LEAN & STRONG
LEAN AND STRONG
Eating Skills, Psychology, and Workouts
Josh Hillis
Foreword by Molly Galbraith
Book cover and graphics by Karen Chin
Copyright © 2020 Josh Hillis
Foreword © 2020 Molly Galbraith
ISBN-13: 978-1-931046-40-4, paperback
ISBN-13: 978-1-931046-39-8, epub
First printing March 2020
All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America using recycled
paper. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form
whatsoever without written permission from the author or publisher, with the
exception of the inclusions of brief quotations in articles or reviews.
On Target Publications
P O Box 1335
Aptos, California 95001 USA
otpbooks.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Hillis, Josh, 1977- author.
Title: Lean and strong : the skills, stages, and psychology of
lasting
fitness / Josh Hillis.
Description: Aptos, CA : On Target Publications, [2019] | Includes
index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2019007716 | ISBN 9781931046404 (pbk.)
Subjects: LCSH: Weight loss--Psychological aspects. | Physical
fitness. |
Reducing exercises.
Classification: LCC RM222.2 .H486 2019 | DDC 613.7--dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019007716
ALSO BY
JOSH HILLIS
FAT LOSS HAPPENS ON MONDAY
FORTHCOMING
BEATING EMOTIONAL EATING
SPRING 2023
DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to Dan John, who played such an instrumental role in
getting my first book deal. First, he helped me sort out my coaching strategy and
pushed me to write it up in an ebook. Then, years later, he set up a meeting with
our wonderful publisher, Laree Draper, about turning that into a print book. He
also guided me in what, from the original, to cut or expand. Finally, he even cowrote that book.
Getting to write Fat Loss Happens on Monday with Dan opened up so many
doors. All of the speaking and writing and people I’ve gotten to work with came
out of that. I would never have gotten to make the difference I get to make and
help as many people as I get to help if not for his involvement. I’ll be forever
grateful.
On top of what he has done for me, Dan has continually elevated the
effectiveness, professionalism, and wisdom in the fitness field. It’s not just that
he has so much great information to teach, it’s the person he is in teaching it. He
shows up for people and shows up for communities. Everyone who knows him is
better for it.
For years he has asked me for my “pirate map” for weight loss. It finally exists
and is on page 59.
Dan, thanks for everything!
CONTENTS
FOREWORD
INTRODUCTION
CHAPTER ONE—YOUR FIRST MONTH
CHAPTER TWO—DON’T DIET
CHAPTER THREE—EATING SKILLS
CHAPTER FOUR—WORKOUT SKILLS
CHAPTER FIVE—THE META-SKILLS
CHAPTER SIX—THE TEN TURNING POINTS
CHAPTER SEVEN—THE WISE FIVE
A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
APPENDIX ONE—SKILL AND GUIDELINES TRACKER
APPENDIX TWO—WARMUPS
APPENDIX THREE—BEGINNING WORKOUT
TRACKER
APPENDIX FOUR—INTERMEDIATE WORKOUT
TRACKER
APPENDIX FIVE—ADVANCED WORKOUT TRACKER
APPENDIX SIX—EXERCISE DESCRIPTIONS
REFERENCES
INDEX
FOREWORD
Change can be hard.
If you’ve ever tried to lose weight, get more sleep, pay down debt, or quit
smoking, you know firsthand what I mean.
How many times have you gotten really serious about making a major life
change?
You think to yourself, “This is it! I’ve had enough. I’m going to finally
[___insert change you want to make___] once and for all.”
And in the beginning, you believe in yourself because you feel how badly you
want it to happen.
So you resolve to make sweeping changes and overhaul your life, and you
often do. For a while.
Maybe it’s for three or four days. Maybe a week. Or maybe it’s even a full
month.
But eventually life gets in the way.
You might experience extra stress or hardship or a monumental life event like
death or divorce or illness, and you slip back into your old ways, exactly as you
were before, except this time, you feel worse because you tried and failed…
again.
If you’re like most folks, this cycle continues for months, years, sometimes
even decades. The pattern looks something like this:
Resolve to change → try to overhaul your life → follow a program or change
your behavior for a short time → slip back into your old habits and behaviors →
feel like a failure → give yourself further “proof” you can’t do it → rinse and
repeat.
When this happens, we often get down on ourselves for being “weak,” not
having enough “willpower,” or not “wanting it badly enough.”
As the co-founder and woman-in-charge of Girls Gone Strong, a health and
fitness movement of over 800,000 women from more than 80 countries around
the world, I’ve seen this time and time again (and I even did it myself for years).
I know how discouraging it can feel.
But the truth is, change is hard for all of us. It’s just that some of us are better
at certain things than others.
For example, that super fit woman you see at the gym and envy her lean body
and muscles? She might struggle with her finances.
Your college roommate who paid down his student loans in under two years
and is now debt-free? He might not have a strong relationship with his partner.
Your colleague who seems to have the perfect marriage and kids? That person
might be struggling with a tobacco addiction.
Yes, some of us have a knack or predisposition to excel in some areas of our
lives. But that doesn’t mean we can’t achieve our goals in areas where we
currently struggle.
It simply means we need the right guide, someone who understands how
change happens (and how it doesn’t), and what it really takes to make change
stick for a lifetime.
This is someone who will take you by the hand and walk you through the
process of change, step-by-step, helping you build the skills you need.
That guide is Josh Hillis.
I first met Josh at the Elite Fitness and Performance Summit in Louisville,
Kentucky, in 2015. I’d been a fan of his via the internet for years, and was
excited to see him present.
Have you ever met someone you’ve followed online who ended up
disappointing you?
That is NOT Josh Hillis. He is everything I expected him to be…and more. As I
sat in the audience watching him present, he had the room on the edge of our
seats, totally engaged by his passion and enthusiasm.
Many presenters stand on stage and talk at their audiences. Not Josh. He’s
interested in talking with his audience. He has information to share, yes. But he
wants input, suggestions, and ideas. That’s who Josh is, someone who values
other people, who seeks different perspectives, and who’s always looking to
learn, grow, and refine his knowledge.
That’s how you end up with a book like Lean and Strong.
Josh is everything that’s good about the fitness field. He’s passionate; he’s
compassionate; he cares about making a difference, and he knows what he’s
talking about. All of that rings loud and clear in this book.
To say Josh is obsessed with learning and honing his craft so he can better serve
his clients and readers is an understatement. He’s not interested in how change
might happen in an “ideal” world—he cares how things work in real life.
That’s why, in this book, you’ll find actionable, practical solutions to losing
bodyfat, gaining strength, improving your health and longevity, and reaching
your goals. In this book, he gives us what works. And he delivers it with a rare
blend of frankness, honesty, and compassion.
I’m so happy you picked up a copy of Lean and Strong. As you’re about to
learn, this book delivers exactly what it promises: It will help you get lean and
strong. But it does much more than that. It will help you overcome the on-again
off-again roller coaster of change so you can finally become the person you want
to be.
With Josh in your corner, you’ll not only create change, you’ll have the skills
to sustain it.
For life.
Molly Galbraith
Co-founder and Woman-in-charge
Girls Gone Strong
HOW TO GET LEAN
HOW TO GET STRONG
LEAN
When hungry, eat a balanced meal. Eat slowly enough to notice
and stop when full. Treat eating well like skill practice. Eat three
meals per day. Don’t snack between meals because of boredom,
stress, or emotions.
STRONG
Do periodized workouts with progressive overload over time.
Practice and develop skill in basic movement patterns.
LEAN AND STRONG
In the long term, increase workout volume. In the short term,
adjust workout volume based on current stress and schedule
demands.
Always make eating skills the number one priority.
These are very tight, very complete explanations of how to get lean and strong.
They may be different from what you have seen before. There’s no mention of
diets or magical foods. There’s nothing about burning thousands of calories with
punishing workouts. It’s just simple work done over time.
This book includes all the eating skills required to do “lean” and is based on
skills practice. You’ll spend a lot of time practicing. You’ll get results while
you’re practicing, long before anything feels “perfect.” Practice is enough.
Your eating skills will increase with practice and as your eating skills increase,
everything will change about food and leanness.
This book includes multiple versions of workouts. You can simply do the
workouts, in order, and get stronger. You’ll get stronger because the workouts
are intelligently periodized, and you’ll get stronger because you’ll develop a new
level of skills in each of the movement patterns.
BEHAVIOR CHANGE
Know which skills you’re practicing each week, plan for obstacles, and
track frequency.
The context for your practice is this: excellence, self-compassion,
goldilocksing, and flexibility.
RESULTS FOR LIFE
Results are the natural expression of taking actions in line with your
personal values.
The paradox is that you’ll get the best results when, instead of focusing
on the results, you work on being the kind of person you want to be.
You’re going to get the tools to change your behaviors and do the things you
need to do to get lean and strong in real life. You’re likely going to go deeper
into what motivates you than you ever have before.
You’ll sort out where fitness fits inside of all of the commitments in your life.
When practicing the skills and doing the workouts are an expression of your
values, you won’t have to worry about “feeling motivated” anymore. Being lean
and strong will be part of who you are.
CHAPTER ONE
YOUR FIRST MONTH
This book does something unusual—in the first 20 pages, it will give you
everything you need to start. I know that’s not how books are supposed to be
written. We’re supposed to write a book so people have to keep reading until the
end to figure it all out.
But here’s the thing: I’m a personal trainer. I’m a coach. I just want to improve
your performance. I know nothing will make a bigger difference than if you start
practicing this week.
What’s in these first 20 pages is barely enough to get started. It isn’t complete,
but it’s enough. The rest of the book gives the complete picture. For now, just get
started.
The most cutting-edge research on learning shows that people learn more if
they take a test before studying. Of course, they fail the test the first time. And
failing the test completely changes the quality of their reading. They study much
more intently, with their brains primed to look for the answers to the questions
they got wrong.
Then, they take the test again. Maybe the second time they get a “D” or a “C.”
They study again; this time they know exactly what they know and don’t know,
and go straight to working on what they got wrong.
These cycles of taking tests and reading—five, six, seven, or even an unlimited
number of times—results in everyone learning more. Almost everyone gets an
“A” if they just keep studying and test-taking. The process of getting better
through repeated, low-stakes testing is well documented, and is called “the
testing effect” or “the practice effect.” 1,2 ,3 ,4 ,5 ,6 ,7
On top of that, everyone remembers the material and gets higher grades on the
final. The students who did repeated testing and studying were also better at
applying the material, and adapting it to different situations. It turns out it works
in all kinds of scenarios, from teaching people to jump out of planes, to surgeons
performing complex surgical tasks, to high jumping in track, to throwing balls
with accuracy. 8
That’s how this book is structured. You’re going to start practicing the skills
this week. The mistakes you make and the failures you have your first week will
direct your learning throughout the book. You’ll get ten times more out of the
book if you’re practicing while you’re reading it than if you wait until the end to
start practicing.
The secret sauce is that my clients get the best results in leanness and strength
simply because they practice more than everyone else. So let’s start practicing.
WHAT TO EAT
The first question people always have is “what do I eat?” This book is going to
answer that in the simplest way possible—by looking at a balanced plate. This is
the simplest way to guestimate plating healthy and balanced portions:
50% of the plate vegetables (and fruit!);
25% of the plate protein;
25% of the plate carbohydrates;
About a tablespoon of fat (as a starting guideline).
You’ve probably seen something like this before. Harvard School of Public
Health has a “Healthy Eating Plate” that looks almost exactly like this. You may
also notice that these match the plate used for Canada’s food guide and are pretty
close to the United States’ “MyPlate” guidelines from 2019. Dozens of fitness
groups have recommended some version of this for decades. Lastly, eating
balanced meals is just common sense.
Don’t get too hung up on the percentages; it’s just a guideline. It’s a place to
start when thinking about how to put your plate together. Usually people feel the
most full for the least calories with a portion of protein, a portion of
carbohydrates, two portions of fruit or vegetables, and a portion of fat.
We’ll dig into the research on why those particular portions were chosen in the
chapter on eating guidelines and in the section “Plating Balanced Portions.”
Please don’t get too stuck on the idea of a “plate.” You can also look for near
those ratios stirred into a stew, in a casserole, or on a sandwich. Just use this as a
guideline for how to think about putting together a meal.
It isn’t a rule; it’s a guideline. It’s a simple tool to answer the question of “what
do I eat?” without having to count anything or eliminate any food groups. When
you use a guideline like this to plan your meals, eating for leanness and strength
becomes simple.
FOUR KINDS OF EATING SKILLS
LEAN AND STRONG EATING SKILLS MATRIX
BASIC
LISTEN TO
YOUR
BODY
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN MEALS
Notice when
getting full, and
stop
Distinguish true hunger versus cravings,
boredom, tiredness, emotions, or
thoughts
Plate healthy and Eat a meal every four to six hours,
USE A
balanced
without snacking in between
GUIDELINE portions
Weight loss is simply:
1. Having the guides and skills to eat the right amount of food at
meals
2. Having the guides and skills to not snack when stressed, bored,
tired, emotional, and so on.
We’re going to work on eating guidelines, which are awesome for creating
weight loss and are really useful for when you’re tired or stressed.
We’re also going to work on eating skills, which will transform your
relationship to your body, to food, and to fitness.
These are the four areas—during meals listening to your body, during meals
guidelines, between meals listening to your body, and between meals guidelines
—that we need to work on with your eating skills to hit all of your goals. Each
person will have different components of those skills they need.
The lists of component skills follow:
LEAN AND STRONG EATING SKILLS MATRIX
IN DEPTH
DURING MEALS
Notice when full, and stop
Check in with your
stomach mid-meal,
LISTEN TO
YOUR
BODY
BETWEEN MEALS
Distinguish hunger from
cravings, boredom,
tiredness, emotions,
or thoughts
notice and speculate
Defusion from
about future fullness
unwanted
Notice that flavor
thoughts,
enjoyment is different
feelings, and
from fullness
cravings
Use five senses
Flexibility: Saying
mindfulness
“yes” to things
Make sure to eat
enough
Stop before eating too
much
sometimes, and
“no” other times
Notice and wait
through normal
hunger 30
Check in with your
stomach one hour after
minutes before
eating
eating
Notice when tired
and go to sleep
Plate balanced portions
Plate healthy portion sizes
Put the fork down
between bites
Eat a meal every four to six
hours, without snacking in
between
USE
A
GUIDELINE
Eat without screens
Ten-minute wait
Do something engaging
before snacks or
after eating
treats
Wait ten minutes before
Get engaged with
having seconds or treats
what is going on in
the moment
Self-care: coping,
self-soothing, fun
activities, and
hobbies
Turn off screens
and lights and go
to bed at a certain
time
These are all of the skills we could potentially work on. Most people are only
ever going to use three to seven of these skills (NOT all of them!). As you read
through the book, you’ll get a sense of which skills you need, and will be able to
customize your own program.
First, if you can’t make sense of these skills yet, THAT’S NORMAL. I
don’t expect you to be able to do anything with the information until you’ve
read more.
I just want to make sure you have an overview of the first level of the system
we’re using. It will make more and more sense each week while you alternate
between practicing and reading more from the book.
You’ll use the eating skills tracker at the end of this section. I’m going to make
it easy by picking the first four skills you’re going to practice:
Plate balanced portions.
Put the fork down between bites.
Eat a meal every four to six hours (without snacking in between).
Distinguish true hunger from cravings, boredom, tiredness, emotions, or
thoughts.
You’ll fill in your skills tracker by entering the number of times you practice
each skill or use each guide. Here’s an example of what your tracker might look
like halfway through a week.
In the tracker on the following page, you’d enter a ‘1’ if you had one balanced
meal that day, a ‘2’ for two balanced meals, or ‘3’ for three balanced meals.
In eating a meal every four to six hours, you’d mark down each between-meal
period you didn’t have a snack. For example, if you had no snacks between
breakfast and lunch, between lunch and dinner, or between dinner and going to
sleep, enter a ‘3.’ If you snacked after dinner, but not between breakfast and
lunch, or lunch and dinner, put a ‘2.’
For distinguishing true hunger, if you had a craving one time that day and
practiced that skill, enter a ‘1.’ But if you had cravings five times that day and
practiced that skill every time, use a ‘5.’ If you didn’t have any cravings that day,
you could put ‘n/a’ for not applicable.
DAY: M T W TH F SA SU
DATE:
DURING
MEALS
Plate balanced portions
3 0
2
3
Put the fork down
between meals
1 2
1
3
Eat a meal every four to six
hours (without snacking in
between)
3 3
3
3
1 4 N/A
3
BETWEEN
MEALS Distinguish true hunger from
cravings, boredom, tiredness,
emotions, or thoughts
Remember, the goal is to get practice (reps), not to have “perfect days.” It’s
totally okay to practice each skill one or two times each day—it doesn’t have to
be every meal. You just need to get practice with some of the skills each day; it
stacks up over time. With practice, you’ll be able to combine skills and get more
frequency. At this point, as long as you practice one of the skills a couple times
each day, that practice is significant.
IF/THEN PLANNING
Of the three Meta-skills, we’re going to start with If/Then planning. If/Then
planning is the most important Meta-skill for behavior change. If/Then planning
is simply a matter of planning for:
1. IF obstacle ________ shows up,
2. THEN I’m going to do __________ to overcome that obstacle.
It’s been shown goal setting is much less effective than obstacle planning.
In research, this is called an implementation intention. Where goal setting has
a small-to-medium effect on goal achievement, obstacle planning has a mediumto-large effect on achievement. 9
People take more consistent action and have more consistent practice if they
expect and plan to overcome obstacles, particularly with health behavior.10
Despite good intentions, goal setting, and feeling motivated about a new plan,
most people get crushed by the first or second obstacle in their way. Your plans
to overcome the obstacles that always come up are what make the difference in
actually achieving your goals.11 ,12 ,13
Most people fail in behavior change because they repeatedly assume that no
obstacles will come up. They don’t think things through, so they end up with a
really horrible If/Then plan: “IF everything goes perfectly in my life today,
THEN I’ll practice my skills.” Unless you have a charmed life, that’s a recipe for
failure.
Thinking through obstacles is the most important element of behavior change.
There are two things people typically don’t consider:
1. Obstacles are a part of life; we need to accept they’re a part of life and
expect them.
2. Successful food skill practice isn’t a matter of not having obstacles; it’s
a matter of expecting obstacles and planning for them.
There are two kinds of obstacles we face:
1. External obstacles: People bringing pizza to the office, or having a
really stressful and draining workday.
2. Internal obstacles: Examples might be feeling sad, being tired, having
cravings, being angry, or having unwanted thoughts.
Most clients find one of the two obstacles is tougher for them. For some
people, their If/Then planning may all revolve around external obstacles:
IF I have a 12-hour workday every Wednesday,
THEN I need to cook Wednesday’s dinner on Tuesday.
IF I get served too much food at the restaurant,
THEN I need to box some up and take it home.
IF I have eight hours of work on my schedule between lunch and dinner,
THEN I’m going to need a snack halfway in between.
IF I crave a snack at 10:00 a.m.,
THEN I’m going to check to see if it’s been four to six hours since breakfast.
For other people, they’re all internal obstacles:
IF I have a craving for candy in the middle of the afternoon,
THEN I’m going to check to see if I’m hungry for a balanced meal.
IF I have a stressful day at work,
THEN I’m going to veg out on TV after I put the kids to bed.
IF I feel sad,
THEN I’m going to go for a walk.
IF I feel bored,
THEN I’m going to work on a craft.
Or we can look at internal obstacles from acceptance:
IF I have a craving for candy in the middle of the afternoon,
THEN I’m going to remember it’s normal to crave candy.
IF I have a stressful day at work,
THEN I’m going to remember it’s okay that work is stressful sometimes.
IF I feel sad,
THEN I’m going to remember it’s normal and human to feel sad sometimes.
IF I feel bored,
THEN I’m going to remember it’s normal and human to feel bored
sometimes.
Most people find if they do just a little reflection on the previous week, they
can anticipate what obstacles they might find in the upcoming week.
Reflection is a useful tool, and it’s totally necessary in your If/Then planning.
Consider all of the skills and Meta-skills and take some time each week and
reflect on how things are going.
IF/THEN PLANNING ON YOUR SKILLS TRACKER
The second week, we’re going to add an If/Then plan to your tracker and plan
to overcome an obstacle each week.
DAY: M T W TH F SA SU
Plate balanced portions
3 0
2
3
DURING
MEALS
Put the fork down between
bites
Eat a meal every four to six
hours (without snacking in
between)
1 2
1
1
3 3
3
3
2 4
3
3
BETWEEN
MEALS Distinguish true hunger from
cravings, boredom, tiredness,
emotions, or thoughts
VALUES
Persistence, compassion,
(LIST THREE) connectedness
X
X
IF/THEN If: I get stressed at work
I’m going to walk a lap
PLANNING Then:
around the building
X
X
If/Then planning is personal—it works better if you come up with your own
plan.
THE TEN TURNING POINTS
The Ten Turning Points are ten things my most successful clients always figure
out after about a year of practicing the eating skills.
I went through my client notes, mapped them, and now I give them to clients
ahead of time. It can still take time to fully internalize, but people now often
have massive turning points in their practice in weeks or months that used to
take a year.
To start, I’m just going to give you a preview of three:
THREE OF THE TEN TURNING
POINTS
WHAT WORKS
WHAT CAUSES
FAILURE
Practicing excellence and selfcompassion
Practicing perfectionism
Engagement/flow/goldilocksing
Too much or too little all the time
Weight loss comes from self-care
Weight loss comes from
punishment
PERFECTIONISM VERSUS EXCELLENCE
There was really interesting research done on “positive perfectionism” versus
“negative perfectionism.” They found there’s no such thing as positive
perfectionism; perfectionism always has a negative outcome.281 Perfectionism is
about shame, negative self-evaluations, and concern for mistakes.282,283
Perfectionism is distinguished by quitting, and accompanied by lower
wellbeing.284,285,286
You know people are perfectionist about their nutrition when any time they
“blow their diet,” they quit for the rest of the week…or the rest of the month.287
Sometimes, they quit for the rest of the year. Their perfectionism results in
practicing a lot of quitting.
On the other hand, let’s look at the pursuit of excellence. Pursuit of excellence
is defined by practicing, making mistakes, and practicing more. This represents
understanding that excellence requires making mistakes and learning from them.
Pursuit of excellence means you keep practicing even after you make multiple
mistakes, and continue to make mistakes.
With workouts, pursuit of excellence means doing what you can, whenever
you can. Sometimes, that will be full workouts; other times, it’s half workouts.
Sometimes it’s three workouts per week, and other times, it’s one or two. It’s
continuing to get your workouts, even when those workouts aren’t as often or as
long as you’d like.
The turning point is to notice when you’re having perfectionist thoughts. It’s
okay to have perfectionist thoughts; you just don’t act on them by quitting.
Notice those perfectionist thoughts, but continue to practice your eating skills
and workout program anyway.
PERFECTIONISM VERSUS SELF-COMPASSION
It turns out, the primary difference between perfectionism and the pursuit of
excellence is self-compassion.14 Self-compassion is what determines whether our
pursuits will build us up or destroy us.
Perfectionism has everything to do with living in a fantasyland where we can
do everything perfectly. It would be cool if that was possible, but we aren’t
robots. We’re humans. Humans make mistakes. Humans feel bad. Humans are,
by nature, imperfect.
Perfectionism is an unwillingness to do work when confronted with our own
humanity. It’s abdicating responsibility every time we see evidence of being
human.
Self-compassion is acknowledging it’s normal to make mistakes. It’s normal to
have all kinds of emotions. It’s normal to have cravings. It’s normal to make
mistakes. It’s normal to feel guilty about making mistakes.
Self-compassion is noticing that all of our judgments about ourselves are just
thoughts; it’s noticing we’ve had judgmental thoughts, maybe for decades, and
that it’s a habit. We know we don’t need to debate them; we don’t need to figure
out if they’re true or false; we don’t need to fight or change them; and we don’t
need repeat them and beat ourselves up. Self-compassion is noticing these are
just thoughts and forgiving ourselves when they show up.
Self-compassion is continuing to practice our eating skills and workouts
simply because they’re self-care.
Self-compassion is reminding ourselves that no matter how together everyone
else looks on the outside, everyone has human issues. People have different easy
and difficult things in their lives, but everyone has hard things. Everyone makes
mistakes. We’re human.
SELF-KINDNESS VERSUS SELF-COMPASSION
A common misconception about self-compassion is that it’s “letting yourself
off of the hook.” Nothing could be further from the truth. Sometimes, but not
always, self-kindness is letting yourself off the hook. Sometimes, self-kindness
is a glass of wine after a long day at work—and sometimes, that’s totally
appropriate.
Self-compassion is something else.
Where self-kindness can just be “treat yourself,” self-compassion is values-led
behavior.
Self-compassion often includes the very hard work of coming to terms with
our imperfections, experiencing normal human pain, knowing what really
matters to us, and taking actions that take care of our well-being in the long
term.
ENGAGEMENT/FLOW/GOLDILOCKSING VERSUS TOO
MUCH OR TOO LITTLE
Humans love doing things that are engaging. A meta-analysis of 28 research
studies found that the right balance of skill and challenge is a robust predictor of
engagement and flow.15
If something is too challenging, we get crushed.
If something is too easy, we get bored.
When something is right at the edge of our abilities or just beyond our
comfort zone, it’s engaging. That’s where we find flow.
Most people in the diet world do too much…all the time. They sprint out of the
gate, trying something way too hard and unsustainable, then they crash and burn.
Most people in the habit world do too little…all the time. They build such
small habits and progress so slowly, and they get bored.
In Lean and Strong, we’re going to do an approach where we customize your
practice to be engaging and challenging. We want to be just at the edge of your
abilities.
People have different tolerances for making mistakes. This has a lot to do with
our history of success or failure in a certain thing. In general, when we have a
history of success with something, we tend to look at mistakes as learning
experiences.
On the other hand, when we have a history of failure, we often imagine
mistakes as a personal failing. It’s normal to have different tolerances for
mistakes in different areas of your life. You should expect that the longer you
practice skills, the more comfortable you’ll get with mistakes as an important
part of learning.
Rules of thumb:
If you don’t make mistakes, the endeavor is probably too easy.
If you make mistakes 10–15% of the time, it’s probably right at the level
of challenge where it’s engaging.
If you make mistakes more than 15% of the time, you’ve probably set
your practice up to be too hard.
For your food skill practice, it’s fine to plan to work on a skill or guideline at
just one meal per day if that’s how much you can expect to be successful 85% of
the time. Some skills are harder than others. Sometimes for an easier skill, we
can start shooting for practicing at every meal. Other times, for a harder skill we
might practice only three or four times per week. All practice is good practice;
just set it up so you’re successful 85% of the time.
For workouts, your form should be really tight 85% of the time. Most lifts
should look perfect. Once in a while, you’re going to push the weight up and
things might be a little sloppier that first workout. That’s fine as long as you’re
within a safe range—just stay there until your form is awesome again.
LEAN AND STRONG AS SELF-CARE VERSUS LEAN AND
STRONG AS PUNISHMENT
Self-care is a big topic and nearly completely misunderstood in the world of
fitness. We’re going to cover it in depth in The Ten Turning Points section and
go even deeper in The Wise Five section, outlining the three different kinds of
self-care.
What you need to know this first month is that the people who are the most
successful treat their food skill practice and their workouts as a self-care.
You know people are destined for failure if they treat their diets like
punishment for feeling fat. If they think suffering is the key to weight loss,
they’re never going to last more than a couple months. Weight loss as suffering
and punishment is the context for repeated weight loss failure…for the rest of
your life.
Similarly, when people use workouts as punishment for something they ate,
these are people who are never going to be lean or strong. They’re teaching
themselves to hate their workouts. I mean, who likes being punished? What’s
more, it’s not an even slightly effective strategy for weight loss (that’s what
eating skills are for).
I don’t know who first said, “Workouts aren’t punishment for what you ate;
they’re a celebration of what your body can do,” but no truer words were ever
spoken. The people who are the strongest are those who use working out as a
way to feel better in their bodies. The people who are the leanest are those who
treat their workouts as their time to take care of themselves and to reduce stress.
The people who use workouts as “me time,” as something wonderful they can
do for their bodies, work out forever. People who practice the eating skills
because they like the way they feel do their eating skills forever.
Our current diet and fitness world is built around the idea of working out and
dieting as punishment. The punishment messages are everywhere. You might
hear them from friends or read them online, or even hear them from trainers. I
don’t expect you to stop having those thoughts. It’s now a matter of no longer
feeding or acting on those thoughts. Instead, focus on your values and take
actions in line with them.
Some of the best self-care a person can do is to practice eating skills and to
work out. But the context with which you do those things matters. If you do
them coming from a place of punishment, you’ll fail and quit…over and over
again.
If you do it coming from a place of your personal values, you’ll find your
workouts and skill practice to be the foundation of your personal self-care
routine.
DAY: M T W TH F SA SU
DATE:
Plate balanced portions
3
0 2
3
DURING
MEALS
Put the fork down between
bites
Eat a meal every four to six
hours (without snacking in
between)
1
2 1
1
3
3 3
3
2
4 3
3
X
X
BETWEEN
MEALS Distinguish true hunger from
cravings, boredom, tiredness,
emotions, or thoughts
IF/THEN If: I get stressed at work
I’m going to walk a lap
PLANNING Then:
around the building
TURNING
POINT
Practicing excellence and selfcompassion
X X X
TURNING POINTS
ON YOUR SKILL TRACKER
You’re going to start by putting the one Turning Point you’re focusing on into
your tracker. You can note any time you reflect on that turning point or use it to
make a decision about your skill practice in a given week.
VALUES REFLECTION
Of the five elements in The Wise Five, we’re going to start with (arguably) the
most important: personal values—values are what drive your intrinsic
motivation. Intrinsic motivation is one of the most important factors in long-term
success with fitness behavior.16,17
Values show up in The Meta-skills, The Ten Turning Points, and in The Wise
Five. Given how often they show up, here is a short introduction.
Goals: A goal is a destination point. It’s something you can measure. It has a
clear ending. It’s like hitting a certain number of pullups, or hitting a certain
scale weight.
Values: A value is a direction. The direction never ends. It’s like being a good
parent or being a good friend—there’s no end; it’s an expression of who you
want to be. You could also call it character strength.
Values are often made to seem lofty or grand, but in Lean and Strong, they’re
much simpler than that. Your values are just what matters to you, the kind of
person you want to be, and what you stand for.
The irony of values and goals is that people who take a values perspective to
their food skill and workout practice tend to hit their goals. On the flip side,
people who put their body image goals first often struggle to hit those goals or to
maintain them for any length of time. Again, there are multiple in-depth
explanations of how and why that works later in the book.
For now, just know that being the kind of person you want to be is the most
effective way to become lean and strong.
The values exercise on the next page shows up three times in this book. It’s the
simplest and most accessible of all the values reflections, and it’s worth doing at
least three times. Each time you do it, you’ll have a better idea of how it fits into
your practice and into your life. The cool thing is, research shows that all we
have to do to increase our intrinsic motivation is to reflect on our values
weekly.18
The Wise Five section of the book will have 12 weeks of values reflections to
do in your journal. For now, it’s enough to circle a few values and begin thinking
how your food skill practice and workouts line up with your values. If they
don’t, begin to adjust your skill practice so your values are better expressed.
It’s funny, but being the kind of person we want to be in the world really is just
as simple as clarifying our values and adjusting our actions to match. It’s
knowing the character strengths we’d like to express in the world, and practicing
them. When being lean and strong is simply an expression of your values, you’ll
be lean and strong for life.
Make sure to write your top three values at the bottom of your eating skills
tracker.
YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR TOP ONE TO THREE
VALUES FROM THIS CHART
OR COME UP WITH YOUR OWN.
Acceptance
Flexibility
Play
Adventure
Freedom
Reciprocity
Assertiveness
Friendship
Respect
Authenticity
Forgiveness
Resourcefulness
Balance
Fun
Responsibility
Beauty
Generosity
Romance
Caring
Gratitude
Safety
Challenge
Home
Self-awareness
Collaboration
Honesty
Self-care
Community
Humor
Self-discipline
Compassion
Humility
Self-expression
Connection
Industriousness
Self-respect
Contribution
Independence
Service
Cooperation
Intimacy
Skillfulness
Courage
Joy
Spirituality
Creativity
Justice
Stewardship
Curiosity
Kindness
Strength
Design
Knowledge
Supportiveness
Dignity
Leadership
Teamwork
Diversity
Learning
Tradition
Encouragement
Love
Trustworthiness
Ethics
Loyalty
Understanding
Equality
Mindfulness
Uniqueness
Excitement
Order
Usefulness
Exploration
Open-mindedness
Vision
Fairness
Optimism
Vulnerability
Faith
Patience
Wellbeing
Family
Persistence
Wholeheartedness
Fitness
Personal Development
Wisdom
SAMPLE SKILLS TRACKER
DAY: M T W TH F SA SU
DATE:
DURING
MEALS
Plate balanced portions
3 0
2
3
Put the fork down between
bites
1 2
1
1
Eat a meal every four to six
hours
(without snacking in between)
3 3
3
3
2 4
3
3
BETWEEN
MEALS Distinguish true hunger from
cravings, boredom, tiredness,
emotions, or thoughts
IF/THEN If: I get stressed at work
I’m going to walk a lap
PLANNING Then:
around the building
TURNING
POINT
Practicing excellence and
self-compassion vs.
perfectionism
VALUES
X
X
X X X
Persistence, compassion, connectedness
(LIST THREE)
SKILLS TRACKER FOR YOUR FIRST FOUR WEEKS
WEEK ONE
DAY: M T W TH F SA SU
DURING
MEALS
Plate balanced portions
Put the fork down between
bites
Eat a meal every four to
six hours
BETWEEN
MEALS
Wait ten minutes before
having a snack
WEEK TWO
DAY: M T W TH F SA SU
DURING
MEALS
Plate balanced portions
Put the fork down between
bites
Eat a meal every four to six
hours
(without snacking in between)
BETWEEN
MEALS Distinguish true hunger from
cravings, boredom, tiredness,
emotions, or thoughts
IF/THEN If:
PLANNING Then:
WEEK THREE
DAY: M T W TH F SA SU
DURING
MEALS
Plate balanced portions
BETWEEN
MEALS
Eat a meal every four to
six hours
Put the fork down between
bites
Wait ten minutes before
having a snack
IF/THEN
PLANNING
If:
Then:
TURNING
POINT
Practicing excellence and
self-compassion
WEEK FOUR
DAY: M T W TH F SA SU
DURING
MEALS
Plate balanced portions
Put the fork down between
bites
Eat a meal every four to six
hours
(without snacking in between)
BETWEEN
MEALS Distinguish true hunger from
cravings, boredom, tiredness,
emotions, or thoughts
IF/THEN If:
PLANNING Then:
TURNING
POINT
Engagement/flow/goldilocksing
VALUES
(LIST THREE)
YOUR FIRST MONTH OF WORKOUTS
The next pages will show your first month of workouts. There are 12 workouts
to do over the course of the month, so you’ll do about three workouts per week.
The workouts in this section are at an intermediate level, with medium volume.
The intermediate,
medium-volume workouts will be the best place to start for the majority of
readers.
This book will have workouts in three levels of complexity: beginning,
intermediate, and advanced. Those three workouts will have three different
levels of volume: low, medium, and high. The “volume” of a workout program is
the amount of work you’re doing.
We’re going to measure the amount of work you are doing by the number of
sets. The intermediate workouts are medium complexity, and the volume is the
medium total amount of work. It’s the best place to start for most people, but the
workout section will show you how to customize the skill level and volume for
your individual situation.
The workout section starts on page 119. You’ll find the workout program
options in the appendices, with beginner workouts starting on page 281,
intermediate workouts on page 289, and advanced workouts on page 309.
The first page includes all of the odd workouts—1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11—and the
second page has all of the even workouts—2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12. You’ll flip the page
every other workout to do the workouts in numerical order.
To be clear:
Do three workouts per week.
Do the workouts in numerical order: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…just like counting.
It could look like:
Workout one on Monday
Workout two on Wednesday
Workout three on Friday
And so on.
The actual days you do the workouts don’t matter, but try to avoid doing two
back to back if you can. Sometimes that’s unavoidable, and doing two workouts
back to back is still better than skipping one.
Adjust the weight on each exercise so the workouts are appropriately
challenging. If the workouts seem way too easy, increase the weight. If the
workouts seem too hard, decrease the weight. If you blow through the workout
in 15 minutes, the weights are too light. If the workout takes you two hours, the
weights are too heavy. Adjust the weights of each exercise so all of the exercises
are similar in difficulty to the other exercises in the workout.
Notice that the volume of work (the number of sets of each exercise) increases
over the course of the month. You’ll start off with two sets of everything, and by
the end of the month you’ll be doing three or four sets of everything.
All of the exercises are grouped either in supersets (two exercises back to
back) or tri-sets (three exercises back to back to back). Either way, do all of the
exercises in that group, then rest. In the tri-sets, the first two are strength
exercises; the third, in italics, is a mobility exercise.
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
INTERMEDIATE MEDIUM VOLUME—MONTH ONE, ODD WOR
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
BAND DEAD
BUGS
2x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
TRAP BAR
DEADLIFTS
2x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
PUSHUPS
2x
max
3x
max
3x
max
3x
max
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
SINGLECABLE
ROWS
2x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
SPLIT
SQUATS
2x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
1x10
2x10
3x10
4x10
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
INTERMEDIATE MEDIUM VOLUME—MONTH ONE, EVEN WOR
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
PALLOF
PRESSES
2x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
ASSISTED
CHIN-UPS
2x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
DOUBLEKETTLEBELL
FRONT
SQUATS
2x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
75° INCLINE
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
2x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
ONEKETTLEBELL
COSSACK
DEADLIFTS
2x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
1x10
2x10
3x10
4x10
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
OPTIONAL BONUS CONDITIONING: DAN JOHN’S HUMANE
BURPEE
WORKOUTS WORKOUTS WORKOUTS WORKOUTS WORKOU
1&2
3&4
5&6
7&8
15 swings
5 squats
5 pushups
15 swings
5 squats
5 pushups
15 swings
5 squats
5 pushups
15 swings
5 squats
5 pushups
15 swings
5 squats
5 pushups
15 swings
5 squats
5 pushups
15 swings
4 squats
4 pushups
15 swings
4 squats
4 pushups
15 swings
4 squats
4 pushups
15 swings
4 squats
4 pushups
15 swings
4 squats
4 pushups
15 swings
3 squat
3 pushup
15 swings
3 squats
3 pushups
15 swings
3 squats
3 pushups
15 swings
3 squats
3 pushups
15 swings
2 squat
2 pushup
15 swings
2 squats
2 pushups
15 swings
2 squats
2 pushups
15 swings
1 squat
1 pushup
15 swings
1 squat
1 pushup
Let’s discuss Dan John’s famous “humane” burpee. Believe it or not, lots of
people think it’s “fun” to do humane burpees at the end of the workout instead of
five sets of one-arm kettlebell swings. That’s totally an option.
I’m not a fan of normal burpees—they get so ugly, so fast. Most people doing
burpees mess them up six different ways:
The squat down is an ugly squat;
The jump back lands really hard;
The low back sags on the pushups;
They’re too tight to jump their feet back under them;
They jump with little explosiveness;
And then they land hard and inefficiently.
Pretty much every part of the burpee is terrible.
The humane burpee gets all of the conditioning work of a regular burpee, and
yet people are able to do it well. If you can swing, do goblet squats, and pushups,
combine those. If you can’t yet do full pushups, knee pushups are cool to start. If
form starts to come apart, stop and catch your breath.
If that’s hard to read, just do it in this order:
Swings x 15, Goblet Squats x 5, Pushups x 5
Swings x 15, Goblet Squats x 4, Pushups x 4
Swings x 15, Goblet Squats x 3, Pushups x 3
Swings x 15, Goblet Squats x 2, Pushups x 2
Swings x 15, Goblet Squats x 1, Pushups x 1
You could also use humane burpees as an optional conditioning day or you
could use them on a day when you don’t have time to get a full workout. Feel
free to substitute humane burpees for any of the conditioning work during any
month you like.
HOW TO USE THIS BOOK
Don’t Diet
The first step is to stop doing things that don’t work
Eating Skills and Workout Skills
What skills to practice to get lean and strong
Meta-skills
How to practice the skills so your practice is successful each week
The Ten Turning Points
How to think about your skills practice so you don’t sabotage your results
every eight weeks
The Wise Five
Understanding intrinsic motivation and how it works
You may or may not need to read this entire book. It’s designed to have the
most immediately useful material up front and the important long-term concepts
in the back. You can start practicing as soon as you start reading, and simply
work your way back as much as needed.
PART ONE: DON’T DIET
AND DON’T DO ONE-OFF WORKOUTS
This is what 90% of the fitness and diet fields are trying to sell you. You need
to know what this means so you can avoid it. Most of what you see and hear
about diet and fitness on a day-to-day basis is a trap that keeps
people in a cycle of failure. Step one is getting out of the failure cycle.
This part is what not to do.
Ironically, we’re so mired in diet culture, you may have to come back to this
step multiple times.
PART TWO: SKILLS AND PROGRAMS
This is where we’re going to get into the most effective eating skills and
guides. I’m also going to give you the most effective workout skills. If you’re
someone who’s already good at changing habits and behaviors and just needs to
know what to do, you might only need to read through this section.
This part is what to do.
PART THREE: META-SKILLS
Most people need tools for behavior and habit change. Knowing what to do—
even if it’s the best techniques—isn’t enough. The Meta-skills are your step-bystep roadmap of how to make big changes to eating skills and workouts, even if
you’ve never been successful before.
This part is how to do it.
PART FOUR: TURNING POINTS
Honestly, if you practice your skills and Meta-skills for a few years, you will
naturally make these important mindset shifts. And when you have these shifts—
these turning points—that both catapults you to a new level of results and allows
you to keep your results for the rest of your life. Instead of making you practice
for a few years to figure them out, I’m just going to tell you.
This part is what to think about what you’re doing.
PART FIVE: PSYCHOLOGY
Here we are going to look at the psychology of weight loss, motivation, and
wellbeing. We’re going to build tools for a better body image. This is the section
about how to not only hit your goals, but also to create a healthy relationship to
your body, to food, and to your workouts. This is where people create a kind of
peace around fitness, food, and a body they never could have imagined. We
already have a few decades of research on how to do this. It works really well
both in research and with clients, but no one else in the fitness field is giving you
this information. Here’s where you get that information.
This section is where you transform your relationship to what you’re doing.
READ WHAT YOU NEED
You might not need to read all of this. And you definitely shouldn’t wait to
start practicing until after you’ve finished reading.
A person who’s great at habit change and food behavior and workouts might
only need to read sections one and two. Either way, after reading those sections,
everyone should start practicing. In fact, start practicing even before you’re done
with them.
A person who needs a really powerful strategy to make changes in life related
to food or workouts could read sections one, two, and three.
Someone who is doing well with one, two, and three, but still hits roadblocks
should read section four.
And people who want to finally be at peace with their bodies can read section
five.
Feel free to pick and choose. Skip around. Read what you need. Start
practicing immediately.
THE TWO PYRAMIDS OF LEANNESS AND STRENGTH
To get lean and strong, your work will mostly be about not dieting, practicing
eating skills, and utilizing the Meta-skills. These three should be your biggest
focus for your first year of practice.
After one to three years, the pyramid flips:
The Wise Five and The Ten Turning Points will be what you use to maintain
your leanness and strength for the future. You’ll also continue to utilize The
Meta-skills. This flip of the pyramid is an important progression to work toward
—this is how your practice should grow over the rest of your life.
By the time you get there “lean” and “strong” might take on new definitions
for you. You’ll see “lean” as being efficient, economical, and agile in pursuit of
your goals, and “strong” will show up as doing what matters to you, even when
it’s hard. We’ll dig in on more about that at the end of the book.
MOTIVATION DROPS
IN WEEKS THREE AND SIX
After years of working with clients, I know I can predict a motivation drop at
either week three or week six. This is where the novelty of a program starts to
wear off and the fact it’s going to be work sets in. Something comes up at work
or with your kids, you just feel tired one day, or you miss doing the food
preparation you were doing every week when you were excited about the
process. You get the idea: Things come up and you stop “feeling it.”
At the same time, it’s too early to have seen amazing results. Whatever your
goal, you haven’t hit it yet. The burst of excitement that comes from seeing big
changes hasn’t kicked in. Even if you can tell the results are coming, or you’ve
seen small successes, the big goals start to feel really far away…so, so far away.
So, you miss a workout, or forget to track your skills for a week. Things just start
to slide off.
This is where most coaches give you a silly pep talk. I’m not going to do that.
I’m going to let you know everything you’re feeling is totally normal. Almost
everyone has a dip in motivation at week three or week six—almost everyone.
When most people miss something that week (like a workout or skill practice),
they feel like a failure and quit. Other people think if they don’t feel motivated, it
must be the wrong program…and quit—and then go find another program they
will quit at week three.
People quit at predictable times.
I just want you to know and expect this. People do really well if they just keep
practicing. They practice even if they don’t feel it. They keep practicing even if
they sort of wake up and realize they didn’t do anything for a week. They just
get back to practicing.
If your week three or week six sucks, no prob—you’re a normal human being.
The people who hit their goals are the people who keep practicing their workouts
and eating skills even after these predictable drops in motivation. If you want to
hit your goals, keep practicing.
CHAPTER TWO
DON’T DIET
DIETING PREDICTS WEIGHT GAIN
Statistically, dieting is a strong predictor of weight gain.
A meta-analysis of 40 studies on long-term weight loss involving a total of
54,127 normal-weight participants found that dieting was not predictive of
weight loss. Let me repeat:—Statistically, dieting isn’t associated with weight
loss in the long term. People lose weight, then gain it all back, or gain it all
back…plus more.
In 75% of those studies, dieting strongly predicted weight gain.19 That means if
we were betting on whether or not a person would lose or gain weight in the long
term, we’d be safe betting that someone who repeatedly diets will gain weight.
The findings of a five-year longitudinal study, “Project EAT-II” published in
the Journal of the American Dietetic Association in 2007, showed that dieting
predicted binge eating in adolescents.
A review in American Psychologist, “Medicare’s search for effective obesity
treatments: Diets are not the answer,” showed that two-thirds of all people who
diet will gain the weight back in one year. Nearly all of them will gain it back
within five years. One-third of all dieters will gain back more than they
lost…each time they diet.
Dieting seems to predispose people to emotional eating, cravings, and binge
eating. Dieting starts a cycle of restricting and overeating.20
Many of us have had the same experience, or know someone who’s had that
experience—they lose 15 pounds, then gain back 17. While it looks like the diet
works in the short term, the long-term trend is weight gain.
We’re going to call this “The Diet Cycle of Failure.”
THE PROS AND CONS OF DIFFERENT DIETS
DIET
PROS
CONS
Learn that
hunger
isn’t an
emergency
Simple
INTERMITTENT
FASTING
One less
meal to
think about
and
prepare
Reduces
calories
Makes no difference
in weight loss
You can just as easily learn that
hunger isn’t an emergency by fasting
four to six hours between meals,
even having breakfast
Teaches you to ignore true hunger in
the morning
Allows for
flexibility in
food
choices
Makes no difference
in weight loss
PALEO
Protein is
good
You can have protein, fruit,
vegetables, and fat in a lessneedlessly restrictive diet
Fruit is
good
Makes people afraid
of certain foods, without cause
Vegetables People doing the high volume Lean
and Strong programs will do better
are good
with starchy carbs that paleo doesn’t
Fat is good allow
Black-and-white food rules are the
top psychological predictor of weightloss failure
Makes no difference
in weight loss
Any diet that doesn’t include fruit is
completely ridiculous
Protein is
good
KETOGENIC DIET
You can have protein, vegetables,
and fat in a less-needlessly
restrictive diet
Vegetables Making people afraid of an entire
macronutrient should be criminal
are good
Fat is good People doing the high volume Lean
and Strong programs will be more
effective with the starchy carbs that
keto doesn’t allow
Black-and-white food rules are the
top psychological predictor of weightloss failure
Makes no difference
in weight loss
Protein is
good
EATING CLEAN
The difference between “clean” and
“dirty” foods is entirely made up, and
the ideas are different depending on
whom you ask
“Clean” and “dirty” moralizes food in
a way that increases emotional
eating, increases food reactivity, and
Vegetables it increases binge eating for many
are good
people
Fat is good Making people afraid
of certain foods should be criminal
Fruit is
good
Black-and-white food rules are the
top psychological predictor of weightloss failure
Fish,
chicken,
and eggs
are good
Fruit is
good
Legumes
are good
Makes no difference
MEDITERRANEAN Vegetables in weight loss
are good
Cuts out more foods than necessary
DIET
Olive oil
and
avocados
are good
Whole
grains are
good
People
enjoy it
Fruit is
good
VEGAN
Vegetables Makes no difference
are good
in weight loss
PlantRequires intentionality to get enough
based fat
protein from plant sources
is good
Requires intentionality to
May fit
compensate for missing nutrients
ethical or
religious
beliefs
TRACKING SYSTEMS
DIET
PROS
CONS
High failure rate
CALORIE
COUNTING
MEAL
PLAN
Reducing
calories
always
causes
weight loss
Reducing
calories
always
causes
weight loss
Tedious
Counting calories is an “after the fact”
measure, not an “on the court” measure like
skill practice
Can cause and/or exacerbate emotional eating,
stress eating, and cravings
for some people
High failure rate
Tedious
People don’t know what to eat when meal plan
meals are not available
It’s simple
High failure rate
POINT
SYSTEM
Reducing
calories
always
causes
weight loss
Tedious
Counting points is an “after the fact” measure,
not an “on the court” measure like skill practice
Can cause or exacerbate emotional eating,
stress eating, and cravings
for some people
Reducing
calories
always
causes
weight loss
MACRO
TRACKING
Helps
people
learn to eat
balanced
meals
High failure rate
Tedious
Counting macros is an “after the fact” measure,
not an “on the court” measure such as skill
practice
More
flexible
than dieting
POLITICS, RELIGION,
AND CARBOHYDRATES
Talking about carbohydrates these days has become as heated as arguing about
politics and religion.
If you’re old enough to remember “low fat,” you know how sad it is to see
people caught up in a new “magic macronutrient” fad. In the 1980s, everyone
was sure fat was the evil macro. It’s hilarious to see the same fad happen again…
with carbs.
Neither one is wrong in the strictest sense:
1. If you eat too much fat, you’ll get too many calories, and you’ll gain
weight.
2. If you eat too many carbohydrates, you’ll get too many calories, and
you’ll gain weight.
A metabolic ward study is the ultimate in nutrition research. In a metabolic
ward, study participants are literally locked in and everything they eat is served
to them with the highest accuracy. They’re monitored to make sure they eat
exactly as the study is designed. On top of that, doubly labeled water (water
containing two heavy isotopes) is used to measure people’s metabolic rate. They
measure and compare the elimination of the two isotopes and get a near-perfect
measurement of metabolic rate.
A metabolic ward study in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition
compared a ketogenic diet (exactly 30 grams of carbohydrates) with a high
carbohydrate diet (300 grams of carbohydrates) over four weeks. What was
super cool about this study was that they kept the protein and calories the same
in both groups. Weight loss was the same between groups. 21
This is consistent with other longer-term studies. One randomized controlled
trial followed 609 participants for a year. They compared a “healthy low
carbohydrate” diet with a “healthy low fat” diet, and found no significant
difference in weight loss between the two groups.22
One randomized controlled trial compared four diets: Atkins (low
carbohydrates), Zone (balanced), Ornish (low fat), and Weight Watchers. They
found that which diet a person did was insignificant. The only thing that
predicted weight loss across groups was adherence.23
Another randomized study comparing four different groups with different
ratios of protein, carbohydrates, and fat found the same thing: At one year,
macronutrient ratios people used made no difference; it all came down to
calories.24
Finally, a meta-analysis looking at 48 different randomized controlled trials,
found this to be consistent across all of them. Over the combined 7,286
participants in all of those studies, people using low fat and low carbohydrate
diets both lost the same amount of weight.25 No matter what marketing you’ve
heard, the only thing that matters is calories.
CARBOHYDRATES, STRENGTH,
AND HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
Generally, low carbohydrates aren’t ideal for high intensity training. One study
put athletes in groups with matched calories, but different carbohydrate
percentages, and had them do high intensity training. The athletes in the
ketogenic diet (low carbohydrate) group had 7% less power and covered 15%
less distance.26
With strength, results are more mixed. It seems that with strength training,
whichever group has the highest protein intake gains the most strength,
regardless of carbohydrate or fat percentages.
A randomized controlled trial of low carbohydrate versus low fat diets with
matched protein showed similar increases in strength.27 A study of CrossFit™
athletes found no difference in performance between “moderately low” and high
carbohydrate athletes, but it should be noted that their “moderately low”
carbohydrates were about 12 times more carbohydrates than recommended by
the ketogenic diet.28 In fact, their idea of “moderately low” is pretty close to the
one portion of carbohydrates per meal recommended in this book.
The big issue with most studies is that they often compare a ketogenic diet
with anywhere between 130–180 grams of protein per day against a high
carbohydrate diet with around 80 grams of protein per day.
Of course, 70–80 grams of protein per day is below the protein
recommendations for strength training athletes by the International Olympic
Committee, American Dietetic Association, Dieticians of Canada, and the
American College of Sports Medicine.29,30 It’s likely that for strength, protein is
the most important consideration.
STEPPING OVER DOLLARS
The saying “stepping over dollars to pick up pennies” is my favorite
explanation of diet rules. And that applies to the minutia of every named diet on
the market, even things like “eating clean.”
A randomized controlled trial of processed food versus unprocessed food helps
us understand this. They were given processed food or whole food in a locked
ward where everything they ate, as well as their scale weight, was closely
monitored.
The people in the processed food group ate an extra 508 calories per day, and
gained weight. Basically, people felt less satisfied and ate more. There was no
magic to the processed food; it just wasn’t as filling. There was no magic to the
whole food; it just helped people feel more full. All of the weight gain or loss in
either group was attributable to eating more or fewer calories.31
There’s no magic. Success is just about eating in ways that make you feel more
full and satisfied. Literally every diet you’ve ever heard of is a waste of time: It’s
stepping over dollars (behavioral skills and psychology) to pick up pennies
(magical foods). You have to give up magical thinking if you want to move
forward.
BUT WAIT, MY FRIEND SAID!
Gather ’round children, it’s story time. You see, in the 1980s, we were told fat
was the evil macronutrient and that avoiding fat would be the magic secret to
losing all the weight we wanted to lose. All of a sudden, the words “low fat”
popped up everywhere on snack foods. People talked about how “low fat” they
were eating, gleeful about how it was the key to everything. If you were born in,
say, 1985 or later, I can’t fault you for not remembering.
Some people lost weight. It was because fat has calories and reducing fat
reduced the calories. When “low fat” snack foods appeared, those same people
started snacking between meals again…because fat was the magic ingredient,
and calories didn’t matter. They all gained the weight back.
So, in the 1980s, we were told fat is evil. In the 2010s, we’re told
carbohydrates are evil. The low carb craze of the 2010s looks remarkably like
the low fat craze of the 1980s. Some people lost weight eating low carb because
it lowered their calories. Other people, thinking fat was a magical food with no
calories, started adding extra fat to everything (including putting butter in their
coffee!) and didn’t lose weight. It turns out there aren’t any magical foods.
Look—people love magical thinking.
It’s way nicer to think there’s a magic food that’s the key to everything. But
that’s not real life. If you know someone who lost weight on a low fat diet, it was
because it lowered the calories. If you know someone who lost weight on low
carb, it was because it lowered the calories.
You have to get past thinking any food or food group has magical properties.
This is part of growing up.
WHY DO DIETS WORK
FOR SOME PEOPLE?
Diets do work for a minority of people.
If you were one of the people diets worked for, you’d likely not be reading this
book. Instead, you’ve probably tried five or ten or more diets. Some of my
clients have dieted more times than they can count. Many tell me they started
dieting as young as 12 and have continued to diet all of their adult lives.
If you were in the minority of people whom diets worked for, you’d have
already hit all of your goals, and maintained those results for life.
It’s important, though, to note diets really do work for some people. There’s a
subset of the population—especially people who’ve never had any issues with
emotional eating or food cravings—for whom dieting works really well.
Dieting works better if:
You want to lose weight in the short term;
You have no issues with cravings;
You don’t eat because you’re tired;
You don’t eat because you’re stressed;
You don’t eat because you have unwanted emotions.
A skills-based approach works better if:
You want to lose weight and maintain the weight loss over the long
term;
In the past, you’ve had trouble with cravings;
In the past, you’ve eaten when you were tired;
In the past, you’ve eaten when you were stressed;
In the past, you’ve eaten when you had unwanted emotions.
People who have issues with cravings or eating are less successful with rigid
diet rules than are people who don’t have issues with cravings.32
Rigid diet rules and dichotomous thinking about food—black or white, good
or bad, clean or unclean—is related to weight loss failure. One study with 241
people found that thinking some foods were good and some were bad was linked
to weight regain.33 A study on eating behavior in 2014 found that rigid dieting
predicted weight regain and lower wellbeing.34
One study found that calorie counting predicted weight gain, and rigid dieting
predicted binge eating.35
A one-year weight loss program involving 7,407 people reported in The
International Journal of Eating Behaviors found that rigid dieting was
associated with higher scale weight and increased binge eating.36 That’s a huge
sample size, and the results were remarkably consistent.
In a college population, it was found that rigid dieting predicted increased
eating, increased weight, and increased loss of control around food in both
women and men.37
Interestingly, dieting is just as bad for you if you’re at a healthy weight. A
study looking primarily at normal-weight women found that the women who
used rigid dieting showed symptoms of eating disorders, poor body image, and
mood disturbances. On the flip side, the normal-weight women who didn’t use
rigid dieting strategies had healthy eating habits, better mood, and better body
image.38
Three studies looked at how calorie counting apps trigger, maintain, or
exacerbate eating disorder symptoms. One study of 493 college students, found
that using a calorie tracking app was uniquely associated with eating disorder
symptoms.39 A new study looked at calorie tracking app use by men and found
that the app users had higher disordered eating symptomalogy.40 It’s cool they
studied dudes, as they often get left out of studies like that, but it sucks that guys
are also vulnerable to the negative effects of calorie counting apps.
This isn’t to say calorie counting causes disordered eating or is bad for
everyone, but in that second study, 40% of calorie counting app users felt it
contributed to their disordered eating patterns.
The most damning, a 2004 study in Behavioral Research and Therapy found
that black-and-white thinking about food, such as rigid diet rules, was “the
number one psychological predictor of weight loss failure.”41
In contrast, all of these studies found that a more flexible approach to
managing food intake was more effective for weight loss, weight maintenance,
and wellbeing. That’s why we’ll take a skills-based approach.
One of the most fascinating things found in the research is that people who
have issues with cravings and stress eating need more advanced tools than
people who don’t.42,43,44,45,46
Dieting is basically the simplest and dumbest way to lose weight. It works
really well when losing weight, and is relatively easy. I’m not saying people for
whom dieting works don’t work at it. I’m saying they don’t have to work as hard
as you do.
If losing weight is hard, you need better tools than dieting. Diets may work for
your friend, your personal trainer, or your mom. But, if losing weight is hard for
you, you need better tools. That’s what this book is about—better tools (skills)
that make a difference for a much broader group of people.
The diet profession doesn’t understand you, and it has underserved you. It’s
time to get the tools you deserve, tools that will work for you.
GET BETTER: DIETS TO HABITS, SKILLS, AND METASKILLS
Let’s work our way from the least effective to most effective:
CONCEPT
DIETS
PROS
CONS
Follow these food rules
and lose weight
Requires very
little thinking
High failure rate
You have habits that either propel your behaviors
Much higher
success rate
than diets
HABITS toward your goals or away from your goals.
Change bad habits to good habits.
More accurate
look at how
behavior is
learned
Still sets people up
for the feeling of
being on or off,
which isn’t
accurate
Can be boring
and slow
More effective
than diets or
habits
SKILLS
Everything you’ve ever learned follows a similar
pattern of practice. You start out sucking, and
you get better with more practice. With enough
practice, you master the skills.
Most accurate
look at how
behavior is
learned
It takes practice to
learn skills, and
that’s hard in the
beginning
Lessons learned
in the gym can
be applied to
food, and vice
versa
It’s outside of your
comfort zone
Skills are the most effective. Meta-skills are how you learn the skills. These are
the foundation of this book.
I used to use the word “habits,” but that isn’t as good a metaphor as skills.
Habits feel like you’re always building or removing something. When things
don’t feel effortless, people assume they don’t “have the habit yet” or they “lost
the habit,” neither of which is true.
Eating skills, ironically, work similar to workout skills. You can do pushups
three times per week and get better at pushups. As long as you’re practicing, you
get better.
With diets or habits, people assume they have to nail them every meal or
they’re “off their diet” or “losing their habit.” With skills, on the other hand—as
long as we practice them regularly—we get better. A person doesn’t need to do
kettlebell swings every day to get better. Doing kettlebell swings a few times per
week will increase the skill of kettlebell swings.
Learning to eat slowly is like learning to do kettlebell swings. You could
practice it three times per week and develop the skill. Granted, over time it
makes sense to increase the frequency to more meals, but every week you
practice, you get better.
If you stop playing your guitar for a week, you don’t forget how to play a
guitar. Similarly, if you go to Rome on vacation for a week and don’t think about
your eating skills, you don’t forget them. You might even do some of them
anyway, just because it feels better to eat using your skills. But even if you
ignored the skills completely for a week, you’d still be just as good at them when
you got back—you’d just start practicing again.
DON’T DO ONE-OFF WORKOUTS
The workout version of “don’t diet” is “don’t do one-off workouts.” We have a
society obsessed with random “workout entertainment.” And, that’s okay. If your
workout goal is entertainment, randomness works. It’s even fine for
conditioning. I’m totally cool with workout entertainment; it just doesn’t make
you strong.
Progress is another kind of fun. Since “strong” is in the title of the book and
you bought it, I assume getting stronger is something you want. Many of my
clients think the most fun part is seeing their strength increase. If strength
progress is something you’re up for, random workouts aren’t a good way to get
there.
If someone who has a strength goal tells me, “I love my trainer; we do totally
different workouts all of the time!” I know one of two things: Your trainer is
either an idiot or is actually giving you intelligently planned workouts and
tricking you into thinking they’re different.
Look, most trainers don’t really know how to get results so they basically
hammer you with hard workouts, or entertain you with random workouts.
On the flip side, I totally respect trainers who give people smart workouts and
trick them into thinking they’re random. It’s a pretty great way to meet people
where they are, and also give them something that works. Maybe the sets and
reps stay the same, but they rotate kettlebells one week, dumbbells the next, and
barbells the week after that. Or, they change the rep range in a three-day rotating
cycle, and it feels random to the client. Lastly, I’ve seen trainers just change the
order of the exercises. All of these can be the same smart program, and just look
different.
In this program, I’m not going to trick you. I’m just going to give you a really
intelligent workout program.
Long-term workout programming is called “periodization,” and we know
periodized workouts are more effective than non-periodized workouts.47,48 Also,
the advantage periodized workout programs have over non-periodized programs
increases over time; each month the performance gap widens.49 There are several
kinds of periodization that work. We’re going to use two: block periodization
and undulating periodization.
Research mostly points to undulating periodization being more effective for
people who have been working out more than a year.50 It’s also a little more
complicated, so we’re going to save it for the advanced programs. Block
periodization is simple, it works, and people love it. In the short term, it’s just as
effective as undulating periodization,51 and it’s where I like to start clients for
their first year.
Again, it’s okay to do totally random workouts if you’re just doing it for fun
and entertainment. It will absolutely bring your general fitness up to being better
than if you did nothing at all. Fun and entertainment is cool. But workout
entertainment is another book; the workouts in Lean and Strong are about
getting strong.
If you’re interested in getting strong, you’ll want to do a periodized workout
program.
THIS IS THE FIRST LESSON,
AND YOU WILL REPEAT IT
Most people are constantly bombarded with diet and one-off workout
messages. Pretty much everything you hear from your friends or read online will
be the opposite of what you read in this book.
You’ll be tempted by many diets. You might even slip and start dieting again.
It’s okay; just come back to skills.
You’ll be tempted to turn the skills and guidelines in this book into diet rules.
This is a quick route to a diet cycle of failure. It’s okay; just come back to skills.
You might hear the siren’s song of magical cleanses or ridiculous elimination
programs. It’s okay to want things to be that easy and magical and simple, but
you know they aren’t. Just come back to skills.
You’ll see infographics for one-off workouts; you’ll hear of friends doing
stupid challenges. You may have a coworker who wants you to do some fitness
challenge, even though it doesn’t fit your goals. You may see a great-looking
workout video that promises to destroy you, even though it doesn’t fit your
goals. It’s okay; just come back to your periodized program.
DON’T DO WHAT DOESN’T WORK
Ironically, the most important thing isn’t to do things that work (eating skills
and periodized workout programs). The most important lesson is avoid things
that don’t work (diets and random workouts).
Your first mission, should you choose to accept it, is to avoid the diet cycle of
failure.
Your second mission, should you choose to accept it, is to avoid silly workout
randomness.
CHAPTER THREE
EATING SKILLS
Don’t Diet
The first step is to stop doing things that don’t work
Eating Skills and Workout Skills
What skills to practice to get lean and strong
Meta-skills
How to practice the skills so your practice is successful each week
The Ten Turning Points
How to think about your skills practice so you don’t sabotage your results
every eight weeks
The Wise Five
Understanding intrinsic motivation and how it works
THE DIET CYCLE OF FAILURE
A quick recap of the last chapter: The diet perspective is the path to failure.
The skill perspective makes the most sense in contrast to what doesn’t work.
Most of my clients have failed at five, ten, or more diets. Some of them have
failed at so many diets, they’ve lost count.
The diet cycle of failure looks like this:
1. Rigid diet rules
2. Weight loss
3. Something happens
4. Fall off of rigid diet rules
5. Quit
People will repeat the cycle for years. The worst possible outcome is that
people repeat the cycle with even more rigid diet rules. The thinking is, “If the
last diet wasn’t strict enough, this one will be even stricter!”
The consequence is, they either move faster through the diet cycle of failure, or
they hold on longer and fail more spectacularly. They essentially white knuckle
the rigid dietary rules until they snap, which is followed by a free-for-all
resembling binge eating.
There are some things we talked about in the last chapter about rigid diet rules:
1. They are the number one psychological predictor of weight loss failure.
2. They reduce people’s subjective wellbeing (life satisfaction).
3. They are related to a much worse body image.
4. They increase binge eating episodes.
So, rigid diet rules are the path to failure, hating your body, and binge eating.
Are you ready to get off the diet cycle of failure?
One study, “Why Diets Fail,” found three reasons people fail in the diet
phase: dichotomous thinking, thought suppression, and cravings. 52 They defined
the “diet phase” as an imposition of rigid rules about food and drastic changes to
food intake.
All three of these led to some version of a “binge.” I put binge in quotes
because they weren’t talking about binge eating disorder; they were talking
about binge eating behavior purely brought on as a reaction to dieting.
1. Dichotomous thinking: This food is “good” and that one is “bad;” this
food is “clean” and this one is “dirty.”
2. Thought suppression: Don’t think about wanting that; trying to suppress
cravings, feelings, or thoughts.
3. Cravings: I see that food I can’t have and I want it more.
We can flip the reasons for diet failure and create a skill plan for success:
1. Continuum thinking: Food is on a continuum with many shades of gray.
Some foods and some balances of foods will keep you full for longer
than others. There’s no magic.
2. Thought acceptance: It’s normal to have thoughts. It’s normal to have
feelings. I can have thoughts and notice them. In noticing my thoughts
and accepting them, I’m better able to take care of myself and do things
that matter to me.
3. Flexibility: Practice saying “yes” to treats sometimes, and practice
saying “no” to treats sometimes. Figure out the balance that fits your
personal values.
The way most people have been taught to relate to dieting is a perfect plan for
failure. The path to success is to notice diet thoughts—in our diet-obsessed
culture, you’re going to keep having them so you might as well accept them—
and then practice the opposite of diet thoughts listed above: continuum thinking,
thought acceptance, and flexibility.
SKILLS, NOT DIETS
Skills promote better body image, have a higher success rate with weight loss,
and increase subjective wellbeing. They’re literally the inverse of rigid diet
rules.
The benefits of food skill approach:
1. Both short-term and long-term weight loss success;
2. Increased subjective wellbeing (life satisfaction);
3. Better body image;
4. Eliminate the cycle of restricting and overeating;
5. Challenge and mastery experiences related to greater self-efficacy;
6. Challenge is related to engagement and fun;
7. Everyone gets better at skills with practice.
If I have a mission in life, it’s to educate people on the pitfalls of rigid diet
rules. I want to help people understand the research all points to rigid diet rules
being a recipe for failure and making your life worse.
And then to flip it—I want to educate people about how a skill-based approach
is the most effective way to lose weight and produces the longest lasting results.
If you’re interested in losing weight once and then being done with it, skills are
the only option.
On top of that, the skill-based approach is challenging, fun, and builds selfefficacy. There’s something inherently awesome about seeing yourself progress
in skill practice. As humans, we’re wired to enjoy playing games right at the
edge of our skill levels. And we love to see our skill practice improve.
WHAT I LEARNED
WITH ONE BY ONE NUTRITION
The coolest part about writing Fat Loss Happens on Monday was how many
people I got exposed to. In the year immediately following the release of the
book, I was interviewed by podcasters and invited to speak all over the country
and got to hang out with some of the smartest people in the fitness and nutrition
fields.
Steven “Coach Stevo” Ledbetter invited me to speak at the Oakland Motivate
Summit about coaching food habits. Georgie Fear, author of Lean Habits, was
also speaking about coaching food habits. Our talks fit together so seamlessly
that afterward, a dozen personal trainers in attendance came up to Georgie and
me and asked us if we had a mentorship for trainers.
I’d just met Georgie and her husband, Roland Fisher, the day before, but we
were already three peas in a pod. While it seemed a little silly to start a project
together the day after meeting, it also totally made sense. We figured if it sucked,
we could just walk away. We told the trainers we’d start a mentorship for
coaching food habits in a couple months, after we had some time to put it
together.
Getting to work with Georgie and Roland on the trainer mentorship over the
next year was amazing, and completely transformed how I coach food. The
addictive part of being a teacher is that the teacher always learns the most. First,
getting to understand something well enough that you can explain it clearly
really nails things down. Second, having 30 other coaches using those
techniques with their clients and then reporting back multiplied the number of
clients we got to test with our ideas. I learned even more hearing how people
used the skills with their clients, and what worked and didn’t.
I tried the food habits from Georgie’s book, Lean Habits, and I was sure they
wouldn’t work. The whole “intuitive eating” vibe of the book seemed a little too
good to be true. I really respect Georgie (she’s a genius), but I still didn’t think
people could be taught to regulate the quantity of food they ate (and thus their
bodyweight) entirely off of their own hunger and fullness cues.
I started with one of her habits, “Eat three or four meals per day.” This made
sense on paper—people eat a ton of extra calories snacking between meals and
those calories don’t provide anywhere near the fullness per calorie that meals do.
In her book, Georgie broke down the science and physiology on why—she’s a
Registered Dietician and has a research interest in the physiology of satiety so
she was pretty convincing. Meanwhile, I looked up the psychology of snacking
and found that—psychologically—we don’t relate to snacks the same way we
relate to meals. Aside from the fact that some of the reasons people snack aren’t
hunger related (boredom, stress, sadness), we assume snacks won’t be as filling.
We later want food sooner than if we’d eaten the same calories and content in a
meal.
Trying “Eat three or four meals per day” with clients was mind-blowing. First,
people lost weight with little or no difference in actual hunger. Second, people
learned to distinguish between true hunger (in their stomach) and everything else
(cravings, habit, boredom, stress, emotions, and so on).
The part about distinguishing true hunger from cravings was so totally gamechanging, I was in for trying the rest of the habits.
Georgie, Roland, and I spent that first year together working with some
wonderful trainers in the mentorship and continually swapping ideas and
strategies about food habits.
While discussing more autonomy and less rigid ways to coach habits, we
started bouncing around the idea of working together. We reincorporated One by
One Nutrition as partners, and worked together for two years.
It was one of the most amazing learning experiences of my life. I transitioned
partially out of the gym, and started doing significantly more nutrition habits
phone coaching. We put together groups and taught them hunger and fullness
skills. I’m forever grateful for how much I learned working not just with
Georgie, but also coaches Sarah Campbell, Maryclaire Brescia, and Kara Buetel.
That year working together in the mentorship plus two more years with One by
One Nutrition had a huge impact on me, and directly informed some of the
listen-to-your-body skills in this book, like eating a meal every four to six hours
and waiting until hungry before eating. Ultimately, that project ended and we
went our separate ways, but it had a major impact on my effectiveness as a
coach.
SKILLS, NOT HABITS
I had been giving workshops in gyms, relating the things we were working on
back to gym movements. Sometimes, I’d started to say “skills” instead of
“habits.” It was a better metaphor—eating skills are like workout skills. A skill
like “eating slowly” is similar to a skill like a kettlebell swing.
In the habit perspective, you’re working on actions for weight loss, but there’s
always a concern whether your habit is getting stronger or weaker, or if old
habits are still too strong, and so on. You worry about how many days per week
your current habit is as a percentage of your habit success. The idea was close,
because it was working on the actions of weight loss, but it wasn’t entirely
correct.
“Skills” are more accurate. Think about a kettlebell swing again—if people
practice the kettlebell swing three days per week, the movement gets better.
They don’t “lose” the kettlebell swing skill on the days they aren’t practicing.
They aren’t “out of the habit.” Those are just days they didn’t practice. Eating
skills are like that. Eating skills are like every other skill you’ve ever learned—
the more repetitions you get of a skill, the better you are at that skill.
LIKE PLAYING A CLARINET
If you ever learned to play a musical instrument, or if your kids learned to play
a musical instrument in school, it was similar. The more repetition of practice,
the better you got. If you took a day off, you didn’t get reps in, but you didn’t
lose the skill. You can practice any skill; you get faster or better the more reps
you get in. But there isn’t a penalty for not getting a rep. The habit metaphor for
food action made it feel like any meal you didn’t practice, you’d get penalized,
but it doesn’t work like that in real life.
It works like a skill.
Going back to the clarinet—think about the evolution of playing:
Playing the recorder in elementary school: lots of mistakes, lots of
practice—often more missed notes than right notes
Playing the clarinet in junior high: lots of missed notes—often missing
just as many notes as in elementary school, but on more complex songs
or with better timing
Playing the clarinet in high school: significantly fewer missed notes on
the kinds of songs played in elementary school or junior high; the notes
are played with better timing and more expression—still misses notes
when practicing new and significantly more complex songs
One thing you’ll notice:
At every stage there were missed notes.
In the beginning, there were tons of missed notes, even in basic songs. Then,
after years, those songs are near mastery and have few missed notes, along with
better timing and expression. New and more complex songs would still have
missed notes. This is what eating skills are like.
THE MISTAKE OF DIET PERFECTION VERSUS CLARINET
PRACTICE
People approach food with diet rules that require perfection. It’s sort of like
being asked to play for the New York Symphony Orchestra on day one. It’s
amazing that people can white knuckle it for even a couple months.
Then, when they “miss a note” eating wise, they feel like a massive failure.
They “blew their diet.” And they polish that off by eating a bunch of junk food
and way too much…until next week, next month, next year, whenever.
Until we realize there’s only one way to learn skills—with practice—we’re
going to repeat the diet cycle of failure over and over again.
Practice requires three things:
1. Getting it right sometimes;
2. Making mistakes sometimes;
3. Learning from both getting it right and making mistakes.
If you try to practice without making mistakes, you’ll never be successful with
either eating or strength training skills.
GYM SKILLS AND EATING SKILLS
The trainers I’ve mentored really like the skill perspective. The clients I work
with really like the way workouts and food work the same way—it’s just skill
practice.
A lot of my clients have had a background in kettlebell training or yoga, and
were familiar with a “skill practice” approach to fitness as opposed to a
“suffering and fatigue” approach. They had already seen how working from a
skill-based approach made dramatic differences in their fitness practice, and
were hyped to take that same approach to their food skill practice.
And that’s why I call them skills now, instead of habits. Habits were a major
evolution from diets and calorie counting, but the concept was only halfway
there. Food skill practice is the next level.
THROWING IT ALL OUT
AND STARTING OVER
After writing Fat Loss Happens on Monday, I mostly coached from those
habits—habits revolving around helping people get better at tracking, planning,
shopping, and cooking.
Working with One by One Nutrition, I coached from those habits (later, skills),
mostly around teaching internal hunger and fullness cue-based eating.
After leaving One by One Nutrition, I realized I wasn’t bound by anything I’d
done before. I could throw it all out, and start with a blank slate. I got the crazy
idea that maybe the paradigms I had for coaching might be holding back what
was possible.
I started by literally throwing away everything I’d used before, and went back
to the research. I read research on intuitive eating, and found out how amazing it
is for changing people’s relationship to their bodies, their relationships with
food, and how it reduces emotional eating.53,54,55,56,57 Given how powerful and
consistent an effect it has on people’s wellbeing, intuitive eating skills have to be
included. These became the listen-to-your-body skills in this section. To be clear,
these aren’t exactly intuitive eating skills. We’re borrowing what’s effective from
intuitive eating to hone your natural hunger and fullness cues.
As far as intuitive eating skills and weight loss, the research is a mixed bag.
Some studies show it works well for weight loss.58,59 Others found that intuitive
eating isn’t as effective for weight loss as are guidelines and mindful decision
making.60,61
I went back to the research on mindfulness and eating, and found there’s a
distinction between mindful eating and mindful decision making, and that
mindful decision making is more effective for weight loss.62,63 Mindful eating is
more or less intuitive eating. Mindful decision making means mindfully making
choices ahead of time, based on your values, and it looks a lot like the guidelines
in this book. Mindful decision making is really effective for weight loss, and
should absolutely be a part of your program if weight loss is your
goal.64,65,66,67,68,69 These became the guidelines in this section.
I did a research review on emotional eating and found people who have
emotional eating issues need different skills and guidelines than people who
don’t (as reviewed in the “Don’t Diet” section on page 41). I looked at the
research on perfectionism, and found that perfectionism is the opposite of the
pursuit of excellence (as covered in the section on “perfectionism versus
excellence” on page 23). I went back to my client notes over the previous year,
and discovered there are ten things all of my most successful clients figure out.
These became The Ten Turning Points.
Lastly, reading research about Self Determination Theory (SDT) and
contextual behavioral science (CBS) with health behavior, I found that any book
on behavior change that doesn’t include the basic tenets of SDT and CBS is
wicked incomplete. In the long run, those elements are what make people
successful, and are what changes their lives. That became the Wise Five in the
last section of this book.
Speaking of psychology, going back to school for psychology has had a
profound impact on this book. I’m really lucky to have amazing professors like
Dr. Cynthia Erickson, who taught me not just about statistics and research
methods, but also about the most cutting-edge, evidence-based teaching
methods, like the testing effect. Consider Dr. Maureen Flynn’s Second Wave
Positive Psychology class, where I got an in-depth look at Acceptance and
Commitment Therapy, and the evidence on how important it is to feel all human
feelings, positive and negative.
Dr. Richard Kessel taught me about creating frameworks to hang ideas on so
people can learn them more effectively. Dr. Harvey Milkman’s class teaching
addictions and cravings was where I learned how to use self-care, mindfulness,
meaningful engagement of talents and effortful activities to increase self-efficacy
and beat cravings. Dr. Courtney Rocheleau taught me how to read and evaluate
research and in whose class I got to write a literature review on behavioral
weight loss for people with emotional eating. All of these professors, in different
ways, contributed either to the content of this book, the way I was able to
research it, or how the book was structured so you can get the most out of it.
One of the biggest things I found, which you’ll see in this section, is that
intuitive eating skills and eating guidelines aren’t mutually exclusive. I’ve never
seen a book or research paper that used both at the same time—they almost
always contrast them. This is totally anecdotal and just comes from my
experience working with clients, but here it is: The clients who do the best use
both. They sometimes more trust their body skills, and sometimes they use more
eating guidelines, but they almost always use a combination of both. I think it’s
kind of ironic, but people learn the body skills faster and are more successful
with them when they can use some guidelines as a framework for their practice.
That’s the evolution of the eating skills and guidelines in this section.
HOW DOES INTUITIVE EATING WORK?
This is where this program really pulls ahead of everything else in the field.
We’re going to look at the research on intuitive eating and then use the Lean and
Strong method to systematically teach you how to do it.
First, let’s look at what intuitive eating is.
Intuitive eating is:
Unconditional permission to eat when hungry and whatever food is
desired at the moment—by not ignoring hunger signals or classifying
food into acceptable and non-acceptable categories;
Eating to satisfy physical hunger rather than to cope with emotional
fluctuations or distress;
Reliance on (reflecting an awareness and trust of) internal hunger and
satiety cues to determine when and how much to eat.70,71,72,73,74
If that sounds crazy to you, let’s take a look at what weight gain and weight
loss look like in terms of actual behaviors:
Weight gain—in actions:
1. Eating when not hungry;
2. Eating unbalanced meals;
3. Eating past being full;
4. Snacking when bored or to procrastinate;
5. Snacking or eating treats or drinking alcohol when stressed or
emotional;
6. Cycles of resistance of certain foods and treats, then exploding and
overeating them.
Weight loss—in actions:
1. Eating a meal when hungry;
2. Eating balanced meals;
3. Stopping when full;
4. Not snacking between meals due to boredom or procrastination;
5. Not having treats because of emotions or stress;
6. Using healthy, non-food ways to cope with emotions and stress;
7. Having a serving of treats once in a while.
You can look at those lists and see that all of the things related to weight gain
are actions. It doesn’t matter what magical diet you’re on if you’re snacking
between meals due to boredom or emotions.
On the flip side, it’s easy to see that any person taking the actions in the
weight loss list would have a healthy weight forever. Again, there are no evil
foods to avoid…mostly, just “eating like an adult,” as strength coach Dan John
would say.
To be clear, the listen-to-your-body skills in this book aren’t exactly intuitive
eating. Many intuitive eating programs are completely against the idea of weight
loss as a goal. That’s a bummer, because those skills work really well. We’re
borrowing skills from intuitive eating to tap into our hunger and fullness cues,
and using them in a way that’s super effective for weight loss.
EATING SKILLS
The biggest mistake most people make with intuitive eating is that after a
lifetime of ignoring hunger and fullness cues, they attempt to just “hope it all
works out.”
Most people spend their lives:
Eating when they are bored or stressed, even though they aren’t hungry;
Dieting and ignoring hunger;
Calorie counting and ignoring hunger;
Working too much and ignoring hunger;
Eating while distracted and missing their fullness signals;
Eating too fast and missing their fullness signals;
Giving up on diets and ignoring fullness;
Having free days and ignoring fullness.
If you’ve spent decades ignoring hunger and fullness, you can’t expect to be
an expert at it the first day you decide to try.
You need to work on the component skills that make up listening to hunger
and listening to fullness, and noticing the difference between emotions and
hunger. Fortunately, that’s what this section is about.
EATING GUIDELINES
The eating guidelines are at the opposite end of the spectrum. Sometimes this
is distinguished between mindful eating (aka intuitive eating) and mindful
decision making. In these cases, mindful decision making leads to faster weight
loss.75
One study rated people on intuitive eating using a pasta taste test. They were
allowed to eat as much pasta as they wanted, but were randomly divided into
two groups: One group got a 12-inch plate, and the other group got an eight-inch
plate. The people with the smaller plates ate less. Interestingly, and contrary to
what the researchers had predicted, the difference was the biggest with people
who scored highest on intuitive eating. The guideline of plate size made a huge
difference in their intuitive skill use.76
Other times, it’s been compared as intuitive eating versus flexible restraint, in
which case flexible restraint also leads to faster weight loss. There’s an
interesting look at the difference between three things: intuitive eating (similar to
the “trust your body” skills), flexible dietary control (like guidelines), and rigid
dietary control (dieting):
Intuitive eating: Best for body image
Flexible control: Best for weight loss
Rigid control (dieting): Worst for body image; good for short-term
weight loss77,78
The potential pitfall is turning the guidelines into diet rules: If you turn them
into hard rules, you’re screwed. If you have black-and-white thinking about
foods, that some foods are “good” and others are “bad,” you’re similarly
screwed.
As long as you can keep them flexible—as guidelines—you’re cool. They’re
super effective; just hold them lightly. It comes down to using them as a target…
but not freaking out when things aren’t exactly perfect. These are guidelines, not
rules.
We’re going to work on four kinds of skills:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN MEALS
LISTEN TO
YOUR BODY
SKILLS
Notice when
getting full,
and stop when
full
Distinguish true hunger versus
cravings, boredom, tiredness,
emotions, or thoughts
USE A
GUIDELINE
Plate healthy
and balanced
portions
Eat a balanced meal every four to six
hours, without snacking in between
You’ll use a mix of both guidelines and skills. Guidelines will help, especially
when you’re just learning the skills, or when you’re in times of intense stress.
In the end, you probably want the one skill from each box that makes the
biggest difference for you. That’ll leave you with two listen-to-your-body skills
and two guidelines. You’ll use the “trust yourself” skills most of the time; the
guides you’ll use in times of stress. Simple.
Dan John talks about having a “pirate map” to a goal. Essentially, it’s the
clearest and simplest steps to follow. For weight loss, the pirate map looks like
this:
1. Eat a balanced meal every four to six hours.
2. Distinguish true hunger from cravings, boredom, tiredness, emotions, or
thoughts.
3. Plate healthy and balanced portions.
4. Eat slowly. Notice when getting full and stop.
This is Dan’s idea of “eating like an adult.” These four things are how I’d nail
down what eating like an adult looks like in steps.
We’ll break those down into sub-skills, but that’s the whole game. It’s those
four things, and nothing but those four things. Whenever you feel lost or stuck,
all you need to do is come back to these four things, and see which you’re
missing.
SKILLS ARE FASTER
The biggest misconception about habit-based or skills-based weight loss is
thinking it’s slower.
It’s not.
Skills always win. It’s the tortoise and the hare.
Sure, it sounds cool when your friend loses ten pounds in a week…but your
friend has probably been losing and regaining that same ten pounds for a decade
or two.
On the flip side, losing a half-pound to a pound per week and having that
handled forever is much, much faster. Do it right, once, and be done with it.
Sure, your friend may lose and re-gain ten pounds twice in the time it takes you
to lose ten. But then, while you’re losing another ten pounds, your friend will
have lost and regained that same ten pounds another time or two. Fast results
create an illusion of progress…but if you’re losing and regaining the same
weight every other month, there’s no progress at all—it’s just a cycle of failure.
The hare always loses because the hare starts and quits over and over again.
Doesn’t that sound like the diet cycle of failure? Start really fast, then quit?
The tortoise always wins, always goes faster because of continual steps in the
direction of what matters.
PROBLEM SOLVING: THE FOUR SKILLS MATRIX
The big evolution for this system was realizing that skills fit into a matrix to
solve problems we have with eating too much.
If you eat too much between meals—
work on between-meal skills.
If you eat too much during meals—
work on during-meal skills.
If you want to transform your relationship to your body and to food—
work on listen-to-your-body skills.
If you’re new to listen-to-your-body skills,
you’re tired, or you’re stressed out—
work on eating guidelines.
First, we want to distinguish whether your issues are mostly between meals or
during meals. Often, I find clients have been working diligently on their meals,
but they never addressed boredom or stress snacking between meals. Working on
“between meals” makes all of the difference for them.
People always have the most food enjoyment, best body image, highest
wellbeing, and most sustainable weight loss results when they use listen-to-yourbody eating skills.
Listen-to-your-body eating skills can take a year or two to master. In the
meantime, people get better results by practicing a combination of listen-to-yourbody skills and eating guidelines.
Lastly, when people are tired or stressed out, it’s always harder to use listen-toyour-body skills. In these cases, people can just rely on eating guidelines.
THERE ARE ONLY FOUR THINGS YOU NEED TO DO TO
LOSE WEIGHT.
We have a four-way matrix of Lean and Strong Eating Skills and Guidelines:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN MEALS
LISTEN TO
YOUR BODY
SKILLS
Notice when
getting full,
and stop
Distinguish hunger from cravings,
boredom, tiredness, emotions,
or thoughts
USE A
GUIDELINE
Plate healthy
and balanced
portions
Eat a balanced meal every four to
six hours, without snacking in
between
Next, we’ll break these down into component skills.
DURING MEALS
Notice when full, and stop
Check in with stomach midmeal, notice/speculate about
future fullness
LISTEN TO
YOUR BODY
SKILLS
Notice that flavor enjoyment
is different than fullness
Five senses mindfulness
Make sure to eat enough
Stop before eating too much
Check in with stomach
one hour after eating
BETWEEN MEALS
Distinguish hunger from
cravings, boredom,
tiredness, emotions,
or thoughts
De-fusion from unwanted
thoughts, feelings, and
cravings
Flexibility: Saying “yes” to
things sometimes, and
“no” to things
other times
Notice and wait through
normal hunger: 30 minutes
before eating
Notice when tired and go
to sleep
Plate balanced portions
Plate healthy portion sizes
USE A
GUIDELINE
Put the fork down between
bites
Eat without screens
Do something engaging after
eating
Wait ten minutes before
having seconds or treats
Eat a meal every four to
six hours, without snacking
in between
Ten-minute wait before
snacks or treats
Get engaged with what is
going on right now
Self-care: coping, selfsoothing, fun activities,
and hobbies
Turn off screens and
lights and go to bed at a
certain time
Most people after years of dieting are completely disconnected from their hunger
and fullness cues. They’ve taught themselves to ignore true hunger, basically
trying to starve themselves through diets. During all the years of dieting, they’ve
practiced not eating when hungry, and are out of practice distinguishing true
hunger.
Simultaneously, they’ve eaten when they aren’t hungry due to boredom or
emotions. Or, they’ve had “free days” and eaten way past fullness. To make
matters worse, every time they’ve gone through the diet cycle of failure, they’ve
filled their feelings of failure with a totally off-the-rails free-for-all (because,
screw it), again eating way past fullness.
They’ve essentially been practicing not eating when they have true hunger and
eating when they don’t have hunger. Their signals are all messed up. They’re out
of practice.
Fortunately, skills are about practice. It’s time to start practicing noticing
what’s really going on when you have the thought, “I should eat something.”
Let’s find out if it’s about hunger…or not.
SKILL DETAILS: USING A GUIDELINE BETWEEN MEALS
The National Food Consumption Surveys in 1977 and 2007, surveying 15,000
households—a large-scale study looking at eating habits over 30 years—
concluded that increased snacking has contributed more to the obesity epidemic
than increased portion sizes. They attributed less than one-third of the cause of
weight gain due to eating too much at meals, and more than two-thirds to
increased snacking.79
Studies comparing identical twins are always intriguing given that we can
compare people with the same genetics. A study in The European Journal of
Nutrition evaluated the eating habits of twins. They found, if the twins had
differing weights, the twin who weighed more had a higher frequency of
snacking.80
Calories from snacks are often mindless and totally unrelated to true hunger.
Eat a meal every four to six hours,
without snacking in between
Ten-minute wait before snacks or treats
USE A GUIDELINE
BETWEEN MEALS
Get engaged with what is going on right
now
Self-care: coping, self-soothing, fun
activities, and hobbies
Turn off screens and lights, and go to bed
at a certain time
EAT A MEAL EVERY FOUR TO SIX HOURS
Most people’s issue with getting lean or losing weight isn’t what they eat at
meals; it’s what they eat between meals. Basically, they snack or graze all the
time…for reasons that have nothing to do with actual hunger. Eating every four
to six hours gives us a guideline we can follow to see if we’re eating from true
hunger, or because we’re bored or craving treats.
Snacks don’t provide much in the way of fullness; they’re usually lower
quality food choices, and they’re often eaten in the absence of hunger.81 People
tend to eat a higher quality of food at meals than they do at snacks.82
A group of researchers looked at the CDC’s National Health and Nutrition
Examination Survey, reviewing the eating frequency of 18,965 people. They
found that eating three meals per day was related to the lowest weight, and that
eating snacks beyond the three meals was related to increased weight.83
A literature review in Physiology and Behavior, “Energy intake and obesity:
Ingestive frequency outweighs portion size,” looked at dozens of studies on
portion size and number of meals per day. The findings consistently showed that
snacks don’t have much effect on fullness.
Multiple studies show a link between snacking between meals and bodyweight.
As our bodyweights went up in the United States, timing between feedings has
decreased to only three hours between feedings. They note that while portion
sizes have increased by 12%, snack frequency has increased by 29%. The
authors concluded that while portion sizes have also increased, it’s actually
frequency of snacking that’s a bigger problem with weight gain.84
A review in The Journal of Nutrition looked at eating frequency and fullness
throughout the day. They found that eating five or six times per day didn’t
increase fullness any more than eating three times per day. They did find that
people eating one or two times per day were hungrier than people eating three
times per day. Their conclusion was that there’s no benefit related to increased
eating frequency for feeling more full.85
Interestingly, studies have shown that simply labeling something as a “snack”
makes it less filling than a “meal,” even when the calories are matched.
Participants were divided into four groups and all given the same 516 calories of
pasta. Two of the groups were told their pasta was a meal, and two groups were
told it was a snack. They then divided those two groups into sitting at a table
with silverware versus eating standing up with a plastic container.
After eating, the participants were given a fake taste test with M&M’s candies.
Against the researchers predictions, eating standing or sitting made no
difference. On the other hand, simply being told “please eat the meal” or “please
eat the snack” made a huge difference. People who had been told they ate a
snack ate significantly more M&M’s in the taste test.86 This means
psychologically we’ll eat more later if we believe we’ve had a snack.
Other studies have similar findings: Snacks have a low effect on fullness.
People will eat the same amount at the next meal, whether they had a snack
earlier or not. If you end up eating the same amount at your meals, the snacks are
just extra calories.87
THE MAIN GUIDELINE FOR BETWEEN MEALS
If you’re eating balanced meals with a sufficient amount of food, you shouldn’t
need to snack. Eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner is a totally reasonable
proposition for leaning up, and puts your meals about four to six hours apart.
If you aren’t snacking, you eat balanced meals, and you get your portion sizes
right, you’ll find you get truly hungry about 30 minutes before the next meal,
which is right when you should get hungry.
If you find you’re getting hungry two hours after a meal, you know something
is off. It’s possible your previous meal was too small or unbalanced, and you
actually are hungry. Or, it’s possible you aren’t actually hungry—you’re bored,
tired, stressed out, or “eating your feelings.”
In the listen-to-your-body between-meals skills discussion, we’ll get into skills
for differentiating between hunger, cravings, or stress eating based on trusting
your body. For now, the guideline is simply to consider that if you want food
sooner than four to six hours, it might not be actual hunger.
Eating every four to six hours will usually put you at three meals per day.
Sometimes it will put you at three meals and one snack.
HOW TO START
If you’re a person who’s used to having multiple daily snacks, putting
everything on a plate is a good way to start the “meals, not snacks” skill. If you
normally have three snacks and three meals, put the snacks on a plate with your
meal.
For example, if you normally have eggs and toast for breakfast, chips midmorning, then a sandwich for lunch, put the mid-morning snack of chips on your
plate with your sandwich at lunch. It really works to start the practice with the
same amount of food, but combine it into three mealtimes. This will allow you to
distinguish non-hunger snack cravings between meals, and to notice when
getting full if everything is on one plate.
THE DELIBERATE ONE SNACK PER DAY
Eating every four to six hours will usually put you at three meals per day.
Sometimes it will put you at three meals and one deliberate snack. That
deliberate snack may come up as needed. For example:
If lunch has to be at 11:30 a.m. and dinner has to be at 7:00 p.m., that’s sevenand-a-half hours between meals, which is too long, so putting a snack in between
makes sense. Or, sometimes you have to add a snack to make a workout work.
There’s a massive difference between adding a snack so you don’t go longer than
six hours between meals, and having a snack out of habit or boredom.
Everyone has had a time when they had a long gap between meals, then
overate at the next meal because they felt starved. Sometimes, our real-life
schedules don’t allow for a meal every six hours, so we have to add a snack.
That’s a smart play.
We sometimes need to have a snack to make our workout schedule work.
That’s okay too. If you do your morning workout before breakfast, you might
need a snack beforehand. If you do an evening workout and are hungry after
work, you may need a snack before your workout. These are smart reasons to
deliberately add a snack to make your workout schedule work.
The biggest thing we’re trying to remove with snacks is the mindless and lowquality snacking that adds a ton of extra calories to your day. We want to remove
the stress snacking, habit snacking, seeing-food snacking, tired snacking, and
procrastination snacking.
The deliberate “I need this to make my workout work” snacking is totally cool.
Using a snack to bridge the gap when meals are going to be more than six hours
apart is a great plan.
WHAT ARE BETTER OPTIONS FOR ONE DELIBERATE
SNACK?
A meal, ideally, has four things: protein, vegetables, carbohydrates, and fat. An
ideal snack has any two of the four. Examples might be some almonds and an
apple, some deli meat and a banana, or a Greek yogurt.
While we’ve made a pretty solid case against snacking, if a deliberate snack
makes sense, quality matters. You probably won’t be shocked that low-nutrient
and high-calorie snack foods are related to less fullness and a higher
bodyweight.
Also unsurprisingly, high-nutrient and low-calorie snacks are related to more
fullness and a lower bodyweight. Examples would be fruit, reasonable portions
of nuts, Greek yogurt, or vegetables.88
A review of snacking literature, including longitudinal (long-term) and
experimental, found that some people snack and remain lean, and other people
snack and gain weight. There were three big differences between the two groups.
People who snacked and were lean:
1. Snacked at deliberate times. They never snacked mindlessly or
because they saw food that looked good.
2. Snacked on obviously healthy foods.
3. Adjusted their subsequent meals to be smaller because they had
snacked.
People who snacked and gained weight did the reverse:
1. They snacked when they had an urge to snack.
2. They snacked on sweet or salty snack foods.
3. They ate normal-sized meals, even after snacking.89
If you are going to have a deliberate snack, make sure you do it in a way that
doesn’t cause weight gain. Snack deliberately; make it something that’s
obviously healthy, and adjust other meals accordingly.
COUNT THE SNACKS MOST PEOPLE FORGET
Anything you put in your mouth that has calories is a snack. Coffee with cream
counts as a snack. Coffee with butter or MCT oil counts as a snack—and
sometimes a meal, given how much people are adding these days. Full-sugar
soda counts as a snack. Fruit counts as a snack. The five M&Ms you stole from
your friend across the cubical counts as a snack. Those two chips you ate count
as a snack. All of the little bites and all of the beverages that have calories count
as snacks.
COUNTING YOUR SNACKS
Many people will initially notice they’re having three to five snacks per day,
between their coffee with cream (or butter or oil), their full-sugar soda, their
muffin in the break room, and the couple pieces of candy on the conference
table. The goal of this guideline is for you to notice all the little snacks popping
up in your day.
Ideally, bring the number of snacks down to zero or one. If your meals are
adequately filling and spaced evenly apart, it’s pretty cool to have three meals
and no snacks. Three meals per day is a reasonable expectation for a human.
Three meals per day is totally sustainable and intelligent.
On the other hand, if you have gaps longer than six hours between meals or if
you need a snack so you aren’t starving before or after a workout, then one
deliberate snack is smart. Don’t stress too much trying to decide if you should
have a snack.
If you use four to six hours as a guideline, it’s really simple, as you’ll see in the
next chart.
GUIDELINE
EAT A MEAL EVERY FOUR
TO SIX HOURS,
WITHOUT SNACKING IN
BETWEEN
WHY EAT A MEAL
EVERY FOUR TO SIX
HOURS, WITHOUT
SNACKING IN
BETWEEN
Many people find their actual issue isn’t
that they eat too much at meals; it’s that
they eat too much between meals
because they’re bored, tired, stressed
out, or “eating their feelings.”
“I’m going to eat breakfast at 7:00 a.m.,
and so I’ll have lunch between 11:00
a.m.–1:00 p.m., without snacking in
between.”
WAYS TO
GOLDILOCKS EATING
EVERY FOUR TO SIX
HOURS, WITHOUT
SNACKING IN
BETWEEN
“I’m going to eat lunch at noon, so I’ll
have dinner at 6:00 p.m., without
snacking in between.”
“I’ll have dinner at 7:00 p.m., and go to
sleep between 11:00 p.m.–midnight,
without snacking in between.”
“I’m going to eat breakfast, then I’m not
going to eat again until I’m ready to eat
lunch. When I feel hungry for lunch, I’ll
eat lunch.”
“I know I always crave something sugary
in the afternoon. Since I don’t feel hungry
for a balanced meal, I know it’s not actual
hunger.”
“When I’m hungry, I’m going to eat a full,
balanced meal.”
GET ENGAGED WITH WHAT’S HAPPENING
This one might seem weird as a food skill, but it’s actually a useful way to curb
snacking. We often crave snacks simply because we’re disengaged. We’re bored.
We’re not really doing what we’re supposed to be doing, but we aren’t taking a
break either. People love to mindlessly snack while they’re disengaged.
Doing something engaging and fully participating in it is a great way not to
give in to cravings. That could be as simple as fully immersing yourself in your
work. It could be being fully present in a conversation.
The “five senses experiencing” part is a way to be engaged when there isn’t
something to actively do. You might notice the trees or the sky out the window.
Or, maybe you really listen to the music that’s playing.
You could pay attention to what someone is saying, without thinking of what
you’re going to say next. Perhaps you just take a second to really feel the weight
of your feet on the ground.
It’s normal for our minds to wander at times. Noticing something with one of
your five senses—sight, smell, touch, hearing, or taste—is an easy way to reengage with the present.
The flip side also becomes true: When you notice you can’t engage, you can
take a break.
Everyone has a limited attention span. We can be engaged at work for an
amount of time, then we can either take a break, or we sort of disengage anyway.
We can be absorbed in a movie, or we can be half paying attention to a movie
that sucks.
We can be fully paying attention to a conversation, or we could be kind of
checked out. In many cases, we’d be better off alternating between fully engaged
and taking break than half paying attention. It’s typically that half paying
attention place where we mindlessly eat.
The mistake would be to think mindful engagement is a way to distract
yourself, and make the feelings and cravings go away. While it might sometimes
work as a distraction, other times you’ll find it doesn’t work—the cravings still
persist. Unfortunately, there’s no magic way to make cravings go away.
The alternate and more effective way to look at this is that the mindful
engagement is just what you do because it’s the kind of person you want to be.
And you can be that person you want to be, whether the cravings fade or
whether they stick around for a while. You get engaged and present with your
life because it’s good to be engaged and present with your life.
Engage with your five senses not to suppress or distract yourself from
cravings, but just to be aware of what you’re doing. You’ll notice you can have a
craving for something and not eat it, and that cravings come and go in their own
time.
Cravings build, build, build, and then faaaaaaaaade away. That’s the natural
path of cravings; they do that all on their own. Meanwhile, just engage with what
matters to you.
Engagement isn’t about a constant, perfect attention. It’s simply the process of
coming back—noticing a craving, then coming back to what you’re doing…
noticing a stressful thought, then coming back to what you’re doing.
SKILL
WHY TO BE FULLY
ENGAGED OR
PRESENT WITH FIVE
BE FULLY ENGAGED OR
PRESENT WITH FIVE SENSES
People mindlessly eat when they’re half
checked out. Being fully engaged in what
you’re doing is a powerful way to reduce
snacking, or fully disengage and take a
break.
SENSES
“If I get really stressed out, I’m going to stop
for a second and look at the trees outside.”
“If I get overwhelmed by an emotion, I’m
going to stop for a second and just feel the
pressure of my feet on the ground.”
WAYS TO
GOLDILOCKS YOUR
WHY TO BE FULLY
ENGAGED OR
PRESENT WITH FIVE
SENSES PRACTICE
“At work, I’m going to be fully engaged for
25-minute chunks, then I’m going to take a
five-minute break.”
“I know when I crave a snack at work, I
usually just need a break. I’m going to use
snack cravings as a signal that I need to go
for a quick walk around the building, then
come back and be fully present in my work.”
“If I’m bored by the TV show I’m watching
and start to think about snacking, I’m going
to find a really great movie to watch or a
good book to read.”
“At dinner with my friends, instead of being
half-checked out and mindlessly snacking
on chips, I’m going to really listen to what
my friends are saying, and be engaged with
them.”
GUIDELINE: WAIT TEN MINUTES BEFORE A SNACK OR A
TREAT
This is amazingly useful and unbelievably simple.
Most of us get into a habit where we have a craving for a treat, and we eat it
almost mindlessly. There’s no gap to do any kind of thinking or make a choice
because it happens so fast. This guideline slows you down long enough to
choose. It’s a great way to smash the pattern of mindless snacking.
The wait doesn’t even have to be ten minutes. The length of time isn’t nearly
as important as breaking that pattern of wanting something and immediately
having it. Wanting something and then instantly eating it is a habit that keeps us
eating almost mechanically, with very little enjoyment and no choice.
When we add a gap between stimulus and response, we have time to think. We
have time to choose. If I want to eat a cookie and I wait ten minutes, I have time
to notice if I really want it, or if I’m just bored. I can check in with myself, and
see if I’m reacting to stress. Or, I can see if I only want it because of a fleeting
thought.
The cool thing is, if after ten minutes you decide to have it, you get to have it
—but you’ve taken the time to choose. You’ve had time to think. You’ve had
time to check in with your body. If after checking in, you really want it, eat it.
Most people find that sometimes they still want the snack, and sometimes they
don’t. That’s amazing! That’s so useful! People start to think through whether
it’s one of their favorite foods, or if it’s just “there.” People figure out if they’re
actually hungry for a meal and need to have a meal. People discover all kinds of
things when they slow their roll with snacking.
We’ll dig into it more as we discuss the Meta-skill of flexibility. For now, just
be thinking, if after ten minutes you’re always saying “yes” to the snack or treat,
something is wrong. On the flip side, if—after ten minutes—you’re always
saying “no” to a snack or treat, something is also wrong. If you always have the
same answer, it means you probably aren’t really checking in and thinking about
it. Go ahead and say “yes” if it’s truly going to be amazing. Say “no” if you’re
just eating out of habit.
Often, clients start off shooting for 50/50. Fifty percent of the time, they’ll say
“yes” to treats, and 50% of the time, they’ll say “no.” That’s another great way
to break out of the pattern of not thinking. Over time, you can adjust that ratio
based on your values. Eventually, when you get good at stopping, thinking, and
checking in with yourself, you can completely discard all ratios, and just think
for yourself. The ten-minute wait and the 50/50 concept are both just training
wheels for you to start thinking things through.
If you really struggle with snacking, try to kick it up to a 20-minute wait. As
you get better at this skill, you can reduce the waiting time. Many people find, as
they get more practice and get better at it, they only need to wait one minute.
Super-advanced folks only have to wait ten seconds.
GUIDELINE
WAIT TEN MINUTES
BEFORE A SNACK OR A TREAT
WHY
Most people don’t actually know if they want the treats
PRACTICE THIS they eat; they eat them out of habit, because of a
craving, or because they’re bored.
GUIDELINE
WAYS TO
GOLDILOCKS
THIS
GUIDELINE
“When I want a treat in the afternoon, I’m going to wait
(and work) for another ten minutes before I have it.”
“If I want a treat, I’m going to stop for one minute and
check in with myself about whether I want it or
whether I’m tired.”
“If I want a treat at work, I’m going to go for a walk for
five minutes to see if I really wanted a treat, or if I just
needed a break.”
DELIBERATE SELF-CARE
We all need self-care, but we tend to actually give ourselves very little of it.
Essentially, if food is your only coping strategy when you feel sad, frustrated,
tired, angry, or lonely, you’re going to end up using food a lot. Trying to “fix
feelings” with food is a dead end. That’s why we all need to have healthy coping
strategies. We need to have ways to soothe ourselves other than with food. The
issue isn’t food itself; the issue is that we need to soothe ourselves somehow.
We also want to feel good and do things that are pleasurable. Again, if food is
the only pleasurable thing you have in your toolbox, you’re going to use it a lot.
We all want a treat sometimes, but food isn’t the only kind of treat there is.
If there’s a magic bullet for not snacking after dinner, it’s having a hobby. I
know it’s not what most people typically think of when trying to eliminate
snacking and treats, but people are often just bored and under-stimulated. You
want something nice, so find something nice to do.
Also, it’s really effective to do something that’s good for you while you’re
feeling hard emotions. This isn’t about pushing emotions away or distracting
yourself—it’s about doing something that fits your values, is good for you, and
takes care of you, while you’re feeling your feelings. If you feel bad, get a hug. If
you don’t have a person handy to hug, hug a pet. Work on a craft. Take a warm
bath. Do something to soothe yourself, but have a strategy to cope that isn’t
food.
Mostly, we have an image of self-care as scented candles and relaxing bubble
baths. Worse, sometimes we’re told self-care is a trip to Bali (because everyone
can afford that). Essentially, we’re told self-care is about pleasure, and self-care
takes lots of money and time.
We’ve been given only one of the three kinds of self-care. That one kind of
self-care can be great, but it isn’t practical all of the time. It also neglects the
truth that what we often need is one of the other two kinds of self-care.
Three kinds of self-care:
Relaxation is important, but it’s often much simpler and cheaper than
what the world is trying to sell us. The other two kinds of self-care are
often more important.
Effortful and skill-based self-care might be some of the best things we
can do for ourselves. Practicing skills like playing an instrument or
knitting are phenomenal for wellbeing. These are things that give us
pride as our skills develop over time.
Taking care of things is really important self-care. Often, we’re great
about taking care of some things, like our family or career, and terrible
about taking care of other things, like setting boundaries or having a
tough conversation.
It’s good to know all three kinds of self-care, and to pull from the appropriate
one you need at a given time.
If you’re a nurse who just worked a 12-hour overnight shift, you probably want
relaxation self-care. If you’re a parent who came home from a tough day at work
to handle a challenging situation with one of your children, you might also need
relaxation self-care.
If you have a little free time at the end of the night and aren’t totally wiped,
you might be surprised at how much you get out of some skill-based or effortful
self-care. Doing something that builds skills outside of your life responsibilities
can be super fun and engaging.
Sometimes, though, the most effective self-care is taking care of something. If
you normally struggle with setting boundaries, setting and holding a boundary
might be ten times more effective than any amount of relaxation.
Or, if you have a crushing deadline, renegotiating that deadline might be what
you need the most. Self-care could be saying “no” to the really great project or
volunteer opportunity, or even doing something for a friend when you actually
don’t have the bandwidth. It could be asking for help when normally you do
everything on your own.
People almost never think of the third one—taking care of things—as self-care.
First, given how often people eat to procrastinate, this is an important one to
consider. Second, we often use relaxation or hobbies as a band-aid for not
dealing with an underlying issue. Pull from the right kind of self-care at the right
time. Know all of your options.
THE THREE KINDS OF SELF-CARE WITH EXAMPLES
TAKING CARE
OF THINGS
SELF-CARE
SKILL-BASED AND
RELAXATION
EFFORTFUL SELFSELF-CARE
CARE
Setting healthy boundaries
Singing
Taking a walk
Saying “no” to things
Gardening
Watching TV
Having hard, but important,
conversations
Woodworking
Playing with a pet
dancing
Planning for the future
Taking a bath
Hiking
Reflecting on what you’ve
accomplished, learned, or noticed
Getting a massage
Working on your car
Aromatherapy
Going shopping for food for the
week
Playing guitar
Hanging out with a friend
Rock climbing
Listening to music
Practicing eating skills to take care
of yourself
Taking Brazilian Jiu Jitsu classes
Going to a concert
Practicing Tai Chi
Cooking good food to take care of
yourself
Meditation
Going to an amusement
park
Taking an alignment-based yoga class
Going to a movie
Working out to take care of
yourself
Investing
Painting
Going out to a nice
restaurant
Skiing
Playing frisbee in the park
Snowboarding
Going on a picnic
Cleaning the house
Backpacking
Going for a hike
Going to bed on time
Mountain Biking
Taking a hatha yoga class
Working out
Knitting
Reading a book
Doing the laundry
Making balloon animals
Reading comic books
Calling a family member you love
Working out
Reading magazines
Volunteering for a cause that
matters to you
Cooking
Playing board-games
Writing fiction
Playing cards
If you’re religious, going to religious
services
Writing non-fiction
Cuddling, Making out
Blogging
Having sex
Going to sleep on time
Writing poetry
Taking a nap
Journaling
Looking at the ocean
Paying the bills
Going to the doctor, when you
need to
Watching a sunset
Watching a campfire
Especially in the beginning, it may feel like these skills don’t “fix” your cravings
or your feelings. They aren’t supposed to. Self-care doesn’t numb feelings the
way food does. They’re just ways for you do something good for yourself.
GUIDELINE
DELIBERATE SELF-CARE
WHY PRACTICE
THIS GUIDELINE
Most people don’t do very much actual self-care.
Instead of taking care of themselves, they
substitute snacks.
“When I’m stressed out, I’m going to go outside
and watch a tree
blow in the wind.”
WAYS TO
GOLDILOCKS
THIS GUIDELINE
“If I have a rough week at work, I’m going to go for
a hike.”
“If I’m bored after dinner, I’m going to work on a
craft.”
“As a treat for myself, I’m going to play
videogames.”
“I always feel good after working in the garden.”
TURN OFF SCREENS AND LIGHTS AND GO TO BED AT A
CERTAIN TIME
If there are two magic bullets for food, they’re sleep and exercise. Most people
make better food choices when they exercise during the week. Everyone makes
better food choices when they get more sleep.
Most of my clients are pretty good about exercise…but they’re terrible about
sleep.
It often shocks people to discover this, but sleep is a necessity. Our culture
often lionizes working too much and not sleeping enough, but there’s actually
nothing all that great about not sleeping.
When we’re sleep deprived, we feel hunger more often and more intensely.
Meta-analyses show that if we look at multiple studies on sleep and hunger, the
results are consistent: People consume more calories when they’ve had less
sleep.90,91
When we’re sleep deprived, we’re less resilient to stress. When we’re sleep
deprived, we have a harder time coping with uncomfortable and hard emotions.92
We’re even more likely to misread social situations and get in more arguments.93
Let’s review—sleep deprivation makes you:
Feel hungrier;
Crave high-calorie, low-nutrition foods;
Crave snacks more frequently;
Be less strong and resilient in the face of stress;
Be less strong and resilient in the face of uncomfortable emotions.
It’s easy to see that increasing sleep has a massive impact on every food skill
you could practice. Many clients find that the majority of their issues with
snacking between meals or emotional eating were due to sleep deprivation. I’ve
had clients in whom sleeping enough fixed all of their food issues.
It’s really common for people to discover their issue with late-night snacking
doesn’t actually have anything to do with snacks; it has to do with being
exhausted. You might be tired, at the end of your rope, but semi-hypnotized by
the television…and eating to keep yourself awake.
Look, the fix for being tired isn’t food. It’s sleep. Take care of yourself by
going to sleep.
The thing is, we can’t actually control how much we sleep. Sometimes you go
to bed and fall right to sleep; other times you go to bed and lie awake for a
while. That’s okay. We’re going to focus on what we can control: turning off
screens, turning off the lights, and going to bed.
It’s well known that screens are great for keeping us awake. If you want to stay
awake far, far past your level of tiredness, just keep looking at a screen.94 On the
flip side, the easiest place to start for getting more sleep is to pick a time to turn
off screens.
When you turn off screens, feel free to do something analog: read a book
(fiction), play a board game, talk to your partner, read a magazine, do a craft, do
a puzzle. Do anything where you aren’t looking at a hypnotic blue light.
Often people complain, “I want to watch TV because I’m too tired to read!” If
you’re too tired to do anything other than stare at a screen…that’s a red flag
you’re exhausted and you really need sleep. Another option is to turn off the
lights and go to bed. Turning off the lights and getting into bed really works
because that’s how people go to sleep.
You can’t control when you fall asleep, but you can totally control when you
go to bed. And going to bed is enough. Focus on the part you can control.
GUIDELINE
TURN OFF SCREENS AND LIGHTS
AND GO TO BED AT A CERTAIN TIME
WHY
PRACTICE
THIS
GUIDELINE
Most late night snacking is really tiredness. Instead of
fixing the tiredness problem by going to sleep, people
eat. On the flip side, when people go to sleep, they not
only miss the treats they’d eat at midnight, but they crave
fewer treats the next day.
“I’m going to turn off screens and read my favorite book
series
at 10:00 p.m.”
WAYS TO
GOLDILOCKS “I’m going to turn off screens and knit at 9:00 p.m.”
THIS
“I’m going to turn off screens and read a comic book at
GUIDELINE 11:00 p.m.”
“I’m going to turn off the lights and get in bed at 10:30
p.m.”
Note: If you’re having a lot of trouble getting to sleep, look into a great ACTbased program called Sleep School, created by Kat Lederle, Claire Durant, and
Guy Meadows. They have an online program at thesleepschool.org. Dr. Guy
Meadows also has a book, The Sleep Book.
SKILL DETAILS: USING A GUIDELINE DURING MEALS
Plate balanced portions
USE A GUIDELINE DURING
MEALS
PLATE BALANCED PORTIONS
Plate healthy portion sizes
Put the fork down between bites
Eat without screens
Do something engaging after eating
Wait ten minutes before having
seconds or treats
This is the simplest way to guestimate plating healthy and balanced portions:
50% of the plate vegetables (and fruit!);
25% of the plate protein;
25% of the plate carbohydrates;
About a tablespoon of fat (as a starting guideline).
You’ve probably seen something like this before. Harvard University’s T.H.
Chan School of Public Health has a “Healthy Eating Plate” that looks almost
exactly like this. You may also notice that these match the plate used for
Canada’s food guide and are pretty close to the United States’ “MyPlate”
guidelines from 2019.
The biggest differences in this plate versus the above guidelines relate to fat.
Though not on their plate graphic, USDA’s “MyPlate” posts allowances for twoand-a-half to three tablespoons per day of unsaturated fat for women, and three
to three-and-a-half tablespoons per day for men. MyPlate also recommends eight
ounces of seafood per week, to get the Omega-3s in fish oil. Harvard School of
Public Health “Health Eating Plate” put healthy plant oils specifically on their
plate recommendation to make a point that healthy fats are an important meal
component. The big difference is that the “Healthy Eating Plate” puts no precise
limit on how much or what percentage of a meal is fat, so long as it’s healthy fat
and fits within your total calories. They also gave fish oil a double thumbs up.
“MyPlate” and “Healthy Eating Plate” both recommend choosing fats that are
liquid at room temperature—hurray for olive oil!
So, the Lean and Strong plate guideline actually matches both, in various
ways, even if the graphics for the other plates look different at first glance.
The thing is, balanced meals make people feel full. Protein and fiber
(vegetables and fruit) both play an extra special role in fullness.95 Vegans and
vegetarians can play the protein game also; it doesn’t make a difference if your
protein comes from animal or plant sources. Protein increases fullness either
way.96
The percentages are guides, not absolute rules, but this guideline may be
helpful for you as a starting place. If you’re making a meal like a stew or
something stirred together, it’s the same—just use those in the same ratio.Here’s
the deal with plating healthy and balanced portions:
1. Balanced portions make it easier to notice when you’re full.
2. Healthy portion sizes make it easier to notice when you’re full.
Balanced meals are more filling. That’s the magic.
In practice, plating a balanced portion usually means:
Increasing vegetable intake;
Consistently having a portion of protein;
Reducing the carbohydrate intake to one portion—in the United States,
people often have five portions;
Reducing fat intake to one tablespoon—people often have more servings
of fat than they realize because it doesn’t look like a lot on the plate.
If you aren’t losing weight after plating balanced meals, 95% of the time, it’s
food you’re eating between meals or after dinner that’s the issue. The other five
percent of the time, it means you should use a smaller plate.
Don’t be afraid of carbohydrates! Yes, you can put bread, pasta, rice, potatoes,
or whatever you want in that 25% of the plate.
The reason people gain weight isn’t because they have one portion of
carbohydrates; they gain weight because they have five.
ARE FRUITS A CARBOHYDRATE OR A VEGETABLE?
This is kind of a funny question I hear a lot. Fruits are carbohydrates. Yes,
they’re carbohydrates.
That being said, I usually have people put fruit in the “vegetable” portion of
the plate. If someone has never eaten vegetables, it can be much easier to start by
adding fruit rather than vegetables, and that’s a huge positive step. Fruits are
super healthy; they have lots of amazing fiber and, let’s get real—no one ever
gained weight because they had an extra apple.
Depending on the meal, you can use fruit in either the carbohydrate portion of
your plate or the vegetable portion. At breakfast, if you aren’t doing a scramble,
it can often be easier to get fruit than vegetables. And when travelling, often fruit
is easier to get than vegetables. It’s a totally cool switch sometimes, even though
yes, fruits are carbohydrates.
SPECIFIC NUTRIENT RESEARCH FOR LOSING WEIGHT
AND GETTING LEAN
It’s really easy to overdo fat intake. One study put women into three groups
consuming different percentages of their meals from fat. The first group
consumed 15–20% fat, the second consumed 20–35% fat, and the third group
consumed 35–50% fat. The group that consumed 35–50% fat automatically
consumed 15.4% more calories and gained a significant weight.97
One study looked at fat consumption during a meal and then subsequent
fullness. They found that people given access to extra fat in meals will naturally
consume twice as many calories from fat…with no extra increase in fullness.98 If
you can double your fat intake without feeling any more full, it makes it super
hard to lose weight.
There’s nothing magic about certain percentages of macronutrients. A study in
a metabolic ward where people were locked in and fed perfect percentages of
food found no difference in weight loss when calories and protein were matched.
The fat content varied from low at 15%, to intermediate at 40% or 45%, to high
fat at 75%, 80%, or even 85%. No one lost more weight with any different ratios
of carbohydrates or fat—and this was in a metabolic ward with absolutely
perfectly measured meals fed to them.99
Protein is awesome for increasing fullness. A review of macronutrient
literature noted that protein has a bigger impact on fullness than either
carbohydrates or fat.100 This finding that protein creates the most fullness has
been replicated multiple times.101,102,103,104,105,106
One particularly cool study on protein and fullness created a market where 50
participants had to buy all of their food for six months. They were given no
information about the quantity of calories they were “buying,” and could get as
much or as little as they wanted. Participants were randomized to one of two
groups, either 12% protein or 25% protein. Whatever meals they got each week,
a computer system made sure each group got that specific percentage of protein.
To make sure they were actually eating the precise amount of protein, the
amount of nitrogen in their urine, which is an accurate way to measure protein
intake, was measured every seven days. The 25% protein group naturally
consumed fewer calories (they believe due to increased fullness) lost
significantly more weight, and had a bigger reduction in waist measurements.107
Fruit and vegetable intake is the least controversial. Pretty much everyone
knows it’s healthy to eat fruits and vegetables and that they help with fullness. In
the interest of research, two large scale reviews showed that increasing fruit and
vegetable intake can increase fullness and help reduce calories, resulting in
weight loss. They both caution that there’s nothing magical about fruit and
vegetable intake; it just helps with reducing calories and that reduction causes
weight loss. Eating fruits and vegetables relates to lower weight.108,109
SPECIFIC NUTRIENT RESEARCH FOR GETTING STRONG
As of this book’s writing, people are uncomfortable with carbohydrates. You
have to know—if you’re reading this book because you want to get stronger—
you need to eat carbohydrates, and it really helps if some of them are grains. An
article in the NSCA’s Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research stated that,
along with hydration, having carbohydrates for fuel is a primary determinant of
muscular fatigue.110
A randomized crossover study put athletes into two groups, either a ketogenic
diet at less than 50 grams of carbohydrates per day or a high carbohydrate diet of
2.7 to 4.5 grams of carbohydrates per pound of bodyweight. All of the athletes
participated in both conditions: half started with keto and moved to high carb;
the other half started with high carb and then moved to keto. They had the
athletes perform high intensity interval training for four days under both
conditions. Regardless of which diet they started or finished with, all of the
athletes had a significant drop in power while doing the keto diet. In the
ketogenic condition, they had a 7% loss of power in one of the interval tests, and
they covered 15% less distance in a bike sprint test.111
A literature review, Diet composition and the performance of high intensity
exercise, found that a drastic reduction in carbohydrate causes a significant drop
in high intensity exercise performance. Attempting to remove carbohydrates
completely (5% of energy from carbohydrates) caused a whopping 10–30% drop
in performance.112
Reducing carbohydrates reduces performance in power and speed tests. It’s
unlikely you’ll be able to work out at an optimal level for strength or power
without eating bread, rice, pasta, and grains. Regardless of the ridiculous scare
tactics many diet companies use in relation to these foods, no one ever had
trouble getting lean eating one portion of carbohydrates at meals. And that
portion is necessary for optimal workouts.
Everyone knows protein is the basic building block of muscle, and it’s tough to
gain strength or recover from workouts without it. A few large reviews and
meta-analyses give us a clear picture of the research: Total protein intake has a
significant effect on strength gain.113,114,115,116
For people into measuring, .73 grams of protein per pound of bodyweight (1.6
grams per kilogram of bodyweight) per day is recommended for optimal strength
gain in those analyses. A palm-sized amount of protein, or about 25% of your
plate, could fall anywhere between 25 and 30 grams of protein. Depending on
bodyweight, you might need more portions of protein per day for optimal
strength gain:
Six portions of protein are optimal to gain strength for someone who is
234 pounds.
Five portions of protein are optimal to gain strength for someone who is
195 pounds.
Four portions of protein are optimal to gain strength for someone who is
156 pounds.
Three portions of protein will be optimal for strength for someone who
is 117 pounds.
If you’re thinking of a portion of protein being palm-sized, you might need
one portion, 1.3 portions, 1.7 portions, or even two portions of protein at each
meal.
If your primary goal is weight loss, three portions of protein per day will
probably be sufficient. If your main goal is strength, you’re going to want more,
based on how much you weigh. For someone who has mixed goals of getting
both lean and strong, you may find your protein portions should fall in between.
The other thing to keep in mind is, there’s a huge difference between
“optimal” and “required.” We don’t live in a perfect world, and we really don’t
need to hit optimal most of the time. The majority of my clients are normal folks
who want to lose weight. If they can get to three portions of protein per day,
they’re doing awesome. They lose weight, and they all get stronger. They don’t
care if getting stronger takes slightly longer because they aren’t hitting “optimal”
in their protein intake. They’re getting enough, and they get stronger over time.
One research review, A Critical Examination of Dietary Protein Requirements,
Benefits, and Excesses in Athletes, looked at minimal versus optimal amounts of
protein. This review also put optimal daily protein intake at .7 grams of protein
per pound of bodyweight, and put minimal required protein for strength gain at
.55 grams of protein per pound of bodyweight. Looking at the minimums for
strength gain:117
Four portions of protein meets the requirements for anyone 218 pounds
or under.
Three portions of protein meets the requirements for anyone 163 pounds
or under.
The people who hit optimal tend to be my clients who are athletes, personal
trainers, and kettlebell instructors. Getting stronger is a high priority for them
and it’s worth getting to optimal for them. The majority of my clients just hit the
minimum, and they also get stronger. You get to choose for yourself.
PLATING SUB-SKILLS
Increase protein: Protein is magical for increasing fullness. Many people
get hungry between meals because they aren’t eating enough protein.
It’s also the building block of muscle—if you want to be lean and
strong, you need to get enough protein. It can be really helpful just to
work on increasing protein for a few weeks.
Increase vegetables: Vegetables are a magic bullet for fullness. Slowly
working your way up to one or two portions of vegetables (half a plate)
will be helpful and sometimes even necessary for people to be able to
notice they are full between meals.
Reduce fat intake: The thing about fat is it’s really easy to over-do. For
starters, it doesn’t take much fat to add up to a lot of calories. It’s easy to
have five servings of fat on a plate (like egg yolks, and olive oil, and
avocado, and bacon) and not even notice. Based on quantity, just the
guacamole and sour cream at your favorite restaurant might add up to
five servings. Also, while fat is amazing for keeping you full between
meals, it doesn’t have a big impact on your ability to notice how full you
are during a meal. If you’ve ever felt pretty good during a meal but too
full an hour later, that was probably too much fat.
Reduce carbohydrate intake: Right now, low carbohydrate diets are all
the rage (again), and many people have been taught to be scared of
carbohydrates. This is stupid. We know that if you’re someone who
works out, your strength and performance will be significantly greater if
you eat adequate carbohydrates. The reason people gain weight is
because they have five servings of carbohydrates. No one gains weight
eating one serving of carbohydrates. Feel free to eat a portion of bread
or a portion of rice. There’s a world of difference between one and five
portions.
GUIDELINE
PLATE BALANCED PORTIONS
WHY PRACTICE
Plating healthy portions makes it easier to notice and
THIS
stop when you’re full.
GUIDELINE
“I’m going to plan dinners that are one-quarter
protein, one-quarter carbohydrates, one-half
vegetables, and a tablespoon of fat.”
WAYS TO
GOLDILOCKS
THIS
GUIDELINE
“When I go out to lunch, I’m only going to order one
serving of carbohydrates.”
“I’m going to have protein at every meal this week.”
“I’m going to eat two servings of vegetables at lunch
and dinner this week.”
“I’m going to have fruit with breakfast this week.”
“When I make something in the crock pot, I’m going
to use one-quarter protein, one-quarter
carbohydrates, and one-half vegetables.”
PLATE HEALTHY PORTION SIZES
It makes it easier to stop at a healthy place with food when you plate healthy
portion sizes.
Unit bias is on your side with plating! Maybe you heard of the studies where
they gave people different amounts of snack foods, and people ate whatever unit
they were given. One study tested this with soft pretzels, M&M’s, and Tootsie
Rolls left in the lobby of a large, upscale apartment building. With the
Philadelphia-style soft pretzels, they supplied either whole pretzels or half
pretzels. When there were whole pretzels, people ate the whole pretzels, and
when there were half pretzels, people ate half pretzels. With the M&M’s, people
ate more when serving themselves with a bigger scoop versus a smaller scoop.
With Tootsie Rolls, people ate the same number of Tootsie Rolls whether they
were large (twelve grams) or mini (three grams) candies. In all conditions,
people ate whatever serving “unit” was presented.118
It turns out people are amazingly terrible at estimating how much food is
“enough.” They’ve done studies reducing people’s breakfast by 40% and
reducing lunch by 50%, and people didn’t actually notice or eat more later.119
Other studies have shown that portion sizes we think are “normal” range from
70–190% of a portion. Anything within the perceived-to-be-within-normal
portion range would be eaten.120
Basically, we have a tendency to think the amount of food put in front of us is
the right amount. Most restaurants serve twice as much food as we need and this
works against us. If we don’t pay attention, we’ll eat more than we need because
we assume what’s in front of us is the right amount—though we’ll probably feel
too full later.
However, we can use this to our advantage: By plating healthy portion sizes,
we’re more likely to think the healthy amount we plated ourselves is the “right
amount.”
Thanksgiving dinner is an example most Americans are familiar with. If all the
food is on the table in front of you, you’re far more likely to keep serving
yourself more, never really knowing how much you’ve had. If, on the other
hand, it’s the day after Thanksgiving and you make yourself a turkey sandwich,
you’re likely to eat that sandwich and feel like it was just right.
Note: Please don’t ever try to lose weight on holidays like Thanksgiving. Just
be social and be with your family. Part of what’s cool about skills is that you
don’t “lose your skills” if you don’t worry about them for a day. Just chill and
have fun and enjoy the food and be with people when you have special occasions
with people you love. That also doesn’t mean you need to force-feed yourself
because “it’s a free day.” Just eat normally. Eat what you want, then stop when
full. Enjoy the food. Be with family.
That’s it. That’s all there is. There’s no magic. It’s easier to stop when you’re
full if you plate a portion of chicken and a portion of pasta and two portions of
vegetables than it is when you plate twice that much.
PLATING PORTION SIZES GUIDELINES (THESE ARE NOT
RULES)
Protein: Often a quarter of your plate, or the palm of your hand, or more.
Adjust based on your own needs, fullness, and strength goals.
Vegetables and fruit: Usually about half of your plate, or two fistfuls.
Fat: One tablespoon is a good starting guideline. This could also be one
serving of nuts (often 15–25 nuts, depending on which kind) or onethird to two-thirds of an avocado. If you are using your hand as a guide,
you can think about the size of your thumb. Some people might do
double that or half that, depending on their individual needs.
Carbohydrates: One quarter of your plate, or about the size of your fist.
Adjust based on leanness goals or activity needs—more active athletes
might need more.
The best portion sizes are different for everyone. Feel free to put more or less
on your plate, or use bigger or smaller plates. I can’t emphasize enough that
these are just guidelines, not rules. They’re a place to start thinking about this
and begin experimenting.
The caveat is this: Most people don’t need to adjust their meals nearly as much
as they need to not snack between meals. If you’re snacking between meals,
there’s really no way to know if your portion sizes are correct, because the
snacking always adds so many useless calories.
In terms of portion sizes, you’ll adjust those until you get as lean as you want.
What you eat for portion sizes might be different than someone else. For
example, if you have a significant other, and one of you is 6'2" and the other is
5'2", the person who is shorter will need smaller portion sizes than the taller one.
Those are just the facts.
One last note in terms of plating healthy portion sizes: Many people who have
a history of dieting always plate too little food. They never plate enough, and
they always go back for seconds or snack between meals. Going back for
seconds or snacking between meals always adds up to way more total calories
than if they’d just portioned a healthy amount of food in the first place.
These people need to increase their portion sizes at meals until they aren’t
snacking between meals or going back for seconds.
Note:
This is usually the last skill I have people work on.
If people have done many of the other skills like eating balanced meals and
noticing when they’re hungry or full, portioning often isn’t necessary.
It comes down to this—if you’re doing most of the other skills and your scale
weight hasn’t come down, you’re eating too much food. There could be a bunch
of reasons for this:
1. You notice you’re full, but you keep eating anyway;
2. You’re really stressed out, so you feel hungry for more food than you
need;
3. You aren’t getting enough sleep, so you feel hungry for more food than
you need;
4. You’ve ignored your hunger and fullness cues for decades, and you
aren’t in touch with how much food your body needs.
In any of those cases, it’s totally okay to put less food on the plate, and see
what happens.
Almost universally, people report that at 20 minutes to an hour later, they’re
totally satisfied. And they don’t get truly hungry again until 30 minutes before
the next meal.
The coolest thing about adjusting portion sizes is that you can always selfcheck with the listen-to-your-body skills.
You know you’re plating the right amount when you get truly hungry
about 30 minutes before the next meal.
If you get truly hungry in an hour or two (not cravings), you know you
plated too little.
When adjusting your portion sizes, remember to keep your plate balanced.
Make sure you include enough protein and vegetables.
Note: People almost never eat too much protein. Protein is so great for
increasing fullness, I usually urge people to increase protein. It’s carbohydrates
and fat we often have to reduce to one portion per meal.
Go ahead and have as many vegetables as you want. Veggies are great; just
watch how many servings of fat you put on them.
CUSTOMIZING PORTION SIZES
Not everyone will eat the same amount of food. Not everyone’s portion sizes
will be the same.
Someone who is six feet tall will plate more; someone who is five feet
tall will plate less.
Someone who works construction will plate more; someone who works
at a desk will plate less.
Someone who is 250 pounds will plate more; someone who is 150
pounds will plate less.
Someone who is a lifetime athlete will plate more; someone who is just
getting back into working out will plate less.
You’ll need to adjust the portion sizes based on your individual situation. Most
of us just aren’t that active, and we often don’t need as much food as most
restaurants serve. And, as mentioned earlier, usually the problem is what we eat
mindlessly between meals. That being said, if you’ve got your between-meals
snacking handled (you’ve stopped doing it), you’ll want to adjust your portion
sizes.
You can keep the same ratios (50% vegetables, 25% protein, 25%
carbohydrates, a tablespoon of fat), and scale that up or down, depending on
which way the scale is moving. Some people get smaller plates, and you could,
but you could also just serve yourself a smidge less.
SKILL
PLATE HEALTHY PORTION SIZES
WHY
PRACTICE
THIS
GUIDELINE
Plating healthy portions makes it easier to notice and
stop when you’re full.
“I’m going to use a smaller plate.”
WAYS TO
GOLDILOCKS
THIS
GUIDELINE
“I’m going to plate portions of protein and
carbohydrates that are about the size of my fist, two
fists of vegetables, and about a tablespoon of fat.”
“I’m not going to have four servings of fat on my salad
—olive oil, avocado, bacon, and eggs. I’m going to pick
one serving and have that.”
“I’m not having three servings of carbohydrates with
lunch—rice, beans, and a tortilla. I’m going to pick one
and have that.”
“I’m going to measure my food for a week and
recalibrate my idea of portion sizes.”
EATING WITHOUT SCREENS
Eating without screens is a simple skill: Eat without watching TV or looking at
your phone. Most people already know they eat more while watching TV. It
really surprises people to learn that the research we’ll talk about next shows that
if you eat while watching a screen, you not only eat more at that meal, you also
eat more at the next meal. Or, if you watch TV while eating dinner, you’re more
likely to eat a late night snack later.
This guideline is amazing because you can get leaner without making any
changes to your food content. All you have to do is pay attention to your food.
It’s a super reasonable guideline. It’s also another guideline where people report
enjoying their food more. It’s silly, but people sometimes lose five or ten pounds
just eating without screens and putting the fork down between bites. That’s it.
Studies have shown that people eat more if they eat a meal while watching
TV.121 People snack more while watching TV.122 Television watching increases
the amount of food eaten significantly more than other distracted eating
conditions like social eating or driving.123 Television increases consumption of
pizza by 36% and macaroni and cheese by 71%, whereas listening to music does
not.124 Television viewing at lunch increases afternoon snacking.125
Interestingly, researchers think it may have something to do with memory. Two
studies showed that watching TV not only increased the amount of food people
ate at their next meal, but it also reduced their memory of eating.126 Weirdly, they
got the same results when they had people eat meals in the dark, unable to see
their food.127 The other aspect of eating while distracted is that it reduces our
willpower to eat less.128
One study had people with extreme amnesia consume two lunches in a row.
The first lunch was 1,000 calories, and they were allowed to eat as much as they
wanted. When they were done, they rated how much they liked it and how full
they felt. All of the evidence of having eaten was removed, and then 15 minutes
later, a second 1,000-calorie identical meal was brought in, and they were again
told it was lunch time. They ate the second meal, the same as the first. Some
reported feeling uncomfortable and said they liked the second lunch significantly
less, but they didn’t realize they were full. The researchers concluded that our
memory of the meal might be required for us to understand that the fullness
signals coming from our bodies are, in fact, that we’re full.129
What you should take away from this is that eating without screens may be the
simplest way to reduce calories. Any time we have a way to feel more full, enjoy
our food more, and consume fewer calories, that’s awesome. If we can have all
of that without changing the content of the food or having to count anything…
astronomically cool. This may be one of the most powerful tools we have for
eating less and feeling full.
SKILL
EATING WITHOUT SCREENS
WHY PRACTICE When you eat without screens, you eat less at that
meal; you snack less after the meal, and you eat
THIS GUIDELINE less at the following meal.
“I’m going to talk to my family at dinner.”
“I’m going to listen to music instead of watching TV
WAYS TO
at dinner.”
GOLDILOCKS “I’m going to pay attention to my food instead of
THIS GUIDELINE looking at my phone at lunch.”
“I’m going to eat lunch sitting on a park bench by
work.”
PUT THE FORK DOWN BETWEEN BITES
This is my favorite guideline. It’s simple, actionable, and makes a difference
for almost every client.
It usually doesn’t surprise people that eating slowly reduces total calories
consumed, increases fullness, increases enjoyment, and lowers bodyweight.
Since most people can relate to this already, we’ll just jam through the research:
A meta-analysis of 22 studies showed that eating slower reduces caloric
intake without actually effecting hunger. 130
An eight-year longitudinal study showed that people who ate faster
gained more weight. This result held constant, even controlling for other
variables like age, exercise, and previous bodyweight. Eating speed
turns out to be a major determinant of weight.131
Healthy women who ate slowly ate fewer calories, but were more full
later. Healthy women who ate faster ate more calories, and were hungry
later. Eating slowly is a double awesome of both eating less and being
more full.132
A nationwide survey of middle-aged women found that the women who
self-reported they ate quickly had higher bodyweight than women who
reported eating slowly.133
Putting the fork down between bites is the action of eating slowly. We know
eating slowly gives people a chance to notice they’re getting full. Many people
who are used to eating quickly report that in eating more slowly, they were able
to notice they were getting full while eating—for the first time in their lives.
If you eat a meal in five to ten minutes, you have no chance of noticing you’re
getting full. You also have no real chance of tasting or enjoying your food.
By extending a meal (20 minutes is often a guideline given to work up to), we
find we simultaneously eat less total food (which helps for weight loss), notice
we’re getting full (which helps for satisfaction and sustainability), and we enjoy
the food more (which helps sustainability and enjoying our lives).
Unfortunately, just watching the clock and trying to hold on as hard as possible
to eat slowly doesn’t work. We need actions. One action we can take is to put the
fork or sandwich down between bites. Some people have simply not put a bite
into their mouths while they’re still chewing the previous bite of food. Another
popular option is to take a sip of water between bites. These are things people
who eat slowly do naturally. By practicing these actions, we can reverseengineer eating in a way that has us self-limit meal quantity to the amount of
food our bodies need…and how much we enjoy.
If you’re going on vacation, I recommend this as the only skill to practice
while away. Slowing down meals on vacation always means you enjoy them
more. The double-whammy of enjoying your food more and noticing when
you’re full makes for a really enjoyable vacation. On vacation, you can eat like
you’re wine tasting, enjoying and savoring every bite.
If you know that you typically eat quickly, this is probably the most important
guideline to work on. Start with this one.
IMPORTANT NOTE: WHAT IF I DON’T HAVE TIME TO EAT
SLOWLY?
If you’re a parent of young children and don’t have time to eat slowly because
getting your kids fed is a part-time job, that’s okay.
If you’re a nurse and don’t have time to eat slowly because you have rounds to
do, that’s okay. This skill isn’t an issue when you don’t have time to eat because
you don’t have time to get seconds either.
This is a really effective skill for reducing the amount of food consumed
because you have time to notice. For the people who barely have time to get
some food in their mouths, it’s unnecessary. If your work or home life preclude
you from eating slowly, it’s totally okay. Instead, focus on plating a decent meal
and eating that meal however you can.
Often, for people with limited time, the issue is never plating a real meal;
instead, it’s about having snacks…or eating while cooking, or eating the kids’
food after serving meals. Just try to plate a legit, balanced meal, and eat it in
whatever time frame you can. Then stop.
GUIDELINE
PUT THE FORK DOWN BETWEEN
BITES
WHY
PRACTICE
THIS
GUIDELINE
The most powerful skill for noticing when you’re full is to
eat slower. Putting the fork down between bites is the
simplest action you can take to slow down your eating.
“I’m going to put my fork down between bites at dinner.”
WAYS TO
GOLDILOCKS “I’m going to put the sandwich down between bites at
lunch.”
THIS
GUIDELINE “I’m going to put the fork down between bites all the
meals I eat while I’m on vacation.”
GUIDELINE: WAIT TEN MINUTES BEFORE GETTING
SECONDS OR DESSERT
This guide is amazingly useful and unbelievably simple. It perfectly mirrors
the between-meals guideline of waiting ten minutes before getting a snack or
treat.
Most of us get into a habit where we want seconds, and we eat it mindlessly.
There’s no gap to do any kind of thinking, or make a choice because it happens
so fast. This guideline is about slowing down long enough to choose for
yourself.
The biggest reason most people get seconds is they don’t plate enough food to
begin with; the guideline of plating enough food is required to use this guideline.
You have to plate enough food that you don’t need seconds. Whenever a client is
struggling with having seconds, we always increase the amount of food on the
first plate. If you are plating a silly little amount of food, of course you’re always
going to want seconds.
The next reason most people get seconds is they eat too fast to notice when
they’ve had enough. In that case, slowing down will help. The guideline of
putting the fork down between bites is awesome for that. That being said, if you
mess up and eat too fast, you can use waiting ten minutes before getting seconds
to fix it.
Even if you’ve eaten too fast, you can still wait until the meal has had some
time to settle before having seconds. If you inhaled your food, just wait 20
minutes before having seconds. Most of the time, you’ll find you had enough,
and just need to wait for your body to catch up.
Beyond that, we need to work on smashing the pattern of immediately getting
seconds. When we add a gap between stimulus and response, we have time to
think. We have time to choose. If I want to have seconds but wait ten minutes, I
have the time to notice if I really am hungry for more food or if I’m just in the
habit of getting seconds. I can also check in with myself, and see if I’m just
reacting to stress.
The cool thing is, if after ten minutes you choose to have it, you get to have it.
But you’ve had time to choose. You’ve had time to think. You’ve had time to
check in with your body. If after checking in, you really are still hungry, have
more food.
Most people find that sometimes they’re still hungry, but most of the time—if
they plated enough food to begin with—they’re actually fine. Waiting is an
awesome way to learn to check in with your body and then trust yourself.
It works best not to just wait ten minutes while staring at an open container of
food. If you can, leave the kitchen. Go watch TV or work on a hobby. Read. Do
something fun. If we don’t immediately do something else, we run the risk of
eating out of boredom or just because we’re still sitting there staring at the food.
Similar to the wait 10 minutes before eating a snack guideline, this can be
lengthened or shortened depending on how well it’s going. If you’re struggling
with not getting seconds or having a hard time deciding if you’re satisfied, you
can extend it longer. You could do 20 minutes or even an hour. As you get good
at this skill, you might be able to shorten it to one minute. Super ninja level is
ten seconds.
Always remember, after your waiting period, if you’re truly hungry, you
should eat more. If that’s the case, remember that next time and plate more food
so you don’t get in the habit of getting seconds. For most people, most of the
time, it’s more that we’re enjoying the flavor, and want to eat more rather than
still being hungry. Waiting is an opportunity for us to notice the difference.
GUIDELINE
DELIBERATE SELF-CARE: COPING
SKILLS,
SELF-SOOTHING, AND FUN
ACTIVITIES
WHY
PRACTICE
THIS
GUIDELINE
Most people don’t actually know if they want seconds;
they eat seconds out of habit.
“When I want seconds after dinner, I’m going to go watch
TV for 10 minutes before I have it.”
“If I want a seconds, I’m going to stop for 10 minutes and
WAYS TO
check in with myself to see whether I’m actually hungry.
GOLDILOCKS During that 10 minutes, I’ll read a good book.”
THIS
“If I accidentally eat too fast, I’m going to wait 10 or 20
GUIDELINE minutes before having seconds so I give my body time to
catch up and see if I’m full.”
SKILL DETAILS: LISTEN TO YOUR BODY BETWEEN
MEALS
Distinguish hunger from cravings, boredom,
tiredness, emotions, or thoughts
LISTEN TO YOUR
BODY BETWEEN
MEALS
De-fusion from unwanted thoughts, feelings,
and cravings
Participation in, and five senses experience
of, what’s going on around you right now
Notice and wait through normal hunger: 30
minutes before eating
Notice when tired and go to sleep
DISTINGUISH TRUE HUNGER FROM CRAVINGS,
BOREDOM, TIREDNESS, EMOTIONS, OR THOUGHTS
True hunger:
1. Is in your stomach;
2. Builds over time;
3. Is for a balanced meal.
Cravings, boredom, stress, tiredness, emotional eating:
1. Is not in your stomach;
2. Builds, then fades;
3. Is for a specific treat.
The coolest thing about distinguishing true hunger is this: When you’re
hungry, you should eat.
My clients are often amazed that I want them to eat when they’re hungry. OF
COURSE YOU SHOULD EAT WHEN YOU’RE HUNGRY.
You just need to know the difference between hunger and all of the other
reasons people eat.
It’s not eating when you’re hungry that causes most weight gain—it’s the
eating when you’re not hungry.
I’m re-typing this because we have to repeat it multiple times in food
coaching…over months:
When you’re truly hungry, you should eat a meal.
When you’re bored, stressed, tired, or craving something, we should
find a way to either accept that those are normal human feelings, or we
should add some self-care and healthy coping strategies that address the
actual feelings.
TRUE HUNGER
CRAVINGS, BOREDOM, STRESS,
TIREDNESS, EMOTIONAL EATING
Is for a balanced meal
Is a craving for a specific snack or treat
Builds, and continues to
build over time
Builds, but often begins to fade after 20 minutes
Is a physical sensation
you can feel in your
stomach
Is related to boredom, stress, tiredness, an
emotion, or unwanted thoughts
We need to stop filling non-food needs with food. We need to eat meals when
we’re hungry for meals.
The guideline of eating a meal every four to six hours is often a helpful starting
place for this skill. If you’re eating sooner than four hours, it’s probably a
craving and not true hunger. If you’re waiting more than six hours, that’s usually
too long, and you’ll roll into the next meal too hungry.
Most people have spent their lives ignoring their natural hunger and fullness
cues. They starved when they were hungry, then they snapped and ate when they
had emotions. I get it; you’ve been practicing ignoring your body for decades.
It’s time to flip that.
Again, repeat after me:
Lean and strong people eat a meal when they’re hungry.
Lean and strong people don’t eat to fix non-hunger issues.
Lean and strong people address non-hunger issues with acceptance and
self-care.
Ironically, it’s a simple skill to practice. If you find yourself wanting food and
it’s been less than four hours between meals, ask yourself three questions:
1. Is this hunger a physical sensation I can feel in my stomach?
2. Did this hunger build over time?
3. Am I hungry for a balanced meal?
If you notice yourself saying “no” to the questions above, check in with
yourself and find out what’s going on:
4. Am I bored? Stressed? Tired? Feeling an emotion? Having an unwanted
thought?
Often, “Am I hungry for a balanced meal?” is people’s favorite question. It’s
just so simple. If a meal of green-chili chicken with Spanish rice and a salad
doesn’t sound good but the candy in the candy jar does, that’s a pretty good
indicator you aren’t actually hungry.
For many people, this is the skill that makes the difference in their afternoon
or after dinner snacking. When you discover something isn’t food related, you
can handle the actual issue. For many people, something as simple as going for a
short walk fixes most non-food issues.
SKILL
DISTINGUISH BETWEEN TRUE
HUNGER AND CRAVINGS,
BOREDOM, STRESS, TIREDNESS,
AND EMOTIONS
WHY
PRACTICE
THIS SKILL
Most people who have trouble staying lean, have trouble
because they are eating for non-hunger reasons. Being
able to distinguish between true hunger and non-hunger
cravings often is the most important skill people need to
get lean.
“Between lunch and dinner, I’m going to notice if I feel
hunger in my stomach, or if I just have a headache.”
“If I need a break mid-morning, I’m going to go for a tenminute walk around the building instead of snacking.”
“Between breakfast and lunch, I’m going to notice if I’m
truly hungry, or if I’m just bored.”
WAYS TO
GOLDILOCKS
“Between lunch and dinner, I’m going to notice if I feel
THIS SKILL hunger in my stomach, or if I just need to take a fiveminute break from work.”
“After dinner, I’m going to notice if I’m truly hungry, or if
I’m just bored. If I’m bored, I’ll do a craft.”
“If I know I’m craving a treat because I’m stressed out
after work, I’m going to go for a walk.”
NOTICE AND WAIT THROUGH NORMAL HUNGER BEFORE
MEALS
Noticing and waiting through normal hunger is one of the most powerful selfchecks you can do for plating and stopping when full. The ability to recognize
hunger can be practiced and learned.
Research shows that people who eat when hungry have a lower bodyweight
than people who don’t pay attention to hunger.134 Eating in response to hunger is
associated with lower caloric intake. One hundred and eight-one people who
were trained in recognizing hunger for seven weeks and then practiced on their
own for another 12 weeks found that simply eating when hungry lead to a onethird decrease in calories.135
On top of that, paying attention to hunger signals has wide-ranging wellbeing
benefits. Learning to eat based on actual hunger is related to better body
acceptance, better self-esteem, less depression, lower anxiety, and decreased
body dissatisfaction.136
People who learn to notice their natural hunger cues are also more effective at
noticing what isn’t true hunger, such as stress, cravings, or emotions. In that way,
noticing hunger is a phenomenally effective tool against emotional eating,
boredom eating, stress eating, and tired eating.
Let’s review how we distinguish between the two:
TRUE HUNGER
CRAVINGS, BOREDOM, STRESS,
TIREDNESS, AND EMOTIONS
Is for a balanced meal Is a craving for a specific snack or treat
Builds, and continues
to build over time
Builds, but often begins to fade after 20 minutes
Is a physical
Is related boredom, stress, tiredness, an emotion, or
sensation you can feel unwanted thoughts
in your stomach
You may notice this is the perfect mirror to the previous skill, distinguishing
hunger from cravings, boredom, stress, tiredness, and emotions.
The first step is to notice it is in fact true hunger. Often, this is described as a
“hollow” feeling in your stomach. The same three questions apply to this skill:
1. Is this hunger a physical sensation I can feel in my stomach?
2. Did this hunger build over time?
3. Am I hungry for a balanced meal?
The initial reason the waiting part is cool is that it’s normal. It’s normal to be
hungry for about a half-hour before meals. Many clients are scared to death of
feeling hungry, and often eat bigger meals or snack preemptively to make sure
they never feel hunger.
If you never feel hunger, it will be impossible to lose weight.
But you don’t want to be hungry for hours. If you’re hungry for an hour, you
should definitely eat. This isn’t about starving between meals. In fact, when
people are hungry for hours, they almost always overeat at the next meal. That’s
not the goal. The goal is to be hungry for a reasonable amount of time.
The second reason this is cool is as a self-check for your other guidelines and
skills. If you aren’t hungry 30 minutes before your next meal:
It could be you plated too much at the previous meal.
It could be you didn’t notice when full, and stop then.
It could be this meal is too soon, earlier than four hours.
It could be you snacked between meals.
All of those are great learning experiences. The goal isn’t to nail any of this
stuff perfectly. The goal is to use a skill, and learn about the skills you used at
the previous meal. Unfortunately, there’s an enormous amount of trial and error
in learning all things.
Going back to the clarinet example—in the beginning of learning to play a
clarinet, most people hit more wrong than right notes. Still, a couple years down
the road, they can play much more accurately, even while playing more complex
songs.
Similar to the clarinet, eating skills and guides are a practice. You practice, and
then you self-check with your “noticing hunger” skill.
Working Backward
This is a skill you may often have to work from backward. If you look at your
schedule and notice you’ll have a longer-than-normal gap between lunch and
dinner, you may eat more at lunch to get you through until 30 minutes before
dinner. Similarly, if you have a shorter than normal gap between lunch and
dinner, you might eat less at lunch so you get hungry before dinner.
Stress and Hunger
Stress can screw with people in different ways. Some people when extremely
stressed may have the experience of hunger before they actually need food. On
the other hand, some people when extremely stressed may not feel hunger at all.
Under extreme stress, it’s often better to trust guidelines instead of skills like this
one.
Breakfast Does Not Apply
Because of sleep and the long gap between dinner and breakfast, many people
don’t feel hungry at breakfast time. That’s okay. Go ahead and eat breakfast
anyway. Breakfast is good for you. Just eat breakfast at whatever time makes
sense in your schedule. Then you can practice this skill at lunch and dinner.
SKILL
WHY
PRACTICE
THIS SKILL
NOTICE HUNGER 30 MINUTES
BEFORE A MEAL
It’s normal to feel hungry 30 minutes before meals.
It’s required to be hungry 30 minutes before meals to lose
weight.
“I’m going to try eating a little less at lunch this week to
see if I get hungry 30 minutes before dinner.”
“I’m normally starving before dinner, so I’m going to try
eating a little more at lunch to have hunger land 30
minutes before dinner.”
WAYS TO
GOLDILOCKS
never hungry before lunch, so I’m going to drop my
THIS SKILL “I’m
mid-morning snack to see if I’m hungry 30 minutes before
lunch.
“I’m going to notice when I get hungry, and I’m going to
eat dinner 30 minutes after I notice.”
DE-FUSION—FEEL YOUR FEELINGS AND THINK ABOUT
YOUR THOUGHTS
Defusion means separating your thoughts from your actions—to literally defuse the two.
Fusion is when your thoughts and actions are fused: You have a craving for a
cookie in the afternoon and you eat the cookie.
Defusion is the opposite: You have a craving and you don’t eat the cookie.
I’ll alternate between using “de-fusion” and “defusion.” In contextual
behavioral science, it’s always written as “defusion,” so I’ll use it like that. That
being said, when people read “de-fusion,” they more quickly get what it means
and how to use it.
Most people fight their thoughts and feelings, avoid their thoughts and
feelings, or emotionally numb their thoughts and feelings with food. De-fusion
means accepting those thoughts in such a way that they don’t bully you, and you
can take the actions that matter to you.137
You’ve probably heard advice about trying to change or control your thoughts.
Studies have shown that when people are presented with the option of trying to
change their thoughts to create weight loss, this approach makes the most sense,
and is the most appealing strategy.138
Unfortunately, some of those same researchers found that those strategies can
backfire, especially for people who struggle with emotional eating. They had
participants carry a clear bag of chocolates with them 24 hours per day for a
week, and used one of two strategies: changing thoughts or defusion. They found
that for people with low and medium emotional eating issues, changing thoughts
and defusion both produced similar results. For people with high emotional
eating issues, changing thoughts produced far worse results and caused people to
eat more chocolate. On the flip side, defusion was a really effective strategy for
all groups, especially for the people with high emotional eating issues.139
There have been tons of similar experiments; apparently having people carry
chocolates is a super popular study design! One used specifically overweight
women and found that defusion was more effective than thought control.140
Another also broke out the results by emotional eating scores and again found
that people with higher emotional eating issues did better with defusion.141
Rebound is a big thing too. A study that tracked both chocolates consumed
during the week and chocolates consumed in a fake taste test “after the study”
found that people who used thought suppression techniques ate four times more
chocolates than people who used defusion.142 If you’ve ever had a huge rebound
after trying to control cravings or emotional eating, you know what that rebound
is like.
This is an introduction to the enormous skill of defusion—I’m currently
writing an entire book about it. What we’ll cover here is enough to get you
started.
Defusion is about separating or “de-fusing” from thoughts. When we’re
“fused” with thoughts, we think our unwanted thoughts are true, urgent,
shouldn’t be there, or are commands. 143
An example of an unwanted thought: “I feel fat. This isn’t working.”
THOUGHT
ACTION
WHEN
FUSED
WITH THAT
THOUGHT
“I feel fat.”
Recognizes and accepts it’s normal to
have negative body thoughts in our
Immediately starts diet-obsessed culture. We all have a
a
diet “inner critic.”
new crash diet
Goes back to practicing Lean and
Strong skills
“This isn’t
working.”
Recognizes and accepts it’s normal to
Immediately starts have impatient thoughts. We all have a
diet “inner critic.”
looking for new
crash diets to try
Goes back to practicing Lean and
Strong skills
“I blew my diet.”
Eats all the
leftover pizza and
doughnuts
DE-FUSION AND ACTION
Recognizes and accepts it’s normal to
have perfectionist thoughts. We all
have a perfectionist “inner critic.”
Goes back to practicing Lean and
Strong skills
“I’ll never get good
at any of these
Gives up
skills.”
“Most people just
Gives up or finds
follow a diet and
a new
get results. I’m
diet to try
broken somehow.”
Recognizes and accepts it’s normal to
feel like you aren’t making enough
progress. We all have inner “doubt
monsters.”
Goes back to practicing Lean and
Strong skills
Recognizes and accepts it’s normal to
feel like you aren’t good at things you
haven’t practiced before. We all have
inner “thought monsters.”
Goes back to practicing Lean and
Strong skills
Defusion doesn’t mean fighting your thoughts. It isn’t about fixing your thoughts
and it doesn’t mean having different thoughts or better thoughts.
It’s just about recognizing them as thoughts.
Recognize that in our diet-obsessed culture, we’re going to have a lot of
unhelpful thoughts. It’s normal to have those thoughts with all the diet talk and
diet media and diet marketing that surrounds us. Some people call these your
diet “inner critic” or your diet “thought monster.”
People often report that after a year or two of practice noticing those thoughts
as just thoughts, it turns down the volume on those thoughts. The thoughts seem
far less compelling and less “true.”
But that takes a year or two of practicing the skills while you still have those
thoughts.
People always read this as, “I must fight the thoughts!”
DO NOT FIGHT THE THOUGHTS.
It doesn’t work, and you don’t have to do it. It’s easier to just notice the diet
thoughts as being normal in our culture.
You win by practicing Lean and Strong skills in spite of the thoughts.
Accept the thoughts.
Recognize the thoughts as thoughts.
Remember these thoughts are normal in our diet culture.
Notice many aren’t even from you—they’re things people told you or things
you read or saw on TV.
Remember having thoughts doesn’t mean they’re true or false. Instead,
thoughts are helpful or unhelpful. Debating the truth of a thought is a huge
pitfall.
THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS COME AND GO LIKE THE
WEATHER
We don’t really have control over our thoughts and feelings any more than we
have control over the weather. We have control over our actions.
It might be sunny, and we drive to work. Or, it may be rainy, and we drive to
work. We can’t control whether it’s rainy or sunny, but we can still drive to
work.
Sometimes you have rainy feelings: “I feel sad.” Other times you have sunny
feelings: “I feel happy!”
You can’t really control which you get, when, or how long they last. But just
like rain and sun, they come and go in their own time. Unless you live in Seattle,
the rain always eventually goes away. You drive your car in the direction of your
goals anyway.
Sometimes you have rainy thoughts: “I’m so tired of having to work this hard
on my food,” or “I totally deserve a candy bar.”
Sometimes you have sunny thoughts: “I feel so strong today!”
It’s not about having more sunny thoughts than rainy thoughts. Just like the
weather, you don’t get to control the sun or the rain. Your job is just to drive in
the direction of your goals.
CONTROL WHAT YOU CAN; ACCEPT WHAT YOU CAN’T
I can’t control the weather,
but I can control driving to work.
I can’t control my thoughts and feelings,
but I can control practicing my eating skills.
Just notice if the thought is helping you take actions in line with your values. If
a thought isn’t helping you take actions in line with your values—as with most
diet thoughts—just notice and accept it. Allow that thought to be there while you
take actions in line with your goals.
Defusion is allowing the thoughts to be there.
We’re going to have two ways you can approach defusion in Lean and Strong:
thought/emotion labeling and noticing thoughts and emotions come and go.
THOUGHT LABELING OR EMOTION LABELING LOOKS
LIKE THIS
Say to yourself, “I notice I’m having the thought that _____________”
and actually noticing the difference between being the one who has the
thought or observes the thought versus thinking the thought is you or is
a command.
Label the thought as your “inner critic.”
Label the emotion according to the feelings wheel.
Journal about your thoughts and feelings. See how getting them out on
the page gives you a little distance from them. You clearly see them as
thoughts and feelings.
NOTICING THAT THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS COME AND
GO
Use the weather metaphor. Notice how the weather always changes. Sun
comes and goes in its own time. Rain comes and goes in its own time.
Emotions come and go in their own time.
Think about the movie Inside Out, which I’ll describe more later for
those who haven’t seen it, and notice how it’s normal to have emotions
show up at different times. Sometimes you get joy; sometimes you get
sadness. It’s healthy to let them come and go in their own time.
All of these tools allow you to be with your thoughts and emotions, to let them
be, but give you enough distance you can still practice your eating skills and do
your workouts. When you stop trying to control your thoughts and emotions, it’s
easier to control what actions you take out in the world.
If you can separate from your thoughts—if you can think about your thoughts
—they won’t control you, and they won’t seem as intense. In the research,
sometimes this is called defusion, and sometimes it’s called metacognition. The
ability to think about your thoughts, to step back, gives you power.
There’s a world of difference between:
“I feel fat.”
versus
“I notice I’m having the thought that I feel fat again. I totally get that social
media has taught me to always feel fat. I can recognize I’m having that thought
and where it came from. Even though I’m having that thought, I can still practice
my eating skills; I can still work out; I can still do the things that matter to me. I
know thoughts and feelings come and go like the weather.”
In the first example, the thought is unexamined. Just because it popped into
your head, you assume it’s something you have to engage. Often people assume
a thought is something you need to fix immediately…with food.
In the second example, they think about their thoughts. They realize it’s okay
and normal to have that thought. They realize just because that thought is normal
doesn’t mean it’s helpful and because it isn’t helpful, they don’t take actions
because of it. Instead, they take actions that fit their goals and values, and just let
that thought be.
EMOTIONAL LABELING
Two studies published in Psychological Science found that when unable to
differentiate what emotion they’re feeling, people will be less likely to
effectively cope. The first study found that if people lack skills at differentiating
emotion, they won’t be effective with any emotional coping mechanism. The
second study found that for people who don’t differentiate emotions well, coping
effectiveness depended on which strategies they used. Coping strategies like
rumination on the emotion, suppressing the emotion, and sharing about the
emotion made people feel worse. Coping strategies like looking at a different
perspective about the emotion and distraction from the emotion were neutral.
Only emotional acceptance was effective for people with low emotional
differentiation.144
Emotional differentiation is like hydration. Hydration doesn’t produce magical
results for sports performance, but if you’re dehydrated, performance tanks.
Similarly, emotional differentiation doesn’t create effective coping strategies, but
without emotional differentiation, you’ll be ineffective with all or most coping
strategies.
The way to know you suck at emotional differentiation is if you say you feel
the same all the time. If you say you feel “bad” about everything, you’re
probably not differentiating between different feelings, like sadness or anger. If
you say you “feel fat” all the time, you’re probably substituting “fat” for figuring
out if you feel frustrated, tired, lonely, or sad. If you feel “tired” all the time, you
might investigate if that’s a lazy alternative to doing the work of differentiating.
The easiest way to start differentiating and giving yourself a stronger shot at
coping with emotions without food is to use a feelings wheel. In the beginning,
it’s easier to pick from a menu than to try to come up with the answer from
nothing.
This feelings wheel is inspired by both English teacher Kaitlin Robb’s feelings
wheel and emotion researcher Robert Plutchik’s emotions wheel. I also
borrowed many of the emotions from the emotions distinguished in research by
Alan Cowen and Dacher Keltner.
Don’t get too caught up in the categorizations; just look at the wheel and pick
out a word (or two or three) that describe how you feel. If you feel sad, you can
just say “sad;” you don’t need to pick something on the next ring. Similarly, if
“loneliness” is a better fit, use that. And yes, I know “bored” doesn’t fit well
under “sad.” Again, it’s not that I was trying to create a perfect organization of
emotions; I just wanted to create a menu. If you prefer, you can use Cowen and
Keltner’s emotions, which I made into a menu on page 230. Most of my clients
really like the wheel, so here it is.
Lastly, if you get stuck, notice you might be feeling more than one emotion.
Emotions aren’t binary; it’s normal to feel different things at the same time or in
short succession.
This is an introduction to defusion; my book on just this skill is currently in
process. In the meantime, if you want to dig into this while waiting for it, I
recommend ALiberated Mind by Steven Hayes.
DEFUSION EVERY MONDAY MORNING
People often get freaked about this skill, thinking it’s impossible. It’s actually
already common in your life; you probably just aren’t applying it to food.
Many people think every Monday morning, “I really don’t want to go to work
today” or “My bed is so warm; I just want to stay in bed for another hour.” And
then…they get up and go to work anyway. That’s defusion. You’re already doing
it literally every Monday morning.
That’s all it is.
You aren’t pretending like you’re really stoked to go work at that moment. You
aren’t suppressing how much you don’t want to go to work. You don’t have to
change your thoughts about wanting to go to work…you just go.
You’ve accepted it’s normal and okay not to want to go to work on Monday
morning, and go anyway. It’s normal to have thoughts about wanting to stay in
bed. But you know your values and the kind of person you want to be include
going to work even when you have thoughts that you don’t feel like it.
GIVE IT AT LEAST A MONTH OF PRACTICE
One thing to note about defusion: It takes practice. It’s a high-level skill and
you shouldn’t expect it to work awesomely the first time you try it. Some people
find it actually makes cravings and emotional eating worse for the first couple
weeks.
Other clients found they thought about practicing it a lot, but weren’t actually
using it as a strategy in the moment. Of course, like most skills, just thinking
about using it isn’t as effective as actually using it. Practice is noticing and
accepting your thoughts in the moment.
If you struggle with doing this in the moment, try journaling your thoughts. In
your journal, write it out like, “I’m noticing I’m having the thought that
_________.” Writing it out as a thought you notice yourself having gives you
separation—seeing it on the page gives you a little more distance. The act of
journaling about the thought in this way makes it easier to see the thought as
being separate from you.
That separation gives you the power to choose your actions. It’s a powerful
place to stand with your skill practice: Brains have thoughts, your brain is
currently having thoughts, and you can take actions in this moment completely
contrary to your thoughts.
Give it some time. Put in real practice, in the moment. In months, you might
find it to be the most important and effective tool in your toolbox. It’s worth the
practice and time required.
Multiple studies have shown, at three, six and twelve months, defusion not
only worked well for weight loss, but also increased people’s quality of
life.145,146,147
Three things to remember about thoughts, emotions, and cravings:
1. They are things you have—they are not you.
2. They are normal.
3. They come and go in their own time.
If defusion starts to feel complicated or super hard, remember it’s just
separating your thoughts from your actions. Remember it’s okay for thoughts to
come and go. All you need to do is take actions in line with your values. You
could also look at defusion as “taking action in line with your values, even when
it’s hard.”
SKILL
DEFUSION
WHY
PRACTICE
THIS SKILL
Most people get bullied by their thoughts. They try to fight
their thoughts and feelings, and even if they’re
successful, the thoughts and feelings rebound, and they
emotionally eat later. The only way is through.
“When I have unwanted thoughts, I’m going to journal
about them.”
“When I have intense feelings, I’m going to look at a
feelings wheel and identify my feelings.”
WAYS TO
GOLDILOCKS “I’m going to use the “Driving in the Weather” metaphor to
remember it’s okay to have rain. I just need to drive in the
THIS SKILL direction of my values.”
“I’m going to notice my diet thoughts and remember
where they came from. I’m going to accept them as being
normal in our day and age, and practice my skills even
when I have those thoughts.”
SKILL DETAILS: LISTEN TO YOUR BODY DURING MEALS
Notice before getting too full, and stop
Notice if you’re still hungry, and eat more if you are
LISTEN TO
YOUR BODY
DURING
MEALS
Check in with your stomach mid-meal, then notice or
speculate
about future fullness
Notice flavor enjoyment is different from fullness
Practice five-senses mindfulness
Make sure to eat enough
Stop before eating too much
Check in with your stomach one hour after eating
NOTICE BEFORE GETTING TOO FULL, AND STOP
Noticing before getting too full and stopping has several sub-skills. Given that
each of the skills in this category is a distinct sub-skill, we’re going to do a quick
overview, discuss stopping, and then go into how each sub-skill works.
Notice if still hungry, and eat more if you are
Check in with your stomach mid-meal, notice or speculate about future
fullness
Notice flavor enjoyment is different from fullness
Practice five-senses mindfulness
Make sure to eat enough
Stop before eating too much
Check in with your stomach
one hour after eating
SKILL
NOTICE WHEN FULL,
AND STOP BEFORE EATING TOO
MUCH
WHY
PRACTICE
THIS SKILL
Most people eat too much at meals because they never
check in with their bodies and their stomachs to see how
much they actually need.
“When I check in with my stomach mid-meal, if I feel full,
WAYS TO
I’m going to stop.”
GOLDILOCKS “When I put my fork down between bites, I’m going to
THIS SKILL check in with my stomach. If I feel like it’s the right
amount, I’m going to stop.”
NOTICE WHEN STILL HUNGRY, AND EAT MORE IF YOU
ARE
Eating less than enough is just as unsuccessful as eating more than enough.
The pitfall of working on noticing when full and stopping is that people start
working on eating less and less. Then, if they feel hungry later—a half hour, an
hour, or two hours later—they try to suffer through.
The issue with eating too little at meals is that people almost always end up
snacking later. Then they get in a cycle of eating too little of their balanced meal
and too much of whatever shows up as a snack when they’re super hungry. The
snacks always end up being more calories and less nutrition than what they
would have gotten at the earlier meal. The snacks also don’t provide as much
fullness as if they’d just eaten a little more at the meal. They think they have an
insurmountable problem with snacking, but really the problem was they’re
eating too little at meals.
A simple fix: If you finish what you’ve plated, wait another ten or twenty
minutes to see if you feel satisfied. If you’re still hungry, eat some more.
Checking in with your stomach after eating is the only way to really learn the
right amount to eat at a meal. If you’ve put your fork down between bites,
you’ve enjoyed the meal with five-senses experiencing, and if it was a balanced
and whole-food meal, you should be able to learn how to tell when you’ve had
the right amount. If you still feel hungry ten minutes after your meal, eat some
more.
Note: Don’t just white-knuckle waiting ten or twenty minutes. Talk to your
family. Watch TV.
Don’t stare at the food and wait, because people who are food reactive—they
want food when they see it—will have the experience of wanting it even if they
don’t feel hungry.
SKILL
NOTICE WHEN STILL HUNGRY
AND EAT MORE IF YOU ARE
WHY
PRACTICE
THIS SKILL
Many people who have trouble with snacking between
meals are eating too little during meals.
WAYS TO
“If I finish eating and want seconds, I’m going to wait ten
GOLDILOCKS minutes to see if I’m still truly hungry. If I am, I’m going to
THIS SKILL have more.”
CHECK IN WITH YOUR STOMACH MID-MEAL—NOTICE
AND SPECULATE ABOUT FUTURE FULLNESS
This idea is cool because it’s a relatively simple way to start practicing noticing
when full. All you do is check in with your stomach halfway through the meal.
See how your stomach feels. Start to speculate about your future fullness.
Take a look at the food on the plate and try to guess if it’s the right amount, or
too much or too little. The issue most people have with food volume is a lack of
awareness. They can’t tell they’re getting full because they’ve never actually
checked in with their stomachs.
Many people never check in with their stomach because they’re watching TV
and eating really fast, making food a thing that happens in the background. They
always end up eating too much because they never check in before the food is
gone.
Other people have been heavily dieting for years and don’t check in with their
stomachs because they base everything they eat on external counts like macros,
or calories, or the meal plan. Because everything is always coming from outside,
they never check in with their stomachs. Sometimes they under-eat because that
was the meal plan. Or sometimes they over-eat because they had calories left
over for the day.
Trusting your body to tell you the right amount of food takes a lot of practice.
The practice looks like this:
1. Check in with your stomach mid-meal and speculate on how full you’re
going to be.
2. Check in at the end of the meal to see how your stomach feels.
3. Check in with your stomach sometime before the next meal to see if you
got it right.
Steps one and two are basically guesses. Step three is where you self-check.
Over time with more self-checking, you’ll see how well you did at your
guesses during meals. After a couple months of practice, you’ll notice you’ve
gotten really good at guessing most of the time. Your confidence in your midmeal guess will build with the experience of self-checking.
SKILL
CHECK IN WITH YOUR STOMACH
MID-MEAL, NOTICE AND SPECULATE
ABOUT FUTURE FULLNESS
WHY
PRACTICE
THIS SKILL
This is a simple and actionable way to start checking in
with your stomach and being mindful about fullness.
“I’m going to remember to check in with my stomach
about halfway through the meal, and guess about future
fullness.”
“I’m going to draw a line down the center of my plate with
my fork, and when I get to the line, I’m going to check in
with my stomach, and guess about future fullness.”
“I’m going to set a timer for ten minutes and when the
WAYS TO
timer goes off, I’m going to check in with my stomach,
GOLDILOCKS and guess about future fullness.”
THIS SKILL “I’m going to check in with my stomach halfway through
the meal, three-quarters of the way through the meal, and
at the end of the meal.”
“I’m going to check in with my stomach an hour after the
lunch, and see if I guessed right.”
“I’m going to check in with my stomach an hour before
dinner, and see if I guessed right at lunch.”
NOTICE FLAVOR ENJOYMENT IS DIFFERENT FROM
FULLNESS
Noticing diminishing returns is about noticing when flavor enjoyment begins
to diminish.
There are basically two ways to use diminishing returns:
1. Similar to noticing when full, notice when you’re no longer enjoying
your food…and stop eating.
2. Noticing flavor enjoyment is totally different from fullness, where
flavor enjoyment might continue long after you’re full. In this case,
you’ll be noticing when you can’t rely on flavor enjoyment diminishing
as a time to stop.
We’ve all had times when something we were eating started to lose the
enjoyment it gave us, but we kept eating. Maybe we keep eating because there’s
more on the plate. Or maybe we keep eating because the box is still open.
Regardless of the circumstances, we’ve found ourselves eating something long
after we stopped enjoying it.
Noticing diminishing returns is pretty simple—just check in with yourself and
see if you’re still enjoying what you’re eating. If you’re no longer enjoying it,
stop.
Other times, we might find certain foods that feel like the flavor enjoyment
could go on forever. That might be chocolate, or it might be pizza. Whatever it is
for you, you have some foods where if you relied on flavor enjoyment, you’d eat
way, way, way past full.
In those cases, we use the skill in the opposite way—we recognize fullness and
flavor enjoyment are independent. This way, we aren’t surprised that after three
slices of pizza, a fourth sounds good. We can know (often ahead of time) that
“just one more” will always sound good, even if that’s going to leave us feeling
gross and overfull later.
This can be a powerful distinction. For example, I know I’m always going to
want “just one more chocolate chip cookie” because they’re awesome. It’s better
to decide ahead of time that three cookies will be enough, and then stop after
that. Even though the flavor enjoyment is still high, I know more will leave me
feeling stuffed. More doesn’t fit my values.
Sometimes even delicious balanced meals fall into this category. Many of my
clients make really amazing food. These balanced meals with delicious
vegetables, protein, carbohydrates, and fat can be similar; after one plate, it’s still
delicious and you want more. Of course you want more; you made it delicious!
You can work with this flavor and fullness discrepancy either by paying
attention to fullness or by plating appropriate portions. Either way works. The
trick is not to be surprised if you still want more of something that’s super
delicious.
Usually the “waiting before having seconds” and “doing something engaging
after eating” guidelines work well for this. Whichever way the skill shows up,
check in and notice how the flavor enjoyment is proceeding.
SKILL
NOTICE FLAVOR ENJOYMENT IS
DIFFERENT FROM FULLNESS
WHY
PRACTICE
THIS SKILL
This is a simple and actionable way to start checking
in with yourself to see if you’re enjoying your food.
“I’m going to remember to check in with myself at about
three-quarters of the way through the meal to see if I’m
still enjoying it.”
WAYS TO
GOLDILOCKS
THIS SKILL
“If I’m eating my favorite food, I’m going to keep in mind
enjoyment and fullness are different things.”
“If I notice I’m not really enjoying what I’m eating, I’m
going to stop eating and go do something else.”
“If it’s super delicious but I’ve already had one plate, I’m
going to wait 20 minutes and check in with fullness,
before getting seconds.”
FIVE-SENSES MINDFULNESS
One of the clearest accesses to mindfulness is “five senses” experiencing. With
food, that’s as simple as taking a second to:
1. Look at your food;
2. Taste your food;
3. Smell your food;
4. Listen to your food (think crunchy food);
5. Touch your food.
We have a ton of evidence that five-senses experiencing of your food makes
you enjoy your food more, be more satisfied with your food, and be full longer.
Recent research has shown that much of fullness is psychological. We know that
if people pay attention to the sound crunchy food makes, they eat less and feel
more full and satisfied.148
Similarly, a meta-analysis of 24 studies showed that if you can see your meal,
you feel full and more satisfied during the meal. Even weirder, if you don’t look
at your food, you’re also likely to eat more at the next meal.
When you think about it, it’s actually pretty odd to be glued to the TV and not
see your meal, but that’s fairly normal, at least in American culture. Again, that
leads not only to more food consumed at that meal, but also more late night
snacking later.149
Consistent with that meta-analysis, another randomized controlled trial found
that paying more attention to lunch increases your memory of eating it and
decreases snacking in the afternoon.150
Research on mindful eating and serving size has found that attentional
awareness reduced portion sizes of energy-dense food.151
You would think tasting the food would be a thing people do, but they really
don’t. Most people guzzle their food pretty quickly, often while watching a
screen; they barely notice their food. For contrast, watch a cooking show on TV.
Notice how the judges taste the food—they look at it; they smell it; they notice
the texture (feel) of the food in the mouth, and they try to pick out all the flavors.
Picking out flavors is an actionable way to start noticing taste. See if you can
pick out the seasonings.
Notice the difference between the taste of the sauce versus the taste of what the
sauce covers. Taste the difference between the protein and the vegetables.
Five-senses mindfulness can have a huge impact on your feelings of fullness
between meals. On top of that, everyone reports enjoying their food more.
SKILL
FIVE-SENSES EXPERIENCING
WHY
PRACTICE
THIS SKILL
Paying attention to some or all of your five senses while
eating increases both food enjoyment and fullness.
“During lunch, I’m going to stop every time I put my fork
down and pay attention to how my food tastes.”
“During dinner, I’m going to stop twice and pay attention
to how my food looks.”
WAYS TO
GOLDILOCKS
THIS SKILL
“During dinner, I’m going to stop three times and notice
how my dinner smells.”
CHECK IN WITH YOUR STOMACH ONE HOUR AFTER
EATING
This is the self-check for the listen-to-your-body skills.
Simply checking in with your stomach one hour after a meal lets you know
how well you did with the other listen-to-your-body skills. If you nailed noticing
when full and stopping, you should feel pretty good one hour after eating. If you
undershot, you might be a little hungry. If you overshot, you might feel too full.
On the flip side, this skill can be a super helpful first skill if you’re struggling
with any of these listen-to-your-body skills:
Checking in with your stomach mid-meal;
Noticing flavor enjoyment is different from fullness;
Noticing when full, and stopping if you are.
Many people have trouble at first with the skills “noticing flavor enjoyment is
different from fullness,” “checking in with your stomach mid-meal,” or
“noticing when full, and stopping if you are.” They often say they always feel
hungry during meals and when they stop eating. If that’s the case, you can set
those skills aside for now and just use this self-check one hour after eating to see
if you ate too much or too little.
Simply use this skill—check in with your stomach one hour after eating—to
adjust your plate guidelines.
I’ve had clients who reduced the total amount of food on their plates by a third
and realized they were full and satisfied an hour later. They found they had
gotten in the habit of eating more food than they needed.
It’s actually a pretty weird experience to realize you’ve been eating more food
than you need just because you got used to serving yourself or ordering a certain
amount. It’s extraordinarily cool to discover you can eat fewer calories without
counting them, and without actually feeling starved between meals.
Note: The goal is to check in with your stomach. This isn’t checking in to see if
you’d like to eat something else, if you’re bored, if you’re stressed, or if you
want a treat. You’re checking in with your stomach to see if you’re hungry in
your stomach.
If you’re having trouble distinguishing this, pair it with the “distinguish true
hunger versus stress, boredom, tiredness, or emotions” skill. Here’s a quick
recap of the three questions in that skill:
1. Do I feel a “hollow” feeling in my stomach or do I feel something else
(tired, headache, bored, stressed)?
2. Am I hungry for a complete meal
or a specific treat?
3. Does the hunger build over time, or build and then fade?
If you feel legitimately hungry, eat a snack that’s clearly healthy, like a banana
and a dozen almonds to get you through to the next meal. If you aren’t hungry,
that’s awesome! That means you did well plating your last meal, both in terms of
quantity and balance.
SKILL
CHECK IN WITH YOUR STOMACH
AFTER EATING
WHY
PRACTICE
THIS SKILL
This is the self-check for the other during-meal listen-toyour-body skills.
“I’m going to check in with my stomach an hour after
lunch to see if I guessed right.”
WAYS TO
“I’m going to check in with my stomach an hour after
GOLDILOCKS lunch to see if I guessed right about fullness at
THIS SKILL breakfast.”
“I’m going to check in with my stomach an hour before
dinner to see if I guessed right at lunch.”
QUICK REVIEW: ALL THE SKILLS FIT INTO THESE FOUR
BOXES
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN MEALS
LISTEN TO Notice when getting
YOUR
full, and stop when
you are
BODY
Distinguish true hunger versus
cravings, boredom, tiredness,
emotions, or thoughts
USE A
Plate healthy and
GUIDELINE balanced portions
Eat a balanced meal every four to six
hours, without snacking
GUIDELINES ARE NOT RULES
A guideline is a tool to streamline decision making. Guidelines are not
mandatory and they are not rules.
People typically want to turn food skill guidelines into rules. Don’t do that.
A guideline is there as a tool to make eating easier for you and to help make
decisions easier. In general, if you’re feeling like you have to choose between
listening to your body and using a guideline, listen to your body.
The caveat is if you’re stressed out, emotional, bored, or tired, it might be
harder to listen to your body. It may be tough to distinguish what’s going on in
your head versus what’s going on in your stomach. In those cases, using a
guideline can be helpful. Those tend to also be the situations in which you have
the least energy to make decisions or to distinguish between true hunger versus
cravings, boredom, stress, and emotions.
MINDFUL DECISION-MAKING, MINDFUL EATING
If it helps in not turning guidelines into rules, you can just think of them as
mindful decision-making. They can simply be a filter to help think your food
decisions through, really fast.
The more mindfulness you put into making a food decision, the less you need a
guideline. If you’re willing to think things through, you can make all your food
decisions simply by thinking through your values. I’ve had clients rock the
mindful decision-making that way; it just takes more “thinking” work.
Guidelines are simply a way to streamline mindful decision-making.
On the flip side, skills aren’t rules either. They’re skills. They could be looked
at as mindful eating or intuitive eating.
The research into mindful eating and mindful decision-making shows that
these have an impact on both scale weight and wellbeing. Mindful eating may
have a slight edge on wellbeing, while mindful decision-making may have a
clear edge on weight loss.152 It’s believed the mindful decision-making edge on
weight loss is because mindful eating can take up to a year of practice to really
get good at, and most studies are shorter than that.
Intuitive eating (IE):
The purpose of IE is to create a better relationship to food and to body
image.
IE is likely the opposite of disordered eating.153
Half of the studies show IE creates weight loss, and half show it creates
a stable weight maintenance, especially for people who are already at a
healthy weight.154
Research consistently shows IE increases psychological well-being,
creates a better relationship to food, and better body image (see citations
above).
Mindful decision making (MDM):
The purpose of MDM is to create weight loss.
Some studies use MDM to increase self-compassion.155
Research consistently shows that MDM creates effective weight loss
(see citations above).
In the only two studies I could find that directly compared IE and MDM,
MDM was more effective for weight loss.156,157
My experience with clients is that combining both—intuitive eating and
mindful decision making—is more effective for weight loss than either one in
isolation.
HOW TO USE COMBINATIONS OF SKILLS FOR MORE
EFFECTIVE SKILL PRACTICE
We have 16 skills in four categories. You’ll probably find it helps—at least in
the beginning—to use a combination of internal and external focus skills for
whatever you’re working on.
You might work on snacking between meals:
Guideline
Eat three or four meals per day
Listen to your body
Distinguish hunger versus cravings, boredom,
tiredness, emotions, or thoughts
Here you could use the external structure of eating three or four meals to notice
when you had a craving for a specific food—not for a full meal—or if you were
eating because of thoughts between meals even while knowing you ate enough at
the last meal.
You might work on meal size:
Guideline
Eat every four to six hours
Listen to your body:
Notice and speculate about fullness
at halfway through the meal
In this case, you could use the external structure of four to six hours between
meals to help you work on noticing and speculating about fullness halfway
through the meal. In the middle of the meal, you’d guess if the amount of food
you’re eating is sufficient to get you to the next meal four to six hours away.
You could do double internal:
Guideline
Notice hunger for 30–60 minutes
Listen to your body
Stop before eating too much
Similar to the last idea, you can work on stopping before eating too much. As
you’re getting to the end of the meal, begin to speculate if you’re in the range of
being satisfied with the meal or if it will be too much and it’s time to stop. Then,
you can self-check with hunger. If you don’t get hungry 30 minutes before the
next meal, you know the previous meal was too much. If you get hungry hours
before the next meal, you know the previous meal was too little.
You might work on meal size again:
Guideline
Eat a meal every four to six hours
Listen to your body
Make sure to eat enough
Eating a meal every four to six hours is a skill of not snacking between meals.
Eat satisfying meals when you eat. When you aren’t ready to eat a meal, don’t
eat anything. This cuts down boredom snacking, food cravings, emotional
eating, and so on. Many people initially fail with that gap between meals simply
because they’re eating too little at meals. Usually, they’ve eaten bird-sized dietrules meals, but the meals are not enough to get them to the next meal, so they
invariably snack on candy or whatever is at hand.
WE’RE WORKING TOWARD TRUSTING YOUR BODY MORE
The goal is always to practice listening your body, and learn to trust it.
In the beginning, or in times of stress, you’ll need to use more guidelines. A
combination of trusting your body and using guidelines is usually ideal for most
people.
If you’re just starting to work on these skills, you may find you aren’t sure
when you’re hungry or full. You may need to wait longer to feel it. In this case,
you may not notice you’re full during the meal, and may need to plate healthy
portions, and then check back with your stomach in an hour or two. You can
self-check, and notice if you feel you had the right amount of food, if you had
too much, or if you had too little.
That between-meals self-check is a cool way to practice internal
focus…before you get good at it.
That practice of checking in with your stomach will help you get better at
noticing your hunger and fullness cues. Eventually, you’ll be able to use them
mid-meal. This could take a year!
Even when you’re really good at noticing your internal cues, you may find
in times of intense stress, tiredness, or emotions, it’s much harder to notice
them.
When that happens, default back to an external focus. You’ll use internal focus
most of the time and external focus once in a while when things are hard.
TROUBLESHOOTING THREE COMMON ISSUES
1. Reverting to dieting, and failing
Essentially, this is about not using guidelines or skills.
2. Practicing trusting your body skills,
but not losing weight
You get somewhat in touch with your body, but don’t yet have enough
skill or have too much stress and tiredness and need to use guidelines.
3. Using guidelines to lose weight,
but not using skills
This runs the risk of turning into a pseudo-diet, and you’ll miss the
longevity and wellbeing benefits of listening to your body. This means
it’s time to start practicing the skills again. Use the guides to help with
skill learning, but start to experiment with trusting your body sometimes
instead of only using guidelines.
GUIDELINES VERSUS LISTEN TO YOUR BODY—EASY
VERSUS HARD
Guidelines are much simpler to practice. It’s easy to tell when you have your
plate set up properly. It’s easy to know when you have a snack between meals.
Trusting your body skills are harder. These are trial-and-error skills that can
take months or sometimes even a couple years to master. Essentially, the more
time you’ve spent ignoring hunger and fullness—both ignoring hunger trying to
diet and then ignoring fullness on “cheat days”—the more practice you’ve had
teaching yourself to ignore those internal cues. Give yourself time to relearn
them.
The really cool thing is, both trusting your body and using guidelines for food
can co-exist. In fact, they help each other.
It’s easier to eat just enough if you’ve plated healthy portion sizes. You might
end up only needing a little more or a little less, but it’s easier to figure that out if
you start pretty close.
Like unit bias, which we talked about in the plating skill section, we’re more
likely to feel like something is the right amount if it’s what’s on our plate. That
means if we pay attention, eat slowly, and plate our meals appropriately, when
we do feel hungry, there’s a pretty good chance we actually are. It’s a way to set
ourselves up to win.
At the same time, if a person has snacked or grazed throughout life, it can be
really hard to distinguish hunger versus boredom or stress between meals.
Having a guideline like “Eat every four to six hours” can help a person think
through the craving that shows up two hours after breakfast.
PROBLEMS WITH ONE OR THE OTHER
The listen-to-your-body skills and using guidelines really do work together.
This is probably a stark contrast to what you may have heard elsewhere in the
nutrition world.
Most people in the weight loss field only teach dieting, which sucks. The
people who are better at this usually only teach guidelines. Their clients never
actually get in touch with their own bodies. They spend their entire life feeling
like their hunger and fullness is an adversary, like they have to fight their bodies
every day to lose weight. Even with the best intentions, this pretty quickly
devolves into diet rules and a perceived deprivation experience.
Then, most people who teach trusting the body or intuitive eating tend to
bristle against the mention of guidelines. This is usually the extreme anti-diet
crowd. I may lean this way philosophically, but I’m also a realist. Trusting your
body takes a long time to learn. It’s worth starting with a fair amount of external
cues, and then relying on them less and less over time. Also, in times of intense
stress, many people don’t “hear” their internal cues. In that case, relying on
external cues is super helpful.
It’s really awesome to have those cues inform your guidelines as you’re
practicing trusting your body. For example, if you’re practicing eating just
enough, you can self-check by eating every four to six hours. If you eat a meal
and stop when you think you might be full, you can then see if it was the right
amount. If you get truly hungry in three hours—not a craving or stress eating—
you know it was too little. If you’re still full at six hours, you know it was too
much.
In this way, you can use an external cue of four to six hours between meals to
help you learn the internal cue of stopping when full.
MULTIPLE SKILLS AT ONCE IS USUALLY BETTER THAN
ONE AT A TIME
We talked earlier about using two skills together, like a listen-to-your-body
skill and a guideline, both focused on the same thing. Let’s look at using three
skills to triangulate:
1. Guideline: Eat every four to six hours, without snacking in between.
2. Listen to your body: Note hunger 30 minutes before eating.
3. Listen to your body: Make sure to eat enough OR stop before eating
too much.
Here you’re using a guideline like four to six hours between meals to nail
down not snacking between meals. Then, you’re using make sure to eat enough
OR stop before eating too much to work on eating the right amount at meals.
Triangulation/self-check: Here is where it gets really cool: Noting hunger 30
minutes before eating triangulates the two skills—if you eat the right amount at
the meals, you should get hungry 30 minutes before your next meal, and that’s
four to six hours later.
Another example of using three skills to triangulate:
1. Guideline: Eat every four to six hours, without snacking in between.
2. Listen to your body: Distinguish hunger versus cravings, boredom,
tiredness, emotions, or thoughts.
3. Listen to your body: Note hunger 30 minutes before eating.
You’re using a guideline like three or four meals per day to nail down not
snacking between meals. Then, you’re using distinguish hunger from
boredom, cravings, and stress to handle not snacking between those meals.
Triangulation/self-check: Noting hunger 30 minutes before eating triangulates
the two skills—if you notice the cravings and stress and boredom snacking
between meals, you’re also recognizing true hunger.
You can tell when you’re actually hungry, and after being hungry for 30
minutes, you can eat an actual balanced and satisfying meal.
EATING WHILE ON VACATION
When eating on vacation, one of the skills that travels best is to put the fork
down between bites. This is usually the only skill people should practice while
they’re on vacation. If you’re in Italy, you should:
1. Eat all of the amazing food.
2. Eat slowly enough to enjoy all of it.
If you’re on vacation, eat like you’re wine tasting. Enjoy every bite. Find each
flavor; pick out the different seasonings. Look at your food while you’re eating
it. Look at your surroundings. Smell the food. Listen to the sounds particular to
the place where you are—be there.
Many clients have had “weight neutral” vacations simply by putting the fork
down between bites. They enjoyed their food more and noticed when they got
full…and stopped eating.
Some clients have mentioned that on previous vacations to places with
amazing food, they found themselves eating too much at meals and feeling
sluggish. The sluggishness actually had a negative impact on their sightseeing
later in the day.
Put the fork down between bites (or the pizza, taco, gyro, or baguette), and
enjoy your food. Then, stop when you’re full. Go and have a great time
sightseeing.
SOCIAL EATING
Again, putting the fork down between bites can be a simple and magical way to
regulate food while being social. It doesn’t matter the content of the food that
shows up, you can always put the fork down between bites.
Plating healthy portions works well more often than people think. If you’re at
a bar-b-que, you can probably balance your plate without too much effort. You
can get some protein (steak, hamburger, chicken, hot-dog, pulled pork), get some
carbohydrates (a bun, or chips, or beans, or potato salad), and people usually
have some sort of vegetables (a salad, coleslaw, or a veggie plate).
The same goes for other places people typically assume they can’t eat a
balanced meal, like an Italian restaurant. You could get protein (chicken
parmesan), carbohydrates (one portion of spaghetti), and a salad. They may
serve you five portions of spaghetti, but you eat just the one. Some clients even
draw a line in the portions with their fork.
But the point is, you get to eat out—to do something social. You aren’t
restricted. Once in a while you can eat anywhere. There’s nothing terrible about
spaghetti—just have one portion of spaghetti instead of five. It’s portions two to
five that get people in trouble, not portion one.
PHASES OF MORE GUIDELINES AND PHASES OF MORE
LISTEN-TO-YOUR-BODY SKILLS
Clients often note that when things have been going well for a while, it’s easier
to rely on the listen-to-your-body skills. The body falls into a rhythm, and the
regularity of normal life makes it fairly simple to eat every four to six hours, stop
when full, not snack between meals, and so on.
On the flip side, when people come back from a vacation where they ate more
treats, had bigger meals, and drank more alcohol than normal, they might find
themselves craving far bigger meals and craving snacks more often than normal.
They keep checking in and feeling like they “really want it,” but simultaneously,
they know it’s just because they’ve recently gotten in the habit of eating more.
This is when it’s totally normal to shut off the listen-to-your-body skill practice
for a week, focus on eating guidelines, and just get back to normal. Often, after a
week of guidelines, you’ll feel reset, and it will be much easier to go back to
listen-to-your-body skills.
It’s okay to intervene. It’s okay to say, “It fit my values to eat more food on
vacation in Italy. And now, it fits my values to eat less food,” then implement
some guidelines.
If I value reasonableness: “It was reasonable to eat all the great food in Italy. It
isn’t reasonable to continue eating like I’m in Italy now that I’m home. It’s
unbalanced.”
Similarly, if we’re practicing saying “yes” to treats sometimes and “no” to
treats other times, some weeks we may have more and other weeks we might
have less.
That’s normal and fine. But, if you find you’ve had treats every day for a week,
you might notice that doesn’t fit your values. You could implement a guideline
for a couple days to end that streak of treats every day. Once you’ve done a mini
reset, you can go back to checking in and choosing.
Eating guidelines are awesome for any time that checking in and trusting your
body has gotten harder, like when you’ve fallen into a habit of eating in a way
that doesn’t fit your values. Guidelines are good for pattern-smashing.
IS IT POSSIBLE MY LISTEN TO MY BODY SKILLS ARE OUT
OF WHACK?
Of course it is!
Usually, this is caused by stress, boredom, or emotions, but sometimes it’s just
habit.
If you’re relying mostly on listen-to-your-body skills and you aren’t losing
weight, it’s probably time to practice more guidelines. I’ve had dozens of clients
with seasonally stressful jobs who found their listen-to-your-body skills worked
really well in the less stressful times, and worked really poorly in the more
stressful times. In the more stressful times, they totally used guidelines instead.
Sometimes, we’re just used to eating more. Many people find, that after a
couple weeks of using guidelines, they’re happy and satisfied with less food than
they thought they needed. They’d literally just gotten in the habit of eating more.
There isn’t any big thing to coach—there isn’t anything complicated. It’s just a
habit. That’s okay—that happens too.
WRAPPING UP EATING SKILLS AND GUIDELINES
Just remember, in terms of eating skills, there are only four things you ever
need to work on:
LISTEN TO
YOUR
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN MEALS
Notice when
getting full, and
Distinguish true hunger versus cravings,
boredom, tiredness, emotions, or
BODY
stop
thoughts
Plate healthy and
USE A
Eat a balanced meal every four to six
balanced
hours, without snacking in between
GUIDELINE portions
You can work on any of the sub-skills related to these four elements, but these
are the only four big things.
Remember, eating skills—just like learning to play a clarinet—take practice.
Whoever practices the most frequently will get better the fastest. In the coming
chapters, we’ll take a look at what Meta-skills and Turning Points will set you up
to be the most successful in your food skill practice.
SAMPLE TWELVE-WEEK FOOD TRACKER
DAY: M T W TH F S SU
WEEK ONE
DURING
MEALS
Plating: Increase protein
BETWEEN
MEALS
Eat a meal every four to
six hours,
without snacking in
between
DAY: M T W TH F S SU
WEEK TWO
DURING
MEALS
Plating: Increase
vegetables
Distinguish hunger from
stress,
boredom tiredness, or
emotions
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
Eat a meal every four to six
hours,
without snacking in
between
If:
Then:
WEEK
THREE
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
DAY: M T W TH F S SU
Plate balanced meals
Eat a meal every four to six
hours,
without snacking in between
Distinguish hunger from stress,
boredom tiredness, or emotions
PLANNING
If:
Then:
TURNING
POINT
Practice excellence and self-compassion
WEEK
FOUR
DAY: M T W TH F S SU
Plate balanced meals
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
Put the fork down between bites
Eat a meal every four to six
hours,
without snacking in between
Distinguish hunger from stress,
boredom tiredness, or emotions
PLANNING
If:
Then:
TURNING
POINT
Practice excellence and self-compassion
WISE FIVE
Values (list three)
WEEK
FIVE
DURING
MEALS
DAY: M T W TH F S SU
Wait ten minutes before having
seconds
BETWEEN Defusion from unwanted
thoughts, uncomfortable feelings,
MEALS or cravings
DAY: M T W TH F S SU
WEEK SIX
Plate healthy portion sizes
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
WEEK
SEVEN
Wait ten minutes before having
seconds
Eat a meal every four to six
hours, without snacking in
between
Wait ten minutes before having
snacks or treats
If:
Then:
DAY: M T W TH F S SU
Put the fork down between bites
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
Wait ten minutes before having
seconds
Defusion from unwanted
thoughts, uncomfortable feelings,
or cravings
Wait ten minutes before having
snacks or treats
PLANNING If:
Then:
TURNING
POINT
Engagement/flow/goldilocksing
DAY: M T W TH F S SU
DATE:
WEEK
EIGHT
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
Plate balanced meals
Put the fork down between bites
Wait ten minutes before having
snacks or treats
Distinguish hunger from stress,
boredom tiredness, or emotions
PLANNING
If:
Then:
TURNING
POINT
Engagement/flow/goldilocksing
WISE FIVE
Values (list three)
WEEK
NINE
DAY: M T W TH F S SU
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
Notice when getting full, and
stop
Five senses mindfulness during
eating
Distinguish hunger from stress,
boredom tiredness, or emotions
Deliberate self-care instead of
snacking
DAY: M T W TH F S SU
WEEK TEN
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
Plate healthy portion sizes
Five senses mindfulness during
eating
Distinguish hunger from stress,
boredom tiredness, or emotions
Defusion from unwanted
thoughts, uncomfortable feelings,
or cravings
PLANNING If:
Then:
WEEK
ELEVEN
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
DAY: M T W TH F S SU
Notice when getting full, and
stop
Five senses mindfulness during
eating
Eat a meal every four to six
hours, without snacking in
between
Deliberate self-care instead of
snacking
PLANNING
TURNING
POINT
If:
Then:
Weight loss comes from self-care
WEEK
TWELVE
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
DAY: M T W TH F S SU
Plate balanced meals
Notice when getting full, and stop
Distinguish hunger from stress,
boredom tiredness, or emotions
Defusion from unwanted
thoughts, uncomfortable feelings,
or cravings
PLANNING If:
Then:
TURNING
POINT
Weight loss comes from self-care
WISE FIVE Values (list three)
This sample 12 weeks has a fair amount of variety in the skills presented. You’ll
rotate through most of them. If you find this to be too much variety or it moves
too quickly—as many people do—you can simply repeat the sample skills
tracker in first chapter, Your First Month, page 29. I’ve had dozens of clients get
awesome results just repeating the work on those four skills for months. For
some clients, those were the only four skills they ever needed to practice.
You may notice this program is designed such that the first week you only
focus on skill practice. The second week you have skill practice, plus If/Then
planning. The third week, you include a turning point. The last week you include
skills, If/Then planning, a turning point, and values reflection.
This is designed to keep refocusing on the simplest and most important thing:
the skill practice. At the same time, you get to practice the higher order work for
part of each month. It’s okay if during the first month managing all of it feels
like too much; the next month you’ll start again with just skills. You’ll cycle
through the whole system, from the most basic to the most advanced every
month.
You can find blank skill trackers at the back of the book beginning on page
251. After 12 weeks, you should be familiar with the system and your individual
needs, and you can fill in the four skills and guidelines that make the biggest
difference for you.
In Appendix 1, you’ll find a longer skills program and skills programs
designed to meet specific needs.
CHAPTER FOUR
WORKOUT SKILLS
WHAT IS GETTING STRONG? HOW DOES IT WORK?
Workouts are good for five things:
1. Making you lean;
2. Making you strong;
3. Reducing stress;
4. Increasing self-efficacy;
5. Being one component of changing your relationship to your body.
One thing workouts are not great for:
1. Weight loss.
Whatever your scale weight, the volume of strength training work you do plus
your protein intake is the biggest determinate of leanness (read: ratio of muscle
to fat).
Scale weight, on the other hand, is almost all about food skill practice.
Strength is a super cool adaptation to strength training. The body does this
amazing thing called “supercompensation.” Supercompensation means that
when you repeatedly put your body under the same stress (like deadlifting every
week for a month), your body supercompensates—it makes you stronger than
the stress you put it under. It doesn’t just adapt to the workout stress you gave it,
it actually adapts extra to prepare you to do more.
We’re going to use a few different principles to get you as strong as possible:
1. Mostly big movements: push, pull, squat, and hip hinge;
2. Mobility work and corrective exercise is done as “active rest” between
strength exercises;
3. Pay attention to how each movement feels;
4. Treat workouts like skill practice;
5. We use short, medium, and long-term workout planning.
WORKOUT PROGRAM PLANNING (PERIODIZATION)
1. Monthly strength program planning: cycling through weeks of doing the
right amount, doing a little too much, and then recovering and doing too
little;
2. Quarterly strength planning: cycling through different adaptations of
strength, leanness, and endurance;
3. Multi-year strength planning: average monthly volume of work
increases over the first three years; third-year programs have almost
twice as many total sets as first-year programs.
We’re going to focus mostly on big, full-body movements in the following
programs. I’m not against smaller isolation movements for bodybuilding
purposes, but they won’t show up much in this program. If you want to add some
curls or triceps press-downs at the end of your workouts, that’s totally fine, but
the meat of this program is pushing, pulling, hip hinging, and squatting.
This is mostly a time thing. While we’re going to have multiple Lean and
Strong programs with different workloads, they’re all three-day-per-week
programs. If you want to do more of a bodybuilding split and strength train five
or six days per week, that’s awesome (and I’ve had some clients who have done
that), but it isn’t this book.
The majority of my clients have gotten great strength results lifting three days
per week. Some of my clients have added or mixed in conditioning workouts,
and that will be discussed on page 151. Suffice to say, the meat-and-potatoes of
the program is three days of strength training.
HOW WORKING OUT MAKES YOU LEAN
Leanness is the ratio of muscle to fat at a given scale weight. More muscle
means more leanness. Less fat means more leanness. When people say they want
to get “toned,” what they mean is “lean.” And getting leaner is simply a matter
of gaining muscle and losing fat.
Remember: Scale weight is always just calories. The amount of working out
required to hit a weight loss goal without changing what you eat requires more
time than most people have. Sure, when I was in Brazil training in Brazilian jiujitsu 35 hours per week, everyone there lost weight. Most people don’t have that
kind of time, so we handle scale weight with eating skills.
From a workout standpoint, leanness is about gaining muscle. There are two
different things we need to look at for that:
1. Amount of weight lifted;
2. Total volume of work.
The amount of weight lifted is pretty simple. All things being equal, the
person lifting more weight will be leaner than the person lifting less weight.
Over months and years, the weight you lift should be going up.
Now, I’m sure I’m going to get email from folks who’ve been lifting 20, 30,
40 years who are going to tell me about the upper limits of lifting more weight.
This is legit; there’s absolutely a reasonable upper limit on the weights going up.
At some point, we get to “enough.” But, the majority of people reading this
aren’t at their upper limit of strength.
Total volume of work is usually calculated as total sets per week x total reps
per set. It’s actually simpler and more useful to forget the reps and just track how
many hard workout sets you do in a week.
Let’s take an example of a woman I worked with:
Squat three sets of 20 repetitions
with a 35-pound kettlebell
Squat three sets of 3 repetitions
with a 155-pound barbell
Both of those workouts included three sets of squats. For her, both workouts
were appropriately hard. They’re very different workouts, but if we just look at
“three hard sets,” it makes it easier to think about the volume of a workout.
WHY POWERLIFTING ISN’T REQUIRED FOR BEING
STRONG
In this day and age, it’s a little weird to have a book about getting strong that
doesn’t focus on the three powerlifts: bench press, deadlift, and back squat, or
even Olympic weightlifting—the clean and jerk and the snatch.
But wait, should a book on being strong be filled with gymnastics movements?
Should it be gymnastic ring work? Or handstand pushups? Working toward a
planche?
Should it be strongman workouts? Heck, strongman even has “strong” in the
name.
We start to see there are a lot of different ways in which to express strength.
Right now, there are a million strength gurus all telling you the “right way” to be
strong. Not surprisingly, each swears their favorite way to work on strength is
the best.
Lean and Strong is for regular folks to get strong in basic movement patterns.
It isn’t about gymnastics or powerlifting or any other specialized strength sports.
Those are all awesome, but they don’t have a lot to do with what most people
want. If you’re looking for general strength and leanness, Lean and Strong is a
program tailored toward your goals.
I’m going to tell you a secret about strength training programs: If you do them,
you should get stronger at what you’re doing.
If someone is getting stronger at barbell back squats, that’s cool.
If someone is getting stronger at kettlebell front squats, that’s cool.
If someone is getting stronger at rear-foot-elevated split-squats, that’s
cool too.
Those are all legitimate strength movements.
Strength is about getting stronger in the movements you want to do. I think
powerlifting is really cool and if you want to compete in powerlifting, you
should do a program designed for that. Unapologetically Powerful by Jen
Sinkler and Jennifer Vogelgesang Blake is awesome. If you just want to be
strong in your life, Lean and Strong will be perfect.
WORKOUT GUIDELINES AND SKILLS
Workouts also have guidelines and skills. Workout guidelines have to do with
weight selection and exercise selection. Workout skills have to do with
mindfulness and focus during movement.
WORKOUT GUIDELINES
Exercise selection
WORKOUT SKILLS
Internal focus during movement
Weight selection
External focus during movement
Specific form cues
Tension skill
Relaxation skill
WORKOUT GUIDELINES
Guideline: Exercise Selection, The Strength Moves We’re
Going to Use
The moves fall into five main categories:
PUSH
PULL
SQUAT
HIP HINGE
CORE
Using these movements is the most efficient way to get strong at the basics of
human movement.
THE BIG “X” OF BALANCING WORKOUTS
UPPER BODY PUSH
UPPER BODY PULL
LOWER BODY SQUAT
LOWER BODY HIP HINGE
It works out to be pretty close to a front-to-back “X”—balancing your pushing
movements with pulls and balancing your squatting movements with deadlifts.
Then, for supersets we combine a front upper-body movement (push) with a
back lower-body movement (deadlift) or a back upper-body movement (pull)
with a front lower-body movement (squat). It also has the benefit of putting
movements that fatigue your grip—like pullups and deadlifts—in different
supersets.
Example superset combinations:
Pushups and barbell deadlifts
Dumbbell bent-over rows and lunges
Dumbbell bench presses and kettlebell swings
Pullups and double-kettlebell front squats
Dumbbell incline bench presses and staggered-stance deadlifts
Cable rows and goblet squats
VARIATIONS VERSUS PROGRESSIONS
In Fat Loss Happens on Monday, we grouped these categories of movements
into progressions—as in, you’d progress from one to the next. For some
movements, especially bodyweight exercises, progression is the way to make a
movement harder. Going from a pushup to a one-arm pushup is a huge
progression, with lots of steps in between.
In Lean and Strong, all of the categories are variations. There isn’t a start or an
end; they’re just variations on the same patterns. There’s really cool research on
how humans learn, showing that multiple variations of the same principles leads
to better learning than hammering the same variation all the time.158 There are
limits to this, which is why we aren’t doing random movements. That being said,
we’re going to repeatedly vary the same basic patterns.
Two-leg Hip Hinge
Romanian Deadlift
Standard Deadlift
Trap Bar Deadlift
Split-stance Deadlift
Cossack Deadlift
Single-leg Deadlift
One-arm Kettlebell Swing
Dumbbell Single-leg Hip Bridge on Bench
Horizontal Push
Double-Dumbbell Bench Press
Single-kettlebell Floor Press
Pushup
Vertical Push
45° Incline Double-Dumbbell Bench Press
75° Incline Single-Dumbbell Bench Press
Single Kettlebell Military Press
Horizontal Pull
Single-cable Split-stance Row
Double-cable Row
Bent-over Row
Vertical Pull
Assisted Chin-up
Chin-up
Single-arm Lat Pulldown
Squat
Double-kettlebell Squat
Barbell Squat
Walking Lunge
Split Squats
Rear-foot-elevated Split Squats
Core
Band Dead Bug
Kettlebell Dead Bug
Ball Body Saw
Pallof Press
Horizontal Cable Rotation
Low to High Cable Rotations
High to Low Cable Rotation
You may notice that’s significantly more variation than we used in Fat Loss
Happens on Monday. Fat Loss Happens on Monday was a deliberately
minimalist program. This program has an optimal amount of variation. For my
clients who have access to a gym, this is the preferable program, and that’s true
for you too.
Research into motor learning shows that if people can learn multiple variations
of a skill, they more robustly learn that skill.159 For example—a person who
learns how the hinge in a Romanian deadlift, the hinge in a staggered-stance
deadlift, and the hinge in a kettlebell swing are all the same hinge really gets the
feeling for “hinge.” That’s a person to whom I could then expose other hinge
variations, and who would pick them up very quickly.
The trick is to practice a version of the movement for a specified period of
time—like a month—and then move on.
We’re doing variety according to a plan. Randomness isn’t the goal. We’ll
work with a couple variations on each movement for a month, and then change.
BARBELLS VERSUS DUMBBELLS VERSUS KETTLEBELLS
—WHICH IS BETTER?
The short answer is whichever you have access to and whichever feels best for
your body.
Here are different ways of looking at this:
Barbells
Pros: Barbells are the easiest to load, and we can typically do the most work
with a barbell.
Cons: Not every move feels awesome with a barbell for everyone. Not
everyone has access to barbells at their gym or at busy times at their gym.
Dumbbells
Pros: Dumbbells are probably available at every gym—can be used for almost
every move in the book.
Cons: You’ll never be able to use as much load with a dumbbell as with a
barbell.
Cables
Pros: Cables are probably found at every gym and can be used for almost
every move in the book. These are like dumbbells you can point in any direction.
Cons: You’ll never be able to use as much load with a cable as with a barbell.
Suspension Trainer
Pros: A suspension trainer is good for home use, and can be used for most
things that cables are used for with some creativity.
Cons: Some cable moves are easier to load with a cable or a band than a
suspension trainer.
Bands
Pros: Bands are good for home use, and can be used for most things that
cables are used for if you buy heavy enough bands.
Cons: Some core moves are easier to load with a band than cables or a
suspension trainer. Most people don’t buy heavy enough bands to do any real
work.
Kettlebells
Pros: These can be used for almost every move in the book, although they’re
the only implements you can do kettlebell swings with. They’re really solid for
holding front squats.
Cons: You’ll never be able to use as much load with a kettlebell as with a
barbell.
The implement you use doesn’t matter a whole lot. While I’ve listed specific
implements with each exercise in the book, they’re almost interchangeable. The
only exception is swings since you need a kettlebell for those.
But if you’re doing Romanian deadlifts with a barbell, two dumbbells, or two
kettlebells, it doesn’t matter. It changes the movement in an odd way, but you
could even do Romanian deadlifts with two cables in a pinch.
Don’t get too hung up on the tools; use whatever you have access to.
The workouts in this book are written to be done in a gym, but you could do
every workout with kettlebells, bands, and a TRX, if that’s the route you want to
go.
NORMAL STANCE VERSUS SPLIT-STANCE VERSUS
SINGLE-LEG—WHICH IS BETTER?
Do whichever stance feels best today.
We’re going to do our best to work through all of them. There’s a lot of benefit
to this “same but different” variety. Again, we aren’t doing random movements;
we’re working through different variations of the same movements.
Looking at hip hinges:
Normal-stance Romanian Deadlift—You can use a fair amount of weight on
this deadlift with both legs under you splitting the workload.
Staggered-stance Deadlift—You really get to put a lot of the work onto one
leg, while also using the other leg to help with balance.
Single-leg Deadlift—Here, all of the work is on one leg, but we sacrifice the
amount of load we could use because of the balance challenge.
A CASE FOR SPLIT-STANCE AND SINGLE-LEG STRENGTH
The best case for split-stance and single-leg strength work is it works for just
about everyone. I’ve had plenty of clients who at first couldn’t do a barbell back
squat without pain, but could do painless split-squats or step-downs. Similarly,
I’ve never had a client who couldn’t do staggered-stance deadlifts. These feel
good for everyone.
Mike Boyle has made the case that past a certain age, most people are better
off switching to rear-foot-elevated split-squats than barbell back squats. His
basic argument is that there’s a lower chance of injury with single-leg
movements, and balance becomes a more important attribute as we age. It makes
sense.
Ultimately, I want everyone to have the mobility to do whatever they want, and
we will work toward that. In the meantime, staggered-stance and split-stance
moves are solid choices for getting stronger. And people can get really, really
strong in those moves. Of course, if barbell moves feel good, do them. They’re
awesome.
If they don’t feel good in your body, either because you haven’t done enough
mobility work (yet) or because you’ve got a high-mileage body that they bug
sometimes, it’s okay to do something else.
Similarly, even if they feel great most of the time, if you have a night when
you slept funny and they don’t feel good that day, it’s okay to switch to a splitstance or staggered-stance version for a day.
MOBILITY WORK
Mobility work plays three parts:
1. Most people need some mobility work.
2. It’s active rest between sets of strength work.
3. It sets you up to move better in your workout, and creates an upward
spiral of better movement.
We’re going to do the most basic mobility work between sets—the stuff that
seems to make a difference for everyone and that everyone needs. If you sit at a
desk all day, it’s good to be able to move into opposite positions to open up
everything that’s closed all day.
The cool thing about doing mobility work immediately paired with strength
training is we can create mobility at a joint and then immediately load that
movement and practice better movement with that new mobility. It could be
argued that the loaded practice of the better movement has a bigger impact on
being able to hold onto mobility than the mobility work itself.
Here is an example of what it might look like:
1. Deadlift
2. Pushup
3. Hip flexor stretch
The hip flexor stretch is mobility work that opens up the hip joint to be able to
do a better deadlift.
By cycling through these three exercises, you do the mobility work so the
move is better, and then you do the move to solidify that new mobility. The
mobility work will be in italics in the tables throughout the book.
Mobility work also acts as a brake—it forces people to rest enough between
strength sets and not turn every workout into a circuit.
MOBILITY WORK
Quad T-spine Rotations
Hip Flexor Stretch with Rotation
Rear-foot-elevated Hip Flexor Stretch
360° Breathing
Band Clamshells
Bretzel
Band/Wall Hamstring Stretch
PUSHUP VARIATIONS
This book isn’t going to give you a catalog of pushup variations. The basics go
like this:
If you want an easier pushup variation, elevate your hands.
If you want a harder pushup variation, elevate your feet.
If you’re advanced, you could just keep elevating your feet until you’re doing
handstand pushups. And, handstand pushups are awesome.
That being said, if you’re looking for more variety, that’s totally fine. Any
pushup variation you like that fits the rep range of the workout is fine. If you
want to do suspension trainer pushups, spiderman pushups, archer pushups, pike
pushups, one-arm pushups, or pushups with a band or weighted vest…all of
those options are good. If you want a bigger variety of pushup variations, see my
first book, Fat Loss Happens on Monday.
For most people, simply elevating your hands to make it easier is a good
option. I like to use the Smith machine. And, at least for intermediate folks,
elevating the feet will be enough to sufficiently challenge you. If you’re
advanced, I assume you already have some favorite variations.
WHY NO BARBELL HIP THRUSTS?
As of this writing, barbell hip thrusts are the new trendy movement. I think
they’re cool too, and you could totally substitute them into this program.
However, in many gyms, they’re a pain to set up. I have clients who work out
in gyms with great setups, and they do them all the time. Most of my clients,
though, just do single-leg and high-rep dumbbell versions instead, which seems
to work just as well.
Barbell hip thrusts are basically a glute bodybuilding movement and work well
at high reps. I’ve never seen any need for the average client who wants to get
lean and strong to do low-rep barbell hip thrusts. We still have plenty of low-rep
deadlifts in the program, so that end of the spectrum is covered. High-rep singleleg, staggered-stance, and dumbbell hip bridges definitely do the trick of
teaching people how to drive from their glutes, work the opposite end of the
strength curve from deadlifts, and seem to make people better at all things lower
body. I think they’re rad. They’re also portable and easy to set up.
Part of these decisions is just preference and style. If you like barbell hip
thrusts and have a good setup to do them at your gym, you can totally substitute
them for any of the glute bridges in this program.
GYM LOGISTICS AND PAIRING MOVEMENTS
When possible, I try to pair moves with equipment that’s hard to move around,
like assisted pullups, with moves that are easy to move around, like kettlebell
front squats.
Some of my favorite pairs:
Assisted Pullups, either band or machine (hard to move around)
Kettlebell Front Squats
Barbell Deadlifts (hard to move around)
Pushups
Dumbbell Bench Press (hard to move around)
Staggered-stance Deadlifts
Cable Rows (hard to move around)
Walking Lunges
Barbell Squats (hard to move around)
Dumbbell Bent-over Rows
Whenever possible, try to put things together in a way that will work at the
gym where you work out. It doesn’t make sense to pair assisted pullups with
deadlifts if the barbells and plates are on one side of the gym and the assisted
pull-up machine is on the other side. Instead, deadlifts are almost always paired
with pushups, which can be done anywhere.
I’ll often put single-kettlebell floor presses in a program for a multitude of
reasons. Folks with sensitive shoulders often find that floor presses feel great.
Beginners gain control by learning to just barely touch their elbows on the
ground each rep. Advanced trainees often like how safe a single-kettlebell floor
press is for both setting up and finishing with a heavy kettlebell; you can use two
hands and a body roll to get in and out of position, just like you would for a
Turkish getup.
In this program, floor presses are mostly used for logistical concerns: You can
do a floor press anywhere, like next to the barbell you’re deadlifting with or next
to a cable machine you’re using. If you’re in a situation where you can and
would prefer to use a bench instead of the floor for presses, you can switch
those. For many people, though, the floor presses will work really well because
they’re easy to move around.
The workouts are set up in a way that should work for most people at most
gyms. That being said, if your gym is set up in such a way that it makes sense to
do the movements in that workout in a different order, feel free to change the
order so it works for you.
GUIDELINE: WEIGHT SELECTION
The Two Mistakes
People usually make one of two mistakes:
1. They always push the weight higher, even at the expense of form.
2. They never push the weight higher.
How Much Weight to Lift Explained in 100 Email Messages
After Fat Loss Happens on Monday came out, I started getting email messages
about the workouts. In fact, I still get messages every week that fall into one of
two camps:
1. These workouts are brutal!
2. These workouts are way too easy!
“These workouts are brutal! I passed out in my car for the whole rest of the
night afterward.” I responded, “Tell me about the workouts; what weights are
you lifting…how does it feel?”
The response: “I’m on the 3x12 phase. I used two 70-pound kettlebells for the
squats, and did the pullups with a 60-pound weight vest. I did one-arm pushups
for my pushup variation, and then two 53-pound kettlebells for the single-leg
deadlifts. Then I passed out in my car for two hours.”
Digging further, I usually find out the person is really strong and has been
lifting heavy for low reps for the last few years. I’m all about going heavy, so
that’s cool. That being said, if passing out in your car for two hours is cutting
into your family time, you might want to adjust the weights. It’s probably cool to
get in a good workout and be able to hang out with the fam.
On the other hand, I get messages like this:
“I’m on the 3x12 phase. I did the whole workout in ten minutes and it was
super easy. I don’t get why you’re wasting my time.” I responded back, “Tell me
about the workouts; what weights are you lifting…how does it feel?”
The response: “I used two five-pound weights for the squats. For the assisted
pullups, I assisted 95% of my bodyweight. For the pushup variation, I did knee
pushups, and I used two five-pound weights for the single-leg deadlifts.”
The response: “I used two five-pound weights for the squats. For the assisted
pullups, I assisted 95% of my bodyweight. For the pushup variation, I did knee
pushups, and I used two five-pound weights for the single-leg deadlifts.”
Digging deeper still, I discover this person is used to doing cardio strength
classes doing 30 to 40 sets of 20 reps, all with five-pound weights. If you’re
going to do 800 reps per workout, that makes sense.
But if you’re doing a total of 36 reps (3x12), increase the weight. If you don’t
have to rest a minute between each group of exercises, it’s way too light.
Increase the weight.
The people who were emailing me saying it was “way too hard” were always
strong people who hadn’t lifted above five reps per set, in anything, for years.
They were trying to use the same weights for 12- or even 20-rep sets, and getting
crushed. My suggestion to them is, “Try using less weight.” After two or three
responses, we’d settle on the appropriate weights for each rep range.
The people who were saying it was “way too easy” were the opposite—they
had never gone up in weight. They were used to doing group exercise classes
with eight-pound dumbbells, for literally hundreds of reps per workout.
When they went to a lower volume, fewer sets and reps program, it didn’t
occur to them to use a heavier weight. The correspondence back and forth with
them, sometimes six messages in a row, would be, “Try using more weight.”
Then again later, “Try using more weight.” Often after bumping up the weights
five or six times, they’d find they got a great workout.
Both ends of the spectrum surprised me. It never came up in in-person training
because if something looked right form-wise and didn’t look challenging, I’d
always ask, “How do you feel about increasing the weight?” and if form started
coming apart, I’d ask, “How about we drop the weight a little and clean up your
form?”
Usually, we’ll have a series of email exchanges adjusting the weight until
everyone ends up with the right amount of weight for them for that workout…
for that phase. For some people, it will be less weight; for others, it will be more.
For anyone who’s reading this and rolling their eyes, I wouldn’t have thought
I’d have to explain it, but I’ve now received hundreds of messages like this.
A similar email I get often goes like this: “The lunges are really hard, but the
bent-over rows are super easy.”
We want to get as close as possible to equalizing the difficulty across exercises.
With some exercises, you may need to increase the weight…others you may
need to decrease the weight. You should be able to get them all pretty close to
even.
REP RANGES AND WHEN TO INCREASE OR DECREASE
This book doesn’t list actual rep ranges, but you can assume that every set and
rep scheme listed can be treated as “plus or minus two reps, ish.” If you can’t do
within two reps fewer than the suggested rep range, you should probably drop
the weight. If you can do more than two reps more, increase the weight.
If you’re ever doing one of these workouts and thinking, “This is way too
easy,” try doing as many of that move as possible with the weight you’re using.
If you get five or eight more reps than the rep range, that’s a good indicator to
move up in weight. If you get 10 or 20 more reps than the rep range, that’s a
good indicator you should have moved up the weight years ago.
For example:
If the rep range is 12, and you get to 17 reps,
you should move up in weight.
CYCLES OF INCREASING WEIGHT AND CLEANING UP
FORM
I’m not going to give a structure for this because this cycle can exist
independently of the rest of the cycles in the program. And there are already
plenty of cycles in the program.
You want to go through cycles of:
Pushing to increase the weight and/or reps lifted;
Digging deep on form and cleaning up your movement.
WORKOUT SKILLS
WORKOUT SKILLS
Internal focus during movement
External focus during movement
Specific form cues
Tension skill
Relaxation skill
At its most basic, internal focus is focusing on the feeling in the muscle during a
movement. Which muscles are doing the work? It could also be noticing if you
feel the movement in your muscles or your joints. Lastly, it could be where you
feel the weight balanced below your feet (like in a squat) or if you feel a
balanced amount of weight in both hands (like in a bench press).
External focus is about moving something external such as a kettlebell toward
or away from something else. In a deadlift, that could be “pushing the ground
away.” In a military press, that could be “pushing the kettlebell toward the
ceiling.” External focus is moving a weight toward or away from something.
Specific form cues are what we typically think of with workout skills—
discovering if things are lined up right…if we’re in the right position.
Tension skills are about generating more tension. With heavy low-rep work,
more tension in the right places creates more strength and more safety.
Relaxation skills are about being able to relax the right things in the right
amount. In endurance-based workouts, relaxation is a big part of getting to
higher repetitions. Even in low-rep strength work, you probably want to relax
your jaw and neck. Power, speed, and gracefulness all involve the right amount
of relaxation at the right time.
Workout skills are all about awareness. Internal and external focus are the first
two kinds of awareness we’ll cover.
INTERNAL FOCUS
Where do I feel this
working?
EXTERNAL FOCUS
What am I moving the weight toward or away
from?
For example, on a deadlift, you could ask yourself:
Internal
Do I feel that in my butt and hamstrings?
Or do I feel it in my low back?
External
Did I focus on pushing the ground away?
In this example, internal focus is often a good way to check in and see if things
are going well. If you feel the deadlift in your low back instead of your butt and
hamstrings, you know something is wrong.
External focus could then be used to fix the issue: Instead of thinking about
pulling the weight up (which often causes people to use the low back), you’re
going to focus on pushing the ground away (which usually fixes that).
You may even use a combination of the two: Focus on flexing your butt really
hard (internal) and focus on pushing the ground away (external).
These questions are the most basic, but for fun, you could ask yourself
different questions at different times.
External focus has been found to be most effective for movement efficiency,
gaining strength, and for movement learning.160 On the flip side, internal focus
has been found to be most effective for muscle growth.161 Someone who most
wants to get stronger would more often use external focus; someone wanting to
get lean would most often use internal focus, and someone who wants to be lean
and strong would use both at different times.
MINDFULNESS IS NOT A “100% OF THE TIME” THING
I don’t expect you to become a workout monk, with every rep of every
workout being 100% present and mindful. That isn’t realistic or necessary.
It’s normal to have some workouts where you just clock in, do the moves, and
leave. Sometimes, just making it in to the gym is a win.
Also, it’s normal to have your attention and mindfulness vary throughout your
practice. If you can be mindful of a few reps in each set or one set of each
exercise, it will make a difference. Pick a set or two each workout and really
focus. Or, pick a few reps—like the last few reps of each set—and really be
there.
You may notice other things—like how heavy low-rep sets require more
mindfulness than high-rep sets. In heavy, low-rep sets, your ability to be mindful
has a direct impact on how much weight you can lift. Similarly, in heavy low-rep
sets, that mindfulness is required to lift the weights safely. That’s another reason
heavy low-rep sets can be more draining—they require more attentional focus.
The awareness you bring to some parts of your workouts some of the time will
pay big dividends in all your workouts.
In terms of your connection with your body, the mindfulness you bring to your
workouts is everything. We’ll dig in on this more later in the book.
20 QUESTIONS FOR INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL MINDFUL
MOVEMENT
INTERNAL
MINDFULNESS
EXTERNAL
MINDFULNESS
What are you focused on moving?
Is this easy, medium, or
hard?
Where is the target—what are you
moving it toward?
Is this hard in an endurance
way
or a strength way?
Does the movement feel smooth or
jerky?
Where did you feel that
working?
How do your joints feel?
How do your muscles feel?
Do you feel too tight? (in
high-rep phases)
Too loose? (low-rep phases)
Just right?
How loose and efficient can
you be? (high rep)
How tight and solid can you
be? (low rep)
How’s your posture in this
movement?
Do your face, jaw, and neck
feel relaxed?
Does this exercise feel safe?
What one form detail are you
focused on this set?
How did the exercise look when you
videoed it with your phone?
Does this exercise feel
strong?
How was your breathing in
that exercise?
If you really want to dig in and develop your body awareness over a lifetime,
asking yourself a few of those questions each workout can have a huge impact.
The basics of mindfulness in exercise are:
When you notice your mind wandering, bring it back to how you feel in
your body (high-rep sets), or;
When you notice your mind wandering, bring it back to a specific cue or
intention for the set you’re focusing on (low-rep sets).
In high-rep sets, it can be really effective to bring your attention back
internally to how it feels in a certain muscle group. For low-rep sets, it will bring
your attention back externally, like how you’re pushing the dumbbell toward the
ceiling. Of course, this isn’t rigid—you could bring your attention back to either
internal or external awareness with either high- or low-rep exercises. This is just
a useful and intuitive place to start.
It’s normal for your mind to wander. Mindfulness in this case is simply
bringing it back to something you feel in your body or the target—the direction
or a literal target— you have for the weight you’re moving.
The mindfulness you bring to your workouts will dramatically change your
execution of each exercise. It will bring a depth to your practice that will make
your workouts more fun, more challenging, and more engaging. It will reduce
injury and make you stronger.
EXERCISE FORM-SPECIFIC MINDFULNESS
EXERCISE
DEADLIFT
INTERNAL
EXTERNAL
Is your back neutral or
slightly arched?
Are your back pockets moving
toward the back wall?
Can you feel it in your
butt?
Are your feet pushing the floor
away?
Do you feel it working in
your chest and back of
your arms?
PUSHUP
Are you pushing the ground
away?
Do you feel your weight
equally in both hands?
SQUAT
Do you feel this in your
quads?
Do you feel the weight
equally in both feet?
you feel most of your
SPLIT SQUAT Do
weight in the front foot?
Do you feel like your butt
STAGGERED- is doing most of the
work?
STANCE
DEADLIFT Do you feel most of the
weight in your front foot?
Are you pushing the ground
away?
Are you pushing the ground
away?
Are your back pockets moving
toward the back wall?
Are your feet pushing the floor
away?
Do you feel this in your
lats?
Are you pulling your shirt
sleeve back and down at the
top of each rep?
Is your back neutral or
slightly rounded?
Are you pushing the ground
away?
Do you feel like you’re
doing a static crunch?
Are you getting taller from
your ponytail?
PULL-UP
Do you feel this in your
lats?
Are you pulling the bar to your
shirt?
DUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESS
Do you feel this in your
chest and triceps?
Are you pressing the
dumbbells up to the ceiling?
CABLE ROW
PLANK
CABLE
ROTATION
Are you bracing your
butt and abs?
Are you turning your belt
buckle to the wall in front of
you?
Are you turning your back
shoe around?
GOING DEEP IN FORM AS A LIFETIME PRACTICE
More people need to think about lifting like martial arts. It’s normal to start out
at a white belt in a martial art and spend a decade or two working up to a black
belt. Then they spend the rest of their lives deepening their skills as a black belt.
Everyone starts lifting as a white belt; over years, you should spend time
deepening your skill practice of each movement. Go deep into how it feels, the
cues that help you lift the most weight, and dialing in your form.
The most engaging part of strength training is the skill practice. Deep skill
practice over years is the part that can have the biggest impact on the way we
know our bodies and in our relationships to our bodies.
Over the years, these increases in form should come with increases in strength.
But the longer you go, the more skill refinement may be required for incremental
increases in strength.
If we live long enough, we’ll even see our strength decline. But the skill
practice can still be worthwhile and engaging while we maintain as much
strength as possible.
TENSION AS A SKILL VERSUS RELAXATION AS A SKILL
Adding the appropriate amount of tension can be the most important skill for
safely lifting heavy weights. Tension also significantly increases strength.
Essentially, we’re practicing deliberately tightening ourselves up. It usually
looks like:
Flexing your butt;
Bracing your abs;
Squeezing the bar;
Gripping the ground with your feet.
During low-rep workouts, usually in the three- to five-rep range, you to want
to get really tight. You’re going to practice adding tension before the first rep.
In a dumbbell bench press, you could pop the weight up over your shoulders,
then go through the mental checklist: Brace your abs, flex your butt, squeeze the
dumbbells—then start.
In a barbell deadlift, you can go through a similar checklist: Brace your abs,
flex your butt, squeeze the bar as hard as you can, grip the ground with your feet
—then push the ground away.
As this skill develops, people feel both safer and stronger with heavier
weights. In your strength-phase workouts (sets of five reps), you should be
practicing getting tighter. This is a skill you can get better at over months and
years, and it will make a huge difference in your strength.
Note about what not to tighten: Regardless of how tight you get below the
neck, you don’t want to add tension above the neck. Your neck should be
relatively relaxed. Your face should be relaxed. You don’t want to hike your
shoulders up when you’re tightening up. You don’t want to clench your jaw. If
you’re getting sore in your neck or shoulders, video yourself doing the
movements to double check that you aren’t adding tension at your neck and face.
This is a short but solid primer on tension techniques, and is what I work on
with most of my clients. That being said, you can go deeper if you’d like. If you
want to really dig in, I recommend Power to the People and The Naked Warrior
by Pavel Tsatsouline.
Relaxation techniques are on the other end of the spectrum—your ability to do
high-rep sets (15–20 reps) is about how much you can relax while still
maintaining proper form. Endurance is primarily about efficiency.
The thing about the high-tension techniques is that these are exhausting after
more than five reps. High tension is a power tool that’s effective for one job—
lifting heavy. It’s terrible for other things like endurance.
In higher-rep sets, try to relax as much as possible. You might still brace your
core and flex your butt, but maybe only at 50%. You might instead focus more
on getting long and tall through your spine.
Relaxation, like tension, is also a skill. In high-rep sets, ask yourself—is this
harder because I’m tightening up too much? Can I relax a little and still keep my
form? Be aware of when you’re adding tension at times when it’s costing you
reps.
HIGH-REP WORKOUTS VERSUS LOW-REP WORKOUTS
We’re going to do workouts in three different rep ranges. We’ll talk more about
when to use each of those rep ranges in the next section, Meta-skills. For now,
just know there are three basic rep ranges, and we’ll be looking at them
differently.
Different Workouts, Different Skills
Strong (low rep range):
Get as tight as possible to build a strong base to move from.
Really focus on external cues (move this to that).
Workouts are hard because the weight is heavy, and your focus on form
is so intense.
Fit (medium rep range):
Get as relaxed as possible while you can still maintain form so you can
do as many reps as possible.
Really focus on internal cues (what you feel working).
Workouts are hard in a sweaty and muscle-burning kind of way.
Lean (medium rep range):
Have a balanced amount of tension and relaxation.
Balance focus between internal and external cues.
Workouts are hard in a sweaty and muscle-burning kind of way and in a
“the weight is heavy kind of way.”
SHOULD I LIFT TO FAILURE?
A couple rules of thumb:
You can lift closer to failure on movements like pushups.
And you want to stay away from failure on movements like barbell deadlifts.
You can lift closer to failure on high-rep workouts.
And you want to stay away from failure on low-rep workouts.
The big barbell lifts like the deadlift are intense enough that you don’t need to
lift to failure to get a benefit from them. If you’re doing heavy deadlifts, you run
a risk of hurting yourself if you go to the absolute limit. In general, keep a rep or
two in the bank. If you feel like you can do six reps, do five. If you feel like you
can do five reps, do four.
With simpler exercises that have less chance of hurting you, you can often go
closer to failure…or even to failure. There isn’t a lot at risk doing pushups to
failure. With dumbbell bench press, you can get pretty close to failure; just make
sure you save enough strength to safely drop the dumbbells.
Three things to consider:
Don’t hurt yourself. On complex, heavy lifts, keeping a rep or two in
the bank is helpful for safety.
For strength, going to failure often isn’t required. As long as you’re
increasing in strength (lifting more weight), I don’t care if you ever go
to failure. If the goal is to lift more, the goal is to lift more. If you’re
making solid progress, increasing the weight on the bar, and you never
lift to failure, that’s fine. Training to failure isn’t required to increase
strength.162,163,164
For leanness, there’s a benefit to going to failure on moderate- or highrep exercises. Besides weight and volume, metabolic stress makes a
difference in increasing muscle.165
If you want to go to failure on simple, medium- and high-rep exercises, don’t
go to failure on every set—usually just the last set. Some people can go to failure
in three workouts per week, and make progress and increase strength. Other
people may find they get stronger faster when going to failure less often. It’s
individual, and it’s worth experimenting with this.
POST-WORKOUT REFLECTION
The fastest route to get better at any important practice:
1. Plan the practice
2. Practice (mindfully)
3. Reflect on the practice
Similarly, Dan John, discussing strength training, often quotes J. Stanton’s
book, The Gnoll Credo, “Plan the hunt, hunt, discuss the hunt.”
There are questions you can ask yourself to reflect on your workouts. Just pick
one or two that jump out at you on a given day. You can do it in less than a
minute.
INTERNAL
POST WORKOUT
EXTERNAL
PORT WORKOUT
What was your favorite part of
that workout?
How many sets are in the program each day
this week?
How did you express your
values in this workout?
How many sets will there be each day next
week?
What did you learn during this
workout?
Are you stronger in this move than when you
started this program?
What did you notice about your
body this workout?
Is it time to move up the weight in any
exercises?
How hard was that set on a
scale of one to ten?
Is it more appropriate to stay the same or
even lift less in any exercises?
WORKOUT SKILLS RECAP
You have a couple guidelines to work on and five different skills to focus on:
WORKOUT
GUIDELINES
WORKOUT
SKILLS
Exercise selection
Internal focus during movement
Weight selection
External focus during movement
Specific form cues
Tension skill
Relaxation skill
Just like eating skills, workout skills get better over time. It’s a matter of
practice.
Often, the difference between getting stronger and leaner over time hinges on
whether you work out mindlessly or if you build skills over time.
For sure, the most engagement equates to the most enjoyment. And the most
flow you can get in a workout requires spending time practicing workout skills.
The kind of confidence and mastery that changes a person’s relationship to the
body and to fitness is a direct result of developing workout skills.
CHAPTER FIVE
META-SKILLS—
FOOD AND WORKOUT
Don’t Diet
The first step is to stop doing things that don’t work
Eating Skills and Workout Skills
What skills to practice to get lean and strong
Meta-skills
How to practice the skills so your practice is successful each week
The Ten Turning Points
How to think about your skills practice so you don’t sabotage your results
every eight weeks
The Wise Five
Understanding intrinsic motivation and how it works
Let’s review the eating skills:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN MEALS
LISTEN TO
YOUR
BODY
Notice when
getting full,
and stop when
full
USE A
GUIDELINE
Plate healthy and Eat a balanced meal every four to six
balanced portions hours, without snacking in between
Distinguish hunger versus cravings,
boredom, tiredness, emotions, or
thoughts
The eating skills are what you’re practicing:
What I’m practicing is putting my fork down between bites.
What I’m practicing is noticing when I’m full.
The Meta-skills are how and why you’re doing it:
Why I’m practicing putting my fork down between bites is because I
value health.
Why I’m practicing noticing when I’m full is because I value energy.
How I’m practicing noticing when I am full: I’m planning that if I have
pizza for dinner, it’s harder to tell when I am full in the moment. I know
I always want another slice in the moment. So, if I have pizza, then I’ll
have to wait 20 minutes after eating my first serving before being able to
notice if I’m full.
How I’m moderating eating treats is I’m practicing eating flexibility: I
practice saying “yes” to treats sometimes, and I practice saying “no” to
treats other times.
How I’m moderating eating treats is I’m practicing psychological
flexibility: I know sometimes it’s normal to feel sad, and I don’t have to
try to fix that with food.
The Meta-skills are the context that encompass the eating skills.
FOOD META-SKILLS
If/Then Planning
Flexibility
Decision making
from personal values
PLANNING FOR FOOD: IF/THEN PLANNING
The most important Meta-skill for behavior change is If/Then Planning.
If/Then planning is simply a matter of planning for:
3. IF obstacle ________ shows up,
4. THEN I’m going to do __________ to overcome that obstacle.
It’s been shown goal setting is usually not enough, and obstacle planning is an
important and often missing piece of the puzzle.166 People take more consistent
action and have more consistent practice if they expect and plan to overcome
obstacles. In research, this is called implementation intention. It means your
plans to overcome the obstacles that always come up are what make the
difference in success.
Most people fail in behavior change because they repeatedly assume no
obstacles will come up. They don’t think things through and they end up with a
horrible If/Then plan: “IF everything goes perfectly in my life today, THEN I’ll
practice my skills.” Unless you have a charmed life, that’s a recipe for failure.
Research on If/Then Planning
A meta-analysis of 94 individual studies found If/Then planning to be an
extremely consistent and robust predictor of goal achievement.167 In every case,
people who created If/Then plans to overcome obstacles were more successful in
their actions, habit change, and goal achievement than people who didn’t.
The first thing to know is planning for healthy eating has been shown to be
incredibly effective…but that planning not to eat unhealthy food has been found
to be incredibly ineffective.168 This is often the biggest mistake people make—
they say, “If I see some chocolate I want, then I won’t eat it.” Planning not to do
something or not eat the thing just doesn’t work. You have to make your “then”
plan be something you will do, like accept that cravings are normal, or eat a
carrot, or go for a walk. It has to be a “doing” thing, not a “not doing” thing.
Another thing to keep in mind: If/Then plans have been shown to be effective
when the person focuses on the action (in our case, skills and guidelines or
workouts) and not to be effective when a person focuses on the outcome, such as
weight loss or strength.169 Build your planning around the actions you want to
take.
Interestingly, If/Then plans have shown to be effective for working on hard
habit changes, but not easy ones.170 You actually won’t need them for things that
come easily to you; they’ll be the most useful for the skills and guidelines you
struggle with the most.
Similarly, If/Then plans are effective when you’re tired, irritable, anxious, or in
a bad mood. One study manipulated people into good or bad states of mind, and
then had them complete hard tasks. For people in happy, positive states of mind,
task completion was high with or without If/Then planning. Of the people who
were irritable and tired, If/Then planning made a huge difference in task
completion, such that they were equally as effective as the people who were in
great moods.171
EFFECTIVE
NOT EFFECTIVE
Using If/Then plans to eat healthy food
Using If/Then plans not to eat
unhealthy food
Using If/Then plans focusing on skills,
guidelines, and workouts
Using If/Then plans focusing
weight loss and strength gain
Using If/Then plans to work on hard skills,
guidelines, and workouts
Using If/Then plans are
unnecessary when working on
easy things
Using If/Then plans is most effective when
you are tired, irritable, anxious, or in a bad
mood
Using If/Then plans are
unnecessary when you are
stoked about everything
IF/THEN PLANNING WITH CLIENTS
Clients really like If/Then planning for two reasons: First, they get to see, when
they mess up, it isn’t a personal failing; it’s a failure to plan. Second, they get to
make specific plans each week for how to overcome the obstacles that come up
most often in their lives. Most of those coaching calls are simply reflecting on
what did and didn’t work, and creating If/Then plans for the things that were
hard.
THINKING THINGS THROUGH
Again, thinking through obstacles is the most important element of behavior
change.
There are two things people typically don’t consider:
Obstacles are part of life; we need to accept these are part of life and
expect them.
Successful food skill practice isn’t a matter of not having obstacles; it’s
a matter of expecting obstacles and planning for them.
There are two kinds of obstacles we face:
External obstacles: People bringing pizza into the office or having a really
stressful and draining workday
Internal obstacles: Not wanting to feel sad, tired, have cravings, be angry, or
have unwanted thoughts
Most clients find one of these two obstacles is tougher for them.
Sometimes If/Then planning may revolve all around external obstacles:
Obstacle: Eating fast food for dinner when tired
IF I have a 12-hour workday every Wednesday,
THEN I know I need to cook Wednesday’s dinner on Tuesday.
Obstacle: Eating too much at restaurants
IF I get served too much food at the restaurant,
THEN I need to box some up and take it home.
Obstacle: Starving at dinner, then eating too fast and overeating
IF I have eight hours of work on my schedule between lunch and dinner,
THEN I’m going to need a snack halfway in between.
Obstacle: Eating mid-morning when bored at work
IF I crave a snack at 10:00 a.m.,
THEN I’m going to check to see if it’s been four to six hours since breakfast.
For other people, it’s all internal obstacles:
Obstacle: Eating too much candy at work
IF I have a craving for candy in the middle of the afternoon,
THEN I’m going to check to see if I’m hungry for a balanced meal.
Obstacle: Late-night stress eating
IF I have a stressful day at work,
THEN I’m going to veg out on TV after I put the kids to bed.
Obstacle: Emotional eating
IF I feel sad,
THEN I’m going to go for a walk.
Obstacle: Boredom eating
IF I feel bored,
THEN I’m going to work on a craft.
Or we can look at internal obstacles from acceptance:
Obstacle: Eating too much candy at work
IF I have a craving for candy in the middle of the afternoon,
THEN I’m going to remember it’s normal to crave candy.
Obstacle: Late-night stress eating
IF I have a stressful day at work,
THEN I’m going to remember it’s normal and okay that work is stressful
sometimes.
Obstacle: Emotional eating
IF I feel sad,
THEN I’m going to remember it’s normal and human to feel sad sometimes.
Obstacle: Boredom eating
IF I feel bored,
THEN I’m going to remember it’s normal and human to feel bored
sometimes.
Most people find if they do just a little reflection about the previous week, they
can anticipate what obstacles they might find in the upcoming week.
Reflection is a useful tool in your tool box, and it’s necessary for your If/Then
planning. Consider all the skills and Meta-skills and take some time each week
to reflect on how things are going. Sometimes, my clients will give themselves
multiple options:
IF I have a stressful day at work,
THEN I’m going to do one of the following:
Remember it’s okay if work is stressful sometimes.
Go for a ten-minute walk.
Do five minutes of yoga.
Watch funny cat videos on YouTube.
Drink some tea.
It can be nice to have choices. But there’s a huge difference between having
mapped out your choices ahead of time—before you’re stressed out—versus
trying to figure things out in the moment. Having a plan ahead of time is what
makes the biggest difference.
And, your plan can have multiple options.
IF/THEN PLANNING ON YOUR SKILLS TRACKER
It can really work well to add an If/Then plan to your tracker. Plan to overcome
an obstacle each week:
DAY: M T W TH F S SU
EATING
SKILLS
FOOD
GUIDES
VALUES (LIST
THREE)
IF/THEN
PLANNING
Check in with my stomach
mid meal
Check in with my stomach
one hour after eating
Put the fork down between
bites
Eat a meal every four to six
hours
Persistence, compassion,
connectedness
If: I get stressed out at work
Then: I’m going to walk a lap
around the building
Research indicates that If/Then planning is personal—it works better if you
come up with your own plan.
If/Then planning for the following week is one of the biggest things I do with
my coaching clients. You should have a coaching session for yourself every
week in your skill tracker. If it helps, you can journal about the previous week
before your internal coaching session.
Really though, it’s just as simple as identifying one obstacle you had, and then
creating a plan for how to overcome it the following week.
YOUR IF/THEN PLANS FOR ONE OBSTACLE MIGHT WORK
FOR MULTIPLE OBSTACLES
In the beginning, most obstacles will feel like they’re separate. It will seem like
each time you hit an obstacle, it was a completely new problem you’ve never
encountered.
A funny thing happens over time—
As you reflect on the obstacles you’ve encountered, you’ll start to see
many of the obstacles that seemed completely different are actually the
same two or three obstacles, just in slightly different situations.
The more If/Then plans you create, you start to see there are certain
If/Then plans that overcome multiple obstacles.
This is the highest level of skill practice—when you can take skills and
If/Then plans and apply them to multiple situations. This only comes with
practice and reflection and planning. But if you’re doing that practice and
reflection and planning, over time you will see this start to generalize. You’ll
even find yourself using skills or If/Then plans in situations that are totally new.
Ultimately, what looked like a million obstacles will probably only be two or
three. And where skills might seem really different in different situations, like on
weekdays versus weekends, they will all start to become the same skill.
For now, just do your practice, but have in the back of your mind to be looking
for how to generalize your practice to multiple situations over time.
PLANNING FOR WORKOUTS: PERIODIZATION
There are five things we currently know about workout programming:
1. People get stronger over time with almost any consistent strength
program.
2. People get stronger faster with some sort of structured plan—this is
called “periodization.”
3. Most people get stronger faster when they use a variety of rep ranges—
on a monthly basis, that’s called block periodization.
4. People get stronger faster when they cycle the volume of work in some
way—volume periodization.
5. Advanced people get stronger the fastest when they use multiple rep
ranges within a week—advanced programs should use undulating
periodization.
There’s been really cool progress in strength training research over the last ten
years. People are doing better research that more closely resembles how people
actually work out in a gym. Brad Schoenfeld, for example, has really pushed for
more strength training research using people who aren’t new to training, and
using program variables people actually use in real life.
What they have found is that people get better results with a structured
program. Which kind of structured program is definitively best is harder to pin
down, but here’s what the evidence points to:
If you’re a beginner, anything works.
If you’re intermediate, you want some sort of structured program, like
block or linear.
If you’re advanced, you’ll likely get the best results by doing undulating
periodization.
PERIODIZATION RESEARCH
A meta-analysis of 11 studies found that having a periodized program was
more effective for gaining strength, regardless of age, gender, or length of time
training. In all conditions, people got stronger with a periodized workout
program than without.172
One study compared three different four-month workout programs. The first
group lifted 5x10 (five sets of ten reps) for the whole four months. The second
group lifted 6x8 for four months. The third group, the closest to what we are
doing in Lean and Strong, changed rep ranges every month: month one was
5x10; month two was 6x8; month three, 3x6; and month four, 3x4. That third
group got significantly stronger than the first or second groups.173
A study with collegiate women tennis players compared periodized versus nonperiodized programming, and found that the athletes in the periodized training
group got significantly stronger and leaner. What’s cool about this study is that
the participants were high-level athletes, both very strong and very lean. The
nine-month program rotated weekly between 6–8 reps per set, 12–15 reps per
set, and 8–12 reps per set. The athletes had no change in bodyweight, but went
from an already lean and athletic 22.9% bodyfat to a very lean 19.1% bodyfat.
They also had significant increases in maximum strength, anaerobic power
(think high intensity interval training), and tennis serve velocity.174 They
replicated the study a few years later and found similar increases in leanness,
strength, and sport-specific power.175
On the other hand, a systematic review looked at periodized versus nonperiodized training for adults who had never worked out. They found if you’re
an adult new to working out, it doesn’t make a big difference—everything
works.176 If you’re in your first three months of working out, you could do
literally any program and get stronger and leaner. The longer you’ve been
working out, the more difference periodization makes.
One study on young untrained women and strength training was interesting in
that it found different results for leanness and strength with two types of
periodization. The two kinds of periodization included linear, where the reps
changed every month (like the intermediate Lean and Strong program) and
undulating periodization, where there were three set-and-rep ranges each week
(like the Lean and Strong advanced program).
In both groups, the young women studied got leaner and stronger. In the linear
periodization group with sets and reps change monthly, the women got much
leaner. With undulating periodization where the sets and reps rotate daily, the
women got significantly stronger. Again, both groups got leaner and stronger,
but the results suggest that you choose your program based on the primary
goal.177
In terms of rep ranges, in the short term, high reps create more muscular
endurance, and medium and low reps create more maximum strength.178,179,180
That being said, low reps, medium reps, and high reps, all increase strength and
leanness.181,182
Lastly, one study looked at rugby players’ strength training with different rep
ranges, and tested the strength gains each individual athlete had in each rep
range. Some got better results at 3x5 reps, heavy; some got better results at 3x10,
medium heavy; some got the best results at 5x15 with light weights, and some
got the best results at 4x5, light weight.183
As a whole, the results don’t fit any of ways we normally look at strength
training. The big takeaway is that different athletes responded to drastically
different things. It’s a good reason to work with different set and rep ranges: You
don’t know your best fit, but if you do them all in a systematic way, you’re
definitely going to spend some time in the range that’s best for you.
To wrap this up, a bunch of studies have found that any periodization is better
than none.184,185 Other studies have shown that undulating periodization (the
Lean and Strong advanced program) beats other forms of periodization for
recreationally trained women.186 Similar results found undulating periodization
won for recreationally trained men.187
On the other hand, a study of both male and female track athletes found block
periodization, which is the Lean and Strong intermediate program, to be more
effective for strength.188
PERIODIZATION WITH CLIENTS
My clients often note they just enjoy periodized workout programming. They
like knowing there’s a plan; they like understanding the cycles the program goes
through. They enjoy having something consistent enough that they can see
progress, but also changing often enough that it stays interesting. They find it
both engaging as an activity and effective in that they get stronger and leaner.
Linear Periodization
Linear periodization is where we start with higher reps and work our way
down to lower reps. As the reps get lower, we increase the weight. We start with
endurance, and work our way, linearly, to strength. It’s a straightforward way to
structure a program, and that’s why we’re going to have the beginner program be
linear periodization.
The beginner six-month linear periodization program looks like:
1. Fit: 3x20
2. Lean and fit: 3x15
3. Lean: 3x12
4. Lean: 3x10
5. Strong and lean: 3x8
6. Strong: 3x5
A note about the names: Naming these ranges is always weird.
“Strong,” the lower-rep range, is generally the best for practicing the skills of
getting strong.
“Fit,” the high-rep range, is usually the best for practicing the skills of creating
endurance. Honestly, if it matched the other two ranges, I would have called this
rep range “endurance” or “conditioning.”
“Lean,” the medium-rep range, is right in the middle. Sometimes it’s called the
“hypertrophy” range—the muscle-building range—and sometimes people say
it’s best for “toning.” It’s still funny to think of muscle building and toning as the
same thing, usually marketed to different genders. Basically, the quality of
having more muscle and less fat is “leanness,” and this is the phase that’s
probably best for that.
Here’s what we know:
People get stronger in all three rep ranges. They just best express their
strength in the rep range they’ve been practicing.
All three rep ranges make people leaner.
Spending some time in each of the three is probably the most effective.
Volume —the total number of hard sets—also has a big impact on
strength and leanness.
In most cases and for most people, the sum is more than the parts. We get
more of all three if we do the work of cyclically practicing all three.
Block Periodization
Block periodization simply means working through different “blocks” of rep
ranges. We’ll cycle through blocks of leanness, strength, and endurance, but not
in a linear order as shown earlier. In addition to the fact that it works really well,
people like feeling as if each block of the program has a definitive thing to work
on.
When you’re working on endurance, you know you’re working on endurance,
and then that block ends. When you’re working on strength, you work on
strength, and then that block ends. The blocks change like seasons, and it’s
engaging and fun. People find that each time they cycle through, they’re a little
stronger in that block than they were the time before.
The intermediate six-month block periodization program looks like this:
1. Lean: 3x10
2. Fit: 3x20
3. Lean and strong: 3x8
4. Lean: 3x12
5. Lean and fit: 3x15
6. Strong: 3x5
Undulating Periodization
(We really need a different name for this)
Undulating periodization is where you have one day per week to work on
strength, one day to work on endurance, and one to work on leanness. The body
responds to this extremely well—some of the research cited in the previous
section suggests this might have an edge on strength building for advanced
workout folks.
For a beginner trainee, or even intermediate, this can be unwieldy. Beginners
often find there aren’t enough differences between their days for it to make an
impact. People who are intermediate may find it’s more to keep track of than
they’d like.
For people who are advanced, as long as they track the workouts, it’s
manageable and effective.
This is similar to how a skill changes over time—for someone who’s
intermediate, it’s overwhelming; for someone advanced, it’s engaging.
In the advanced undulating periodization program, each week looks like:
Monday—Strong: 3x5
Wednesday—Fit: 3x15
Friday—Lean: 3x10
WHY NOT JUST DO STRONG BLOCKS IF I WANT TO GET
STRONG?
Here you could ask the questions:
Why not just do the strong block over and over if I just want to get
strong?
Why not just do the lean block if I want to get lean?
Per the research mentioned, general fitness folks get both the strongest and
leanest faster when they work through different rep ranges, like lean, strong, and
fit.
Next, we’ll take a look at the subject of practice.
DIFFERENT WORKOUTS, DIFFERENT SKILLS
“Strong” rep range:
Get as tight as possible to build a strong base to move from.
Really focus on external cues—move this to that.
Workouts are hard because the weight is heavy, and your focus on form
is so intense.
“Fit” rep range:
Get as relaxed as possible while you can still maintain form so you can
do as many reps as possible.
Really focus on internal cues—what you feel working.
Workouts are hard in a sweaty and muscle burning kind of way.
“Lean” rep range:
Have a balanced amount of tension and relaxation.
Balance focus between internal and external cues.
Workouts are hard in a sweaty and muscle burning kind of way, and in a
“the weights are heavy kind of way.”
Volume: Low, Medium, and High
The other way we periodize workouts is with total volume. Volume is simply
the number of hard sets in each workout.
In Lean and Strong, we have three intermediate and three advanced workouts.
Excluding the core exercises and conditioning, here’s the volume (including all
exercises) for each phase:
Intermediate, low volume
120 sets per month
Intermediate, medium volume
152 sets per month
Intermediate, high volume
180 sets per month
Advanced, low volume
132 sets per month
Advanced, medium volume
160 sets per month
Advanced, high volume
190 sets per month
All things being equal, the person who does the most volume will get the
leanest and strongest. Oh, if only life were that simple.
Considerations for volume:
The volume should increase the longer you’ve been working out.
Someone new to training cannot lift heavy with high volume. It can take
a few years of consistent lifting to work up to high-volume workouts.
Your stress level will impact how much volume you can recover from. If
your life is super stressful, you often won’t be able to recover from and
make progress with a high-volume program. And if your relationships,
career, food, and sleep are all awesome, you should go ahead and rock
out on a high-volume program.
Not everyone has time in their lives to do a high-volume program. It’s
better to do a program that actually fits into your life.
The volume of work you do should cycle over time. Within each month,
it should cycle from low to high. Over the course of a year, it can also
cycle from low to high. If it works for your life, it makes sense to do a
low-, medium-, and high-volume program, and then start the cycle all
over again.
A meta-analysis of nine studies found that medium- and high-volume
workouts produced better strength results than low-volume workouts.189 Another
meta-analysis and review looking at 15 studies found a dose-response
relationship with muscle gain—every added set per week had a significant effect
on results.190
A study on untrained adult men found that people in low-volume, mediumvolume, and-high volume strength training programs all got leaner and increased
strength, but the men in the high-volume group got the best results.191 A program
comparing low-volume and high-volume strength training for women found that
the women in both groups got leaner and stronger, but the women in the highvolume group got significantly leaner and stronger.192 The study was a little
weird in that the low-volume group did circuits and the high-volume group did a
periodized strength training program, like Lean and Strong. Regardless, the
higher-volume group got better results.
An absolutely giant meta-analysis in The Journal of Strength and
Conditioning looking at a whopping 177 studies found different results for
people who were untrained, recreationally trained, or athletes. Of people who
were untrained or recreationally trained, medium volume was the most effective.
For people who were athletes, high volume was the most effective.193
WHERE TO START
Beginner Low
Intermediate Low
Intermediate Medium
Intermediate High
Advanced Low
Advanced Medium
Advanced High
Ninety percent of the people reading Lean and Strong should start with the
intermediate medium-volume program. Try that for three months and adjust
from there.
If you haven’t followed a structured program for at least six months, do the
beginner program. If you’ve been lifting consistently for more than three years,
try the advanced medium-volume program.
CARDIO AND ADDING MORE
When my clients want to do more, my favorite thing is to have them walk on
their off days. The program literally looks like:
Strength training three days per week
Walk three days per week
The biggest benefit of walking is chilling out. It’s one of the most effective
and positive coping strategies for stress or unwanted emotions. It’s good to relax,
look at the birds and the sky and the trees and the houses, and get away from
electronics.
Research shows that moderately intense walking reduces the stress hormone
cortisol.194 If you walk outdoors195 and notice the birds and trees on your walk, 196
it increases emotional wellbeing.
You could just as easily do some gentle yoga, deep breathing exercises,
qigong, or meditation. I like walking because it’s simple and accessible.
People expect to hear about crushing themselves with punishing cardio to burn
more calories. Honestly, most people will get better results by using walking to
cope with stress and doing less stress eating.
You can ramp this up to cycling or elliptical or jogging or rowing or whatever
you like. But most people will get a better result from treating this addition as
relaxation. Use it to wind yourself down. Down-regulate yourself for a change.
Most people are better off doing some chill cardio to manage stress. Listen to
music or a fun podcast. Or listen to nothing and just be with your thoughts.
Move your body and sweat a little, but don’t do a crushing, punishing cardio
workout. Save your effort for the strength workouts.
Useful things you can do on your walks:
Practice mindfulness by noticing what you see, hear, and smell;
Let your mind wander;
Reflect on your values;
Think through If/Then planning for your skill practice;
Listen to a podcast;
Relax and de-stress.
Walking has been shown to reduce cravings for sweets and chocolate. One
study looking at 47 people who were overweight and self-described sugary
snack eaters found that a 15-minute walk reduced their stress response and had a
significant impact on chocolate consumption.197
If you are already fit, these walks could become jogs or bike rides or time on a
rowing machine or elliptical. You can do moderate intensity of whatever you
enjoy. The point is, these workouts are more about chilling out than they are
about crushing it.
Moderate cardiovascular exercise like brisk walking or easy jogging has been
shown to short-circuit the chronic stress response and re-set the HPA axis.198,199 If
you do easy-to-moderate cardio on your off days, the reduced stress and
subsequently reduced snack intake might be the most important aspect of
working out for leanness.
The other option for adding a fourth workout is to add a strength-conditioning
day. Sometimes people call these met-cons—metabolic conditioning…but
whatever. It’s basically interval training. It could look like battling ropes, rowing
intervals, bear crawls, kettlebell swings, sled pushing, maybe some higher rep
TRX strength moves—that kind of stuff.
If that’s your jam, go ahead and throw in a day like that. Just keep it to about
30 minutes and go have fun.
This would now look like:
Strength training three days per week
Strength-conditioning one day per week
Lots of people really like how this feels. If you totally love doing it, do it. It
can be fun to push yourself in an endurance kind of way. Keep it short, rock out,
and have fun.
Can you add more conditioning days or high intensity interval training?
Maybe.
If your life is super low stress, you might be able to crush it six days per week
and still get stronger. Everyone has had a time in life when everything is going
their way and they have tons of free time and you really can kill it six days per
week. For me, it was a few years in my 20s.
However, if you’re partner at a law firm, have a high-stress job and can’t seem
to de-stress at night without using food or alcohol, you might get more from
going for a walk and letting your mind wander for a half-hour.
That half-hour of no deadlines or stimulus or anything to do, with no email or
text messages might be what you really need to handle to hit your weight-loss
goals—walking to relax instead of using food or alcohol.
If the goal is to get strong, save your energy, focus, and recovery for the
strength workouts. Keep the main goal the main goal.
One benefit of doing chill cardio is it doesn’t compete with the strength work.
WEEKLY WORKOUT OPTIONS
MAIN LEAN AND STRONG PROGRAM
WALKING
HARD
STRENGTH
OR
CONDITIONING/INTERVAL
TRAINING
MODERATE
TRAINING
CARDIO
Three days per
week
None
Whenever you
have time
or need stress
relief
ALTERNATE LEAN AND STRONG PROGRAMS
HARD
CONDITIONING/INTERVAL
WALKING
OR
STRENGTH
TRAINING
TRAINING
MODERATE
CARDIO
Two days per week Two days per week
Whenever you
have time
or need stress
relief
Two days per week One day per week
Whenever you
have time
or need stress
relief
Two days per week None
Whenever you
have time
or need stress
relief
EXAMPLE OF CONDITIONING WORKOUTS
EXAMPLE CONDITIONING DAY A
DURATION
MOVEMENT
INTERVAL
5–10 minutes
Bear crawl
Original Strength style
30 seconds work
30 seconds rest
5–10 minutes
Battling ropes
15–30 seconds work
30–45 seconds rest
Sled push
Up and back
as many times
in 5–10 minutes
5–10 minutes
EXAMPLE CONDITIONING DAY B
DURATION
MOVEMENT
INTERVAL
4, 6, 8, or 10 minutes
One-arm
kettlebell swings
30 seconds work
30 seconds rest
5–10 minutes
Bear crawl
Original Strength style
30 seconds work
30 seconds rest
5–10 minutes
Battling ropes
15–30 seconds work
30–45 seconds rest
EXAMPLE CONDITIONING DAY C
DURATION
MOVEMENT
INTERVAL
4, 6, 8, or 10 minutes
One-arm
kettlebell swings
30 seconds work
30 seconds rest
5–10 minutes
Bear crawl
Original Strength style
30 seconds work
30 seconds rest
5–10 minutes
Assault AirBike
or Spin bike
30 seconds work
30 seconds rest
EXAMPLE CONDITIONING DAY D
DURATION
MOVEMENT
INTERVAL
4, 6, 8, or 10 minutes
One-arm
kettlebell swings
30 seconds work
30 seconds rest
5–10 minutes
Battling ropes
15–30 seconds work
30–45 seconds rest
5–10 minutes
Elliptical
30 seconds work
30 seconds rest
EXAMPLE CONDITIONING DAY E
DURATION
MOVEMENT
INTERVAL
5–10 minutes
Bear crawl
30 seconds work
30 seconds rest
5–10 minutes
Rowing Machine
30 seconds work
30 seconds rest
5–10 minutes
Battling ropes
15–30 seconds work
30–45 seconds rest
Again, this is just bonus stuff to do if you like it. Feel free to mix up the rest
intervals. If you get bored, you could try:
Harder/faster/heavier intervals at 15 seconds work with 45 seconds rest
Easier/slower/lighter intervals at 45 seconds work with 15 seconds rest
There really isn’t a lot of magic to the conditioning days. Just rock out.
The one thing you will notice about conditioning days is this: All of the
movements are self-limiting. We aren’t doing high-repetition barbell snatches,
which have a high degree of technical skill and can come apart under
pronounced fatigue. Instead, we use something like battling ropes, in which
typically under fatigue, people just stop.
Even kettlebell swings, which people sometimes totally massacre with two
hands, are pretty self-limiting with one hand. With two hands, often people’s
heads jut forward and their shoulders elevate, back arch, hips pike that come
from trying to pull the weight up with the arms—all horrible, horrible form for
kettlebell swings. Those are much rarer with one-arm swings. With one-arm
swings, unless the weight is waaay too light, you have to use your hips to do the
work.
MAKING DECISIONS FROM VALUES
Clients who put their values first in making decisions about food skill practice
and workout programs hit their goals fairly easily. Values-based practice is the
foundation of making smart decisions about fitness.
You’ll notice values show up multiple times in Lean and Strong. They show up
here in the Meta-skills; they show up in The Ten Turning Points (the paradox of
values and goals), and really extensive values reflections show up in The Wise
Five.
What you need to know right now: Goals = destination and Values = direction.
“Life is a journey, not a destination,” is about the most cliché thing you can
say, so I’m not going to say it—even though it’s true.
What I’m going to say is this: People who get the direction right and move in
that direction have no trouble hitting their goals. In weight-loss terms, people
who get their values about food right and practice appropriate skills get leaner
and stronger.
The more people obsess about their weight-loss goals, the more they do flatout dumb things. They do stupid cleanses. They try to force weight loss with
starvation. They do things that go against all their values. They essentially try to
cheat the system and cut corners; they think the rules don’t apply to them.
Another way to look at values versus goals:
Goals = specific achievements
Values = character strengths
Think about the values you want teach your kids: hard work, doing what’s
right, being reasonable, being diligent, being kind. Now, apply those to weight
loss. When people approach their food from those values, things go amazingly
well. And they go fast.
But when people obsess about weight-loss goals, they throw out everything
that works and try to cheat. They try completely silly things like cleanses and
elimination diets. Is some magic food group really the answer?
Do you remember reading the news about Enron, the energy company that
went from the darling of Wall Street to massive scandals around fraudulent
accounting? They went from making smart moves to trying to cut corners and
hide their mistakes in pursuit of their goal to keep the stock price up. As often
happens when you throw out your values in pursuit of goals, everything fell
apart.
It’s a really good metaphor for how people throw out their values when they
diet.
If your goals take you in the opposite direction of your values, you either have
the wrong goals, or you aren’t mature enough to have goals at all. Either way,
you need to work on your values, and true up your skill practice to your values.
WHY GOALS USUALLY AREN’T EFFECTIVE FOR WEIGHT
LOSS
To set a goal, you need to have two things:
1. Clearly defined milestones that occur at regular intervals;
2. A strong track record of success.
Almost everyone in weight loss fails at number two. If your weight-loss history
is mostly failure, you don’t have any business setting goals about weight loss. If
you’ve consistently failed at weight loss, setting a goal just means you’re going
to push yourself to fail faster. What you did in the past did not work. Doing more
of what doesn’t work is just failure that takes more effort. Don’t take dumb
things and do more of them.
Let’s say you set a weight-loss goal of losing 60 pounds. Then, you do
something dumb (diet). You fail a few times, and fall behind schedule. Since
you’re behind schedule on your goal, you decide to do something dumber (a
cleanse, remove an entire food group, or fast) and fail even more spectacularly.
The answer to doing dumb things isn’t to do dumb things faster. The answer is
also not to do dumber things. The answer is to do smarter things.
Smarter things always are congruent with your values.
THE COLLEGE METAPHOR
Clear Milestones plus a History of Success
Let’s say Sally is a junior in college. Sally is getting Bs in all of her classes and
is taking 12 credits per semester. Sally can easily set a goal for when she is going
to graduate. For the last two years, she’s done 12 credits per semester and has
been successful. She set a goal to graduate in three years, based on continuing at
that pace. She has a strong track record of success, so it makes sense to set a
goal.
Stephanie has been getting Ds and Fs in college for the last two years. Though
she has taken 12 units per semester, she’s only completed three to six units. She
has a track record of failure. This is where most people are in weight loss. In
weight loss, most people do more…badly. The way most people set weight-loss
goals would be like if Stephanie decided to take 30 or 40 credits per semester so
she can “catch up” or “because she’s really motivated.” Setting a goal for her is
crazy. She needs to return to basic values like consistency, reasonableness, and
patience.
In that metaphor, a values-based approach would be to work on study skills,
not take more units. In fact, taking fewer units would probably be smart. It
would be better to get six units of As than to get 12 units of Fs.
Six units of As actually moves her in the direction of her goals, where 12 units
of Fs moves her in the opposite direction. If she’s obsessed with her goal, she’ll
keep taking more and more, because she “has to hit her goal.”
Doesn’t that sound like how much people approach weight-loss goals?
THE HUMAN BODY NEVER MAKES LINEAR PROGRESS
To make it even worse, not only do most people have a track record of failure
—which would preclude us from goal setting—weight loss doesn’t have perfect
milestones. Where college can be measured in units that happen each semester
with regularity, nothing in the human body is that neat and tidy. The human body
is messy.
Everything in the human body is nonlinear. Recovery from injury isn’t linear;
people often get better for a couple weeks, then worse, then better again.
Learning isn’t linear; people practice and get better, then they practice and still
stay plateaued, and then one day it clicks.
Similarly, weight loss is rarely linear: People lose weight, then plateau, then
lose weight, then plateau. If you get freaked out by getting behind on your goals
every time you plateau, you’re guaranteed to fail.
Think back to the example of a kid learning to play a clarinet. There are long
stretches of bad notes when it looks like nothing is getting better. Then all of a
sudden, things click. These stretches of no progress followed by explosions of
progress go on for years. Over time, the trend is strongly upward.
Over weeks and months, goal orientation is really frustrating, as things might
not go forward, or might even go backward. But the value-driven approach—
knowing practice is the right direction—drives the trend line in the right
direction over time.
VALUES, MOTIVATION, AND WEIGHT LOSS RESEARCH
Longitudinal data—observing long-term results—has shown that people who
pursue actions related to their values are more likely to hit their goals, and they
derive more wellbeing from the results.200
A review and conceptual model of goal achievement, personality, and values,
looked at studies showing that 1) value-directed action increases performance, 2)
the personality trait of conscientiousness increases performance, and 3) the
combination of value-directed action and consciousness increase performance.201
Self Determination Theory, the preeminent theory of intrinsic motivation,
explains that we want to move from external motivation (reward and
punishment, guilt and contingent self-esteem) to more internal motivation (fully
integrated personal values).
Goal contents matter, goals that are external don’t always meet our basic
psychological needs, and getting those basic psychological needs met is the
foundation of motivation and wellbeing. As we move from less self-determined
(reward and punishment) to more self-determined (values), we increase
motivation, increase performance, and increase wellbeing.202
SELF DETERMINATION THEORY’S FOUR KINDS OF
MOTIVATION
MORE EXTERNAL
I work out so I
can have a
cookie
afterward
or
If I miss my
workout, no
carbohydrates
tomorrow
I work out to
meet a
societal
standard of
beauty.
or
MORE INTERNAL
I work out because I
have a goal that
aligns with my value
of strength.
It’s deeply important
to me to be strong.
Working out is an
expression of being
the kind of person I
want to be.
I work out so I
don’t feel
guilty.
A review of Self Determination Theory and health behavior looked at research
where intrinsic motivation increased goal achievement. They found intrinsic
motivation to drive results in multiple health domains, including weight loss,
smoking cessation, and health screening. Increased intrinsic motivation not only
increased goal achievement, but also increased people’s ability to maintain their
results as well. They gave the example of extrinsic motivation being losing
weight to win a prize versus intrinsic motivation of losing weight because it
matches your personal values.203
Complete behavioral weight loss studies, including values work, have been
extraordinarily successful. It should be noted that besides values work, all of
these studies included acceptance skills, defusion skills, and other specific eating
skills. They also all had a huge values component similar to the values work in
this book.204,205,206,207,208
One of these studies, “The Mind Your Health Project,” has a publically
available treatment manual, Effective Weight Loss. In Effective Weight Loss,
values are distinguished as the reason a person would engage in hard behavior
change. We’re willing to deal with the discomfort of taking these actions and
practicing skills because it’s consistent with the kind of people we want to be.209
In the textbook The Art and Science of Valuing in Psychotherapy, the authors
outline that values work helps 1) define what matters to you, 2) create meaning
and purpose, 3) have a framework for choosing goals, 4) have a reason to
experience and work through difficult thoughts and emotions, and 5) be aware of
why you’re taking certain actions, and how they relate to being the kind of
person you want to be.210
Lastly, an article, Motivating the unmotivated: how can health behavior be
changed in those unwilling to change? in the journal Frontiers in Psychology
noted “values exploration” as an effective tool for increasing intrinsic motivation
with health behaviors.211
The big takeaway is that values work is your access to getting to be the kind of
person you want to be and do the things that matter to you. It’s the context from
which you’ll overcome your hardest obstacles.
BRINGING A VALUE-BASED APPROACH TO SKILL
PRACTICE
Value-based approaches usually include values like reasonableness, kindness,
intelligence, diligence, and practice. These are things everyone knows always
lead to the best results in every area of their lives…yet almost no one thinks to
use them with their weight, food, and workouts.
VALUES REFLECTIONS
There are 12 weeks of values reflections in The Wise Five section, and many
comparisons of values versus goals. For now, we’ll just start by picking your
values from a menu.
Now, you don’t have to pick your values from the menu. You can write out
your own, and just use the menu to get some ideas. Just remember: A value is a
direction, not a destination.
Pick three values; each week you’ll spend some time with your eating skills
tracker, reflecting on how your values do or don’t match your skill practice.
Again, in The Wise Five section of the book you’ll find beginning on page
199, you’ll have eight weeks of journaling exercises to clarify your values
around food and fitness, and to connect your skill practice to those values. For
now, just identify them and put them on your eating skills tracker each week.
EXAMPLE VALUES
YOU CAN SELECT YOUR TOP ONE TO THREE
VALUES,
OR COME UP WITH YOUR OWN
Acceptance
Flexibility
Play
Adventure
Freedom
Reciprocity
Assertiveness
Friendship
Respect
Authenticity
Forgiveness
Resourcefulness
Balance
Fun
Responsibility
Beauty
Generosity
Romance
Caring
Gratitude
Safety
Challenge
Home
Self-awareness
Collaboration
Honesty
Self-care
Community
Humor
Self-discipline
Compassion
Humility
Self-expression
Connection
Industriousness
Self-respect
Contribution
Independence
Service
Cooperation
Intimacy
Skillfulness
Courage
Joy
Spirituality
Creativity
Justice
Stewardship
Curiosity
Kindness
Strength
Design
Knowledge
Supportiveness
Dignity
Leadership
Teamwork
Diversity
Learning
Tradition
Encouragement
Love
Trustworthiness
Ethics
Loyalty
Understanding
Equality
Mindfulness
Uniqueness
Excitement
Order
Usefulness
Exploration
Open-mindedness
Vision
Fairness
Optimism
Vulnerability
Faith
Patience
Wellbeing
Family
Persistence
Wholeheartedness
Fitness
Personal Development
Wisdom
BALANCED VALUES
Most people naturally tend to approach their fitness from one extreme end of
the spectrum or the other. They either set up their values as all “go, go, go,” or
they set them up as “chill, chill, chill.” Obviously, it’s more effective to pick
values that balance each other.
Examples of balanced values:
Excellence and Compassion
Passion and Mindfulness
Conscientiousness and Reasonableness
Adventure and Intelligence
Strength and Vulnerability
Powerful and Connected
Values that have that kind of balance between action and humanity work really
well in pursuit of fitness goals.
Think about movies: We love seeing vulnerable, flawed people doing amazing
things. That’s a hit for our own pursuits of goals and taking actions in line with
our values—we’re allowed to be vulnerable at the same time we’re building
strength. We’re allowed to have self-compassion at the same time we’re
pursuing excellence.
This isn’t a compromise; this is significantly more effective. People who
pursue excellence without self-compassion tend to hit the wall and break…over
and over again. They miss the times when the smarter and more effective play is
rest or self-care or acceptance. We aren’t robots; we can’t go all-out all the time.
We need to deliberately add values like self-compassion.
If you want to really go for it, you could add a third value related to
connecting with others.
Examples of those third values:
Connectedness
Family
Community
Being an example
Mentoring
Generosity
Making a difference
Charity
Contribution
A person might finish with three values like Excellence and Compassion and
Community. That’s one way to look at crafting a very cool and well-rounded life.
Whatever you select, choose what’s important to you, in your life…right now.
Choose meaningful things. Choose things that represent the kind of person you
want to be. You get to choose.
MAKING DECISIONS FROM VALUES
Once you have a sense of your values, you can integrate those into how you
make decisions with your food every week.
When you do your weekly planning and reflection session, you can reflect on
how your food skill practice did or didn’t reflect your values. Then you can
consider how you could more clearly express your values in your skill practice
the following week.
On the following page, you’ll find a simple prompt for values reflection each
week.
RATE YOUR
HOW DO YOU WANT
SKILL
TO EXPRESS THIS
PRACTICE IN
VALUE
VALUE IN YOUR
RELATIONSHIP
SKILL PRACTICE
TO THAT
NEXT WEEK?
VALUE
ONE
12345
TWO
12345
THREE
12345
First, write down three values in the first column, again remembering values
are not goals. Values are the kind of person you want to be.
In the middle column, circle how close you got to expressing that particular
value in your food skill practice the previous week. This isn’t a way to punish
yourself or compare yourself to an ideal. It’s just a way to look at your value as a
target to point toward, and see how close your skill practice was in pointing to
the target. Again, skill practice is about actions. It’s not what you thought or how
you felt; it’s what you did. Over time, we want to slowly bring your skill practice
closer in the direction of your values.
Finally, make a quick note of how you’d like to express your values in your
skill practice the following week. It’s okay if it’s the same as the previous week,
especially if the previous week went well.
VALUES FOR EATING SKILLS—VALUES FOR WORKOUT
PROGRAMS
With food, you might have a value of longevity or intelligence, and that leads
you to practice eating skills instead of doing a stupid crash diet or an idiotic
cleanse. You’re playing a longer, smarter game, and you don’t get caught up in
quick diets that are destined to fail and hurt you.
Similarly, with workouts, those same values—longevity and intelligence—
might have a similar effect. They may cause you to take it easy on a workout day
when you feel bad. You know you’re playing a long game, and it’s okay to have
an off day, to go through the motions, and not get hurt.
And, you’re fine with that because you know you have other days that feel
awesome when you can crank up the weight and rock out. Because you value
longevity and intelligence, you’re willing to listen to your body, not get hurt, and
build serious strength over time.
VALUES IN AREAS OF YOUR LIFE WHERE YOU’RE
REALLY SUCCESSFUL
Often, my clients are really successful in multiple areas of their lives—their
families, their careers, or their hobbies. They often find they’ve been successful
in those areas because they took a values-based approach. In those areas of their
lives, they never tried to cut corners.
The way people tend to approach dieting and workouts—through looking for
magic fixes and trying to find shortcuts—is generally the opposite of how they
approach everything else in their lives. It’s the opposite of what they teach their
kids. It’s the opposite of how they are at work. It’s the opposite of advice they’d
give to a friend.
The whole diet world has taught us to try to cheat the system. Marketing is
always based on magic diets and secret fixes. We’ve been sold an entire field
based on cheating, forcing an outcome, or buying magic beans. Let’s recognize
all of the fitness and diet advertising for what it is—the opposite of our personal
values.
If you start to approach eating skills like anything else you’ve ever been
successful at, you’ll do really well. If you approach mastery of your workouts
like anything else you’ve ever learned, you’ll do really well. Treat food skill
practice and workout programs like other things you’ve done well at. Make
decisions from your personal values. Use your own history of success as a
template for how to do well.
FLEXIBILITY
Rigid Diet Rules Predict Failure
We looked at The Diet Cycle of Failure in the first section “Don’t Diet.” On
pages 47, we looked at 14 different studies that outlined how rigid dietary
restraint often leads to rebound eating and weight gain, and how flexible
regulation of eating is effective for weight loss, weight maintenance, and
wellbeing. In this section, we’re going to look at ways to apply that kind of
flexibility to your skill practice.
Importantly, I want to point out that eating skills are not diet rules. When most
people start using a skill-based approach, what they’re really doing is turning the
skills into rules. They apply the same rigid perfectionist attitude, which leads to
failure and quitting.
Look, I get it—we’ve been taught the rule perspective for decades. You may
have done a half-dozen or more diets in your life. Rules are all you know. It can
be hard not to pretend these skills are rules.
So remember, rules and perfectionism are the path to quitting and failure.
Skills and practice are the path to excellence.
Flexibility is the Goal
Flexibility gets a bad rap, mostly because people don’t know how to teach it.
They go from rigid rules to free-for-all, with nothing in between.
The thing about skills is they are always flexible. Let’s take a look at a gym
example:
Skill: The Hip Hinge
The hip hinge is a skill that shows up in multiple movements: kettlebell
swings, deadlifts, Romanian deadlifts, trap bar deadlifts, single-leg deadlifts,
Cossack deadlifts, side-lunge deadlifts. It can show up when we pick up a box
when moving. It can show up when we lean in to listen to a friend tell a good
story.
One skill, many applications.
At the same time, because it’s a skill and not a rule, you aren’t forced to use it
at all times. You may find that when picking up a pencil off the floor, you don’t
need to use a perfect hip hinge. You might pick up a baby out of crib with a
rounded back. It turns out, there are just as many situations where it’s
appropriate not to use the skill as there are situations where it is.
PLAYING BASS LIKE FLEA
I have a client who’s a musician. He once told me he wants to be able to use
eating skills like Flea, the bassist of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, plays bass. Flea
clearly has the skills to hit the right notes and play a tune, but he also has the
flexibility to go off the pattern. He can solo. He can add extra notes. He can skip
notes. He flows. Part of his artistry is knowing when to play on beat and when to
play behind the beat.
Flea has flexibility. And flexibility is hard.
By hard, I mean it takes more skill practice. Often when we learn a new skill,
we learn it in one specific scenario, like putting the fork down between bites…at
lunch…at work. As we get better, we can generalize that skill to multiple
scenarios. We can put the fork down between bites at lunch at work; we can put
the fork down between bites at lunch on the weekend with our kids; we can put
the fork down between bites on date night; we can put the fork down between
bites at the backyard Bar-B-Que.
With practice, we’re able to first build the skill and then to generalize it to
different situations.
With a lot of practice, we know when we can even not pay attention to the skill
at all. It’s like Flea knowing if he hits a certain number of notes, we get the song.
Sometimes he can drop the notes, and it sounds cool and we still get it.
The height of flexibility isn’t just knowing how to use a skill in multiple
situations, but to be okay with not using the skill at times, with no fear of
“blowing it” or worrying if you’re capable. Flexibility means knowing you have
the skill, and are able to choose to use it when you want.
This hinges on your personal values. You may clarify your values, and find
you want to use skills most of the time. But there are other times when you don’t
want to use the skills, like at your grandma’s 100th birthday party with relatives
you haven’t seen in decades. You can forget about all of the skills, be with your
family, and nothing changes in your skill practice the following week.
Most people agree, the kind of people they really want to be have that
flexibility, and still eat in line with their values.
You only need to fear flexibility if you haven’t clarified your values, and have
no skills you’ve practiced. If you’ve practiced skills, you can always rely on
them.
If you’ve clarified your values and found values like family and longevity and
socializing and joy, you probably want to be able not to focus on skill practice
every minute of your life.
If you’ve clarified your values, and found values like health and fitness and
vitality and self-care, you probably want to use your skills most of the time. If
you’ve found some combination of those values, you see a healthy and complete
life includes all of those at different times, in the amount you get to determine.
People who are flexible and know their values don’t have free-for-alls very
often. That’s not Flea playing a song; that’s like smashing your bass onstage. In
reality, you want to play a million songs in your life. Some will be fast and some
will be slow and some will be more and some will be less.
Similarly, you’ll eat a million meals in your life, and some will be more and
some will be less and some will be social and some will be goal oriented, and all
of those will show up on a continuum—that’s flexibility. Make sure those
experiences of the eating skills showing up differently in different contexts fit
your values.
Rules don’t work because a chocolate chip cookie at your favorite bakery with
your friends really is different from a chocolate chip cookie when you are bored
in the middle of the afternoon. Splitting a bottle of wine on date night really is
different than having a couple of glasses of wine because you had a bad day.
Having a plate of spaghetti for dinner on your first-ever trip to Rome really is
different from having a plate of spaghetti for dinner because you don’t feel like
cooking.
The thing that’s really amazing about Flea playing bass is he’s paying attention
to the song, the other musicians, and the audience, and plays what fits the best
right then. Flexibility in eating skills more than anything is about paying
attention to the food, the situation, and the people you’re with, and applying the
skills as they make sense right then.
SAYING YES SOMETIMES AND NO OTHER TIMES
People really complicate flexibility. It’s really as simple as saying “yes”
sometimes and saying “no” other times.
The rigid diet person thinks:
I have to say ‘no’ all the time!”
Meanwhile, the stress eater thinks:
“I have to say ‘yes’ all the time!”
The answer for both is in the middle. The way to gain flexibility is simply to
practice—sometimes—the opposite of what you mostly do now.
People fail at diets over and over again because they truly believe it’s about
saying “no” all the time. Then, when they break down and say “yes” to a treat,
they have a free-for-all and eat like it’s their last-ever shot at food.
People who stress eat are equally rigid. They believe the only fix for stress or
negative emotions is to eat a treat. Because they only have one response to a
situation, they have no control.
FLIP THE SCRIPT
It should be obvious by this point that rigidness (aka failure) is a practice. On
the inverse, flexibility (aka success) is also a practice. Possible situations might
include:
THE
PERFECTIONIST/DIETER
NEEDS
TO PRACTICE SAYING
“YES”
THE STRESS
EATER/SWEET TOOTH
NEEDS TO PRACTICE
SAYING “NO”
Is it my grandma’s 100th birthday?
Maybe I should try saying “yes” to
birthday cake.
Is it the 17th office birthday cake this
month? Maybe I’ll say “no.”
Is it date night? Maybe I’ll try saying
“yes” to a glass of wine.
Am I stressed out from a long day at
work? Maybe I’ll say “no” to a glass of
wine and go for a walk instead.
I’m at my favorite bakery in the world, I walked by the break room at work and
with literally the best cake ever.
there are some crappy baked goods.
Maybe I should try saying “yes.”
Maybe I’ll say “no.”
DIETING AND THE LOSS OF CONTROL
For the chronic dieter, saying yes might be scary. You may have a feeling
you’ll lose control if you ever say yes. Keep in mind, the primary reason you lost
control in the past was because you set things up in a no-win situation. Every
time you had a treat, it meant total failure…so you went all-in. After all, it would
be the last time, and you’d never have that treat again.
Doesn’t it sound a little silly?
If you can say yes to a treat when you really want it, it takes away that horrible,
constantly building fear of missing out. You can evaluate when it really matters
and you really want it—like when it’s date night—versus when you don’t really
care.
The hard work is in thinking things through.
Hint: Don’t think about if it’s “worth it;” think about if it fits your values. Look
at your personal values.
When people tell me they skipped the birthday cake at their grandma’s
birthday, I know that’s a choice that doesn’t fit anyone’s values. That’s such
terribly sad diet rule-making, and has nothing to do with the kind of person
anyone really wants to be.
THE STRESS EATER OR SEE-FOOD EATER HAS TO EAT
For the stress eater, saying yes is the only way to fix feeling bad. Or, seeing a
food you like means you have to eat it. The practice to fix this revolves around
noticing you’re using food to fix non-food problems. You’ve practiced using
food as the only solution for so long, you can’t imagine there’s anything else.
Turning it all around is mostly a matter of practicing trying other things. You’ll
start distinguishing cravings and stress from hunger. It requires eating a real
meal when you’re really hungry. Another part of turning it around is adding
coping skills and real-life treats. Sometimes, it might be just as simple as going
for a walk when you’re sad.
Fixing this is a matter of practicing saying no to food sometimes and saying
yes to something else, be that self-care or acceptance. For more on acceptance,
see The Wise Five section, pages 199–244.
RIGID EXTREMES VERSUS FLEXIBLE CHOICES
The least successful people in weight control tend to only make choices from
rigid extremes. They pretend there are always only two options: the absolute
most diet-y choice there is or just have whatever they want.
For example, people tend to act like they can have full-sugar soda or water,
with no choices in between.
WHAT TO DRINK
RIGID
Full sugar
soda
Pretends there is nothing in between
FLEXIBLE
Full sugar
soda
Diet
soda
Flavored
carbonated
water
Water
Unsweetened
Water
tea
The most successful people know any choice in the middle is better for their
goals than full-sugar soda.
Sometimes they might still have full-sugar soda. Other times they might have
diet soda. Sometimes they’ll have tea. They have options. On balance, all of
their middle options add up to better results than of the people who took an allor-nothing approach.
EATING OUT
RIGID
Burrito with
rice, beans,
cheese,
tortilla,
guacamole,
sour cream
FLEXIBLE
Burrito with
chicken, rice,
beans,
cheese,a
tortilla,
guacamole,
sour cream,
and salsa
(no
vegetables)
Pretends there is
nothing in between
Burrito with
chicken,
rice, beans,
cheese, a
tortilla,
guacamole,
and salsa
(no
vegetables)
Bowl with
chicken,
fajita
veggies,
rice,
beans,
cheese,
and salsa
Bowl
with
chicken,
lettuce,
and rice
Bowl with
Bowl
chicken,
with
fajita
chicken,
veggies, lettuce,
lettuce, and rice
rice, and
salsa
It works the same with eating out. Some of my most successful clients eat at
fast-casual restaurants all the time. They know that wherever they go, there’s
always a continuum of options. They can sort out a healthy meal by what they
choose.
They know anything in the middle has fewer calories, and can still be a filling
and healthy meal they enjoy. They can always have one portion of
carbohydrates, instead of the three that’s normally served. They can always add
vegetables. If it’s a place that normally serves five servings of guacamole, they
might skip the guacamole.
Over time, those middle options add up to better results. The people who take a
black-or-white approach almost always fail in the end.
DIET SODA WILL NOT KILL YOU
A guy is 40 pounds overweight and drinks two or three full sugar sodas every
day.
I say, “How about switching to diet soda? You could probably lose ten pounds
just doing that.”
He says, “No way; diet soda will kill you!”
That kind of black-and-white thinking is crazy. Of course, water is better than
diet soda. But also, of course, diet soda is better than full-sugar soda. I’ve seen
clients lose 15 pounds just switching from full-sugar soda to diet options. It’s a
better step along a continuum.
The more you can think in the world of continuums, the better you’ll do.
I love that in Original Strength, Tim Anderson talks about “good, better, best.”
For most of us, doing something “good,” is, well, good. We get so caught up in
doing what’s “best” that we miss out on opportunities to take useful, effective,
and meaningful steps. Spend some time starting with good, and work your way
up to better.
Don’t get caught up on the idea that pure water would be best if you aren’t
ready to switch from full-sugar soda to water. Instead, take a step to good…
maybe diet soda. Maybe better might be that fancy new flavored carbonated
water. Or maybe better is lemon water or unsweetened tea.
Rigidness is thinking it’s the best or nothing, which is pretty silly. Try to avoid
rigid rules about what you “have to do.” All of the perfectionism, the rigidness,
the rules, the adherence to “best or nothing” are just excuses not to do the real
work—doing a little better.
THINKING IS REQUIRED IN SAYING YES OR NO
It takes effort and thought to consider your values and make a decision about
what actions fit the kind of person you want to be.
Only robots say no to dessert all the time. That’s NOT the kind of person you
or I want to be. I want to be the kind of person who says no when something
sucks, and says yes when it’s awesome.
You might want to say yes to a glass or two of wine on date night. You might
want to say no to a glass of wine every night while you’re making dinner. Or
maybe you want to flip that. The cool thing is, you get to say.
The big thing with doing the thinking: Give yourself time to think. Wait for a
couple minutes and actually think things over. Most people fail in these choices
simply because they don’t slow down and give themselves time to think.
YOU GET TO SAY
You get to pick and clarify your own values. You get to use your values to
figure out what kind of person you want to be. You get to sort out what balance
of “yeses” and “nos” fit the kind of person you want to be.
You get to say. Not me. Not the diet police. Not your parents. Not your spouse.
Not your friend who’s always failing at diets. Not your friend who’s a personal
trainer who has never struggled with food. Not the people in a magazine or on
TV.
You get to decide what your values are.
Flexibility is simply practicing your values.
And the practice based on your values looks like figuring out when it fits to say
yes and when it fits to say no. That practice looks like trying out saying no to see
how it goes, then figuring out if you would do things the same or differently in
the future.
Most people do well by starting with saying yes half the time and saying no
half the time.
For the people who always say no, this gives them a lot of practice saying yes.
For the people who always say yes, that’s a lot of practice saying no.
Start with 50/50. Pay attention to how you evaluate situations and if you
consider all of your personal values. Over time, you can change the ratio. But
start with 50/50.
FLEXIBILITY AND WORKOUTS
Workouts are a little simpler. We’re actually confronted with significantly
fewer decisions in our workouts. We don’t have people coming up to us during
our workouts and offering us other workouts. We don’t have to make workout
decisions multiple times per day. Workouts are simpler.
But workout decisions still require flexibility.
FLEXIBILITY AND NOT GETTING HURT IN WORKOUTS
Usually when someone gets hurt in the gym, it’s simply a lack of flexibility,
but not physical flexibility such as tight hamstrings. Here we’re talking about
psychological flexibility—being able to adapt.
I’ve known trainees who’ve gone into the gym, knew their backs hurt that day
and deadlifted anyway because it was in the program. They ended up hurting
their backs more and having to take a couple weeks off or even to see a physical
therapist. This kind of inflexibility always ends badly.
If your back hurts, flexibility might look like skipping deadlifts or switching
from barbell deadlifts to single-leg or staggered-stance deadlifts if those feel
good that day. It could be doing glute bridges instead. Flexibility is realizing
there are multiple options for working around those little tweaks when you woke
up feeling bad.
Flexibility with exercise includes knowing, even if a movement doesn’t feel
good one day, you can modify or work around it. That same movement might
feel great the following week.
FLEXIBILITY AND YOUR SCHEDULE AND STRESS
It’s cool to be real about your schedule and stress levels, and actually do fewer
or shorter workouts. That’s part of why we have three levels of volume.
Regardless of the program you’re on, it’s okay to dial things back when you’re
getting crushed with work or family stuff.
Getting in part of a workout is always better than doing none. Some people fail
because they adhere to a rigid standard of what a workout has to look like or feel
like. They think it has to be the full workout as written or it isn’t worth going to
the gym at all. That’s silly.
RIGID
WORKOUT
BELIEFS
FLEXIBLE, SELF-AWARE
WORKOUT BELIEFS
My workout has to be at
least an hour,
or it’s not worth doing.
Any amount I can get of my workout is cool. If I
can only get 15 minutes today, that’s much better
than none.
I have to work out three
times per week,
or there’s no point.
If my schedule is tough right now, it’s better to get
one or two workouts per week than none.
With young kids, I never
have time to get a full
Having young kids is tough. If I can get in a set or
workout. If I can’t do it all, it two of an exercise whenever I can, I know it all
just doesn’t feel like a real adds up.
workout.
I know I’m sick, but I have
to get my workout,
or I’m off schedule.
I really need to focus on getting better and taking
care of myself. My workout program will be there
when I’m not sick.
My shoulder hurts, but I
really want to hit this
pressing goal, so I’m going
to work out anyway.
I know if my goal really matters to me, I need to
take care of my body. Today, I’m going to skip
pressing and just do everything else. If it doesn’t
feel better by next week, I’ll go see a physical
therapist.
FLEXIBILITY AND GRIT
Sometimes this comes down to doing what you said you would do, even if it
doesn’t sound fun. It can mean finishing the program you’re on, even when
you’re bored with it, or doing the sets in the program because it’s in the program.
If this seems like it’s in contrast to the previous section, it isn’t. Flexibility and
not getting hurt means listening to your body, noticing when you’re truly
exhausted or when something hurts in a joint.
The flip side is having thoughts about not wanting to finish the program, or
wanting to do different things, or feeling like things are not working, or whatever
judgments you have in the moment. One is about listening to your body. If your
body hurts, listen to it…trust it, stop. Change the exercises or call it done for the
day. Listen to your body.
The other is about not taking every thought so seriously. Do the program as it’s
written because that’s the program, not letting your feelings and thoughts make
your choices for you—fickle as they are, like the weather.
“Grit” is doing something even after the excitement that started you on the
program has run out.
I want you to listen to your body tell you how it’s doing. Do the warmup and
one set of each of the exercises and see how it feels. Do you feel weak or strong
today? Are you moving well? Do you feel extra tight or loose in the mobility
section?
Listen to your body.
If your body feels awesome, trust it. Rock out on your program that day.
If your body feels terrible, trust it. Chill back on the weight or the
number of sets in your program.
Where grit comes in is in accepting it’s normal not to want to do everything all
the time, and doing what’s called for anyway. I want you to expect your mind to
give you thoughts that are sometimes helpful and sometimes totally unhelpful…
and doing what matters to you regardless of your thoughts.
If you have thoughts telling you to follow the program, and do the work,
cool. Follow the program, and do the work.
If you have thoughts telling you not to follow a program, sometimes
that’s to be expected. Acknowledge it’s normal to have those thoughts.
Follow the program, and do the work anyway.
People make the mistake of flipping this: When they feel motivated, they
ignore their bodies and work out. But when they don’t feel motivated, they listen
to their thoughts and skip the training.
Flexibility is about listening to your body and adjusting your workouts
accordingly.
Grit is about knowing it’s normal not to feel motivated or want to do the
work all the time, and doing the work anyway.
One is physical and the other is mental.
Flexibility means paying attention to your body and what it needs. An
example might be doing one set of everything and seeing how it feels—
including being willing to call it right there and go home if you feel terrible.
When you have grit, you’ll take action regardless of whether or not you feel
motivated. Grit is going to the gym even when you don’t feel like it, so you can
do that one set of everything to check in and see how you feel. You’ll find that
the days when you do or don’t feel motivated often don’t correlate with the days
you feel strong after getting to the gym and doing a couple sets.
FLEXIBILITY WITHIN STRUCTURE
Flexibility is inherent within the skills of the program. You have options about
how many skills to practice, which skills to practice, and how often.
But flexibility does not mean “do whatever you want.” People often assume if
they aren’t dieting, there are no guidelines and nothing to track, and they’ll just
see what happens. This is chaos. If it works, it works by accident and not by
design. If getting lean and strong just worked for you by accident, it’s likely you
wouldn’t be reading this book.
That’s why we have a program structure. You’re setting up the boundaries of
the game in such a way that they move you toward your goals and what matters
to you. Within those boundaries, you have flexibility.
On vacation, you might only practice the skill of putting the fork down
between bites. When you get home, you might work on four skills.
That’s flexibility.
When life is really stressful (see “green light, yellow light, and red light”
life stress on page 235), you might only practice one or two skills. When
things are going really well, you might practice four or five skills. That’s
flexibility.
When things are stressful, you might use more guidelines. When things
are chill, you could use more listen-to-your-body skills. That’s
flexibility.
In all of those cases, you have a ton of flexibility to make the program work
with the normal ebbs and flows of life. But you still have enough structure that
you’ll make progress. You still have a plan—you’re still working a plan.
RIGID VERSUS FLEXIBLE WORKOUT THOUGHTS
RIGID
WORKOUT
BELIEFS
FLEXIBLE, SELF-AWARE
WORKOUT BELIEFS
If my form isn’t perfect, The best way to get better is to practice. If something
there’s no point in doing feels awkward and weird now, I can practice more,
it.
read more about it, and get better over time.
I really want to hit this
deadlift goal. I have to
deadlift heavy this
session, even though I
slept poorly, and my
back hurts today.
I really want to hit this deadlift goal so I’m going to
make sure not to hurt myself. Today my back hurts so
I’ll try staggered-stance deadlifts, or maybe single-leg
hip thrusts. I’ll do whatever feels good. I know next
week I’ll probably feel fine again and deadlift heavy
then.
Only circuit training
“feels” like working out
I know this is a strength program, and I’ll get stronger
so I’m going to change
following the program.
the program and do all
of the sets back to back.
I’m bored with this
program. I’m going to
change some of the
exercises so it’s more
fun.
It’s normal to get bored sometimes, but I’m going to
follow the program. It changes every four weeks
anyway.
I wasn’t sore after the
last workout so I’m
going to change
everything.
Soreness isn’t a gauge of progress. I know I’ll be sore
sometimes and not others. Any time I’m not sure if
the workout is hard enough, I’ll re-evaluate and see if
I’m lifting enough weight in each exercise.
You’ll see that rigid thoughts can come up around both ignoring your body and
thoughts about not following a program. It’s normal to have those thoughts; most
people have rigid responses to those thoughts. Notice when you’re having rigid
thoughts, but take action that’s flexible anyway.
META-SKILLS RECAP
The three Meta-skills are about how to be successful at the eating skills and
workout programs.
META-SKILLS
IF/THEN PLANNING
VALUES
FLEXIBILITY
If/Then planning is the most effective way to change behavior.
Your values are why you change behavior.
Flexibility is the key that makes all of this work in real life.
You now have three of the pieces of the Lean and Strong system: You know
what not to do; you know what to do, and you know how to make that happen.
In the next two sections, we’re going to go deeper into the psychology required
to be lean and strong for life.
CHAPTER SIX
THE TEN TURNING POINTS
Don’t Diet
The first step is to stop doing things that don’t work
Eating Skills and Workout Skills
What skills to practice to get lean and strong
Meta-skills
How to practice the skills so your practice is successful each week
The Ten Turning Points
How to think about your skills practice so you don’t sabotage your results
every eight weeks
The Wise Five
Understanding intrinsic motivation and how it works
We’ve discussed the small picture (skills) and the medium picture (Metaskills). Now it’s time to get big picture into mindset.
THE TEN TURNING POINTS
My most successful clients figure out The Ten Turning Points after about a
year of practicing the skills. When they discover these turning points, nothing is
ever the same for them. They reach a new level of food skill and strength
practices.
Each of these turning points is a complete shift in context. You could call it a
paradigm shift. You could call it a change of mindset. These are the things
people understand that help them lose weight faster, and never regain it.
For lifetime results, these turning points are mandatory.
“One’s mind, once stretched by a new idea,
never regains its original dimensions.”
—Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.
From contextual behavioral science, we learn the context—the meaning and
the reason—you have when taking an action can change the quality of that
action and the amount of wellbeing you derive from it. These ten points are the
context that encompass your skill practice. While your skill practice doesn’t
change, these turning points mark a paradigm shift in how you approach your
practice.
A couple years ago, I got this genius idea (sarcasm) that if these are the turning
points everyone figures out after a year, why don’t I just tell people ahead of
time? It’s a little silly I didn’t figure it out sooner. Then, it took me a year to
catalog all of them from my client notes. After that, I began telling my clients
about them during coaching calls, and having them deliberately practice them. I
know this is a shock: People made the turning points much, much faster when
they knew about them ahead of time.
The way you’re going to approach these is to pick one each month and write it
on your tracker. Just reflect on it for ten seconds each time you fill out your skill
tracker. Think about it from time to time as you practice your skills during the
day.
That’s all—that’s all it takes.
THE TEN TURNING POINTS
1. The difference between unsustainable and unrealistic
practices versus personal failure
2. Engagement—flow—goldilocksing versus doing too
much all of the time
3. Perfectionism versus excellence and self-compassion
4. I do it because it feels good versus meeting a societal
standard
5. This is what practice looks like in real life versus an
idealized fantasy
6. Intuitive eating versus objectification
7. Feel your feelings versus fake optimism and forced
positivity
8. Weight loss comes from self-care versus punishment
9. The paradox of values versus goals
10. Leanness and strength as a part of life versus the fix for
all of my life
THE TEN TURNING POINTS
UNDERSTANDING WHAT WORKS VERSUS WHAT
CAUSES FAILURE
WHAT WORKS
WHAT FAILS
Understanding unsustainable practices
Assuming personal failure
Practicing excellence and selfcompassion
Practicing perfectionism
Engagement, flow, goldilocksing
I do it because I feel good
Too much all of the time
I do it to meet a societal standard
What practice actually looks like
Idealized fantasy of what dieting
and workouts look like
Intuitive eating
Objectification
Feel your feelings, and be a human
Good-vibes-only trap
causes emotional eating
Weight loss comes from self-care
Value based practice
Weight loss comes from punishment
Leanness and strength are
an important part of my life
Excessive focus on goal
achievement
Leanness and strength
will fix all of my problems
UNSUSTAINABLE PRACTICES VERSUS PERSONAL
FAILURE
Most people have had so many diet failures, they’ve started to think the
problem is them. They might decide they don’t have enough willpower, or they
have a broken metabolism, or any other reason to explain why they can’t be
successful at getting lean or strong.
I’m not saying there aren’t differences. There really are genetic differences,
differences in your previous relationship to food, and definitely differences in
habit and skill proficiency. These affect both getting lean and getting strong. It
isn’t that everyone is the same…but everyone can get lean and strong. If it takes
you a little longer than someone else, that’s okay as long as you’re doing the
things that are effective, and your results are moving in the right direction.
That’s the thing: Most people aren’t doing things that are effective. As we
covered in the first section, Don’t Diet, diets just don’t work for the majority of
people. They’re too much; they’re too rigid, and they’re unnecessarily strict.
They’re unsustainable for nearly everyone.
The problem is, we’ve been told over and over, if we failed at a diet, it’s a
personal failing—that it’s some sort of lack of character. That totally sucks.
The truth is, we need a better plan. We need eating skills and eating guidelines.
We need The Meta-skills to be successful at the skills. We need to know The Ten
Turning Points and we need The Wise Five. We need better than what the diet
world has given us.
Most people fail because dieting is unsustainable.
When people fail with skills, it’s usually because they turned the skills into diet
rules. They’re forgetting all the turning points and all The Meta-skills and all
The Wise Five. Then they feel like a personal failure again.
Diet thoughts include thoughts about this being a personal failing. It’s normal
to continue to have diet thoughts, especially for the first few years you practice
skills. You’ll be having thoughts about this being personal failure for years after
you’ve already gotten good at the skills, and hit all your goals. These diet
thoughts fade very slowly.
When you have thoughts about weight being a personal failure, notice those as
diet thoughts. Go back to your Meta-skills, especially If/Then planning and
flexibility. Take a look at which turning points you’re ignoring, particularly
goldilocksing.
It’s never a failure of who you are. It’s always a failure of your plan. So…
adjust your plan.
Stop trying to turn the skills into diet rules. Stop trying to turn the skills into
diet rules. Stop trying to turn the skills into diet rules.
I know I’m beating a dead horse, but it happens with every client…every time.
The first three months are always spent practicing skills, doing well, then turning
the skills into diet rules and hitting a wall. When people hit a wall, they feel like
a failure.
Look, always remember section one, Don’t Diet. When you feel like a failure,
it’s usually that you’re trying to diet again. It’s not that you’re a failure; it’s that
dieting is unsustainable for most people. When you make mistakes, that’s okay;
learn from them and plan.
Do things that are sustainable, like Skills, Meta-skills, The Ten Turning Points,
and The Wise Five.
PRACTICING PERFECTIONISM VERSUS PRACTICING
EXCELLENCE AND SELF-COMPASSION
Sarah Campbell, one of the most amazing eating skills coaches I know, puts it
best:
“Part of perfectionism is about unrealistic self-expectations.
This produces self-generated internal pressure.
What happens when something is squeezed too much?
It is immobilized.
This is how perfectionism leads to feeling stuck.”
Perfectionism is fantasizing that we’re perfect robots. When we can’t measure
up to robot perfection, we quit. There’s a deep unwillingness to do work in spite
of our own humanity and imperfections.
If you practice perfectionism, you’re setting yourself up for failure. On some
level, you already know that. You can look back at every time you’ve ever said,
“I blew my diet,” and know that was the point you decided to just eat whatever
you wanted. But that’s not what we tell ourselves about perfectionism.
There’s an interesting lie about perfectionism—that it’s about having a high
standard. Unfortunately, nothing could be further from the truth.
1. Perfectionism is about fear of failure. In research, perfectionism is
defined by people quitting something when it’s hard. Perfectionism in
nutrition simply means “I quit my diet a lot.” People who practice
perfectionism are practicing quitting when they hit an obstacle or when
they make a mistake. Perfectionism is the actual practice of quitting.
212,213
2. Pursuit of excellence is about wanting to increase skills. Pursuit of
excellence is defined by how much someone practices. It simply means
“I get in lots of food skill practice.” When people practicing excellence
make a mistake, they know making mistakes is part of the process of
learning. They just practice again at the next meal. The pursuit of
excellence is a philosophy of repeated practice.
RESEARCH ON PERFECTIONISM
A meta-analysis looked at 57 studies on perfectionism in multiple domains,
including work, school, and sport. Perfectionism was found to be strongly
related to burnout, whereas the pursuit of excellence was related to lower risk of
burnout. Perfectionism led to burnout, as noted by emotional exhaustion,
disconnection, and eventually a reduction in skill level.214
Multiple studies have found that perfectionism is a driver of binge eating and
that perfectionism predicts four different binge triggers.215
It’s also been found that a continuum of perfectionism predicts a continuum of
disordered eating from normal to disordered eating symptoms, to a full-blown
eating disorder. Essentially, the greater the perfectionism, the worse the
disordered eating symptoms.216 It’s even been found that perfectionism is a
predictor of disordered eating in athletes.217
A review, Disordered Eating in Women: Implications for the Obesity
Pandemic, cited the “Perfectionism Model of Binge Eating.” The model is fairly
large and complex, with multiple factors, but the most simplified version is this:
Perfectionism predicts body dissatisfaction, and body dissatisfaction predicts
binge eating.218
One really interesting study looked at binge eating, perfectionism, and basic
psychological needs. You might not be familiar with the term “psychological
needs,” but you will be after reading the last section of this book, The Wise Five.
Researchers found, first, binge eating was predicted by not having psychological
needs met—and they looked at the first three needs of The Wise Five. Then, they
found perfectionism predicted binge eating, which we already know. They found
the two were related—perfectionism actually thwarts people’s ability to get their
basic psychological needs met. It fits all of the other perfectionism research that
perfectionism lowers wellbeing, but this was particularly cool because it studied
the three psychological needs we’ll look at later in the book.219
The big takeaway is perfectionism with food and body is related to both
restrictive dieting, followed by snapping and over-eating (the Diet Cycle of
Failure). Also, when people were perfectionists about their bodies, they’d eat to
cope with the dissatisfaction. Either way, perfectionism is bad for getting lean
and strong.
Perfectionism Research Covered Earlier in Lean and Strong
All of the research in the first section of the book (page 23) on perfectionism
and how it’s related to worse performance and worse wellbeing still applies.
Perfectionism does not mean pursuing excellence—it’s more like avoiding
shame and guilt.
Also, all of the research presented in the “Don’t Diet” section of the book on
black-and-white food rules and how they’re the number one psychological
predictor of weight-loss failure apply to food perfectionism. Essentially, having
to maintain perfect diet rules is an extremely robust predictor of failure.
The big takeaway on all of the previous research is, if you relate to your food
in perfectionist ways—labeling some good and some bad and rigidly adhering to
only eating what’s good—you’re going to snap and overeat. On top of that, your
relationship to your body and your wellbeing will go down after every cycle of
restricting and failing.
PERFECTIONISM AS A PRACTICE
No one is born a perfectionist. Perfectionism is a practice. The more you
practice perfectionism in food, the more practice you get quitting a diet.
Remember: “Perfectionism” is just practicing quitting a lot.
If you’ve been a perfectionist in the past, don’t worry—you can practice
something new!
Practicing excellence is simply a matter of practicing your eating skills. When
you mess up—and everyone messes up—just practice again at the next meal.
When you hit an obstacle, you can strategize how to overcome that same
obstacle in the future. Then, you can practice that strategy. When your life
situation gets stressful, you can step back your practice because you know that
any practice is more effective than no practice.
The pursuit of excellence is just practicing your eating skills. Regardless of
what comes up, just practice at your next meal.
IT’S NOT THE “GOOD” WEEKS THAT PREDICT SUCCESS;
IT’S THE “BAD” WEEKS
Success isn’t about how “perfect” the good weeks are. Trying to have perfect
weeks is a complete waste of your time. I hate to break it to you—you’re a
human. Humans aren’t perfect—none of us.
The game worth playing—the game that will make the biggest difference in
your results—is how good the “bad” weeks are. You want to look at how much
practice you get after you mess up. What’s important is how much practice you
get at starting back on your skills the next meal, no matter what happened at the
previous meal.
The person who has perfect weeks always has complete quitting weeks.
The person who continues to practice during the tough weeks is the person
who never has to worry about gaining weight ever again. This is the person who
gets better faster. This is the person who is in pursuit of excellence.
PURSUIT OF EXCELLENCE
The pursuit of excellence is simply practicing and studying. Someone who
pursues excellence knows anything worth doing is going to include messing up.
That’s how practice works.
When people practicing perfectionism make a mistake, they quit. They fail.
When people practicing excellence make a mistake, they keep practicing. They
reread parts of this book. They do a new If/Then plan to sort out how they can
improve their practice in the future.
Excellence is about practice. Excellence requires making mistakes. Excellence
is about learning from mistakes and practicing again.
Practicing perfectionism is a three-step process:
1. Practice
2. Make a mistake
3. Quit, fail
Practicing excellence is at least a seven-step process:
1. Practice
2. Make a mistake and learn
3. Practice
4. Make a mistake and learn
5. Practice
6. Make a mistake and learn
7. Become excellent at that skill!
Excellence comes from making mistakes and learning. Learning research
shows very clearly that people learn the best from repeated practice where
they’re allowed to make mistakes and learn from them.
PERFECTIONISM VERSUS SELF-COMPASSION
It turns out, self-compassion is the primary difference between perfectionism
and pursuit of excellence.220 Self-compassion is a healthy way of relating to
ourselves and can be cultivated with practice.221
People are often afraid self-compassion will lead to not taking action, but this
isn’t the case. Instead, the self-care involved in self-compassion can drive us to
practice our eating skills and workouts.
Self-compassion allows us to be human, without beating ourselves up about it.
We allow ourselves to make mistakes without excessively dwelling on them. In
practice, self-compassion means having all of these things show up, feeling the
feelings that come with them, and then moving on.
SELF-COMPASSION
LACK OF SELFCOMPASSION
Allowing ourselves to make mistakes,
and moving on
Dwelling on or beating ourselves up
about mistakes, stopping the action
Allowing ourselves to be human,
and practicing anyway
Intense pressure to be a perfect robot
that stops us from taking action
Allowing ourselves to have feelings
like sadness, frustration, and guilt that
come and go in their own time, and
practicing anyway
Suppressing feelings like sadness,
frustration, and guilt because robots
don’t have feelings, then exploding,
and eating our feelings
Perfectionism is an unwillingness to do work when confronted with our own
humanity, abdicating responsibility every time we see evidence of being human.
Self-compassion is acknowledging it’s normal to make mistakes. It’s normal to
have all kinds of emotions, like happiness and sadness. It’s normal to have
cravings. It’s normal to make mistakes. It’s normal to feel guilty about making
mistakes.
When we have self-compassion, we notice all of our judgments about
ourselves are just thoughts. We’ve had judgmental thoughts—maybe for decades
—and we know it’s a habit. We don’t need to debate them; we don’t need to
figure out if they’re true or false; we don’t need to fight or change them; we
don’t need repeat them over and over and beat ourselves up. We can notice that
these are just thoughts, and forgive ourselves when they show up.
The game we are playing is continuing to practice our food skills and
workouts, simply because they’re self-care.
Remind yourself that no matter how together everyone else looks on the
outside, everyone has human issues. People have different easy and hard things
in their lives, but everyone has hard things. Everyone makes mistakes. We’re all
human.
There are three ways to approach self-compassion:
1. My thoughts are just passing events (defusion, described on page 91).
2. I can respond to those thoughts with kindness.
3. Imperfection and mistakes are a normal part of everyone’s lives.222
SELFCOMPASSION
PERFECTIONISM
My thoughts are just
passing events.
I can respond to my
thoughts with kindness.
My thoughts are always true.
I must beat myself up about my thoughts.
Making mistakes is normal
Making mistakes means I suck at this. I’m terrible.
and human.
Everyone else has it all together.
Everyone makes
mistakes.
IT’S OKAY TO HAVE PERFECTIONIST THOUGHTS
We live in a world that gives us consistent perfectionist messages about diet.
The entire diet world is about perfection. That’s why it always fails.
Here’s where you need to make an important distinction: Just because you
have perfectionist thoughts doesn’t mean you need to act on them. You don’t
need to quit and fail because you had a perfectionist thought.
Thoughts and actions are completely unrelated:
You can have a perfectionist thought and quit.
You have a perfectionist thought, but practice excellence in spite of it.
The path to failure is having a perfectionist thought and then practicing
quitting. It’s not the thought that’s the problem; it’s taking actions like
restricting, then taking actions like quitting.
The path to excellence is having a perfectionist thought, and then practicing
your skills anyway. It’s messing up and not being perfect, and simply returning
to your practice. You can keep practicing excellence even when you have
perfectionist thoughts.
This probably flies in the face of everything you’ve ever heard. Your favorite
diet guru probably preaches that you need to “change your thoughts!” I’m here
to tell you that you don’t need to change your thoughts. In our diet-obsessed
world, it’s weird not to have perfectionist thoughts, so don’t be surprised if you
keep having them.
If you’ve practiced perfectionism for years or decades, you’re going to keep
having perfectionist thoughts for a few years.
The goal is to practice excellence—to keep practicing your skills even after
mistakes, even when you have perfectionist thoughts.
PERFECTIONISM IN WORKOUTS
In workouts, perfectionism usually shows up like this: “I didn’t have time to do
a full workout, so I didn’t do anything.”
Each workout does not have to be a perfect masterpiece. Life doesn’t always
allow for the full workouts we plan—sometimes we get off work late; sometimes
kids have a surprise project they need help with; sometimes there’s an important
errand we have to run. That’s life. We don’t always have time to do everything
exactly the way we plan.
Doing one set of everything is fine. If you have time to go to the gym, do one
set of everything and go home. That’s the pursuit of excellence. Most of the
time, do the whole workout, but sometimes just get in whatever you can.
Doing a modified version of the workout at home is fine. If you have home
gym equipment, but you prefer to work out at a gym, that’s good too. You can do
most of the workouts at the gym, but once in a while do a home workout. Get as
close as you can with the weights and the bands you have and a pullup bar. If
you have to change the rep range a bit, that’s okay. Once in a while, get in
whatever you can.
Doing one or two workouts a week is fine. I’ve seen people quit a program
because they didn’t get a third workout in a week. That’s absurd. I’ve had dozens
of clients who never worked out more than twice per week. I’ve had clients who
worked out once per week when life got stressful. Something is always better
than nothing.
Doing the workout split up over the day is fine. I’ve had many clients who
were moms with kids under four do these workouts split up over the course of a
day. Of course, you have to have kettlebells and bands and equipment at home.
It’s okay to do a couple sets literally whenever you get a spare minute. They
don’t have to be back to back and they don’t have to be in one continuous
session. You can split them up over the course of the week or over the course of
a day, however it fits into your life.
A workout doesn’t have to be perfect. You can do what you can with what
you’ve got. It all adds up. Excellence is doing what you can, whenever you can.
PRACTICE COMPARING YOUR CURRENT SELF TO SIX
MONTHS AGO
Humans usually spend too much time looking at the ideal of perfection and not
enough time looking at progress from the start. This isn’t even a glass half-full
thing; this is a “paying attention to all of reality” thing.
Regularly compare your skills practice to six months ago, a year ago, or before
you started your skills practice. Look at the real progress you’ve made—look at
the actual increase in frequency of your skill practice.
If you’ve been keeping your skill and workout trackers, you can look back and
see how far you have progressed. This is real, objective data about the progress
you’ve made, and it’s smart to reflect on it every couple weeks. It’s a good way
to remind yourself that—even though you were never perfect—you’ve been
making real, measurable progress in your eating skills and strength.
ENGAGEMENT—FLOW
Skills, Challenge, and Growth Engagement—Flow
The coolest thing about a skills-based approach is that increasing skills is
naturally engaging. Humans thrive on playing games at the edge of our skill
level.
One reason people tend to fail at diets is because the diet presents a win or lose
scenario that’s unnecessarily above their skill level. While the game itself is
above their skill level, they can hold on with hustle and sheer force of will for a
short period of time—usually 8–12 weeks. Then they crash and burn; it all feels
overwhelming, and is no longer engaging.
From game theory, we know three things:
A game that’s too easy is boring.
A game that’s too hard is crushing.
A game that’s just right is engaging.
That’s why we goldilocks our skills—so we can have just the right practice,
right at the edge of our skill level, where it’s challenging, engaging, and we learn
and grow.
The right level is somewhere around 85% success.
If you’re practicing your skills and hitting what you set out to do eight or nine
out of ten times, that’s probably perfect. If you’re getting ten out of ten every
time, it might be too easy. If you’re getting five out of ten, it’s too hard. Optimal
learning happens somewhere between eight or nine out of ten.
But that’s what’s so cool about skills. Skills are goldilocks-able!
Here are some examples:
Increasing Protein
Good: Try to have a source of protein at every meal.
Better: Have one serving of protein at every meal.
Best: Check protein guidelines for strength on page 77. Have that many
servings of protein per day.
Moderating Carbohydrates
Good: Have one source of carbohydrates per meal, instead of multiple
sources of carbohydrates.
Better: Limit to two servings of carbohydrates per meal.
Best: Limit to one serving of carbohydrates per meal.
Moderating Fat Intake
Good: Have one source of fat per meal instead of multiple sources of
fat.
Better: Limit to two tablespoons of fat per meal.
Best: Limit to one tablespoon of fat per meal.
Plating Balanced Meals
Good: Plate one balanced meal per day.
Better: Plate two balanced meals per day.
Best: Plate three balanced meals per day.
Eating a Meal Every Four to Six Hours
Good: Notice when having snacks between meals. Limit having snacks
to only 50% of the times you feel a craving for them.
Better: No snacks between meals during the hardest time of the day for
you (between breakfast and lunch, lunch and dinner, or between dinner
and going to sleep).
Best: No snacks between meals. Eat a meal every four to six hours.
Feeling True Hunger 30 minutes before eating
Good: Notice hunger before eating sometimes.
Better: Notice hunger before eating at lunch and dinner.
Best: Notice hunger and wait 30 minutes before eating, at lunch and
dinner.
Distinguish Between True Hunger versus Stress, Boredom,
Cravings, and Tiredness
Good: Use the three questions to determine if it’s hunger or not.
Better: Use the three questions to determine if it’s hunger or not. Fifty
percent of the time, if it’s not hunger, don’t eat a snack or treat. Instead,
accept it’s normal to feel that way, or put in some self-care to address
the issue.
Best: Use the three questions to determine if it’s hunger. If it’s not
hunger, either accept it as normal, or do self-care to address the issue.
Plating Balanced Meals
Good: Put the fork down between bites for a few bites, for one meal per
day.
Better: Put the fork down between bites most of the bites, one or two
meals per day.
Best: Put the fork down between bites most of the bites, two or three
meals per day.
Defusion from Unwanted Thoughts, Feelings, and Cravings
Good: Notice thoughts as thoughts and emotions as emotions.
Better: Journal about thoughts, use the feelings wheel, or use the
weather metaphor, or think about the movie Inside Out to get distance
from thoughts. Fifty percent of the time, practice your eating skills even
in the presence of thoughts.
Best: Journal about thoughts, use the feelings wheel, or use the weather
metaphor, or think about the movie Inside Out to get distance from
thoughts. Practice your eating skills even in the presence of thoughts.
Waiting Ten Minutes before Having a Snack
Good: Wait ten minutes before having a snack.
Better: Wait ten minutes, think about what you really want, and choose
to have the snack 50% of the time, and not have the snack 50% of the
time.
Best: Wait ten minutes, think about what you really want, and choose to
have the snack only when you truly feel hungry, or the snack is
awesome, and you really want it.
Those are examples of how some of the skills and guidelines can be
goldilocksed. Many people don’t initially think what falls under “good” counts
as practicing the skill, yet for many people, starting at “good” is what makes the
whole system work. Building up a solid volume of practice at “good” allows us
to progress to “better.”
Most people will find they make solid progress toward their goals at the
“good” and “better” levels. It doesn’t require being at “best” to make progress; it
just requires doing a step more than you used to do.
I definitely want to acknowledge some amazing people who had a huge impact
on how the goldilocksing section looks. First, I love how Tim Anderson and
Original Strength frame their system as good, better, and best.
Second, I love how Jennifer Campbell, Annie Brees, and Lauren Koski at
Balance 365 frame their food habits with level targets. Thinking through the
genius of both of their systems gave this section a much clearer framework for
how to present goldilocksing.
There many variations you can do with each skill. You can practice at certain
times of day. You can practice in certain situations. You can practice during one
or two meals per day. You can practice more frequently during the week and less
frequently on the weekend.
You get to set up the game—set it up so you’re successful about 85% of the
time, right at the edge of your ability level.
MOST PEOPLE DO TOO MUCH
The standard diet approach is that every meal must be perfect. This is, of
course, far beyond most people’s skill level. They struggle at a game that’s far
too hard…until they break.
It’s silly.
If you grew up playing the Nintendo Entertainment System in the late ’80s,
you remember Super Mario Brothers. You were Mario, a plumber, fighting a
turtle/dragon thing named King Koopa to save Princess Toadstool. Makes
perfect sense.
Like most video games, it starts off fairly easy and gradually increases in
difficulty at each level. People get to play through until they hit the edge of their
skill level. Playing more often, people get better and can get further and further
in the game. This is just like what we do with eating skills.
Most people don’t know there was a sequel in Japan called Super Mario 2 that
was completely different from the Super Mario 2 released in the USA (it was
released in the US a few years ago as Super Mario: The Lost Levels). It was an
expanded and much, much more difficult version of the first Mario Brothers.
You had to time jumps perfectly; there were power-ups that powered you down,
and even weather patterns that could blow you off cliffs.
It was so difficult that Nintendo of America thought it would kill their entire
market. It started off too hard, and only got harder from there. It was too much,
and it wasn’t fun because it of that. People hated it, and quit playing almost
immediately. Nintendo of America waited a couple years until a more playable
game was created, and released that as Super Mario 2. The goldilocksed Super
Mario 2 was extremely popular, and they’ve been able to make a dozen more
appropriately challenging games since.
That’s where dieting is similar: It’s too hard of a game. You’re jumping into the
hardest level right from go. In fact, you’re jumping into a game that’s harder
than you ever need to play to hit your goals. It’s needlessly, pointlessly difficult,
and we want to stop playing. Because of that, most people don’t stay engaged
long enough to develop any skills.
WHY IT’S CALLED GOLDILOCKSING
In Goldilocks and the Three Bears:
Papa Bear’s porridge was too hot;
Mama Bear’s porridge was too cold;
Baby Bear’s porridge was just right.
We want to find the porridge that’s just right.
If you’ve ever played tennis, you know it’s the most fun to play with someone
right at your skill level, where you don’t know who’s going to win and each
player has to play their best. It’s no fun if you play someone much better than
you and you get crushed. Similarly, it’s boring to crush someone much worse
than you. Tennis is the most fun when it’s goldilocksed just right.
Eating skills are like that. When you do too much, it’s demoralizing. When you
do too little, it’s boring. When you goldilocks it just beyond your comfort zone,
it’s fun and engaging.
People love to grow. People love games that are appropriately challenging. Set
up your food skill practice each week with a reasonable goal.
Sometimes that means practicing a skill one meal per day.
Sometimes that means practicing a skill two meals per day.
Sometimes that means practicing a skill three meals per day.
Sometimes that means practicing one skill at a time.
Sometimes that means practicing two or three skills at a time.
Sometimes that means practicing four skills at a time.
Set it up so it’s challenging and fun.
GOLDILOCKSING WORKOUTS
We goldilocks workouts three ways:
1. Which program we choose;
2. Which movements we choose;
3. How much weight we use.
The Program Volume
The reason the workouts have different levels of volume (low, medium, and
high) is so you can goldilocks the total amount of work. If you’re new to
working out, low is probably a good place to start. If you’ve been working out
consistently for years, high is a good program to use.
Intermediate or Advanced
If you’re new to working out, the advanced program will be needlessly
complex. It’ll be a lot to manage different weights for each exercise on different
days. On top of that, you might not be strong enough and the weights aren’t very
different between the low-rep day and the high-rep day. If you’re new, you’ll get
the best results on the beginning program.
If you’ve been working out for a while, the intermediate or advanced programs
will be better for your results. On top of that, you’ll enjoy the extra complexity
of managing different weights on different days. You should be strong enough
that the low-rep and high-rep days feel like entirely different workouts.
What Movements to Choose
If you’re brand new, we might do all double-leg exercises. Just learning the
basic movements, like squatting and deadlifting, is enough. Single-leg exercises
and the balance required for them might be too much.
After a month or two, we want to start working in some staggered-stance and
single-leg exercises. The balance challenge will be appropriate, and we can work
on things like balancing left-to-right leg strength.
Similarly, a person might have a hard time learning kettlebell swings on their
own if they’ve never done Romanian deadlifts. It might be smart to take out the
speed and timing components of the swing and work slowly on the same hiphinge pattern.
How Much Weight to Use
I’ve gotten many messages from people using inappropriate weights. On one
hand, people tell me the programs are boring or easy, so they just need to
increase the weight they’re using. On the other hand, people tell me the
workouts completely and totally destroy them; they need to decrease the
weights.
Your workouts should all be appropriately challenging. Increase or decrease
the weight accordingly.
Each exercise in each workout should feel like it’s about the same level of
difficulty as all of the others in the workout. Increase or decrease the weights as
needed.
I DO IT BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD VERSUS MEETING A
SOCIETAL STANDARD
Most people initially start practicing the eating skills and doing the workout
programs because they want to meet a societal standard of looking good.
That’s okay. It’s totally normal to want to look good. It’s normal to want to feel
good in your clothes.
The problem is when it becomes all about the status that comes from looking
good and trying to look good for other people. As we’ll cover in the last section,
The Wise Five, you’ll discover status and looking good for other people are
some of the lowest and weakest forms of motivation. It’s not that they don’t
work; it’s that they don’t work for very long.
However, if you practice your eating skills and workout programs simply
because you feel good doing them, you’ll do them forever. This is one of the
most important turning points, because it’s completely self-reinforcing.
When people start to practice their eating skills simply because they like the way
their body feels eating like that, they’ll eat like that for life.
When people practice the workouts simply because they like the way their body
feels when they work out
regularly, they’ll work out for life.
Somewhere between three and six months of practicing the skills, everyone
starts to love the way they feel. When they mess up and overeat, they don’t like
that overstuffed feeling and the sluggishness that comes with it. At this point,
they’re practicing the skills for their own sake.
This a profound shift as the practice becomes its own reward. It’s selfreinforcing.
When you do the practice because it feels good, you want to keep practicing.
When you keep practicing, you get all of the results you want.
The way to add this extra level of motivation is to start paying attention to how
you feel.
After workouts, ask yourself how your body feels. After stopping when full,
ask yourself how you feel. Pay attention to how these affect your mood and
energy level over the course of each week. Notice when they make you feel
better.
It’s totally okay to have thoughts about status and looking good. It’s sometimes
even okay to be motivated by those. Just make sure to reflect on how the eating
skills and workout programs make you feel.
THIS IS WHAT PRACTICE LOOKS LIKE IN REAL LIFE
VERSUS IDEALIZED FANTASY
Often, people assume leaning up looks like dieting. Similarly, they assume
getting stronger looks like boot camp workouts, powerlifting, or bodybuilding.
In reality, most of getting lean and strong looks like working on The Metaskills, The Ten Turning Points, and The Wise Five.
This freaks people out because they think they’re working on the wrong things.
It doesn’t look like the social media stories or the videos they’ve seen on TV.
But the tools that work for the people for whom getting lean and strong is easy
are different than what are needed for the people for whom getting lean and
strong is hard.
When leaning up is easy, dieting and counting calories really does
work. That’s nice for them, but that’s not us.
When leaning up is hard, people need the Skills, Guides, The Metaskills, and The Wise Five.
When getting strong is easy, they can do almost anything. That’s nice
for them, but that’s not us.
When getting strong is hard, people need to work on Skills, The Metaskills, Programming, and The Wise Five.
Normal Obstacle: It’s Not Exciting Anymore
It’s normal for people to stop doing the skills after two to three months. Some
people stop because they’re bored. Some people stop for no reason. Everyone
who does the skills work gets results, so it’s weird people stop while getting
results…but they do.
I’ve seen it so many times, it no longer freaks me out. So, look, when you’re
one or two months in and you stop doing the skills for a week, nothing is wrong.
There’s a really easy fix—start doing the skills again.
Not being excited about the work is okay. Practicing the skills while not being
excited is part of how this looks in real life.
Normal Obstacle: Life Stress
Everyone freaks out when they start a diet, but then something in their lives
changes. Either their work schedule ramps up or a community commitment starts
demanding more time, or there’s something they need to do for the family. Life
stress increases, and they can’t maintain their “diet.” They’re so used to diet
rules, they think if they do less than the full rules of the program, they’re “off.”
This program isn’t like that.
Just do fewer of the skills and guides. Work out less. Goldilocks things down
from “best” to “better” or “good.”
The difference between none and two workouts per week is much bigger than
the difference between two or three workouts. The difference between working
on none and two eating skills is much bigger than the difference between
working on two or eight skills.
Don’t fall into the trap of doing nothing because you can’t do everything.
The people who do something are those who are the most successful. Dial
things back. Do one or two skills, and do a couple short workouts. That’s it.
Goldilockings is what practice looks like in real life.
The trick is to always do some.
Normal Obstacle: Vacations
People also flip out about vacations. Usually, all I suggest is to eat slowly and
stop when full. Eat whatever you want. But you don’t have to eat to the point of
feeling gross. Eat the great food; eat slowly, enjoy it, stop when full.
Going on vacation and working on some but not all of the skills is okay.
Coming back and working on more is okay. That’s what practice looks like in
real life.
Normal Obstacle: I’m Not Doing Enough
We’ve been programmed to think diets are about starving and suffering and
workouts are about sweat and puke. We almost never feel like we’re doing
enough.
You might have a history of dieting such that these skills feel “too easy.” I’ve
had clients majorly disturbed because it didn’t feel like suffering. And this is
while those clients were getting results. They were losing weight and getting
stronger, but were still concerned they weren’t doing enough.
Stop romanticizing suffering. Just do the simple things that get results.
We think this work is doing heroic feats of suffering. Nothing could be further
from the truth. The work is doing the skills three months from now when it’s no
longer exciting. The work is doing it when you don’t want to. The work is
simple skill practice over time. Do what’s effective.
Having it not produce enormous amounts of suffering is okay. Just mundanely
practicing the skills and getting results is enough. That’s what this looks like in
real life.
Normal Obstacle: I’m Not Losing Weight Fast Enough
Shows like The Biggest Loser taught us we should be losing ten pounds per
week. Gym challenges tell us we should be losing two or three pounds a week.
Your friend who cut carbs lost eight pounds the first week…or whatever. We’ve
all heard these things: lots of weight loss, really fast.
And, you’ve probably done those yourself. You’ve lost weight fast, and gained
it back faster. Thus, again, we have the diet cycle of failure.
My weight-loss clients typically lose about two pounds per month. That’s a
half-pound per week, which sounds boring. No, it’s losing 26 pounds per year,
which is amazing.
They lose that half-pound per week, and they lose it for life.
They never have to worry about gaining that back. They could lose 30 pounds
in a year. And they never have to worry about that weight again.
I used to have clients lose two pounds per week and it quickly became a real
grind. It often set them up for the diet cycle of failure. Now, my clients are
stoked to lose two pounds per month, and lose those two pounds for life. They
never have to worry about those two pounds again. It’s done. It ends up being
faster in the long run. It’s like the tortoise and the hare.
While all the people in challenges sprint really fast and lose, you can do steady
food skill and workout practice, and always come out ahead. It’s always faster to
do it right and lose it once. Eating skills allow you to move forward, and get
better results every year.
It’s always slower to sprint and lose a lot, then fail and gain back more. The
diet cycle of failure puts you backward every year. It’s a fast way to fail, over
and over again.
Losing a couple pounds per month is awesome. That’s significantly faster than
everyone in the diet cycle of failure who never actually lose anything from year
to year. According to CDC data, the average American gains one or two pounds
per year.223 Being able to lose 26 pounds per year and actually keep it off puts
you ahead of everyone who’s dieting.
Losing weight slowly and keeping it off isn’t what you normally see on social
media. That’s okay. This is what it looks like in real life.
INTUITIVE EATING VERSUS OBJECTIFICATION
Objectification thwarts intuitive eating, and that’s something that shows up in
research repeatedly, but isn’t something people normally think about. Put simply,
the more people take an observer’s perspective on their bodies (and assume that
observer’s perspective equates to their self-worth), the less success they have at
noticing their own hunger and fullness cues. And, the more people accept and
have self-compassion for their bodies, the more effective they are at noticing
their hunger and fullness cues.224,225,226,227
We’re taught to identify our value with how our body looks (objectification),
and then we’re taught to ignore our body’s hunger and fullness cues so we can
change our bodies. Objectifying yourself is a huge barrier to doing the listen-toyour-body skills.
To revisit intuitive eating, intuitive eating is:
Unconditional permission to eat when hungry and what food is desired
at the moment—by not ignoring hunger signals or classifying food into
acceptable and non-acceptable categories;
Eating to satisfy physical hunger rather than to cope with emotional
fluctuations and/or distress;
Reliance on—reflecting an awareness and trust of—internal hunger and
satiety cues to determine when and how much to eat.
It should be clear that intuitive eating is similar to the listen-to-your-body
skills. Intuitive eating, as shown in the above-referenced research, is connected
to self-objectification. They’re inversely related:
When self-objectification goes up, intuitive eating goes down.
When self-objectification goes down, intuitive eating goes up.
This is the part where most trainers and fitness gurus tell you to start loving
your body more. I think that’s ridiculous. If you could flip a switch and love
your body, you’d already have done that. And, if you had already done that,
you’d likely already have a handle on intuitive eating skills and not need this
book at all.
Nope. We’re going the opposite direction. I don’t want you to love your body;
I want you to have compassion for your body. I want you to accept that our
society is constantly giving us messages that we should hate our bodies. And
because of that, I want you to accept that it’s normal not to love your body every
minute of the day. Have compassion for your body, and have compassion for
yourself for having those thoughts programmed by the diet world.
With the amount of media messages telling us our bodies aren’t good enough,
it would actually be weird for you only to have shiny happy thoughts about your
body. In our society, it’s much more normal to have thoughts about hating it.
Now, I don’t want you to hate your body either. I just want you to notice that
thoughts about body dissatisfaction are normal. You don’t have to fight them.
You don’t need to make them go away (good luck with that one!). You don’t
need to change them.
Have compassion for your body.
Accept that you’re inundated with messages from the diet world about
hating your body.
Accept that it’s normal to have thoughts emanating from the diet world.
Give yourself compassion about having those thoughts.
THESE AREN’T THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH
These ideas of body dissatisfaction aren’t true or false. They’re just thoughts.
We all have a million thoughts; some are useful and some aren’t. We can work
with the useful thoughts and can use them for planning and taking actions in line
with our values.
The thoughts that aren’t useful—those we can just let be. We don’t need to
fight or stop them or make them something else. We don’t need to feed them or
spin them over and over either. We can just let them be and go back to practicing
our skills.
It’s enough to notice these aren’t your thoughts. They’re thoughts from other
people, and they aren’t necessarily true. They for sure aren’t helpful. Notice
unhelpful thoughts as simply being unhelpful thoughts. Recognize it’s normal to
sometimes have unhelpful thoughts.
We have a million thoughts that come from diet world, completely objectifying
us. They aren’t our thoughts. They aren’t true. But, because of the world we live
in, your brain will remember those diet-world thoughts. Brains give us totally
unhelpful diet world thoughts, and it doesn’t mean anything at all. It’s more a
commentary on the books and magazines we’ve read, the things we’ve seen on
TV, and the conversations we’ve heard. The thoughts aren’t from us. They aren’t
true. They’re just thoughts. Brains are just gonna be thinkin’ thoughts.
Even when you have unhelpful thoughts, you can still take actions consistent
with your values.
VALUED ACTION VERSUS LOVING YOUR BODY
What I like about taking actions that fit your values is it’s something we can
do. There’s a contentment that comes from taking actions in line with our values.
Usually, the intuitive eating skills—the listen-to-your-body skills—match up
really well with our values. And we can practice those skills whether we like our
body today or not.
Tomorrow you may wake up and totally love your body.
1. Awesome. It’s wonderful to feel like that—enjoy that feeling.
2. Practice the eating skills because they fit your values.
The day after, you may wake up and totally hate your body.
1. Bummer. That feels bad and it really sucks to feel that way. We all feel
like that some days.
2. Have compassion for yourself for having objectifying diet-world
thoughts show up in your brain. It’s the world we live in.
3. Practice the eating skills because they fit your values.
Hating our bodies doesn’t change anything. Loving our bodies may not change
anything either. Practicing eating skills that fits our values does.
I don’t have any skills up my sleeve that are going to make you love your body
every minute of the day. But I do know practicing skills that fit your personal
values will give contentment with your life and with who you are.
The contentment that comes from taking actions in line with your values will
help you be more resilient so you can weather all of the ups and downs that
come with body image. Self-compassion is a realistic and effective way to
approach those ups and downs.
FEEL YOUR FEELINGS VERSUS FAKE OPTIMISM AND
FORCED POSITIVITY
Fitness has a weird cult of optimism and positivity.
I’ve seen personal trainers and yoga teachers and boot camp instructors and
social media celebrities all preaching things like “Be positive!” and “Good vibes
only!”
I’ve seen them completely bulldoze a client’s feelings when the client was
legitimately having a bad day. At the absolute worst, I’ve seen trainers let other
trainers get away with committing actual crimes because they “wanted to keep
things positive.”
Things aren’t always great. People have real problems. Sometimes people get
sick. Sometimes people die. Sometimes they get in car accidents. There are
things that are legitimately terrible, and we need to let people know it’s okay to
feel bad when things are completely awful.
I know people usually have good intentions when they tell people they should
be grateful, things will turn out great in the end, or they should look on the bright
side. Well, my mom always said, “The road to Hell is paved with good
intentions.” And regardless of our intentions, forcing people to try to be happy
and positive all the time is super unhealthy.
By telling them, almost explicitly, that they shouldn’t feel their feelings, people
start to think their feelings aren’t normal. They might think other people really
are happy every minute of the day.
TRYING TO BE ENDLESSLY HAPPY DRIVES EMOTIONAL
EATING
Study after study has shown that if we try to suppress negative feelings, they
rebound hard. We just end up with more of those feelings later. Let’s take a look:
You may have heard of the study where they told people, “Don’t think of a
polar bear,” and everyone, of course, thinks about a polar bear for the next five
minutes.228 More interestingly, they’ve tested the polar bear thought experiment
with emotionally upsetting thoughts and found that the more emotionally
upsetting something is, the bigger the rebound from thought suppression.229
One of the big sticking points, though, is that many people report they’re
initially successful with thought suppression. That’s the thing—it’s not that it
doesn’t work for a little while; it’s that it works, and then you have a rebound
where it’s worse than before.230 Suppressing thoughts or changing thoughts
related to cravings can also work initially, and then cause a rebound where
people eat more.231,232,233
Similarly, we find people who think they aren’t supposed to feel sad are more
likely to eat when they feel sad. They think their feelings are wrong, so they eat
to numb them.
These same people—studies have shown over and over again—will then eat
when they feel bad. Or, if they’re able to suppress feeling bad and push their
feelings away or bottle them up, they’ll rebound and emotionally eat three times
as much.
Optimism and Pessimism
New research in the world of positive psychology shows both optimism and
pessimism can lead to worse life outcomes. Optimists tend to be terrible at
planning and do stupid things…and they fail. Pessimists tend not to plan or try at
all…and they fail.
Studies have shown that people who are too optimistic engage in fewer health
behaviors,234 are less likely to get more education about health behaviors,235 and
do less exercise when faced with a health issue that would be improved by
exercise.236 We’ve also seen that unrealistic optimists consistently underestimate
the length of time or difficulty of completing tasks.237
Next, we’ll look at optimism, pessimism, and reality.
OPTIMISM PESSIMISM
OPENNESS
Everything will
go well.
Everything will
go wrong.
Sometimes things will go well. I should be
present and grateful and enjoy that.
This is not
accurate.
This is not
accurate.
Sometimes things will go wrong. I need to
be able to accept that and cope with it in a
healthy way.
I should be
happy all the
time.
I should be sad
all the time.
Sometimes I will be happy. I should be
present and grateful and enjoy that.
This is not
balanced.
Sometimes I will be sad. I need to be able to
accept that and cope with it in a healthy
way.
This is not
possible.
With eating skill practice, optimists don’t do If/Then planning very well—they
say things like, “I’ll just do better next time.” That’s not a plan; that’s a wish.
When things don’t go well and they fail, optimists get crushed. Since their
optimism is tied to forced positivity, they end up trying to deny themselves
normal human feelings of frustration. This usually leads to quitting or emotional
eating.
Pessimists just don’t ever try. Since action is the driver of results, they fail
because they never actually start.
What’s effective is simply realism:
It’s normal to be happy sometimes,
and sad other times.
It’s realistic to accept that things go well sometimes,
and go poorly other times.
If we expect to be happy sometimes and sad other times, we won’t be
completely caught off guard and emotionally eat every time we get sad. If we
expect things to go well sometimes and poorly other times, we won’t be shocked
and crushed when we run into obstacles or even bad luck.
And…we get to really enjoy it when things are going well, and really be
present and connected when we’re happy.
The people who are the most successful are those who are able to weather all
the normal human emotions. True empowerment is being able to take actions in
line with your values, even when you have unwanted emotions.
Similarly, it’s effective to expect that you won’t actually be able to control
everything. Expect things to go wrong sometimes, and you’ll be able to keep
taking actions in line with your values anyway.
When we can be open to the entire cornucopia of human experience, we’re
better able to cope with harder times, and we’re better able to enjoy the better
times. This openness to the positive and negative is considered a fundamental
aspect of mental health.238
We’re beginning to distinguish between things like positive growth versus
positive thinking—these are massively different. Ironically, acceptance,
openness, and coping strategies for both positive and negative experiences are a
part of positive mental health.239 The most effective path to positive growth is to
embrace a balanced positive and negative thinking, optimism and pessimism,
and to notice how often growth comes after hard, uncomfortable, and “negative”
circumstances and emotions.240
We’ll talk much more about this turning point in The Wise Five section on
acceptance.
WEIGHT LOSS COMES FROM SELF-CARE VERSUS
PUNISHMENT
Another persistent myth in the fitness world is that we need to “punish”
ourselves into losing weight. If we feel bad and suffer, we’re doing it right.
It’s ridiculous. Look, this is taking something that’s supposed to be good for us
and deliberately making it bad. People can only endure so much suffering.
Eventually people get sick of punishing themselves and stop.
The only thing sadder than people who give up on punishing themselves are
people who don’t. There are people who are able to endure suffering for weight
loss, sometimes for years. They derive no pleasure, no joy, and no satisfaction
from hitting their goals. At best, they might—once in a while—get temporary
relief. Constant punishment makes people exhausted and sad.
The irony is that self-care is the best thing we can do for weight loss. If we
take care of ourselves by eating well and eating the right amount, we feel good.
If we take care of ourselves by working out, we feel good.
This is a profound contextual shift:
Some people might eat less because they hate their bodies; they count
every calorie, thinking they need to punish themselves into losing
weight.
Others might eat less because they ate slowly, without distractions; they
enjoyed their food more and noticed when they were full.
Two people can have the same result of eating less and losing weight, but have
completely different experiences. One person is punishing his or herself, while
the other is trusting and taking care of his or herself.
Similarly:
Some people might do crushing workouts, always working to
exhaustion and soreness, and think they need to punish themselves to
lose weight.
Others might do hard workouts because they enjoy a challenge; they like
feeling strong, and feel like they have a better mood when they work
out.
These people are both doing hard workouts, but they have completely different
experiences. People whose context is punishment are more likely to hurt
themselves because they’re likely to ignore the body’s warning signals. They’re
likely to work out when it’s actually more appropriate to rest because they’re
afraid to stop the punishment.
The others will listen to their bodies because the whole point of a workout is
to take care of themselves. These are two different contexts for the same action.
WORKOUTS AS THE MAGIC BULLET FOR STRESS
Let’s get super nerdy for a second and talk about the stress system: the HPA
Axis.
When your body senses a threat, the hypothalamus sends a hormone to the
pituitary gland. The pituitary gland sends a hormone to the adrenal cortex. The
adrenal cortex produces adrenaline (in the short term) and cortisol (in the long
term). The system of the hypothalamus, pituitary gland, and the adrenal cortex is
called the HPA Axis.
Cortisol is the hormone you’ve probably heard of causing multiple stressrelated problems.
Exercise does this cool thing where beta-endorphins work on both the
hypothalamus and the pituitary gland. The beta-endorphins effect both levels:
Both the hypothalamus and the pituitary gland produce less of the stress-related
hormones, causing a double drop in those hormones going to the adrenal cortex.
It produces much less cortisol.
For the people whose eyes just glazed over, all you need to know is this: That’s
how the whole HPA Axis returns to normal. Exercise is sort of like a reset for the
stress response.
Now, if there are any super-mega-nerds reading this, please forgive me for how
much I simplified a very complex process. I just want to get the basic idea
across.
If we’re smart, we can use our workouts as self-care. We can use workouts to
reset our stress response. It might be one of the most important pieces of our
self-care puzzle.
IT’S NORMAL TO HAVE PUNISHMENT THOUGHTS
Like everything related to our diet culture, we’ve been given punishment
thoughts so often—and we might have practiced them for years—that we’re
likely to keep having them for a while.
Like the previous turning points, just remember it’s normal to have unhelpful
thoughts—to think you need to punish yourself. You don’t need to act on them.
You can have those punishment thoughts, but still practice self-care.
Practice trusting your body. Practice self-compassion. Practice taking care of
yourself.
Thoughts are just thoughts. You can notice you’re having the thought that you
need to do a workout to punish yourself for eating delicious food. Once you
notice the thought, you can think about where it came from (the diet world), and
you can move on. You can practice self-care in spite of unhelpful punishment
thoughts.
SELF-CARE MAKES WEIGHT LOSS EASIER
People have an easier time losing weight when they go to sleep at the right
time. That’s self-care.
People have an easier time losing weight when they practice stopping when
full—that’s self-care too.
People feel better when they eat balanced meals; that’s self-care.
People feel better when they work out—that’s self-care.
MORE ABOUT SELF-CARE
There’s much more about self-care in the skills section under the guideline of
deliberate self-care on page 70. It will clear up some misconceptions about selfcare; it’ll describe the three kinds of self-care and you can figure out where you
need more.
For now, just remember, the path to weight loss is self-care, not punishment.
When you have punishment thoughts, passively disregard them and practice self-
care anyway. When people listen to, trust, and take care of their bodies, weight
loss is a natural result.
THE PARADOX OF VALUES VERSUS GOALS
There’s a weird paradox between values and goals:
People who focus mostly on values tend to hit their goals.
People who focus exclusively on goals can sometimes sacrifice their
values, or get discouraged by the slowness of progress, and fail to hit
their goals.
I’m not anti-goal. Goals can be a fun, optional game to play if they’re based
on your values. And, they’re affective if the way you play the game comes from
your values.
Let’s take a look at what values look like—values as compared to goals.
Values are always intrinsic. They’re about being the kind of person you want
to be, what you stand for, and what matters to you.
Goals are always extrinsic; they’re about attaining something outside of
yourself. They can become destructive when they’re about symbols we think
will make us look good to others. Goals can be healthy when they represent our
core values.
We can divide each into three broad categories:
INTRINSIC META-VALUES EXTERNAL META-GOALS
Contribution to community
Money and power
Skill building and growth
Physical attractiveness
Close relationships
Status-based popularity
Essentially, intrinsic meta values are all about meaning in life, about knowing
what you stand for, and who you want to be. These are part of The Wise Five.
External meta goals are all about looking cool for other people. This is covered
in the Failure Five.
Again, there’s nothing wrong with having external goals. What’s unhealthy is
when you only have external goals with no connection to your intrinsic values.
What’s really unhealthy is when your external goals actually take you the
opposite direction from your intrinsic values.
This is a huge point in the diet and fitness world.
If people say they value strength, but keep hurting themselves doing
stupid challenge workouts because they want to look cool on social
media, their external goal is taking them away from what they value.
If people say they value health, but starve themselves on stupid crash
diets to meet a societal standard of beauty, their external goal is taking
them away from what they value.
If people say they value friendship, but can’t go to social events because
their elimination diet to get them abs by summertime is so restrictive
they can’t eat with other humans, their external goal is taking them away
from what they value.
Let’s take a look at possible intrinsic values people might have…and contrast
those with extrinsic goals they might have.
INTERNAL VALUES
EXTERNAL GOALS
Health
Getting abs
Strength
Doing three pullups
Connectedness
Looking cool on social media
Family
Driving a luxury car
Contribution
Winning an award
Education
Getting a master’s degree
Spirituality
Getting a promotion at work
Longevity
Deadlifting 275 pounds
Movement
Having a perfect butt
Loyalty
Having 10,000 social media friends
Adventure
Taking a tropical vacation
Mindfulness
Getting a perfect video of a cool trick
Courage
Winning a competition
Cooperation
Getting a title that denotes leadership
Patience
Completing a marathon
Authenticity
Getting thousands of likes on a picture
If you choose your goals before you understand your values, you’ve put the
cart before the horse.
Your values are character strengths. If the character strength you want to
express is wisdom, but you choose a goal that requires you do something stupid,
like a crash diet or a cleanse, you have a terrible goal. And yet, this happens all
the time in fitness.
Figure out your values first. Then, pick goals that would be the natural
consequences of acting in line with your values.
Let’s say you enroll in a master’s degree program. An external goal would be
to get the master’s degree because it will look good for others. An internal value
would be to pursue the master’s degree because you value education.
In both cases, you’re taking the same classes, but one motivation is external
and one is internal.
Or consider deadlifting. On one hand, you could pursue a goal of deadlifting a
certain amount of weight to look cool on social media. On the other hand, you
could be consistent with your deadlift workouts because you value strength.
Again, you might be doing the same workouts, but the motivation and the
experience of doing the workouts is completely different.
GOALS NOT REQUIRED—GOALS CAN CHANGE
I’ve had clients who got awesome results, but never had goals. They just
figured out their values and kept taking actions in line with them. Someone who
values health, longevity, and mindfulness and who practices eating skills that
match those values is going to settle at a healthy level of leanness and strength,
even if that was never a goal.
It’s the actions you take that matter. If your actions match your values, you’re
probably going to get everything you want anyway.
Sometimes the “goals versus values” concept throws people. But there are tons
of examples of how we do really important actions without goals.
For example, an emergency room surgeon doesn’t set a goal for the number of
lives to save each day; that would silly. Instead, the docs value saving lives and
they go in and do their best every day. Sometimes they save lives. Sometimes
they fail. But neither result affects their commitment or their values. Their
commitment to others is a character strength they want to do their best to express
every day.
Or, consider being a parent. You don’t set an age goal for your kids. You get up
and be a parent every day because you value family and love. It’s not about any
desired outcome; you just do what matters to you.
It can take time and reflection for people to connect to their fitness this way,
but that’s all it takes. Interventions involving a simple weekly practice of
reflecting on values and actions has been shown to be really effective.241,242
If you do set goals, make sure they match your values. And always make sure
the value is more important than the goal.
If people value strength and do these workouts for six months with a goal of
getting three pullups, that’s awesome. If in six months, they decide a deadlift
goal is a better expression of their value of strength than their previous pullup
goal…that works too. Either goal—pullups or deadlifts—is an expression of
strength. Either way, to match their value of strength, they’re going to the gym
three days per week. It really doesn’t matter which of their strength goals they
pursue because whatever the goal, they’re working out. And working out is an
action that matches their value of strength.
This is probably the opposite of everything you’ve ever heard about goals. I
know, right? Sounds totally silly.
And yet, research on intrinsic motivation (specifically research based on Self
Determination Theory) consistently backs up the power of things that are
personally and internally meaningful for health and fitness motivation.243
1. Take actions related to your personal values.
2. If you set goals, derive them from your values.
3. Reflect weekly on your values and how your actions relate to them.
HEALTHY GOALS
Goals can be totally healthy and fun when based on your values, and when you
stick to your values in the pursuit.
Most of my clients still set goals. And I’m getting paid to help them hit their
goals so we make sure to do that. The funny thing is, my clients who do food
skill practice and workout programs consistent with their values always hit their
goals.
There is a weird circularity to it:
A healthy goal is a goal we’ll certainly achieve if we’re acting in line
with our values.
If we pursue a goal from our values, we get to become the kind of
person we want to be.
If we’re being the kind of people we want to be, we hit our goals.
If your goals and your practice match your values, you hit your goals as a
natural expression of being yourself. If you take actions in line with your values,
you become the kind of person you want to be. People who do this make
measurable progress toward their goals every week, simply by being themselves.
LEANNESS AND STRENGTH AS A PART OF LIFE VERSUS
THE FIX FOR ALL OF MY LIFE
We’re often marketed leanness and fitness as the ultimate fix for everything in
our lives. Like, “If you just had abs, you’d be loved and adored by everyone!”
After nearly 20 years of helping clients hit goals, I can tell you this: Fitness
solves the problem of fitness…and nothing else.
Look, fitness is a really important part of life. It affects the things we can do
for fun, like if we’re capable of snowboarding or rock climbing or long hikes.
Fitness effects how easy it is to shop for clothes, and how we feel in those
clothes. Fitness can even affect how much energy we have throughout the day,
and can reduce our stress level.
That’s a lot of cool things fitness can do.
The issue is when people start to live as if “My life is going to be amazing
once I have abs!” In truth, when you have abs, you’ll have abs. It’s cool, but it
doesn’t fix the existential hole many people feel. Having abs doesn’t bring
meaning to our lives. Abs won’t change the quality of our relationships. Abs
don’t make us better at doing things.
In reality, our lives have a mix of things that matter to us, like family, career,
friends, hobbies, and communities we’re involved in. Most of those will have a
bigger impact on how we feel about our lives than will our fitness. If we clarify
our personal values and take actions consistent with those values in multiple
areas of our lives, that’s a much bigger deal than having abs.
Another funny paradox is that people do better at getting lean and strong when
they don’t put leanness or strength on a pedestal. You’d think focusing your
whole life around it would make sense, but in reality, the opposite is more
effective. People do well when they fit their fitness into the patchwork of things
in their lives that matter to them.
Getting lean and strong always comes back to skill practice. People practice
their eating skills and do their workout programs more consistently when they’re
just one part of their lives. Ironically, when eating skills and workouts are just
one of the things that matter to us, we end up being more consistent with our
practice.
When people hold fitness up as the ultimate thing that’s going to fix how they
feel about themselves, the process gets emotional and puts their emotions on a
rollercoaster. People get totally spun out if the scale doesn’t change for a week.
Often, people fall into perfectionist and punishment diet traps when they put too
much value on fitness.
When people put fitness in perspective, as one of the things that matters to
them, they usually practice more often and more consistently. If strength gains
stall for a couple weeks, it’s okay because they have other things in their lives
that matter to them. What’s more, they can easily see how continuing with their
workouts reduces stress and makes them more effective at the other important
things in their lives. Similarly, if their scale weight doesn’t go down for a week,
they don’t freak out. They can see how practicing the eating skills gives them
more energy and focus throughout the day and helps them be more connected to
other things that matter to them.
When your eating skills and workouts support things that matter to you, you
practice them a lot. And practicing a lot is where we get results.
THE TEN TURNING POINTS RECAP
The Ten Turning Points are the ten things you need to understand about getting
lean and strong that will help you stop struggling, get results, and maintain those
results for a lifetime.
THE TEN TURNING POINTS
UNDERSTANDING WHAT WORKS VERSUS WHAT
CAUSES FAILURE
WHAT WORKS
Understanding unsustainable
practices
Practicing excellence and selfcompassion
Engagement, flow, goldilocksing
I do it because I feel good
What practice actually looks like
Intuitive eating
WHAT FAILS
Assuming personal failure
Practicing perfectionism
Too much all of the time
I do it to meet a societal standard
Idealized fantasy of what dieting
and workouts look like
Objectification
Feel your feelings, and be a human
Good-vibes-only trap causes emotional
eating
Weight loss comes from self-care
Weight loss comes from punishment
Value based practice
Excessive focus on goal achievement
Leanness and strength are an
important part of my life
Leanness and strength will fix
all of my problems
It’s normal in our diet culture to notice yourself having thoughts that don’t
work. We’ve been programmed with them for years. We may even have
practiced those thoughts for decades.
What surprises people the most is that we don’t need to make those thoughts
go away. We just notice ourselves having those thoughts, and remember they
came from the diet world. Noticing the thoughts and knowing where they came
from means we don’t have to act on them.
We can have thoughts that don’t work, but still take actions consistent with
what does. Don’t worry about changing your thoughts; just change your actions.
If there’s a way to change your thoughts, it probably comes from first changing
your actions. Change your actions for a few years, and your thoughts might
change.
Most of my clients had been unsuccessful trying to change their thoughts in the
past, and are usually really relieved to learn they don’t have to. They can just let
the diet thoughts be, while practicing taking action from The Ten Turning Points.
The Ten Turning Points remind us to:
1. Notice ineffective thoughts from the diet world. Accept them as simply
being echoes from diet culture. Practice self-compassion when they
show up. Let them come and go in their own time.
2. Take actions consistent with what works. You can take effective actions
regardless of what thoughts show up.
CHAPTER SEVEN
THE WISE FIVE
Don’t Diet
The first step is to stop doing things that don’t work
Eating Skills and Workout Skills
What skills to practice to get lean and strong
Meta-skills
How to practice the skills so your practice is successful each week
The Ten Turning Points
How to think about your skills practice so you don’t sabotage your results
every eight weeks
The Wise Five
Understanding intrinsic motivation and how it works
In this section, we’re going to dig deep into the psychology of intrinsic
motivation. We’re going to look at how research describes motivation. We’ll
cover what actually drives motivation—it’s almost certainly the opposite of
everything you’ve heard. Lastly, we’re going to look at how to use that intrinsic
motivation to rock your food skill practice, even when it’s hard and
uncomfortable.
If you’ve ever struggled with the motivation to do the things that fit your goals
and values, this is the chapter you need to study.
DISCLAIMER
We’re going to talk about psychology and motivation in this section. It all
comes from research into health behaviors and behavioral weight loss based on
Self Determination Theory and contextual behavioral science.
Of course, if you go to a clinical or counseling psychologist and are instructed
to approach things in different ways from how they are presented here, always
follow the advice of your mental health professional. These are just
recommendations on what’s most effective for changing health behaviors for
people in the general population.
PRACTICING THE UNCOMFORTABLE
The major stumbling block most people run into with eating skills is being
uncomfortable.
Maybe, even though you’ve failed at 15 diets, you feel comfortable doing
another one. Another diet feels familiar and you like the idea of it. Even though
you know another diet is going to fail, it’s something you already have a lot of
practice doing. You might find yourself wanting do the diet again just because
it’s what you know the best.
Eating skills, on the other hand, are super uncomfortable! It’s all new. You
don’t feel good at it yet. Sometimes you’re even unsure if you’re doing it right.
Plus, you keep reading about new diets, and they all sound magical.
To get good at eating skills, you’re going to need to spend some time doing
them while they are uncomfortable.
You’ll have to lean on your personal values. You’re likely to find the eating
skills fit your values. Dieting, on the other hand, might strongly violate some of
your values. We’ll continue to do more values work in this section, and you’ll be
able to see how you can use your values as the foundation of your motivation.
Unfortunately, as you start to look at and use your values, your practice will
look like this:
The eating skills that fit your values are way outside your comfort zone. Most
of your food skill practice will feel uncomfortable. It’s going to suck.
That being said, even while it feels uncomfortable, you’ll be getting results. As
long as you practice, you’ll get results.
After a year of practice—often long after you’ve hit your goals—it’ll start to
feel more comfortable:
In the beginning, we need to create the psychological conditions in which
you’re able to do things that fit values outside of your comfort zone.
You’ll notice, after a year of practice, many more of the things you value are
within your comfort zone, but many still aren’t.
The ENTIRE GAME is to get good at doing things that are currently
uncomfortable.
Many of the things that are meaningful are uncomfortable at first. Growing and
changing and trying a new approach is going to be really uncomfortable.
Everything is uncomfortable when it’s new.
I love the way gymnastics and movement coach Carl Paoli put it: “The goal is
to chase the best way, not the most familiar way.”
With practice, your valued actions around food become a lot more comfortable.
That’s the cool thing about practice. But I also want to be really clear about the
kind of time frame we’re talking about: Expect it to be years before this feels
comfortable, before it becomes your new normal.
At that point, you’ll find it’s easy to maintain the results you’ve gotten. You’ll
be better at the skills; you’ll be comfortable with them, and you’ll even feel like
doing the skills is simply an expression of who you are. Now you never need to
worry about regaining weight again. You have those skills for life.
It’s likely you’ll spend a year of practice with many of the skills being fairly
uncomfortable.
I want to say this again: You can hit all of your goals before you get really
comfortable with the skills. As long as you’re practicing, you’ll get results.
You can get the results just by practicing.
You can get the results just by practicing.
You can get the results just by practicing.
It doesn’t need to be perfect to work. It doesn’t need to feel comfortable to
work. You just need to be doing the practice.
Feeling comfortable likely won’t come until after you’ve already gotten all of
the results you want.
Leanness Results =
Uncomfortable practice
Comfort with Eating Skills =
Lots and lots and lots of uncomfortable practice
Don’t worry; it will all be worth it. And, I’m going to give you all the tools you
need to be successful practicing while it’s uncomfortable.
THE DEFAULT SETTING OF MOTIVATION
The default setting for human beings is to look for motivation from one of two
places:
1. Reward or punishment;
2. Contingent self-esteem or guilt.
Both are valid forms of motivation, but they’re the forms of motivation that
come with the lowest enjoyment and lowest wellbeing. They’re the forms of
motivation where the satisfaction is fleeting when you hit a goal. Blink and
you’ll miss the feeling of accomplishment. They’re the kinds of motivation that
really suck.
The feelings of accomplishment disappear so fast that people immediately lose
motivation. Often when people hit a goal, they either quickly set a new and
bigger goal, or they give up completely.
Setting a new and bigger goal sounds like the right thing to do, but it’s really
just getting on a hamster wheel. You end up running from one goal to the next
and being shocked every time hitting the goal wasn’t enough to change how you
feel about yourself or your body.
Spoiler: The existential crisis that wasn’t fixed with hitting the last goal won’t
be fixed by hitting the next goal.
Punishment loses motivation the second the whip stops cracking;
Reward loses motivation the second a reward is attained;
Contingent self-esteem fades within weeks of hitting a goal;
Guilt, which in the short-term motivates, turns into shame…which demotivates.
You need to create a smarter plan. In Self Determination Theory, the
motivations are lower on the self-determined side. We have 30-plus years of
research showing that the more you pull from the less self-determined side, the
weaker the motivation is, the faster the motivation fades, and the less satisfaction
and wellbeing you derive from hitting goals…if you ever hit them.244
SELF DETERMINATION THEORY’S FOUR KINDS OF
MOTIVATION
MORE EXTERNAL
Reward
or
Punishment
Contingent
self-esteem
or
Guilt
MORE INTERNAL
Goals derived from
your values
Values integrated into your
sense of self
YOU HAVE TO WATCH OUT FOR CONTINGENT SELFESTEEM BEING YOUR ONLY FORM OF MOTIVATION.
Contingent Self-esteem
Being motivated by avoiding guilt and/or attempting to meet a societal standard
or comparison
We all want to believe we’d finally feel worthy and good enough and loved
and adored if we hit the right fitness level. We’re preprogrammed by social
media and TV—and often our friends and family—to believe that’s the truth
about life.
Contingent self-esteem is the default setting in the fitness field. We are always
swimming against that current. If you don’t intervene with your values, you will
always backslide into feeling like fitness goals will give you self-esteem.
I’m going to give you some radical advice: Give up the pursuit of self-esteem
and simply practice things that matter to you…and get better at them. Trade the
endless and slippery pursuit of trying to feel great about yourself all the time, for
the simple contentment that comes from doing things that matter to you, day in
and day out. Take pride not in social comparison, but in your own progress and
skill development.
Business philosopher Jim Rohn used to say: “The good will always be
attacked. The weeds will always attack the garden.”
It’s like that with motivation; we have to find better motivation, and we have to
defend it.
A BETTER PATH: SELF-DETERMINATION
On the flip side of punishment/reward and contingent self-esteem, we have
more self-determined forms of motivation. These are much more robust, and
they last longer.
Goals that align with your values: Doing things that relate to a
personally meaningful goal or value;
Values integrated into your sense of self: Taking actions that are based
on clarified values, integrated with your sense of self, and matter to you
to express the kind of person you want to be.
On the following page, you’ll see what that usually looks like in fitness.
SELF DETERMINATION THEORY’S FOUR KINDS OF
MOTIVATION
MORE EXTERNAL
I work out so I
can have a
cookie
afterward.
or
I work out to
meet a
societal
standard of
beauty.
or
If I miss my
workout,
I work out so I
no
don’t feel
carbohydrates guilty.
tomorrow.
MORE INTERNAL
I work out because I
It’s deeply important
have a goal that aligns to me to be strong.
with my value of
Working out is an
strength.
expression of being
the kind of person I
want to be.
At this point, you can probably see how you may have pulled from different
forms of motivation at different times in your life. You might remember times
when you tried to motivate yourself with rewards or punishments; that worked
for a little while, and then it really started to suck. You might also remember
times you worked out so you didn’t feel guilty or because you wanted to meet a
societal standard—and how completely miserable that was.
We know the left side of the chart are things that totally blow. It’s okay to pull
motivation from them once in a while or in the beginning, but they’re too
horrible to use as your only form of motivation.
You need motivation that doesn’t suck: You need to add intrinsic motivation.
Intrinsic motivation comes from clarifying your personal values.
A TALE OF TWO CLIENTS
SUSAN
Uses punishment and guilt as
motivation
Practices diet rules
Repeats the diet cycle of
failure, over and over again for
decades. It gets more difficult
every time, and she regains
more weight, every time.
MELISSA
Uses her personal values for motivation
Practices eating skills
Eating skills get easier every month. She gets
results every month. The whole process gets
easier every year. Eventually, the eating skills
and her leanness and strength are just an
expression of who she is.
Your personal values and intrinsic motivation are related to three things:
Autonomy
Competence
Relatedness
In Self Determination Theory, these are called “basic psychological needs.” If
you build these into your food skill and workout practices, you’ll create the
conditions to motivate yourself.245,246
Just remember:
External motivation is the motivation to use if you want to repeat the
diet cycle of failure.
Internal motivation is the awesome kind of motivation you want to use
for your Lean and Strong food skill practice and workout practice.
I’m going to give you a framework for making intrinsic motivation work for
you. It’s called the “Lean and Strong Wise Five.”
THE WISE FIVE
Here we’re going to dig into the psychology of intrinsic motivation when
doing things outside your comfort zone.
This is the 30,000-foot view of weight loss. It isn’t as immediately accessible
as the earlier skills and Meta-skills. It won’t change your relationship to your
food and workout practice as immediately as The Ten Turning Points. This is the
big picture. It’s worth having this in the back of your head and reflecting on this
from time to time, because this will change your relationship to your body, to
fitness, and to food.
I realize at the ripe old age of 41, I’m probably too young to write anything
“wise.” Fortunately, none of this came from me. This all comes from either Self
Determination Theory (SDT) or contextual behavioral science (CBS). Self
Determination Theory gives us the science of intrinsic motivation. Contextual
behavioral science gives us the skills for doing things that are hard and
uncomfortable.
There are currently a half-dozen bestsellers on book shelves based on SDT or
CBS. One of the best known is Drive by Daniel Pink, which is based on SDT.
While I love his metaphors for SDT, I think he messed up a couple parts of it.
Even so, it’s amazing he got SDT into the hands of managers everywhere.
Emotional Agility by Susan David, another huge business book, is based on
CBS. It’s rad that SDT and CBS are showing up in business books, but it’s way
past time we started seeing both in the fitness world.
The first three elements of The Wise Five are from SDT. Self Determination
Theory has more than 30 years of extremely robust research behind it; I didn’t
invent it, but I’m smart enough to use what works.
1. Autonomy—We’re going to call that “values.”
2. Competence—We’re going to call that “skills.”
3. Relatedness—We’re going to call that “connect.”
The second two elements come from CBS, specifically Acceptance and
Commitment Theory (ACT). They’re actually one construct—psychological
flexibility—but I’ve found my clients have an easier time applying them when
we split it into two separate ideas.
1. Psychological flexibility—We’re going to split that in two, and call it
“acceptance” and “committed action.”
We now have five evidence-based tools from psychology. They have a few
decades of research behind them. Some of the research, like the research on
psychological flexibility, have had major increases in the quantity of studies that
have come out in the last three years that specifically relate to weight loss.
We’re in the rare position where we have extraordinarily well-established
tools, and their application to weight loss is cutting edge.
USING THE WISE FIVE
THE WISE FIVE—THE PURSUIT OF THESE
IS ALWAYS CONSTRUCTIVE
VALUES
SKILLS
CONNECTION
ACCEPTING
THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS
COMMITTED ACTION
Values—Base your food skill practice and strength training around your
values.
Skills—Practice and get better at eating skills and strength training skills.
Connection—Listen to people, set healthy boundaries, be appropriately
vulnerable, care about people.
Accept Thoughts and Feelings—Accept it’s normal to have unwanted
thoughts and uncomfortable feelings about food and your body. Don’t numb
thoughts and feelings with food. Feel your feelings.
Committed Action—Be willing to practice eating skills, guidelines, and
workouts, even when it’s hard, when you have unhelpful thoughts, or don’t feel
like it. Take action because it fits your values.
One thing you’ll notice in this book is I teach a lot of things by using
opposites. Sometimes, instead of explaining something to death, it’s more
effective to give you a comparison.
In this case, it’s easier to understand The Wise Five when you can compare it
to The Failure Five.
THE FAILURE FIVE VERSUS THE WISE FIVE
FAILURE FIVE
WISE FIVE
THE PURSUIT OF THESE
IS OFTEN DESTRUCTIVE
THE PURSUIT OF THESE
IS ALWAYS
CONSTRUCTIVE
Reward or Punishment
Values
Try to control motivation
Practicing valued action
Self-esteem
Skills
Try to control how I feel about myself
Practicing skills
Status
Connection
Try to control other people liking me
Practicing prosocial behavior
Suppressing Unwanted
Thoughts
and Feelings
Try to control thoughts and feelings
Force “Motivated”
Thoughts and Feelings
Try to control motivation
Accepting Thoughts and
Feelings
Practicing recognizing thoughts
and feelings are normal
Committed Action
Practicing taking action when it’s hard
There are actually two different Failure Fives. This is the most common in the
clients who hire me—it’s The Failure Five related to control. There’s another
Failure Five related to giving up and we’ll cover that later.
This can be looked at as a continuum from too much, to just right, to too
little…like the groups at the top of the next page.
CONTINUUM OF WISE FIVE
Unfulfilled Five
Failure Five
Wise Five
Trying to force and control selfdetermination
Actual selfdetermination
“Too much”
“Just right”
Opting out or
giving up
on selfdetermination
“Too little”
THE FAILURE FIVE
REWARD AND PUNISHMENT
This is the lowest form of motivation. Trying to control motivation with
rewards and punishment is marginally effective in the short term. In the long
term, it makes people hate life.
It’s so future-oriented, you miss out on the present. This is one of the ways you
motivate yourself in the diet cycle of failure: “I hate my life right now, but
everything will be magical when I have abs.” Usually, people never make it to
their goals using rewards and punishments.
Reward and punishment are the most fleeting of motivations. Blink away from
the carrot for a second, and you lose motivation. The second the whip stops
cracking on your back, you lose motivation. It just doesn’t last long enough for
you to integrate your diet rules into your life. It’s a short-term motivation for a
short-term diet that literally causes a diet cycle of failure.
Even worse, rewards and punishments make you resent the actions you’re
taking. A meta-analysis of 128 research studies showed that even if you like and
value what you’re doing, if you’re given rewards and punishments, you’ll start to
like it less.247 Whatever you enjoyed about it is replaced with greedy reward
seeking. Whatever you found meaningful about it is beaten out of you with
punishment. You’ll enjoy what you’re doing less, and you even like yourself less
for doing it.
If you’ve ever been in a situation where a reward seemed meaningful, it’s
because of what you were doing, the people you were doing it with, or the work
and skills you were developing were meaningful.
If a reward ever worked, it’s because The Wise Five was underneath it holding
it up. The reward, then, was just a bonus.
SELF-ESTEEM
It’s a trap to use your fitness to try to like yourself more. People who have
gotten ripped abs or whatever they thought would be amazing usually find they
don’t like themselves any more than they did before. Instead of liking
themselves, they got a status symbol. Since their abs didn’t make them like
themselves more, they try to use them as a status symbol to coerce other people
to like them, which is shallow and ineffective.
Sadly, the pursuit of self-esteem has been shown to take away everything
meaningful in life. Pursuit of self-esteem lowers your valued action; it reduces
skill practice, and it can hurt relationships.248 The pursuit of self-esteem leads us
to do things that make us feel good about ourselves, and avoid things with the
potential to make us feel bad. The result is, we skip the most important kinds of
practice when we aren’t yet or aren’t immediately good at things. The result is
less practice, which keeps us from mastery.249
Five studies, including a longitudinal (long-term) study, found that pursuit of
self-esteem related to poorer performance and quitting in the face of
challenges.250 Recently, studies have been comparing three things:
Self-esteem: How much I like myself, how much I think I’m better than
other people
Self-compassion: How accepting and kind I can be to myself
Self-efficacy: How much I feel like I will be effective at doing a task
Empirical research shows that the pursuit of self-compassion is related to
increased self-esteem and self-efficacy.251,252 Self-compassion offers all the
benefits of self-esteem, without disadvantages like self-evaluation and egodefensiveness.253 Most relevant to us, between interventions for self-compassion
and self-esteem, self-compassion is much more effective at positively impacting
body image.254,255
You may notice there’s a sticky conundrum: There’s a difference between
having self-esteem and pursuing self-esteem. Having self-esteem is generally
considered positive, especially if it comes from a history of skill building and
valued action, though it could be argued that’s actually self-efficacy and not selfesteem. Pursuing self-esteem leads to lower wellbeing and ironically, lower selfesteem.
Paradoxically, the pursuit of self-esteem tends to reduce valued action, reduce
connection, and reduce skill acquisition.256 Trying to control how we feel about
ourselves is less effective than simply doing what matters to us, connecting with
people who matter to us, and building skills.
To sum it all up, if you want more self-esteem, you get all of the benefits and
none of the problems if you instead pursue skill building and self-compassion.
STATUS
“Status” is where you use your fitness to make other people like you.
Unfortunately, this usually backfires. People mostly envy people with status,
which is massively different than liking them.
People don’t feel awesome about themselves when they’re around someone
flaunting their status. Take social media, for example. It’s been shown that
following social media accounts of people with “perfect bodies” lowers the
follower’s wellbeing, worsens body image, and increases disordered eating.257,258
Essentially, if you flaunt your new abs as a status symbol, you’ll make other
people feel worse.
Most of the fitness field revolves around status as motivation, and it’s just
wrong. It’s a poor substitute for having quality relationships. Status is another
fleeting form of motivation.
Research shows that pursuit of status, wealth, and physical attractiveness relate
to lower vitality, wellbeing, and self-actualization. Conversely, pursuit of selfacceptance, community contribution, and physical health are related to higher
wellbeing.259
And, if you’re wondering if performance goals are the answer to body image
status issues, it turns out they aren’t. Trying to look cool by showing off your
deadlift or bench press numbers isn’t any healthier than trying to look cool by
showing off your abs.260
Like self-esteem, this is another place where there’s a difference between
possession and pursuit. The possession of status can be super useful in that it can
open significant opportunities we wouldn’t otherwise have. In fact, possession of
status, close friends, and skill competence all predict wellbeing.261 It’s just that
the pursuit of status leads to lower wellbeing. If it sounds like a catch-22, it’s
not. The alternative is to pursue skill building, connection with others, and
community contribution for their own sakes…and you may get a degree of status
as a byproduct. Ironically, studies show that people often gain status through
demonstrating abilities to contribute to, cooperate with, and be generous with the
groups they’re a part of.262
Basically, if status and looking cool for others is your only source of
motivation for fitness, it’ll be tougher to succeed, and will be really terrible for
actually feeling good about yourself. The word “only” is key. It’s normal to want
to look good; it’s even normal to want status. It’s just that things will massively
suck for you if that’s the only thing you have to pull from for motivation.
Balance these by pulling from your values and the inherent satisfaction of skill
building. Ground yourself with a bigger focus on your connection and
contribution to others.
SUPPRESSING UNWANTED THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS
This has a variety of looks, but the way it shows up most commonly in fitness
is forced positivity and “good vibes only.” People feel they need to be up and
happy all the time, but the human brain just isn’t wired for that.263 It’s normal to
be happy sometimes and sad other times.264
The issue here is, people who think they should force happy thoughts and
suppress unhappy thoughts eventually get smashed. You can only white knuckle
happy thoughts for so long. Suppressing negative thoughts and feelings has a
harsh rebound effect. Many people who struggle with overeating overeat
precisely when they have these emotional rebounds. The research on suppressing
thoughts and feelings, unsurprisingly, mirrors the research on suppressing
cravings. The people who have the biggest emotional suppression are those who
always overeat the most when they snap.
We aren’t robots—we can’t be happy all the time. Looked at from a healthier
perspective, the entire cornucopia of human emotions isn’t only normal, but part
of the beautiful ride of life. People often bond strongly when sharing intense
sadness.
We often learn the most from hard and uncomfortable circumstances. People
find enormous meaning in doing something for someone else, even when it isn’t
fun, and they don’t enjoy the experience.
It’s okay to cry at a funeral with the people we love. It’s fine for paramedics
not to enjoy cleaning a wound, but to do it because they care about patient
health. It’s fine that you don’t jump out of bed with excitement to go to work on
Monday morning, but you go anyway to provide for your family. It’s okay to feel
frustrated when something doesn’t go your way. It’s normal to be exhausted after
a long night of taking care of a sick kid. It’s okay not to want to work out. It’s
really fine if you look at the lunch you packed and don’t feel like eating it. It’s
normal to feel all of these feelings. Cut yourself some slack.
The biggest and most damaging lie is that you should feel excited about all of
these things. You don’t. You might have heard you need to change your thoughts
so that you want to do all of those things. You don’t. Remember Monday
morning: You don’t always want to go to work; you go anyway. You don’t go
because you convinced yourself to want to in the moment; you go because it
matters.
People who try to force positivity have worse life outcomes. Even in positive
psychology, they call it “the tyranny of the positive attitude.”265 Second wave
positive psychology is about embracing all of life’s emotions and having positive
outcomes, not positive feelings. Some of the most important personal growth can
come out of sadness, loss, and failure. Many of the most meaningful things in
our lives aren’t easy or fun.266,267
Emotional eating develops from a myth that we’re supposed to be happy every
waking moment. It often starts with feeling bad, having some comfort food, and
then feeling a little better. Once in a great while, that’s totally fine, but when this
is repeatedly practiced, people start becoming afraid of feeling bad. After a
couple years, they may try to numb all their bad feelings with food.
People who expect to be happy all the time end up being afraid of being sad or
frustrated or anxious or stressed out. They end up running away from very
normal and common parts of the human experience.
The goal, of course, is to feel and honor your feelings—to be a complete
human. If we don’t practice being with unwanted emotions, we’re doomed to
emotionally eat for the rest of our lives.
FORCE MOTIVATED THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS
This is a part of the previous section. The big lie here is that you need to make
yourself feel motivated or excited about doing something before you do it.
This means, for example, trying to get hyped about working out before
working out. On days you’re able to get hyped, you work out. On days when you
just don’t feel it, you can’t work out. Since you believe you should be able to get
excited about working out and that you even need to get excited about working
out, you’re caught off guard when it doesn’t happen. You end up skipping a lot
of workouts.
The feeling of motivation comes and goes in cycles. Weather has been used as
an example a couple times in this book—sometimes it’s summer and sometimes
it’s winter. If you only work out in the “summer” when you feel like it, you’re
going to miss half your workouts. Motivation is always up and down, and you
can’t rely on it as an indicator of what to do.
It works exactly the same with food. People try to get positive about eating the
lunch they packed, and when they can’t decide they want it today, they’ll eat
something else. You can’t expect to have the feeling of wanting to practice your
eating skills every day; it’s not normal and it’s not human.
You don’t need to control your emotions and thoughts before taking actions
that matter to you.
CONTROL IS THE PROBLEM,
NOT THE SOLUTION
People fail with The Failure Five because they think control is the solution.
Unfortunately, if they review their history, they’ll find that control has always
failed them:
1. You try to control your motivation with rewards and punishments, and
start to hate what you’re doing.
2. In trying to control your self-esteem, you feel worse.
3. You try to control who likes you by status, and they are repulsed instead.
4. You try to control your thoughts and emotions; it backfires—you lose
control, and eat to numb your feelings and thoughts.
5. You try to control your thoughts and feelings to get motivated, and end
up not doing what matters to you when you don’t feel like it.
Most people don’t know what to do if they don’t pursue more control. That’s
where The Wise Five come in.
MORE FAILURE FIVE RESOURCES
If you want to nerd out on The Failure Five, I recommend a few resources:
In the book Popular: Finding Happiness and Success in a World That
Cares Too Much about the Wrong Kinds of Relationships, Mitch
Prinstein outlines the destructive impact of pursuit of status (like having
abs) versus likeability (like relatedness). Essentially, status can open
some doors, but it mostly distances us from people. It reduces our
relatedness to others, lowers our likeability, and can lead to worse life
outcomes due to personality conflicts.
Jennifer Crocker and Lora Park, in their article The Costly Pursuit of
Self Esteem from Psychological Bulletin of the American Psychological
Association, outline how the three basic psychological needs from SDT
—autonomy, competence, and relatedness—are all thwarted by the
pursuit of self-esteem. That pursuit of self-esteem actually lowers
autonomy and meaning in life, reduces the amount of competencebuilding practice people do, and drives wedges between people’s
relatedness to other people.
Russ Harris, in his book The Happiness Trap, breaks down how the
pursuit of happiness is often destructive and unfulfilling. We actually
want to practice openness to feeling; taking actions consistent with our
values is what gives us a meaningful life.
Itai Ivtzan, Tim Lomas, Kate Hefferon, and Piers Worth in their
textbook, Second Wave Positive Psychology: Embracing the Dark Side
of Life, outline how life is about meaning, growth, and relationships.
Our ability to experience a full range of human emotions, including
“negative” emotions like sadness, is an important aspect of health.
Transformational growth is often the result of great adversity.
THE WISE FIVE VALUES
Values are the key to intrinsic motivation. When you identify your values and
take actions in alignment with them (like food skill practice and workouts),
you’re being your best version of yourself.
Values are essentially just what matters to you, what you stand for, and the
kind of person you want to be. We want our values to dictate the actions we take,
regardless of how we feel. Practicing taking actions in line with our values
regardless of how we feel is the practice of getting out of our comfort zone,
beating emotional eating, and living a meaningful life.
Simply taking action in line with our values significantly increases wellbeing.
We just need to do the values reflections described later in this section and line
up our food skill practice and workout practice with our values. It helps to reflect
on how our values and practices line up weekly.
SKILLS
Building skills over time is phenomenal for our sense of self. Instead of selfesteem, we build self-efficacy. Self-efficacy is our belief in our abilities…based
on our practice. It includes seeing our skills build over time, and overcoming
obstacles in our skill practice.
We get deep contentment and meaning from practice. Neuroscientists believe
we’re wired for “effortful practice,” that our wellbeing increases when we do
things that are hard and that matter to us.
Skill building is often difficult and involves overcoming obstacles, but is
meaningful and rewarding. Getting better at food and workout skills changes
people’s relationships to their bodies, their trust in their bodies, and how they
feel about themselves.
CONNECTION
In research, this is called “relatedness” or “being prosocial.” Ironically, the way
most people think they’ll be liked from fitness status only comes from being a
better friend. We get more social capital from being better listeners than we do
from abs. We feel better about ourselves from setting healthy boundaries than we
do from abs. And we have a higher self-concept from taking care of people we
care about than we do from how we look at the beach.
Being cool to people, ironically, looks exactly like The Wise Five:
1. Values: Give people the freedom to pursue what matters to them; talk to
them about what matters to them.
2. Skills: Support them in growing and skill building in things that matter
to them.
3. Relatedness: Hang with people who care about you and who care about
some of the same things you do.
4. Let people feel their feelings. Let them know their feelings are normal
and okay.
5. Support people in taking actions on things that matter to them.
Here I’m adapting relationship motivation theory (a sub-theory of Self
Determination Theory) and acceptance and commitment therapy prosocial skills
into The Wise Five. That’s the foundation of The Wise Five; I just wanted you to
know there’s already precedent for applying SDT and ACT to relationship
health.
Relationship skills are outside the scope of this book. Just keep in mind how
important connection is to well-being.
Many people bring personal Tupperware meals to Thanksgiving dinner—
theoretically in the name of leanness—only to alienate the people around them.
Or they worry about going out to dinner with people because they don’t know if
they’ll be able to order something healthy. That’s not healthy; that’s sad.
Your values need to include other people. Your values have to encompass
connectedness and relatedness. No food skill practice should ever be at the
expense of people you love. Many clients have gotten better relationships with
their families by giving up diets and focusing on eating skills—they can actually
be with people while eating. They don’t have to be weird or over focused on
food; they can focus on conversation and connection.
The real irony is that the clients I work with usually already have amazing
relationships with family and close friends. The status they want to get from
being super lean is about looking good for people they don’t know or actually
care about. Focus more on the people who already care about you and enjoy
greater wellbeing.
ACCEPT THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS
It’s normal for humans to have a whole cornucopia of thoughts and feelings.
We have some thoughts that are useful (like planning), and some that aren’t (like
from the diet world). We have some emotions that are comfortable (happiness),
and some emotions that are uncomfortable (sadness, frustration, anger). All
emotions are normal parts of the human experience.
Ironically, it’s the drive to “fix” our emotions and thoughts that drives
emotional eating. Let me repeat that: It’s not emotions that drive emotional
eating; it’s trying to suppress emotions that drives emotional eating.268
When people suppress or try to change their thoughts, it can work for a while,
but they get a rebound of more of those thoughts and emotions. When people try
to suppress cravings for foods, it can work for a while, then people rebound and
eat more.
The people who most try to control their emotions are those who rebound the
hardest with cravings and emotional eating. The research on all of that is covered
in the defusion section on page 91.
As paradoxical as it may seem, the people who practice accepting their
thoughts and feelings as normal are the people who emotionally eat the least and
don’t rebound. If you accept it’s normal to be sad sometimes, you can be sad
without eating to fix it.
Normal Human Pain
It’s normal to be sad, angry, frustrated, or lonely. It’s normal to have unhelpful
thoughts sometimes.
Added Pain
There’s an extra level of pain we normally put on top of normal pain when we
add rumination about past pain, worry about future pain, or trying to control pain
in the present. Trying to control thoughts and feelings actually adds pain, and
makes things worse.
Acceptance frees you up to take different actions.269 If you don’t have to fix
your thoughts and feelings, you can actually spend that energy participating in
things that matter to you. You find you can be sad and still connect with friends.
You can be frustrated and still practice your food skills or do your workouts. You
can feel anxious and still go to a party. You can feel angry about something and
still practice self-care.
“Willingness” might seem like a better word to you. Some of my clients
hate the word “acceptance.” If that’s you, substitute it with “willingness.” The
concept is to be willing to feel all the normal human feelings when they come
up. Be willing to ride them out, knowing that no emotion lasts forever.
Willingness is like the weather. Just like we’re willing to drive to work when
it’s raining, we’re willing to practice things that matter to us even when we’re
sad. In the same way it can be cloudy one day and sunny the next, we can be sad
one day and happy the next. It all comes and goes. We want to be willing to just
be, however something shows up that day—willing to feel all of the feelings that
come and go. Choose to be willing to observe all of the thoughts that come and
go. If we’re willing to have them, they all come and go in their own time.
Self-compassion makes a huge difference. Self-compassion is being kind to
ourselves even in the face of our own humanity. That can include responding to
your own thoughts and feelings with kindness. Have compassion for yourself
when negative thoughts and feelings come up. Think of how you’d be
compassionate toward your best friend or one of your children, and apply that
compassion to yourself. For many of us, self-compassion is the thing that
facilitates willingness and acceptance.
I’m currently writing a book about tools to help with emotional eating,
including an in-depth look at acceptance, willingness, and tools like defusion,
and how these facilitate committed action. In the meantime, keep in mind all of
your feelings are normal. For most people, learning to be with their feelings is a
foundational skill practice. There’s more on this later, but if you want a lot more
on this before my next book comes out, read A Liberated Mind by Steven Hayes.
COMMITTED ACTION
Committed action pairs with accepting thoughts and feelings. We need to
accept our thoughts and feelings because it’s such an effective way to approach
taking action. If we don’t have to fix our thoughts and feelings, we can practice
our eating skills and do our workouts even when it’s hard.
This book is about committed action. All the skills practice, all the Meta-skills
and workouts are committed action. Don’t get so caught up in thinking about
The Wise Five, you forget the whole point is to increase the frequency of your
practice.
We’re taking actions that support things that matter to us. We identify our
values so we can line up our actions with them. And then we take action.
Lean and Strong is a practice-based system. The heart of the program is to
increase frequency of behavior.
THE UNFULFILLED FIVE
When my clients fail, it’s because of The Failure Five. I mostly work with
people who are really motivated, but tend to drive that motivation from
punishment, guilt, and status. They try and use black-and-white food rules…and
they fail.
There’s another end of the spectrum, though. I call the other end “The
Unfulfilled Five.” If The Failure Five are too much extrinsic motivation, The
Unfulfilled Five are too little of any kind of motivation.
THE UNFULFILLED FIVE VERSUS THE WISE FIVE
THE PURSUIT OF THESE
IS OFTEN DESTRUCTIVE
THE PURSUIT OF THESE
IS ALWAYS
CONSTRUCTIVE
Chaos
Values
No plan at all
Practicing valued action
Don’t Try Skills
Skills
Don’t risk failure
Practicing skills
Don’t Try in
Relationships
Connect
Avoid vulnerability, boundaries, or
connectedness
Practicing prosocial behavior
Emotional Eating
Accept Thoughts and
Feelings
Numb unwanted thoughts
and emotions through food
Practice willingness
to feel feelings and have thoughts
Wait for “Motivation”
Committed Action
Only take action when “feeling like it”
Practice taking action when it’s hard
CHAOS
Often when people abandon diet rules, they abandon everything. They have no
structure, no guidelines, and they don’t track anything. With no plan and no
direction, they always fail.
Sadly, the message we commonly get is there are only two modes in life: rules
or free-for-all. We basically crush ourselves with the most rigid rules we can…
until we explode and do whatever we want. Of course, neither way works very
well.
You can’t just throw your hands up and hope for the best. Chaos, ironically, is
just as painful and ineffective as rigid rules and punishment.
DON’T TRY SKILLS
Some people are so afraid of failure, they won’t try the skills. Skills are too
new…too hard…too too.
This can come from either perfectionism or from a history of repeated failure.
It doesn’t actually matter where it comes from, though—it just doesn’t work.
While practicing doing nothing is safe and comfortable, it doesn’t get us
anywhere.
This is where the “get comfortable with being uncomfortable” from the
beginning of the chapter kicks in. Food skill practice—or any new actions that
align with our values—always start off uncomfortable. We run the risk of failure.
In fact, practicing anything new and hard guarantees failure.
You can’t avoid failure if you want to grow. You should expect to fail 20–
30% of the time. It’s not fun to fail, but it’s necessary. The only way to learn
skills is to try, fail, learn, and try again. Each time we get a little better.
Failure is a necessary part of learning.
DON’T TRY IN RELATIONSHIPS
Relationship skills are outside the scope of this book, but I have to mention
them because they’re a third of the psychological needs required for intrinsic
motivation.
Basically, being cool to people—appropriate vulnerability, healthy boundaries,
and staying connected—all take work. It’s easier to avoid the work. But you’ll
have higher intrinsic motivation if you work at your relationships.
EMOTIONAL EATING
Numbing your feelings is a short-term solution. This isn’t your fault.
The media and personal trainers on TV and magazines all tell us we should be
happy all the time…we should never be sad. When we do feel sad, we assume
it’s wrong and we numb it with food.
It’s normal to have a wide range of feelings.
It’s normal to be happy sometimes and sad others.
It’s normal to be excited sometimes, and low energy at others.
For humans, emotions are like the weather—changeable. It’s okay to feel your
feelings.
We get to honor our feelings by feeling them. Allowing ourselves to actually
feel our feelings, frees us up to practice our eating skills even when we feel bad.
Living a meaningful life means taking action in line with our values, even
when we have negative feelings.
WAIT FOR “MOTIVATION”
We make the mistake of thinking motivation is a feeling of wanting to do
something. Worse, we get superstitious about that, thinking it should be required
before taking actions that matter to us.
Often, we’ve been told if we know our “why” for doing something or have a
big enough goal, it should make us want to do things. This is a really important
error: Knowing why we’re doing something has nothing to do with wanting to
do it. In fact, the opposite is true: Knowing why (our values) should be the
reason we do things when we don’t want to and don’t feel “motivated.”
The feeling of motivation comes and goes like the weather. If we rely on good
feelings to do what matters to us, we’ll never do what matters consistently
enough to get the results we want.
A NOTE TO PERSONAL TRAINERS
This book is written with the end-user in mind. That being said, I’ve met
hundreds of trainers at workshops who told me they read my previous book, so I
assume there will be a fair number of trainers reading this one as well.
This will be short and to the point, but I want the trainers reading this to
understand how The Failure Five relates to coaching. The chart below should
make sense after reading the previous sections on The Failure Five and the rest
of the book.
THE COACH FAILURE FIVE VERSUS THE COACH WISE
FIVE
COACHING THESE
IS OFTEN
COACHING THESE
IS ALWAYS
DESTRUCTIVE
CONSTRUCTIVE
Reward and Punishment
Autonomy Support
Controlling clients—improper use of
authority
Supporting choice and
investigating values
Self-esteem
Skill Learning Support
Fake or lazy praise
Give feedback on effective skill
practice
Status
Relatedness
Promoting client’s pursuit of societal body
ideals
Letting clients know how you’re
similar to them—normalizing their
struggles
The Tyranny of the Positive
Attitude
Accepting Thoughts
and Feelings
Telling clients to cheer up, be positive, try
harder, or have a better attitude when
they’re struggling
Feel your own feelings
Let your clients feel their feelings
Overly Outcome Goal
Focused
Supporting Committed
Action
Having everything be about weight on the
scale or how much weight gets lifted in
workouts
Setting practice frequency
(action) goals, doing obstacle
planning with them
It’s a simple five-step process:
1. Don’t foist The Failure Five on your clients. Practice The Wise Five
yourself.
2. Practice The Wise Five yourself.
3. No, really, you absolutely must practice The Wise Five yourself.
4. Teach The Wise Five to your clients.
You have to use The Wise Five yourself. Do the hard work. You can share
your own struggles with it to help normalize theirs. Here are some action steps to
do with your clients to support The Wise Five in their food skill and workout
practices:
Listen to your clients talk about their food skill practice for the first 15
minutes of each session. Ask open-ended questions like, “What did you
notice this week?” Listen more than talk.
When they struggle with things, normalize their struggles. Let them
know that most of your clients struggle with the same things. If you
struggle with the same things, let them know. You can be a human, and
let them be human.
When you talk about committed action, think about changes you’ve
wanted to make, but have struggled with—usually for trainers, that isn’t
fitness. Think about the marketing issue you didn’t resolve, or that hard
conversation in your life you still haven’t had. Journal about the things
in life that are hardest for you, and that you still have a hard time with.
Relate that to the struggles your clients have.
Let them feel their feelings. They’re allowed to feel how they feel.
They’re allowed to have bad days. They’re allowed to get frustrated. Let
them feel their feelings. Normalize feeling feelings. Honor their
feelings. Before the session is over, always redirect to future skill
practice. We can feel our feelings, and do the work simultaneously.
Give your clients choices about which eating skills to work on for the
following week. I often give my clients a choice of three skills based on
how the prior week went. Of course, working on the same skills again is
always an option.
Give them specific positive feedback. Precisely praise the skills they
practiced and how much they practiced. Instead of “Good job,” say
“Really good work increasing the number of meals when you put your
fork down between bites this week.” Successful coaching takes listening
and noting specifically what they did well.
Have them circle values on the values list. Talk them through values
reflections. Give them homework to journal about their values. Ask
them how their values connected with their food skill practice and their
workouts during the week. This should be a recurring conversation over
years.
Stop using the world “compliance” when talking about your clients.
Compliance means “to yield to commands, to obey.” Your work
shouldn’t be about them obeying you or obeying the program. Instead,
use the word “concordance.” Self-concordance means “to act in line
with your values.” Success isn’t about them being compliant with the
program; it’s about them acting in concordance with their self-selected
values.
Always bring everything back to next week’s skill practice. Which
eating skills they are going to practice? How often they will practice?
Where are they in their monthly workout plan? What days and times are
they going to work out? What do they plan to progress or modify
weight-wise in different exercises? Have them describe their If/then
plans to overcome specific obstacles they anticipate, with either food
skills or workouts. Bring everything back to action.
SCOPE OF PRACTICE FOR PERSONAL TRAINERS
REGARDING NUTRITION
DON’T DO THIS:
Obviously saying certain foods treat medical conditions or will impact
health in specific ways is an egregious scope of practice violation.
Individualized nutrition recommendations or customized meal plans are
also out, even though most trainers make this mistake.
If you recommend cutting out certain foods or even whole
macronutrients, you’re treading on thin ice. On top of that, many
countries and states have even stricter regulations on what you can and
can’t do as a personal trainer; check with your local laws to learn about
this important issue. Always consider this: “Could I justify my
credentials for making this recommendation to a judge and jury?”
If someone has a medical nutrition issue that needs work or has in-depth
questions about nutrition and health, refer out to a registered dietician.
DO THIS:
You can discuss the relationship between total energy consumed and
weight.
Sharing your government’s food guidelines are within your scope of
practice. In the United States and Canada, that would be Canada’s food
guide and the United States’ MyPlate guidelines. In other countries,
you’ll likely have to stick closely to your country’s food guidelines.
You can share nutrition information from other credible and well-known
institutions. The World Health Organization and the American Heart
Association are good examples. The “Healthy Eating Plate” from
Harvard’s T.H. Chan School of Public Health likely falls into this
category as well.
Ultimately, let clients make their own decisions about how they want to
balance their meals.
Instead of food content, focus on behavioral skills. Skills like eating
slowly, noticing when full, and eating a meal every four to six hours are
all reasonable recommendations.
Double check the laws in your country or state.
SCOPE OF PRACTICE FOR PERSONAL TRAINERS
REGARDING PSYCHOLOGY:
DON’T DO THIS:
I shouldn’t have to say this, but let me say it anyway: Mental health
conditions are outside of a personal trainer’s scope of practice. That
should be obvious, but then again, we see trainers post on social media
that “exercise is better than medication for depression.” I hope that
trainer ends up in jail. Obviously, we don’t work with depression,
anxiety, anorexia, bulimia, and so on.
The gray areas are where clients are using food to cope with stress and
emotions. Some people who are snacking because they’re stressed out in
the middle of a workday will likely respond really well to a skills-based
approach.
On the flip-side, someone who has more serious issues with eating and
emotions or isn’t making progress with these simple skills should be
referred out. Referring out is really cool—counseling psychologists have
a whole toolbox that personal trainers don’t have.
DO THIS:
In terms of psychology, personal trainers should mostly stick to letting
clients explore their own reasons for motivation. Values work is great.
Let clients feel their feelings. It can be really helpful for them to know
that the thoughts and emotions they are having are normal. Clients can
reflect on how their thoughts are just thoughts.
You can share about the damaging nature of black-and-white diet rules
and perfectionism.
Ask questions, listen more than you talk, make it safe for them to
explore, and let them sort out most of that for themselves. They do it all;
you just listen.
For the most part, personal trainers should stick to behaviors. Whether you call
them actions, skills, guidelines, or habits, that’s the scope of a personal trainer in
relationship to food and eating. The skills in this book work perfectly for that.
HOW DO I CONNECT WITH MY VALUES?
We’re going to practice with a weekly values reflection in your journal.
Week One
1. Journal for five minutes about the kind of person you want to be around
food and strength training. Think about what you’d do. Think about how
you’d relate to your training and skills practice.
Finally, answer four questions:
A. Who matters to me?
B. What matters to me?
C. Which character strengths do I admire?
D. What do I want to stand for?
2. From those answers, select your values. If you’re having trouble
distinguishing your values, it might be helpful to review the intrinsic
values versus external goals on page 193 or the values list on page 220.
Week Two
1. Pick one to three values from a values list.
2. Journal for 15–20 minutes about how those values relate to the kind of
person you want to be, and why you chose those values over others. It’s
okay to reword the values to be personalized for you.
If you have trouble picking three or fewer values, use the 10–5–3 process.
Circle your top ten. Then from those ten, underline your top five. Finally, from
those five, put stars by the three most important to you right now.
In reality, it’s okay to have lots of values. The issue, really, is that people have
trouble focusing on more than three. If you talk to someone who is “trying to
focus on these ten values,” you find they’re either overwhelmed by having so
many, or they consistently forget all of them.
The point right now of having three is to be clear about what you’re working
on. You want to be able to remember them, and you want to be able to apply
them to your food skill practice every day.
It’s more effective to have fewer values that get remembered and applied to
your practice. A dozen values you can’t remember are useless.
EXAMPLE VALUES
CHOOSE YOUR TOP ONE TO THREE VALUES
OR COME UP WITH YOUR OWN
Acceptance
Flexibility
Play
Adventure
Freedom
Reciprocity
Assertiveness
Friendship
Respect
Authenticity
Forgiveness
Resourcefulness
Balance
Fun
Responsibility
Beauty
Generosity
Romance
Caring
Gratitude
Safety
Challenge
Home
Self-awareness
Collaboration
Honesty
Self-care
Community
Humor
Self-discipline
Compassion
Humility
Self-expression
Connection
Industriousness
Self-respect
Contribution
Independence
Service
Cooperation
Intimacy
Skillfulness
Courage
Joy
Spirituality
Creativity
Justice
Stewardship
Curiosity
Kindness
Strength
Design
Knowledge
Supportiveness
Dignity
Leadership
Teamwork
Diversity
Learning
Tradition
Encouragement
Love
Trustworthiness
Ethics
Loyalty
Understanding
Equality
Mindfulness
Uniqueness
Excitement
Order
Usefulness
Exploration
Open-mindedness
Vision
Fairness
Optimism
Vulnerability
Faith
Patience
Wellbeing
Family
Persistence
Wholeheartedness
Fitness
Personal Development
Wisdom
Week Three
1. Look at the one to three values you picked last week.
2. Journal topic (write for at least five minutes): How do the eating skills
you’re practicing right now express your values?
Week Four
1. Reflect on the one to three values you picked the first week. You can
reevaluate and choose different values if you prefer. You can search the
internet for other values lists and pull from those as well. Just keep it to
one to three values. Don’t get caught up in picking the “right” values.
The best way to figure out your values is practice, followed by
reflection, which you’re going to do for months. It’s better to figure it
out over time, through practice and reflection, than it is to try to get the
“perfect” values up front.
2. Journal topic (write for at least five minutes): What will your life look
like five years from now if you continue to practice skills that match
your values?
Week Five
1. Look at your one to three values.
2. Journal topic (write for at least five minutes): What was a tough choice
you had to make with your eating skills or workouts this week? How do
your values relate to that choice? Looking at your values, would you
make the same choice again, or would you do something different in the
future?
Week Six
1. Pick two values for each area of your life:
A. Personal growth, health and fitness
B. Relationships and family
C. Work and career or education
D. Fun, play, relaxation
2. Journal topic (write for at least five minutes): Do any of your values
compete? Does the kind of person you want to be in other areas of your
life impact who you want to be in health and fitness?
Week Seven
1. Take a look at your values in any of the four areas of your life.
2. Journal topic (write for at least five minutes): What skill practice would
be in the direction of those values?
Week Eight
1. Consider your food and fitness-related values.
2. Journal topic (write for at least five minutes): What is your current skill
practice missing in relationship to those values? What is your skill
practice totally nailing in relationship to those values?
Week Nine
1. Take at least five minutes to review your previous journal entries.
Week Ten
1. Look at your values in all four areas of your life.
2. Journal topic (write for at least five minutes): What do you want the
epitaph on your gravestone to be?
The old joke goes that no one really wants the epitaph on their
gravestone to read “finally lost the last 15 pounds.” Usually they want it
to read something like, “loving parent and great friend,” or “caring and
honest,” or “volunteered in the community.”
While this may seem a little morbid, it’s a good way to cut through the statusbased fitness ideas we’ve been sold all our lives, and really get at the kind of
person we want to be.
Week Eleven
1. Reflect again on your food and fitness values.
2. Journal topic (write for at least five minutes): How do practicing your
food values positively impact other areas of your life? How do they
positively impact people around you?
Week Twelve
1. Look at your food and fitness values.
2. Journal topic (write for at least five minutes): What will your life look
like if you continue practicing these values for the next ten years?
Week Thirteen
1. Pick two values for each area of your life:
A. Personal growth, health and fitness
B. Relationships and family
C. Work and career or education
D. Fun, play, relaxation
2. Journal topic (write for at least five minutes):
Are these the same values you picked last time you did this practice?
What’s the same? What’s different? Why do these values matter to you
going forward?
ADVANCED VALUES REFLECTIONS: TAKING
PERSPECTIVE
Perspective taking is one of the most powerful reflections we can do. We’re
often too close to our goals and obstacles to be objective, which is one of the
reasons talking to a friend or a coach can be so helpful. We can actually do the
same thing for ourselves by imagining a different perspective and journaling
from that perspective.
Week One: Asking for Advice
1. Look at your food and fitness values.
2. Imagine you’re 20 years older and wiser.
3. Journal topic (write for at least five minutes): What advice would the
older and wiser you give you about your values, food skill practice, and
workouts right now?
Week Two: Giving Advice
1. Consider your food and fitness values.
2. Imagine you’re talking with a really good friend who has those same
values.
3. Journal topic (write for at least five minutes): What advice would you
give your good friend about food values, food skill practice, and
workouts right now?
Week Three: Asking for Advice
1. Reflect on your food and fitness values.
2. Imagine you’re talking to the wisest and most compassionate person you
know.
3. Journal topic (write for at least five minutes): What advice would they
give you about your values and your eating skills and workouts right
now?
Week Four: Giving Advice
1. Look at your food and fitness values.
2. Imagine a child or teenager going through the same things you are and
who has the same values. It can be your son or daughter, or a niece or
nephew, or a child of a friend. If this young person came to you and
asked about food skill practice, workouts, and values, what advice
would you give?
3. This can be really powerful because we’re smarter and more
compassionate about the needs of kids. People would never impose
many of the meaner impulses they have about their bodies, their weight,
and food on a kid they care about—often they’d counsel the opposite of
their own impulses. This is an important conflict to sort out: Firstly, you
may have to actually give some wise and compassionate advice
someday. Secondly, it’s useful to think about what it would look like for
you to do with your wise and compassionate counsel, to follow your
own advice.
4. Journal topic (write for at least five minutes): What advice would you
give that child about the values and food skill practice and workouts
right now?
Week Five: Connection to Others
1. Look at your food and fitness values.
2. Think about a family member, a good friend, your coworkers, or a
community you’re a part of.
3. Journal topic (write for at least five minutes): How will it help you make
a difference for others if you approached your food, fitness, and body
from a values perspective? How would it make a difference to approach
your relationships with them from the perspective of your values?
LIGHTNING ROUND: ONE-MINUTE DAILY REFLECTIONS
Many of my clients have found they do better by doing those reflections in
really short bursts—literally one minute each day.
They’ll pick any of the reflections daily and write for one minute—whatever
they think, whatever comes up.
Most of the research I’ve read has utilized weekly values reflections. But the
majority of the clients I work with do super short reflections almost every day.
The first benefit: If they do a one-minute reflection four or five days per week,
it seems to keep their values top-of-mind.
The second benefit: For many people, it’s easier to blurt out a one-minute
reflection, just whatever comes to mind. This develops into deep insight over
time. The additive effect of short reflections can sometimes be easier to manage
than trying to come up with something brilliant once a week or trying to carve
out five or more minutes in one sitting.
The one-minute versions work so well for my clients that in the future I’m
considering recommending those over the weekly reflections. Sometimes what
works in real life is slightly different from what’s been tested in research. Feel
free to try both for yourself and see which fits your life better.
If you go the one-minute route, you can still use the weekly prompts.
VALUES REFLECTION FOR LIFE
I hope you continue to journal about your values for the rest of your life. You
may gain insight into them over years. Or you may notice your expression of
your values changes over decades. For example, the value of “family” is
expressed in different ways at 12 years old than at 32 years old…to 52…to 72.
It’s the same value, but the actions you take to express it will be different.
Other places you can look for value reflection prompts:
People you really admire: What are their values? What actions do they take
that line up with their values? What obstacles did they have to overcome to
consistently express their values?
People in books and movies who inspire you: What are their values? What are
the actions they take in line with their values? What obstacles did they have to
overcome to consistently express their values?
EXAMPLE CLIENT VALUES LISTS
With so many things, I’ve found that giving you examples of values clients
have chosen before can help. Here are some values my clients have recently
chosen for themselves:
Adventure, calm, caring
Creativity, fun, peace
Consistency, connection, self-compassion
Gentleness, honesty, and caring
Discipline, wellbeing, persistence
Creativity, curiosity, wisdom
Curiosity, persistence, and trustworthiness
Humor, persistence, and forgiveness
Balance, growth, knowledge
Family, loyalty, determination, strength
Perseverance, balance, family
Legacy, improvisation, intelligence
Balance, joy, and choice
The values people choose often sound drastically different from how people
normally approach diets and crushing workouts. You’ll notice they can apply to
multiple areas of your life, not just fitness. If you approach your food skill
practice from that place, you’ll probably hit all your fitness goals. Lastly, you’ll
see the way you approach food and fitness will be an expression of the person
you want to be, what you stand for, and what matters to you.
PARENTING AS A METAPHOR FOR VALUES
People don’t set a goal to get their kids to 18 years old, and then the job will be
done.
You don’t have a couple tough days parenting and think, “I’ll just start again
next week.” Or “You kids have to fend for yourself; I’m going to try again in
January.”
You don’t parent when it’s exciting and stop when it’s hard.
Parenting doesn’t have an end date. You’re a parent for life, even though how
you express being a parent changes drastically every decade.
Interestingly, parents score lower on reports of fun, comfort, and pleasantness
in life, and score higher on meaning in life. It’s not that it’s easier or more fun—
it’s that it really matters to them.
Let’s look at how you can take that approach to your values in fitness:
Your lean and strong values are a direction. They don’t have an end
date.
Your lean and strong values are your values on days when it you feel
motivated and they’re still your values on days you don’t feel motivated.
Your lean and strong values are your values because they matter to you,
not because they’re more fun.
EMERGENCY ROOM DOCTOR AS A METAPHOR FOR
VALUES
As we talked about earlier, emergency room doctors don’t set a goal for how
many people they’re going to save each day (that would be super weird). They
get up and save as many lives as they can, because it’s who they are.
If someone dies in the emergency room, they don’t throw up their hands and
say, “I’ll just start again next week.” They don’t let everyone else die that night
because “I’m a perfectionist.” If something bad happens, they go to the next
patient and again do their best.
They don’t do it when it’s exciting and stop when it’s hard. People’s lives are
on the line—they do it when it’s exciting and when it’s hard.
Being an emergency room doctor doesn’t have an end date. The docs get up
and do it again tomorrow.
It’s a super difficult, super stressful, highly emotional job. They don’t do it
because it’s fun or comfortable; they do it because it matters to them.
Let’s look at how you can take that approach to your values in fitness:
Your lean and strong values are a direction. They don’t have an end
date.
Your lean and strong values are your values even after you mess up.
Your lean and strong values are your values because they matter to you,
not because they’re comfortable or easy.
THE ULTIMATE BLACK BELT LEVEL OF VALUES WORK
We now have all these eating skills for you to work on. We have all these
workouts. The majority of my clients find, whichever values they personally
identified, the eating skills and workouts match their values. That’s pretty
awesome.
The eating skills give them a way to live their values, in action, in their lives.
The workouts give them a way to live their values, in action, in the gym.
In essence, I’ve given you a ton of structure to live your values. Structure is
super useful for having a place to start, for learning and developing skills.
It isn’t the ultimate end, though. The ultimate end is always flexibility. The
goal is to be able to freestyle.
My highest-level clients get to a point where they don’t always need to be
practicing specific skills. Instead, they’re practicing making decisions from their
values.
If they value longevity, they can use that value as a way to make decisions
about any meal, any balance of food, or any treat in the moment. If they value
longevity, they can immediately discard workout programs that are clearly too
much or too stupid. If they value longevity, they can always find what’s smart
and reasonable in a program, and discard things that are extreme, dangerous, and
short-sighted.
At first, this higher level has a cost. That cost is thinking. It takes more energy
to make decisions. This is also a fairly high level of decision making.
I get it; people don’t want to make every decision based on: “How does this
meal express who I want to be as a person?” But if you make some decisions
from there, it’s amazing how good you can get at it.
People tend to find out really cool things, like:
Sometimes I want to have a glass of wine on the back porch after a long
day. Most of the time, I want to read, or sit quietly, or go for a walk, or
hug a pet. Sometimes I want to eat the slice of cake. In fact, I wouldn’t
be the kind of person I really want to be if I didn’t have a slice of cake
on my birthday. It fits my values to have cake on my birthday. It’s the
kind of example I want to set for my kids to have cake on my birthday.
It doesn’t fit my values to eat so much cake that I feel gross and have
trouble sleeping because “it’s a free day.” That actually doesn’t fit my
values.
All of a sudden, the continuum from “clean” to “dirty” food starts to seem
ridiculous. Most people know it doesn’t fit their personal values to have treats all
the time, nor does it fit their values not to have them at all.
You get to sort it through…from your values.
THE WORK AND THE MISTAKES
This is work.
It’s also the most important work you will ever do for your health and fitness.
When you’re clear about who you want to be with food, you have a filter for
making decisions about food and fitness. You have a true north.
You’ll totally make mistakes, and you’ll learn. It’s wonderful to try something
and upon reflection, realize you went too far one way or the other. It’s okay to
find out you made a call based on your values and accidentally ate too little…or
too much. It’s okay to have a treat for a special day, and later realize it sucked.
It’s okay to realize you missed your grandma’s special pie, and that next time
you’ll have it.
This kind of trial and error is the best way to test your values in action.
The journaling and the reflection on your values is really, really valuable.
It’s just as valuable to try making decisions from those values in real life.
What you’ll learn from trying it out will be everything. Living from your
values requires practice. Learn by doing.
The cycle of reflection and practice is huge.
Don’t make the mistake of practice without reflection.
Don’t make the mistake of reflection without practice.
You need both. Practice, then reflect.
Then practice some more. Then reflect again.
ACCEPTING THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS
“The desire for more positive experience
is itself a negative experience.
And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a
positive experience.”
~ Mark Manson
The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck
“Don’t erect a wall to protect you from experiencing life. The same wall that
keeps out your disappointment also keeps out the sunlight of enriching
experiences.
So let life touch you.”
~ Jim Rohn
LASTING WEIGHT LOSS WITH THIS ONE WEIRD TRICK!
The internet is littered with stupid articles saying you can lose weight fast with
one weird trick. It’s always something stupid like some magically wonderful
cleanse you need to drink, or some magically evil food you need to avoid. If
there’s anything to avoid in weight loss, it’s that kind of magical thinking.
THE WORK AND THE MISTAKES
This is work.
It’s also the most important work you will ever do for your health and fitness.
When you’re clear about who you want to be with food, you have a filter for
making decisions about food and fitness. You have a true north.
You’ll totally make mistakes, and you’ll learn. It’s wonderful to try something
and upon reflection, realize you went too far one way or the other. It’s okay to
find out you made a call based on your values and accidentally ate too little…or
too much. It’s okay to have a treat for a special day, and later realize it sucked.
It’s okay to realize you missed your grandma’s special pie, and that next time
you’ll have it.
This kind of trial and error is the best way to test your values in action.
The journaling and the reflection on your values is really, really valuable.
It’s just as valuable to try making decisions from those values in real life.
What you’ll learn from trying it out will be everything. Living from your
values requires practice. Learn by doing.
The cycle of reflection and practice is huge.
Don’t make the mistake of practice without reflection.
Don’t make the mistake of reflection without practice.
You need both. Practice, then reflect.
Then practice some more. Then reflect again.
ACCEPTING THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS
“The desire for more positive experience
is itself a negative experience.
And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a
positive experience.”
~ Mark Manson
The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck
“Don’t erect a wall to protect you from experiencing life. The same wall that
keeps out your disappointment also keeps out the sunlight of enriching
experiences.
So let life touch you.”
~ Jim Rohn
LASTING WEIGHT LOSS WITH THIS ONE WEIRD TRICK!
The internet is littered with stupid articles saying you can lose weight fast with
one weird trick. It’s always something stupid like some magically wonderful
cleanse you need to drink, or some magically evil food you need to avoid. If
there’s anything to avoid in weight loss, it’s that kind of magical thinking.
That being said, I have a remarkably simple and obvious thing for you to do to
create easier and more lasting weight loss forever—to have a better life.
It sounds really silly, but motivation science shows that when we have more
meaning, better relationships, and do things that are more engaging, we are more
intrinsically motivated to take care of ourselves.
Now, I know you probably already have a meaningful life and great
relationships, and do things that are engaging. So, this isn’t exactly about having
more of that. It’s about taking the things that make all of those things work and
applying them to your health and fitness. You want to connect meaning and
engagement and relationships to your fitness.
It’s odd we never think to take the things that work for us in every other great
areas of our lives and apply them to fitness. Instead, we have fitness pros telling
us to approach this from ways that are punishing and terrible. It’s not your fault
for not doing things that work in other areas of your life.
MATURITY AND IMMATURITY
Metacognition means “thinking about thinking.” It’s a higher level of maturity.
It’s immature to assume every thought is true, should be positive, and is a
command. It’s very mature to be able to notice your thoughts as thoughts often
being automatic echoes from other people or from your past.
Low-level, Immature Thinking:
My thoughts are true.
My thoughts are me.
My thoughts are urgent commands.
My thoughts are all helpful.
I need to control my thoughts.
I need to control my emotions.
High-level, Mature Thinking:
Sometimes it’s unhelpful to evaluate if a thought is true or false.
Some of my thoughts come from me; some are from other people; some
are from media and society, and many are from diet culture.
My thoughts are just thoughts.
Some thoughts are helpful, and some thoughts are unhelpful.
It’s normal to have wanted thoughts and unwanted thoughts.
It’s normal to have helpful thoughts and unhelpful thoughts.
It’s normal to have positive emotions and negative emotions.
If I control my thoughts, they’ll usually rebound into emotional eating.
If I control my emotions, they’ll usually rebound into emotional eating.
I can always take action toward what matters to me, regardless of my
thoughts.
I can always take action toward what matters to me, regardless of my
emotions.
ACCEPTANCE IS NOT CONTROL
We covered a lot of this in the section on defusion, but here’s a quick review.
For people who have low or moderate issues with cravings and emotional
eating, changing and controlling thoughts works, but for people with bigger
issues with cravings and emotional eating, thought control and changing
thoughts makes things worse. If you struggle with cravings or emotional eating,
you’ll have significantly bigger rebound eating.270,271,272,273
Thought and emotion suppression just doesn’t work for anyone. Suppressing
cravings leads to a huge eating rebound.274
In long-term behavioral weight-loss trials, acceptance has always been as
effective,275 or more effective, than standard treatments including controlling and
changing thoughts. For people with more external eating (you want food if you
see it), emotional eating, or cravings eating, acceptance is clearly more effective.
276,277,278
Those results hold up even at two-year follow-ups.279
The big takeaway is this—if you have a friend who does really well with
thought control, cool; it totally works for some people. If you always rebound
after thought control—you aren’t alone—acceptance will work significantly
better for you.
If control hasn’t worked for you in the past, more control isn’t the answer. Try
going the opposite way and using acceptance.
IT’S LAZY TO LABEL ALL FEELINGS AS “FAT” OR
“STRESS”
It’s mature to be accurate about the feelings you’re having. You may look at
yourself in the mirror and have really hard feelings like disgust, disappointment,
frustration, or loneliness. But those are actual emotions, distinct and more
accurate than “fat.”
You may have physical sensations like feeling bloated, but that’s also not
“feeling fat.” Everyone experiences a gross feeling when they’re bloated. That’s
called “feeling bloated.” It’s a physical sensation, not an emotion. When you feel
bloated, you should expect not to feel awesome and not feel great in your
clothes. It’s like having a headache—no one feels great when they have a
headache, but they don’t mistake it for “feeling fat.”
When you have emotions, like sadness, disgust, loneliness, anger, fear, or
frustration, you can check in:
Are these thoughts coming from idealized body standards or diet
culture?
Are these thoughts coming from me feeling out of alignment with my
personal values?
Is it a combination of both?
If it’s from some sort of diet culture or idealized standard, remember, in our
diet obsessed culture, it’s normal to have those thoughts. We’re surrounded by
this input from both friends and media; it would be weird not to have these
thoughts sometimes, similar to how we’re constantly surrounded by ideas about
how we should be more successful.
It’s normal to have those thoughts.
It’s mature to notice them as thoughts
and recognize where they came from.
If it’s that you’re out of alignment with your values, then:
1. Know it’s normal and okay to have those thoughts and feelings;
2. Remember you don’t have to change those thoughts and feelings;
3. The responsible thing to change is your actions.
ACCEPTING EMOTIONS IS NOT ACCEPTING SITUATIONS
A 2017 paper outlined three studies on acceptance and psychological health.
The first study had a really cool sample with 1,003 participants, both men and
women, multiple ethnicities, and a wide variety of socioeconomic backgrounds.
They found acceptance of thoughts and feelings robustly predicted wellbeing
and life satisfaction. They controlled for other explanations, measuring four
different factors of mindfulness, the ability to reevaluate thoughts, and even
baseline stress levels, and found acceptance predicted wellbeing
independently.280
The researchers also noted that acceptance of situations wasn’t required, only
acceptance of thoughts and emotions. That means a person could work to change
a situation (like working on eating skills and doing workouts) while still
accepting the thoughts and emotions.
They found that accepting thoughts and emotions reduced experiences of
sadness and stress. What’s even cooler, they found that acceptance didn’t change
other emotions like joy or contentedness. Essentially, they found acceptance was
all upside. They replicated the correlational results of the first study in a second
laboratory study, and then a third long-term (longitudinal) study, and the results
were consistent across all three.
JOY, SADNESS, ANGER, DISGUST, AND FEAR
The best example of accepting emotions comes from the Pixar movie, Inside
Out. In the movie, a young girl named Riley struggles with her feelings about
her parents moving to a new city. Most of the movie is set inside her head, with
the main characters being her feelings: Joy, Sadness, Disgust, Anger, and Fear.
The movie starts off with the very common assumption that joy is the “best”
emotion. This is the idea that more joy is better, and the other feelings—
especially sadness—are the “wrong” emotions to have. The crux of the hero’s
journey is Joy finding out she isn’t the right emotion—that a healthy person has
all of the emotions at one time or another. Sometimes we even have multiple
emotions at the same time, all mixed together.
The fun part of the movie is the interplay between the characters Joy and
Sadness. Joy, of course, we all love; she’s fun and great and adventurous and
exciting. On the other hand, Sadness has this amazing ability to connect people
and bond them together. And, being with Sadness actually makes the other
characters feel better.
I ask my “emotional eating” clients to watch that movie. Emotional eating, at
the base level, is predicated on the idea that people should be happy all the time.
Emotional eating is about numbing sadness, anger, disgust, and fear.
Acceptance is the ability to be with all of your emotions, not just those you
want. Sadness and anger are normal and healthy; humans aren’t built for
constant happiness. People who seem constantly happy are either being fake or
they’re on drugs. There’s no constant happiness in normal human physiology.
Normal and healthy is a balance of all the emotions. Normal people are happy
when things are awesome, and they’re sad when things are terrible.
It’s not about being Debbie Downer, where everything sucks all of the
time.
It’s also not about being that super fake and obnoxious fitness trainer
who’s pretending to be happy every minute.
The most common feedback I get after doing workshops or first sessions with
clients is about how upbeat and positive I am. I actually think my ability to be
authentically happy comes from my willingness to be sad. When I think about
my mom dying, I cry. When I think about trainers fat shaming clients, I get
angry. Sometimes while writing this book, I was really frustrated.
People often ask me: Josh, why do you talk so much about accepting sadness
when you seem so happy? In truth, it was when I became able to cry more that I
started laughing more. When I became able to feel and process anger in healthy
ways, I became able to feel peaceful. One way to think about it is that these are
two sides of the same coin.
Things aren’t that dichotomous, though. Sometimes you can feel multiple
things at the same time. You can feel things…and take actions totally unrelated
to your feelings. Emotions don’t work in perfect opposites; it’s more like they’re
just all part of the human experience.
The emotions in Inside Out were based on Paul Ekman’s six basic emotions,
which were later shortened to five for the movie, as “surprise” and “fear” ended
up being too similar as characters. There are also other models of emotion
mapping—for example, the feelings wheel shown on page 96.
In 2017, Alan Cowen and Dacher Keltner (who also consulted on Inside Out)
ran a study where they identified 27 discreet emotions: admiration, adoration,
aesthetic appreciation, amusement, anger, anxiety, awe, awkwardness, boredom,
calmness, confusion, craving, disgust, empathetic pain, entrancement,
excitement, fear, horror, interest, joy, nostalgia, relief, romance, sadness,
satisfaction, sexual desire, and surprise.
However, the idea is less about having a perfect list of distinct emotions and
more about giving you a list to pick from. Often, clients who have a habit of
trying to numb emotions—whether through food or TV or social media—
initially have a hard time identifying them.
In every case, identifying an emotion makes it seem less urgent. It makes it
seem less like a thing that needs to be immediately fixed. Identifying an
emotion, like thought labeling, creates defusion, which we covered in detail on
page 91.
That defusion allows us to take different actions. We get to simultaneously
acknowledge and honor our emotions without being bullied by them.
Emotion menu based on the work of Cowen and Keltner:
Admiration
Adoration
Aesthetic Appreciation
Amusement
Anger
Anxiety
Awe
Awkwardness
Boredom
Calmness
Confusion
Craving
Disgust
Emphathetic Pain
Entrancement
Excitement
Fear
Horror
Interest
Joy
Nostalgia
Relief
Romance
Sadness
Satisfaction
Sexual Desire
Surprise
Labeling your feelings provides a bit of distance, a little perspective. The only
way out of difficult emotions is through. Identifying your emotions gives you the
ability to sit with them. You may plan some time for self-care to take care of
yourself. Or you may just accept that it’s normal to have emotions.
Emotional eating is about suppressing everything that isn’t joy. As you can see
in the menus and feelings wheels and the movie Inside Out, there are many
normal human emotions besides joy.
Your choice is to be completely driven out of control with emotional eating, or
learn to sit patiently with your emotions.
The feelings wheel, thought labeling, metacognitive meditation, or journaling
about your emotions are tools to help you get enough distance from your
thoughts that you can sit with them. They give you a higher-level thinking about
your thoughts.
Thinking about thinking gives you power.
BE CAPTAIN MARVEL
Captain Marvel is another great movie about emotions. For six years, her
mentor Yon-Rogg (played by Jude Law), told her she had to control her
emotions. He was constantly telling her he’s trying to make her the “best version
of herself,” and that requires keeping her emotions in check.
Captain Marvel (played by Brie Larson) starts the movie having tried—and
repeatedly failing—to do this.
Of course, over the course of the movie, she lets go of that. It’s a cool arc in
that her growth isn’t about learning something new or gaining some skill; it’s
about returning to being herself. She connects with her friend Maria Rambau and
her daughter, whom she loves. She connects to her values and doing what she
thinks is right. And she connects back to her emotions.
Captain Marvel is able to feel her feelings and she’s able to do the things that
matter to her. Ironically, several characters attempt to bait her into doing stupid
things over her emotions, and she never takes the bait, especially in one of the
climactic fight scenes. She never made a bad decision based on her emotions. At
every point she makes the decision that best fits her values.
She was vulnerable and she was strong. She was kind and she was courageous.
She cared and she was brave. She felt her emotions and she made smart
decisions. That’s being a superhero.
Be like Captain Marvel: She felt her feelings, and she took actions in line with
her values. You can do both.
GRIT AND EMOTIONAL EATING
Grit is the ability to feel emotions, and take actions that matter to you anyway.
We’re often told grit is suppressing emotions, changing emotions, having the
“right” emotions, or having no emotions. It’s not any of those. You might have
heard courage isn’t the absence of fear; courage is acting in the presence of fear.
Grit is like that.
And that’s the key to working through emotional eating. Once people know
they’re okay having all the emotions and thoughts, it frees them up to take
completely new actions even in the presence of those thoughts and emotions.
They do more work. They get more practice. That’s why they hit their fitness
goals.
The skill of accepting all emotions is tightly related to the skill of doing better
work, more work, and more consistent work. That’s grit.
ACCEPTANCE REDUX
RIGID/CONTROL
(DON’T DO
THIS)
Try to suppress
thoughts
FLEXIBILITY/DEFUSION
(DO THIS)
Noticing thoughts as thoughts, and letting them come
and go in their own time. Practice your eating skills,
even in the presence of hard thoughts—the same
way you go to work on Monday morning, even if you
think, “I don’t want to.”
Try to suppress
emotions
Think of thoughts like the weather, knowing
sometimes it’s rainy, and sometimes it’s sunny. We
can’t control emotions like we can’t control the
weather; they both change on their own, and it’s
okay.
Try to change “bad”
thoughts
to “good” thoughts
Use a metaphor like monsters on the bus. Know
passengers (thoughts) get on and off the bus all the
time. Your job is just to drive the bus. Sometimes
monsters (“bad” thoughts) get on the bus, and our job
is just to let them ride. Continue driving to our goals
and values, regardless of which passengers
(thoughts) get on and off.
Try to be happy all of
the time
Think about the movie Inside Out, and all of the
different emotions (joy, sadness, disgust, fear, and
anger) she had within her. It was healthier for her to
express joy sometimes and express sadness other
times—they both had a place in her life.
Try to suppress
cravings for certain
foods
Remember it’s normal to crave highly palatable
foods, and cravings come and go. Re-engage with
the eating skills you’re practicing, or with your work,
or with the people you’re with. Engage in what’s
going on right now, even in the presence of cravings.
Eat to numb out hard
emotions
Use a feelings wheel to name which feelings you’re
feeling. Journal about your feelings. Then continue to
practice your eating skills, even in the presence of
hard emotions.
Eat to manage stress
Remember it’s normal to want to use food when
feeling stressed. It’s okay to let those feelings come
and go. You can accept that stress is normal, and
wanting to eat is normal, and then not eat. Or you
can do some other activity that fits your values, like
going for a walk to give yourself a break, then come
back to doing what you have to do.
COMMITTED ACTION
As covered earlier, committed action is the pair to accepting thoughts and
feelings. Committed action allows us to change our behaviors—increasing food
skill practice, getting in our workouts, and taking whatever other actions fit our
values.
Here is where we do what matters to us even when it’s hard and even in the
presence of unwanted thoughts and uncomfortable feelings. Sometimes people
get caught up in the accepting part without adding the action part—but we need
to do the actions that matter to us.
This whole book is about committed action toward all the skills and guidelines,
all the Meta-skills, and all the workouts. The game we’re playing is to get in the
frequency of those practices that fit our values. Every page is about what actions
to take and strategies for being successful with those actions.
Remember: Everything comes down to frequency of practice.
We don’t do values reflections just because it’s a fun journal exercise.
We do values work so we can take committed action in line with our
values.
We don’t build skills without any context. We build skills so we’re
effective in taking committed actions in line with our values.
We don’t just pay lip service to connection. We commit to taking actions
in our relationships that are in line with our values.
We don’t accept our thoughts and feelings just because it allows us to be
a healthy and complete human. We accept our thoughts and feelings so
we can take actions that are in line with our values, even when they’re
really hard.
The Wise Five aren’t an entirely cerebral exercise. The Wise Five always have
to come back to action.
YOU HAVE THE CRITIC AND YOU ARE THE FIGHTER
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man
stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
“The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is
marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes
short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming;
but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the
great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in
the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at
least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold
and timid souls who neither
know victory nor defeat.”
~ Theodore Roosevelt
That quote from Teddy Roosevelt perfectly sums up the interplay between
accepting thoughts and emotions and taking committed action if we look at it in
an unconventional way. We just need to see we’re both the critic and the man or
women in the arena.
If you’ve ever done anything difficult, you’ve met your inner critic, where you
felt all the thoughts about doubt, all the concerns, and noticed all your failures.
In anything you’ve ever been successful at, you’ve also been the person in the
arena—striving and persisting through all the ups and downs and things going
well or not going well.
Emotional eating is how we try to silence the critic. The biggest problem is our
unwillingness to hear the critic, our desire to control the critic, and the fact that
we can’t accept that all humans have an inner critic. We’ve been sold the lie that
successful people don’t have an inner critic.
We need to learn to notice the critic as what he is—just a critic. The critic
criticizes—that’s his job. Having an inner critic is simply part of being human.
In relation to eating skills and working out, our inner critic comes entirely from
the diet world. With all the dieting and body shaming messages we’ve heard in
our lives, everyone has that critic.
Sometimes we hear the critic’s voice booming through the speakers and across
the arena. Sometimes we make the mistake of thinking the critic is our own
voice, or we make the mistake of worrying the critic is telling the truth. We
wonder if the critic is our coach giving us commands. Of course, the critic is
none of those; the critic is simply the critic, saying things that are unhelpful.
Truly, the critic does not count. The credit does go to the man or woman in the
arena. No matter how loudly the critic criticizes, we’re who gets to choose what
we do in the arena. We get to choose our actions, whether we’re going to listen
to the critic or listen to our values. We can strive for great deeds—we can dare
gtreatly; we can spend ourselves in worthy cause.
Our first job is to recognize the voice of the critic as the voice of the critic. Our
second job is to get to our practice in the arena in spite of what the critic says.
Our values, our skill practice, our relationships—all of the actions that matter to
us are in the arena. That’s where we make our stand.
VULNERABILITY, COURAGE, AND BRENÉ BROWN
Daring Greatly is one of my favorite books ever. Brené Brown based her book
on that Teddy Roosevelt quote. The book is about vulnerability and courage,
describing how they’re two sides of the same coin—that we can’t have courage
without being vulnerable.
These twin concepts, vulnerability and courage, are another great way to look
at accepting thoughts and feelings and committed action. Acceptance is
extremely vulnerable. It’s literally the courage to be with ourselves, exactly as
we are. Committed action is the courage to take action when it’s hard, and
braving the vulnerability of success and failure that comes with practice.
In Rising Strong, the same author talks about the “messy middle” of any great
story—the part where the main character is lost and struggling. Everyone wants
to skip to the end where the hero has everything figured out, but that’s not how
life works. We need the courage and vulnerability to push through that messy
middle.
Acceptance is about allowing your journey to be messy, like it always is in the
middle. Committed action means we continue to move forward in spite of the
messiness.
AVOID IMPOSSIBLE STANDARDS AND “I CAN DO IT ALL”
Red Light (stop)
Yellow Light (caution)
Green Light (go)
Reflecting and rating is a super helpful tool for my clients to evaluate their life
stress.
Red Light Life Stress—This is when your house burns down, you lose
your job, or a family member is in critical condition in the hospital. In
this case, working on eating skills and workouts might be completely
inappropriate. Just like a red light at a stoplight, when you see you’re at
a red light in your life, stop working on the stuff in this book. Handle the
stresses first.
Yellow Light Life Stress—This is when you have long hours or a big
project at work. Maybe your kids are sick or they have extra things you
need to drive them to and from. It could be you’re arguing with a family
member or close friend. In these times, it’s like seeing a yellow light:
Proceed with caution. You can still pursue your food skill practice and
workouts, but you might need to moderate it in light of everything going
on in your life.
Green Light Life Stress—This is when everything in your life is
awesome. Your relationships are great. Work is going great. Everyone is
healthy. You have a normal amount of free time. When you get a green
light in life stress, just like a green light when driving—go! This is when
you can rock out on your food skill practice and workouts.
This idea gives you a way to acknowledge how much is going on in your life.
You might notice you spend a fair bit of time in yellow. It’s a problem when we
act like we’re always in green, and we set up totally unrealistic expectations for
the kind of time and energy required and the possible progress of strength and
leanness.
When you’re in red, it’s appropriate to put all of this completely aside. I’ve had
clients who felt like they were “off their plan” or apologized for not practicing
when they had major life events. It’s good to acknowledge when it’s time not to
practice.
Some people find it useful to mark on the tracker when they’re in a yellow or
green light situation. The most important part, though, is just to note what’s
going on in your life, and adjust your practice accordingly.
This is a concept Dan John used in Intervention for consulting with athletes
about life stress that was adapted from the Navy’s medical readiness for
deployment assessment.
THE WISE FIVE AND BODY IMAGE
You don’t have to figure out if what you think about your body is true or untrue.
Either way, focusing on it excessively is the part that’s unworkable.
In our culture, it would be weird to love your body every minute—even with a
“perfect” body. We’re hit with too many messages telling us to fix ourselves and
about what’s wrong with us.
So, instead of trying to convince yourself you love your body every minute of
every day—
1. Notice thoughts about negative body image.
2. Remember those are normal in our body-obsessed culture.
3. Realize it’s unworkable to spin them over and over again.
4. Go do something that matters to you.
5. Seriously, go do something that matters to you, whether it’s connecting
with someone you care about, expressing yourself creatively, doing
work that matters to you, taking care of yourself, contributing to others,
or work on a skill you’re learning.
You need to have other things in your life that are important to you, that you
participate in, and you need to weigh those equally.
It’s simply unworkable to pin all of your self-worth on one external thing, and
focus on it all the time. Have other things you care about.
You can work on your fitness and not have it be your only sense of self-worth.
Similarly, people can work on a career and work toward getting a raise or a
promotion without basing their entire sense of self-worth on their income or job
title.
THE WAR OF BODY IMAGE
Imagine a battlefield with diet-world body hate on one side and body love on
the other. Imagine those two sides in a drawn-out, terrible trench warfare.
Sometimes body hate gains some ground; other times body love gains some
ground. Mostly, the fight just rages on, and neither side really wins.
The normal perspective is to get in there and fight. Try to figure out which side
is “right” or “true,” then fight for one side or the other, and try to change the
battle. You might find no matter which side you fight for, the war just starts up
again later.
The Wise Five perspective is just to notice the war. Step outside of it, like
you’re watching it on TV. You’re no longer surprised when it shows up because
it shows up all the time. You don’t have to pick a side; you don’t have to fight. If
you just let it do its thing, it’s just like having the TV on in the background.
Acceptance is when we know it’s normal for the war of body image to go on.
Instead of getting in and fighting in the war, simply let it be, like a war movie on
TV just going in the background. It’s actually fairly peaceful if you just let it be.
Committed action is knowing you can do all the things that matter to you in
your life, even if the body image war is sometimes on TV in the background.
You can still connect with your friends; you can practice skills for things that
matter to you, and you can be the kind of person you want to be.
The body image war will sometimes be on TV. Just let that go on in the
background while you focus on making your life bigger.
GROUNDHOG DAY
Groundhog Day is one of my favorite movies ever, because it’s about The
Wise Five.
Bill Murray’s character, Phil, starts off the movie doing The Wise Five. He’s
basically all about himself, and he tries to force Andie McDowell’s character,
Rita, to fall in love with him through status and contrived situations.
As the movie progresses and as he’s forced to relive the same day over and
over, he discovers he can’t engineer a way to make her love him. In Wise Five
lingo, that means he figures out he can’t control connection.
Instead, even though he’s forced to live the same day over and over, he
chooses not to be the same person each time. He starts to learn skills like ice
sculpting and playing piano; he learns about everyone in town; he really listens
to people. He starts to fix all the problems that happen in that town. He becomes
a really good person.
1. Values: In the beginning, he clearly values only status. By the end, he
values community and people.
2. Skills: He takes lessons and practices playing piano and ice sculpting.
3. Connection: In the beginning, he doesn’t care about or pay attention to
anyone else. By the end, he learns about everyone in town and finds out
what matters to them. He even organizes his day around helping people.
4. Acceptance: He goes through a period of intense despair, but eventually
he accepts his feelings. After that, he can spend his time practicing skills
that matter to him and taking care of people.
5. Committed Action: He tries out the day seemingly hundreds of
different ways. He catches the kid falling out of the tree even though the
kid never thanks him. He takes actions that fit his values even though he
knows they don’t make any difference, and he’ll have to start over every
day. He takes those only because they make up the kind of person he
wants to be.
Groundhog Day is a funny movie that pulls together all the elements of The
Wise Five in clever ways. As much as I love watching ’80s comedies just for the
sake of watching ’80s comedies, this one is secretly deep. If you want a cool
illustration of The Failure Five, it’s Bill Murray’s character at the beginning of
the movie. Then for a depiction of The Wise Five, it’s him at the end of the
movie.
WHO GETS RESULTS RAPIDLY?
The people who practice the skills and work out the most consistently
get the best results the fastest.
Ironically, the only people who are able to practice the most frequently
and most consistently are people who do higher-level work:
The Meta-skills: If/Then planning, values reflection, and
flexibility
The Ten Turning Points: Practicing excellence instead of
perfectionism, self-care instead of punishment, and goldilocksing
instead of doing too much
The Wise Five: Clarify your values, accept your thoughts and
feelings, commit to taking action even when it’s hard.
The people who want to hold onto their perfectionism suffer the most and have
the most weekly starts and stops. The people who don’t goldilocks based on the
red/yellow/green situations in their lives have more big failures and quit the most
often. The people who keep going back to dieting or who try to turn the
guidelines and skills into diet rules similarly have many time-consuming starts
and stops.
Most people do too much, take off like a rocket, and then repeatedly crash and
burn. People who do goldilocks their skills and workout practice so they’re
engaging do really well. Tailoring the skills to your current level helps you make
faster progress.
People who practice excellence do really well, and the people who embrace
The Wise Five do the best. Really, the people who just follow the program get
the fastest results. They are the people who embrace that it’s going to be new and
uncomfortable, and that they’re going to make mistakes and who get in the most
practice.
And the people who get in the most practice win.
Rapid results occur when you practice the skills and Meta-skills and embrace
the crucial Turning Points and The Wise Five. It’s the same as moving slowly
and steadily and just resisting it less.
But, of course, I don’t really care how long it takes you to build these into your
life. If it takes a while to practice through old habits and normal resistance, that’s
okay. As long as you’re making measurable progress in your skill and Meta-skill
practice, you’re doing awesome. It’ll all come together as your skills increase.
Similarly, if you’re reflecting on your Turning Points and your Wise Five, it will
all come together in time.
NERDY ESSAY ABOUT BODY ACCEPTANCE AND BODY
CHANGE
Thesis: You must look a certain way to have value. You’re not good enough.
The only legitimate goal is to change how you look.
Antithesis: You should have no goals or values around how you look. To
accept yourself completely, you must resist any desire to change.
Synthesis: Personal autonomy: Whatever you want for yourself—whatever fits
your personal values—is what matters. You may simultaneously accept yourself
and where you are, and also take actions that cause change.
The original construct of the fitness field was essentially that you don’t look
good enough, and fitness is about fixing that. Then, there was an equal and
opposite reaction in some movements of body positivity that you should
completely accept yourself, and any pursuit of change is betraying that
acceptance.
I’d argue for the middle:
Whatever you want, you can want. Don’t let people provide things for
you to want.
Acceptance and change, paradoxically, work really well together. We
now have a ton of evidence—specifically from research into contextual
behavioral sciences like ACT and DBT—that acceptance and change are
an effective combination.
THE BIGGEST LOSER WAS THE WORST THING TO
HAPPEN TO THE FITNESS WORLD
The Biggest Loser reinforced a cultural conversation that people who are
overweight should hate themselves and be constantly berated and punished into
losing weight.
It’s not that this doesn’t work. Clearly, from the results on the show, it worked
in a way. The problem with trying to “hate yourself” fit is the punishment and
berating needs to be nearly constant. You have to be locked on location
somewhere; otherwise the sheer horribleness of it will overtake you.
1. First, none of us are locked on a virtual island with people constantly
yelling at us. We will never have enough structure to make that work.
2. Second, that’s completely terrible. Even if it worked, the cost to your
quality of life is too high.
3. Third, we have a better way.
Ironically, people get more motivational mileage out of caring about something
than they do hating themselves.
NERDY, SCIENCY BACKGROUND
The “hating yourself” side of motivation falls into the two categories we talked
about at the beginning of this section: reward and punishment and contingent
self-esteem or guilt.
On the flip side, we have internalized values.
More practically, just think about it:
Do you take care of your kids because you hate yourself or
because you care about your kids?
Did you go to college because you hate yourself or because you
care about education?
Do you go to the doctor because you hate yourself or because you
care about health?
The whole idea that you’re supposed to hate your body so much you make it fit
is ridiculous. People do things they care about.
Do you take better care of your best friend or your worst enemy?
This isn’t a philosophical discussion about how we should take care of
everyone. Just, realistically, we take care of our good friends because we care
about them. We don’t do much for our worst enemies because we don’t care
about them.
Our bodies are the same: We take better care of them if we care about them.
I’M NOT ASKING YOU TO LOVE YOUR BODY
I’m not asking you to like your body more. I’m asking you to take care of it.
Punishing or hating yourself fit doesn’t work. Identifying what you care about
and learning how to take actions consistently with what you care about is the real
work of motivation.
The “punishment and hating your body” style of motivation doesn’t work for
very long. It’s certainly never worked long enough to get results. If that started
you on your journey to fitness, that’s fine, but it’s time to grow up. It’s time to
identify what you care about and take measurable actions consistent with those
things. Fitness is simply a matter of taking those actions—of taking care of
yourself.
That’s easier said than done, which is why the rest of the book is about the
skills, planning, turning points, and psychology of taking those actions.
DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU YOUR GOAL WEIGHT
People often ask what their goal weight should be. Sometimes they ask what
their “happy weight” would be. I resist answering those questions because it’s
not up to me to tell you what you should want. You should run from any trainer
or coach who tries to tell your goals.
Here’s a perspective that might be useful in sorting this out for yourself: Think
about your “values weight.” Instead of a number on the scale, think about a
frequency of acting in line with your values. You end up where you end up. Your
“values weight” is simply whatever weight you settle at when your actions—
your skill practice—are in line with your personal values. That’s it.
Consider all the things you value in your life.
Consider the kind of person you want to be.
Be that person.
Many people aren’t currently living in line with their values in relation to food,
and by simply pulling their actions in line with their values, they lose weight.
Getting leaner and stronger is often a natural byproduct of being the kind of
person you want to be. That’s a very, very cool way to approach this: being the
kind of person you want to be. Only you get to say who that is.
It’s important to remember you can’t do it all. And you can’t be perfect.
Clarifying your values means balancing your priorities.
Honestly, I could be bigger, leaner, and stronger if I didn’t write books or go
back to school to study psychology. But those things matter to me, and right now
they matter to me more than being three percent leaner. I mostly eat and work
out to maintain my sanity while I’m doing this much work. I’m acting in line
with my values—all of my values, including contribution, connection, and
education,
This is different for everyone. I’m sure you have commitments with family,
career, and community along with your values like strength and health. You need
to find your own balance. True up your actions to your values and your personal
balance. Being the person you want to be on a daily basis is a bigger goal.
DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU YOUR GOAL STRENGTH
Similarly, don’t let anyone tell you how strong you need to get. Don’t let
people set arbitrary goals for you. Most people reading this probably aren’t on a
professional sports team or are training for the Special Forces. Those people
have legitimate standards they have to meet. Most of us don’t.
We just need to determine our values. If the kind of person you want to be is
someone who values strength, you’re going to strength train. You probably value
intelligent planning and reasonable expectations, and you’re going to follow the
programs in this book. You probably care about progress, so you’re going to
track your weights, and make progress over time.
That’s actually enough. Look at your values. Take actions in line with your
values. You will absolutely get stronger. As strong as you are today, taking
actions in line with your values will get you as strong as you ought to be.
What’s the alternative? Taking actions that aren’t in line with your values?
Sure, you could do something stupid, like more volume or weight than you can
handle in an effort to force faster progress, but usually people doing that just get
hurt. The best you can do is smart programming, and then see where it takes you.
Focus on actions in line with your values. Show up for the kind of person you
want to be by doing the workouts. Focus on being the kind of person you want to
be, and see how that expresses itself in the weight room. You get to live your
values in your strength training, every session. You get to be the kind of person
you want to be, in action, in your workout today.
CREATE YOURSELF
I think it’s funny any time I read about someone “finding” themselves, because
it’s easier to create yourself from your values.
Similarly, whenever someone is going into an uncomfortable situation, people
often suggest, “Just be yourself.” I always found myself wondering what that
meant. Did it mean I was supposed to be uncomfortable and awkward?
In reality, “finding” or “being” yourself is simply clarifying your values and
acting in line with them. My biggest values include connecting with people and
making a difference. The funny thing is, I can be my same uncomfortable and
awkward self and still connect with lots of people, and make a difference. I can
accept I often feel awkward, and I can also take actions like speaking on stage in
front of 300 people, or coaching people every day because it’s important to me
to make a difference.
Similarly, you can have all the thoughts and cravings you have now and still
take actions in line with your values. You can be the kind of person you want to
be, even while being an imperfect human. There’s nothing to fix about you; you
just may have some values to clarify and some actions to change. You can do
those things, being the totally human you that you are.
We all have things we just sort of fell into. We have thoughts about ourselves
and what we’re capable of that we mostly got from other people. We have
concepts of what we should want out of life, mostly coming from TV. We have
all these things we do that are mostly just habit. That’s the “you” that you sort of
fell into.
You can create something else. Create yourself by clarifying your personal
values. That’s all there is to it—clarify your values, then start taking actions in
line with them.
Just don’t fall into the trap of your values or your best version of yourself
being some perfect, idealized, robot version of yourself. People always assume
their best version of themselves would be the one who’s able to meet all of
society’s standards for beauty, productivity, socializing, buying things, and
parenting…all at the same time.
That “everything all the time” is no one’s best self. That perfect person can’t
connect with people because no one else is perfect. Values are inherently flexible
and allow for your humanity and imperfections.
Allow yourself to be a human. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and the
normal shortcomings of being human. Take actions in line with your values as
often as possible, even in all of your humanity.
In those actions, you’re being the “you” that you created. Values don’t have a
beginning or an end. Any time you’re taking actions in line with your values,
you’re living your values. You can be the person you want to be—today. You can
be that right now. It’s not a far-off, someday, maybe thing. If you take actions in
line with your values right now, you’re living those values. You are being the
“you” that you created, right now, today.
Notice how your values in food and fitness expand out into the rest of your
life. Ideally, your fitness, the skills in this book, and The Wise Five all make it
possible for you to express yourself as the kind of person you want to be in your
life. Hopefully, it frees you up to be more engaged in your family, friends,
career, hobbies, and community. It’s predictable that these will become fully
integrated—it’s circular—such that your value-based engagement in other areas
of your life makes fitness easier too.
LEAN AND STRONG FOR LIFE DEPENDS ON THE WISE
FIVE
The Wise Five are simple to list, yet demand a lifetime of practice.
THE FAILURE FIVE
THE WISE FIVE
Reward or Punishment
Values
Self-esteem
Skills
Status
Connection
Suppressing Unwanted
Thoughts and Feelings
Accepting Thoughts and Feelings
Force “Motivated”
Thoughts and Feelings
Committed Action
They fall into a continuum:
CONTINUUM OF THE WISE FIVE
Trying to force and control selfdirectedness
Actual selfdirectedness
Opting out or
giving up
The Failure Five
The Wise Five
on selfdirectedness
The Unfulfilled
Five
We have enough evidence from three decades of research into Self
Determination Theory and contextual behavioral science to know pursuing The
Wise Five is an effective path to wellbeing. Practicing The Wise Five is the path
to increased intrinsic motivation to get lean and strong.
Similarly, we know pursuing The Failure Five reduces wellbeing. Practicing
The Failure Five reduces intrinsic motivation to eat well and work out.
The Wise Five is the highest view from which to look at your leanness and
strength. The Wise Five are the psychology of getting lean and strong. Often,
even the best books on habits and food still skip motivation science, and that
might be the missing piece for you.
The Wise Five are about making your food and fitness a meaningful part of
your life that add to all the other parts of life that matter to you.
CONCLUSION
There are five levels to Lean and Strong:
Don’t Diet
The first step is to stop doing things that don’t work
Eating Skills and Workout Skills
What skills to practice to get lean and strong
Meta-skills
How to practice the skills so your practice is successful each week
The Ten Turning Points
How to think about your skills practice so you don’t sabotage your results
every eight weeks
The Wise Five
Understanding intrinsic motivation and how it works
As mentioned in the beginning of the book, most diet books don’t take a big
enough view to actually make a difference for people. They start at dieting or
habits and they don’t even get that right.
However, you now have all five levels required for the behavior changes you
need to get lean and strong. It’s likely some of these levels are completely new to
you—that should be exciting! Now you have a complete system with all of the
tools you need.
You can look at it like this:
What not to do
Diet
What to do
The eating skills and workout skills
How
The Meta-skills
What to think
The Ten Turning Points
Motivation and behavior science
The Wise Five
Anytime you get lost with food, just come back to practicing the skills. When
it omes down to it, there are only four.
LISTEN TO
YOUR
BODY
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN MEALS
Notice when
getting full,
and stop when
full
Distinguish true hunger versus cravings,
boredom, tiredness, emotions, or
thoughts
Plate healthy and
USE A
Eat a balanced meal every four to six
balanced
hours, without snacking in between
GUIDELINE portions
Anytime you hit an obstacle, use The Meta-skills and The Ten Turning Points.
Make sure your leanness and strength practice is good for life with The Wise
Five.
You now have the most complete system currently available. You have the
most up-to-date research translated into a system. This might be the first time in
your life you have everything you need. It will be an exciting adventure to see
what new results you can get, how you build your relationship to your body,
your fitness and food changes, and how connecting your values to your practice
adds a new level of meaning to your leanness and strength.
Whatever matters to you, you have a system to take actions consistent with
that.
Being lean and strong is about being successful with your eating skills and
workout program. Being lean and strong should be a meaningful part of your life
that adds to and supports all the people and things you value, that you stand for,
and that matter to you.
THE REAL LEAN AND STRONG
There are multiple definitions of lean. The first, and most obvious, is that of
having a healthy and athletic ratio of muscle to fat. That’s likely the reason you
purchased this book, and you’ve been provided the tools to get that.
Importantly, though, lean has another definition: to be efficient, economical,
and agile in pursuit of your goals. While people often start this book with the
former, they finish it with the latter. Where people might initially struggle with
rigidness and perfectionism, a lean mind is marked by flexibility and selfcompassion.
Similarly, there are multiple definitions of strong. When people think of
working out, they think of strength in terms of physical power—the muscles’
ability to produce force.
By now, you might be seeing strength show up in other places. The word
“strong” can also be used to describe a person’s character, when he or she is
courageous, clear, and resilient.
In that way, being strong might be the ability to accept and be with your
thoughts and emotions. Being strong might boil down to being clear about your
personal values, and taking actions in line with your values even when it’s hard.
Lean: Being efficient, economical, and agile,
in pursuit of your goals
(The Ten Turning Points)
Strong: Doing what matters to you,
even when it’s hard
(The Wise Five)
A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
People who diets work for
This book was supposed to be a quick update to Fat Loss Happens on Monday,
but it grew into this monster. I realized pretty quickly that just new skills and
workouts weren’t going to be enough, that it would take looking at a few
different levels, like The Meta-skills and The Wise Five. I think it ended up
being complete, but I hope along the way it didn’t lose readability. I’m always
concerned that it’s a rare reader who makes it this far.
Similar to the first book, I started writing it back home, on the Central Coast of
California. I was lucky enough to take a few weeks off of client work, and hike
during the day and write at night. Some magical “ah ha” moments happen while
I’m hiking, but only if I’m writing 2,000—2,500 words per day in a flow.
There’s a little peninsula overlooking the estuary and the back bay near home.
Sitting on that bench was where I figured out I could organize all of this by skills
and guidelines, and by between meals and during meals. The next day, I threw
out most of what I’d previously written…and started over. I don’t know how
most people write, but it seems like I have to write about 60,000 words before I
can figure out how the book is supposed to work.
Months later, back in Denver, I was stuck on the book’s organization. At that
point, it was three sections: Lean, Strong, and Wise. But it just didn’t work. The
meat was in there, but it was a convoluted mess. I remember walking through the
snow in the neighborhood, all bundled up in my puffy jacket, wool hat, boots,
and gloves—tromping through the snow, looking at the Christmas lights, and
wondering if my book would ever come together. Then it just sort of hit me, and
I’m pulling off my gloves, dropping them in the snow, and frantically typing into
my phone, “The book has five sections: 1) Diet, 2) Skills, 3) Meta-skills, 4)
Turning Points, 5) Psychology.”
It went through a couple more iterations, but that quick note, with my fingers
turning blue and snow landing on the phone screen, pulled together the whole
book. Starting again, reorganizing everything, I had to constantly reminding
myself, this is what the work looks like in real life. Those flashes of inspiration,
while elating, usually mean doubling the work. It’s a glorious kind of suffering,
and I totally love it.
I think maybe there is something to that—the magic happens in the reflection
and the rest, but the magic only happens after a ton of work. That probably
applies to leanness and strength as well: Reflection matters a great deal, but it’s
also only useful after having done the work.
I’m pretty lucky, in that my coaching informs my writing, and my coaching
gets sharper by organizing it in writing. It’s circular, and I can’t imagine it any
other way. I’m really stoked that I get to do two things that make a difference for
people, and that I’ve practiced both enough to be pretty good at them.
One thing that isn’t circular: I’m an awesome listener. I kind of lament that I
can’t somehow translate that into this book for you because there’s a component
of my clients getting results that comes from me just listening to them in a way
where they can sort out what matters to them.
On one of the best days of my life, back in 2004, I realized I could make a
difference for people just by listening to them. Before that, making a difference
had always seemed like it would take amazing charisma or brilliant knowledge,
neither of which I had. But I could listen. Specifically, I could listen for what
mattered to people, and in the listening, they seemed to get clearer for
themselves…and that made a difference. Sometimes they didn’t work out their
concerns, but somehow it started to seem a little more okay, even though nothing
got fixed. I want everyone to know that any time they want to make a difference,
just listening to someone might be enough.
I wrote this book for people who wanted to get leaner and stronger, but I hope
it makes a difference in another way too. I hope to have some impact on the
fitness profession toward being kinder, more professional, and more effective.
The diet field, especially, can be a total dumpster fire. Or is it a cesspool? As
Dan John often reminds us, “We can do better.” It was my intention that the
delivery is kind; the references make it professional, and the organization is
effective.
I look at it like this—diets work for a small circle of people. My first book, Fat
Loss Happens on Monday, worked for a large circle of people. It’s my
experience that the tools in this book work for a significantly larger circle. There
are already enough people trying to create the optimal diet for the people in the
smallest circle. I think my job is to keep making the circle bigger.
POST CREDITS SCENE
This is going to be my favorite and most effective tool for managing emotional
eating, stress eating, and cravings. If you have issues with any of those, make
this tool the centerpiece of your food skill practice.
Okay, so I’m a huge nerd. I love Marvel movies. The best part, of course, is the
post-credits scene. That’s where you get a funny clip or a preview of what’s to
come as a reward through waiting through all the credits. It’s a solid Easter egg
for the real nerds, like after the first Avengers movie, where we first got a
glimpse of Thanos, who would almost a decade later appear in Infinity War and
Endgame.
This is the post credits scene for Lean and Strong. It’s my clients’ favorite
defusion tool. The defusion tool is called “Let the Monsters Ride the Bus.” I like
it so much, I’ve joked about naming the upcoming book on emotional eating
after it. So, here you’re getting a really effective tool and a preview of the next
book.
This is an adaptation of the extremely popular ACT metaphor, “Passengers on
the Bus,” from Hayes, Strosahl, and Wilson’s Acceptance and Commitment
Therapy: An experiential approach to behavior change. Some version of this
metaphor has shown up in nearly every ACT book ever written because it’s so
elegant and efficient. Here’s how I like to explain it:
“Let the Monsters Ride the Bus”
Imagine you’re a bus driver. You’re driving your bus in the direction of your
values and goals. As you’re driving, you stop at stops and passengers get on and
off at different times. These passengers represent your thoughts, while the
driving represents your actions.
Sometimes, cool passengers get on the bus. These are really cool thoughts,
like, “Wow, I’m really feeling myself today!” or “Things sure are going well.”
They can also be emotions like joy, delight, peace, tranquility, determination, or
inspiration. These passengers get on and off the bus, in their own time and at
their own stops.
Other times, you stop at a stop and a monster gets on the bus. The monsters
can be thoughts like, “I feel fat,” or “This isn’t working,” or “I blew my diet.”
They can also be emotions like sadness, anger, frustration, or loneliness. They
can even be cravings for desserts, or treats, or getting seconds. The monsters also
get on and off in their own time and at their own stops.
When we get cool passengers, it seems easy to drive our route in the direction
of our values. The cool passengers make us feel good about our actions and it’s
really easy. If we just had these cool passengers forever, it would be pretty easy
to hit our goals.
When we get monsters, it seems hard to drive the bus. The monsters are always
yelling at us, and telling us to take unplanned turns away from our goals and
values.
Sometimes, we stop the bus and turn around to fight with the monsters, and try
to push them off of the bus. Of course, to fight with the monsters, it means we
stopped driving toward our goals and we’re facing the other way.
Other times, we don’t want to hear the monsters yelling anymore, so we eat
food until we sort of numb them. This is a pretty big turn away from our route—
we’re driving the opposite direction of our goals and values. But food is really
effective at numbing and turning down the volume, and of course, if we eat to
handle the monsters, it turns into a lot of extra eating.
The mistake people make is thinking they need to fight the monsters or eat to
numb them. People have been taught they need to fight the monsters. For many
people, fighting the monsters doesn’t work. Not only are they stopped and not
driving toward their goals, but it also seems like the more they fight the
monsters, the bigger the monsters get. The next thing they know, they find
themselves eating to numb them.
The fix is hard and counterintuitive, but it is also extremely effective:
Let the monsters ride the bus.
What no one tells you is that you can continue to drive toward your goals and
values even with monsters on the bus. The cool passengers get on the bus, ride
for a while and get off…and the monsters will also get on the bus, ride around
for a while, and then get off! They’ll all get on and off in their own time. Our
only job is to continue driving the bus toward our values.
I don’t know who originally added “monsters” to the “passengers on the bus”
metaphor, but I totally love it.
My big addition to the metaphor is the word LET. “Let the Monsters Ride the
Bus” makes a huge difference because everyone misunderstands this metaphor
the first time they hear it. People have heard they’re supposed to fight the
monsters so many times that even after hearing a metaphor about not fighting
them, they still assume they’re supposed to fight.
When people embrace letting the monsters ride the bus, they find they have a
really powerful tool for taking actions in line with their values, consistently, even
when it’s hard. This is a master key for working with cravings and emotional
eating.
The way to use this metaphor is simple: When you have cravings or
uncomfortable thoughts that make you want to eat to fix them, imagine those
thoughts as monsters. Practice taking actions in line with your values even while
you let the monsters ride the bus.
Using the metaphor—imagining the thoughts as monsters—is a defusion
technique. Letting them ride the bus is acceptance. Imagining the thoughts as
monsters gives you the distance you need to make new choices, and take new
actions.
Defusion is a skill, and skills require practice. It’s a higher-level skill, and
might require lots of practice. Many people report that practicing defusion
actually makes their cravings worse for the first couple of weeks they try using
it. That’s okay, because we aren’t trying to make the cravings go away; we’re
trying to practice your skills in spite of cravings. We’re trying to let the cravings
“ride the bus.”
Some people struggle with visualization and imagining metaphors. If that’s
you, that’s okay. You can do just as well by labeling your thoughts “thought
monsters” or “your inner critic.” You might even say to yourself or write in a
journal, “I notice I’m having the thought that ______________.” These are all
ways to create defusion—that distance—from your thoughts. Even if you have
trouble seeing it, it’s effective just to label them “monsters.”
After a few months of practice, many clients report that this skill completely
changed their lives in relation to food. Nothing will ever be the same for them,
as long as they live. It gets easier and becomes more natural to use this skill at
three months, six months, and a year, and people see dramatic differences in
their weight because of it.
Put “Let the Monsters Ride the Bus” on your food skill tracker. Then track
every time you use the metaphor by imagining your unwanted thoughts,
cravings, or emotions as monsters. Track it; it’s a practice.
The point of letting the monsters ride the bus is that you can keep driving the
bus toward your values.
Defusion means separating your thoughts from your actions. Imagine your
thoughts as monsters, but then keep driving. Driving could be practicing your
food skills; it could be going to the gym to do a workout, or it could be any of
the items on the self-care list.
Letting the monsters ride the bus is about freeing yourself up to drive: Go do
something that matters to you.
Josh Hillis
APPENDIX ONE
SKILL AND GUIDELINES TRACKER
APPENDIX TWO
WARMUPS
APPENDIX THREE
BEGINNING WORKOUT TRACKER
APPENDIX FOUR
INTERMEDIATE WORKOUT
TRACKER
APPENDIX FIVE
ADVANCED WORKOUT TRACKER
APPENDIX SIX
EXERCISE DESCRIPTIONS
REFERENCES
INDEX
APPENDIX ONE
EATING SKILLS AND GUIDELINES
BEGINNER: WEEKS ONE THROUGH FOUR
WEEK ONE
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
Put the fork down between
bites
Plating: Increase protein
Notice hunger for 30
minutes before a meal
Eat a meal every four to six
hours (no snacks)
WEEK TWO
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
M T W TH F SA SU
M T W TH F SA SU
Put the fork down between
bites
Plating: Increase vegetables
Notice hunger
for 30 minutes before a
meal
Eat a meal every four to six
hours (no snacks)
WEEK THREE
DAY:
M T W TH F SA SU
DURING
MEALS
Put the fork down between
bites
Plating: One serving of
carbohydrates
BETWEEN
MEALS
Notice hunger
for 30 minutes before a meal
Eat a meal every four to six
hours (no snacks)
WEEK FOUR
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
Put the fork down between
bites
Plating: One tablespoon of
fat
Notice hunger for 30
minutes before a meal
Eat a meal every four to six
hours (no snacks)
M T W TH F SA SU
INTERMEDIATE: WEEKS ONE THROUGH FOUR
WEEK ONE
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
Put the fork down between
bites
Plating: Increase protein
Eat a meal every four to six
hours (no snacks)
Wait ten minutes before
eating a snack
WEEK TWO
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
M T W TH F SA SU
Put the fork down between
bites
Plating: Increase vegetables
Eat a meal every four to six
hours (no snacks)
Wait ten minutes before
eating a snack
If:
Then:
WEEK THREE
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
M T W TH F SA SU
Put the fork down between
bites
M T W TH F SA SU
Plating: One serving of
carbohydrates
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
TURNING
POINT
Eat a meal every four to six
hours (no snacks)
Wait ten minutes before
eating a snack
If:
Then:
Practice excellence and self-compassion
WEEK FOUR
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
M T W TH F SA SU
Put the fork down between
bites
Plating: One tablespoon of
fat
Eat a meal every four to six
hours (no snacks)
Wait ten minutes before
eating a snack
If:
Then:
TURNING
POINT
Practice excellence and self-compassion
WISE FIVE
Values (list three)
INTERMEDIATE: WEEKS FIVE THROUGH EIGHT
WEEK FIVE
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
M T W TH F SA SU
Plate balanced meals
Check in with your stomach
mid-meal
Eat a meal every four
to six hours without snacking in
between
BETWEEN
MEALS Distinguish true hunger from
cravings, boredom, tiredness,
emotions, or thoughts
WEEK SIX
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
M T W TH F SA SU
Put the fork down between
bites
Notice when full, and stop
Eat a meal every four to six
hours without snacking in
between)
BETWEEN
MEALS Distinguish true hunger from
cravings, boredom, tiredness,
emotions, or thoughts
PLANNING
If:
Then:
WEEK SEVEN
DAY:
M T W TH F SA SU
DURING
MEALS
Plate balanced meals
Notice when full, and stop
Eat a meal every four
to six hours without snacking in
between
BETWEEN
MEALS Distinguish true hunger from
cravings, boredom, tiredness,
emotions, or thoughts
PLANNING
TURNING
POINT
If:
Then:
Engagement/flow/goldilocksing
WEEK EIGHT
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
Put the fork down between
bites
Notice when full, and stop
Eat a meal every four to six
hours without snacking in
between
BETWEEN
MEALS Distinguish true hunger from
cravings, boredom, tiredness,
emotions, or thoughts
PLANNING
TURNING
POINT
If:
Then:
Engagement/flow/goldilocksing
WISE FIVE Values (List three)
M T W TH F SA SU
INTERMEDIATE: WEEKS NINE THROUGH
TWELVE
WEEK NINE
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
Plate balanced meals
Notice when full, and stop
Distinguish true hunger from
cravings, boredom, tiredness,
emotions, or thoughts
Practice deliberate self-care
instead snacking
WEEK TEN
DATE:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
M T W TH F SA SU
M T W TH F SA SU
Plate balanced meals
Notice when full, and stop
Distinguish true hunger from
cravings, boredom, tiredness,
emotions, or thoughts
Practice deliberate self-care
instead snacking
If:
Then:
WEEK ELEVEN
M T W TH F SA SU
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
TURNING
POINT
Plate balanced meals
Notice when full, and stop
Distinguish true hunger from
cravings, boredom, tiredness,
emotions, or thoughts
Practice deliberate self-care
instead snacking
If:
THEN:
Weight loss comes from self-care
WEEK TWELVE
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
M T W TH F SA SU
Plate balanced meals
Notice when full, and stop
Distinguish true hunger from
cravings, boredom, tiredness,
emotions, or thoughts
BETWEEN
MEALS De-fusion from unwanted
thoughts, feelings, and
cravings
PLANNING
TURNING
POINT
If:
Then:
Weight loss comes from self-care
WISE FIVE Values (List three)
ADVANCED: WEEKS ONE THROUGH FOUR
WEEK ONE
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
Plate balanced meals
Wait ten minutes before getting
seconds
Distinguish true hunger from
cravings, boredom, tiredness,
emotions, or thoughts
De-fusion from unwanted
thoughts, feelings, and cravings
WEEK TWO
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
M T W TH F SA SU
Put down the fork between
bites
Notice that flavor enjoyment is
different from fullness
Notice and wait through
normal hunger 30 minutes
before eating
De-fusion from unwanted
thoughts, feelings, and
cravings
If:
Then:
M T W TH F SA SU
WEEK THREE
M T W TH F SA SU
DAY:
Eat without screens
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
TURNING
POINT
Practice five senses
mindfulness
while eating
Flexibility: Saying “yes”
sometimes and “no” other
times
De-fusion from unwanted
thoughts, feelings, and
cravings
If:
Then:
(pick one)
WEEK FOUR
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
Notice when full, and stop
Check in on fullness one hour
after eating
Self-care: coping, selfsoothing, fun activities, and
hobbies
De-fusion from unwanted
thoughts, feelings, and
cravings
If:
Then:
M T W TH F SA SU
TURNING
POINT
(pick one)
WISE FIVE
Values (List three)
ADVANCED: WEEKS FIVE THROUGH EIGHT
WEEK FIVE
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
Wait ten minutes before
getting seconds
Do something engaging
immediately after eating
Get engaged with what’s
going on right now
De-fusion from unwanted
thoughts, feelings, and
cravings
WEEK SIX
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
M T W TH F SA SU
Practice five senses
experience of the meal
Notice that flavor enjoyment is
different from fullness
Self-care: coping, selfsoothing, fun activities, and
hobbies
De-fusion from unwanted
thoughts, feelings, and
M T W TH F SA SU
cravings
PLANNING
If:
Then:
WEEK SEVEN
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
TURNING
POINT
Wait ten minutes before
having seconds
Do something engaging
immediately after eating
Get engaged with what’s
going on right now
De-fusion from unwanted
thoughts, feelings, and
cravings
If:
Then:
(pick one)
WEEK EIGHT
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
M T W TH F SA SU
Stop before eating too much
Do something engaging
immediately after eating
Self-care: coping, selfsoothing, fun activities, and
hobbies
M T W TH F SA SU
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
De-fusion from unwanted
thoughts, feelings, and
cravings
If:
Then:
TURNING
POINT
(pick one)
WISE FIVE
Values (List three)
ADVANCED: WEEKS NINE THROUGH TWELVE
WEEK NINE
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
Notice when full, and stop
Plate balanced portions
Distinguish between hunger
and stress
De-fusion from unwanted
thoughts, feelings, and
cravings
WEEK TEN
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
M T W TH F SA SU
Notice when full, and stop
Plate balanced portions
M T W TH F SA SU
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
Distinguish between hunger
and stress
De-fusion from unwanted
thoughts, feelings, and
cravings
If:
Then:
WEEK ELEVEN
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
TURNING
POINT
Notice when full, and stop
Plate balanced portions
Distinguish between hunger
and stress
De-fusion from unwanted
thoughts, feelings, and
cravings
If:
Then:
(pick one)
WEEK TWELVE
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
M T W TH F SA SU
Notice when full, and stop
Plate balanced portions
Distinguish between hunger
and stress
M T W TH F SA SU
De-fusion from unwanted
thoughts, feelings, and
cravings
PLANNING
If:
Then:
TURNING
POINT
(pick one)
WISE FIVE
Values (List three)
LIFETIME
WEEK ONE
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
WISE FIVE
Plate balanced portions
Notice when full, and stop
Eat a meal every four to six
hours, without snacking in
between
Distinguish between hunger
and stress
Values (List three)
WEEK TWO
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
M T W TH F SA SU
Plate balanced portions
Notice when full, and stop
Eat a meal every four to six
hours, without snacking in
M T W TH F SA SU
BETWEEN
MEALS
between
WISE FIVE
Values (List three)
Distinguish between hunger
and stress
WEEK THREE
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
WISE FIVE
Plate balanced portions
Notice when full, and stop
Eat a meal every four to six
hours, without snacking in
between
Distinguish between hunger
and stress
Values (List three)
WEEK FOUR >
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
WISE FIVE
M T W TH F SA SU
Plate balanced portions
Notice when full, and stop
Eat a meal every four to six
hours, without snacking in
between
Distinguish between hunger
and stress
Values (List three)
M T W TH F SA SU
HOW TO FIX SNACKING BETWEEN MEALS
WEEK ONE
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
M T W TH F SA SU
Put the fork down between
bites
Plate balanced portions
If I want a snack, I’ll wait ten
minutes
Distinguish hunger from
boredom, stress, tiredness, or
emotions
If: I get tired in the afternoon
PLANNING Then: I’m going to have some
black coffee
TURNING
POINT
VALUES
(LIST THREE)
Perfectionism versus excellence in practice
Reasonableness, strength, vulnerability
WEEK TWO
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
BETWEEN
MEALS
Eat enough at meals
Eat without screens
Eat a meal every four to
six hours
Wait until hungry, then eat
a meal
M T W TH F SA SU
PLANNING
TURNING
POINT
VALUES
(LIST THREE)
If: I get bored at work
THEN: I’m going to walk
for five mintues
Weight loss as punishment versus self-care
Reasonableness, strength, vulnerability
This is an example of a tracker set up specifically to fix snacking between
meals.
Not snacking between meals starts with making sure you’re getting enough
food and balanced macronutrients at meals. You’ll never fix snacking if you
chronically eat too little at meals. When trying to fix snacking, it’s actually better
to eat a little too much at meals. Snacks always add up to more calories than just
having solid meals.
Then, we want to make sure you hit psychological fullness—eating without
screens and putting your fork down between bites have both been shown to
reduce snacking. Researchers believe it has to do with the memory of eating.
Waiting ten minutes before having a snack is one of the most powerful ways to
break the habit of snacking. Our biggest issue is, we don’t put any space between
a craving and a snack, between stimulus and response. We get a craving; we
immediately eat.
If we give ourselves a little waiting time, often that alone is enough to break
the pattern. It can literally be that simple.
It also doubles as time to check in with ourselves to see what’s really going on.
That’s when we can distinguish between being actually hungry and eating a meal
versus just being tired, bored, stressed, or emotional.
HOW TO FIX GETTING SECONDS
WEEK ONE
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
M T W TH F SA SU
Put the fork down between
bites
Plate balanced portions
Wait ten minutes before getting
seconds
BETWEEN
MEALS Do some deliberate self-care
after eating
If: I want seconds
PLANNING
TURNING
POINT
VALUES
(LIST THREE)
Then: I’m going to remember I
always want seconds right after
a meal, but then I
feel full and satisfied ten
minutes later
Values versus goals
Self-care, self-awareness, courage
WEEK TWO
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
Eat enough at meals
Eat without screens
Wait ten minutes before getting
seconds
M T W TH F SA SU
BETWEEN
some deliberate self-care
MEALS Do
after eating
If: I want seconds
PLANNING Then: I’m going to leave the
table or kitchen and go do
something fun or relaxing
TURNING
POINT
VALUES
(LIST THREE)
Weight loss as punishment versus self-care
Self-care, self-awareness, courage
This is an example of a tracker set up specifically to fix grazing.
When trying to fix grazing or going back for seconds, it’s always better to
make one good-sized plate—make sure it’s enough. Then you’ll know you’ve
had enough, and there’s no reason to graze or go back for seconds.
Waiting ten minutes before getting seconds is simplest way to fix that. Note
that getting seconds requires eating enough at meals. You have to plate enough
that you don’t need seconds. Also, note that if you’re still hungry after ten
minutes, you should eat more.
The ten-minute trick gives you time to notice you’re full. Get up and do
something else instead of staring at more food. Everyone always wants to have
seconds. It’s normal to want seconds. Just go do something else. You’ll be
successful with this when you break the pattern of automatically getting seconds.
I can’t stress this enough: If you’re still hungry after 10 minutes, eat more. This
isn’t a magic trick to get you not to be hungry. If you need more food, eat it.
Then next time, remember you really need to plate more food to begin with. It’s
a learning experience.
Plating balanced portions goes with plating enough—set your food up in such
a way you’re actually getting the nutrition you need.
FILL-IN CUSTOM SKILL AND GUIDELINES
TRACKER
WEEK ONE
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
M T W TH F SA SU
You would fill in your
personal guidelines here
BETWEEN
MEALS
WEEK TWO
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
M T W TH F SA SU
You would fill in your
personal guidelines here
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
If:
Then:
WEEK THREE
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
You would fill in your
personal guidelines here
BETWEEN
MEALS
If:
M T W TH F SA SU
PLANNING
Then:
TURNING
POINT
WEEK FOUR
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
M T W TH F SA SU
You would fill in your
personal guidelines here
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
If:
Then:
TURNING
POINT
VALUES
(LIST THREE)
WEEK FIVE
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
M T W TH F SA SU
You would fill in your
personal guidelines here
BETWEEN
MEALS
WEEK SIX
DAY:
M T W TH F SA SU
DURING
MEALS
You would fill in your
personal guidelines here
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
If:
Then:
WEEK SEVEN
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
M T W TH F SA SU
You would fill in your
personal guidelines here
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
If:
Then:
TURNING
POINT
WEEK EIGHT
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
You would fill in your
personal guidelines here
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
If:
Then:
M T W TH F SA SU
TURNING
POINT
VALUES
(LIST THREE)
WEEK NINE
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
M T W TH F SA SU
You would fill in your
personal guidelines here
BETWEEN
MEALS
WEEK TEN
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
M T W TH F SA SU
You would fill in your
personal guidelines here
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
If:
Then:
WEEK ELEVEN
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
You would fill in your
personal guidelines here
M T W TH F SA SU
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
If:
Then:
TURNING
POINT
WEEK TWELVE
DAY:
DURING
MEALS
You would fill in your
personal guidelines here
BETWEEN
MEALS
PLANNING
TURNING
POINT
VALUES
(LIST THREE)
If:
Then:
M T W TH F SA SU
APPENDIX TWO
WARMUPS
You are going to have two kinds of warmups: general warmups and specific
warmups. The general warmups for beginner, intermediate, and advanced are
listed below. For any move that has two sides, the number listed is for each side.
BEGINNER WARMUP
360° Breathing
1x60 seconds
Quad T-Spine Rotations
1x8
Hip Flexor Stretch
1x8
Two-leg Dumbbell Hip Bridge
1x8
Goblet Squats
1x8
INTERMEDIATE WARMUP
360° Breathing
1x60 seconds
Quad T-Spine Rotations
8
Hip Flexor Stretch
8
Single-leg Dumbbell Hip Bridge
8
Bear Crawl
1x30–60 seconds
Specific warmups are done right before any particularly heavy exercise
ADVANCED WARMUP
360° Breathing
1x60 seconds
Bretzel
2x8
Bear Crawl
1x30 seconds forward
1x30 seconds backward
Kettlebell Swings
2x8
Specific warmups are done right before a particularly heavy exercise
Breathing is the foundation. It’s easy to get stuck in the habit of breathing into
your shoulders and chest, instead of your diaphragm. That primarily chest and
shoulders breathing is often a result of stress, and often can tighten up our
shoulders and hips considerably. Taking a minute to work on deep breathing will
increase your movement quality, prepare you to breathe properly doing your
workout. It also works as a transition time to get out of the possible stress of
work mode, kids mode, or errands mode, and get into workout mode. It’s a really
great minute to actually relax. Take more than a minute if you need more, and
feel free to take a few minutes of 360° breathing after the workout if you’d like.
After breathing, you’ll get into thoracic spine mobility, hip mobility, and
warming up your lower and upper body. It’s pretty short, and with the core work
right after, should be enough. For particularly heavy exercises, like deadlifts and
squats, you might want to do a specific warmup immediately before that
exercise.
SPECIFIC WARMUP INFORMATION
If you’re intermediate or advanced, and lifting fairly heavy, it makes sense to
do some specific warmup sets. For your warmup sets, you’ll do two sets of five
reps. The first set will be 50% of the weight in your work sets, and the second
set will be 75% of the weight in your work sets.
Note: I keep saying “percentage of the working weight” because I want to be
clear that, if you’re doing ten repetition sets that day, “100%” is 100% of your
ten-rep work sets for that day’s workout. I don’t want there to be any confusion
with people who are used to calculating weights off of their one-rep max, which
isn’t what we’re talking about here.
Specific Warmup
1x5 reps @ 50% of the weight for work sets
1x5 reps @ 75% of the weight for work sets
Work Sets
(the sets listed
on the workout card)
3x10 @ 100% of working weight
Example: 3 sets of 10 with a 200 pound Trap Bar Deadlift
Specific Warmup
1x5 @ 100 pounds
1x5 @ 150 pounds
Work Sets
(the sets listed
on the workout card)
3x10 @ 200 pounds
This is a way to get your body ready for that specific movement, without tiring
yourself out. Use half the reps of the work set for that phase, and a percentage of
your working weight, work up a little. If you’re feeling particularly tight on a
given day, or it’s cold outside, you might add another warmup set or two at 8590% of the working weight.
Don’t worry about getting the percentages just right, warmups sets don’t need
a lot of precision. Grab whatever the easiest combination of weights gets you
sort of close to those percentages.
The idea is just to get a couple of easier sets where you can:
Get your body ready for that specific movement
Work up to being ready for that specific work weight
Check in with your body, and see how it feels doing that particular
movement on that day
360° BREATHING
Finish
Start
Slightly press your low back toward the
Take a long, slow
floor
exhale
Breathe in through your nose
Feel the air fill up at your low back
Then the sides of your body
And then your belly
TWO-LEG DUMBBELL HIP BRIDGE
Finish
Start
Lower your hips
Flex your butt
Drive the dumbbell up to the ceiling
APPENDIX THREE
BEGINNER WORKOUTS
There are 12 workouts to do over the course of each month, so you’ll do about
three workouts per week.
The first page includes all of the “odd” workouts—1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11.
The second page has the “even” workouts—2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12.
You’ll flip the page every other workout to do the workouts in numerical order.
To be clear:
1. Do three workouts per week.
2. Do the workouts in numerical order: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…just like
counting.
It could look like:
1. Workout one on Monday
2. Workout two on Wednesday
3. Workout three on Friday
…and so on.
The actual days you do the workouts are unimportant, but try to avoid doing
two back to back if you can. That being said, doing two workouts on back-toback days is still better than skipping a workout.
Notice how the volume of work (the number of sets of each exercise)
increases over the course of the month. You’ll start off with two sets of
everything, and by the end of the month, you’ll be doing three or four sets of
everything.
All of the exercises are grouped either in supersets (two exercises back to
back) or trisets (three exercises back to back to back). Do all of the exercises in
that group, and then rest. In the trisets, the first two are strength exercises; the
third, in italics, is a mobility exercise.
For exercises that are single-arm or single-leg, the repetitions listed are to be
done on both sides.
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
BEGINNER—MONTH ONE, ODD WORKOUTS
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
BAND DEAD
BUGS
2x5
2x5
2x5
2x8
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
2x20
2x20
2x20
3x15
ROMANIAN
DEADLIFTS
2x20
2x20
2x20
3x15
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
SINGLEDUMBBELL
ROWS
2x20
2x20
2x20
3x15
GOBLET
SQUATS
2x20
2x20
2x20
3x15
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
1x10
2x10
3x10
4x10
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
BEGINNER—MONTH ONE, EVEN WORKOUTS
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
PALLOF
PRESSES
2x10
2x10
2x10
3x10
SINGLECABLE
ROWS
2x20
2x20
2x20
3x15
GOBLET
SQUATS
2x20
2x20
2x20
3x15
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
45° INCLINE
2DUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
2x20
2x20
2x20
3x15
ROMANIAN
DEADLIFTS
2x20
2x20
2x20
3x15
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
WALK
5–10
minutes
5–10
minutes
5–10
minutes
5–10
minutes
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
BEGINNER—MONTH TWO, ODD WORKOUTS
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
BAND DEAD
BUGS
2x8
2x8
2x8
2x10
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
3x12
3x12
3x12
3x10
ROMANIAN
DEADLIFTS
3x12
3x12
3x12
3x10
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
3x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
SINGLEDUMBBELL
ROWS
3x12
3x12
3x12
3x10
GOBLET
SQUATS
3x12
3x12
3x12
3x10
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
3x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
WALK
5–10
minutes
5–10
minutes
5–10
minutes
5–10
minutes
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
BEGINNER—MONTH TWO, EVEN WORKOUTS
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
PALLOF
PRESSES
2x10
2x10
2x10
3x10
SINGLE-ARM
LAT
PULLDOWNS
3x12
3x12
3x12
3x10
SPLIT
SQUATS
3x12
3x12
3x12
3x10
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
3x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
45° INCLINE
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
3x12
3x12
3x12
3x10
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
3x12
3x12
3x12
3x10
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
3x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
WALK
5–10
minutes
5–10
minutes
5–10
minutes
5–10
minutes
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
BEGINNER—MONTH THREE, ODD WORKOUTS
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
BAND DEAD
BUGS
3x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
4x8
4x8
4x8
4x5
SPLITSTANCE
DEADLIFTS
4x8
4x8
4x8
4x5
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
4x8
4x8
4x8
4x8
SINGLEDUMBBELL
ROWS
4x8
4x8
4x8
4x5
DOUBLE
KETTLEBELL
SQUATS
4x8
4x8
4x8
4x5
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
4x8
4x8
4x8
4x8
WALK
5–10
minutes
5–10
minutes
5–10
minutes
5–10
minutes
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
BEGINNER—MONTH THREE, EVEN WORKOUTS
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
PALLOF
PRESSES
2x10
2x10
2x10
3x10
SINGLE-ARM
LAT
PULLDOWNS
4x8
4x8
4x8
4x5
SPLIT
SQUATS
4x8
4x8
4x8
4x5
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
4x8
4x8
4x8
4x8
45° INCLINE
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
4x8
4x8
4x8
4x5
ROMANIAN
DEADLIFTS
4x8
4x8
4x8
4x5
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
4x8
4x8
4x8
4x8
WALK
5–10
minutes
5–10
minutes
5–10
minutes
5–10
minutes
APPENDIX FOUR
INTERMEDIATE WORKOUTS
There are 12 workouts to do over the course of each month, so you’ll do about
three workouts per week.
The first page includes all of the odd workouts—1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11.
The second page has the even workouts—2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12.
You’ll flip the page every other workout to do the workouts in numerical order.
It could look like:
Workout one on Monday
Workout two on Wednesday
Workout three on Friday
…and so on.
The actual days you do the workouts are unimportant, but try to avoid doing
two back to back if you can. That being said, doing two workouts on back-toback days is still better than skipping one.
Notice how the volume of work—the number of sets of each exercise—
increases over the course of the month. You’ll start off with two sets of
everything, and by the end of the month, you’ll be doing three or four sets of
everything.
All of the exercises are grouped either in supersets (two exercises back to
back) or trisets (three exercises back to back to back). Do all of the exercises in
that group, and then rest. In the trisets, the first two are strength exercises; the
third, in italics, is a mobility exercise.
For exercises that are single-arm or single-leg, the repetitions listed are to be
done on each side.
Pushups are listed as “max reps.” This means to do the maximum number of
repetitions you can with perfect form. If your form breaks, stop. Or, if it’s easier,
you can think about it like stopping when you feel like you could do only one
more rep.
If you can’t do a pushup from your toes, you can do pushups with your hands
elevated, like on a bench, railing, or table. If you can do more than 20 pushups
for three sets, move to a harder pushup variation. If you need harder pushup
variations, check out spiderman pushups, archer pushups, band pushups, or
weighted vest pushups in my first book, Fat Loss Happens on Monday.
Assisted chin-ups can be done with a band as shown on page 334, or with an
assisted pull-up machine if your gym has one. If you aren’t ready for assisted
chin-ups, substitute chins with high cable rows.
The deadlifts in the intermediate program are all listed as trap bar deadlifts. If
you don’t have a trap bar, or if it’s your preference, feel free to use a barbell.
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
INTERMEDIATE LOW VOLUME—MONTH ONE, ODD WORK
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
BAND DEAD
BUGS
2x10
2x10
2x10
3x10
TRAP BAR
DEADLIFTS
2x10
2x10
2x10
3x10
PUSHUPS
2x
max
2x
max
2x
max
3x
max
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
SINGLECABLE
ROWS
2x10
2x10
2x10
3x10
SPLIT
SQUATS
2x10
2x10
2x10
3x10
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
1x10
2x10
3x10
4x10
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
INTERMEDIATE LOW VOLUME—MONTH ONE, EVEN WORK
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
PALLOF
PRESSES
2x10
2x10
2x10
3x10
ASSISTED
CHIN-UPS
2x10
2x10
2x10
3x10
DOUBLEKETTLEBELL
FRONT
SQUATS
2x10
2x10
2x10
3x10
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
75° INCLINE
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
2x10
2x10
2x10
3x10
ONEKETTLEBELL
COSSACK
DEADLIFTS
2x10
2x10
2x10
3x10
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
1x10
2x10
3x10
4x10
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
INTERMEDIATE LOW VOLUME—MONTH TWO, ODD WORK
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
KETTLEBELL
DEAD BUGS
2x12
2x12
2x12
3x12
DUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
2x20
2x20
2x20
3x20
SINGLE-LEG
DUMBBELL
HIP BRIDGES
2x
10–20
2x
10–20
2x
10–20
3x
10–20
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
GOBLET
SQUATS
2x20
2x20
2x20
3x20
DUMBBELL
BENT-OVER
ROWS
2x20
2x20
2x20
3x20
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
:30 work
:30 rest
x2 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x3 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x4 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x5 minutes
x5 minutes
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
INTERMEDIATE LOW VOLUME—MONTH TWO, EVEN WORK
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
HORIZONTAL
CABLE
ROTATIONS
2x12
2x12
2x12
3x12
SINGLE-ARM
LAT
PULLDOWNS
2x20
2x20
2x20
3x20
WALKING
LUNGES
2x20
2x20
2x20
3x20
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
45° INCLINE
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
2x20
2x20
2x20
3x20
ROMANIAN
DEADLIFTS
2x20
2x20
2x20
3x20
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
:30 work
:30 rest
x2 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x2 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x4 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x4 minutes
x6 minutes
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
INTERMEDIATE LOW VOLUME—MONTH THREE, ODD WORK
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
BALL BODY
SAWS
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
TRAP BAR
DEADLIFTS
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
SINGLE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
FLOOR
PRESSES
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
DOUBLECABLE
ROWS
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
REAR-FOOTELEVATED
SPLIT
SQUATS
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
20
20, 15
20, 15,
10
20, 15,
10, 5
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
INTERMEDIATE LOW VOLUME—MONTH THREE, EVEN WOR
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
PALLOF
PRESSES
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
ASSISTED
CHIN-UPS
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
BARBELL
BACK
SQUATS
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
75° INCLINE
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
SPLITSTANCE
DEADLIFTS
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
20
20, 15
20, 15,
10
20, 15,
10, 5
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
INTERMEDIATE MEDIUM VOLUME—MONTH ONE, ODD WOR
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
BAND DEAD
BUGS
2x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
TRAP BAR
DEADLIFTS
2x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
PUSHUPS
2x
max
3x
max
3x
max
3x
max
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
SINGLECABLE
ROWS
2x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
SPLIT
SQUATS
2x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
1x10
2x10
3x10
4x10
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
INTERMEDIATE MEDIUM VOLUME—MONTH ONE, EVEN WOR
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
PALLOF
PRESSES
2x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
ASSISTED
CHIN-UPS
2x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
DOUBLEKETTLEBELL
FRONT
SQUATS
2x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
75° INCLINE
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
2x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
ONEKETTLEBELL
COSSACK
DEADLIFTS
2x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
1x10
2x10
3x10
4x10
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
INTERMEDIATE MEDIUM VOLUME—MONTH TWO, ODD WOR
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
KETTLEBELL
DEAD BUG
2x12
3x12
3x12
3x12
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
2x15
3x15
3x15
3x15
SINGLE-LEG
DUMBBELL
HIP BRIDGES
2x15
3x15
3x15
3x15
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
GOBLET
SQUATS
2x15
3x15
3x15
3x15
DUMBBELL
BENT-OVER
ROWS
2x15
3x15
3x15
3x15
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
:30 work
:30 rest
x2 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x2 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x4 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x5 minutes
x6 minutes
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
INTERMEDIATE MEDIUM VOLUME—MONTH TWO, EVEN WOR
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
HORIZONTAL
CABLE
ROTATIONS
2x12
3x12
3x12
3x12
SINGLE-ARM
LAT
PULLDOWNS
2x15
3x15
3x15
3x15
WALKING
LUNGES
2x15
3x15
3x15
3x15
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
45° INCLINE
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
2x15
3x15
3x15
3x15
SINGLE-LEG
DUMBBELL
HIP BRIDGES
2x
10–15
3x
10–15
3x
10–15
3x
10–15
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
:30 work
:30 rest
x2 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x2 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x4 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x4 minutes
x6 minutes
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
INTERMEDIATE MEDIUM VOLUME—MONTH THREE, OD
WORKOUTS
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
BALL BODY
SAWS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
TRAP BAR
DEADLIFTS
2x5
3x5
3x5
3x5
SINGLEKETTLEBELL
FLOOR
PRESSES
2x5
3x5
3x5
3x5
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
SINGLECABLE
ROWS
2x5
3x5
3x5
3x5
REAR-FOOTELEVATED
SPLIT
SQUATS
2x5
3x5
3x5
3x5
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
20
20, 15
20, 15,
10
20, 15,
10, 5
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
INTERMEDIATE MEDIUM VOLUME–MONTH THREE, EVE
WORKOUTS
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
PALLOF
PRESSES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
CHIN-UPS
OR
ASSISTED
CHIN-UPS
2x5
3x5
3x5
3x5
BARBELL
BACK
SQUATS
2x5
3x5
3x5
3x5
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
75° INCLINE
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
2x5
3x5
3x5
3x5
SPLITSTANCE
DEADLIFTS
2x5
3x5
3x5
3x5
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
20
20, 15
20, 15,
10
20, 15,
10, 5
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
INTERMEDIATE HIGH VOLUME—MONTH ONE, ODD WORK
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
BAND DEAD
BUGS
2x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
DEADLIFT
VARIATIONS
Romanian
2x12
Trap Bar
2x5
Trap Bar
3x5
Romanian
3x12
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
PUSHUPS
2x
max
2x
max
3x
max
3x
max
SINGLE-LEG
DUMBBELL
HIP BRIDGES
2x12
2x12
3x12
3x12
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
SINGLECABLE
ROWS
2x12
2x12
3x12
3x12
SPLIT
SQUATS
2x12
2x12
3x12
3x12
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
1x10
2x10
3x10
4x10
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
INTERMEDIATE HIGH VOLUME—MONTH ONE, EVEN WORK
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
PALLOF
PRESSES
2x10
3x10
3x10
3x10
CHIN-UPS
VARIATIONS
Single-Arm
Lat
Pulldown
2x12
Chin-Ups or
Assisted
Chin-ups
2x5–15
Chin-Ups or
Assisted
Chin-ups
3x3–5
Single-Arm
Lat
Pulldown
3x12
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
75° INCLINE
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
2x12
2x12
3x12
3x12
ONEKETTLEBELL
COSSACK
DEADLIFTS
2x12
2x12
3x12
3x12
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
DUMBBELL
ROWS
2x12
2x12
3x12
3x12
2x12
2x12
3x12
3x12
DOUBLE
KETTLEBELL
Chin-Ups or
FRONT
SQUATS
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
1x10
2x10
3x10
4x10
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
INTERMEDIATE HIGH VOLUME—MONTH TWO, ODD WORK
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
KETTLEBELL
DEAD BUGS
2x12
3x12
3x12
3x12
DEADLIFT
VARIATIONS
Romanian
2x12
Trap Bar
2x5
Trap Bar
3x5
Romanian
3x12
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
DUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESS
2x20
2x20
3x20
3x20
SINGLE-LEG
DUMBBELL
HIP BRIDGES
2x20
2x20
3x20
3x20
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
DUMBBELL
ROWS
2x20
2x20
3x20
3x20
GOBLET
SQUATS
2x20
2x20
3x20
3x20
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
:30 work
:30 rest
:30 work
:30 rest
:30 work
:30 rest
:30 work
:30 rest
SWINGS
x2 minutes
x2 minutes
x4 minutes
x4 minutes
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
x6 minutes
INTERMEDIATE HIGH VOLUME—MONTH TWO, EVEN WORK
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
CABLE
HORIZONTAL
ROTATIONS
2x12
3x12
3x12
3x12
CHIN-UPS
VARIATIONS
Single-Arm
Lat
Pulldown
2x12
Chin-Ups or
Assisted
Chin-ups
2x5–15
Chin-Ups or
Assisted
Chin-ups
3x3–5
Single-Arm
Lat
Pulldown
3x12
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
45° INCLINE
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
2x20
2x20
3x20
3x20
ROMANIAN
DEADLIFTS
2x20
2x20
3x20
3x20
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
SINGLECABLE
ROWS
2x20
2x20
3x20
3x20
WALKING
LUNGES
2x20
2x20
3x20
3x20
Chin-Ups or
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
:30 work
:30 rest
x2 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x2 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x4 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x4 minutes
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
x6 minutes
INTERMEDIATE HIGH VOLUME—MONTH THREE, ODD WOR
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
BALL BODY
SAWS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
DEADLIFT
VARIATIONS
Romanian
2x12
Barbell
2x5
Trap Bar
3x5
Romanian
3x12
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
DUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
SINGLE-LEG
DEADLIFTS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
DOUBLECABLE
ROWS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
REAR-FOOTELEVATED
SPLIT
SQUATS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
20
20, 15
20, 15,
10
20, 15,
10, 5
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
INTERMEDIATE HIGH VOLUME—MONTH THREE, EVEN WOR
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
PALLOF
PRESSES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
CHIN-UPS
VARIATIONS
Single-Arm
Lat
Pulldown
2x12
Chin-Ups or
Assisted
Chin-ups
2x5–15
Chin-Ups or
Assisted
Chin-ups
3x3–5
Single-Arm
Lat
Pulldown
3x12
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
SINGLEKETTLEBELL
MILITARY
PRESSES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
SPLITSTANCE
DEADLIFTS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
BARBELL
SQUATS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
DUMBBELL
ROWS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
Chin-Ups or
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
20
20, 15
20, 15,
10
20, 15,
10, 5
APPENDIX FIVE
ADVANCED WORKOUTS
The big difference between the intermediate and advanced workouts is that
you’ll be working on multiple repetition ranges each week. Each week, you’ll
have one day focused on leanness, one day focused on strength, and one day
focused on endurance.
In the first month, that looks like:
Workout one on Monday, sets of 10 repetitions
Workout two on Wednesday, sets of 6 repetitions
Workout three on Friday, sets of 15 repetitions
In the medium and high-volume programs, you’ll also have a strength focus at
the beginning—either deadlifts or chin-ups. That first focus set will have its own
rep scheme, and the variation will change.
All the exercises are grouped either in supersets (two exercises back to back)
or trisets (three exercises back to back to back). Do all of the exercises in that
group, and then rest. In the trisets, the first two are strength exercises; the third,
in italics, is a mobility exercise.
For exercises that are single-arm or single-leg, the repetitions listed are to be
done on each side.
Pushups are listed as “max.” This means to do the maximum number of
repetitions you can with perfect form. If you can do more than 20 pushups for
three sets, move to a harder pushup variation. And, if you can already do more
than 20 reps per set, I’m sure you already know a few harder pushup variations
you could do. If you want some more ideas, check out spiderman pushups,
archer pushups, band pushups, or weighted vest pushups in my first book, Fat
Loss Happens on Monday. If you’re really advanced, you might find that
combining them works really well, like pushups with a band and a weighted
vest, or archer pushups with a weighted vest.
Folks are going to be in lots of different places for the chin-ups. Some will be
doing assisted chin-ups for the 5–15 rep days, and regular chin-ups for the 3–5
rep days. Others will do regular chin-ups for the 5–15 rep days and add weight
with a weighted vest or dip belt on the 3–5 rep days. Given that this is the
advanced program, if you need to do weighted chin-ups, I trust you’ve been
around the gym long enough to sort that out for yourself.
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
ADVANCED LOW VOLUME—MONTH ONE, ODD WORKOU
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
BALL BODY
SAWS
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
TRAP BAR
DEADLIFTS
2x10
2x6
2x15
3x10
PUSHUPS
2x
max
2x
max
2x
max
3x
max
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
SINGLECABLE
ROWS
2x10
2x6
2x15
3x10
SPLIT
SQUATS
2x10
2x6
2x15
3x10
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
1x10
2x10
3x10
4x10
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
ADVANCED LOW VOLUME—MONTH ONE, EVEN WORKO
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
HORIZONTAL
CABLE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
ASSISTED
CHIN-UPS
2x15
2x10
3x6
3x15
DOUBLEKETTLEBELL
SQUATS
2x15
2x10
3x6
3x15
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
SINGLEKETTLEBELL
MILITARY
PRESSES
2x15
2x10
3x6
3x15
ONEKETTLEBELL
COSSACK
DEADLIFTS
2x15
2x10
3x6
3x15
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
1x10
2x10
3x10
4x10
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
ADVANCED LOW VOLUME—MONTH TWO, ODD WORKO
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
KETTLEBELL
DEAD BUGS
2x10
2x10
3x10
3x10
DUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
2x12
2x8
3x20
3x12
SINGLE-LEG
DUMBBELL
HIP BRIDGES
2x12
2x8
3x20
3x12
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
DOUBLEKETTLEBELL
SQUATS
2x12
2x8
3x20
3x12
DUMBBELL
BENT-OVER
ROWS
2x12
2x8
3x20
3x12
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
:30 work
:30 rest
x2 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x2 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x4 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x5 minutes
x6 minutes
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
ADVANCED LOW VOLUME—MONTH TWO, EVEN WORKO
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
HIGH TO
LOW CABLE
ROTATIONS
2x10
2x10
3x10
3x10
SINGLE-ARM
LAT
PULLDOWNS
2x20
2x12
3x8
3x20
WALKING
LUNGES
2x20
2x12
3x8
3x20
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
45° INCLINE
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
2x20
2x12
3x8
3x20
ROMANIAN
DEADLIFTS
2x20
2x12
3x8
3x20
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
:30 work
:30 rest
x2 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x2 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x4 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x4 minutes
x6 minutes
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
ADVANCED LOW VOLUME—MONTH THREE, ODD WORKO
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
BALL BODY
SAWS
2x12
2x12
3x12
3x12
BARBELL
DEADLIFTS
2x8
2x5
3x12
3x8
SINGLE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
FLOOR
PRESSES
2x8
2x5
3x12
2x8
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
DOUBLEKETTLEBELL
ROWS
2x8
2x5
3x12
3x8
REAR-FOOTELEVATED
SPLIT
SQUATS
2x8
2x5
3x12
3x8
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
20
20, 15
20, 15,
10
20, 15,
10, 5
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
ADVANCED LOW VOLUME—MONTH THREE, EVEN WORK
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
LOW TO
HIGH CABLE
ROTATIONS
2x12
2x12
3x12
3x12
BARBELL
SQUATS
2x12
2x8
3x5
3x12
CHIN-UPS
OR
ASSISTED
CHIN-UPS
2x12
2x8
3x5
3x12
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
SINGLEKETTLEBELL
MILITARY
PRESSES
2x12
2x8
3x5
3x12
SPLITSTANCE
DEADLIFTS
2x12
2x8
3x5
3x12
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
20
20, 15
20, 15,
10
20, 15,
10, 5
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
ADVANCED MEDIUM VOLUME—MONTH ONE, ODD WORKO
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
BALL BODY
SAWS
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
DEADLIFT
VARIATIONS
Romanian
2x12
Barbell
2x5
Trap Bar
3x5
Romanian
3x12
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
PUSHUPS
2x
max
2x
max
3x
max
3x
max
SINGLELEG
DUMBBELL
HIP
BRIDGES
2x10
2x5
3x15
3x10
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
SINGLECABLE
ROWS
2x10
2x5
3x15
3x10
SPLIT
SQUATS
2x10
2x5
3x15
3x10
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
ADVANCED MEDIUM VOLUME—MONTH ONE, EVEN WORK
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
HORIZONTAL
CABLE
ROTATIONS
2x8
CHIN-UP
VARIATIONS
Single-Arm
Lat
Pulldown
2x12
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
3x8
Chin-ups
2x5–15
Chin-ups
3x3–5
Single-Arm
Lat
Pulldown
3x12
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
DOUBLEKETTLEBELL
SQUATS
2x15
2x10
3x5
3x15
DUMBBELL
ROWS
2x15
2x10
3x5
3x15
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
SINGLEKETTLEBELL
MILITARY
PRESSES
2x15
2x10
3x5
3x15
ONEKETTLEBELL
COSSACK
DEADLIFTS
2x15
2x10
3x5
3x15
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
ADVANCED MEDIUM VOLUME—MONTH TWO, ODD WORK
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
KETTLEBELL
DEAD BUGS
2x10
2x10
3x10
3x10
DEADLIFT
VARIATIONS
Romanian
2x12
Barbell
2x5
Trap Bar
3x5
Romanian
3x12
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
2x12
2x8
3x20
3x12
SINGLE-LEG
DUMBBELL
HIP BRIDGES
2x12
2x8
3x20
3x12
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
DOUBLEKETTLEBELL
SQUATS
2x12
2x8
3x20
3x12
DUMBBELL
ROWS
2x12
2x8
3x20
3x12
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
:30 work
:30 rest
:30 work
:30 rest
:30 work
:30 rest
:30 work
:30 rest
x2 minutes
x2 minutes
x4 minutes
x4 minutes
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
x6 minutes
ADVANCED MEDIUM VOLUME—MONTH TWO, EVEN WORK
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
HIGH TO
LOW CABLE
ROTATIONS
2x10
CHIN-UP
VARIATIONS
Single-Arm
Lat
Pulldown
2x12
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x10
2x10
3x10
Chin-ups
2x5–15
Chin-ups
3x5–15
Single-Arm
Lat
Pulldown
3x12
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
SINGLECABLE
ROWS
2x20
2x12
3x8
3x20
WALKING
LUNGES
2x20
2x12
3x8
3x20
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
45° INCLINE
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
2x20
2x12
3x8
3x20
ROMANIAN
DEADLIFTS
2x20
2x12
3x8
3x20
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
:30 work
:30 rest
x2 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x2 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x4 minutes
:30 work
:30 rest
x4 minutes
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
x6 minutes
ADVANCED MEDIUM VOLUME—MONTH THREE, ODD WORK
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
BALL BODY
SAWS
2x12
2x12
2x12
3x12
DEADLIFT
VARIATIONS
Romanian
2x12
Barbell
2x5
Trap Bar
3x5
Romanian
3x12
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
2x8
2x4
3x12
3x8
SINGLE-LEG
DEADLIFTS
2x8
3x4
3x12
3x8
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
DOUBLECABLE
ROWS
2x8
3x4
3x12
3x8
SPLIT
SQUATS
2x8
3x4
3x12
3x8
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
20
20, 15
20, 15,
10
20, 15,
10, 5
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
ADVANCED MEDIUM VOLUME—MONTH THREE, EVEN WOR
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
LOW TO
HIGH CABLE
ROTATIONS
2x12
CHIN-UP
VARIATIONS
Single-Arm
Lat
Pulldown
2x12
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x12
2x12
3x12
Chin-ups
2x5–15
Chin-ups
3x3–5
Single-Arm
Lat
Pulldown
3x12
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
BARBELL
SQUATS
2x12
2x8
3x4
3x12
DUMBBELL
ROWS
2x12
2x8
3x4
3x12
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
SINGLEKETTLEBELL
MILITARY
PRESSES
2x12
2x8
3x4
3x12
SPLITSTANCE
DEADLIFTS
2x12
2x8
3x4
3x12
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
20
20, 15
20, 15,
10
20, 15,
10, 5
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
ADVANCED HIGH VOLUME—MONTH ONE, ODD WORKO
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
BALL BODY
SAWS
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
DEADLIFT
VARIATIONS
Romanian
2x12
Barbell
2x5
Trap Bar
3x5
Romanian
3x12
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
PUSHUPS
2x
max
3x
max
3x
max
3x
max
SINGLE-LEG
DEADLIFTS
2x10
3X5
3x15
3x10
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
SINGLECABLE
ROWS
2x10
3X5
3x15
3x10
DOUBLE
KETTLEBELL
FRONT
SQUATS
2x10
3X5
3x15
3x10
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
20
20, 15
20, 15,
10
20, 15,
10, 5
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
ADVANCED HIGH VOLUME—MONTH ONE, EVEN WORKO
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
HORIZONTAL
CABLE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
2x8
3x8
CHIN-UPS
VARIATIONS
Single-Arm
Lat
Pulldown
2x12
Chin-Ups
2x5–15
Chin-ups
3x3–5
Single-Arm
Lat
Pulldown
3x12
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
DOUBLE
KETTLEBELL
FRONT
SQUATS
2x15
3X10
3X5
3x15
DUMBBELL
ROWS
2x15
3X10
3X5
3x15
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
SINGLEKETTLEBELL
MILITARY
PRESSES
2x15
3X10
3X5
3x15
2x15
3X10
3X5
3x15
ONEKETTLEBELL
COSSACK
DEADLIFTS
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
20
20, 15
20, 15,
10
20, 15,
10, 5
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
ADVANCED HIGH VOLUME—MONTH TWO, ODD WORKO
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
KETTLEBELL
DEAD BUGS
2x10
2x10
2x10
3x10
DEADLIFT
VARIATIONS
Romanian
2x12
Barbell
2x5
Trap Bar
3x5
Romanian
3x12
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
DUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESS
2X12
3x8
3x20
3x12
SINGLE-LEG
DUMBBELL
HIP BRIDGES
2X12
3x8
3x20
3x12
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
DUMBBELL
ROWS
2X12
3x8
3x20
3x12
DOUBLE
KETTLEBELL
FRONT
SQUATS
2X12
3x8
3x20
3x12
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
1x10
2x10
3x10
4x10
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
ADVANCED HIGH VOLUME—MONTH TWO, EVEN WORKO
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
HIGH TO
LOW
ROTATIONS
2x10
CHIN-UPS
VARIATIONS
Single-Arm
Lat
Pulldown
2x12
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x10
2x10
3x10
Chin-Ups
3x5–15
Chin-Ups
3x3–5
Single-Arm
Lat
Pulldown
3x12
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
WALKING
LUNGES
2x20
3X12
3X8
3x20
SINGLECABLE
ROWS
2x20
3X12
3X8
3x20
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
45° INCLINE
DOUBLEDUMBBELL
BENCH
PRESSES
2x20
3X12
3X8
3x20
ROMANIAN
DEADLIFTS
2x20
3X12
3x8
3x20
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
1x10
2x10
3x10
4x10
Do three workouts per week, in numerical order. Week one, do workouts 1, 2,
and 3. Week two, do workouts 4, 5, and 6. Use this sheet as a tracker to write
down the weight used for each exercise in the box for that workout, underneath
the sets and reps.
ADVANCED HIGH VOLUME—MONTH THREE, ODD WORKO
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
1
3
5
7
BALL BODY
SAWS
2x12
2x12
2x12
3x12
DEADLIFT
VARIATIONS
Romanian
2x12
Barbell
2x5
Trap Bar
3x5
Romanian
3x12
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
SINGLEKETTLEBELL
MILITARY
PRESSES
2x8
3x4
3x12
3x8
SINGLE-LEG
DEADLIFTS
2x8
3x4
3x12
3x8
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
BARBELL
SQUATS
2x8
3x4
3x12
3x8
DUMBBELL
ROWS
2x8
3x4
3x12
3x8
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
:30 work
:30 rest
:30 work
:30 rest
:30 work
:30 rest
:30 work
:30 rest
SWINGS
x2 minutes
x3 minutes
x4 minutes
x5 minutes
When three exercises are grouped together, do those back-to-back as a tri-set.
For exercises on one leg or one arm, sets listed are for each side.
x5 minutes
ADVANCED HIGH VOLUME—MONTH THREE, EVEN WORK
WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT WORKOUT
2
4
6
8
LOW TO
HIGH CABLE
ROTATIONS
2x12
CHIN-UPS
VARIATIONS
Single-Arm
Lat
Pulldown
2x12
T-SPINE
ROTATIONS
2x12
2x12
3x12
Chin-Ups
2x5–15
Chin-Ups
3x3–5
Single-Arm
Lat
Pulldown
3x12
2x8
2x8
3x8
3x8
BARBELL
SQUATS
2x12
3x8
3x4
3x12
DUMBBELL
ROWS
2x12
3x8
3x4
3x12
HIP FLEXOR
STRETCHES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
SINGLEKETTLEBELL
MILITARY
PRESSES
2x12
3x8
3x4
3x12
SPLITSTANCE
DEADLIFTS
2x12
3x8
3x4
3x12
BRETZEL
STRETCHES
2x8
3x8
3x8
3x8
ONE-ARM
KETTLEBELL
SWINGS
:30 work
:30 work
:30 work
:30 work
:30 rest
x2 minutes
:30 rest
x3 minutes
:30 rest
x4 minutes
:30 rest
x5 minutes
x5 minutes
APPENDIX SIX
EXERCISE DESCRIPTIONS
The exercises are grouped together with other similar exercises. Many of the
exercises share the same things to focus on. For this reason, multiple exercises
will be shown in photos, with only one set of instructions for all of them listed at
the bottom of the page.
For example, look at the instructions for all of the kettlebell and dumbbell
press variations:
Lower the dumbbells
Drive your shoes into the floor
Flex your butt
Press the dumbbell(s) up the ceiling
Brace your abs
There are multiple exercises in this book that are variations of each other. One of
the best ways to learn is to practice the same skill in multiple variations and
multiple contexts. A really important lesson for beginner and intermediate
trainees is noticing how groups of movements are similar and different, where
skills generalize and where they do not.
Most of this book is devoted to skills, Meta-skills, Turning Points, and
psychology related to both food and movement; this book doesn’t have the most
detailed exercise descriptions of all time. Exercise wise, this book mostly is
focusing on movement related mindfulness skills you might not have seen
before. To dive a little deeper, you can check the exercise-specific mindfulness
section on page 130.
This is just to give you sense of what movements you are doing, assuming you
have some background in lifting. If you need more detailed explanations that
will generalize to most of these movements, check out my first book, Fat Loss
Happens on Monday. If you want a really in-depth treatise on deadlifting, read
Pavel Tsatsouline’s Power to the People, or for kettlebell swings, cleans, and
military presses, Enter the Kettlebell.
HOME WORKOUT SWAPS
This workout program was designed to be done in a gym. Fat Loss Happens on
Monday has a really great program you can do at home with just bodyweight and
kettlebells. The idea here is to show what else you could do if you had access to
more equipment, like cables, dumbbells, and a bench.
One option for a home trainee would be to buy an adjustable bench and add
pairs of dumbbells as you go. If you have tight shoulders and military presses
don’t feel good, getting a bench to do incline presses instead is a great
investment.
You can even get home pulley systems that attach to a doorway pull-up bar
from Spud Inc. so you could do single-cable lat-pulldowns and high to low cable
rotations. If you want to really deck out your home gym or really struggle with
assisted chin-ups, that’s an option.
Let’s take a look substitutions we could make to do this program with a
minimal amount of equipment.
GYM
HOME
Pallof Presses
Pallof Presses with a band
Horizontal Cable
Rotations
High to Low Cable
Rotations
Low to High Cable
Rotations
Pallof Presses with a band
Double-Dumbbell
Bench Presses
Single-Dumbbell
Bench Presses
45° Double-dumbbell
Bench Presses
75° Single-dumbbell
Bench Presses
Single-Cable Rows
Double Cable Rows
Single-kettlebell Floor Presses or the Pushup
Progression from Fat Loss Happens on Monday
Single-kettlebell Military Presses
Dumbbell Bent Over Rows
Single-cable Lat
Pulldowns
Assisted Chin-ups or
Dumbbell Bent Over Rows
Battling Ropes
Single-kettlebell Swings
Barbell Squats
(advanced program
only)
Rear-foot-elevated Split-squats
Trap Bar Deadlifts
Barbell Deadlifts
(advanced program
only)
Staggered Stance Deadlifts
With these substitutions, you could do the whole program with only a doorway
pullup bar, kettlebells, bands, and a stability ball.
DOUBLE-DUMBBELL BENCH PRESS
Finish
Start
SINGLE-KETTLEBELL FLOOR PRESS
Finish
Start
Keep your shoulders away from
your ears
Drive your shoes into the floor
Flex your butt
Press the dumbbells or kettlebell up
Brace your abs
the ceiling
45° DOUBLE-DUMBBELL INCLINE PRESS
Finish
Start
75° SINGLE-DUMBBELL INCLINE PRESS
Finish
Start
SINGLE-KETTLEBELL MILITARY PRESS
Finish
Start
Keep your shoulders away
Drive your shoes into the floor
from your ears
Press the dumbbell(s) or kettlebell
Flex your butt
up the ceiling
Brace your abs
DUMBBELL ROW
Finish
Start
SINGLE-CABLE ROW
Finish
Start
DOUBLE-CABLE ROW
Finish
Start
Flex your butt
Pull the dumbbell away from the floor, or the
Brace your abs
handles away from the machine
Pull your shoulders
back and down
SINGLE-ARM LAT PULLDOWN
Finish
Start
ASSISTED CHIN-UP
Finish
Start
CHIN-UP
Finish
Start
Flex your butt
Pull the bar to your shirt
Brace your abs
Pull your shoulders back and down
GOBLET SQUAT
Finish
Start
TWO-KETTLEBELL SQUAT
Finish
Start
BARBELL SQUAT
Finish
Start
Pull your back pockets toward
Flex your butt
the heels of your shoes
Brace your abs
Push the ground away
SPLIT SQUAT
Finish
Start
REAR-FOOT-ELEVATED SPLIT SQUAT
Finish
Start
WALKING LUNGE
Finish
Start
Put most of
With the front leg, push the ground away (split squats
the weight on
and rear-foot-elevated split-squats) or push up to
your front
standing (walking lunges)
leg
ONE-ARM KETTLEBELL SWING
Start
TWO-ARM KETTLEBELL SWING
Finish
Start
Hike the kettlebell back behind your
Drive your shoes into the
butt
floor
Pop your hips forward
Flex your butt
*Your arms shouldn’t do any of the work; it should be all glutes and
hamstrings.
DEADLIFT
Finish
Start
TRAP BAR DEADLIFT
Finish
Start
ROMANIAN DEADLIFT
Finish
Start
Reach your back pockets to the back wall
Squeeze the bar
Flex your butt
Push the ground away
COSSACK DEADLIFT
Finish
Start
STAGGERED DEADLIFT
Finish
Start
SINGLE-LEG DEADLIFT
Finish
Start
Reach your back pockets to the back
Squeeze the kettlebell
wall
handles
Flex your butt
Push the ground away
SINGLE-LEG DUMBBELL HIP BRIDGE
Finish
Start
Lower hips
Drive the dumbbell up to the ceiling
Flex your butt
PALLOF PRESS
Finish
Start
Flex your butt
Press the handle out
Brace your abs
Hold for a count at that hardest spot
Don’t let the weight rotate you
BAND DEAD BUG
Finish
Start
KETTLEBELL DEAD BUG
Finish
Start
Brace your abs
Extend your leg out to have your heel an inch
Press your low back
off the ground, alternating legs
towards the ground
BALL BODY SAW
Finish
Start
Brace abs
Roll the ball forward
like a
If you only roll the ball forward a little, it’s easier. If
crunch
you roll the ball farther forward, it’s hard.
Tuck hips
If you do quick rolls (one second out, one second back),
under
it’s easier. If you do slower rolls (four seconds out, four
Get tall
seconds back), it’s harder.
from your
heels to the
top of
your head,
just like
good
posture
standing
Push the
ball away
with your
shoulders
PUSHUP
Finish
Start
Brace abs like a crunch
Push the
Tuck hips under
ground away
Get tall from your heels to the top of your head, just
like good posture standing
HORIZONTAL CABLE ROTATION
Finish
Start
HIGH TO LOW CABLE ROTATION
Finish
Start
LOW TO HIGH CABLE ROTATION
Finish
Start
Belt buckle faces the machine
Turn your hips around
Back shoelaces face the
Turn your belt buckle to face the front
machine
wall
Flex your butt, and brace your
Turn your back shoe around
abs
BATTLING ROPES
Finish
Start
Stay in a quarter-squat position
Snap the ropes down
Lift the ropes up
BEAR CRAWL
Finish
Start
Left hand forward
Reach right hand forward
Left foot back
Take a small step with left foot so left foot is
Right hand back
forward
Right foot
forward
HIP FLEXOR STRETCH
Finish
Start
Pull your belt buckle up,
Flex your butt
like you’re doing a crunch
Push your hips forward into the stretch
T-SPINE ROTATION
Finish
Start
Sit your butt back
Rotate at your upper back so your elbow
towards your heels
moves toward the ceiling
Follow your elbow with your eyes and head
BRETZEL
Finish
Start
Lie on your side,
Grab your top knee
with the top knee
Bend your bottom knee so your back foot comes
forward and on
toward you, then grab your bottom foot
the ground
Rotate your chest toward the wall behind you
Grab your top
knee and bottom
foot
*You can modify the Bretzel to have less of a stretch by putting a bolster under
your head and/or under your top knee.
**Alternately, you can substitute the hip flexor stretch and the t-spine rotation
until you have the mobility to get into the Bretzel position. That’s why the Bretzel
only shows up in the intermediate high-volume program and the advanced
medium and high-volume programs—it’s a fairly advanced position.
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69 Ibid. Timko and Perone, (2005)
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73 Tribole, E., & Resch, E. (2012). Intuitive eating: A revolutionary program that works . New York: St.
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75 Ibid. Anglin (2012)
76 Ibid. Anderson, Schaumberg, Anderson, and Reilly (2015)
77 Ibid. Tylka, Calogero & Daníelsdóttir (2015)
78 Linardon, J., & Mitchell, S. (2017). Rigid dietary control, flexible dietary control, and intuitive eating:
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134 Ibid. Madden, Leong, Gray, and Horwath (2012)
135 Ciampolini, M., Lovell-Smith, H. D., Kenealy, T., & Bianchi, R. (2013). Hunger can be taught: hunger
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137 Hayes, S. C. (2005). Get out of your mind and into your life: The new acceptance and commitment
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140 Ibid. Forman, Hoffman, Juarascio, Butryn, and Herbert (2013)
141 Ibid. Forman, Hoffman, McGrath, Herbert, Brandsma, and Lowe (2007)
142 Ibid. Hooper, Sandoz, Ashton, Clarke, and McHugh (2012)
143 Harris, R., The happiness trap: how to stop struggling and start living. 2008. Trumpeter, Boston, 27.
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145 Forman, E. M., Butryn, M. L., Juarascio, A. S., Bradley, L. E., Lowe, M. R., Herbert, J. D., & Shaw, J.
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146 Lillis, J., Niemeier, H. M., Thomas, J. G., Unick, J., Ross, K. M., Leahey, T. M., ... & Wing, R. R.
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147 Forman, E. M., Butryn, M. L., Manasse, S. M., Crosby, R. D., Goldstein, S. P., Wyckoff, E. P., &
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148 Elder, R. S., & Mohr, G. S. (2016). The crunch effect: food sound salience as a consumption
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149 Robinson, E., Aveyard, P., Daley, A., Jolly, K., Lewis, A., Lycett, D., & Higgs, S. (2013). Eating
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150 Higgs, S., & Donohoe, J. E. (2011). Focusing on food during lunch enhances lunch memory and
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151 Beshara, M., Hutchinson, A. D., & Wilson, C. (2013). Does mindfulness matter? Everyday
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152 Ibid. Martin et al., 2017
153 Ibid. Tylka and Wilcox (2006)
154 Ibid. Schaefer and Magnuson (2014)
155 Ibid. Mantzios and Wilson (2013)
156 Ibid. Anglin (2012)
157 Anglin, J. C., Borchardt, N., Ramos, E., & Mhoon, K. (2013). Diet quality of adults using intuitive
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166 Sheeran, P., Webb, T. L., & Gollwitzer, P. M. (2005). The interplay between goal intentions and
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167 Ibid. Gollwitzer, and Sheeran (2006)
168 Adriaanse, M. A. (2010). Planning to break habits: Efficacy, mechanisms, and boundary conditions of
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169 DeWitte, S., Verguts, T., & Lens, W. (2003). Implementation intentions do not enhance all types of
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171 Bayer, U. C., Gollwitzer, P. M., & Achtziger, A. (2010). Staying on track: Planned goal striving is
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172 Ibid. Rhea and Alderman (2004)
173 Ibid. Willoughby (1993)
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178 Campos, G. E., Luecke, T. J., Wendeln, H. K., Toma, K., Hagerman, F. C., Murray, T. F., ... & Staron,
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179 Stone, W. J., & Coulter, S. P. (1994). Strength/Endurance Effects From Three Resistance Training
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182 Boyer, B. T. (1990). A Comparison of the Effects of Three Strength Training Programs on Women. The
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sugary snack cravings in overweight people, affect and responses to a manipulated stress situation and to a
sugary snack cue: A crossover study. PloS one, 10(3), e0119278.
198 Milkman, H. B., Sunderwirth, S. G. & Hil K. G. (2019). Craving for ecstasy and natural highs: A
positive approach to mood alteration. Cognella.
199 Mikkelsen, K., Stojanovska, L., Polenakovic, M., Bosevski, M., & Apostolopoulos, V. (2017). Exercise
and mental health. Maturitas, 106, 48-56.
200 Sheldon, K. M., & Elliot, A. J. (1999). Goal striving, need satisfaction, and longitudinal wellbeing: the
self-concordance model. Journal of personality and social psychology, 76(3), 482.
201 Parks, L., & Guay, R. P. (2009). Personality, values, and motivation. Personality and individual
differences, 47(7), 675-684.
202 Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic
motivation, social development, and wellbeing. American psychologist, 55(1), 68.
203 Patrick, H., & Williams, G. C. (2012). Self-determination theory: its application to health behavior and
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204 Ibid. Forman et al. (2016)
205 Ibid. Forman et al. (2019)
206 Lillis, J., Thomas, J. G., Niemeier, H. M., & Wing, R. R. (2017). Exploring process variables through
which acceptance-based behavioral interventions may improve weight loss maintenance. Journal of
contextual behavioral science, 6(4), 398-403.
207 Lillis, J., Niemeier, H. M., Thomas, J. G., Unick, J., Ross, K. M., Leahey, T. M., ... & Wing, R. R.
(2016). A randomized trial of an acceptance-based behavioral intervention for weight loss in people with
high internal disinhibition. Obesity, 24(12), 2509-2514.
208 Manasse, S. M., Flack, D., Dochat, C., Zhang, F., Butryn, M. L., & Forman, E. M. (2017). Not so fast:
The impact of impulsivity on weight loss varies by treatment type. Appetite, 113, 193-199.
209 210. Forman, E. M., & Butryn, M. L. (2016). Effective weight loss: An acceptance-based behavioral
approach: Clinician guide. New York, NY, United States of America: Oxford University Press.
210 Dahl, J., Lundgren, T., Plumb, J., & Stewart, I. (2009). The Art and Science of Valuing in
Psychotherapy: Helping Clients Discover, Explore, and Commit to Valued Action Using Acceptance and
Commitment Therapy. New Harbinger Publications
211 Hardcastle, S. J., Hancox, J., Hattar, A., Maxwell-Smith, C., Thøgersen-Ntoumani, C., & Hagger, M. S.
(2015). Motivating the unmotivated: how can health behavior be changed in those unwilling to change?.
Frontiers in psychology, 6, 835.
212 Ibid. Fedewa, Burns, and Gomez (2005)
213 Ibid. Stoeber and Otto (2006)
214 Hill, A. P., & Curran, T. (2016). Multidimensional perfectionism and burnout: A meta-analysis.
Personality and Social Psychology Review, 20(3), 269-288.
215 Sherry, S. B., & Hall, P. A. (2009). The perfectionism model of binge eating: Tests of an integrative
model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 96(3), 690.
216 Peck, L. D., & Lightsey Jr, O. R. (2008). The eating disorders continuum, self-esteem, and
perfectionism. Journal of Counseling & Development, 86(2), 184-192.
217 Haase, A. M., Prapavessis, H., & Owens, R. G. (2002). Perfectionism, social physique anxiety and
disordered eating: A comparison of male and female elite athletes. Psychology of sport and Exercise, 3(3),
209-222.
218 Urquhart, C. S., & Mihalynuk, T. V. (2011). Disordered eating in women: implications for the obesity
pandemic. Canadian Journal of Dietetic Practice and Research, 72(1), e115-e125.
219 Boone, L., Vansteenkiste, M., Soenens, B., der Kaap-Deeder, V., & Verstuyf, J. (2014). Self-critical
perfectionism and binge eating symptoms: A longitudinal test of the intervening role of psychological need
frustration. Journal of counseling psychology, 61(3), 363.
220 Ibid. Ferrari, Yap, Scott, Einstein, and Ciarrochi (2018)
221 Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion, self-esteem, and well-being. Social and personality psychology
compass, 5(1), 1-12.
222 Ibid. Ferrari, Yap, Scott, Einstein and Ciarrochi (2018)
223 Fryar, C. D., Gu, Q., & Ogden, C. L. (2012). Anthropometric reference data for children and adults;
United States, 2007-2010.
224 Augustus-Horvath, C. L., & Tylka, T. L. (2011). The acceptance model of intuitive eating: A
comparison of women in emerging adulthood, early adulthood, and middle adulthood. Journal of
counseling psychology, 58(1), 110.
225 Oh, K. H., Wiseman, M. C., Hendrickson, J., Phillips, J. C., & Hayden, E. W. (2012). Testing the
acceptance model of intuitive eating with college women athletes. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 36(1),
88-98.
226 Andrew, R., Tiggemann, M., & Clark, L. (2015). Predictors of intuitive eating in adolescent girls.
Journal of Adolescent Health, 56(2), 209-214.
227 Ibid. Avalos and Tylka (2006)
228 Wegner, D. M., Schneider, D. J., Carter, S. R., & White, T. L. (1987). Paradoxical effects of thought
suppression. Journal of personality and social psychology, 53(1), 5.
229 Davies, M. I., & Clark, D. M. (1998). Thought suppression produces a rebound effect with analogue
post-traumatic intrusions. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 36(6), 571-582.
230 Clark, D. M., Ball, S., & Pape, D. (1991). An experimental investigation of thought suppression.
Behaviour Research and Therapy, 29(3), 253-257.
231 Ibid. Hooper, Sandoz, Ashton, Clarke, and McHugh (2012)
232 Ibid. Hulbert-Williams, Hulbert-Williams, Nicholls, Williamson, Poonia, and Hochard, (2017)
233 Ibid. Forman, Hoffman, Juarascio, Butryn, and Herbert, (2013)
234 Rose, J. P. (2012). Debiasing comparative optimism and increasing worry for health outcomes. Journal
of health psychology, 17(8), 1121-1131.
235 Fowler, S. L., & Geers, A. L. (2015). Dispositional and comparative optimism interact to predict
avoidance of a looming health threat. Psychology & health, 30(4), 456-474.
236 Davidson, K., & Prkachin, K. (1997). Optimism and unrealistic optimism have an interacting impact on
health-promoting behavior and knowledge changes. Personality and social psychology bulletin, 23(6), 617625.
237 Newby-Clark, I. R., Ross, M., Buehler, R., Koehler, D. J., & Griffin, D. (2000). People focus on
optimistic scenarios and disregard pessimistic scenarios while predicting task completion times. Journal of
Experimental Psychology: Applied, 6(3), 171.
238 Kashdan, T. B., & Rottenberg, J. (2010). Psychological flexibility as a fundamental aspect of health.
Clinical psychology review, 30(7), 865-878.
239 Fledderus, M., Bohlmeijer, E. T., Smit, F., & Westerhof, G. J. (2010). Mental health promotion as a new
goal in public mental health care: A randomized controlled trial of an intervention enhancing psychological
flexibility. American journal of public health, 100(12), 2372-2372.
240 Ivtzan, I., Lomas, T., Hefferon, K., & Worth, P. (2015). Second wave positive psychology: Embracing
the dark side of life. Routledge.
241 Ibid. Lekes, Hope, Gouveia, Koestner, and Philippe (2012)
242 Huldtgren, A., Wiggers, P., & Jonker, C. M. (2013). Designing for self-reflection on values for
improved life decision. Interacting with Computers, 26(1), 27-45.
243 Gillison, F. B., Rouse, P., Standage, M., Sebire, S. J., & Ryan, R. M. (2019). A meta-analysis of
techniques to promote motivation for health behaviour change from a self-determination theory perspective.
Health psychology review, 13(1), 110-130
244 Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2019). Brick by Brick: The Origins, Development, and Future of SelfDetermination Theory. Advances in Motivation Science, 6, 111.
245 Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2008). Self-determination theory: A macrotheory of human motivation,
development, and health. Canadian psychology/Psychologie canadienne, 49(3), 182.
246 Teixeira, P. J., Carraça, E. V., Markland, D., Silva, M. N., & Ryan, R. M. (2012). Exercise, physical
activity, and self-determination theory: a systematic review. International journal of behavioral nutrition
and physical activity, 9(1), 78
247 Deci, E. L., Koestner, R., & Ryan, R. M. (1999). A meta-analytic review of experiments examining the
effects of extrinsic rewards on intrinsic motivation. Psychological bulletin, 125(6), 627.
248 Crocker, J., & Park, L. E. (2004). The costly pursuit of self-esteem. Psychological bulletin, 130(3), 392.
249 Dweck, C. S. (2000). Self-theories: Their role in motivation, personality, and development. Psychology
press.
250 Grant, H., & Dweck, C. S. (2003). Clarifying achievement goals and their impact. Journal of
personality and social psychology, 85(3), 541.
251 Souza, L. K. D., & Hutz, C. S. (2016). Self-compassion in relation to self-esteem, self-efficacy and
demographical aspects. Paidéia (Ribeirão Preto), 26(64), 181-188.
252 Khanzadeh, A. H., Taher, M., Zeenat Fallah Morteza Nejad, & Noori, Z. S. (2016). Prediction of selfefficacy and self-esteem based on self-compassion. CPAP. 2016; 14 (1) :33-42.
253 Ibid. Neff (2011)
254 Moffitt, R. L., Neumann, D. L., & Williamson, S. P. (2018). Comparing the efficacy of a brief selfesteem and self-compassion intervention for state body dissatisfaction and self-improvement motivation.
Body image, 27, 67-76.
255 Seekis, V., Bradley, G. L., & Duffy, A. (2017). The effectiveness of self-compassion and self-esteem
writing tasks in reducing body image concerns. Body image, 23, 206-213.
256 Crocker, J., & Park, L. E. (2004). The costly pursuit of self-esteem. Psychological bulletin, 130(3), 392.
257 Fardouly, J., & Vartanian, L. R. (2016). Social media and body image concerns: Current research and
future directions. Current opinion in psychology, 9, 1-5.
258 Prichard, I., McLachlan, A. C., Lavis, T., & Tiggemann, M. (2018). The impact of different forms of#
fitspiration imagery on body image, mood, and self-objectification among young women. Sex Roles, 78(1112), 789-798.
259 Kasser, T., & Ryan, R. M. (1996). Further examining the American dream: Differential correlates of
intrinsic and extrinsic goals. Personality and social psychology bulletin, 22(3), 280-287.
260 Mask, L., Blanchard, C. M., & Baker, A. (2014). Do portrayals of women in action convey another
ideal that women with little self-determination feel obligated to live up to? Viewing effects on body image
evaluations and eating behaviors. Appetite, 83, 277-286.
261 Pinquart, M., & Sörensen, S. (2000). Influences of socioeconomic status, social network, and
competence on subjective wellbeing in later life: a meta-analysis. Psychology and aging, 15(2), 187.
262 Anderson, C., & Kilduff, G. J. (2009). The pursuit of status in social groups. Current Directions in
Psychological Science, 18(5), 295-298.
263 Ibid. Milkman, Sunderwirth & Hil (2019)
264 Ibid. Harris (2008)
265 Held, B. S. (2002). The tyranny of the positive attitude in America: Observation and speculation.
Journal of clinical psychology, 58(9), 965-991.
266 Wong, P. T. (2011). Positive psychology 2.0: Towards a balanced interactive model of the good life.
Canadian Psychology/Psychologie Canadienne, 52(2), 69.
267 Ibid. Ivtzan, Lomas, Hefferon & Worth (2015)
268 Evers, C., Marijn Stok, F., & de Ridder, D. T. (2010). Feeding your feelings: Emotion regulation
strategies and emotional eating. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 36(6), 792-804.
269 Hayes, S. C. (2004). Acceptance and commitment therapy, relational frame theory, and the third wave
of behavioral and cognitive therapies. Behavior therapy, 35(4), 639-665.
270 Ibid. Hulbert-Williams, Hulbert-Williams, Nicholls, Williamson, Poonia, and Hochard (2017)
271 Ibid. Forman, Hoffman, McGrath, Herbert, Brandsma, and Lowe (2007)
272 Ibid.Manasse, Flack, Dochat, Zhang, Butryn, and Forman (2017)
273 Ibid. Moffitt, Brinkworth, Noakes, and Mohr (2012)
274 Ibid. Hooper, Sandoz, Ashton, Clarke, and McHugh (2012)
275 Ibid. Lillis et al. (2016)
276 Ibid. Forman, Hoffman, Juarascio, Butryn, and Herbert (2013)
277 Ibid. Forman et al. (2016)
278 Ibid. Lillis, Thomas, Niemeier, and Wing (2017)*
279 Iibid. Forman, Manasse, Butryn, Crosby, Dallal, and Crochiere (2019)
280 Ford, B. Q., Lam, P., John, O. P., & Mauss, I. B. (2018). The psychological health benefits of accepting
negative emotions and thoughts: Laboratory, diary, and longitudinal evidence. Journal of personality and
social psychology, 115(6), 1075.
281 Flett, G. L., & Hewitt, P. L. (2006). Positive versus negative perfectionism in psychopathology a
comment on Slade and Owens’s dual process model. Behavior modification, 30(4), 472-495.
282 Fedewa, B. A., Burns, L. R., & Gomez, A. A. (2005). Positive and negative perfectionism and the
shame/guilt distinction: Adaptive and maladaptive characteristics. Personality and individual differences,
38(7), 1609-1619.
283 Stoeber, J., & Otto, K. (2006). Positive conceptions of perfectionism: Approaches, evidence,
challenges. Personality and social psychology review,10(4), 295-319.
284 Kobori, O., & Tanno, Y. (2005). Self-oriented perfectionism and its relationship to positive and
negative affect: The mediation of positive and negative perfectionism cognitions. Cognitive Therapy and
Research, 29(5), 555-567.
285 Andrews, D. M., Burns, L. R., & Dueling, J. K. (2014). Positive perfectionism: Seeking the healthy
“should”, or should we?. Open Journal of Social Sciences, 2(08), 27.
286 Egan, S., Piek, J., Dyck, M., & Kane, R. (2011). The reliability and validity of the positive and negative
perfectionism scale. Clinical Psychologist, 15(3), 121-132.
287 Smith, C. F., Williamson, D. A., Bray, G. A., & Ryan, D. H. (1999). Flexible vs. rigid dieting strategies:
Relationship with adverse behavioral outcomes. Appetite, 32(3),295-305
INDEX
A
Acceptance and Commitment Theory (ACT)
as it relates to The Wise Five 204
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy 56
Anderson, Tim 164, 182
B
behavior change 14, 21
between meals , four skills matrix 60
Blake, Jennifer Vogelgesang 121
body image, acceptance and change 238
and The Wise Five 236
Boyle, Mike 125
breathing, importance and practice of 277
Brees, Annie 182
Brescia, Maryclaire 54
Brown, Brené 235
Buetel, Kara 54
C
calorie counting, pros and cons 44
Campbell, Jennifer 182
Campbell, Sarah 54
carbohydrates, importance in dieting and training 45
importance for high intensity exercise 76
cardio, adding to workouts 149
coaching, constructive and destructive elements 216
committed action, as part of The Wise Five 213
frequency of practice 234
conditioning, workout examples 151
connection, human, importance to well-being 212
contextual behavioral science (CBS) 56
as it relates to The Ten Turning Points 172
as it relates to The Wise Five 204
core, exercise selections for 123
Cowen, Alan 96, 229
cravings 67
vs hunger, how to distinguish 86–87
Crocker, Jennifer 211
D
David, Susan 204
defusion 91
and thoughts, examples of 92
by identifying an emotion 230
how to practice 97
noticing thoughts and emotional labeling 94
successful tool for 247
vs rigid control, examples of 232
ways to goldilocks this 98
dieting, cycle of failure 51–52
predictor of weight gain 41
pros and cons of each type 41
vs habits and skills 48
who it works for 47
don’t diet 38–41
Durant, Claire 73
during meals 17
four skills matrix 60
E
eat a meal every four to six hours 62–63
eating clean diet, pros and cons 43
eating skills 17–18, 58
how to fix getting seconds 269
practicing the uncomfortable 200
programs, appendix one 251
tracker 19–20
Ekman, Paul 229
emotional eating, to numb feelings 215
a discussion of the movie, Inside Out 229
and forced positivity 189
emotional labeling, effects on coping skills 95
engagement, flow, goldilocksing 24
Erickson, Cynthia 56
excellence. the practice of 176
exercise descriptions, appendix six 329
45° Double-Dumbbell Incline Press 332
75° Single-Dumbbell Incline Press 332
360 Breathing 279
Ball Body Saw 342
Band Dead Bug 341
Barbell Squat 335
Battling Ropes 344
Bear Crawl 344
Bretzel 346
Chin-up, full and assisted 334
Cossack Deadlift 339
Deadlift 338
Double-Cable Row 333
Double-Dumbbell Bench Press 331
Dumbbell Row 333
Goblet Squat 335
High to Low Cable Rotation 343
Hip Flexor Stretch 345
Horizontal Cable Rotation 343
Kettlebell Dead Bug 341
Low to High Cable Rotation 343
One-Arm Kettlebell Swing 337
Pallof Press 340
Pushup 342
Rear-foot-elevated Split Squat 336
Romanian Deadlift 338
Single-arm Lat Pulldown 334
Single-Cable Row 333
Single-Kettlebell Floor Press 331
Single-Kettlebell Military Press 332
Single-leg Deadlift 339
Single-leg Dumbbell Hip Bridge 279, 340
Split Squat 336
Staggered Deadlift 339
Trap Bar Deadlift 338
T-Spine Rotation 345
Two-kettlebell Squat 335
Walking Lunge 336
exercises, selection overview 123
form-specific mindfulness 132
external focus 129–130
F
failure, history of 25
and rep ranges 135
fear of 215
Failure Five, The, vs The Wise Five 206
as it relates to coaching 216
Fat Loss Happens on Monday, an update 245
for home workout programming 329
how much weight to use 127
movement progressions from 122
pushup variations from 126, 289
the habits from 56
who it worked for 246
fat percentage, nutrient research 75
Fear, Georgie 53
feelings wheel 96
Fisher, Roland 53
five senses experiencing, description of 67
flexible vs rigid, examples of 163, 232
in workout decisions 165–166
Flynn, Maureen 56
food tracker, 12-week sample 112
forced positivity, supressing unwanted thoughts 209
Four Skills Matrix, The 60
G
Galbraith, Molly 12
Girls Gone Strong 11
goals, vs values 27
effectiveness in weight loss 154
internal vs external 193
in weight or strength, a discussion 240
setting, effectiveness off 21
vs actions 195
the paradox of 193
goldilocksing 182
skills, examples of 180
workouts 183
grit, vs flexibility 167
and emotional eating 231
Groundhog Day, the movie, a discussion of values 237
guidelines, use of 17–18
combining skills with 107
component skills 61
deliberate self-care 72, 85
eat a meal every four to six hours, without snacking 18
eat a meal guide, full description of 66
eating, differences between guidelines 58
eating without screens, details of 82
plate balanced portions 18, 74, 79
plate healthy portions, full details 81
programs, appendix one 251
put the fork down, full details 83
starting intuitive eating 58
turn off screens and go to bed 73
vs listen to your body skills 109
vs skills, when to use each 60
wait 10 minutes before a snack 68, 84
H
Harris, Russ 211
Hayes, Steven 97, 213
Healthy Eating Plate 16, 74
as part of a personal trainer’s scope of practice 218
Hefferon, Kate 211
horizontal pull, exercise selection for 123
horizontal push, exercise selection for 123
HPA Axis, how the stress system works 192
humane burpee 36
hunger, optimal levels of 90
I
if/then planning, description and examples of 21
effective vs ineffective 141
for external vs internal obstacles 142
research on 140
implementation intention 21
Inside Out, the movie, a discussion of accepting emotions 228
intermittent fasting, pros and cons 41
internal focus 129
comparison with external focus 130
intuitive eating 56–58
vs mindful decision making 107
vs objectification 186
Ivtzan, Itai 211
J
John, Dan, dedication to vii
discussing The Gnoll Credo 136
humane burpee 36–37
pirate maps 59
the red/yellow/green life stress system 236
“We can do better” quote 246
K
Keltner, Dacher 96, 229
Kessel, Richard 57
ketogenic diet, pros and cons 42
vs high carb diet, research on 76
Koski, Lauren 182
L
Lean Habits, book by Georgie Fear 53
Ledbetter, Steven 53
Lederle, Kat 73
life stress, rating with the “lights” system 235
listen to your body 17–18
and intuitive eating 56–58
and portion sizes 80
and social eating 110
between meal skills 86
check in on future fullness, details of 101
component skill list 61
distinguish feelings, full details 88
during meals, details of 99
eating on vacation 110
five-senses experiencing, details of 104
how to combine skills 107
inability to “hear” 111
notice and wait, full details 89–90
notice flavor enjoyment, details of 102
notice when full, details about 18, 99–100
one hour after eating, details of 104
skills vs guidelines 109
troubleshooting common issues 108
Lomas, Tim 211
M
macronutrient percentages, research on optimal 76
macro tracking diet, pros and cons 44
Manson, Mark 226
Meadows, Guy 73
meal planning diet, pros and cons 44
Mediterranean diet, pros and cons 43
Meta-skills, how to practice 38
if/then planning 140
Milkman, Harvey 57
mindful decision making, vs intuitive eating 107
mindfulness, in food decisions vs guidelines 106
ability varies 130
and eating 56
comparison of internal vs external 131
eating, see also intuitive eating 58
five senses, use of, details 103
of exercise form 132
mobility work 125–126
motivation, internal vs external 155
and contingent self-esteem 202
and self-determination 201
reward and punishment 207
the “hating yourself” motivation 239
the mistake of waiting for it 215
the pursuit of self-esteem 207–208
movement categories 122
MyPlate, USDA 74, 218
O
objectification vs intuitive eating 186
obstacles, common examples of 185
planning for 21
One by One Nutrition 53, 56
optimism vs pessimism vs openness 190
P
pairing movements, supersets, samples of 127
paleo diet, pros and cons 42
Paoli, Carl 200
Park, Lora 211
perfectionism, vs excellence 23
in workouts 179
is the practice of quitting 176
research on 175
vs practicing excellence and self-compassion 24,174
when to practice saying yes 162
periodization, introduction to 119
block, linear, undulating 145–147
research on 145
personal trainers, how The Failure Five relates 216
nutrition scope of practice 218
psychology scope of practice 218
Pink, Daniel 204
pirate map, for weight loss 59
plate balanced portions, as a guideline 16
details of guideline 75–78
plating sub-skills 77
plate healthy portions, guideline description 81
Plutchik, Robert 96
point system diet, pros and cons 44
Prinstein, Mitch 210
processed food, versus unprocessed food 46
protein, research on 76–77
psychological flexibility, as it relates to The Wise Five 204
pushups, progressions of 126
pyramids of leanness and strength 39
R
relaxation skills 129
vs tension skills 134
rep ranges, high vs low 135
research on 145
strong vs fit vs lean 148
rigidity, vs flexibility, listing of examples 232
in workout beliefs, see also flexible vs rigid 166
Robb, Kaitlin 96
Rocheleau, Courtney 57
Rohn, Jim 226
Roosevelt, Theodore 234
S
Schoenfeld, Brad 144
screens and eating, research on 82
self-care, importance and practice of 25
coping strategies 70
three types of 70–71
self-compassion, as part of The Ten Turning Points 24
vs perfectionism 177
Self-Determination Theory (SDT) 56
and motivation 201
as it relates to The Wise Five 204
internal vs external motivation 155
intrinsic motivation research 195
the four types of motivation 203
single-leg strength, making a case for 125
Sinkler, Jen 121
skills, benefits of 53
eating and workout 38
five-senses engagement 68
vs diets 52
vs habits 49, 54
skills tracker, sample of 29
and if/then planning 143
skills vs guidelines, when to use which 60
sleep deprivation and stress 72
snacking, and actual hunger 63
and sleep deprivation 73
and weight control 62
choices, pros and cons 64
one deliberate snack 64
psychology of 63
vs engagement 67
specific form cues, description of 129
split-stance variations, making a case for 125
squat, exercise selection for 123
Stanton, J. 136
strength, workout planning 49
stress eater, when to practice saying no 162
supersets, samples of pairs 127
T
tension skills, description of 129
vs relaxation 134
Ten Turning Points, The, details of 171–172
engagement, flow, goldilocksing 23–24
the “lights” system 235
The Sleep Book 73
thoughts, and defusion, examples of 92
and emotions, acceptance of 228
and feelings, acceptance of, part of The Wise Five 212
Tsatsouline, Pavel 134, 329
two-leg hip hinge, exercise selection for 123
U
Unfulfilled Five, The, vs The Wise Five 214
use a guideline, component skills 61
V
values, listings table of 28
and flexibility in choices 165
balancing of 158
driving intrinsic motivation 27
for workouts, for eating 159
internal vs external 193
journal reflection toward 219
making decisions based on 153, 158
taking perspective, advanced reflections 222
vs goals 153, 193
vegan diet, pros and cons 43
vertical pull, exercise selection for 123
vertical push, exercise selection for 123
volume, in workouts, low, medium, or high 148
W
walking, in addition to the workouts 150
warmups, sample, appendix two 277
weight gain or loss, actions causing 57
habits vs skills 59
Wise Five, The, full details of 204
a continuum 242
how to coach these 217
intrinsic motivation 38
personal values 27
vs The Failure Five 206
workout guidelines, overview 121
exercise selection 122
weight selection 127
workouts, first month of 32
advanced, appendix five 309
as punishment 25
barbells vs dumbbells vs kettlebells 124
beginner, appendix three 281
conditioning workout examples 151
for getting lean 120
how much weight to use 127
intermediate, appendix four 289
main program and alternates 151
post-workout reflection 136
program planning 119
rep range selection 129, 135
stance variations 125
styles of training 121
supersets, samples of 127
variations vs progressions 123
where to start 149
workout skills, overview 121
breakdown of each 129
Worth, Piers 211