ANGER MANAGEMENT – Dealing Constructively with Anger
Accept that anger exists. Anger can be experienced as mild irritation, hurt, guilt, frustration,
upset stomach, headache, etc.
ANGER IS NORMAL
Sometimes people believe (myths)
1. Anger is sinful
2. Angry feelings “craziness”
3. “Nice people” do not “get angry”
4. Violence occurs when angry feelings
come up
5. If you get angry, people will be hurt or
rejected
6. It is better to bottle anger up
7. Your feelings aren’t important
8. They “don’t get angry”
But actually
9. Anger is a legitimate emotion
10. Anger can be expressed without losing
control or becoming violent
11. Anger can be effectively expressed
without being destructive
12. Appropriately expressed anger can
improve relationships
13. You may hurt yourself or others more
by carrying around old feelings of anger
until you explode, than if you express
them openly when they first occur
IDENTIFY THE REAL SOURCE OF YOUR ANGER. Anger is often misdirected. Something
may trigger anger, but the underlying reasoning for reacting so strongly may be hard to find.
1. We feel first – then we act.
2. Because we feel does not mean we must always act in the same way we have
before.
3. We need not be victims of old destructive behavior patterns. We can identify where
our anger should be directed.
4. Violent acts, not feelings have irreversible effects.
5. We can learn constructive methods of expressing angry feelings.
6. First, we must know who or what we are angry at or about.
DEFINE ALTERNATIVES. What choices do I have to express my feelings of anger?
1. How have I dealt with my feelings in the past? Did I like the results?
2. Is there something in this situation within my control to change?
3. Can the problem be resolved by direct confrontation?
4. Have I been in this situation before? How did it happen again?
5. What choices do I presently have to express my anger?
a. Direct verbal confrontation
b. Channel into physical activity until I can talk.
c. If I am overwhelmed, refocus attention until I can confront the problem.
d. “Hire” a good set of listening ears, i.e., friend, relative, therapist, etc.
e. Avoid and deny my feelings – adopt a “sour grapes, I don’t care” attitude.
f. Displace anger – throw a punch, kick the dog, find a helpless victim, etc.
g. Other options ….
DON’T LET ANGER ACCUMULATE! WORK IT OFF
EXPRESS ANGER IN THE MOST CONSTRUCTIVE WAY YOU CAN. You may find more
options later.
EVALUATE THE RESULTS AND PLAN FOR THE NEXT TIME. Each experience teaches a
lesson to be learned, for the next time.
1.
2.
3.
4.
Did I act constructively?
Was my anger resolved?
Could I have done differently?
How do I feel now? Good? Bad? Relieved? Guilty? Temporarily relieved?
Depressed? “Just you wait, you SOB.”? Frustrated? Satisfied?
SEPARATE FEELINGS FROM BEHAVIOR. Feelings can occur at any time; we can control
what we do with the feelings. What we do behavior.
1.
2.
3.
We feel first, then we act.
Old behavior patterns need not be repeated.
Old destructive ways of handling anger can be remolded into new constructive
patterns.