women’s value= first and foremost determined by
their beauty/youth
› As women become older, they become smarter,
wealthier, therefore potentially more powerful
 so their beauty is said to decrease
 Goal: limit women’s power, by affecting their selfesteem, and others’ perception of older women’s
credibility
› Result= women cannot destabilize patriarchy

In other words, for women, sexual activity
is generally thought as being
acceptable only for:
› the childless pretty young adult woman in a
serious monogamous long-term relationship

How do our assumptions influence the
way we treat aging women?

Older women choosing younger men as
sexual partners break many norms and
challenge many assumptions regarding
women’s sexuality
› Women are, like men, interested in sexuality
 even ‘flings’ or ‘one-night-stands’
› Women can be assertive
› Aging women are attractive
› Aging women are sexual being
› Being a mother does not mean asexuality

Effect of menopause on women’s
sexuality: inconsistencies in scientific
literature
› Some experience decline in sexual desires,
and/or pain during intercourse
› Others report increased sexual desire, and/or
increased sexual activity
› Some report no change at all

Importance of contextual and relational
factors
› Past sexual dysfunction
› Being married/single
› Relationship length
› Level of intimacy
with partner
› Feelings for partner

Issue= reducing women’s sexuality to
their reproductive functions
› Gendered representations of parenthood and
sexuality:
 women = mothers
 Women’s sexuality= reproduction

Decline in sexual activity for both men
and women at middle age and beyond
Gender differences
 Example- Among 40-59 year olds:

› Larger proportion of women report having
no sexual partners
› Women: tend to have limited or no sexual
activity at a younger age than men
› Men = 3 times more likely than women of the
same age to report having multiple sexual
partners at a given point in time.

79% of middle-aged women (aged 42-52
years old) had engaged in sex with a
partner in the last 6 months
(Cain 2003)

Common reasons for no sex
› were lack of partner (67%)
› lack of interest (33%)
› fatigue (16%)
(Cain 2003)
:

Middle-aged women in U.S.
(Alarie & Carmichael 2014)
› 86% of women had had sex in last 12 months
› Among sexually active women, in last 12 months
 Number of sex partners:
 90% --one partner
 7 % -- 2 partners
 3 %-- 3 or more partners
 Marital status of those who had 2 or more sex
partners in the last 12 months
 3% of married women
 18% of single never-married women
 28% of previously married women

Single middle-aged women in Quebec
› Sexually active women: # of partners in last 5
years




21% --had 1 partner
45%-- 2 or 3 partners
27%-- 4-6 partners
7% -- 7 and more partners
 Condom
use among single middleaged women in QC (last 2 partners)
› Vaginal intercourse
 33% used condoms all the time
 43% reported never having used condoms
› Anal intercourse
 21% used condoms all the time
 77% never used a condom

From age 35 and on, the ratio of single
women versus single men begin to increase
› unbalanced pool of potential opposite-sex
partners
› Sex differences in mortality rates= play a limited
role, and it does so only passed age 45
› Aging and the age-gap between partners
 The older a man is when he gets married, the
younger is bride will likely be
 Men marrying in their 20s: 1 year age-gap
 Men marrying in their 60s: 9 to12 years age-gap

Personal ads (Jagger 2005)

35-44 age-group
 Advertising for a partner who is 34 or younger:
 47%of men vs
 8 %of women

Ideal partner (Montenegro 2003) :
› 40-69 age-group
 majority of men (26%) prefer a female partner who is 4 to 9
years younger
 majority of women (33%) prefer a male partner who is 1 to
4 years older
 Reporting wanting a partner who is at least 5 years
younger:
 64% of men vs
 17% of women

Differentiating between different
commitment level (Buunk et al. 2001)
› Men:
 the less committed (casual sex), the younger
the ideal woman is
› Women:
 regardless of the commitment level, women
want men of a similar age

Age heterogamy- 2 types
› Hypergamy (older man)
› Hypogamy (older woman)

Average age gap at 1st marriage:
› Today=
 2 years
(Canada and U.S.)
› Early 20th century=
 3.5 years in Canada
 4 years in the US

Man at least 4 years older :
› Canada: 36% of marriage/common law
unions
› US: 32.3% of marriages

Woman at least 4 years older:
› Canada: 6% of marriage/common law
unions
› US: wife is at least 4 years older in 7.6% of
marriages

Age-gap of minimum 10 years
(Canada):
› Hypergamy: 7% of marriage/common law
› Hypogamy: 1%

2 research questions:
a) How prevalent are age-hypogamous
sexual relationships in the United States?
b) What are the socio-demographic
characteristics associated with the middleaged women who engage in these nonconventional relationships?

The socio-demographic factors analysed:
› Woman’s age
› Her race
› Her education
› Her income
› Her marital status
› Her religious faith and level of religiosity
› Her attitudes towards sexuality/gender roles
› Her number of sexual partners in last 12 months
(control)

Focus= sexual relationships
› Sample=
 U.S. Women aged 35-44
 Sexually active women only
› Looked at all sexual partners in the last 12
months
› The outcome: women engaging in agehypogamous sexual relationships (‘cougars’)
 Having slept with at least 1 man who is a
minimum of 5 years her junior in the last 12
months

Age-hypogamy
› 13% of women have slept with a man who is
at least 5 years younger
› 4.5% of women have slept with a man at
least 10 years younger

Age-hypergamy:
› 34% of women have slept with at least one
man who was 5 years older or more
› 14% of women have slept with a man at
least 10 years older or more

Women’s Income:
› lower income women are more likely than affluent women
to have sex with younger men

Women’s race:
› Women who identify as either White or Black are less likely
than those of ‘other racial groups’.

Women’s marital status:
› Previously married women are more likely than
married/cohabiting women to engage in agehypogamous sexual relationships
› No difference between never married women and
married women
› Majority of older woman/younger man sexual relationships
actually involve married/cohabiting women

Conservative attitudes:
› Agreeing with the statement that “any sexual
acts between consenting adults is all right”–
increases the likelihood of sleeping with a
younger man

Religion:
› Women who never go to Church are more likely
than those who go regularly to sleep with a
younger man

Women’s level of education:
› Not significant
Longevity?
 Marrying their younger partner?




Looking for Canadian women
Aged 35-55
Goal= Understand women’s experience of
age-hypogamy in the heterosexual dating
context
› a) motivations for challenging the age hypergamy
norm and expectations with regards to the future of
the relationship;
› b) perceived benefits, disadvantages and risks
associated with age hypogamy;
› c) feelings towards cultural representations of older
women and ‘cougars’, and stigma management;
› d) identity choices/negotiations and gender
performances
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Alarie & Carmichael (2014). The cougar phenomenon: Examining the factors influencing age-hypogamous
sexual relationships among middle-aged women. Manuscript submitted for publication.
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Cain et al. (2003). Sexual Functioning and Practices in a Multi-Ethnic Study of Midlife Women: Baseline
Results From SWAN. Journal of Sex Research, 40(3), 266-276.
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Gibson (2002). Cougar: a guide for older women dating younger men. New York, NY: Firely Books.
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Milaine Alarie PhD (c)
Department of Sociology
McGill University
milaine.alarie@mail.mcgill.ca