Haunting the Inbox: The Communication Crisis of Ghosting
Ghosts do not just appear during Halloween now. They are everywhere, manifesting in
anyone's inbox without notice. Similar to that of blink of an eye, ghosting is a term popular in
contemporary discourse especially for the younger generation. It is the sudden and
mysterious act of communication cutoff by one person in a relationship, causing confusion
and oftentimes emotional distress for the other. Found in various relational situations such as
love relationships, friendships, and professional work, it is characterised by the persistent
ignorance of calls, messages, and any other attempts at communication (Koessler et al.,
2019). The rise and ease of access of digital technologies is one to blame for the prevalence
of ghosting, particularly social media and dating apps, changing the societal norms for
beginning and ending of interpersonal relationships (Kay & Courtice, 2022; Daraj et al.,
2023).
Undeniably, the act of ghosting is widespread, haunting not just the Filipino citizens but the
entire world. According to research, 20 to 40 percent of people have reported to have been
either ghosted by someone or have ghosted someone else (Freedman et al., 2018; Pancani
et al., 2021). This data suggests that ghosting is not an isolated communication behaviour of
an individual but a wider social phenomenon. Additionally, studies have linked psychological
consequences to ghosted individuals. These include confusion, self-esteem, and
worthlessness or feelings of abandonment (Wu & Bamishigbin, 2024; Timmermans et al.,
2020; Pancani et al., 2022), which manifest particularly among young adults who are at the
beginning of navigating complex emotional and social exchanges (LeFebvre et al., 2019; Wu
& Bamishigbin, 2023). Having said these, there is a necessity for further exploration of this
pressing communication issue.
Conceptually, ghosting can be associated with Eleni Andreouli’s Positioning Theory.
According to this theory, identity is constructed dynamically through the interaction between
oneself and others engaging in practices of discourse. Positioning pertains to how
individuals locate themselves and others in ongoing conversations. It has two orders:
first-order and second-order positioning. The former refers to how people see themselves,
whereas the latter describes how others see them. A mismatch between these positions
could result in relational disintegration, such as in this case is ghosting. An analysis from
Thomas and Dubar (2021) states that ghosting can both be an indicator and an outcome of
the hyper visibility encouraged through social media. As per this study, social norms that
encompass relationship management impact how people consider one another, whether
worthy of ongoing engagement or are disposable digital links. As a result, when one partner
is thought to be just a peripheral casual connection, ghosting occurs more frequently and
may be considered a socially acceptable way to end engagement.
In the Philippines, two communicative actions can further be linked to the practice of
ghosting. One is the "Convenience Approach to Living On," which indicates the tendency
towards the most convenient and easiest method to accomplish things and meet goals.
Ghosting is aligned with this approach since it allows disengagement without having to go
through emotionally draining conversations. Collins et al. (2023) and Kay and Courtice
(2022) define ghosting as an avoidance mechanism brought about by the need to avoid
feeling uncomfortable emotionally.
Moreover, the tolerance of ghosting among close friends contribute to its immortality, making
it a socially sanctioned behavior (Powell et al., 2022; Yap et al., 2021). As aforementioned,
the convenience brought by digital communication media has increased this trend, making
detachment easier and less emotionally heavy. As an act, ghosting indicates a broader
cultural shift towards less consideration of feelings and illusioned efficiency of ending
relationships. This is further condoned by social media and online messaging apps. Through
these, the development and separation of connections can happen without much effort,
making detachment seem like normal practice (Powell et al., 2022). Thus, it is clear that
ghosting is a convenience-driven strategy where people value self-preservation more than
communicative expression.
The second Filipino communicative behavior that can be related to the phenomenon at hand
is the "Concept of Accountability." This refers to one’s tendency to avoid responsibility
through "palusot" (excuses) and blaming others for their mistakes. Ghosting is an instance of
a lack of interpersonal accountability, as the party who initiates the act avoids the
responsibility of due explanation and proper closure. Thomas and Dubar (2021) highlight
that the avoidance might cause long-term emotional and psychological effects for individuals
involved, such as difficulties in establishing similar connections, and decreased readiness to
be dependent and emotionally vulnerable. Such avoidance creates a communication culture
in which silence fully substitutes for discourse, thus preventing relational transparency.
From a verbal communication perspective, ghosting is consistent with high-context and
low-key communication styles. High-context communication relies on implicit verbal codes,
where individuals speak less and meanings are in between the lines or in the silence.
Meanwhile, understated verbal communication is making extensive use of silence and
understatement. Ghosting, where there is an utter lack of communication, communicates
through silence and vagueness. Wu and Bamishigbin (2024) are of the view that this
absence of closure compels the receiver to make meaning of the silence, which usually
translates into misunderstandings and emotional distress.
The nonverbal nature of ghosting forces the recipient to conclude what this means,
subjecting them to extra mental and emotional burden. On the other hand, from the verbal
communication perspective, this act makes use of avoidance and withdrawal as
communication strategies with the goal of avoiding confrontation and emotional engagement
(Pancani et al., 2021; Collins et al., 2023). Kay and Courtice (2022) highlight that ghosting
commonly occurs with complete absence of expression of motives or reasons, diverging
from the norms of relationship breakup practices.
This strategic silence could be motivated by an attempt to escape emotional struggle or
could be a manifestation of merely joining the trend brought about by social media culture
and personal preference towards this coping mechanism (Marshall et al., 2025; Thomas &
Dubar, 2021). The abrupt disconnection could express different meanings involving
incompatibility or unresolved internal issues, voiding the recipient of any hope of
conversation (Daraj et al., 2023; Husain et al., 2024). The effects of ghosting does not end
within the people involved in the relationship but rather imposes a domino effect. On a larger
scale, it makes the avoidance of communication the norm in contemporary discourse and
tolerates leaving relational conflict unaddressed. Consequently, this reinforces the
non-necessity of shared understanding and emotional honesty which have long been
fundamentals toward fostering healthy interpersonal connection. When people choose to
stay silent instead of talking it out, they succumb to a communication cycle characterised
with ambiguity and withdrawal that results in disentrustment for one and emotional safety for
the other.
In summary, ghosting is a compounded communication issue grounded by the interplay of
theories, culture, and technology. It captures how the ease of digital communication, cultural
tendency to prefer evasiveness, and produced meanings of high-context communication
play together to create a slowly-becoming norm that causes great relational and emotional
destruction. Using the lenses of Positioning Theory and Filipino communicative behaviors,
ghosting is an expression of widespread societal trends that favor convenience over
connection and silence over solution. There is a need for careful reevaluation of
contemporary communication practices, with emphasis on the importance of accountability,
transparency, and emotional compromise, in addressing this communication crisis that
knows no bounds.