Guiding to Creative Writing Building simple sentences with individual words - Jessica fell. - Jessica fell in love. - Jessica fell in love with Henry. - Jessica almost immediately fell in love with Henry. - Jessica and her sister almost immediately fell in love with Henry. - Jessica and her younger sister Victoria almost immediately fell in love with the dashing Henry Goodyear. - Jessica and her lively younger sister Victoria almost immediately fell hopelessly in love with the very dashing and mysterious Henry Goodyear. [AUTHOR NAME] 1 Guiding to Creative Writing Selecting concrete or abstract words Abstract: Concrete: - The ocean was beautiful. - The wind blew across the ocean and whipped it into white, frothy peaks. - The mountain was awesome. - The mountain seemed to dominate the landscape, with the ragged outcroppings in stark contrast to the green valley below. - The man looked happy. - The corners of his mouth turned up into a wide grin. Abstract words – beauty, truth, justice, and so on – refer to ideas, qualities, or conditions that cannot be perceived by the senses. Concrete words, on the other hand, convey a vivid picture by naming things that readers can see, hear, taste, smell, or touch. Abstract words are often too general to communicate much about real things. Concrete words are specific: they get your point across. [AUTHOR NAME] 2 Guiding to Creative Writing Of course, as with general and specific words, whether a word is abstract or concrete is relative. The more concrete your words and phrases, the more vivid the image you evoke in the reader. In the following paragraph, Annie Dillard uses concrete diction to create a vivid picture. • Where Tinker Creek flows under the sycamore log bridge to the tear-shaped island, it is slow and shallow, fringed thinly in cattail marsh. At this spot an astonishing bloom of life supports vast breeding populations of insects, fish, reptiles, birds, and mammals. On windless summer evenings I stalk along the creek bank or straddle the sycamore log in absolute stillness, watching for muskrats. The night I stayed too late I was hunched on the log staring spellbound at spreading, reflected stains of lilac on the water. A cloud in the sky suddenly lighted as if turned on by a switch; its reflection just as suddenly materialized on the water upstream, flat and floating, so that I couldn’t see the creek bottom, or life in the water under the cloud. Downstream, away from the cloud on the water, water turtles smooth as beans were gliding down with the current in a series of easy, weightless push-offs, as men bound on the moon. I didn’t know whether to trace the progress of one turtle I was sure of, risking sticking my face in one of the bridge’s spider webs made invisible by the gathering dark, or take a chance on seeing the carp, or scan the mudbank in hope of seeing a muskrat, or follow the last of the swallows who caught at my heart and trailed it after them like streamers as they appeared from directly below, under the log flung upstream with their tails forked, so fast. (Annie Dillard, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek) Because Dillard uses strong, sharp sensory details, reading this passage is like seeing a color photograph of the scene. We need abstract words to discuss concepts. The works of many great writers concentrate on abstractions such as truth, faith and beauty. But because such terms provide no tangible details, they can create problems for student writers, who often use them – without concrete supporting detail – as a cover for fuzzy, inexact thinking. [AUTHOR NAME] 3 Guiding to Creative Writing 1. Good writing usually describes the abstract with concrete details. In the following paragraph the overuse of abstract words does not conceal the lack of concrete detail. Too abstract: The Balzac Monument is Rodin’s most daring creation. The figure is unusual. Balzac is wrapped in a cloak in an interesting way. He has an unusual expression on his face. • Why is the figure of Balzac unusual? What is interesting about the way the cloak wraps the figure? What is the unusual expression on Balzac’s face? When concrete words replace abstract words, the passage in much more informative. More Concrete: The Balzac Monument is Rodin’s most daring creation. The figure is large and resembles a ghost or specter. Balzac seems to tower above us so that from a distance we see only his great size. Upon closer inspection we see that Balzac is wrapped in a cloak. From the indistinct lines of the cloak, Balzac’s head emerges godlike, with eyes that stare off into the distance. 2. Vague diction often results when you use utility words – abstract terms like nice, great, and terrific – that say nothing and could be used in almost any sentence. These words indicate only enthusiasm. Replace them with more concrete words. Vague: The movie was nice. Better: The movie was entertaining. [AUTHOR NAME] 4 Guiding to Creative Writing Selecting specific or general words Specific words signify particular examples of persons, things, or events, while general words signify an entire class or group. Queen Elizabeth II, for example, is more specific than monarch; topcoat is mor specific than clothes; and Corvette is more specific than automobile. General words are, of course, useful. Statements than use general words to describe entire classes of things or events are often necessary to convey a point. But such statements must also include specific words for support and clarity. Using general words when specific words are needed results in vagueness. If you want your readers to visualize a certain building – say, the new wing of the National Gallery in Washington, D.C. – it is not enough to say that it has “an unusual shape”. If you want your audience to “see” Picasso’s Guernica, you must do more than note its “interesting imagery” and “vivid colors”. Why imagery? What colors? What else can you say about it? You must use specific words to convey information to your readers whenever you can. Whether a word is general or specific is relative, determined by its relationship to other words. The following word chains illustrate increasing specificity, with the word farthest to the left denoting a general category or class and the one farthest to the right, a specific, tangible member of that class. [AUTHOR NAME] 5 Guiding to Creative Writing History – American history – Civil War history – History 263 Apparel – accessory – tie – bow tie Human being – official – president – Thomas Jefferson Reading matter – book – nonfiction book – The Fate of the Earth Machine – vehicle – train – bullet train The more specific your choice of words, the more vivid your writing will be. The essayist E. B. White uses specific diction in this paragraph: • Most of the time she simply rode in a standing position, well aft of the beast, her hands hanging easily at her sides, her head erect, her straw-colored ponytail lightly brushing her shoulders, the blood of exertion showing faintly through the tan of her skin. Twice she managed a one-foot stance – a sort of ballet pose, with arms outstretched. At one point the neck strap of her bathing suit broke and she went twice around the ring in the classic attitude of a woman making minor repairs to a garment. The fact that she was standing on the back of a moving horse while doing this invested the matter with a clownish significance that perfectly fitted the spirit of the circus – jocund, yet charming. She just rolled the strap into a neat ball and stowed it inside her bodice while the horse rocked and rolled beneath her in dutiful innocence. The bathing suit proved as self-reliant as its owner and stood up well enough without benefit of strap. (E. B. White, “Points of My Compass”) White selects specific words and phrases calculated to bring into focus his experience of the young woman and her actions. Here is how the paragraph would read if White had used general words to tell his story: • Most of the time she rode in a standing position with her hands down at her sides. Twice she managed an off stance. At one point an article of her clothing broke, but she managed to solve the problem and continued to ride. [AUTHOR NAME] 6 Guiding to Creative Writing Using Figurative Language Language that adheres to fact is called literal language. But when writers want to express their personal reactions, they often must go beyond literal meanings. They do so by using figurative languages – language that uses imaginative comparisons called figures. A writer who wanted to express his or her feelings upon seeing the moon could say, “The moon came up fast and was beautiful, large, and white.” Figurative language is more expressive: “The moon rose quickly and hung in the sky like a papier-mâché ball.” Here the comparison conveys the writer’s feelings vividly. Figurative language is not just for literary writing; it has its place in journalism, in academic writing, and even in scientific and technical writing. Although you should not overuse figurative language, do not be afraid to use it when you think it will help you communicate with a reader. The five most commonly used figures of speech are simile, metaphor, analogy, personification, and allusion. [AUTHOR NAME] 7 Guiding to Creative Writing 1. Constructing similes A simile is a comparison between two essentially unlike items on the basis of a shared quality. Similes are introduced by a term such as like or as. Simile: Like travelers with exotic destinations on their minds, the graduates were remarkably forceful. Simile: He stared at his hands while I thought about my father who has been opened and closed on the operating table like a book whose first page proves too difficult. Simile: We live in a single-wide trailer shaped like a Velveeta cheese box and made of white metal. Simile: A cloud in the sky suddenly lighted as if turned on by a switch. These figures present readers with images that enhance their understanding. Without them, the preceding sentences would fall flat. The graduates were remarkably forceful. He stared at his hands while I thought about my father who had just been operated on. We live in a single-wide trailer made of white metal. A cloud in the sky suddenly grew bright. [AUTHOR NAME] 8 Guiding to Creative Writing A simile must compare two dissimilar things. The following sentence is not a simile: My dog is like your dog. But this sentence is: My dog is as sleek as a seashell. [AUTHOR NAME] 9 Guiding to Creative Writing 2. Constructing metaphors A metaphor also compares two essentially dissimilar things, but instead of saying that one thing is like another, it equates them. Here is a metaphor from student essay: - My mother was a beacon illuminating my childhood. In this metaphor the subject mother is equated with, and enhanced by, the image a beacon illuminating my childhood. With one effective image, the student sums up his feelings about his mother. Metaphors are more compressed than similes, and when used successfully, they have great impact. They clarify thought and convey ideas with startling efficiency. Notice the use of metaphors in the following sentences. - The high grey-flannel fog of winter closed off the Salinas Valley from the sky and all the rest of the world. - In its first days of operation, a new telescope orbiting the earth has returned infrared images showing previously unobserved features of distant galaxies and revealing cosmic “maternity wards” where clouds of interstellar gas appear at various stages of giving birth to stars. - Perhaps it is easy for those who have never felt the stinging darts of segregation to say, “Wait”. - Science and technology like all creations of the human spirit are unpredictable. If we had a reliable way to label our toys good and bad, it would be easy to regulate technology wisely. [AUTHOR NAME] 10 Guiding to Creative Writing NOTE: For a metaphor to work, it has to employ images with which readers are familiar. If the comparison is too remote, readers will miss the point entirely. If it is too common, it will become a cliche. [AUTHOR NAME] 11 Guiding to Creative Writing 3. Constructing analogies In an analogy you explain an unfamiliar object of idea by comparing it to a more familiar one. - An atom is like a miniature solar system. - Robert Frost said that writing free verse is like playing tennis without a net. - The circulatory system runs through the body like a network of rivers and streams. Analogies can extend over several sentences or even several paragraphs. Extended analogies resemble comparison-and-contrast paragraphs with one important difference: whereas comparisons give equal weight to both things being compared, extended analogies use one part of the comparison for the sole purpose of shedding light on the other. Here is how one author uses the behavior of people to explain the behavior of ants. [AUTHOR NAME] 12 Guiding to Creative Writing Ants are so much like human beings as to be an embarrassment. They farm fungi, raise aphids as livestock, launch armies into wars, use chemical sprays to alarm and confuse enemies, capture slaves. The families of weaver ants engage in child labor, holding their larvae like shuttles to spin out the thread that sews the leaves together for their fungus gardens. They exchange information ceaselessly. They do everything but watch television. NOTE: Analogies work only when the subjects you are comparing have something in common. If you compare things that are too dissimilar, your analogy will not hold up. Drawing an analogy between tables and ants would be a problem. But explaining ants by comparing them to people – both social animals – works. [AUTHOR NAME] 13 Guiding to Creative Writing 4. Using personification Personification gives an idea or inanimate object human attributes, feelings, or powers. We use personification every day in expressions like: - The wind whispered through the trees. - The engine coughed loudly. - The river moved lazily. - The ocean pounded the shore. - The leaves danced in the wind. - Love is blind. Personification can make an entity that is abstract or hard to describe more concrete and familiar. By doing so, it also makes your writing more precise and more interesting. [AUTHOR NAME] 14 Guiding to Creative Writing - Wit is lean creature with a sharp inquiring nose. - Truth strikes us from behind, and in the dark, as well as from before in broad daylight. - One night I was allowed to stay up until the stars were in full command of the sky. - Institutions, no longer able to grasp firmly what is expected of them and what they are, grow slovenly and misshapen and wander away from their appointed tasks in the Constitutional scheme. [AUTHOR NAME] 15 Guiding to Creative Writing 5. Using allusion An allusion is a reference to a well-known historical or literary person or event. Allusion enriches a reader’s understanding of your writing by comparing one subject to another that in some resembles it. Suppose that you title an essay you have written about your personal goals “Miles to Go Before I Sleep”. By reminding your readers of the concluding lines of Robert Frost’s poem “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening”, you suggest your determination and self-discipline. Literary allusions enrich your expression of feelings. Biblical allusions allow you to express a moral attitude (“Eyes have thay, but they see not”). Historical allusions, such as “When Robert Vesco decided to battle the government, he set the scene for his Dunkirk”, elucidate current events by drawing parallels between a current event (Vesco’s battle) and an event of historical importance (the retreat of the Allies during WW II) Once again, for an allusion to work, readers must know what you are alluding to. Family jokes, expressions that your friends use, and esoteric references mean nothing to a general audience. [AUTHOR NAME] 16 Guiding to Creative Writing Avoiding ineffective Figures of Speech Effective figures of speech enrich your diction. Ineffective figures of speech – dead metaphors or similes, mixed metaphors, strained metaphors, overblown imagery – seriously damage it. 1. Avoiding dead metaphors and similes Metaphors and similes stimulate thought by calling up vivid images in a reader’s mind. A dead metaphor or simile has been so overused that it calls up no image. It has become a pat, meaningless cliché. Here are some examples: - Beyond a shadow of a doubt - Crying shame - Sit on the fence - The bottom line - Green with envy - Pull up stakes - Off the track - The last straw - Off the beaten path - A shot in the arm - Smooth sailing - Blind as a bat - Dead as a doornail - Up in arms - Sink or swim Avoid dead metaphors and similes by taking the time to think of images that make your writing fresher and more vivid. [AUTHOR NAME] 17 Guiding to Creative Writing 2. Revising mixed metaphors A mixed metaphor results when you combine two or more incompatible images in a single figure of speech. Mixed images leave readers wondering what you are trying to say, or leave them laughing. Mixed: The German army advanced ravenously and swept away all opposition. (ravenously sweeping?) Mixed: The president extended an olive branch in an attempt to break some of the ice between the United States and the Soviet Union. (break the ice with an olive branch?) When you revise mixed metaphors, make your imagery consistent. Notice that in the revised versions of the preceding sentences the message is clear. Revised: The German army advanced ravenously and devoured all opposition. Revised: The president extended an olive branch with the hope that the leaders of the Soviet Union would take it up. [AUTHOR NAME] 18 Guiding to Creative Writing Mixed: Like a school of great fish plying the blue depths of the sea, the silver planes passed overhead, each dutiful bird following the leader of the flock. [The first figure likens the planes to fish; the second likens them to birds.] Better: Like a school of great fish plying the blue depths of the sea, the silver planes passed overhead, each dutiful fish following the leader of the flock. Mixed: His face reddened as mountains waves of embarrassment broke over him, all but drying up the little confidence he had. [Mountainous waves are water; they would hardly “dry up” anything.] Better: His face reddened as mountains waves of embarrassment broke over him, all but washing up the little confidence he had. [AUTHOR NAME] 19 Guiding to Creative Writing 3. Revising strained metaphors A strained metaphor compares two things that do not have enough in common to justify the comparison or whose connotations do not match. Strained: The wind rose in the morning like a giant getting out of bed. Strained: The plane was a fragment of candy falling through the sky. How is the wind like a giant? And in what sense is a plane comparable to a piece of candy? By comparing things that have a strong basis of comparison, the following revisions create effective metaphors. Revised: The wind rose in the morning like a great wave. Revised: The plane was wounded bird falling through the sky. [AUTHOR NAME] 20 Guiding to Creative Writing 4. Revising overblown imagery Overblown, pretentious diction is always out of place. By calling attention to itself, it draws readers away from the point you are making. The Tammany Society [a political association] was an all-engulfing weed that rapidly overran and choked New York City’s political gardens. Times were filled with danger for those who dared protest this corruption. Even the champion of the people – The Sun refused to encourage the few flowers that dared to rear their heads in that field of briars. Although the situation improved somewhat in the hands of skillful gardeners, much corruption existed for years to come. This overblown imagery obscures the writer’s meaning. Comparing Tammany to a weed is certainly valid, but here it is the imagery that has grown like one. Compare this paragraph, revised for clarity and consistency. The Tammany Society was a weed that quickly overran New York City. Times were hard for those who dared to speak against its spread; even The Sun did not encourage reformers. Although the situation improved somewhat in the hands of reform-minded politicians, much corruption existed for years to come. [AUTHOR NAME] 21 Guiding to Creative Writing Exercise 1: Read the following paragraph from Mark Twain’s Life on the Mississippi and identify as many figures of speech as you can. Now when I had mastered the language of this water, and had come to know every trifling feature that bordered the great river as familiarly as I knew the letters of the alphabet, I had made a valuable acquisition. But I had lost something, too. I had lost something which could never be restored to me while I lived. All the grace, the beauty, the poetry, had gone out of the majestic river! I still keep in mind a certain wonderful sunset which I witnessed when steam boating was new to me. A broad expanse of the river was turned to blood; in the middle distance the red hue brightened into gold, through which a solitary log came floating black and conspicuous; in one place a long, slanting mark lay sparkling upon the water; in another the surface was broken by boiling, tumbling rings, that were as many-tinted as an opal; where the ruddy flush was faintest, was a smooth spot that was covered with graceful circles and radiating lines, ever so delicately traced; the shore on our left was densely wooded, and the somber shadow that fell from this forest was broken in one place by a long ruffled trail that shone like silver; and high above the forest wall a clean-stemmed dead tree waved a single leafy bough that glowed like a flame in the unobstructed splendor that was flowing from the sun. There were graceful curves, reflected images, woody heights, soft distances; and over the whole scene, far and near, the dissolving lights drifted steadily, enriching it every passing moment with new marvels of coloring. [AUTHOR NAME] 22 Guiding to Creative Writing Exercise 2: Rewrite the following sentences, adding one of the figures of speech just discussed above to each sentence to make the ideas more vivid and exciting. Make sure that you identify the technique you use and that you use each of the five figures of speech at least once. Example: The night was cool and still. The night was cool and still like the inside of a cathedral. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. The child was small and carelessly groomed. I wanted to live life to its fullest. The December morning was bright and cloudy. As I walked, I saw a cloud floating in the sky. House cats can be a lot like tigers. The sunset turned the lake red. The street was quiet except at the hour when the school at the corner let out. A shopping mall is a place where teenagers like to gather. The president faced an angry Senate. Education is a long process that takes much hard work. Exercise 3: Revise this paragraph from a job application by substituting specific, concrete language for general or abstract words and phrases • I have had several part-time jobs lately. Some of them would quality me for the position you advertised. In my most recent job, I sold products in a store. My supervisor said I was a good worker who possessed a number of valuable qualities. I am used to dealing with different types of people in different types of settings. I feel that my qualifications would make me a good candidate for your job. [AUTHOR NAME] 23 Guiding to Creative Writing Exercise 4: Good writing usually mixes specific and general words and abstract and concrete words. Read the following passage and underline words that are specific and concrete. How do they make the paragraph more effective? Are any general and abstract words used? How do they function? What impression does the writer want to convey? Near the end of March, 1845, I borrowed an axe and went down to the woods by Walden Pond, nearest to where I intended to build my house, and began to cut down some tall arrowy white pines, still in their youth, for timber. It is difficult to begin without borrowing, but perhaps it is the most generous course thus to permit your fellowmen to have an interest in your enterprise. The owner of the axe, as he released his hold on it, said that it was the apple of his eye; but I returned it sharper than I received it. It was a pleasant hillside where I worked, covered with pine woods, through which I looked out on the pond, and a small open field in the woods where pines and hickories were springing up. The ice in the pond was not yet dissolved, though there were some open spaces, and it was all dark colored and saturated with water. There were some slight flurries of snow during the days that I worked there; but for the most part when I came out on to the railroad, on my way home, its yellow sand heap stretched away gleaming in the hazy atmosphere, and the rails shone in the spring sun, and I heard the lark and pewee and other birds already come to commence another year with us. They were pleasant spring days, in which the winter of man’s discontent was thawing as well as the earth, and the life that had lain torpid began to stretch itself. (Henry David Thoreau, Walden) [AUTHOR NAME] 24
