First published in the United States of America in 2023 by Chronicle
Books LLC.
Originally published in Great Britain in 2023 by Vermilion.
Copyright © 2023 by Alice Gendron.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form
without written permission from the publisher.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available.
ISBN 978-1-7972-2734-4 (epub, mobi)
ISBN 978-1-7972-2733-7 (paperback)
This book contains advice and information relating to health and
interpersonal well-being. It is not intended to replace medical or
psychotherapeutic advice and should be used to supplement rather than
replace any needed care by your doctor or mental health professional.
While all efforts have been made to ensure accuracy of the information
contained in this book as of date of publication, the publisher and the
author are not responsible for any adverse effects or consequences that
may occur as a result of applying the methods suggested in this book.
Chronicle books and gifts are available at special quantity discounts to
corporations, professional associations, literacy programs, and other
organizations. For details and discount information, please contact our
premiums department at corporatesales@chroniclebooks.com or at 1800-759-0190.
Chronicle Prism is an imprint of Chronicle Books LLC
680 Second Street, San Francisco, California 94107
www.chronicleprism.com
What’s wrong with me?
How to use this book
part 1
adhd 101
CHAPTER 1 What is ADHD?
What is ADHD?
The three types of ADHD
ADHD or ADD?
How common is ADHD?
ADHD misconceptions
CHAPTER 2 The ADHD Diagnosis
Who can diagnose ADHD?
The ADHD assessment
Symptoms of ADHD
Why are so many people diagnosed with ADHD later in life?
Related disorders
CHAPTER 3 What happens after an ADHD diagnosis?
Managing emotions after an ADHD diagnosis
Talking about your diagnosis
Finding support
CHAPTER 4 ADHD Glossary
part 2
a day with adhd
part 3
adhd hacks
Conclusion
Acknowledgments
Index
What’s wrong with me?
For many years I asked myself these questions:
Why can’t I stay
consistent when I start
a new hobby?
Why can’t I control
myself and avoid
interrupting people
when they talk?
Why can’t I stay on top
of my work or my
homework?
Why can’t I pay my
bills on time?
Why can’t I remember
to go to my dentist
appointment?
Why can’t I keep a
plant alive?
These questions started to pop into my head when I
was a kid, and they kept getting louder and louder. At
the start of my twenties, the questions were perturbing.
In my late twenties, they started to feel very upsetting.
In the end, the one question that summarized them all
was: “What’s wrong with me?”
Now I know. The answer is: nothing. Nothing is
wrong with me. My struggles and my behavior are
perfectly normal… for someone with ADHD.
Getting diagnosed at 29 and being able to share my
challenges with my online community helped me
realize this. Among people with ADHD, my “quirks” are
the norm, and my weirdest anecdotes are perfectly
ordinary.
Looking back, my ADHD was obvious all my life. I
was a creative child who got in trouble for talking too
much and acting impulsively. I was a dreamy teenager,
able to focus for hours on my artwork, but not able to
fully pay attention to what my teacher was saying in
class. I was a confused young adult, jumping from one
career to another, and accumulating late fees for every
bill. For months I fought the idea of getting assessed,
before I finally found the courage to ask for an
assessment appointment. I was terrified of being
dismissed. I was convinced I was making it up. But I
needed answers so badly that I did it anyway.
When the psychiatrist who assessed me casually
remarked, “It’s quite obvious that you have ADHD,” I felt
a weight lift from my shoulders. I knew that from that
moment, I would be able to stop asking myself, “What’s
wrong with me?” every day. I had an answer. I had
something to research and understand. And most
importantly, I wasn’t alone anymore.
How to use this book
When I started posting doodles about ADHD on
Instagram in 2020, I just wanted to share my
experience in order to start conversations.
Almost instantly, many people told me how
relatable my drawings felt to them. They said my
doodles helped them feel less alone with their
quirks and struggles.
I want this book to bring you the same feeling. I would
like you to understand that what is normal for others
may not be normal for you, and vice versa. Whether
you have already been diagnosed, or are just starting
your journey, I hope that reading this book will help
you realize that nothing is wrong with you. Your
feelings are valid, and your struggles are real. You just
need to understand yourself better.
If you are reading this book because you know
someone with ADHD and you want to understand them
better: Congrats! You are a good friend. Having people
around us willing to listen and to understand what we
experience is vital. This book will help you understand
what it’s like to live with ADHD, and what can help us
manage our symptoms.
This is a book about ADHD, made by someone with
ADHD. So feel free to open and read it from a random
page, start it from the end, zone out and re-read the
same paragraph ten times in a row, or avoid the pages
that you don’t want to read.
part 1
ADHD is a very
misunderstood
condition. There are
many misconceptions
surrounding ADHD,
and it deserves to be
better understood,
especially by those
who live with it.
Understanding how
ADHD 101
our brains work and
what challenges these
differences typically
bring is the key to
finally feeling at
peace. When we
know why we act the
way we do, it’s much
easier to find a
solution; when we
know we’re not alone
in acting this way, it’s
much easier to
develop kindness
towards ourselves.
WHAT IS ADHD?
CHAPTER 1
What is ADHD?
Being diagnosed with ADHD doesn’t mean that
you instantly know what ADHD is. I receive
messages every day from people telling me they
were diagnosed in childhood, but didn’t realize
the impact ADHD had on their daily lives. When I
was diagnosed aged 29, I felt the same. I was
told I had ADHD, but no one ever explained
what this meant. So let’s take a look at what
ADHD really is!
ADHD IS A NEURODEVELOPMENTAL DISORDER
A neurodevelopmental disorder is a condition that
affects the development of the brain and nervous
system. As a result, people with ADHD have a brain
that works differently from those without ADHD. It also
means that people with ADHD are born with the
condition and will have it all their lives.
ADHD IS (PROBABLY) CAUSED BY GENETICS
Scientists are still not entirely sure what causes ADHD,
but more and more specialists believe that it could be
linked to genetics. This could explain why experts
believe the chance of inheriting ADHD is around 80
percent. If your family is full of ADHDers, this could be
why!
ADHD IS LINKED TO DOPAMINE
Many believe that ADHD could be linked to dopamine.
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter, mainly responsible for
feelings of pleasure and reward. According to some
studies, people with ADHD have lower levels of
dopamine. That’s why stimulant medications, which
increase dopamine levels, are sometimes used to treat
ADHD.
HAVING ADHD MEANS HAVING A DIFFERENT BRAIN
ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, which means
that people with ADHD have brains that have
developed in a different way to people without ADHD.
Even though there have been very few studies carried
out on the brains of people with ADHD, in one
experiment, scientists were able to identify 79.3
percent of the people who had an ADHD diagnosis just
by looking at the structure of their brains.
The three types of ADHD
Did you know that people diagnosed with
ADHD often experience the condition quite
differently from one another? This is because
everyone has subjective experiences, but it’s
also because there are three types of ADHD.
The American Psychiatric Association has
identified these as:
predominantly
hyperactive-impulsive
predominantly
inattentive
combined
Each type has a specific set of symptoms that
impact life in various ways. Even if you are
diagnosed with one type of ADHD at a point in
your life (for example, if you were diagnosed
with hyperactive type as a child), it’s possible to
show symptoms of another type later in life.
Many people with ADHD learn to mask
hyperactive symptoms growing up and are
diagnosed with inattentive type ADHD as adults.
Having this type of ADHD means experiencing mainly
hyperactive and impulsive symptoms (you’ll see
examples of symptoms in the next chapter). It doesn’t
mean you don’t struggle with inattention or
forgetfulness, but it’s less pronounced than in someone
with the inattentive or combined types. People with
hyperactive type ADHD can be mentally hyperactive,
physically hyperactive or both. The predominantly
hyperactive-impulsive type is less common among
adults, but it’s the most common type among
preschool children.
People with inattentive ADHD are often called
“daydreamers.” They mostly struggle with forgetfulness,
distraction, and inattention. They may seem a bit
“spacey” and lost in their own mind. People with the
inattentive type of ADHD usually experience a lower
level of physical hyperactivity.
People with this type of ADHD can struggle with
inattention and forgetfulness, but also with
hyperactivity and impulsivity. The intensity of their
symptoms can vary and they sometimes mask their
hyperactive and impulsive side. Many people
diagnosed with ADHD as adults are combined type,
with a tendency to experience more mental than
physical hyperactivity.
ADHD or ADD?
The term ADD is no longer used in most
countries and has been replaced with the
acronym ADHD. ADD was previously used to
describe individuals with ADHD who did not
display many symptoms of hyperactivity in
comparison with others. It was replaced with the
overall term ADHD by the American Psychiatric
Association in 1987.
The concept of ADHD subtypes was then
introduced in 1994. If you were previously
diagnosed with ADD, it’s likely that your
diagnosis would now be known as ADHD
inattentive type.
How common is ADHD?
People are often surprised to know how many
people around them have ADHD, but ADHD is
not a rare condition, and it has now become
more well known and talked about. Adult ADHD
has an estimated worldwide prevalence of 2.8
percent, so it’s likely that you already know
someone who has it.
In some studies, the number of people with
ADHD in the US is estimated to be as high as 4.4
percent of the adult population—that’s close to
potentially 15 million people with ADHD in the
US alone! However, it’s not a figure that’s easy to
calculate: there are many misdiagnoses, many
adults are still undiagnosed, and some countries
do not even collect this data.
ADHD misconceptions
“ADHD IS A BOY DISORDER”
For a long time, ADHD was often associated with the
image of a young boy fidgeting, unable to sit still, and
throwing tantrums. This is a very outdated and
stereotypical view of ADHD, and it’s far from the much
more complex reality. ADHD affects everyone
differently, regardless of gender or age.
“ADHD IS LAZINESS”
Do people with ADHD struggle with procrastination
and have difficulty initiating tasks? Yes. Are they lazy?
Certainly not. Most people with ADHD have to try
harder than people without ADHD to accomplish the
same tasks. It is detrimental to perceive ADHD as
laziness, as undiagnosed people will often feel
tremendous shame, thinking they are “just lazy.” The
reality is much more complex than that.
“ADHD IS THE RESULT OF BAD PARENTING”
Too much sugar, too much TV, too many toys… Many
people will tell you they believe ADHD results from bad
parenting. Even though the causes of ADHD are still
not properly understood, we do know that it’s
something you are born with, and not something you
develop because of how you are raised.
“ADHD IS OBVIOUS”
This misconception is one of the reasons why so many
people are not yet diagnosed. ADHD is not always
noticeable (even though it can be!) and most of the
time, you can’t tell for sure if someone has ADHD or
not. That’s because all people with ADHD are different
and will act and react in their own way. It’s also why
ADHD is not always easy to diagnose, as we will see in
the next chapter.
When it comes to ADHD, many factors are still to be
discovered. Even though it’s been well researched and
we have excellent specialists talking about it, ADHD is
still widely misunderstood. I hope this chapter helped
you understand more about ADHD, without being too
overwhelming. In the next chapter, we’ll discover
everything you need to know about an ADHD
diagnosis! And remember:
ADHD is one of the most common developmental
disorders among children.
ADHD brains work differently from non-ADHD
brains.
Two people with ADHD can have different
experiences.
There are still many misconceptions about ADHD.
THE ADHD DIAGNOSIS
CHAPTER 2
Who can diagnose ADHD?
ADHD can only officially be diagnosed by a
health professional. In most countries
psychiatrists are the recognized professionals
who conduct official assessments.
The ADHD assessment
ADHD is diagnosed through a clinical
evaluation, where a health professional observes
your symptoms. Some countries and
professionals offer brain scans or other tests, but
this isn’t the case everywhere. It’s likely that
several questionnaires and official lists of
symptoms would be used for assessment, such
as those found in the latest edition of the
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders (or DSM-5).
To diagnose you, the professional will need to
see that you exhibit most of the symptoms, that
they have a negative impact on your life, and
that you have experienced the symptoms for
longer than a few months.
Symptoms of ADHD
In most countries, you need to experience at
least five symptoms of inattention and five
symptoms of hyperactivity in order to be
diagnosed with ADHD. To be sure that it’s not
another condition, you must experience these
symptoms for more than six months. And they
need to impact at least two areas of your life, for
example, work and relationships.
INATTENTIVE SYMPTOMS
Experiencing forgetfulness and distractibility, like
losing your phone, keys, and wallet all the time, or
zoning out when someone is talking to you, are a major
part of inattentive symptoms. But remember that many
people with ADHD develop strategies to hide or
overcompensate for these traits. That’s why, for
example, you might never lose your belongings, but
maybe you are constantly checking that you have them
because you are afraid of losing them.
Here are some inattentive symptoms:
Being easily distracted
Having difficulties with
organization
Struggling to focus your attention
Making frequent mistakes
Difficulty with following
instructions
HYPERACTIVE-IMPULSIVE SYMPTOMS
ADHD hyperactivity is much more than just having
trouble staying seated for long periods of time. Mental
hyperactivity, for example, might cause you to struggle
to fall asleep at night because of racing thoughts. You
may interrupt people during conversations, tend to
impulse buy, or even fidget. All these things can be
symptoms of hyperactivity and impulsivity.
Here are some hyperactive symptoms:
Fidgeting
Feeling restless
Having difficulty relaxing
Talking a lot and very quickly
Interrupting others during
conversations
UNOFFICIAL SYMPTOMS
Many people with ADHD experience traits that are not
on the official list of symptoms. Even though they may
not form part of the official ADHD criteria, they are
often part of the ADHD experience. These can be
issues like struggling with perception of time, difficulty
managing emotions, feeling rejection very strongly,
being able to focus on specific things intensely, or
being extremely sensitive to sensory input.
Here are some unofficial symptoms:
Struggling with sleep
Having sensory issues, such as
sensitivity to noise, textures, or
foods
Being very sensitive to rejection or
criticism
Struggling with time awareness
Hyperfocusing on interesting
things
Why are so many people
diagnosed with ADHD later
in life?
More and more adults are being diagnosed with
ADHD later in life. That’s because we now know
that this disorder can present itself more subtly
than was previously understood.
In recent years, many people with ADHD have
chosen to talk openly about their diagnosis,
which has helped to remove some of the stigma
around the condition. But there are still many
factors that prevent adults from being
diagnosed.
COST OF DIAGNOSIS
In many countries, an ADHD assessment made by a
professional can cost a lot of money. When you add in
the fact that people with ADHD often struggle with
employment and money management issues, it’s clear
that the cost of diagnosis can be a reason why some
adults are still living with undiagnosed ADHD today.
LONG WAITING LIST
Even if you live in a country with free public healthcare,
the demand for assessment is often so high that
waiting lists are incredibly long. It’s common to hear
people from these countries say they are on a two-year
waiting list to be assessed.
FEAR OF BEING DISMISSED
Many adults are not ready to start their ADHD
diagnosis journey, because they dread being
dismissed if they talk about their situation with a health
professional. Unfortunately, sometimes it happens. If a
health professional is telling you that you don’t have
ADHD, but they haven’t taken the time to evaluate this
properly, it’s a good idea to seek a second opinion.
Related disorders
Because ADHD symptoms are sometimes similar
to symptoms of other disorders, it can be hard
for people with ADHD to get a diagnosis for
another condition, such as anxiety or depression.
For example, having trouble focusing can also
be a symptom of depression, and impulsive
behavior can also be a feature of borderline
personality disorder (BPD). If your diagnosis
doesn’t feel right, ask for a second opinion or
speak to friends and family members about how
you are feeling.
Getting an ADHD diagnosis is not always easy. This is in
part because ADHD is complex and can impact people
differently, but also because other mental health
conditions can hide ADHD symptoms. Even though
awareness of ADHD has increased, many people,
including some mental health professionals, still have a
very stereotypical view of it. I hope things will change in
the coming years, so that everyone wondering if they
have ADHD can quickly get the answers they deserve.
In the next chapter, we will look at what to do with
these answers when you finally receive them. And
remember:
An ADHD diagnosis must come from a healthcare
professional.
ADHD can sometimes be misdiagnosed or
overlooked, especially if you don’t fit the
stereotype.
Symptoms of ADHD can vary from one person to
another.
WHAT HAPPENS AFTER AN ADHD DIAGNOSIS?
CHAPTER 3
Managing emotions after
an ADHD diagnosis
It’s normal to feel a lot of different emotions after
an ADHD diagnosis. It’s a big step and many
people need time to adjust emotionally. When I
was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 29, I felt
instant relief. I finally had an answer to the
question I had always asked myself: “What’s
wrong with me?” The answer was that nothing
was wrong. I was just different.
But this pleasant feeling of relief was soon
replaced by other emotions, like sadness, anger,
and confusion. I remember that the months that
followed my diagnosis were complicated, and I
experienced many strong and conflicting
emotions, which I wasn’t prepared for.
It’s quite normal to feel sad after your ADHD diagnosis.
I felt extremely downhearted for some weeks after I
received mine. Depending on your age, you might feel
like you have missed out on part of your life. You could
be thinking that you might have done things differently
if you had known. You might reflect and see how your
undiagnosed ADHD has impacted your career, love
life, and self-esteem. It’s OK to feel like you are
grieving. Take your time and ask for help if it’s too
much to go through alone.
Many people seek an assessment for ADHD because
they are confused or uncertain about their symptoms.
Unfortunately, even after being formally diagnosed
with ADHD, some doubt that the diagnosis is correct;
they may feel like an imposter or struggle to accept
that they have ADHD. I felt like this for weeks after my
diagnosis. If you have similar feelings, it’s a good idea
to talk to someone about them. And remember that
you are allowed to ask for a second opinion if
something feels “off” about your diagnosis.
Some people feel that a considerable weight is lifted
when they get their ADHD diagnosis. That’s how I felt
when my psychiatrist told me the result of my
assessment. I left the appointment with a big smile on
my face. When you spend years thinking “What’s wrong
with me?” without finding any answers, having a label
to put to your struggles can be a relief. If you are
experiencing this, enjoy it and embrace the peace of
mind this new information is offering you.
If you are filled with rage and anger after getting your
ADHD diagnosis, you are not alone. Emotional
reactions to diagnosis can be extreme, especially if it
happens later in life. I definitely felt this way. You may
ask yourself why nobody noticed that you may have
had a condition that required help. You might be angry
if you had to wait a long time to get assessed, thinking
that you’ve lost precious months or years. This
emotional reaction is normal, and you should try to
accept the feelings of anger as they arise, because they
are justified.
Talking about your
diagnosis
If you just got your ADHD diagnosis, it’s normal
to want to talk about it with your friends and
family. But you may also want to keep it to
yourself. Here are a few tips to help you share
information with the people around you.
TAKE YOUR TIME
It’s OK to feel the urge to talk about your ADHD
suspicions, or share your diagnosis journey with people
close to you, but don’t forget to take your time and
respect your path. You might prefer to keep this new
information to yourself for a while. A diagnosis of
ADHD can feel very private, and you are allowed to be
discreet about it.
Journaling can help you process your
emotions regarding your diagnosis
before you start talking about it.
Sharing your concerns with a health
professional can help you prepare
before talking to your friends and
family.
LEARN A LOT
ADHD is a complex condition. The more you learn
about it, the better you will be able to explain the
details to others. When you get your diagnosis, it is
possible that the health professional conducting the
assessment won’t give you much information about
ADHD. I didn’t receive much explanation when I got
mine. But learning about ADHD after your diagnosis
will allow you to do something very important:
understand yourself.
Joining an online forum about ADHD
can help you share your experience
with others and understand how some
of your behaviors are linked to ADHD.
Reading books (like this one!) or
listening to a podcast are also great
ways to learn about the complexities of
your brain.
Learning about ADHD will help you
better explain your symptoms to your
friends and family. It could also give
you some ideas about how they can
support you.
HOW TO RESPOND TO NEGATIVITY
You will sometimes face negative reactions if you talk
about your ADHD diagnosis. It’s unfortunate, but some
people will need a bit more time to be able to listen to
you. It can also be an excellent opportunity to change
some minds about the reality of ADHD, but remember
that some people might not be able or willing to
understand what you are experiencing.
Older people can have trouble
understanding ADHD. They might
come from a generation where mental
health was not an easy thing to talk
about. So before talking about it to
your grandmother or other family
members, be prepared to face some
surprising comments (trust me, I’ve
been there!).
If you face adverse reactions when you
decide to talk about your diagnosis,
know that you don’t have to fight for
your cause if you don’t want to. When
people are open about their diagnoses,
it can be a great way to raise awareness
of ADHD. But if you don’t feel able to
discuss it in this way, that’s OK too. You
don’t have to expend energy trying to
change the mind of someone who isn’t
open to it.
Finding support
Getting a diagnosis is just the start of your
journey. Now that you have this new information
about yourself, it’s time to find solutions and
accommodations to make your life easier.
FIND THE RIGHT THERAPEUTIC APPROACH
ADHD is not curable. But there are many things you
can try to limit the negative impacts of ADHD
symptoms on your life. Therapeutic approaches like
cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) might help you
reduce impulsivity and improve emotional stability.
Medication is also an interesting solution that may be
worth trying. Talk to your mental health professional to
find the right therapeutic path for you.
TAKING MEDICATION FOR ADHD?
The decision whether or not to take
medication for ADHD is deeply personal.
Some people find it difficult to tolerate the
side effects (like loss of appetite, sleep
difficulties, or headaches), while others will
find medication extremely beneficial.
Whichever path you choose, remember that
this decision is entirely yours. I know people
who don’t feel like they need medication at
all and others who are thriving under
treatment with medication. We should all
respect each other’s choices.
JOIN COMMUNITIES
If you have recently been diagnosed with ADHD, there
are online communities you can join that offer support
if you feel afraid to talk about your ADHD diagnosis
with friends and family. You could also discover new
ideas to help solve some of your daily challenges. Most
of all, you may see that although people with ADHD
are all different, you can relate to many of their
struggles and experiences. With time, you might even
make new friends!
ASK FOR ACCOMMODATIONS
Whether you are studying or working, ADHD is likely to
have an impact on your daily life and productivity. If
you struggle, don’t be afraid to ask for
accommodations. These don’t have to be complicated
to help you feel more supported and more productive.
Here are some ideas for accommodations that might
help.
BEING SUPPORTED BY A KIND TEAM
Meeting regularly with a co-worker to
increase accountability
Using emojis in messages to help
convey emotions and avoid
misunderstandings
Having regular check-ins to measure
the impact of accommodations
WORKING IN AN ADAPTED ENVIRONMENT
Having a standing desk
Being able to work in a quiet room
Having access to a whiteboard to use
visualization techniques
COMMUNICATING EFFICIENTLY
Recording meetings instead of taking
notes
Allowing time for focus without
interruptions (email, messages, etc.)
Having written instructions instead of
verbal ones
Getting an official ADHD diagnosis is the end of your
diagnosis journey (which can be pretty long). But it’s
also the start of a new journey. Whether it’s an easy or a
difficult start, down the road, this new information will
help you to understand yourself better and advocate
for your needs. In the next chapter, you will discover
words and expressions that can help you describe and
share your experiences. And remember:
Experiencing strong and confusing emotions after
an ADHD diagnosis is normal.
You can share your ADHD diagnosis or keep it
private. It is your choice.
Once you are diagnosed with ADHD, there are
many ways to find support.
ADHD GLOSSARY
CHAPTER 4
ANALYSIS PARALYSIS
ADHD often impacts your ability to make decisions
quickly. It’s because making decisions, even small ones
(like deciding what to have for dinner), is a complex act
that requires different skills. To make a decision, you
need to consider the various options, remember them,
and compare them. If you add time pressure, it’s not
hard to imagine how we can “get stuck” and feel like it’s
almost impossible to make a decision. And that’s how
you can end up eating peanut butter from the jar for
dinner.
ANXIETY
Adults with ADHD are 2.5 times more likely to struggle
with anxiety than adults without ADHD. Often, ADHD
symptoms and the symptoms of generalized anxiety
disorder, such as feeling restless, having difficulty
concentrating, and being fearful or worried, can be
confused, even for mental health professionals. Do you
constantly worry because you suffer from anxiety, or is
anxiety a consequence of your unmanaged ADHD
symptoms? If you have the slightest doubt, getting a
proper assessment for anxiety as someone with ADHD
is always a good idea.
BURNOUT
It’s common for people with ADHD to experience
burnout. You may overcompensate at work, or mask
with friends and family so they don’t notice you zoning
out. Managing your symptoms is not easy and can lead
to exhaustion and burnout. Having to deal with yet
another burnout at 29 made me realize something was
not right, and ultimately led to me seeking an ADHD
assessment.
OVERCOMPENSATION
As we go through life with ADHD, we tend to develop
habits and skills to compensate for some of our
symptoms. For example, many people with ADHD
struggle with time awareness and will often be late for
meetings with friends or professional events. To try and
avoid this, some people with ADHD will develop the
habit of always being early. This kind of
overcompensation can create new issues. You can
quickly develop anxiety if you constantly try to
anticipate the problems your ADHD traits could cause
(like being unable to send an email unless you’ve read
it at least ten times).
EMOTIONAL DYSREGULATION
OTHER PEOPLE
ME
Emotional dysregulation is
an emotional reaction that
does not fall within the
traditionally accepted
range. Even though it’s not
part of the official
diagnosis criteria, many
think it’s an overlooked
symptom of ADHD.
Do you often struggle to
cool down after feelings of
anger? Do you think your
enthusiasm is “over the
top” when you feel
passionate about a topic?
Do you feel sad more
easily than others? Well,
you are not alone.
When emotional
dysregulation is not
identified, it can lead to
questions like “Why did I
react like that?” or “Why
am I always too much?”
EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS
Executive functions allow us to think before we act,
imagine scenarios, resist temptations, and stay
focused. ADHD impacts executive functioning and may
be why you struggle to remember a phone number,
have trouble paying attention, or interrupt people
while they are talking. This executive dysfunction may
impact your professional or personal life, but it can be
improved by doing various exercises and activities,
such as memory games and playing music.
HYPERFOCUS
Hyperfocus describes a highly focused state of
attention. It feels like you are in a bubble. You may even
lose track of time, fail to notice people around you, and
even ignore your own needs and forget to drink, eat, or
take a bathroom break. Needless to say, when you
finally exit this state of hyperfocus you could be
exhausted, hungry, and uncomfortable!
MELTDOWNS
People with ADHD experience meltdowns because
they struggle to regulate feelings of frustration, anger,
or overwhelm. Sensory overload may also cause these
extreme emotional reactions. I felt ashamed of my
meltdowns for most of my adult life. I now understand
my triggers and warning signs, so I can rest and take a
break.
MASKING
Masking means hiding your traits in order to appear
“normal.” The tendency to hide ADHD behavior varies
greatly from person to person. Some are so good at it
(knowingly or not) that they are even misdiagnosed
with another condition, or remain undiagnosed with
ADHD. That’s why it’s important to mention to the
person assessing you that you are adapting and
camouflaging your behavior during an ADHD
assessment.
MOOD SWINGS
Because people with ADHD often experience
emotional dysregulation, their days can be punctuated
by mood swings. Mixed with impulsivity, our difficulty
moderating our emotions may lead to us experiencing
various moods in a day. From feeling anxious about
your to-do list when you wake up to having a burst of
enthusiasm when you talk about your new project with
a friend, going through all these emotions is pretty
tiring. No wonder you suddenly feel exhausted in the
middle of the day!
OVERSHARING
Because of their impulsivity, many people with ADHD
tend to share more than they initially wanted to. It’s OK
to share personal things if you want to, but oversharing
can sometimes lead to regret. It can even make you
feel shameful after social situations where you had
trouble managing your impulsivity. It’s not fun when
you realize that you’ve been boring your boss by
talking about your nicknames for your cat for the past
15 minutes!
RSD
RSD, or rejection sensitive dysphoria, is used in the
ADHD community to describe the extreme sensitivity to
rejection that some people with ADHD can struggle
with. People who experience RSD describe the
experience of feeling rejected or criticized as
excruciating pain. It’s not a medical diagnosis, but
some mental health professionals think it helps to
describe the emotional dysregulation of people with
ADHD.
THE ADHD TAX
People with ADHD face a variety of challenges daily.
Sometimes these struggles end up costing us money.
That’s what the ADHD community calls the ADHD tax. It
can be things like letting food perish in your fridge,
getting fines because you forgot to take back books to
the library, or failing to return clothes or items on time.
My worst ADHD tax was when I noticed I was still
paying for a gym membership years after I had moved
to another city!
TIME “BLINDNESS”
Time “blindness” is an expression used in the ADHD
community to describe a lack of awareness of time.
People with ADHD often report struggling with time
management. Their “time horizon,” meaning how far
they can project their thoughts into the future, often
feels shorter than it does for neurotypical people. And
because of hyperfocus, people with ADHD can also get
stuck in “interest bubbles” and lose track of time, for
example, being late to work because of a fascinating
article or video.
WAITING MODE
People with ADHD can often feel stuck waiting. For
example, if you have an appointment at 3 p.m., you
might feel like you can’t focus on anything else that day
because anticipating the appointment takes up a huge
part of your mind.
WORKING MEMORY
Working memory is a cognitive skill that helps our brain
retain information temporarily, such as what you
wanted to say during a conversation or where you
parked your car. For many people with ADHD, our
working memory is weaker or less developed because
of our ADHD symptoms. It can be frustrating to deal
with it when you rely on your brain to pay attention and
retain pieces of information.
ZONING OUT
Zoning out is the feeling of not being conscious of
what’s happening around you when you are in the
middle of a conversation. It happens to everyone once
in a while. But for people with ADHD, it can happen
several times per day. And it can be a bit tricky to
explain to the person you’re talking with that you didn’t
quite hear what they said for the last two minutes.
In this chapter, we covered some of the basic terms
people in the ADHD community use to describe their
symptoms. Having the right words to describe our life
with ADHD is crucial to being able to understand and
explain what we are going through every day.
In the next part of the book, I’ll take you along with me
in a day with ADHD. You’ll see how the way our brain
works can have an impact on every single aspect of our
daily lives.
And remember:
The fact that these phrases exist is proof that you
are not the only one experiencing them.
This glossary is not exhaustive, as the ADHD
community is always creating new ways to depict
the challenges we face.
part 2
What is it like to live
with ADHD? That’s
the question I asked
myself many times
before and after my
diagnosis. I knew the
theory, but I wanted
to see concrete
examples of how it
affected my daily life;
my real life. From the
A DAY WITH ADHD
moment you wake
up, to the moment
you (struggle to) fall
asleep, ADHD
symptoms are
shaping your day.
Let’s try to
understand how
ADHD impacts you,
to help you make
peace with yourself
and find solutions.
Waking up
MY EXPERIENCE
I struggle to get out of bed almost every morning. No
matter what I do, it takes me hours to get out of my
warm bed. As I often fall asleep late (we’ll talk about
that later), I need a moment to feel fully awake. But
that’s when trouble arises. To help me wake up, I get on
my phone, which opens the door to an infinite number
of distractions. That’s why I can be late for anything,
even if I miraculously manage to wake up on time!
MY ADVICE
When I feel like I need a special boost to get
out of bed, I play upbeat music. It usually
does the trick.
If I know I have an important appointment
the next day, I put my phone far away from
my bed, so I don’t have the temptation to
scroll for hours the following morning.
Always feeling tired
MY EXPERIENCE
I think the hyperactivity aspect of ADHD can sometimes
be misleading. I’m definitely hyperactive (at least
mentally!), but I’m also hyper-tired. Having to deal with
my symptoms and their consequences is exhausting.
Because I’m always trying to remember things and
keep my head above water, I often don’t have the
energy to do the things I enjoy doing.
MY ADVICE
I’m working on taking rest more seriously.
Like many people with ADHD, I tend to
forget to relax and unwind. I struggle with
mindfulness and meditation, but I enjoy
simple things like taking a bath or listening to
calming music.
Feeling extremely tired all the time is not
normal. If you feel something is wrong with
you, consult your doctor. I was in this
situation once, and I’m glad I took my health
seriously, as I got the proper treatment for
the issue I was facing.
Personal hygiene
MY EXPERIENCE
Before my diagnosis, I never would have guessed that
ADHD could cause some of the struggles I had with
personal hygiene. These challenges are invisible to
others, but they brought me a lot of shame throughout
my life. For example, I often forget to brush my teeth,
and I can’t count the number of days I have been left
with zero clean clothes because I forgot to dry the
clothes I washed the day before.
MY ADVICE
I always stack waking up, taking medication,
and brushing my teeth together to avoid
forgetting in the morning. You’ll learn more
about habit stacking in the next part of the
book.
I often procrastinate on washing my hair as I
hate the feeling of it. Always having dry
shampoo on hand is a must for me.
I set a reminder on my phone as soon as I
start the washing machine. If I don’t, I’m sure
to forget, and I’ll end up finding wet clothes
in my washing machine the next time I need
to use it!
Makeup
MY EXPERIENCE
Sometimes I love makeup, and I’ll spend long minutes
doing a full face of it (even though I’m already late),
and the next day I’ll be happy with just some lip balm.
Most of the time, though, I’m too late to take the time
to do my makeup correctly, and I throw things around
and get it done in five minutes.
MY ADVICE
Makeup is one of the things I tend to impulse
buy the most. But instead of just avoiding
spending money on it, I set a realistic
monthly budget to still enjoy myself without
too much frustration.
To avoid running late when I get ready, I
timed my “casual” makeup routine, so now I
know how long I need to be fully prepared
for the day.
Caffeine
MY EXPERIENCE
I have a love/hate relationship with coffee. Caffeine can
help me get stuff done and give me the courage to
start some of the most daunting tasks on my to-do list.
But too much of it can also seriously exacerbate my
mental hyperactivity, even turning it into full-blown
anxiety. I’ve used coffee and tea as stimulants for selfmedication for years, and it’s now challenging to go
without caffeine.
MY ADVICE
Seeing how my sleep quality and general
mental health improved with less caffeine
helped me cut down. Even just one cup less
per day or switching to decaf after lunch can
have a significant impact!
When I feel like I need to go easy on coffee, I
try replacing it with lower-caffeine drinks like
green tea or hot chocolate, and eating dark
chocolate or cacao nibs for a caffeine boost.
Forgetting to eat
MY EXPERIENCE
I often forget to eat. Sometimes I’m hyperfocusing on
something and I completely lose track of time until my
stomach starts to growl loudly (of course, it always
happens during meetings!). Sometimes my day is so
disorganized that I can’t find a moment to eat anything.
The issue is that when I forget to eat, some of my
ADHD traits, like zoning out, get worse. That’s why I
now prioritize having at least two proper meals every
day.
MY ADVICE
It may sound weird, but I sometimes set
reminders on my phone that just say, “Don’t
forget to eat.”
I accept that keeping myself fed means I
often have to choose convenient options. A
cheese sandwich for lunch might not be
Pinterest-worthy, but if it’s the only thing I
manage to make, it’s good enough for me!
When I noticed that my eating habits were
getting too chaotic, I consulted a nutritionist
who helped me create a meal plan based on
my needs.
Misplacing things
MY EXPERIENCE
I tend to be super careful with my belongings when I’m
outside of my house, so I rarely lose things. But I
misplace stuff all the time. I spend hours every week
looking for my glasses, the TV remote, my phone, and
kitchen utensils, and I feel as though I am always
looking for something. It’s exhausting, especially when
you notice that the phone you’ve spent 30 minutes
looking for is in your hand!
MY ADVICE
I bought a magnetic key holder for my front
door, and I can’t tell you how glad I am that I
did! Having a specific spot for each thing
definitely helps me misplace items less often.
I’m good at misplacing things and bad at
searching for misplaced items. That’s why I
always search room by room to avoid
wasting time searching.
A friend bought me tracking tags because
they understood my struggles with
misplacing my things. I use one on my
wireless earphones case, and it’s working
very well!
Being late
MY EXPERIENCE
I’m never on time. I’m either very early or very late.
When I stress about being late for an appointment, I
often leave my house way earlier than I should and
overestimate the time I need to get there. When I’m
super late, it’s generally because I’m doing something
interesting (like watching cute cats on TikTok), and I
completely forget about the appointment until five
minutes before I’m supposed to be there.
MY ADVICE
One or two hours before an important call or
appointment, I try to limit distractions like
social media or addictive TV shows. There
are better times to start binge-watching!
When I’m late, I apologize, but I also explain
why I’m late. Not by saying that I got caught
in an internet rabbit hole about the history of
noodles, but by saying that I struggle with
time awareness.
Driving
MY EXPERIENCE
For me, driving can be either extraordinarily
overwhelming or a genuine pleasure. When I drive in
the city and need to be careful of the signs, the bikes,
and the pedestrians, I can quickly feel very anxious.
Add to that somebody in the car with me or a GPS
giving verbal instructions, and I’m completely lost. But
at the same time, my impulsive brain thinks that driving
fast (safely) on an empty motorway is one of the most
satisfying things in the world.
MY ADVICE
I try to reduce all distractions when I drive. I
keep my phone, food, and anything
interesting out of reach to help me focus on
the road.
Since my ADHD diagnosis, I do not hesitate
to tell my passengers that sometimes I need
silence to be able to focus on the road.
I consulted a therapist to deal with my
driving anxiety. CBT exercises were very
efficient in helping me feel more confident
behind the wheel.
Texting
MY EXPERIENCE
Communication can be a big challenge for me,
especially texting. When I get a text message, I try to
answer as soon as possible, because if I don’t, I know
there’s a good chance I will just completely forget (yes,
even though there is a bright red notification icon on
my phone)!
MY ADVICE
When I forget to respond to a text message, I
try to tell the truth. Since my diagnosis, I have
tried to explain my struggles. I’m always
surprised to see how understanding people
are when I simply tell them the truth.
If I know I can’t answer a text message right
away, I send a response like “I received your
text. I’ll respond as soon as I can,” and I set a
reminder for later.
To be sure I don’t forget to answer a
message, I take a few minutes each night to
go through all my messages. If I don’t feel
like replying instantly, I set a reminder for the
following day.
At work
MY EXPERIENCE
I’ve had many jobs, and my ADHD symptoms were
never far away in every single one of them. As a hotel
receptionist, I dreaded guiding guests with verbal
instructions, because it was confusing, even when I was
the one giving them. As a freelance copywriter, I often
had issues with my clients because I made too many
mistakes.
MY ADVICE
Even before my diagnosis, I often asked for
accommodations without realizing it was a way to
compensate for my ADHD symptoms. For example, I
often asked for a written document for essential
instructions.
Becoming a freelance copywriter and then a content
creator was one of my best decisions. Even though it’s
pretty stressful, it allows me to take advantage of my
sudden bursts of motivation and inspiration while
allowing myself time to do other things too.
Paperwork
MY EXPERIENCE
I hate paperwork. I always have. I have unopened mail
lying around, I’m waiting until the last minute to pay
bills, and I’m lost every time I need to do admin stuff.
All these things are utterly overwhelming, and I would
be lying if I told you I’ve never cried with frustration
trying to fill out an official form.
MY ADVICE
After paying another late fee, I decided to
automate all my bills. It took some time, but
now I know everything is paid for without my
having to do anything.
I often ask for help when I feel like I can’t do it
alone. Having a friend helping me to
understand how to pay my taxes or fill out a
rental application always makes things easier.
Deadlines
MY EXPERIENCE
I’m terrible with deadlines. When I have a deadline for
something more than a few days ahead, I feel like I
have all the time in the world to take care of the task.
And, of course, I only realize I didn’t do it right before
it’s due. This trait used to impact my professional life
quite a lot.
MY ADVICE
I always divide my work into small tasks that are more
manageable. For example, if the first task is to write an
email, but I’m having issues getting started, I
sometimes set my goal as simply writing the subject
line of the email. By making it easier to start tasks, I
respect my deadlines better.
When I need to work towards a deadline, I
create a visual tracking tool. It can be as
simple as an arrow with steps on a piece of
paper, or a table to fill on a whiteboard, but it
helps me better understand my progress.
Working in batches always helps me start
when I feel overwhelmed by the amount of
work I have ahead. I’ll tell you more about
that in the last part of the book.
Food shopping
MY EXPERIENCE
Food shopping could be one of the daily tasks most
impacted by my ADHD. Even with a list, I tend to get
distracted and forget important items. I’m always
buying fancy new stuff I don’t need, and I can spend
hours searching for something in the aisles, even
though it’s right under my nose.
MY ADVICE
I’m way more efficient at food shopping since
I replaced lists with checklists. I just made a
checklist of all the items I often buy on my
phone, and now I can use it every time I go
shopping. I improve it each time, so it gets
better and more detailed.
Grocery delivery is a lifesaver for me. I used
to feel bad about not doing my shopping
myself, but it helps me avoid forgetting
things and be better organized at home.
Hobbies
MY EXPERIENCE
I’ve always jumped from one hobby to another. When I
stumbled upon a YouTube video about roller skates, I
almost immediately ordered a pair online. I used them
every day for two weeks, and since then, they’ve never
seen daylight again. Growing up, I remember feeling
quite bad about being so “inconsistent” with my
hobbies. Now I tend to be more accepting of it as I
know it’s a widespread trait among people with ADHD.
MY ADVICE
When I find a new hobby I like I try to find a
club or classes to join. It helps me feel more
accountable and not give up too quickly.
If I lose interest in a hobby I used to like, I sell
or donate the supplies I bought. This way I
don’t feel bad about accumulating stuff I’m
not using any more.
Exercising
MY EXPERIENCE
For me, exercising can be enjoyable or feel like pure
torture. Practicing a sport I like, like badminton, is
awesome for having fun and unleashing some energy.
But trying to stick to a routine of something I find
boring (like jogging) is almost impossible.
MY ADVICE
Now, I accept that I may need to switch
activities often to enjoy myself while
exercising. Of course, struggling with
consistency might prevent me from getting a
black belt in jiu-jitsu, but at least I can
experiment with lots of different sports!
With physical activities, I don’t force myself to
do things I don’t enjoy any more. I prefer to
do something fun (like dancing to my favorite
tune of the moment) and I end up forgetting
it even counts as exercise.
Tidying
MY EXPERIENCE
Keeping my place tidy is quite a challenge. My home
can become chaotic in the space of a day if I’m not
careful. That’s why I constantly try to pick up the stuff
I’ve scattered all over the place. But as soon as I’m too
tired or unmotivated to do it (this happens very often), I
can quickly get overwhelmed by how many things are
just lying around.
MY ADVICE
Being mindful of not purchasing too much
stuff to avoid overcrowding my place is one
of the best things I can do to keep my
environment manageable.
I try to take at least ten minutes every day to
tidy my house.
I invite people over quite often. I know I’ll get
motivated to tidy and clean my place before
my guests arrive!
Dating
MY EXPERIENCE
Dating is nerve-racking for me. I know it’s challenging
for everyone, but for my ADHD brain, it’s a whole other
level. Some of my symptoms, like zoning out during
conversations or interrupting people, are especially
hard to manage when I’m stressed. I always feel either
“too much” or bored during a date.
MY ADVICE
I find it very reassuring to see examples of
people with ADHD who have great
relationships. It proves that, even though
ADHD can make things harder, it is possible.
Low self-esteem can exacerbate our dating
struggles. Working on this, especially with
therapy, before jumping headfirst into dates,
helped me feel more confident.
Talking to other people with ADHD online
helped me feel less alone when struggling
with unpleasant dating experiences.
Alcohol
MY EXPERIENCE
Because I’m shy and I can be socially awkward, I got
used to drinking when I met friends or new people.
That was OK until life got a bit more stressful, and I
noticed that I was developing a habit of drinking every
evening to calm my nerves. Knowing that I have ADHD,
I’m now cautious of my alcohol consumption, as I
realize we have higher chances of developing an
addiction.
MY ADVICE
To avoid relying on alcohol to feel confident
during social interactions, I try to do activities
where alcohol is not an option (like playing
sports or visiting a museum) with friends.
Therapy, and in particular CBT, helped me
understand my triggers and develop
healthier coping mechanisms.
Making dinner
MY EXPERIENCE
I love cooking, but cooking with ADHD is quite a
challenge. I can’t remember how many times I almost
burned my kitchen down because I forgot the oven was
on. I’m not bad at cooking meals from scratch, but
following a specific recipe, a cake, for example, feels
almost impossible.
MY ADVICE
I took online cooking classes to learn basic
cooking techniques, which helped me gain
confidence. This means I can usually prepare
delicious meals without struggling to follow a
complicated recipe.
I try to take some time to cook when I feel
like it and eat convenient things when I don’t
want to cook. By treating cooking like a
hobby rather than a chore, I enjoy it more
and more.
Binge eating
MY EXPERIENCE
Food is an easy way to reward myself when I have a
hard day and I’m feeling low on dopamine. Whether it’s
comfort food from the cupboard (read: breakfast
cereals for dinner) or a fast food delivery, food is always
available to highlight the end of my day. But this habit
of turning impulsively to food to feel better after a long
day could lead to disordered eating.
MY ADVICE
When I felt this habit was getting stronger
and more challenging to avoid, I asked for
help from my therapist. Together we were
able to find better coping mechanisms (like
enjoying a hobby) to deal with low dopamine
at the end of the day.
My ADHD diagnosis helped me
tremendously to better understand my
relationship with food. Now I’m able to
empathize with myself and feel less guilty.
Video games
MY EXPERIENCE
I have always loved video games. When I was a teen, I
could spend days building houses for my Sims. I was
obsessed with that game. Now that I’m diagnosed, I
understand that I was severely hyperfocusing on it!
Today, I still get caught up in video games quite often.
Even to the point where I forget to drink and take
bathroom breaks!
MY ADVICE
At some point in my life, when I was between
jobs, I played video games too much. I guess
it was the most exciting thing I could do, so I
was pretty hooked. As people with ADHD,
we should always be mindful of activities that
can turn into addictions.
Today, I enjoy playing video games (even for
long hours late at night), but I always make
sure to do other things, too, like going
outside for a walk and getting some fresh air.
Watching movies
MY EXPERIENCE
Being a movie lover and having ADHD can have a few
pitfalls. If a movie or a TV show is not stimulating
enough, I quickly zone out, even if I’m enjoying it.
When I see an actor I think I know, I can’t help but get
distracted and check their name, filmography, and
Wikipedia page. Then, of course, I need a snack. So,
watching a movie with my ADHD brain can take a
while!
MY ADVICE
I often turn on subtitles on TV shows or
movies to help me focus better on the
dialogue. I zone out less frequently when I
use this trick.
Sometimes, I need a few sittings to watch a
movie or an episode of a TV show because I
struggle to focus. When this happens, I don’t
force myself. Instead, I try to enjoy the rest of
it at another moment.
Intimacy
MY EXPERIENCE
When I first started to wonder if I had ADHD, I never
thought about how deeply it could impact all aspects
of my life, including my intimate relationships. Being
easily distracted during special moments is not fun, but
it’s easier to accept when you (and your partner) know
it’s normal for someone with ADHD.
MY ADVICE
It might not sound very sexy, but I found that
scheduling a special moment to share with
my partner is one of the best ways to enjoy it
without too many distractions.
Being sensitive to sensory inputs, I’m also
meticulous about not having too many
distracting factors, like strong fragrances or
loud music, during intimate moments.
Bedtime
MY EXPERIENCE
Bedtime was never easy for me when I was a child. I
hated going to bed. I felt like I had so much energy! As
an adult, it’s still complicated. I often have ideas late at
night, and I sometimes get caught up in creative
activities that can keep me awake until dawn if I’m not
careful. When I don’t feel particularly inspired, I tend to
scroll too much on social media and go to sleep quite
late.
MY ADVICE
When I feel inspired or motivated to do
something late at night, I try to go with the
flow, especially if I don’t have things to do
early the next day. I enjoy being a night owl,
and my diagnosis helped me to accept this
part of my personality.
Staying away from technology (easier said
than done, I know!) and engaging in screenfree activities like reading, journaling,
drawing, or light physical activity help me
feel more relaxed before bed.
part 3
As we’ve just seen,
life with ADHD can be
very challenging. But
I’m convinced that by
using the right tools
and strategies, we
can eventually get
things done and
enjoy a more
ADHD HACKS
peaceful daily life. In
this final part of the
book, we will look at
the key concepts and
hacks that have
helped me since my
diagnosis. Not every
single one of them
will work for you, and
that’s OK. Try, learn,
test things, and find
the solutions that fit
your life, not the
other way around.
hack #1
Work smarter, not harder
“No pain, no gain” is not an ADHD-friendly
mantra. People with ADHD should often aim for
less effort and find smarter solutions.
ADHD brains shouldn’t have to “try harder.” Making too
much effort can sometimes signal that you are not
using the right strategy for your brain. To achieve your
goals and feel better, you could try instead to work
smarter, not harder. Embracing this mindset will help
you develop kindness towards yourself, and you’ll also
get better at finding creative solutions to your issues.
If you know that you tend to work well under
time pressure, it’s OK to wait until the last
moment to do something. As long as you
make sure you’ve left enough time to
complete the task, you will benefit from the
pressure to get things done.
You don’t have to work hard to eat well.
Forget about complicated recipes and go
back to the essentials. You’ll see that great
quality basic products, like in-season fruits or
fresh dairy, don’t need much effort to be
delicious.
TIPS
There is rarely only one solution to a
problem. Allow yourself to try a few
things before finding the one that will
work for you.
Take time to understand the issue and
why you need to solve it before trying
to find a solution.
Embrace your uniqueness. It’s OK to
solve things in a way that’s different
from how most people would.
“Hard work” is not always good work.
You can be productive and creative
without burning yourself out.
hack #2
Stack your habits
It should never be hard to create new habits! If
you want to implement new rituals in your daily
life, habit stacking is a great way to do it
effortlessly.
We all have habits in our lives. Even if your daily life
looks pretty chaotic, there are still things you will be
doing every day. These already existing habits are an
excellent tool for creating new ones. Stacking new
habits with your old ones will give them a better
chance to stick. Try this first with simple things, and
then, if it’s working, see if you can add new habits every
week or every month.
Clean your sink after brushing your teeth.
Empty (some of) your dishwasher while
making coffee.
Put your keys where they belong as soon as
you come home.
Take your medication when you turn off your
alarm.
TIPS
Start small. It’s OK to start with very
simple new habits.
Use visual reminders (like sticky notes)
and reminders on your phone for the
first few days, so you don’t forget your
new habit.
Give your new habits time to stick
before adding new ones.
hack #3
Gamify your life
ADHD brains often crave rewards. As they tend
to respond better to the carrot than to the stick,
gamification is a great way to be more
productive.
As we talked about earlier in the book, ADHD brains
can be pretty motivated by video games! Have you
ever noticed how gaming never feels like a chore? The
time we can spend doing repetitive actions to gain
points, coins, or any reward is quite impressive. So, why
not use the same mechanisms in real life? There are
many ways you can implement gamification in your
daily life. You can give yourself points for chores, set
rewards for tasks you really don’t want to do, or even
visualize the skills you want to develop, like a character
from a game!
When you want to learn something, use apps
that have an aspect of gamification. Gaining
points, upping levels, and all the other little
things can help you persevere with a task
beyond the first impulse.
Set rewards for complex tasks. For example, allow
yourself to binge-watch your favorite show when you
did the dishes for three days straight.
TIPS
It can be easy to skip the challenging
tasks to go directly to the reward if you
are doing it alone. Involve someone
else in the process, so that you have
accountability and will be less tempted
to cheat!
Creating a gamification strategy for
yourself can take time. It’s OK if it
doesn’t work on the first attempt.
Set smart goals. To make gamification
last, set realistic and meaningful goals
that you want to accomplish with this
strategy.
hack #4
The Pomodoro Technique
Managing your energy and focus is not easy for
someone with ADHD. That’s where the
Pomodoro Technique can be hugely helpful.
People with ADHD often have an all-or-nothing
approach. The ADHD brain can procrastinate until the
last minute or hyperfocus to the point of forgetting to
eat or go to the bathroom. The Pomodoro Technique is
excellent for finding balance and getting things done.
It works by defining a single task you want to work on
(this can be a physical chore, an intellectual one, or
even creative work). Then, work on this specific task for
25 minutes straight. After that, take a 5-minute break.
Every four rounds, take a more extended 30-minute
break.
TIPS
We are all different. Feel free to test
other Pomodoro durations to see if it’s
the right rhythm for you.
You can also use it for physical work
such as cleaning and tidying your
home.
Scan this QR code to watch my ADHD
Pomodoro video on YouTube!
Next time you need to pay your bills or do
admin work, try to use the Pomodoro
Technique.
Don’t neglect breaks! Like in sports, rest is as
important as training. Breaks are part of the
technique. Take them.
If you do it with someone else, the Pomodoro
Technique is even more effective. But only if
you are not distracting each other, of course!
hack #5
Color-coding
ADHD brains often work better with visual cues.
That’s why color-coding some aspects of your
life can improve your daily organization. And,
bonus point, it looks awesome!
It almost seems too simple to be true, but trust me,
color-coding can work tremendously well to help
people with ADHD feel better organized. Universal and
highly visual, colors can be an extremely powerful
sorting system. If you close your eyes and think about
an object you use daily, you will notice that you
immediately know what color it is. If you use colorcoding for daily organization, your brain will
automatically know where to find it and where to put it
back (maybe the most crucial part for ADHDers!).
Organizing your clothes by color will give
you a clearer view of your outfits. It’s pleasing
to the eye and will reduce the time you need
to get dressed in the morning!
TIPS
Use colors to organize your papers: red
for urgent, green for not urgent.
There is no limit to what you can
organize by color: food in the fridge,
laundry, makeup—anything!
Get creative, using paint, stickers, and
washi tape to color-code your items.
Sort your bookshelf by color. It will look
beautiful, and you’ll see that it will be much
easier to keep it organized.
Sort the apps on your phone into colorthemed folders. You will find everything
much more quickly!
hack #6
Work in batches
When you feel stuck in your to-do list, and it
seems that you can’t get anything done, batch
working can help! Learning to work in batches,
instead of trying to multitask, will boost your
productivity, help you save time, and make you
feel less overwhelmed.
Instead of jumping from one task to another, staying
focused on the same action will help you accomplish
much more. As task initiation can sometimes be
difficult for ADHD brains, working in batches eliminates
this part of the equation, meaning you are less prone to
procrastinate between tasks. It also reduces the risk of
getting distracted and gives you a sense of momentum
and achievement.
Batch cooking is an excellent way to eat
homemade meals without the stress of
cooking and cleaning your kitchen every day.
Need to clean the windows in your house?
Try spending a set amount of time cleaning
only the windows and nothing else.
Hate admin? Try setting aside one day per
week where you do most of your admin
tasks. This means you will have some peace
of mind for the rest of the week.
TIPS
If you have a recurring task in a week or
month, set a day where you will focus
only on this task.
Avoid scheduling meetings and calls
during the time that you want to
dedicate to batch work. The key is to
work continuously without having a
chance to get distracted.
hack #7
Declutter often
Living with ADHD can get messy! If you want to
feel less overwhelmed by your mess, I highly
encourage you to declutter as often as possible.
If you feel like your home is always in complete chaos,
maybe one of the issues is that you have too much
stuff. Between impulse buying and exploring many new
hobbies each year, people with ADHD tend to
accumulate a lot of things. The good news is, if you
declutter often, you’ll see that it will be much easier to
keep your home (somewhat) organized.
Most of us have too many clothes. Don’t be
afraid to keep only the outfits you genuinely
wear and get rid of the things that are always
at the back of your wardrobe.
Declutter your electronics. Sell the high-tech
gadgets before they lose their value and get
rid of cables that belong to old or missing
equipment.
TIPS
Sell stuff that you bought impulsively.
This can also help lower the ADHD tax.
Donate any clothing you haven’t worn in
the last year to charity.
Find a place for each thing in your
home. If it doesn’t have a place, maybe
it should be donated or sold.
If you declutter often (every month, for
example), you will see that it’s not as
overwhelming as it sounds.
Invite your friends over for a declutter
party! It’s a great way to find new
owners for the items you don’t need any
more.
hack #8
Find an accountability
buddy
Committing to something, especially when it’s a
new habit, can be quite hard for people with
ADHD. Having an accountability buddy is a very
effective way of managing to do challenging
things.
Because ADHD brains tend to handle motivation
differently, it’s helpful to find new ways to avoid
quitting projects or dropping habits when things
get challenging. Finding someone to help you
stay accountable is hugely beneficial. You can
commit to a daily text message to your best
friend after you’re done with your workout, send
a picture of your clean dishes to your mother, or
even join an accountability group online. The key
is to use this strategy to do the things that are
difficult for you until they are simply part of your
daily life.
Struggle to remember to take your
medication in the morning? Send a picture of
your empty box to your accountability buddy
every morning!
Want to move more? Why not tweet your
daily step count every day?
Trying to wake up earlier at the start of the
day? Create a game with your best friend:
the first one to text the other in the morning
is the winner.
TIPS
If you struggle to build new habits and
want to find your own accountability
buddy, use my template!
hack #9
Body doubling
Staying focused on a task can be challenging for
people with ADHD. Body doubling can help you
get things done by limiting procrastination and
creating a feeling of accountability.
Body doubling simply means doing a task in the
presence of someone else. Whether they are working
on the same task or not, having someone else around
often helps people with ADHD to focus. Body doubling
can work in real life as well as online. You can use body
doubling virtually by creating or joining a group of live
meetings, or by watching videos on YouTube. I don’t
know why body doubling works so well, but it is worth
trying!
Watch “study with me” or “clean with me”
videos to get motivated when you are alone.
Have a weekly virtual meeting with a friend to
clean your homes while catching up.
You can also use body doubling for creative
tasks!
TIPS
Try to pair body doubling with the
Pomodoro Technique.
If it works well for you, investing in a
paid body doubling service to use this
technique as much as possible could be
interesting.
hack #10
Label everything
Labelling is a great way to hack your brain. It will
help you put your stuff where it belongs and
avoid spending hours looking for something that
you’ve misplaced.
Putting labels on things can really improve your daily
organization. Labels save your brain the effort of
judging if somewhere is the right spot for the item you
need to put away. If you do this for numerous things
every day, you’ll see that it will become much easier to
keep your home tidy and prevent it from becoming
complete chaos.
Medicine storage boxes with labels for each
day help you avoid forgetting to take your
meds, or stop you taking them twice.
Is your wardrobe messy? Divide it into
sections for different items and label each
section.
Put labels in your fridge! It’s a challenging
place to keep organized when you have
ADHD. Using labels for food could be
helpful.
TIPS
Invest in a good labelmaker. It will make
labelling easier.
Practice makes perfect. If a specific label
isn’t helping you with your organization,
try changing it for another category of
item to see if that works better.
Do you like DIY projects? Try making
your own labels to customize your
decor!
hack #11
Brain dumping
ADHD brains can overflow with ideas and
thoughts. Living with a mind that constantly feels
full is not easy. That’s why brain dumping is so
effective in helping someone with ADHD to
become less overwhelmed.
Brain dumping is quite simple. You just need a piece of
paper and a pen, or your phone or computer. Then,
write (or draw) anything that pops into your mind. This
could be, for example, the bills you need to remember
to pay, or the text message from your friend that you
haven’t replied to yet. Once it’s done, you’ll see that
there’s less stuff on the paper than you’d imagined.
Then you can create a to-do list with these items, keep
your brain dump as a reminder, or throw it away if you
already feel better.
Try to get used to brain dumping as soon as
you get overwhelmed or stressed out. You’ll
feel instantly more peaceful.
Get creative! Use colored pencils and pens
to make it funnier and more engaging.
Brain dumping is not limited to work and
chores. You can also brain dump personal
stuff, like challenges in your relationships.
TIPS
If you struggle to brain dump on an
empty page, use my template!
hack #12
Identify friction
When you struggle to accomplish things or feel
overwhelmed by the chaos in your life, take a
break and analyze the situation. You will often
find elements of friction that are making things
complicated.
People with ADHD, especially those diagnosed
as adults, are used to working against their
brains. By masking and overcompensating, they
get used to the idea that things should be
challenging for them. In order to break this cycle
and enjoy a much more peaceful life, you need
to learn to identify the issues and processes that
are incompatible with how your brain actually
works. By eliminating this friction, you can do
more and feel better.
Are you tired of having dirty laundry in one
spot in your room, instead of in the laundry
basket at the opposite corner? The current
solution is clearly not working for you. Try
moving the laundry basket to where you
naturally throw your dirty laundry.
If the idea of washing and cutting vegetables
is what prevents you from cooking
homemade meals, buy pre-cut frozen
vegetables. You don’t have to make
everything from scratch!
TIPS
When you see that a situation is not
working well, analyze it to find the point
of difficulty and remove it.
Don’t be afraid to make your life easier.
Choosing convenience is OK!
Try to avoid comparing your life to
others’ lives. Your goal is to make your
life easier, not fit a Pinterest-worthy
standard.
hack #13
Use reminders
It may sound basic, but reminders can make a
big difference for people with ADHD. Let’s face
it: it can be challenging to remember things
when your brain is constantly distracted. That’s
why creating the habit of using reminders
smartly can be powerful.
When you live with a very distractible brain, it’s
extremely easy to lose track of or forget things. Imagine
you just remember that you need to respond to a
friend’s text. You pick up your phone, see an Instagram
notification, and next thing you know, you’ve been
scrolling on Instagram for an hour and you’ve
unintentionally ghosted your friend. To avoid these
situations, try to set reminders for important things you
might forget.
Your plants keep dying? Set up a recurring
reminder to avoid forgetting to water them.
Some smartphones have location-specific
reminders. For example, your phone could
remind you to pick up your clothes when you
walk by the dry cleaner.
Set up a reminder when you get back from
grocery shopping if some food items are
expiring soon.
TIPS
Reminders do not always work, and it’s
OK to try something else. Maybe you
could automate this task (see how over
the next few pages), or stack it with
another habit?
If you tend to not even notice
reminders, try to make them as loud
and as visible as possible. Use brightly
colored paper when you create physical
reminders. You could also change the
sound of your alarm on your phone to
be sure you don’t get used to it.
hack #14
Use checklists
What’s one thing that pilots, surgeons, and
astronauts have in common? They use checklists!
If they use this simple tool for doing such
complex jobs, maybe we could learn from them.
Creating checklists for important recurring tasks
will help you gain time and avoid forgetting
things.
If you take a closer look, you will notice that many of
our daily tasks are recurring ones. Taking the rubbish
out, emptying the dishwasher, paying rent, brushing
your teeth—all of these tasks are composed of actions
that you’ve done many times before. This is why
checklists can be extremely powerful tools for people
with ADHD: you only have to create your checklist once
and then you can use it as often as you want.
Instead of making a grocery list every time
you go shopping, create a checklist with all
the items you usually purchase.
Create a checklist for leaving the house, to
avoid forgetting important stuff. You can put
it on your front door!
Do you struggle with hygiene? Create a
checklist with your morning and night-time
care routine!
TIPS
Most smartphones have built-in tools to
create simple checklists. Many apps are
also available if you want something
fancier or with more features.
Do you function better with physical
tools? Create a checklist on paper and
laminate it. You can reuse it as long as
you want if you use a whiteboard
marker.
hack #15
Automate recurring tasks
Forgetfulness can be a daily struggle for people
with ADHD. To fight it, some people spend every
hour of the day concentrating on retaining
information mentally, which can be exhausting
and inefficient. Automating recurring tasks is a
very effective way to improve your ADHD life.
Do you often spend a whole day reminding yourself
every 30 minutes that you need to do something, like
ordering cat food? Well, automation could be a
solution for you. When used correctly, automation
allows you to limit the things you need to remember or
manage, making your mind feel way lighter. Start by
identifying the recurring tasks you struggle to
remember, or those that take up a lot of mental space.
Then see if and how you could automate them.
Automate all your bills and rent, and you will
never pay late fees again!
Use a subscription-based service to get
some things automatically delivered, like cat
food.
Do you struggle to save money? Automate a
regular transfer from your bank account to a
savings account, or use an app that rounds
up purchases to help you save money
automatically.
TIPS
Of course, automation is not a cure-all
solution. You need to check in from time
to time to see if the things you’ve
automated work well for your needs.
There is no limit to what can be
automated! Be creative and try things
out. It’s the only way to find what works
for you.
hack #16
Use the power of music
Music is a powerful thing. It can make you sad,
brighten your mood, or even help you focus.
Using music to get things done might be one of
the most simple yet efficient ADHD hacks
around.
When you feel stuck in a task or unmotivated to do
something, the most straightforward way to get things
moving is to put on some music. Did you know that
music has the power to increase your attention span?
Listening to music you like increases dopamine levels
in your brain, making you more attentive and motivated
to finish something you’ve started. Music is also very
useful for shifting your mood if you struggle with
emotional dysregulation.
Are you struggling to meet a deadline for a
project? Listen to a dramatic and uplifting
movie soundtrack!
If you’re struggling to keep your home tidy,
put on your favorite song. Challenge yourself
to clean as much as possible in the space of
one song.
If music is not working for you, try listening to
low-frequency sounds such as white or
brown noise. If you struggle to filter out
background noise, these can help to you to
regulate and refocus.
TIPS
Do you like to listen to the same song
over and over again? This is very
common among people with ADHD
and is likely to be a form of auditory
stimming.
Stay mindful of your music consumption
if you use headphones and if you like to
listen loudly. It might help your brain,
but you may hurt your ears!
Scan this QR Code to listen to my focus
playlist on YouTube!
Conclusion
Congrats, you made it to the end of this book!
And it ’s OK if you didn’t read it in the “right” order!
With this book, I wanted to create something you could
use to find answers to your questions about ADHD,
things like, “What’s the ADHD tax?” A book that you
could use to feel less alone when you experience
something, like burning the dinner you were preparing
for your date. And a book that you could use to find
ideas for strategies to help you cope with some of your
ADHD traits, like forgetting to pay your rent every
month.
But, most of all, I wanted to create a book about ADHD
made for people with ADHD. A book that didn’t make
you zone out (too much) because of long paragraphs; a
book that felt accessible and fun. I hope I managed to
do that. I hope this book will accompany you for many
years, and that you can return to it when you feel
confused, lost, or alone. I hope it feels like a safe place
where you can be yourself. I wish for you to be at peace
with your brain. You deserve it.
Acknowledgments
I am deeply grateful to all the individuals from around
the world who have supported me on Instagram by
liking, commenting, and sharing my posts. Your
encouragement and kind messages have been
incredibly heart-warming and have kept me motivated,
especially when I was just starting my account and
drawing on my phone with my finger (never let the lack
of tools stop your creativity!). Your support has been
invaluable in helping me continue drawing and
posting, which is not easy for someone with ADHD.
D, without you, nothing would have been possible. I
am truly blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for
being you.
Baby D, your precious little kicks were my constant
companion as I made this book. I feel incredibly
blessed to be your mother.
Maman, thank you for always believing in me and
giving me the strength to believe in myself. You
nourished my creative brain with all your heart, and I’m
sure you would have loved this book.
A heartfelt thank you to Morvan, Jemar, Janna,
Christelle, and the entire TMAC Team for your
unwavering support and encouragement. Your
contributions have been invaluable in helping me
manage our website and social media accounts.
I am deeply grateful to Hattie, my agent, for her
kindness and patience. I also want to express my
deepest appreciation to Sam, Evangeline, Faith, Emily,
and Lucy, who have been the driving force behind this
book coming to life.
INDEX
accommodations 50, 111
accountability buddies 184–5
addiction 140, 155
ADHD combined type 18, 21
ADHD hyperactive-impulsive type 18–19, 21
ADHD inattentive type 18, 20–2
“ADHD tax” 62, 183
alcohol intake 140–3
anger 43, 56, 59
anxiety 38, 53–5, 74, 85, 100, 140–3
assessments 3, 30, 37, 59
attention deficit disorder (ADD) 22
attention span 200
automating tasks 198–9
bedtimes 164–7
binge eating 148–51, 158
body doubling 186–7
boredom 109, 125, 136, 138, 142, 157, 162
brain 12, 15, 129, 142, 144, 150, 157, 170, 176
“brain dumping” 190–1
brown noise 201
burnout 54, 74
caffeine/coffee 84–7
causes of ADHD 13
checklists 123, 196–7
clothing 179, 183, 189
cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) 47, 103, 143
color-coding 178–9
communication skills 50
cooking 144–7, 181
coping mechanisms 142–3, 151
dating 136–9
daydreaming 20
deadlines 116–19, 201
decision-making 53
decluttering 182–3
defining ADHD 10–27
depression 11, 38, 74, 141
diagnosis 2–6, 11, 18, 28–39
in later life 36–7
second opinions 37, 38
what happens after 6, 40–51
distractibility 70, 97, 100–3, 134, 137, 160–1, 194
domestic chores 144–7, 177, 181–3, 193, 195–9, 201
dopamine 14, 129, 142, 148, 151, 200
driving 100–3
eating 88–91, 144–7, 181
eating disorders 148–51
emotions 6, 35, 41–3, 50, 57
dysregulation 56, 59–61, 101, 200
energy levels 72–5
executive function 57–8, 144
focus
difficulties 64, 103, 146, 157, 159, 186, 200–1
see also hyperfocus
food shopping 120–3, 195, 197
forgetfulness 20–1, 32, 79, 88–91, 96, 104, 107, 120, 123, 189, 194–8
gamification strategies 174–5
gender 24
genetics 13
goal-setting 175
habits 184
stacking 172–3
hobbies 124–7
hyperactivity 18–19, 21, 31, 33, 72–3, 84–5, 153
hyperfocus 58, 63, 88–9, 106, 152–3, 176
impulse buying 120, 182, 183
impulsivity 21, 33, 38, 47, 57, 61, 98–100, 141, 148, 161
inattention 31–2, 100–1
information-gathering 45
instructions, difficulties following 50, 100, 108, 110–11, 145
intimacy 160–3
labelling things 188–9
laziness 24
losing things 92–5
makeup 80–3
masking 59
medication 14, 47–8, 166, 189
meltdowns 59
messiness 132–5, 182–3
misconceptions about ADHD 9, 24–7
misplaced things 92–5
mobile phones 68, 71
mood swings 60
motivation 184–7
movies 156–9
music 200–1
negativity 46
neurodevelopmental disorders 12, 15
novelty 124–7
organizational skills 89, 109, 123, 178–9, 182–3, 188–9
overcompensation 55
oversharing 61
overwhelm 69, 112, 114, 119, 121, 132, 133, 182–3, 190–2
paperwork 112–15, 145, 179, 181
parents 25
personal hygiene 76–9, 145, 197
phones 179, 194–5, 197
physical exercise 128–31
Pomodoro Technique 176–7, 187
prevalence of ADHD 23
prioritization difficulties 133
procrastination 24, 79, 176, 180, 186
punctuality 55, 63, 68, 70, 96–9
rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) 61, 105
relaxation 75
reminders 194–5
rewards 175
savings 199
screen-free activities 155, 167
self-esteem, low 139, 141
sensory sensitivity 34–5, 59, 74, 77–8, 121, 161, 163
sleep problems 33, 68–9, 73, 166
social lives 136–43, 194
subtitles 159
support 45, 47, 49, 50
symptoms of ADHD 16–18, 30–4
talking things through 44–5
texting 104–7
tidying up 132–5, 182–3, 187, 189, 193, 195, 201
time “blindness” 55, 63, 68, 70, 90, 96–9, 117
tiredness 72–5
treatment 14, 47–8, 103, 143, 166, 189
types of ADHD 18–22
video games 152–5
visual cues 119, 173, 178–9
waiting mode 63
waking up 68–71
white noise 201
work 50, 108–11
working in batches 119, 180–1
working smarter 170–1
working memory 64
zoning out 64, 136–7, 158