Background Black and marginalised individuals may be suspicious of social service interventions influenced by discourses of family dysfunction (Agozino, 1997; Barn, 2001; Bernard and Gupta, 2008; Lees, 2002), further explored in first person narratives of Black British women abused as children (Briscoe, 2009; Mason-John, 2005; Riley, 1985; Williams, 2011). Knowing what I know now...research 15 women interviewed: 6 as experts who worked in support services; 9 as victim-survivors, on help seeking for violence and abuse for African and Caribbean heritage women. Visual methods (photographs, maps and diagrams) were used to help elicit past memories and some were created by the women as part of the research process. Of the nine, seven were abused as children: four were fostered (privately in one case); two were fostered by family friends/relatives, and one became the legal guardian of her siblings. Participants who were fostered Six of the seven women abused as children received social service intervention. The table below shows those who were placed into foster care. Name (Age range) Ethnicity (self-defined) Employment Routes into care Farah (20s) Black African Student Sexually abused and raped by uncle and mother’s boyfriend. Rebecca (30s) Afro Caribbean with Jewish descendants Jobseeker, former Sexually abused by family accounts professional friend. Jacinta (40s) African Amateur actress, unemployed Norma (40s) Black Caribbean Health care professional Sexually abused and beaten by foster family, raped by a group of young men while living in a hostel. Malnourished and beaten by her mother. Room body Themes Generations of female relatives sexually abused or exploited in contexts of migration. ‘Saved’ by social service intervention as children, ‘betrayed’ as parents. Viewed as betraying their families by not ‘keeping business’ (Wilson, 1993) which severed relationships with siblings and close relatives. As teenagers concealed their bodies, were sexually exploited, and did not ‘use’ sexuality enough. Described feeling ‘like a minority’, ‘like a pathology’ in public spaces and ‘judged’ by social workers, and counsellors. ‘When you’re young you tend to see things inside your house, what goes on in here stays in here ... it’s quite a Black thing to think well they’re your parents, you should live with them, you should be obedient.’ Norma ‘Social services obviously [giggles] did their job They were interested in how the other children were being raised and the whole dilapidation of the conditions.’ Rebecca Resisting/Accepting Felt Intensities •Continuum of oppression •Migrations, displacement, belonging •Intergenerational trauma •Violence and abuse •Everyday racism •Being silenced, not believed Exhausting liminal rumination •Mothering •Strong Black woman •Single mother •Women are whores •Audacious Speech •Less than •Not Black enough ‘The hostel where I was staying, one of the young ladies there, got beaten up Farah’s Bodyline Room Body because she said that somebody was looking for [me] … I was too scared to tell the police … I feel totally stupid up to this day, for not doing anything.’ Jacinta Conclusions Feeling ‘raced’ (Ahmed, 2000; 2004; 2007; Fanon, 1986) intersected with experiences of racism and child sexual abuse. Some felt that abuse was already known and could be read from their bodies (Coy, 2008; 2009). Family or cultural discourses about being strong (BeaubeoufLafontant, 2007; 2008) suggested they conceal emotional distress, through processes of ‘toughening up’. A ‘continuum of oppression’ is experienced long after abuse and leaving care. Women carried these past legacies, while they manage everyday challenges as embodied burdens. ‘I’m learning to love the outside of my body … the inside’s got all its parts intact … just like here [points to the photo] … I need to decorate … over the old parts … all the memories from the previous occupier are there … the nicotine on the walls, which is a lot [laughs] … I need to make it into my own.’ Rebecca References Agozino, B. (1997). Black Women and the Criminal Justice System: Towards the Decolonisation of Victimisation. Aldershot: Ashgate. Ahmed, S. (2000). Strange Encounters: Embodied Others in Postcoloniality. London and New York: Routledge. 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