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Kévin Moënn
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TheCheatSh
I receive 300+ cold emails every month.
Most of them make the same mistakes. I took 13 cold emails. Broke them down. And re-wrote them for you.
8,500+ people were able to write better Sales prospection
emails with these break downs.
Consultants charge thousands of dollars for this.
I give even more value about Sales, Marketing & Product on:
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
Share it with your friends & team, they’ll thank you:
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4
0
100
Cold email break down
Part 1
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
I received this email:
Gain new clients with our proven acquisition
solutions External
jpre...@conflux-digital.co.uk
to kevin
Hi team,
I hope all is well with you.
Really excited to connect with Signature Car Hire.
For context, I'm James, the founder of Conflux-creative, an
innovative marketing agency with a simple mission to streamline
client acquisition for our partners.
From my experience, the exotic car rental niche is one of the
most underserved service-based businesses and many of
your competitors fail to effectively market their brand to attract
the right clientele.
Kevin-mlz
client acquisition for our partners.
The rest of it :
From my experience, the exotic car rental niche is one of the
most underserved service-based businesses and many of
your competitors fail to effectively market their brand to attract
the right clientele.
With the recent changes to IOS 15, users can block
oncoming adverts, promotions, and data tracking. Failure to
navigate Facebook's strict policy will result in not only wasted
investment on ad spend but the potential to have your
Facebook page banned permanently.
My team and I are confident we're the solution to helping you
create killer campaigns time and time again. In fact, we're so
confident that if we fail to deliver 22 new leads to you within
the first month I will personally refund you 100% of our fee.
I'm sure you get asked to 'jump on a meeting' all the time.
Instead, would you be open to me creating a 5-7 minute brand
audit before taking the first call?
Let’s color
audit the email:
About your leads
About yourself
Intriguing
Sounds Fake
Fluff
Salesy
Let’s run it through a
quick color audit:
About your leads
Intriguing
Fluff
About yourself
Sounds Fake
Salesy
Gain new clients with our proven acquisition
solutions External
jpre...@conflux-digital.co.uk
to kevin
Hi team,
I hope all is well with you.
Really excited to connect with Signature Car Hire.
For context, I'm James, the founder of Conflux-creative, an
innovative marketing agency with a simple mission to streamline
client acquisition for our partners.
From my experience, the exotic car rental niche is one of the
most underserved service-based businesses and many of
your competitors fail to effectively market their brand to attract
the right clientele.
Really excited to connect with Signature Car Hire.
Let’s run it through a
quick color audit:
For context, I'm James, the founder of Conflux-creative, an
innovative marketing agency with a simple mission to streamline
client acquisition for our partners.
From my experience, the exotic car rental niche is one of the
most underserved service-based businesses and many of
About
your leadsfail to effectively market their brand to
lu attract
your
competitors
the
rightyoursel
clientele.
About
f
Intriguing
F
ff
Sounds Fake
Salesy
With the recent changes to IOS 15, users can block
oncoming adverts, promotions, and data tracking. Failure to
navigate Facebook's strict policy will result in not only wasted
investment on ad spend but the potential to have your
Facebook page banned permanently.
My team and I are confident we're the solution to helping you
create killer campaigns time and time again. In fact, we're so
confident that if we fail to deliver 22 new leads to you within
the first month I will personally refund you 100% of our fee.
I'm sure you get asked to 'jump on a meeting' all the time.
Instead, would you be open to me creating a 5-7 minute brand
audit before taking the first call?
What I like
about it:
Really excited to connect with Signature Car Hire.
For context, I'm James, the founder of Conflux-creative, an
innovative marketing agency with a simple mission to streamline
client acquisition for our partners.
It mentions industry news with
From my15”
experience,
the exotic
car rental
niche
isout)
one of the
“IOS
(even
if
IOS
16
is
most underserved service-based businesses and many of
your competitors fail to effectively market their brand to attract
the right clientele.
With the recent changes to IOS 15, users can block
oncoming adverts, promotions, and data tracking. Failure to
navigate Facebook's strict policy will result in not only wasted
investment on ad spend but the potential to have your
Facebook page banned permanently.
My team and I are confident we're the solution to helping you
create killer campaigns time and time again. In fact, we're so
confident that if we fail to deliver 22 new leads to you within
the first month I will personally refund you 100% of our fee.
I'm sure you get asked to 'jump on a meeting' all the time.
Instead, would you be open to me creating a 5-7 minute brand
audit before taking the first call?
Really excited to connect with Signature Car Hire.
For context, I'm James, the founder of Conflux-creative, an
innovative marketing agency with a simple mission to streamline
client acquisition for our partners.
It focuses on the fear of losing
my experience,(stronger
the exotic car rental
niche isthe
one of the
adsFrom
results
than
most underserved service-based businesses and many of
desire
of
gain)
your competitors
fail to effectively market their brand to attract
the right clientele.
With the recent changes to IOS 15, users can block
oncoming adverts, promotions, and data tracking. Failure to
navigate Facebook's strict policy will result in not only wasted
investment on ad spend but the potential to have your
Facebook page banned permanently.
My team and I are confident we're the solution to helping you
create killer campaigns time and time again. In fact, we're so
confident that if we fail to deliver 22 new leads to you within
the first month I will personally refund you 100% of our fee.
I'm sure you get asked to 'jump on a meeting' all the time.
Instead, would you be open to me creating a 5-7 minute brand
audit before taking the first call?
Really excited to connect with Signature Car Hire.
For context, I'm James, the founder of Conflux-creative, an
innovative marketing agency with a simple mission to streamline
client acquisition for our partners.
He tries to give an From my experience,
the exotic car rental niche is one of the
irresistible
offer
most underserved service-based businesses and many of
your competitors fail to effectively market their brand to attract
the right clientele.
With the recent changes to IOS 15, users can block
oncoming adverts, promotions, and data tracking. Failure to
navigate Facebook's strict policy will result in not only wasted
investment on ad spend but the potential to have your
Facebook page banned permanently.
My team and I are confident we're the solution to helping you
create killer campaigns time and time again. In fact, we're so
confident that if we fail to deliver 22 new leads to you within
the first month I will personally refund you 100% of our fee.
I'm sure you get asked to 'jump on a meeting' all the time.
Instead, would you be open to me creating a 5-7 minute brand
audit before taking the first call?
Really excited to connect with Signature Car Hire.
For context, I'm James, the founder of Conflux-creative, an
innovative marketing agency with a simple mission to streamline
client acquisition for our partners.
He doesn’t ask for a call from
my experience,
the exotic car rental niche is one of the
theFrom
first
message
most underserved service-based businesses and many of
your competitors fail to effectively market their brand to attract
the right clientele.
With the recent changes to IOS 15, users can block
oncoming adverts, promotions, and data tracking. Failure to
navigate Facebook's strict policy will result in not only wasted
investment on ad spend but the potential to have your
Facebook page banned permanently.
My team and I are confident we're the solution to helping you
create killer campaigns time and time again. In fact, we're so
confident that if we fail to deliver 22 new leads to you within
the first month I will personally refund you 100% of our fee.
I'm sure you get asked to 'jump on a meeting' all the time.
Instead, would you be open to me creating a 5-7 minute brand
audit before taking the first call?
What can
be improved:
It’s way too long, most
people will just skip it
Gain new clients with our proven acquisition
solutions External
jpre...@conflux-digital.co.uk
to kevin
Hi team,
Hi team,
I hope all is well with you.
I hope all is well with you.
Really excited to connect with Signature Car Hire.
Really excited to connect with Signature Car Hire.
For context,
context,I'I'mmJames,
James,thethefounder
founderofofConflux-creative,
Conflux-creative,an an
For
innovativemarketing
marketingagency
agencywith
witha asimple
simplemission
missionto streamline
to streamline
innovative
client acquisition
acquisitionforforourourpartners.
partners.
client
From my
myexperience,
experience,thetheexotic
exoticcarcarrental
rentalniche
nicheis one
is oneof the
of the
From
most underserved
underservedservice-based
service-basedbusinesses
businessesandandmany
manyof of
most
your competitors
competitorsfailfailtotoeffectively
effectivelymarket
markettheirtheirbrand
brandto attract
to attract
your
the right
rightclientele.
clientele.
the
With the recent changes to IOS 15, users can block
oncoming adverts, promotions, and data tracking. Failure to
navigate Facebook's strict policy will result in not only wasted
investment on ad spend but the potential to have your
Facebook page banned permanently.
My team and I are confident we're the solution to helping you
create killer campaigns time and time again. In fact, we're so
confident that if we fail to deliver 22 new leads to you within
the first month I will personally refund you 100% of our fee.
I'm sure you get asked to ' ump on a meeting' all the time.
Instead, would you be open to me creating a 5- minute brand
audit before taking the first call
j
7
?
The targeting is completely
off, I’m not an exotic car rental
Gain new clients with our proven acquisition
solutions External
jpre...@conflux-digital.co.uk
to kevin
Hi team,
I hope all is well with you.
Really excited to connect with Signature Car Hire.
For context, I'm James, the founder of Conflux-creative, an
innovative marketing agency with a simple mission to streamline
client acquisition for our partners.
From my experience, the exotic car rental niche is one of the
most underserved service-based businesses and many of
your competitors fail to effectively market their brand to attract
the right clientele.
It starts w/ “Hi team“ when
it’s only sent to me
Gain new clients with our proven acquisition
solutions External
jpre...@conflux-digital.co.uk
to kevin
Hi team,
I hope all is well with you.
Really excited to connect with Signature Car Hire.
For context, I'm James, the founder of Conflux-creative, an
innovative marketing agency with a simple mission to streamline
client acquisition for our partners.
From my experience, the exotic car rental niche is one of the
most underserved service-based businesses and many of
your competitors fail to effectively market their brand to attract
the right clientele.
There is no real
personalization.
Gain new clients with our proven acquisition
solutions External
jpre...@conflux-digital.co.uk
to kevin
Hi team,
I hope all is well with you.
Really excited to connect with Signature Car Hire.
For context, I'm James, the founder of Conflux-creative, an
innovative marketing agency with a simple mission to streamline
client acquisition for our partners.
From my experience, the exotic car rental niche is one of the
most underserved service-based businesses and many of
your competitors fail to effectively market their brand to attract
the right clientele.
It lacks trust. No Profile
picture or LinkedIn profile in
the signature.
Gain new clients with our proven acquisition
solutions External
jpre...@conflux-digital.co.uk
to kevin
Hi team,
I hope all is well with you.
Really excited to connect with Signature Car Hire.
For context, I'm James, the founder of Conflux-creative, an
innovative marketing agency with a simple mission to streamline
client acquisition for our partners.
From my experience, the exotic car rental niche is one of the
most underserved service-based businesses and many of
your competitors fail to effectively market their brand to attract
the right clientele.
Too much fluff in the
message
Gain new clients with our proven acquisition
solutions External
jpre...@conflux-digital.co.uk
to kevin
Hi team,
I hope all is well with you.
Really excited to connect with Signature Car Hire.
For context, I'm James, the founder of Conflux-creative, an
innovative marketing agency with a simple mission to streamline
client acquisition for our partners.
From my experience, the exotic car rental niche is one of the
most underserved service-based businesses and many of
your competitors fail to effectively market their brand to attract
the right clientele.
No need to mention what
you do, I don’t even know if
you can help me yet
Gain new clients with our proven acquisition
solutions External
jpre...@conflux-digital.co.uk
to kevin
Hi team,
I hope all is well with you.
Really excited to connect with Signature Car Hire.
For context, I'm James, the founder of Conflux-creative, an
innovative marketing agency with a simple mission to streamline
client acquisition for our partners.
From my experience, the exotic car rental niche is one of the
most underserved service-based businesses and many of
your competitors fail to effectively market their brand to attract
the right clientele.
How I would
rewrite it:
roas
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
This is my last client’s ROAS:
ROAS
When we took over the ads
Could you handle 22 new clients in the next 4 weeks if we
do the same for you? We do a full refunds if we don’t hold this promise.
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
The subject line is focused on
the success metric of the target
roas
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
This is my last client’s ROAS:
ROAS
When we took over the ads
Could you handle 22 new clients in the next 4 weeks if we
do the same for you? The email has an image
showing some social proof of
results
roas
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
This is my last client’s ROAS:
ROAS
When we took over the ads
Could you handle 22 new clients in the next 4 weeks if we
do the same for you? The irresistible offer is asked
very quickly in the email (a bit
salesy but can be very efficient)
This is my last client’s ROAS:
ROAS
When we took over the ads
Could you handle 22 new clients in the next 4 weeks if we
do the same for you? We do a full refunds if we don’t hold this promise.
The signature lets the
prospect look up the sender, see
social proof and more results
from other clients
Could you handle 22 new clients in the next 4 weeks if we
do the same for you? We do a full refunds if we don’t hold this promise.
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Finding
value?
Find 100x more value on:
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
5
0
100
Cold email break down
Part 2
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
I received this email:
Re: Onbeam - Kévin
Alex Stephan
External
<alex@onbeam.io>
to kevin
Hey Kévin ,
We came across your business and noticed your website was
under optimised for traffic. We offer affordable digital
marketing services to optimise your online presence, as well
as paid and organic marketing campaigns. We’ve proven our
methods with other similar businesses. Recently, we were
able to grow one of our clients website’s from 100 daily traffic
and 75 newsletter subscriptions to over 1250 daily traffic and
built out their mailing list + newsletter to an audience of over
3000 subscribers. Would love to chat more about this with
you and see if it’s something your business would be
interested in adding.
Best Regards,
Let’s run it through a
quick color audit:
About your leads
Intriguing
Fluff
About yourself
Sounds Fake
Salesy
Re: Onbeam - Kévin
External
Alex Stephan <alex@onbeam.io>
to kevin
Hey Kévin ,
We came across your business and noticed your website was
under optimised for traffic. We offer affordable digital
marketing services to optimise your online presence, as well
as paid and organic marketing campaigns. We’ve proven our
methods with other similar businesses. Recently, we were
able to grow one of our clients website’s from 100 daily traffic
and 75 newsletter subscriptions to over 1250 daily traffic and
built out their mailing list + newsletter to an audience of over
3000 subscribers. Would love to chat more about this with
you and see if it’s something your business would be
interested in adding.
Let’s color
audit the email:
About your leads
About yourself
Intriguing
Sounds Fake
Fluff
Salesy
What I like
about it:
Tries to add social proof with
tangibles results
Re: Onbeam - Kévin External
Alex Stephan <alex@onbeam.io>
to kevin
Hey Kévin ,
We came across your business and noticed your website was
under optimised for traffic. We offer affordable digital
marketing services to optimise your online presence, as well
as paid and organic marketing campaigns. We’ve proven our
methods with other similar businesses. Recently, we were
able to grow one of our clients website’s from 100 daily traffic
and 75 newsletter subscriptions to over 1250 daily traffic and
built out their mailing list + newsletter to an audience of over
3000 subscribers. Would love to chat more about this with
you and see if it’s something your business would be
interested in adding.
Best Regards,
The email is kind of short
Re: Onbeam - Kévin External
Alex Stephan <alex@onbeam.io>
to kevin
Hey Kévin ,
We came across your business and noticed yo
under optimised for traffic. We offer affordable
marketing services to optimise your online pres
as paid and organic marketing campaigns. We
methods with other similar businesses. Recent
able to grow one of our clients website’s from 1
and 75 newsletter subscriptions to over 1250 d
built out their mailing list + newsletter to an aud
3000 subscribers. Would love to chat more abo
you and see if it’s something your business wo
interested in adding.
Best Regards,
Catchy subject line, as if we
already had a conversion
Re: Onbeam - Kévin External
Alex Stephan <alex@onbeam.io>
to kevin
Hey Kévin ,
We came across your business and noticed your website was
under optimised for traffic. We offer affordable digital
marketing services to optimise your online presence, as well
as paid and organic marketing campaigns. We’ve proven our
methods with other similar businesses. Recently, we were
able to grow one of our clients website’s from 100 daily traffic
and 75 newsletter subscriptions to over 1250 daily traffic and
built out their mailing list + newsletter to an audience of over
3000 subscribers. Would love to chat more about this with
you and see if it’s something your business would be
interested in adding.
Best Regards,
What can
be improved:
The content is very dense
and could do with some space
Re: Onbeam - Kévin External
Alex Stephan <alex@onbeam.io>
to kevin
Hey Kévin ,
We came across your business and noticed yo
under optimised for traffic. We offer affordable
marketing services to optimise your online pres
as paid and organic marketing campaigns. We
methods with other similar businesses. Recent
able to grow one of our clients website’s from 1
and 75 newsletter subscriptions to over 1250 d
built out their mailing list + newsletter to an aud
3000 subscribers. Would love to chat more abo
you and see if it’s something your business wo
interested in adding.
Best Regards,
The personalization seems
very fake and breaks the trust
Re: Onbeam - Kévin External
Alex Stephan <alex@onbeam.io>
to kevin
Hey Kévin ,
We came across your business and noticed your website was
under optimised for traffic. We offer affordable digital
marketing services to optimise your online presence, as well
as paid and organic marketing campaigns. We’ve proven our
methods with other similar businesses. Recently, we were
able to grow one of our clients website’s from 100 daily traffic
and 75 newsletter subscriptions to over 1250 daily traffic and
built out their mailing list + newsletter to an audience of over
3000 subscribers. Would love to chat more about this with
you and see if it’s something your business would be
interested in adding.
Best Regards,
Asking for time in the first
interaction
Re: Onbeam - Kévin External
Alex Stephan <alex@onbeam.io>
to kevin
Hey Kévin ,
We came across your business and noticed your website was
under optimised for traffic. We offer affordable digital
marketing services to optimise your online presence, as well
as paid and organic marketing campaigns. We’ve proven our
methods with other similar businesses. Recently, we were
able to grow one of our clients website’s from 100 daily traffic
and 75 newsletter subscriptions to over 1250 daily traffic and
built out their mailing list + newsletter to an audience of over
3000 subscribers. Would love to chat more about this with
you and see if it’s something your business would be
interested in adding.
Best Regards,
I’d love to see proof of the results claimed
Re: Onbeam - Kévin External
Alex Stephan <alex@onbeam.io>
to kevin
Hey Kévin ,
We came across your business and noticed your website was
under optimised for traffic. We offer affordable digital
marketing services to optimise your online presence, as well
as paid and organic marketing campaigns. We’ve proven our
methods with other similar businesses. Recently, we were
able to grow one of our clients website’s from 100 daily traffic
and 75 newsletter subscriptions to over 1250 daily traffic and
built out their mailing list + newsletter to an audience of over
3000 subscribers. Would love to chat more about this with
you and see if it’s something your business would be
interested in adding.
Best Regards,
It lacks trust. No Profile picture
or LinkedIn profile in the
signature.
Re: Onbeam - Kévin External
Alex Stephan <alex@onbeam.io>
to kevin
Hey Kévin ,
We came across your business and noticed your website was
under optimised for traffic. We offer affordable digital
marketing services to optimise your online presence, as well
as paid and organic marketing campaigns. We’ve proven our
methods with other similar businesses. Recently, we were
able to grow one of our clients website’s from 100 daily traffic
and 75 newsletter subscriptions to over 1250 daily traffic and
built out their mailing list + newsletter to an audience of over
3000 subscribers. Would love to chat more about this with
you and see if it’s something your business would be
interested in adding.
Best Regards,
The way you talk about your
services looks like cheap and
unreliable
Re: Onbeam - Kévin External
Alex Stephan <alex@onbeam.io>
to kevin
Hey Kévin ,
We came across your business and noticed your website was
under optimised for traffic. We offer affordable digital
marketing services to optimise your online presence, as well
as paid and organic marketing campaigns. We’ve proven our
methods with other similar businesses. Recently, we were
able to grow one of our clients website’s from 100 daily traffic
and 75 newsletter subscriptions to over 1250 daily traffic and
built out their mailing list + newsletter to an audience of over
3000 subscribers. Would love to chat more about this with
you and see if it’s something your business would be
interested in adding.
Best Regards,
The space after my first name
shows it’s been automated
Re: Onbeam - Kévin External
Alex Stephan <alex@onbeam.io>
to kevin
Hey Kévin ,
We came across your business and noticed your website was
under optimised for traffic. We offer affordable digital
marketing services to optimise your online presence, as well
as paid and organic marketing campaigns. We’ve proven our
methods with other similar businesses. Recently, we were
able to grow one of our clients website’s from 100 daily traffic
and 75 newsletter subscriptions to over 1250 daily traffic and
built out their mailing list + newsletter to an audience of over
3000 subscribers. Would love to chat more about this with
you and see if it’s something your business would be
interested in adding.
Best Regards,
How I would
rewrite it:
job offer
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
Your site took 7 seconds to load so I did a small
SEO audit:
With a 95/100 score, more people would apply to
your job posts + it will be a no brainer for companies
to trust you again vs Adecco.
I have a 10-step framework to bring up the SEO
points, do you want a copy?
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
The subject line is a keyword from
the target’s industry
job offer
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
Your site took 7 seconds to load so I did a small
SEO audit:
With a 95/100 score, more people would apply to
Focuses on a pain of the target
job offer
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
Your site took 7 seconds to load so I did a small
SEO audit:
With a 95/100 score, more people would apply to
your job posts + it will be a no brainer for companies
to trust you again vs Adecco.
I have a 10-step framework to bring up the SEO
Brings value directly
job offer
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
Your site took 7 seconds to load so I did a small
SEO audit:
With a 95/100 score, more people would apply to
your job posts + it will be a no brainer for companies
to trust you again vs Adecco.
I have a 10-step framework to bring up the SEO
Focuses on the goal of the target
Your site took 7 seconds to load so I did a small
SEO audit:
With a 95/100 score, more people would apply to
your job posts + it will be a no brainer for companies
to trust you again vs Adecco.
I have a 10-step framework to bring up the SEO
points, do you want a copy?
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Mentions a competitor that has
more success than the target
Your site took 7 seconds to load so I did a small
SEO audit:
With a 95/100 score, more people would apply to
your job posts + it will be a no brainer for companies
to trust you again vs Adecco.
I have a 10-step framework to bring up the SEO
points, do you want a copy?
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Offers a free resource that is
relevant and can help the target to
solve part of their problem
Your site took 7 seconds to load so I did a small
SEO audit:
With a 95/100 score, more people would apply to
your job posts + it will be a no brainer for companies
to trust you again vs Adecco.
I have a 10-step framework to bring up the SEO
points, do you want a copy?
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Has a specific CTA that is focused
on getting a reply and starting a
conversation
Your site took 7 seconds to load so I did a small
SEO audit:
With a 95/100 score, more people would apply to
your job posts + it will be a no brainer for companies
to trust you again vs Adecco.
I have a 10-step framework to bring up the SEO
points, do you want a copy?
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Has a simple signature that lets the
target research the sender
With a 95/100 score, more people would apply to
your job posts + it will be a no brainer for companies
to trust you again vs Adecco.
I have a 10-step framework to bring up the SEO
points, do you want a copy?
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Finding
value?
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100
Cold email break down
Part 3
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
I received this email:
Product-led Growth
Yves Delongie
External
<yvesdelongie@journy.io>
to kevin
Hi Kevin
Wanted to reach out as I think we may help you accelerate
(product-led) growth.
Our PLG platform basically lets you
identify which of your signups are most likely to buy
(=PQLs), to expand, or to chur
push PLG scores, triggers and other usage metrics to
HubSpot/CRMs and other engagement tools
create and optimise playbooks for maximum conversion.
More on journy.io Thanks for checking us out — please let
me know if you'd like a demo.
Let’s color
audit the email:
About your leads
About yourself
Intriguing
Sounds Fake
Fluff
Salesy
Let’s run it through a
quick color audit:
About your leads
Intriguing
Fluff
About yourself
Sounds Fake
Salesy
Product-led Growth
External
Yves Delongie <yvesdelongie@journy.io>
to kevin
Hi Kevin
Wanted to reach out as I think we may help you accelerate
(product-led) growth.
Our PLG platform basically lets you
identify which of your signups are most likely to buy
(=PQLs), to expand, or to chur
push PLG scores, triggers and other usage metrics to
HubSpot/CRMs and other engagement tools
create and optimise playbooks for maximum conversion.
More on journy.io Thanks for checking us out — please let
me know if you'd like a demo.
What I like
about it:
The subject line is perfect short, of interest and intriguing
Product-led Growth External
Yves Delongie <yvesdelongie@journy.io>
to kevin
Hi Kevin
Wanted to reach out as I think we may help you accelerate
(product-led) growth.
Our PLG platform basically lets you
identify which of your signups are most likely to buy
(=PQLs), to expand, or to chur
push PLG scores, triggers and other usage metrics to
HubSpot/CRMs and other engagement tools
create and optimise playbooks for maximum conversion.
More on journy.io Thanks for checking us out — please let
me know if you'd like a demo.
The email is kind of short
Product-led Growth External
Yves Delongie <yvesdelongie@journy.io>
to kevin
Hi Kevin
Wanted to reach out as I think we may help you acce
(product-led) growth.
Our PLG platform basically lets you
identify which of your signups are most likely to
(=PQLs), to expand, or to chur
push PLG scores, triggers and other usage me
HubSpot/CRMs and other engagement tools
create and optimise playbooks for maximum con
More on journy.io Thanks for checking us out — plea
me know if you'd like a demo.
What can
be improved:
Straight up pitching your
product
Yves Delongie <yvesdelongie@journy.io>
to kevin
Hi Kevin
Wanted to reach out as I think we may help you accelerate
(product-led) growth.
Our PLG platform basically lets you
identify which of your signups are most likely to buy
(=PQLs), to expand, or to chur
push PLG scores, triggers and other usage metrics to
HubSpot/CRMs and other engagement tools
create and optimise playbooks for maximum conversion.
More on journy.io Thanks for checking us out — please let
me know if you'd like a demo.
Super weak CTA
Yves Delongie <yvesdelongie@journy.io>
to kevin
Hi Kevin
Wanted to reach out as I think we may help you accelerate
(product-led) growth.
Our PLG platform basically lets you
identify which of your signups are most likely to buy
(=PQLs), to expand, or to chur
push PLG scores, triggers and other usage metrics to
HubSpot/CRMs and other engagement tools
create and optimise playbooks for maximum conversion.
More on journy.io Thanks for checking us out — please let
me know if you'd like a demo.
Clear no/fake
personnalization
Yves Delongie <yvesdelongie@journy.io>
to kevin
Hi Kevin
Wanted to reach out as I think we may help you accelerate
(product-led) growth.
Our PLG platform basically lets you
identify which of your signups are most likely to buy
(=PQLs), to expand, or to chur
push PLG scores, triggers and other usage metrics to
HubSpot/CRMs and other engagement tools
create and optimise playbooks for maximum conversion.
More on journy.io Thanks for checking us out — please let
me know if you'd like a demo.
No Profile picture or LinkedIn
profile in the signature.
Yves Delongie <yvesdelongie@journy.io>
to kevin
Hi Kevin
Wanted to reach out as I think we may help you accelerate
(product-led) growth.
Our PLG platform basically lets you
identify which of your signups are most likely to buy
(=PQLs), to expand, or to chur
push PLG scores, triggers and other usage metrics to
HubSpot/CRMs and other engagement tools
create and optimise playbooks for maximum conversion.
More on journy.io Thanks for checking us out — please let
me know if you'd like a demo.
How I would
rewrite it:
churn
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
I saw your founder’s post on LinkedIn about the
churn you’re facing at the moment.
How do you identify the users that are about the
churn?
When they stop using lemlist and they start the
churn process, you know it’s too late - they already
made their decision.
I met 3 Head of Products from other SaaS this
month and they had a killer framework to fight churn.
Do you want access to my notes?
Take care,
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Subject line that mentions the
biggest pain from the target
churn
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
I saw your founder’s post on LinkedIn about the
churn you’re facing at the moment.
How do you identify the users that are about the
churn?
When they stop using lemlist and they start the
churn process, you know it’s too late - they already
made their decision.
I met 3 Head of Products from other SaaS this
month and they had a killer framework to fight churn.
Do you want access to my notes?
Has an icebreaker that shows
the email was only sent to this
target + comes at the right moment
churn
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
I saw your founder’s post on LinkedIn about the
churn you’re facing at the moment.
How do you identify the users that are about the
churn?
When they stop using lemlist and they start the
churn process, you know it’s too late - they already
made their decision.
I met 3 Head of Products from other SaaS this
month and they had a killer framework to fight churn.
Do you want access to my notes?
Asks a question about the pain
they are facing
churn
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
I saw your founder’s post on LinkedIn about the
churn you’re facing at the moment.
How do you identify the users that are about the
churn?
When they stop using lemlist and they start the
churn process, you know it’s too late - they already
made their decision.
I met 3 Head of Products from other SaaS this
month and they had a killer framework to fight churn.
Do you want access to my notes?
Talking about the pain in a way
that speaks to the target and
shows you know the problem
churn
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
I saw your founder’s post on LinkedIn about the
churn you’re facing at the moment.
How do you identify the users that are about the
churn?
When they stop using lemlist and they start the
churn process, you know it’s too late - they already
made their decision.
I met 3 Head of Products from other SaaS this
month and they had a killer framework to fight churn.
Do you want access to my notes?
Brings value and peaks the
curiosity about solving the issue
in a non-salesy way
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
I saw your founder’s post on LinkedIn about the
churn you’re facing at the moment.
How do you identify the users that are about the
churn?
When they stop using lemlist and they start the
churn process, you know it’s too late - they already
made their decision.
I met 3 Head of Products from other SaaS this
month and they had a killer framework to fight churn.
Do you want access to my notes?
Take care,
Asks a second question to
start the conversation
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
I saw your founder’s post on LinkedIn about the
churn you’re facing at the moment.
How do you identify the users that are about the
churn?
When they stop using lemlist and they start the
churn process, you know it’s too late - they already
made their decision.
I met 3 Head of Products from other SaaS this
month and they had a killer framework to fight churn.
Do you want access to my notes?
Take care,
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Finding
value?
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100
Cold email break down
Part 4
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
I received this email:
You're at a vending machine
External
Leif Bisping <leif@withreach.com>
to me
You see Diet Coke.
Three options - $0, $1, or $1.50 for a can.
What would you choose? Zero, right?
Then why are you paying Stripe 1.5% in international
processing fees when you could be paying nothing?
Leif Bisping - Global Account Executive
+1.737.295.0946 | leif@withreach.com
Kevin-mlz
Let’s color
audit the email:
About your leads
About yourself
Intriguing
Sounds Fake
Fluff
Salesy
Let’s run it through a
quick color audit:
About your leads
Intriguing
Fluff
About yourself
Sounds Fake
Salesy
You're at a vending machine
External
Leif Bisping <leif@withreach.com>
to me
You see Diet Coke.
Three options - $0, $1, or $1.50 for a can.
What would you choose? Zero, right?
Then why are you paying Stripe 1.5% in international
processing fees when you could be paying nothing?
Leif Bisping - Global Account Executive
+1.737.295.0946 | leif@withreach.com
Kevin-mlz
What I like
about it:
It’s straight to the point.
You're at a vending machine Ext
Leif Bisping <leif@withreach.com>
to me
You see Diet Coke.
Three options - $0, $1, or $1.50 for a can.
What would you choose? Zero, right?
Then why are you paying Stripe 1.5% in inte
processing fees when you could be paying n
Leif Bisping - Global Account Exe
+1.737.295.0946 | leif@withreach.c
No fluff sentences like “I hope your are well”
You're at a vending machine External
Leif Bisping <leif@withreach.com>
to me
You see Diet Coke.
Three options - $0, $1, or $1.50 for a can.
What would you choose? Zero, right?
Then why are you paying Stripe 1.5% in international
processing fees when you could be paying nothing?
Leif Bisping - Global Account Executive
+1.737.295.0946 | leif@withreach.com
No “hi {{first_name}}”
You're at a vending machine External
Leif Bisping <leif@withreach.com>
to me
You see Diet Coke.
Three options - $0, $1, or $1.50 for a can.
What would you choose? Zero, right?
Then why are you paying Stripe 1.5% in international
processing fees when you could be paying nothing?
Leif Bisping - Global Account Executive
+1.737.295.0946 | leif@withreach.com
Doesn’t talk about himself
You're at a vending machine External
Leif Bisping <leif@withreach.com>
to me
You see Diet Coke.
Three options - $0, $1, or $1.50 for a can.
What would you choose? Zero, right?
Then why are you paying Stripe 1.5% in international
processing fees when you could be paying nothing?
Leif Bisping - Global Account Executive
+1.737.295.0946 | leif@withreach.com
Is very intriguing
You're at a vending machine External
Leif Bisping <leif@withreach.com>
to me
You see Diet Coke.
Three options - $0, $1, or $1.50 for a can.
What would you choose? Zero, right?
Then why are you paying Stripe 1.5% in international
processing fees when you could be paying nothing?
Leif Bisping - Global Account Executive
+1.737.295.0946 | leif@withreach.com
It’s not asking for time
(e.g. a meeting)
You're at a vending machine External
Leif Bisping <leif@withreach.com>
to me
You see Diet Coke.
Three options - $0, $1, or $1.50 for a can.
What would you choose? Zero, right?
Then why are you paying Stripe 1.5% in international
processing fees when you could be paying nothing?
Leif Bisping - Global Account Executive
+1.737.295.0946 | leif@withreach.com
He invites the
conversation
You're at a vending machine External
Leif Bisping <leif@withreach.com>
to me
You see Diet Coke.
Three options - $0, $1, or $1.50 for a can.
What would you choose? Zero, right?
Then why are you paying Stripe 1.5% in international
processing fees when you could be paying nothing?
Leif Bisping - Global Account Executive
+1.737.295.0946 | leif@withreach.com
Doesn’t sound too Salesy
You're at a vending machine External
Leif Bisping <leif@withreach.com>
to me
You see Diet Coke.
Three options - $0, $1, or $1.50 for a can.
What would you choose? Zero, right?
Then why are you paying Stripe 1.5% in international
processing fees when you could be paying nothing?
Leif Bisping - Global Account Executive
+1.737.295.0946 | leif@withreach.com
Mentions a tool I use
You're at a vending machine External
Leif Bisping <leif@withreach.com>
to me
You see Diet Coke.
Three options - $0, $1, or $1.50 for a can.
What would you choose? Zero, right?
Then why are you paying Stripe 1.5% in international
processing fees when you could be paying nothing?
Leif Bisping - Global Account Executive
+1.737.295.0946 | leif@withreach.com
Has a profile picture
which increases the trust
You're at a vending machine External
Leif Bisping <leif@withreach.com>
to me
You see Diet Coke.
Three options - $0, $1, or $1.50 for a can.
What would you choose? Zero, right?
Then why are you paying Stripe 1.5% in international
processing fees when you could be paying nothing?
Leif Bisping - Global Account Executive
+1.737.295.0946 | leif@withreach.com
What can
be improved:
It makes his product look a
bit cheap
You're at a vending machine External
Leif Bisping <leif@withreach.com>
to me
You see Diet Coke.
Three options - $0, $1, or $1.50 for a can.
What would you choose? Zero, right?
Then why are you paying Stripe 1.5% in international
processing fees when you could be paying nothing?
Leif Bisping - Global Account Executive
+1.737.295.0946 | leif@withreach.com
Sounds a bit fake. Why is it
free? Nobody builds a product
and hires Sales for nothing
You're at a vending machine External
Leif Bisping <leif@withreach.com>
to me
You see Diet Coke.
Three options - $0, $1, or $1.50 for a can.
What would you choose? Zero, right?
Then why are you paying Stripe 1.5% in international
processing fees when you could be paying nothing?
Leif Bisping - Global Account Executive
+1.737.295.0946 | leif@withreach.com
Are you really better than
Stripe?!
You're at a vending machine External
Leif Bisping <leif@withreach.com>
to me
You see Diet Coke.
Three options - $0, $1, or $1.50 for a can.
What would you choose? Zero, right?
Then why are you paying Stripe 1.5% in international
processing fees when you could be paying nothing?
Leif Bisping - Global Account Executive
+1.737.295.0946 | leif@withreach.com
There is no real
personalization. It looks like
I’m on a huge leads list.
You're at a vending machine External
Leif Bisping <leif@withreach.com>
to me
You see Diet Coke.
Three options - $0, $1, or $1.50 for a can.
What would you choose? Zero, right?
Then why are you paying Stripe 1.5% in international
processing fees when you could be paying nothing?
Leif Bisping - Global Account Executive
+1.737.295.0946 | leif@withreach.com
I’d love to have a LinkedIn
profile to see a human face
and increase trust + You'
to see
re at asome
vendingsocial
machineproof
External
Leif Bisping <leif@withreach.com>
to me
You see Diet Coke.
Three options - $0, $1, or $1.50 for a can.
What would you choose? Zero, right?
Then why are you paying Stripe 1.5% in international
processing fees when you could be paying nothing?
Leif Bisping - Global Account Executive
+1.737.295.0946 | leif@withreach.com
The CTA is a bit unclear.
The next steps are not obvious
You're at a vending machine External
Leif Bisping <leif@withreach.com>
to me
You see Diet Coke.
Three options - $0, $1, or $1.50 for a can.
What would you choose? Zero, right?
Then why are you paying Stripe 1.5% in international
processing fees when you could be paying nothing?
Leif Bisping - Global Account Executive
+1.737.295.0946 | leif@withreach.com
How I would
rewrite it:
Stripe account
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
What would you pick at the vending machine
{{first_name}}?
water
water
Revenue
(from ads)
consumer price
$0
Revenue
(from consumers)
consumer price
$3
{{company_in_the_same_industry}} does the same
with its Stripe fees:
1.2x
3 min
1 min 21 sec
Do you think this will hype {{CFO_first_name}}
(CFO) up?
{{signature}}
The subject line is more
intriguing and mentions
something important
Stripe account
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
What would you pick at the vending machine
{{first_name}}?
water
water
Revenue
(from ads)
Revenue
(from consumers)
Just like what Leif did, it also
goes straight into in, without
adding fluff
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
What would you pick at the vending machine
{{first_name}}?
water
water
Revenue
(from ads)
consumer price
$0
Revenue
(from consumers)
consumer price
$3
The image is intriguing and
makes the email stand out in the
inbox
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
What would you pick at the vending machine
{{first_name}}?
water
water
Revenue
(from ads)
consumer price
$0
Revenue
(from consumers)
consumer price
$3
The image illustrates the
question and shows that it’s not
a scam to have a $0 price for
consumers - boosts trust
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
What would you pick at the vending machine
{{first_name}}?
water
water
Revenue
(from ads)
consumer price
$0
Revenue
(from consumers)
consumer price
$3
It stays on a topic a lot of
people can relate to - water
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
What would you pick at the vending machine
{{first_name}}?
water
water
Revenue
(from ads)
consumer price
$0
Revenue
(from consumers)
consumer price
$3
There’s some level of
personalization with something
relevant to the target
{{company_in_the_same_industry}} does the same
with its Stripe fees:
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
Do you think this will hype {{CFO_first_name}}
(CFO) up?
{{signature}}
The video thumbnail is even
more intriguing, especially since
it shows what will be said in it
{{company_in_the_same_industry}} does the same
with its Stripe fees:
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
Do you think this will hype {{CFO_first_name}}
(CFO) up?
{{signature}}
The thumbnail also shows a
human face talking (makes it
more personal)
{{company_in_the_same_industry}} does the same
with its Stripe fees:
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
Do you think this will hype {{CFO_first_name}}
(CFO) up?
{{signature}}
And the thumbnail clearly looks like a
video (with the play button). Bonus, it
shows the time AND how long it will
really take to watch
{{company_in_the_same_industry}} does the same
with its Stripe fees:
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
Do you think this will hype {{CFO_first_name}}
(CFO) up?
{{signature}}
The email ends with a
question about the video to push
the prospect to watch the video
+ adds more personalization +
mentions the right stake holder
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
Do you think this will hype {{CFO_first_name}}
(CFO) up?
{{signature}}
Finally, you have a simple
signature with the LinkedIn url to
let the prospect research you
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
Do you think this will hype {{CFO_first_name}}
(CFO) up?
{{signature}}
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Finding
value?
Find 100x more value on:
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
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100
Cold email break down
Part 5
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
I received this email:
Gain more value from your
marketing automation & CRM
External
infrastructure
Neraj Nagentheren
<neraj@marketing-automation.ca>
to kevin
Hi Kevin,
Are you looking to improve your marketing
automation (MA) and customer relationship
management (CRM) processes? Look no further!
We’re a MA and CRM consulting company with over
14 years of experience, specializing in numerous
platforms such as Marketo, HubSpot, Salesforce,
Pardot, MS Dynamics and others. We also have
Design and Development services in-house to
service the assets associated with these platforms.
We offer our services on an hourly basis, without the
need for retainers or long-term contracts.
It continues...
If you're interested in learning more about our
consulting services, please don't hesitate to reach
out or book some time with me here. I'm happy to
answer any questions and discuss how our team
can help you achieve your business goals.
Let’s color
audit the email:
About your leads
About yourself
Intriguing
Sounds Fake
Fluff
Salesy
Let’s run it through a
quick color audit:
About your leads
Intriguing
Fluff
About yourself
Sounds Fake
Salesy
Gain more value from your
marketing automation & CRM External
infrastructure
Neraj Nagentheren <neraj@marketing-automation.ca>
to kevin
Hi Kevin,
Are you looking to improve your marketing
automation (MA) and customer relationship
management (CRM) processes? Look no further!
We’re a MA and CRM consulting company with over
14 years of experience, specializing in numerous
platforms such as Marketo, HubSpot, Salesforce,
Pardot, MS Dynamics and others. We also have
Design and Development services in-house to
service the assets associated with these platforms.
It continues...
About your leads
Intriguing
Fluff
About yourself
Sounds Fake
Salesy
We offer our services on an hourly basis, without the
need for retainers or long-term contracts.
If you're interested in learning more about our
consulting services, please don't hesitate to reach
out or book some time with me here. I'm happy to
answer any questions and discuss how our team
can help you achieve your business goals.
What I like
about it:
Nothing this time
What can
be improved:
Basically a Salesy ad script
Neraj Nagentheren <neraj@marketing-automation.ca>
to kevin
Hi Kevin,
Are you looking to improve your marketing
automation (MA) and customer relationship
management (CRM) processes? Look no further!
We’re a MA and CRM consulting company with over
14 years of experience, specializing in numerous
platforms such as Marketo, HubSpot, Salesforce,
Pardot, MS Dynamics and others. We also have
Design and Development services in-house to
service the assets associated with these platforms.
We offer our services on an hourly basis, without the
need for retainers or long-term contracts.
0 focus on the prospect
Neraj Nagentheren <neraj@marketing-automation.ca>
to kevin
Hi Kevin,
Are you looking to improve your marketing
automation (MA) and customer relationship
management (CRM) processes? Look no further!
We’re a MA and CRM consulting company with over
14 years of experience, specializing in numerous
platforms such as Marketo, HubSpot, Salesforce,
Pardot, MS Dynamics and others. We also have
Design and Development services in-house to
service the assets associated with these platforms.
We offer our services on an hourly basis, without the
need for retainers or long-term contracts.
0 personalization - I can tell
this was sent to thousands of
people
Neraj Nagentheren <neraj@marketing-automation.ca>
to kevin
Hi Kevin,
Are you looking to improve your marketing
automation (MA) and customer relationship
management (CRM) processes? Look no further!
We’re a MA and CRM consulting company with over
14 years of experience, specializing in numerous
platforms such as Marketo, HubSpot, Salesforce,
Pardot, MS Dynamics and others. We also have
Design and Development services in-house to
service the assets associated with these platforms.
We offer our services on an hourly basis, without the
need for retainers or long-term contracts.
No profile picture or
LinkedIn profile in the
signature for social proof
Neraj Nagentheren <neraj@marketing-automation.ca>
to kevin
Hi Kevin,
Are you looking to improve your marketing
automation (MA) and customer relationship
management (CRM) processes? Look no further!
We’re a MA and CRM consulting company with over
14 years of experience, specializing in numerous
platforms such as Marketo, HubSpot, Salesforce,
Pardot, MS Dynamics and others. We also have
Design and Development services in-house to
service the assets associated with these platforms.
We offer our services on an hourly basis, without the
need for retainers or long-term contracts.
Lists their services and
pricing options
Neraj Nagentheren <neraj@marketing-automation.ca>
to kevin
Hi Kevin,
Are you looking to improve your marketing
automation (MA) and customer relationship
management (CRM) processes? Look no further!
We’re a MA and CRM consulting company with over
14 years of experience, specializing in numerous
platforms such as Marketo, HubSpot, Salesforce,
Pardot, MS Dynamics and others. We also have
Design and Development services in-house to
service the assets associated with these platforms.
We offer our services on an hourly basis, without the
need for retainers or long-term contracts.
Very weak CTA, it’s not
engaging and pushes people
to take action
If you're interested in learning more about our
consulting services, please don't hesitate to reach
out or book some time with me here. I'm happy to
answer any questions and discuss how our team
can help you achieve your business goals.
How I would
rewrite it:
Marie / Kévin
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
I try to network with 2-3 Head of Marketing every
week - do you want to be the next one?
I can share how we create automations and keep
the CRM tidy and efficient.
PS: I can also share what I've learned from speaking
to so many marketing leaders.
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
The subject line is intriguing
because it looks like a meeting
that you can set in your calendar
Marie / Kévin
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
I try to network with 2-3 Head of Marketing every
week - do you want to be the next one?
I can share how we create automations and keep
the CRM tidy and efficient.
PS: I can also share what I've learned from speaking
to so many marketing leaders.
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
The email is super super short
Marie / Kévin
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
I try to network with 2-3 Head of Marketing
week - do you want to be the next one?
I can share how we create automations an
the CRM tidy and efficient.
PS: I can also share what I've learned from
to so many marketing leaders.
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @
Connect with me on LinkedIn
The approach is very friendly
and doesn’t look salesy at all
Marie / Kévin
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
I try to network with 2-3 Head of Marketing every
week - do you want to be the next one?
I can share how we create automations and keep
the CRM tidy and efficient.
PS: I can also share what I've learned from speaking
to so many marketing leaders.
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
It shows the value the target
can get during the call
Marie / Kévin
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
I try to network with 2-3 Head of Marketing every
week - do you want to be the next one?
I can share how we create automations and keep
the CRM tidy and efficient.
PS: I can also share what I've learned from speaking
to so many marketing leaders.
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
And promises even more
value
Marie / Kévin
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
I try to network with 2-3 Head of Marketing every
week - do you want to be the next one?
I can share how we create automations and keep
the CRM tidy and efficient.
PS: I can also share what I've learned from speaking
to so many marketing leaders.
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
The CTA is super clear
Marie / Kévin
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
I try to network with 2-3 Head of Marketing every
week - do you want to be the next one?
I can share how we create automations and keep
the CRM tidy and efficient.
PS: I can also share what I've learned from speaking
to so many marketing leaders.
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Finding
value?
Find 100x more value on:
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
3
0
100
Cold email break down
Part 6
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
I received this email:
Your growth and your
External
challenges
Léa Baptista Botella de Graphit Agency
<entreprise@graphit.a
to kevin
Hello Kevin,
How are you doing?
Very cool your activity at Lemlist as Head of Growth.
It's a great mission to offer an innovative platform
that allows you to start attractive conversations with
your prospects!
Do you know Graphit Agency?
We have helped more than 30 companies this year
to accelerate their growth thanks to proven sales
methods and practices.
It continues...
We specialize in outsourced sales management and
we have helped our clients and their sales people to
become real sales machines.
In concrete terms, we help them accelerate on
these topics
SDR, AE, CSM, AM, Sales Ops trainin
Managers + contributor
Strategy: Process, Playbook, techniques that
really convert, Rituals..
Market Sales Alignment: Lead Generation,
Strategy, Expert CR
Career planning and compensation strategy..
And all the topics related to Sales
Management
Until here:
Is there a topic that speaks to you above?
If you're looking to take your business to the next
level and boost Lemlist's growth, I'd like to book a
meeting to discuss all of this (if it doesn't work out,
we'll just get to know each other, long live the
network).
You can make an appointment here.
See you soon,
Léa
Let’s color
audit the email:
About your leads
About yourself
Intriguing
Sounds Fake
Fluff
Salesy
About your leads
Intriguing
Fluff
About yourself
Sounds Fake
Salesy
Your growth and your
challenges
External
Léa Baptista Botella de Graphit Agency <entreprise@graphit
to kevin
Hello Kevin,
How are you doing?
Very cool your activity at Lemlist as Head of Growth.
It's a great mission to offer an innovative platform
that allows you to start attractive conversations with
your prospects!
Do you know Graphit Agency?
We have helped more than 30 companies this year
to accelerate their growth thanks to proven sales
methods and practices.
About your leads
Intriguing
Fluff
About yourself
Sounds Fake
Salesy
We specialize in outsourced sales management and
we have helped our clients and their sales people to
become real sales machines.
In concrete terms, we help them accelerate on
these topics
SDR, AE, CSM, AM, Sales Ops trainin
Managers + contributor
Strategy: Process, Playbook, techniques that
really convert, Rituals..
Market Sales Alignment: Lead Generation,
Strategy, Expert CR
Career planning and compensation strategy..
And all the topics related to Sales
Management
About your leads
Intriguing
Fluff
About yourself
Sounds Fake
Salesy
Is there a topic that speaks to you above?
If you're looking to take your business to the next
level and boost Lemlist's growth, I'd like to book a
meeting to discuss all of this (if it doesn't work out,
we'll just get to know each other, long live the
network).
You can make an appointment here.
See you soon,
Léa
What I like
about it:
She tried to add some
personalization in the email
Léa Baptista Botella de Graphit Agency <entreprise@graphit.a
to kevin
Hello Kevin,
How are you doing?
Very cool your activity at Lemlist as Head of Growth.
It's a great mission to offer an innovative platform
that allows you to start attractive conversations with
your prospects!
Do you know Graphit Agency?
We have helped more than 30 companies this year
to accelerate their growth thanks to proven sales
methods and practices.
She’s okay with calls being just
a networking call if it doesn’t work
out (but can also sound fake)
Is there a topic that speaks to you above?
If you're looking to take your business to the next
level and boost Lemlist's growth, I'd like to book a
meeting to discuss all of this (if it doesn't work out,
we'll just get to know each other, long live the
network).
You can make an appointment here.
See you soon,
Léa
What can
be improved:
Remove the random bold
words, it’s not natural
Is there a topic that speaks to you above?
If you're looking to take your business to the next
level and boost Lemlist's growth, I'd like to book a
meeting to discuss all of this (if it doesn't work out,
we'll just get to know each other, long live the
network).
You can make an appointment here.
See you soon,
Léa
Don’t put red and blue bold
text, it looks scammy
We specialize in outsourced sales management and
we have helped our clients and their sales people to
become real sales machines.
In concrete terms, we help them accelerate on
these topics
SDR, AE, CSM, AM, Sales Ops trainin
Managers + contributor
Strategy: Process, Playbook, techniques that
really convert, Rituals..
Market Sales Alignment: Lead Generation,
Strategy, Expert CR
Career planning and compensation strategy..
And all the topics related to Sales
Management
Don’t list your services, they
are not all a fit with your targets
We specialize in outsourced sales management and
we have helped our clients and their sales people to
become real sales machines.
In concrete terms, we help them accelerate on
these topics
SDR, AE, CSM, AM, Sales Ops trainin
Managers + contributor
Strategy: Process, Playbook, techniques that
really convert, Rituals..
Market Sales Alignment: Lead Generation,
Strategy, Expert CR
Career planning and compensation strategy..
And all the topics related to Sales
Management
Asking your prospect to tell
you which service they find
relevant shows you didn’t
research them
Market Sales Alignment: Lead Generation,
Strategy, Expert CR
Career planning and compensation strategy..
And all the topics related to Sales
Management
Is there a topic that speaks to you above?
Super vague personalization
that sounds fake → I wouldn’t
even talk about lemlist this way
Léa Baptista Botella de Graphit Agency <entreprise@graphit.a
to kevin
Hello Kevin,
How are you doing?
Very cool your activity at Lemlist as Head of Growth.
It's a great mission to offer an innovative platform
that allows you to start attractive conversations with
your prospects!
Do you know Graphit Agency?
We have helped more than 30 companies this year
to accelerate their growth thanks to proven sales
Don’t skip the link between
your personalization and the
rest of the email otherwise it
feels fake
Léa Baptista Botella de Graphit Agency <entreprise@graphit.a
to kevin
Hello Kevin,
How are you doing?
Very cool your activity at Lemlist as Head of Growth.
It's a great mission to offer an innovative platform
that allows you to start attractive conversations with
your prospects!
Do you know Graphit Agency?
We have helped more than 30 companies this year
to accelerate their growth thanks to proven sales
Leave people research you. Add your LinkedIn profile
in your signature
meeting to discuss all of this (if it doesn't work out,
we'll just get to know each other, long live the
network).
You can make an appointment here.
See you soon,
Léa
Add a profile picture to
increase trust
Léa Baptista Botella de Graphit Agency <entreprise@
to kevin
Hello Kevin,
How are you doing?
Very cool your activity at Lemlist as Head of Gro
It's a great mission to offer an innovative platfor
that allows you to start attractive conversations
your prospects!
Do you know Graphit Agency?
Don’t just put your Calendly
link, it feels automated
Is there a topic that speaks to you above?
If you're looking to take your business to the next
level and boost Lemlist's growth, I'd like to book a
meeting to discuss all of this (if it doesn't work out,
we'll just get to know each other, long live the
network).
You can make an appointment here.
See you soon,
Léa
Be more specific about your
references, and only mention
relevant ones.
We have helped more than 30 companies this year
to accelerate their growth thanks to proven sales
methods and practices.
Your growth and your
challenges
External
Léa Baptista Botella de Graphit Agency <entreprise@graphit.agency>
to kevin
Hello Kevin,
How are you doing?
Very cool your activity at Lemlist as Head of
Growth. It's a great mission to offer an
innovative platform that allows you to start
attractive conversations with your prospects!
Do you know Graphit Agency?
We have helped more than 30 companies
this year to accelerate their growth thanks to
proven sales methods and practices.
We specialize in outsourced sales
management and we have helped our
clients and their sales people to become
real sales machines.
In concrete terms, we help them
accelerate on these topics
SDR, AE, CSM, AM, Sales Ops
trainin
Managers + contributor
Strategy: Process, Playbook,
techniques that really convert,
Rituals..
Market Sales Alignment: Lead
Generation, Strategy, Expert CR
Career planning and compensation
strategy..
And all the topics related to Sales
Management
Is there a topic that speaks to you
above?
If you're looking to take your business to
the next level and boost Lemlist's
growth, I'd like to book a meeting to
Keep it short
She emails me from a
company email, not her own
email
Léa Baptista Botella de Graphit Agency <entreprise@graphit.a
to kevin
Hello Kevin,
How are you doing?
Very cool your activity at Lemlist as Head of Growth.
It's a great mission to offer an innovative platform
that allows you to start attractive conversations with
your prospects!
Do you know Graphit Agency?
We have helped more than 30 companies this year
to accelerate their growth thanks to proven sales
How I would
rewrite it:
pipeline
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
Made you a quick video because I saw you’re
leading the outbound motion, Kévin.
All the Head of Growth I speak to have noticed lower
pipe generation recently - I think you'll also find this
valuable:
The best
to findemails
more valid
Findway
prospect
emails and contact more leads
1.2x
3 min
2 min 01 sec
Should help you book enough meetings to avoid low
pipe generation.
Hope it's useful!
PS: What do you think of the before/after from
{{company_name}}?
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
The subject line talks about one
of the priorities of the target
pipeline
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
Made you a quick video because I saw you’re
leading the outbound motion, Kévin.
All the Head of Growth I speak to have noticed lower
pipe generation recently - I think you'll also find this
valuable:
The best
to findemails
more valid
Findway
prospect
emails and contact more leads
Giving free value that can help
with one of their big priorities
pipeline
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
Made you a quick video because I saw you’re
leading the outbound motion, Kévin.
All the Head of Growth I speak to have noticed lower
pipe generation recently - I think you'll also find this
valuable:
The best
to findemails
more valid
Findway
prospect
emails and contact more leads
1.2x
3 min 2 min 01 sec
Adding social proof to show
that it’s a known pain
pipeline
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
Made you a quick video because I saw you’re
leading the outbound motion, Kévin.
All the Head of Growth I speak to have noticed lower
pipe generation recently - I think you'll also find this
valuable:
The best
to findemails
more valid
Findway
prospect
emails and contact more leads
1.2x
3 min 2 min 01 sec
The video thumbnail makes the
email stand out, shows a bit of the
value and shows that it’s short
Made you a quick video because I saw you’re
leading the outbound motion, Kévin.
All the Head of Growth I speak to have noticed lower
pipe generation recently - I think you'll also find this
valuable:
The best
to findemails
more valid
Findway
prospect
emails and contact more leads
1.2x
3 min 2 min 01 sec
Mentions that the video can
help the target with the problem
most people in his position face
Should help you book enough meetings to avoid low
pipe generation.
Hope it's useful!
PS: What do you think of the before/after from
{{company_name}}?
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Asks a specific question about
the video to increase the curiosity
of the prospect and have him
watch the video
Should help you book enough meetings to avoid low
pipe generation.
Hope it's useful!
PS: What do you think of the before/after from
{{company_name}}?
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Simple signature that can help
the prospect research the sender
Should help you book enough meetings to avoid low
pipe generation.
Hope it's useful!
PS: What do you think of the before/after from
{{company_name}}?
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Finding
value?
Find 100x more value on:
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
91
0
100
Cold email break down
Part 7
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
I received this email:
Kévin, he will skyrocket
External
your revenue...
Benjamin Macé
<ben@jobbini.com>
to kevin
Hello Kevin,
I hope you are doing amazing this Thursday
I really wanted to share with you this amazing profile
(click
)
Your future BDR
Your future BDR
Here’s the end:
He will without a doubt be able to skyrocket Lemlist
If you need an army, I have what you need!
I wish you a great day.
Founder @jobbini
But that’s not all:
Clicking on the video
brings you to a Notion
page about the BDR profile
It’s a bit long, so here’s
a quick overview:
Your future BDR
Founder @jobbini
Here’s a rough summary of the video:
“→ On this page you’ll find the details about
the BDR profile
→ If you have other hiring needs (e.g. Head
of Sales, Sales manager, etc.) feel free to
contact me.
I’m specialized in hiring Sales and could
suggest other interesting profiles to you.
→ You’ll find a link at the bottom of this page
to book a call with me.
→ I’m excited to hear more about your hiring
needs, have a great day “
Let’s color
audit the email:
About your leads
About yourself
Intriguing
Sounds Fake
Fluff
Salesy
About your leads
Intriguing
Fluff
About yourself
Sounds Fake
Salesy
Kévin, he will skyrocket
your revenue...
External
Benjamin Macé <ben@jobbini.com>
to kevin
Hello Kevin,
I hope you are doing amazing this Thursday
I really wanted to share with you this amazing profile
(click )
Your future BDR
Your future BDR
About your leads
Intriguing
Fluff
About yourself
Sounds Fake
Salesy
He will without a doubt be able to skyrocket Lemlist
If you need an army, I have what you need!
I wish you a great day.
Founder @jobbini
The rough summary of the video:
“→ On this page you’ll find the details about
the BDR profile
→ If you have other hiring needs (e.g. Head
of Sales, Sales manager, etc.) feel free to
contact me.
I’m specialized in hiring Sales and could
suggest other interesting profiles to you.
→ You’ll find a link at the bottom of this page
to book a call with me.
→ I’m excited to hear more about your hiring
needs, have a great day“
What I like
about it:
The email is very short and
very easy to scan (+ easy to read
on mobile too).
Kévin, he will skyrocket External
your revenue...
Benjamin Macé <ben@jobbini.com>
to kevin
Hello Kevin,
I hope you are doing amazing this Thursday
I really wanted to share with you this amazing profile
(click )
Your future BDR
Your future BDR
He will without a doubt be able to skyrocket Lemlist
If you need an army, I have what you need!
I wish you a great day.
I can put a face to a name + it feels legit, and not like a
spammer.
Kévin, he will skyrocket External
your revenue...
Benjamin Macé <ben@jobbini.com>
to kevin
Hello Kevin,
I hope you are doing amazing this Thursday
I really wanted to share with you this amazing profile
(click )
Founder @jobbini
The email stands out from all
the other emails in my inbox
because of the video. It’s very Intriguing.
Hello Kevin,
I hope you are doing amazing this Thursday
I really wanted to share with you this amazing profile
(click )
Your future BDR
Your future BDR
It’s not asking me for anything,
it sounds like something I’m
receiving & benefitting from.
Most emails ask for my time...
Hello Kevin,
I hope you are doing amazing this Thursday
I really wanted to share with you this amazing profile
(click )
Your future BDR
Your future BDR
Clicking on the video brings me
somewhere that sounds valuable.
It’s well structured, detailed, and
not overwhelming.
Short intro
Summary
Stats
Expectations
Next steps
CTA
Your future BDR
The video is super short (44 s.)
and helps me connect with him. Human touches are great, especially
when most people skip them.
Your future BDR
Overall the approach doesn’t
seem too salesy, which is a game
changer.
Intriguing
Salesy
What can
be improved:
It lacks personnalization. I feel I’m not the only one
receiving this email.
This means that I will not take it
very seriously as I don’t feel it’s
a fit for my problems.
This means it also feels a bit
fake, like fake excitement
because there’s no proof.
I hope you are doing amazing this Thursday
I really wanted to share with you this amazing profile
(click )
He will without a doubt be able to skyrocket Lemlist
If you need an army, I have what you need!
I wish you a great day.
The video is not aligned with
the rest of the content, and
could stand out wayyy more!
Hello Kevin,
I hope you are doing amazing this Thursday
I really wanted to share with you this amazing profile
(click )
Your future BDR
Your future BDR
The video content is
deceptive & passive. It does not
explain why it can be a match.
“→ On this page you’ll find the details about
the BDR profile
→ If you have other hiring needs (e.g. Head
of Sales, Sales manager, etc.) feel free to
contact me.
I’m specialized in hiring Sales and could
suggest other interesting profiles to you.
→ You’ll find a link at the bottom of this page
to book a call with me.
→ I’m excited to hear more about your hiring
needs, have a great day “
It doesn’t feel like my company
& need was researched.
“→ On this page you’ll find the details about
the BDR profile
→ If you have other hiring needs (e.g. Head
of Sales, Sales manager, etc.) feel free to
contact me.
I’m specialized in hiring Sales and could
suggest other interesting profiles to you.
→ You’ll find a link at the bottom of this page
to book a call with me.
→ I’m excited to hear more about your hiring
needs, have a great day “
He doesn’t say how he’s
different than all the other hiring firms.
“→ On this page you’ll find the details about
the BDR profile
→ If you have other hiring needs (e.g. Head
of Sales, Sales manager, etc.) feel free to
contact me.
I’m specialized in hiring Sales and could
suggest other interesting profiles to you.
→ You’ll find a link at the bottom of this page
to book a call with me.
→ I’m excited to hear more about your hiring
needs, have a great day “
It doesn’t feel genuine at this
point because of the lack of
personalization & research.
I’m specialized in hiring Sales and could
suggest other interesting profiles to you.
→ You’ll find a link at the bottom of this page
to book a call with me.
→ I’m excited to hear more about your hiring
needs, have a great day “
The link to book a call is
broken :/
How I would
rewrite it:
BDR profile
External
Benjamin Macé <ben@jobbini.com>
to kevin
I found a very promising profile that matches the
BDR manager role you’re hunting.
#1 thing that caught my attention was his experience
helping 2 B2B SaaS companies reach $100M. See for yourself ↓
1.2x
3 min
1 min 21 sec
Am I going in the right direction?
Take care,
Founder @jobbini
Connect with me on LinkedIn
The content of the video
“→ I went over the job description you
posted **show it on the screen**
→ I feel this profile can be a great fit
**explain why + why it’s relevant for
lemlist**
→ **optional: drop a mini icebreaker (e.g. I
saw on LinekdIn you host Sales events in
your office, it looks super dope & could
make it easier to hire this profile)** → If this is interesting, I can share more
details with you on a quick call
→ Otherwise I’d love a small brief to get more
relevant profiles.
→ If that sounds fair, here’s my
The subject line is shorter and
is more intriguing.
BDR profile External
Benjamin Macé <ben@jobbini.com>
to kevin
I found a very promising profile that matches the
BDR manager role you’re hunting.
#1 thing that caught my attention was his experience
helping 2 B2B SaaS companies reach $100M. See for yourself ↓
The fluff is cut to jump right into
the value. You don’t respect people’s time by
saying it, but by doing it.
BDR profile External
Benjamin Macé <ben@jobbini.com>
to kevin
I found a very promising profile that matches the
BDR manager role you’re hunting.
#1 thing that caught my attention was his experience
helping 2 B2B SaaS companies reach $100M. See for yourself ↓
The personlization is super
relevant to the value given.
+ the job description is linked directly
(there’s a high chance you come at
the right moment).
BDR profile External
Benjamin Macé <ben@jobbini.com>
to kevin
I found a very promising profile that matches the
BDR manager role you’re hunting.
#1 thing that caught my attention was his experience
helping 2 B2B SaaS companies reach $100M. See for yourself ↓
There’s the biggest take away
mentioned early on.
BDR profile External
Benjamin Macé <ben@jobbini.com>
to kevin
I found a very promising profile that matches the
BDR manager role you’re hunting.
#1 thing that caught my attention was his experience
helping 2 B2B SaaS companies reach $100M. See for yourself ↓
The take away is 100% linked
to the goal of the company and
proves that the profile is really
relevant.
BDR profile External
Benjamin Macé <ben@jobbini.com>
to kevin
I found a very promising profile that matches the
BDR manager role you’re hunting.
#1 thing that caught my attention was his experience
helping 2 B2B SaaS companies reach $100M. See for yourself ↓
The “call to action” doesn’t ask
for a meeting and stands out from
most cold emails.
BDR profile External
Benjamin Macé <ben@jobbini.com>
to kevin
I found a very promising profile that matches the
BDR manager role you’re hunting.
#1 thing that caught my attention was his experience
helping 2 B2B SaaS companies reach $100M. See for yourself ↓
The video thumbnail is aligned,
bigger and catches the attention.
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
Am I going in the right direction?
Take care,
The video thumbnail also has
some personalization (company
website). Another proof that it’s
not sent to thousands of people.
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
Am I going in the right direction?
Take care,
The small card shows the video
is super short + that the viewer will
save time by watching it.
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
Am I going in the right direction?
Take care,
There’s a preview of the value
the viewer will get by watching.
+ it makes it even more intriguing.
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
Am I going in the right direction?
Take care,
The face adds an additional
human touch and trust.
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
Am I going in the right direction?
Take care,
There’s a question focusing on
starting a conversation. It acts a bit as if the search for
talent was planned + shows the
willingness to bring more value.
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
Am I going in the right direction?
Take care,
Founder @jobbini
Connect with me on LinkedIn
The face and style are still here
since they stand out, but now has
the links to the company website
and LinkedIn profile.
This way it’s easy for the lead to do
some research (notice how there’s
noAmpitch)
+
it
adds
a
lot
of
trust.
I going in the right direction?
Take care,
Founder @jobbini
Connect with me on LinkedIn
The content of the video
Big focus on showing why the
profile is super relevant + it shows
you did some research.
“→ I went over the job description you
posted **show it on the screen**
→ I feel this profile can be a great fit
**explain why + why it’s relevant for
lemlist**
→ **optional: drop a mini icebreaker (e.g. I
saw on LinekdIn you host Sales events in
your office, it looks super dope & could
make it easier to hire this profile)** → If this is interesting, I can share more
details with you on a quick call
The content of the video
Add some sympathy &
friendliness to show you care.
“→ I went over the job description you
posted **show it on the screen**
→ I feel this profile can be a great fit
**explain why + why it’s relevant for
lemlist**
→ **optional: drop a mini icebreaker (e.g. I
saw on LinekdIn you host Sales events in
your office, it looks super dope & could
make it easier to hire this profile)** → If this is interesting, I can share more
details with you on a quick call
→ Otherwise I’d love a small brief to get more
The content of the video
Focus on the next steps without putting pressure.
→ **optional: drop a mini icebreaker (e.g. I
saw on LinekdIn you host Sales events in
your office, it looks super dope & could
make it easier to hire this profile)** → If this is interesting, I can share more
details with you on a quick call
→ Otherwise I’d love a small brief to get more
relevant profiles.
→ If that sounds fair, here’s my
The content of the video
Make it easy for them to take the
next step with your
link.
→ **optional: drop a mini icebreaker (e.g. I
saw on LinekdIn you host Sales events in
your office, it looks super dope & could
make it easier to hire this profile)** → If this is interesting, I can share more
details with you on a quick call
→ Otherwise I’d love a small brief to get more
relevant profiles.
→ If that sounds fair, here’s my
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Finding
value?
Find 100x more value on:
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
3
0
100
Cold email break down
Part 8
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
I received this email:
Quick conversation
Aaron Doyle
External
aar@solutions via v719a...bnc.salesforce.com
to kevin
Hi Kévin,
Do you feel like you have any needs for custom
software development (Web/Mobile App) or any
other engineering needs for your lemlist?
We at Solutions Loft would be more than happy to
fulfill your tech needs. Do you have time for a quick
discovery call this/next week?
If so, we would be glad to hop on a call and discuss
potential synergies.
Looking forward to your response.
Thanks,
Aaron Doyle | Solutions Loft
Reply with Unsub.
Let’s color
audit the email:
About your leads
About yourself
Intriguing
Sounds Fake
Fluff
Salesy
About your leads
Intriguing
Fluff
About yourself
Sounds Fake
Salesy
Quick conversation
External
Aaron Doyle aar@solutions via v719a...bnc.salesforce.com
to kevin
Hi Kévin,
Do you feel like you have any needs for custom
software development (Web/Mobile App) or any
other engineering needs for your lemlist?
We at Solutions Loft would be more than happy to
fulfill your tech needs. Do you have time for a quick
discovery call this/next week?
If so, we would be glad to hop on a call and discuss
potential synergies.
Looking forward to your response.
Thanks,
Aaron Doyle | Solutions Loft
Reply with Unsub.
What I like
about it:
The email is very short and
very easy to scan (+ easy to read
on mobile too).
Quick conversation
External
Aaron Doyle aar@solutions via v719a...bnc.salesforce.com
to kevin
Hi Kévin,
Do you feel like you have any needs for custom
software development (Web/Mobile App) or any
other engineering needs for your lemlist?
We at Solutions Loft would be more than happy
fulfill your tech needs. Do you have time for a qu
discovery call this/next week?
If so, we would be glad to hop on a call and disc
potential synergies.
Looking forward to your response.
Thanks,
Aaron Doyle | Solutions Loft
Reply with Unsub.
What can
be improved:
{{company_name}} is not
personalization.
I feel I’m not the only one
receiving this email.
Nothing about my needs is
mentioned.
The sender doesn’t have a
profile picture which looks
suspicious
Quick conversation
External
Aaron Doyle aar@solutions via v719a...bnc.salesforce.com
to kevin
Hi Kévin,
Do you feel like you have any needs for custom
software development (Web/Mobile App) or any
other engineering needs for your lemlist?
We at Solutions Loft would be more than happy to
fulfill your tech needs. Do you have time for a quick
discovery call this/next week?
If so, we would be glad to hop on a call and discuss
potential synergies.
The {{first_name}} variable
is in bold and has a typo which
looks like there was an
automation (that failed)
Quick conversation
External
Aaron Doyle aar@solutions via v719a...bnc.salesforce.com
to kevin
Hi Kévin,
Do you feel like you have any needs for custom
software development (Web/Mobile App) or any
other engineering needs for your lemlist?
We at Solutions Loft would be more than happy to
fulfill your tech needs. Do you have time for a quick
discovery call this/next week?
The email is sent from
Salesforce which also looks like
an automation and not genuine
Quick conversation
External
Aaron Doyle aar@solutions via v719a...bnc.salesforce.com
to kevin
Hi Kévin,
Do you feel like you have any needs for custom
software development (Web/Mobile App) or any
other engineering needs for your lemlist?
We at Solutions Loft would be more than happy to
fulfill your tech needs. Do you have time for a quick
discovery call this/next week?
I’dHi Kévin,
add a LinkedIn url in the
signature
that
prospect
Do you feelso
like you
havethe
any needs
for custom
software
development
(Web/Mobile
App)
or
any
can other
research
him
engineering needs for your lemlist?
We at Solutions Loft would be more than happy to
fulfill your tech needs. Do you have time for a quick
discovery call this/next week?
If so, we would be glad to hop on a call and discuss
potential synergies.
Looking forward to your response.
Thanks,
Aaron Doyle | Solutions Loft
Reply with Unsub.
The
small text looks like the
Hi Kévin,
sneakiest
Meta’
s
Do you feel condition
like you have any needs
for custom
software
development
(Web/Mobile
App)
or
any
termsother&engineering
conditions
which
needs for your lemlist?
doesn’t
inspire
trust
We at Solutions Loft would be more than happy to
fulfill your tech needs. Do you have time for a quick
discovery call this/next week?
If so, we would be glad to hop on a call and discuss
potential synergies.
Looking forward to your response.
Thanks,
Aaron Doyle | Solutions Loft
Reply with Unsub.
The body of the email is a
straight up pitch.
Quick conversation
External
Aaron Doyle aar@solutions via v719a...bnc.salesforce.com
to kevin
Hi Kévin,
Do you feel like you have any needs for custom
software development (Web/Mobile App) or any
other engineering needs for your lemlist?
We at Solutions Loft would be more than happy to
fulfill your tech needs. Do you have time for a quick
discovery call this/next week?
If so, we would be glad to hop on a call and discuss
potential synergies.
Looking forward to your response.
How I would
rewrite it:
lemlist mobile
External
Aaron Doyle aar@solutions
to kevin
Do you get a lot of requests for a “lemlist lite” mobile
app?
Wouldn't it be dope to see your campaign results (as
a user) on the go?
lemlist
1h ago
“ US - Head ofSales” reached 23%
positive reply rate Get in touch with
your hot leads now!
Take care,
Dan - CEO @Mobilefirst
Connect with me on LinkedIn
The subject line adds more
curiosity as it stays super vague
lemlist mobile External
Aaron Doyle aar@solutions
to kevin
Do you get a lot of requests for a “lemlist lite” mobile
app?
Wouldn't it be dope to see your campaign results (as
a user) on the go?
lemlist
1h ago
The profile picture adds trust
and credibility
Aaron Doyle aar@solutions
to kevin
Do you get a lot of requests for a “lemlist lite” mobile
app?
Wouldn't it be dope to see your campaign results (as
a user) on the go?
lemlist
1h ago
“ US - Head ofSales” reached 23%
positive reply rate Get in touch with
your hot leads now!
The content goes straight into
the topic instead of adding fluff
Aaron Doyle aar@solutions
to kevin
Do you get a lot of requests for a “lemlist lite” mobile
app?
Wouldn't it be dope to see your campaign results (as
a user) on the go?
lemlist
1h ago
“ US - Head ofSales” reached 23%
positive reply rate Get in touch with
your hot leads now!
It also avoids the words
everybody say “noticed that you”
and looks like I already know
Aaron Doyle aar@solutions
to kevin
Do you get a lot of requests for a “lemlist lite” mobile
app?
Wouldn't it be dope to see your campaign results (as
a user) on the go?
lemlist
1h ago
“ US - Head ofSales” reached 23%
positive reply rate Get in touch with
your hot leads now!
It shows mentions what the
outcome could be
Aaron Doyle aar@solutions
to kevin
Do you get a lot of requests for a “lemlist lite” mobile
app?
Wouldn't it be dope to see your campaign results (as
a user) on the go?
lemlist
1h ago
“ US - Head ofSales” reached 23%
positive reply rate Get in touch with
your hot leads now!
And then shows what it can
look like. Which also helps the
email stand out from others
Aaron Doyle aar@solutions
to kevin
Do you get a lot of requests for a “lemlist lite” mobile
app?
Wouldn't it be dope to see your campaign results (as
a user) on the go?
lemlist
1h ago
“ US - Head ofSales” reached 23%
positive reply rate Get in touch with
your hot leads now!
The email only focuses on the
answer of the prospect to validate
the pain & start a conversation
Aaron Doyle aar@solutions
to kevin
Do you get a lot of requests for a “lemlist lite” mobile
app?
Wouldn't it be dope to see your campaign results (as
a user) on the go?
lemlist
1h ago
“ US - Head ofSales” reached 23%
positive reply rate Get in touch with
your hot leads now!
The signature has a LinkedIn
profile url so the prospect can
easily look up the sender
Take care,
Dan - CEO @Mobilefirst
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Finding
value?
Find 100x more value on:
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
5
0
100
Cold email break down
Part 9
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
I received this email:
In Growth Marketing: Signal determines success
Aaron Doyle
<ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
Hi Kévin
If you’re reading this, we likely have something in
common: we recognize that one of the biggest
challenges facing performance marketers, especially
in the e-commerce space, is signal loss. This is what
led me to join Blotout.
With a few lines of code, Blotout restores growth
marketing signals with a lifetime ID, mitigating the
effects of iOS-14.5, privacy browsers, and ad
blockers.
I thought you'd find the Essential Guide to Signal
Loss worth reading. In five mins, we'll provide you
with the strategic tools concepts, and perspectives
to develop and maintain a competitive advantage.
Ben PashmanChief Revenue Officer44401
Let’s color
audit the email:
About your leads
About yourself
Intriguing
Sounds Fake
Fluff
Salesy
About your leads
About yourself
Intriguing
Sounds Fake
Fluff
Salesy
In Growth Marketing: Signal determines success
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
Hi Kévin
If you’re reading this, we likely have something in
common: we recognize that one of the biggest
challenges facing performance marketers, especially
in the e-commerce space, is signal loss. This is what
led me to join Blotout.
With a few lines of code, Blotout restores growth
marketing signals with a lifetime ID, mitigating the
effects of iOS-14.5, privacy browsers, and ad
blockers.
I thought you'd find the Essential Guide to Signal
Loss worth reading. In five mins, we'll provide you
with the strategic tools concepts, and perspectives
to develop and maintain a competitive advantage.
Ben PashmanChief Revenue Officer44401
What I like
about it:
The sender has a picture &
sent the email from his own
account (increases trust)
In Growth Marketing: Signal determines success
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
Hi Kévin
If you’re reading this, we likely have something in
common: we recognize that one of the biggest
challenges facing performance marketers, especially
in the e-commerce space, is signal loss. This is what
led me to join Blotout.
With a few lines of code, Blotout restores growth
marketing signals with a lifetime ID, mitigating the
effects of iOS-14.5, privacy browsers, and ad
The email is pretty short and
very easy to scan
In Growth Marketing: Signal determines succes
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
Hi Kévin
If you’re reading this, we likely have something in
common: we recognize that one of the biggest
challenges facing performance marketers, especiall
in the e-commerce space, is signal loss. This is wha
led me to join Blotout.
With a few lines of code, Blotout restores growth
marketing signals with a lifetime ID, mitigating the
effects of iOS-14.5, privacy browsers, and ad
blockers.
I thought you'd find the Essential Guide to Signal
Loss worth reading. In five mins, we'll provide you
with the strategic tools concepts, and perspectives
to develop and maintain a competitive advantage.
Ben PashmanChief Revenue Officer44401
Chantecler Ct.,Freemont, CA 94539
He tries to bring value with
an ebook
in the e-commerce space, is signal loss. This is what
led me to join Blotout.
With a few lines of code, Blotout restores growth
marketing signals with a lifetime ID, mitigating the
effects of iOS-14.5, privacy browsers, and ad
blockers.
I thought you'd find the Essential Guide to Signal
Loss worth reading. In five mins, we'll provide you
with the strategic tools concepts, and perspectives
to develop and maintain a competitive advantage.
Ben PashmanChief Revenue Officer44401
Chantecler Ct.,Freemont, CA 94539
He doesn’t ask for a call like
most people would do
in the e-commerce space, is signal loss. This is what
led me to join Blotout.
With a few lines of code, Blotout restores growth
marketing signals with a lifetime ID, mitigating the
effects of iOS-14.5, privacy browsers, and ad
blockers.
I thought you'd find the Essential Guide to Signal
Loss worth reading. In five mins, we'll provide you
with the strategic tools concepts, and perspectives
to develop and maintain a competitive advantage.
Ben PashmanChief Revenue Officer44401
Chantecler Ct.,Freemont, CA 94539
What can
be improved:
The subject line is intriguing
but looks like a marketing
email. Which doesn’t fit the current
context
In Growth Marketing: Signal determines success
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
Hi Kévin
If you’re reading this, we likely have something in
common: we recognize that one of the biggest
challenges facing performance marketers, especially
in the e-commerce space, is signal loss. This is what
led me to join Blotout.
{{first_name}} aside, there is
nothing about the target
In Growth Marketing: Signal determines success
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
Hi Kévin
If you’re reading this, we likely have something in
common: we recognize that one of the biggest
challenges facing performance marketers, especially
in the e-commerce space, is signal loss. This is what
led me to join Blotout.
With a few lines of code, Blotout restores growth
marketing signals with a lifetime ID, mitigating the
effects of iOS-14.5, privacy browsers, and ad
blockers.
His first sentence looks very
impersonal, as if it was sent to
all the marketers in the world
In Growth Marketing: Signal determines success
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
Hi Kévin
If you’re reading this, we likely have something in
common: we recognize that one of the biggest
challenges facing performance marketers, especially
in the e-commerce space, is signal loss. This is what
led me to join Blotout.
With a few lines of code, Blotout restores growth
marketing signals with a lifetime ID, mitigating the
effects of iOS-14.5, privacy browsers, and ad
blockers.
His claim feels a bit generic
In Growth Marketing: Signal determines success
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
Hi Kévin
If you’re reading this, we likely have something in
common: we recognize that one of the biggest
challenges facing performance marketers, especially
in the e-commerce space, is signal loss. This is what
led me to join Blotout.
With a few lines of code, Blotout restores growth
marketing signals with a lifetime ID, mitigating the
effects of iOS-14.5, privacy browsers, and ad
blockers.
His targeting is off - he is
targeting SaaS companies
instead of e-commerce ones
In Growth Marketing: Signal determines success
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
Hi Kévin
If you’re reading this, we likely have something in
common: we recognize that one of the biggest
challenges facing performance marketers, especially
in the e-commerce space, is signal loss. This is what
led me to join Blotout.
With a few lines of code, Blotout restores growth
marketing signals with a lifetime ID, mitigating the
effects of iOS-14.5, privacy browsers, and ad
blockers.
He then starts to pitch his
product
In Growth Marketing: Signal determines success
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
Hi Kévin
If you’re reading this, we likely have something in
common: we recognize that one of the biggest
challenges facing performance marketers, especially
in the e-commerce space, is signal loss. This is what
led me to join Blotout.
With a few lines of code, Blotout restores growth
marketing signals with a lifetime ID, mitigating the
effects of iOS-14.5, privacy browsers, and ad
blockers.
After all of that, the resource
doesn’t seem that genuine
in the e-commerce space, is signal loss. This is what
led me to join Blotout.
With a few lines of code, Blotout restores growth
marketing signals with a lifetime ID, mitigating the
effects of iOS-14.5, privacy browsers, and ad
blockers.
I thought you'd find the Essential Guide to Signal
Loss worth reading. In five mins, we'll provide you
with the strategic tools concepts, and perspectives
to develop and maintain a competitive advantage.
Ben PashmanChief Revenue Officer44401
Chantecler Ct.,Freemont, CA 94539
Especially when it’s followed
by another pitch
in the e-commerce space, is signal loss. This is what
led me to join Blotout.
With a few lines of code, Blotout restores growth
marketing signals with a lifetime ID, mitigating the
effects of iOS-14.5, privacy browsers, and ad
blockers.
I thought you'd find the Essential Guide to Signal
Loss worth reading. In five mins, we'll provide you
with the strategic tools concepts, and perspectives
to develop and maintain a competitive advantage.
Ben PashmanChief Revenue Officer44401
Chantecler Ct.,Freemont, CA 94539
The ebook is not bad but
goes quickly into the
pitching too
in the e-commerce space, is signal loss. This is what
led me to join Blotout.
With a few lines of code, Blotout restores growth
marketing signals with a lifetime ID, mitigating the
effects of iOS-14.5, privacy browsers, and ad
blockers.
I thought you'd find the Essential Guide to Signal
Loss worth reading. In five mins, we'll provide you
with the strategic tools concepts, and perspectives
to develop and maintain a competitive advantage.
Ben PashmanChief Revenue Officer44401
Chantecler Ct.,Freemont, CA 94539
There is no clear CTA. What are the next steps?
in the e-commerce space, is signal loss. This is what
led me to join Blotout.
With a few lines of code, Blotout restores growth
marketing signals with a lifetime ID, mitigating the
effects of iOS-14.5, privacy browsers, and ad
blockers.
I thought you'd find the Essential Guide to Signal
Loss worth reading. In five mins, we'll provide you
with the strategic tools concepts, and perspectives
to develop and maintain a competitive advantage.
Ben PashmanChief Revenue Officer44401
Chantecler Ct.,Freemont, CA 94539
His signature doesn’t have a
LinkedIn profile url or website
url to be able to look him up
in the e-commerce space, is signal loss. This is what
led me to join Blotout.
With a few lines of code, Blotout restores growth
marketing signals with a lifetime ID, mitigating the
effects of iOS-14.5, privacy browsers, and ad
blockers.
I thought you'd find the Essential Guide to Signal
Loss worth reading. In five mins, we'll provide you
with the strategic tools concepts, and perspectives
to develop and maintain a competitive advantage.
Ben PashmanChief Revenue Officer44401
Chantecler Ct.,Freemont, CA 94539
How I would
rewrite it:
ads tracking
External
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
Would you get higher conversions on this ad if you
had a better tracking?
The tracking rabbit hole is often not worth it, but a
quick win is to merge tracking events. I made this quick loom to show you what it can look
like:
The 3 ways to merge tracking
events & increase conversions
1.2x
3 min
2 min 01 sec
Take care,
PS: We can put it to the test with the ad above
Dan - CEO @ForRealTracking
Connect with me on LinkedIn
The subject line adds more
curiosity as it stays super vague
ads tracking External
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
Would you get higher conversions on this ad if you
had a better tracking?
The content goes straight into
the topic and opens the
conversation
ads tracking External
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
Would you get higher conversions on this ad if you
had a better tracking?
There is clear personalization
with the ad of the target company
ads tracking External
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
Would you get higher conversions on this ad if you
had a better tracking?
It also makes the email stand out
from the other emails in the inbox
ads tracking External
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
Would you get higher conversions on this ad if you
had a better tracking?
Turns the full ebook into a short
video showing other ways (more
costly & time consuming)
The tracking rabbit hole is often not worth it, but a
quick win is to merge tracking events. I made this quick loom to show you what it can look
like:
The 3 ways to merge tracking
events & increase conversions
1.2x
3 min 2 min 01 sec
The video thumbnail shows a
human face that looks authentic +
the beginning of the explanation
(graphs that makes you curious) +
the time to watch is reduced
The 3 ways to merge tracking
events & increase conversions
1.2x
3 min 2 min 01 sec
Take care,
There is a PS section that
catches the attention and opens
the conversation
Take care,
PS: We can put it to the test with the ad above
Dan - CEO @ForRealTracking
Connect with me on LinkedIn
There is a LinkedIn profile url to
be able to research easily and see
some social proof
Take care,
PS: We can put it to the test with the ad above
Dan - CEO @ForRealTracking
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Finding
value?
Find 100x more value on:
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
2
0
100
Cold email break down
Part 10
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
I received this follow-up email:
Quick question Kevin
Adam Stanton <adam.s@valuecars52.net>
to kevin
Hi Kevin,
Just wondering if you got a chance to take a look at
my previous email?
Kind regards,
Let’s color
audit the email:
About your leads
About yourself
Intriguing
Sounds Fake
Fluff
Salesy
About your leads
Intriguing
Fluff
About yourself
Sounds Fake
Salesy
Quick question Kevin
Adam Stanton <adam.s@valuecars52.net>
to kevin
Hi Kevin,
Just wondering if you got a chance to take a look at
my previous email?
Kind regards,
What I like
about it:
He follows up!
A lof of people don’t follow-up
thinking it would not be useful.
If they do, they stop after 1 or 2
follow ups.
The email is super short and
very easy to scan
Quick question Kevin
Adam Stanton <adam.s@va
to kevin
Hi Kevin,
Just wondering if you go
my previous email?
Kind regards,
I could see the previous emails
he sent me in the same thread. Some people forget to and end up
losing all the previous context
What can
be improved:
He uses words that doesn’t
make him feel confident and
that most people use. So it can easily push people
away
Quick question Kevin
Adam Stanton <adam.s@valuecars52.net>
to kevin
Hi Kevin,
Just wondering if you got a chance to take a look at
my previous email?
Kind regards,
The subject line is over used
Quick question Kevin
Adam Stanton <adam.s@valuecars52.net>
to kevin
Hi Kevin,
Just wondering if you got a chance to take a look at
my previous email?
Kind regards,
There is no profile picture
which looks suspicious
Quick question Kevin
Adam Stanton <adam.s@valuecars52.net>
to kevin
Hi Kevin,
Just wondering if you got a chance to take a look at
my previous email?
Kind regards,
He uses the same exact
sentence as most follow up
emails
Quick question Kevin
Adam Stanton <adam.s@valuecars52.net>
to kevin
Hi Kevin,
Just wondering if you got a chance to take a look at
my previous email?
Kind regards,
There is no signature to let
the lead do some research
about the prospect
Quick question Kevin
Adam Stanton <adam.s@valuecars52.net>
to kevin
Hi Kevin,
Just wondering if you got a chance to take a look at
my previous email?
Kind regards,
How I would
rewrite it:
Re: sdr quota
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
I took 3 min to show you what it could look like for
{{company_name}}:
1.2x
3 min
Is this accurate?
{{signature}}
1 min 21 sec
The subject line is more
intriguing and shows there was
a previous conversation
Re: sdr quota
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
I took 3 min to show you what it could look like for
{{company_name}}:
The content aims at bringing
more value, not holding the
prospect accountable for a reply
Re: sdr quota
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
I took 3 min to show you what it could look like for
{{company_name}}:
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
It also adapts the previous
email’s content to the company
in a stronger matter
Re: sdr quota
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
I took 3 min to show you what it could look like for
{{company_name}}:
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
There’s a video that stands
out from all the other emails in
the inbox
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
I took 3 min to show you what it could look like for
{{company_name}}:
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
Is this accurate?
The thumbnail shows the
value that will be delivered in the
video
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
I took 3 min to show you what it could look like for
{{company_name}}:
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
Is this accurate?
The thumbnail also shows a
human face talking (makes it
more personal)
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
I took 3 min to show you what it could look like for
{{company_name}}:
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
Is this accurate?
And the thumbnail clearly looks like a
video (with the play button). Bonus, it
shows the time AND how long it will
really take to watch
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
I took 3 min to show you what it could look like for
{{company_name}}:
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
Is this accurate?
The email ends with a
question about the video to push
the prospect to watch the video
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
Is this accurate?
{{signature}}
The email is not ending in a
demo request or time for a call
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
Is this accurate?
{{signature}}
Finally, you have a simple
signature with the LinkedIn url to
let the prospect research you
1.2x
3 min 1 min 21 sec
Is this accurate?
{{signature}}
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Finding
value?
Find 100x more value on:
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
4
0
100
Cold email break down
Part 11
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
I received this email:
I Just Came Across Lemlist 's Website!
Joana Remane
<jremane@lineaagency.com>
to kevin
Dear Kévin ,
Hope your business is doing very well.
I'm the Founder of LINEA Agency, an
Agency designed to scale businesses's
revenue through Online Advertising.
I am writing to let you know that, after
seeing Lemlist's website, a bunch of ideas
came through my head on how the right
advertising strategy could scale its KPI's!
Our first contact with every client is done
with a 10-min Discovery Call, where we get
to meet and have a quick discussion on
whether our expertise are aligned with your
needs.
Here’s the end:
If not, we both continue our busy lives.
I won't pitch you on any special offer or link.
I'm glad you took the time to read this.
Let me know if you need me.
See you soon,
Let’s color
audit the email:
About your leads
About yourself
Intriguing
Sounds Fake
Fluff
Salesy
About your leads
Intriguing
Fluff
About yourself
Sounds Fake
Salesy
I Just Came Across Lemlist 's Website!
Joana Remane <jremane@lineaagency.com>
to kevin
Dear Kévin ,
Hope your business is doing very well.
I'm the Founder of LINEA Agency, an
Agency designed to scale businesses's
revenue through Online Advertising.
I am writing to let you know that, after
seeing Lemlist's website, a bunch of ideas
came through my head on how the right
advertising strategy could scale its KPI's!
Our first contact with every client is done
with a 10-min Discovery Call, where we get
to meet and have a quick discussion on
whether our expertise are aligned with your
needs.
Here’s the end:
If not, we both continue our busy lives.
I won't pitch you on any special offer or link.
I'm glad you took the time to read this.
Let me know if you need me.
See you soon,
What I like
about it:
The subject line is fairly
different to what I receive
which is intriguing
I Just Came Across Lemlist 's Website!
Joana Remane <jremane@lineaagency.com>
to kevin
Dear Kévin ,
Hope your business is doing very well.
I'm the Founder of LINEA Agency, an
Agency designed to scale businesses's
revenue through Online Advertising.
I am writing to let you know that, after
seeing Lemlist's website, a bunch of ideas
came through my head on how the right
advertising strategy could scale its KPI's!
The email is send from a
person’s professional email
address that looks ligit
I Just Came Across Lemlist 's Website!
Joana Remane <jremane@lineaagency.com>
to kevin
Dear Kévin ,
Hope your business is doing very well.
I'm the Founder of LINEA Agency, an
Agency designed to scale businesses's
revenue through Online Advertising.
I am writing to let you know that, after
seeing Lemlist's website, a bunch of ideas
came through my head on how the right
advertising strategy could scale its KPI's!
She tries to have a unique
and valuable approach by
mentioning ideas that can help
I Just Came Across Lemlist 's Website!
Joana Remane <jremane@lineaagency.com>
to kevin
Dear Kévin ,
Hope your business is doing very well.
I'm the Founder of LINEA Agency, an
Agency designed to scale businesses's
revenue through Online Advertising.
I am writing to let you know that, after
seeing Lemlist's website, a bunch of ideas
came through my head on how the right
advertising strategy could scale its KPI's!
She doesn’t ask for time like
most people would
If not, we both continue our busy lives.
I won't pitch you on any special offer or link.
I'm glad you took the time to read this.
Let me know if you need me.
See you soon,
What can
be improved:
The space between the
{{first_name}} and the coma is
a sign that it was automated,
which reduces the trust
I Just Came Across Lemlist 's Website!
Joana Remane <jremane@lineaagency.com>
to kevin
Dear Kévin ,
Hope your business is doing very well.
I'm the Founder of LINEA Agency, an
Agency designed to scale businesses's
revenue through Online Advertising.
I am writing to let you know that, after
seeing Lemlist's website, a bunch of ideas
came through my head on how the right
advertising strategy could scale its KPI's!
She uses a very formal tone
which is off-putting
I Just Came Across Lemlist 's Website!
Joana Remane <jremane@lineaagency.com>
to kevin
Dear Kévin ,
Hope your business is doing very well.
I'm the Founder of LINEA Agency, an
Agency designed to scale businesses's
revenue through Online Advertising.
I am writing to let you know that, after
seeing Lemlist's website, a bunch of ideas
came through my head on how the right
advertising strategy could scale its KPI's!
Her subject line feels a bit
fake. Looks like she landed out
of nowhere
I Just Came Across Lemlist 's Website!
Joana Remane <jremane@lineaagency.com>
to kevin
Dear Kévin ,
Hope your business is doing very well.
I'm the Founder of LINEA Agency, an
Agency designed to scale businesses's
revenue through Online Advertising.
I am writing to let you know that, after
seeing Lemlist's website, a bunch of ideas
came through my head on how the right
advertising strategy could scale its KPI's!
She doesn’t have a profile
picture which looks a bit
suspicious
I Just Came Across Lemlist 's Website!
Joana Remane <jremane@lineaagency.com>
to kevin
Dear Kévin ,
Hope your business is doing very well.
I'm the Founder of LINEA Agency, an
Agency designed to scale businesses's
revenue through Online Advertising.
I am writing to let you know that, after
seeing Lemlist's website, a bunch of ideas
came through my head on how the right
advertising strategy could scale its KPI's!
She sentences that sound fake,
we don’t know each other yet
I Just Came Across Lemlist 's Website!
Joana Remane <jremane@lineaagency.com>
to kevin
Dear Kévin ,
Hope your business is doing very well.
I'm the Founder of LINEA Agency, an
Agency designed to scale businesses's
revenue through Online Advertising.
I am writing to let you know that, after
seeing Lemlist's website, a bunch of ideas
came through my head on how the right
advertising strategy could scale its KPI's!
She focuses on her business
and what she does instead of
talking about her prospect
I Just Came Across Lemlist 's Website!
Joana Remane <jremane@lineaagency.com>
to kevin
Dear Kévin ,
Hope your business is doing very well.
I'm the Founder of LINEA Agency, an
Agency designed to scale businesses's
revenue through Online Advertising.
I am writing to let you know that, after
seeing Lemlist's website, a bunch of ideas
came through my head on how the right
advertising strategy could scale its KPI's!
The intention is good but it’s
vague so feels fake. How can I
know that you’re not lying?
I Just Came Across Lemlist 's Website!
Joana Remane <jremane@lineaagency.com>
to kevin
Dear Kévin ,
Hope your business is doing very well.
I'm the Founder of LINEA Agency, an
Agency designed to scale businesses's
revenue through Online Advertising.
I am writing to let you know that, after
seeing Lemlist's website, a bunch of ideas
came through my head on how the right
advertising strategy could scale its KPI's!
I expected to start getting
some value/feedback but
instead she started pitching
I am writing to let you know that, after
seeing Lemlist's website, a bunch of ideas
came through my head on how the right
advertising strategy could scale its KPI's!
Our first contact with every client is done
with a 10-min Discovery Call, where we get
to meet and have a quick discussion on
whether our expertise are aligned with your
needs.
It doesn’t seem very genuine
since she pitch right above this
If not, we both continue our busy lives.
I won't pitch you on any special offer or link.
I'm glad you took the time to read this.
Let me know if you need me.
See you soon,
The CTA is very vague and is
not helpful to understand the
next steps
If not, we both continue our busy lives.
I won't pitch you on any special offer or link.
I'm glad you took the time to read this.
Let me know if you need me.
See you soon,
There isn’t any kind of
signature that lets me do some
research about her
If not, we both continue our busy lives.
I won't pitch you on any special offer or link.
I'm glad you took the time to read this.
Let me know if you need me.
See you soon,
How I would
rewrite it:
ROAS
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
Got retargeted by one of your ads.
Have you tried comparing your product to
alternatives? Something like this:
Product
Pricing
Knowledge
b wy
y
’
Contact Sales
Login
Try for
for free
free
Try
The est a to find
our
leads
emails
The most advanced
platform to get more
customers
Powered by AI, trained by successful campaigns from 437 million emails
Sign up for lemlist arrow-right
Product
Pricing
Knowledge
Contact Sales
Find prospect emails
Login
AI-Powered by 437 Million Successful Email campaigns
Turn strangers Try for
for free
free
Try
NEW
NEW
Find prospect emails
I’ve seen crazy ROAS in other companies when
they try this format.
I can look at your other creatives too if you find this
valuable. What do you think?
Take care,
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
The subject line is super short,
mentions the key metric of the target
ROAS
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
Got retargeted by one of your ads.
Have you tried comparing your product to
alternatives? Something like this:
Product
Pricing
Knowledge
Contact Sales Login
The best way to find
y
our
leads
’
emails
The most advanced
platform to get more
customers
Powered by AI, trained by successful campaigns from 437 million emails
Sign up for lemlist arrow-right
Try for free
No fluff, going straight into the topic
ROAS
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
Got retargeted by one of your ads.
Have you tried comparing your product to
alternatives? Something like this:
Product
Pricing
Knowledge
Contact Sales Login
The best way to find
y
our
leads
’
emails
The most advanced
platform to get more
customers
Powered by AI, trained by successful campaigns from 437 million emails
Sign up for lemlist arrow-right
Try for free
Starts the conversation with a
simple question
ROAS
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
Got retargeted by one of your ads.
Have you tried comparing your product to
alternatives? Something like this:
Product
Pricing
Knowledge
Contact Sales Login
The best way to find
y
our
leads
’
emails
The most advanced
platform to get more
customers
Powered by AI, trained by successful campaigns from 437 million emails
Sign up for lemlist arrow-right
Try for free
Uses images to catch the attention
and show value directly from the email
Product
Pricing
Knowledge
Contact Sales Login
The best way to find
your
leads’
emails
The most advanced
platform to get more
customers
Try for free
Powered by AI, trained by successful campaigns from 437 million emails
Sign up for lemlist arrow-right
Product
Find prospect emails
Pricing
Knowledge
Contact Sales Login
AI-Powered by 437 Million Successful Email campaigns
Turn strangers into customers
Find buyers, engage, and convert them on autopilot across multiple channels
Sign up for lemlist arrow-right
Try for free
NEW
NEW
NEW
Talk about the dream outcome of
the target
I’ve seen crazy ROAS in other companies when
they try this format.
I can look at your other creatives too if you find this
valuable. What do you think?
Take care,
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Adds a very specific CTA to bring
even more value
I’ve seen crazy ROAS in other companies when
they try this format.
I can look at your other creatives too if you find this
valuable. What do you think?
Take care,
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Has a clear signature with a profile
picture, and links to see social proof.
It could also potentially have a link
towards more value too.
I’ve seen crazy ROAS in other companies when
they try this format.
I can look at your other creatives too if you find this
valuable. What do you think?
Take care,
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Finding
value?
Find 100x more value on:
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
1
0
100
Cold email break down
Part 12
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
I received this email:
Brand Identity Design Collab
Raza Khan
<raza@thinseed.com>
to kevin
Mike - I'm enthusiastic about the chance to collaborate.
If you have an additional workload or upcoming ventures at
Turner, I'm fully prepared to contribute.
See my attached portfolio (PDF) for a glimpse of my
capabilities.
Looking forward to the prospect of a successful
collaboration.
Take care,
Let’s color
audit the email:
About your leads
About yourself
Intriguing
Sounds Fake
Fluff
Salesy
About your leads
Intriguing
Fluff
About yourself
Sounds Fake
Salesy
Brand Identity Design Collab
Raza Khan <raza@thinseed.com>
to kevin
Mike - I'm enthusiastic about the chance to collaborate.
If you have an additional workload or upcoming ventures at
Turner, I'm fully prepared to contribute.
See my attached portfolio (PDF) for a glimpse of my
capabilities.
Looking forward to the prospect of a successful
collaboration.
Take care,
What I like
about it:
The email is super short and
very easy to scan
Brand Identity Design Collab
Raza Khan <raza@thinseed.com>
to kevin
Mike - I'm enthusiastic about the chance to collaborate.
If you have an additional workload or upcoming ventures a
Turner, I'm fully prepared to contribute.
See my attached portfolio (PDF) for a glimpse of my
capabilities.
Looking forward to the prospect of a successful
collaboration.
Take care,
The email is sent from a
person, not a generic email
Brand Identity Design Collab
Raza Khan <raza@thinseed.com>
to kevin
Mike - I'm enthusiastic about the chance to collaborate.
If you have an additional workload or upcoming ventures at
Turner, I'm fully prepared to contribute.
See my attached portfolio (PDF) for a glimpse of my
capabilities.
Looking forward to the prospect of a successful
collaboration.
Take care,
He includes links towards
his LinkedIn and work online
(Dribbble) to get some social
proof
Take care,
He shows what value he can
provide
Take care,
What can
be improved:
You can tell there’s a pitch
from the subject line
Brand Identity Design Collab
Raza Khan <raza@thinseed.com>
to kevin
Mike - I'm enthusiastic about the chance to collaborate.
If you have an additional workload or upcoming ventures at
Turner, I'm fully prepared to contribute.
See my attached portfolio (PDF) for a glimpse of my
capabilities.
Looking forward to the prospect of a successful
collaboration.
Take care,
Looks a bit weird without a
picture
Brand Identity Design Collab
Raza Khan <raza@thinseed.com>
to kevin
Mike - I'm enthusiastic about the chance to collaborate.
If you have an additional workload or upcoming ventures at
Turner, I'm fully prepared to contribute.
See my attached portfolio (PDF) for a glimpse of my
capabilities.
Looking forward to the prospect of a successful
collaboration.
Take care,
Doesn’t seem very legit
Brand Identity Design Collab
Raza Khan <raza@thinseed.com>
to kevin
Mike - I'm enthusiastic about the chance to collaborate.
If you have an additional workload or upcoming ventures at
Turner, I'm fully prepared to contribute.
See my attached portfolio (PDF) for a glimpse of my
capabilities.
Looking forward to the prospect of a successful
collaboration.
Take care,
Shows that he didn’t do any
research and is going in blind
Brand Identity Design Collab
Raza Khan <raza@thinseed.com>
to kevin
Mike - I'm enthusiastic about the chance to collaborate.
If you have an additional workload or upcoming ventures at
Turner, I'm fully prepared to contribute.
See my attached portfolio (PDF) for a glimpse of my
capabilities.
Looking forward to the prospect of a successful
collaboration.
Take care,
After that, he talk directly
about him
Brand Identity Design Collab
Raza Khan <raza@thinseed.com>
to kevin
Mike - I'm enthusiastic about the chance to collaborate.
If you have an additional workload or upcoming ventures at
Turner, I'm fully prepared to contribute.
See my attached portfolio (PDF) for a glimpse of my
capabilities.
Looking forward to the prospect of a successful
collaboration.
Take care,
It doesn’t feel genuine
because it looks like the whole
email was sent to a lot of people
Brand Identity Design Collab
Raza Khan <raza@thinseed.com>
to kevin
Mike - I'm enthusiastic about the chance to collaborate.
If you have an additional workload or upcoming ventures at
Turner, I'm fully prepared to contribute.
See my attached portfolio (PDF) for a glimpse of my
capabilities.
Looking forward to the prospect of a successful
collaboration.
Take care,
The portfolio feels a bit
generic, it would have been
awesome to have a
personalized slide deck (w/ google slides for example)
Take care,
How I would
rewrite it:
{{companyName}} brand
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
Do you think {{companyName}} could increase
conversions from a similar rebranding?
Take care,
PS: Supermood got a 35% increase in conversions
after 4 months
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Very short subject line, gives
a first hint but stays vague
{{companyName}} brand
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
Do you think {{companyName}} could increase
conversions from a similar rebranding?
Sent with a picture
{{companyName}} brand
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
Do you think {{companyName}} could increase
conversions from a similar rebranding?
Focus directly on the desired
outcome of the target
{{companyName}} brand
Aaron Doyle <ben@blotout.io>
to kevin
Do you think {{companyName}} could increase
conversions from a similar rebranding?
Shows a before and after of
the value brought to a company
in the same industry
Backs up the transformation
with the results in a PS section
Take care,
PS: Supermood got a 35% increase in conversions
after 4 months
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Signature with a picture in
case the sender’s one didn’t go
through
Take care,
PS: Supermood got a 35% increase in conversions
after 4 months
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Signature with a LinkedIn
URL to look the sender up and
see social proof ( + the basics)
Take care,
PS: Supermood got a 35% increase in conversions
after 4 months
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Finding
value?
Find 100x more value on:
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
13
0
100
Cold email break down
Part 13
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
TheCheatSheetGuy.com
I received this email:
I’m starting as a copywriter
Anna Allemon
<anna.allemon.writer@gmail.com>
to kevin
Hi,
My name is Anna Allemon.
I have recently started as a copywriter, I’ve been helping
companies in multiple industries like Fintech, Fitness,
Health, etc...
I like what your company is doing and I’d love to help you
convert more traffic into sign ups.
I can share a few samples of my work if you’re interested.
I am looking forward to hearing back.
Warmest,
Anna Allemon
Let’s color
audit the email:
About your leads
About yourself
Intriguing
Sounds Fake
Fluff
Salesy
About your leads
Intriguing
Fluff
About yourself
Sounds Fake
Salesy
I’m starting as a copywriter
Anna Allemon <anna.allemon.writer@gmail.com>
to kevin
Hi,
My name is Anna Allemon.
I have recently started as a copywriter, I’ve been helping
companies in multiple industries like Fintech, Fitness,
Health, etc...
I like what your company is doing and I’d love to help you
convert more traffic into sign ups.
I can share a few samples of my work if you’re interested.
I am looking forward to hearing back.
Warmest,
Anna Allemon
What I like
about it:
The email is super short and
very easy to scan
I’m starting as a copywriter
Anna Allemon <anna.allemon.writer@gmail.com>
to kevin
Hi,
My name is Anna Allemon.
I have recently started as a copywriter, I’ve been he
companies in multiple industries like Fintech, Fitne
Health, etc...
I like what your company is doing and I’d love to he
convert more traffic into sign ups.
I can share a few samples of my work if you’re inte
I am looking forward to hearing back.
She focuses on the right
pains a marketer has
I’m starting as a copywriter
Anna Allemon <anna.allemon.writer@gmail.com>
to kevin
Hi,
My name is Anna Allemon.
I have recently started as a copywriter, I’ve been helping
companies in multiple industries like Fintech, Fitness,
Health, etc...
I like what your company is doing and I’d love to help you
convert more traffic into sign ups.
I can share a few samples of my work if you’re interested.
I am looking forward to hearing back.
Warmest,
Anna Allemon
She is showing that she can
bring value for free
I’m starting as a copywriter
Anna Allemon <anna.allemon.writer@gmail.com>
to kevin
Hi,
My name is Anna Allemon.
I have recently started as a copywriter, I’ve been helping
companies in multiple industries like Fintech, Fitness,
Health, etc...
I like what your company is doing and I’d love to help you
convert more traffic into sign ups.
I can share a few samples of my work if you’re interested.
I am looking forward to hearing back.
Warmest,
Anna Allemon
What can
be improved:
The subject line is not
focused on the target
I’m starting as a copywriter
Anna Allemon <anna.allemon.writer@gmail.com>
to kevin
Hi,
My name is Anna Allemon.
I have recently started as a copywriter, I’ve been helping
companies in multiple industries like Fintech, Fitness,
Health, etc...
I like what your company is doing and I’d love to help you
convert more traffic into sign ups.
I can share a few samples of my work if you’re interested.
I am looking forward to hearing back.
Warmest,
She sends the email from a
personal email address
I’m starting as a copywriter
Anna Allemon <anna.allemon.writer@gmail.com>
to kevin
Hi,
My name is Anna Allemon.
I have recently started as a copywriter, I’ve been helping
companies in multiple industries like Fintech, Fitness,
Health, etc...
I like what your company is doing and I’d love to help you
convert more traffic into sign ups.
I can share a few samples of my work if you’re interested.
I am looking forward to hearing back.
Warmest,
Goes straight into pitching
(mentions niches that are not
relevant to the target)
I’m starting as a copywriter
Anna Allemon <anna.allemon.writer@gmail.com>
to kevin
Hi,
My name is Anna Allemon.
I have recently started as a copywriter, I’ve been helping
companies in multiple industries like Fintech, Fitness,
Health, etc...
I like what your company is doing and I’d love to help you
convert more traffic into sign ups.
I can share a few samples of my work if you’re interested.
I am looking forward to hearing back.
Warmest,
How do I know it’s not sent
to thousands of people? It sounds fake
I’m starting as a copywriter
Anna Allemon <anna.allemon.writer@gmail.com>
to kevin
Hi,
My name is Anna Allemon.
I have recently started as a copywriter, I’ve been helping
companies in multiple industries like Fintech, Fitness,
Health, etc...
I like what your company is doing and I’d love to help you
convert more traffic into sign ups.
I can share a few samples of my work if you’re interested.
I am looking forward to hearing back.
Warmest,
Why can’t you show me
directly in the first email?
I’m starting as a copywriter
Anna Allemon <anna.allemon.writer@gmail.com>
to kevin
Hi,
My name is Anna Allemon.
I have recently started as a copywriter, I’ve been helping
companies in multiple industries like Fintech, Fitness,
Health, etc...
I like what your company is doing and I’d love to help you
convert more traffic into sign ups.
I can share a few samples of my work if you’re interested.
I am looking forward to hearing back.
Warmest,
The CTA is very weak and
doesn’t push people to take
action
I’m starting as a copywriter
Anna Allemon <anna.allemon.writer@gmail.com>
to kevin
Hi,
My name is Anna Allemon.
I have recently started as a copywriter, I’ve been helping
companies in multiple industries like Fintech, Fitness,
Health, etc...
I like what your company is doing and I’d love to help you
convert more traffic into sign ups.
I can share a few samples of my work if you’re interested.
I am looking forward to hearing back.
Warmest,
No picture or LinkedIn url, so
the prospect can’t research you
I’m starting as a copywriter
Anna Allemon <anna.allemon.writer@gmail.com>
to kevin
Hi,
My name is Anna Allemon.
I have recently started as a copywriter, I’ve been helping
companies in multiple industries like Fintech, Fitness,
Health, etc...
I like what your company is doing and I’d love to help you
convert more traffic into sign ups.
I can share a few samples of my work if you’re interested.
I am looking forward to hearing back.
Warmest,
Anna Allemon
How I would
rewrite it:
CRO
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
Landed on your website after looking for cold email
tools (you rank well ) - but I think you can convert
more.
Here’s a quick example with your hero section:
Product
Pricing
Knowledge
Contact Sales
Login
Try for
for free
free
Try
Powered by AI, trained by successful campaigns from 437 million emails
The most advanced
platform to get more
customers
Sign up for lemlist arrow-right
Product
Pricing
Knowledge
Contact Sales
AI-Powered by 437 Million Successful Email campaigns
Login
Try for
for free
free
Try
NEW
NEW
Product
Pricing
Knowledge
Contact Sales Login
AI-Powered by 437 Million Successful Email campaigns
Turn strangers into customers
Find buyers, engage, and convert them on autopilot across multiple channels
Try for free
NEW
NEW
NEW
Sign up for lemlist arrow-right
I love making bets: I’ll update the copy of your home
page (for free), and A/B test it for 2 weeks.
If CRO increases, I’m your new copywriter, if not, I’m not
Are you in?
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
The subject line is super short,
focused on the objective of my target
(conversion rate optimization) and
stays vague to push to open the email
CRO
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
Landed on your website after looking for cold email
tools (you rank well ) - but I think you can convert
more.
Here’s a quick example with your hero section:
Product
Pricing
Knowledge
Contact Sales Login
Powered by AI, trained by successful campaigns from 437 million emails
The most advanced
platform to get more
Try for free
Sends from a person’s email
on a professional domain
CRO
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
Landed on your website after looking for cold email
tools (you rank well ) - but I think you can convert
more.
Here’s a quick example with your hero section:
Product
Pricing
Knowledge
Contact Sales Login
Powered by AI, trained by successful campaigns from 437 million emails
The most advanced
platform to get more
Try for free
Adds personalization &
focus on the target from the
start + no fluff
CRO
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
Landed on your website after looking for cold email
tools (you rank well ) - but I think you can convert
more.
Here’s a quick example with your hero section:
Product
Pricing
Knowledge
Contact Sales Login
Powered by AI, trained by successful campaigns from 437 million emails
The most advanced
platform to get more
Try for free
And backs it up with some
proof - an image of the
website
CRO
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz <kevin@lemlist.com>
to kevin
Landed on your website after looking for cold email
tools (you rank well ) - but I think you can convert
more.
Here’s a quick example with your hero section:
Product
Pricing
Knowledge
Contact Sales Login
Powered by AI, trained by successful campaigns from 437 million emails
The most advanced
platform to get more
Try for free
Product
Pricing
Knowledge
Try for free
Contact Sales Login
ShowsThea most
free sample
of
advanced
how to platform
solve thetotarget’
s
get
more
problem customers
Powered by AI, trained by successful campaigns from 437 million emails
Sign up for lemlist arrow-right
Product
Pricing
Knowledge
Contact Sales Login
AI-Powered by 437 Million Successful Email campaigns
Turn strangers into customers
Find buyers, engage, and convert them on autopilot across multiple channels
Try for free
NEW
NEW
NEW
Sign up for lemlist arrow-right
I love making bets: I’ll update the copy of your home
page (for free), and A/B test it for 2 weeks.
If CRO increases, I’m your new copywriter, if not, I’m not
Gives an irresistible offer no risk forTurn
the strangers target, full value
into customers
Product
Pricing
Knowledge
Contact Sales Login
AI-Powered by 437 Million Successful Email campaigns
Try for free
NEW
NEW
Find buyers, engage, and convert them on autopilot across multiple channels
NEW
Sign up for lemlist arrow-right
I love making bets: I’ll update the copy of your home
page (for free), and A/B test it for 2 weeks.
If CRO increases, I’m your new copywriter, if not, I’m not
Are you in?
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Adds a touch of humour
Turn strangers into customers
Product
Pricing
Knowledge
Contact Sales Login
AI-Powered by 437 Million Successful Email campaigns
Find buyers, engage, and convert them on autopilot across multiple channels
Try for free
NEW
NEW
NEW
Sign up for lemlist arrow-right
I love making bets: I’ll update the copy of your home
page (for free), and A/B test it for 2 weeks.
If CRO increases, I’m your new copywriter, if not, I’m not
Are you in?
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Gives a clear CTA
Turn strangers into customers
Product
Pricing
Knowledge
Contact Sales Login
AI-Powered by 437 Million Successful Email campaigns
Find buyers, engage, and convert them on autopilot across multiple channels
Try for free
NEW
NEW
NEW
Sign up for lemlist arrow-right
I love making bets: I’ll update the copy of your home
page (for free), and A/B test it for 2 weeks.
If CRO increases, I’m your new copywriter, if not, I’m not
Are you in?
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Adds a signature w/ picture
+ LinkedIn url to see some
Turn strangers social proof
into customers
Product
Pricing
Knowledge
Contact Sales Login
AI-Powered by 437 Million Successful Email campaigns
Try for free
NEW
NEW
Find buyers, engage, and convert them on autopilot across multiple channels
NEW
Sign up for lemlist arrow-right
I love making bets: I’ll update the copy of your home
page (for free), and A/B test it for 2 weeks.
If CRO increases, I’m your new copywriter, if not, I’m not
Are you in?
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Head of Product, Design & Ops @lemlist
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
Did
you
enjoy this?
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Kévin Moënne-Loccoz
The Cheat Sheet Guy. 10x your Growth in 30 days. Link in bio.
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